Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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My wife's first day back to work a clueless coworker said to her: "Oh my, do you think you will die from this? Can I get it too? Do you think I'll die from breast cancer" (think 20 year old Valley Girl voice)
Some people are just dumb
Rupe
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duckyb1,
I could have written your post. Happy Easter to you, too. Janice
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jteach..................back at cha girlfriend.............
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I took Taxatore 3 years ago and still dont have my hair back you can still see scalp and I get at least your still here someone with a head full of hair says it all the time and I have died part of me has...Oh when I was going through chemo my co worker who cant come to work with a sinus headache told me after each chemo I was feeling worst only because they told me each one is harder on you such experts....Oh yes I also heard cheap way to get a boop job people are dumb''''''
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I was just diagnosed 3 1/2 months ago and so far have heard:
1. Well, I'm glad its not a worse cancer.
2. Oh just think of the possibilities, you can get them both taken off and get a boob job, free!
3. And just today as I prepare to start chemo this Friday, "Since you aren't getting a port don't worry. If they have trouble with your veins they can use the backs of your legs or your feet". Gee thanks for the encouragement!
Nancy
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BAM3---------hi thanks again for being so considerate and thoughtful---------well appreciated
What worried me about your post was no port. I was refused a port by my sx because i was only getting 4 chemo's. First and only chemo. 5 sticks by three chemo nurses. Since they stuck so many places, without any real vein healing time, some chemo leaked. It was a year for the different sites discoloration to go away. No warning that this might occur. AND some chemo's if they leak can cause tissue death not just discoloration.
Husband as you know passed away. He had a different surgeon and a port was immediately put in. His plan was 6 chemo's. So, what was the difference between the veins in my arm and his.
The problem with chemo in arm veins is it can be very damaging. You can't use the LND side. So, if chemo destroys veins in your GOOD arm what are you left with. Legs----------any IV in a leg can cause phlebitis or inflammation of the vein and lead to deep vein thrombosis or blood clot. Any basic IV instruction manual or textbook describes it as a last resort site. Even just for standard IV fluids. So, if leg veins are used for chemo and the chemo adversely damages those veins besides clots, you are a setup for edema of the lower extremity.
A port in the chest was developed to avoid all the complications of chemo that can be done to the arms. To suggest chemo be put into a leg vein. Chrips---just a setup for another set of complications---------in a do over I would have said you put in a port or I get another doctor. We all want to believe the first chemo solves the problem. Then add to that all the blood studies done for the next few years, and if you only have a few prominent veins, they get beaten up very bad.
A port can be used the same day as insertion, some hesitate and say next day. My husbands doc even designed his bandage to allow usage immediately. Protecting the incision site , but full access to port. This doc's usual approach. Again in a do over I would have gone to him. I didn't go to him only because it was new insurance and I didn't understand the insurance yet.
Also, any one trys to come near you with bear hands for any IV insertion or puts gloves on then tears off the fingertip. to palpate the vein------STOP them immediately. _it's against all Policies.. I was brain compromised when I let it happen and ended up with an infection as a result.
If you demand a port--they may counter with "well then that will delay your chemo" ---Well what can I say---- ask the questions I have posed above. Even if you give them a week for incisional healing what does it mean to your long term health.
There are pro's and con's to any subject. On this topic they will give you a fight. If your only usable veins in the GOOD arm are destroyed by chemo. What are they going to use for the rest of your life.
I learned to late to protect myself and I'm a nurse because I trusted my doc's to do what was in my best interest.
BAM3---This is not written to upset you , but what I said in my PM is exactly what you are going to find on the discussion boards. THE GOOD , THE BAD, AND THE UGLY. ------------aND THE THINGS THAT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN TOLD ABOUT ----SAS
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Barbe and Luan--------Thanks---This reaction so caught me off guard that I'm still in the beginning stages of dealing with it. All my life, I have included single women in gatherings. For the very reason that I'm presented with now. On special occassions, like holidays or when we had parties they were included. My sister who has been single since she was 30, always commented on it, and said how unusual it was. I just had never considered it. It was like ----how can people be so insecure. Well I now get it. The next future period is going to be different---I just don't know how. But at least I have an idea of these womens insecurities, and avoidance is going to be part of the plan.
