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Worst Thing Someone Said To You?

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Comments

  • flyingdutchess
    flyingdutchess Member Posts: 107
    edited April 2010
    Sunshine, I would love to see her face if you answered "I did!"
  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited April 2010

    One of (what I thought was) my good friends said, "I don't know why you're so upset.  It's not like it's going to kill you or anything."