Shit it's 6 am -------------another no sleep night. Love AI's-------------------NOT.
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Rupe, tell your wife to go back to the bimbo and tell her that she just found out that the more time she (the bimbo) spends in your wife's conversation area/zone, the more likely that she (bimbo) is to get breast cancer! THAT should keep her away!!
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I get offended when I hear people say that cancer (in general) is a "rich person's disease". Oh, REALLY??
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So if it's a rich person's disease why do I have so many unpaid bills?
Leah
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Leah, exactly......not sure how that got started, it's absurd. They say because of the high-sugar, high-fat diets of wealthier people - NEWSFLASH: it's a lot easier to eat healthy when you are rich than when you are struggling.
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Can I sum this up in one word
ASSHOLES.....................hmmmm, maybe I'm having a bad day, no I feel fine, just had to put
an end to the stupidity we hear everyday.
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Maybe poor people can't afford to be diagnosed? I know gout was known as a rich mans disease, but I haven't heard cancer referred to that way.
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Hey, barbe..............I'm not being inconsiderate, lacking compassion, nasty, or thoughtless, but I have seen some so called "poor people" who get a hell of a lot more for nothing then some who have insurance.............Then I have seen people (my son-in-laws parents), who between the two of them make somewhat over the "poverty level", and when they went for food stamps, the newest thing "cell phones" for free, and help with their utilities............they were told "you make too much money...........together they gross from SS. 22,000, and its 2 people.........there rent is $980.00 a months...........The only thing she gets free is her meds.........she had cancer 23 years ago, and a recurrance after 14 years........she had a mastecomy in 88, and another 1 in 2003...I worked for a Pharma Co. , so I told her how to get Access to Care.........she applied, and gets all her meds free.........So poor people can afford to get their healthcare taken care of, they just choose not too..................They get it free from the Gov.........I'm not complaining that they get it free...........my point is they do get it, and possibly choose not to go for Mamms.
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Also, my son-in-laws parents carry their own Keystone 65 health insurance which costs them $169.00 a month.............so if your not poor, or not middle to upper class, you have a real struggle on your hands to get by from month to month...........My son-in-law and his brothers and sisters, help the out by buying them things they need. That is how they get by, and I'm sure there are many, many, more out there like them who just make a tad too much to qualify, but not enough to make it comfortably. It is a worry.
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I said people say it's a RICH person's disease, not a poor person's disease. You guys have it the other way around. Yes, you would think it would be a poor persons disease due to lack of screening, etc., I don't know why it's referred to as a rich persons disease.
By the way - there is far more involved in a poor persons treatment than the cost of treatment itself. You think a poor person could take off 6 weeks of work for surgery? 4 months for chemo? Rads? Think again.
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Ducky, you are correct. The people who have it worst are actually not the people who don't work. It's the families with children who make just above the poverty line. They make too much to qualify for benes, yet not really enough to make it.
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I am really, REALLY tired of the comment "Look on the bright side and go for the mastectomy - you'll get free new boobs!"
HOW is that a bright side, really? I don't WANT free new boobs. I want my old ones, disease-free. I fail to see how a major surgery with major repercussions emotionally and physically, not to mention a long recovery time, can be construed as "the bright side" because "it's free".
it's NOT FREE, and it's NOT GREAT. I find myself wanting very, very badly to say "Why don't YOU just contract breast cancer and get the free f&*^! ing new boobs yourself."
But, I have refrained so far. Barely.
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I stopped chemo over 3 years ago and still have no hair or not enough to make me look like I didnt escape from the nursing home and I have never had any help from CS or any doctors to help me get a cure of my hair loss just at least your here but part of us dies for sure and wigs are so hot so very hot everyone speaks of Susan Kolman etc groups and its gone so political its all about money no one helps us there are a group of us Taxatears we call our self and no one listens no large facility not the SA who made the chemo its pretty disgusting and it all amounts to money but money does NOT make you happy family and love does
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My friends and co-workers have been great, actually. But I did lay down some ground rules. Especially email. sheesh, nothing like opening up your email after just being diagnosed and people send you 'funny stories' about losing your breast or studies that are out of the country or what not.
The worst however came from my BS.Yep, my breast surgeon. I had been on Taxol for chemo for about 6 weeks. The oncololgist was concerned that the Taxol wasn't working but said, "lets wait for the MRI". I go and see the BS -- why, I still don't know since surgery was about 6 months away -- and she says after feeling my breast, (the least effective diagnostic tool the doctor has) that my prognosis was poorer. I am understandably upset by that, to which she then says "I should accept the fact I have cancer" This after knowing me for 10 minutes.
Thankfully, the MRI showed that the cancer had shrunk considerably and that I could then continue onto AC. Which continued to shrink the tumor down to 7mm from a 7cm tumor. Almost a complete response. I sometimes think what would have happened if I hadn't signed up for a study that allowed for that MRI. I wouldn't have gotten that MRI if not for the study.
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Enjoylife... Come on over to the Bonfire of the Goddesses. We have refreshments waiting for you as you throw whatever it is that you need to into the bonfire. I promise you'll feel better afterwards.
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Sometimes, it's not what they say, it's what they don't say. Did anyone ever get a totally bland, expressionless, no comment face when being told you had cancer ? You can actually see the wheels turning. They're looking for an escape route and want to dispose of your presence asap. Yes, Barb, I agree, I think they actually believe they can catch BC....!
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Did you ever get the ones who see you for the firs time, and run to you with "arms wide open", and then whine............"OOOOOhhhhhhhh, how are yooooou feeling"........and you think to yourself................'obviously better then you, you whiny piece of dog crap", "I have cancer for Gods sake, don't act like I'm ready for the undertaker......................Then there are those who can't even say the work "cancer"...........I said to a very good friend after I was diagnosed when she said "sorry to hear your having a problem".................................I said to her "its cancer jackass, its cancer, and if you say it you won't catch it".............guess she caught me on a bad day .................Needless to say I haven't heard from her since................Nothing gained, nothing ventured............Don't miss her whining.................hugs ladies
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I hate that, "OOOOOOHHHHHH, how are you?" with the condescending tone. I hate it! I Hate it!! I HATE IT!!!!!!! I ask them the same thing in the same tone. Some I tell I'm not dead yet.
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The thing I keep getting, and almost always from Doctors, Phys Therapists, and Nurses who should know better...
"You're so young, why did they do a MX instead of a lumpectomy?"
You'd think medical professionals would know that there is no "one size fits all" treatment plan for cancer!
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The lady who was cleaning my teeth actually had the nerve to ask me, 'what's your prognosis?' i mean seriously?? she asked me if i lost my hair..., hello i was wearing a bandana! she asked me what my cup size before bc was and why i didnt go bigger. Then she told me that i have to maintain my body's ph level, said she's known this for 30 years and even dr. oz says this! i wanted to tell her to shut up but i know not to bite the hand that will be cleaning your teeth! afterwards she wanted to toss in with my free toothbrush, a book 'understanding your breast cancer'. i said no thanks i already have a pile of those at home and want to get rid of it!
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Hey, Letlet, maybe you should have bitten her! By accident, of course.
And then claimed chemo messed up your reflexes.
Leah
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Haha, i should have Leah! Oh i forgot she commented 'it's a good thing radiation didn't affect your teeth'. I swear i'm not making any of this up!
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I hate when people say "oh, you have so much courage" what? I didn't ask for this, I have no choice in the matter. I never know what to say to that.
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How about "Oh, yeah, what gives you that idea?"
this is why I havent told many people besides those closest but some of them can be bad enough...
I think what hurts the most is when the dont say anything and don't call.
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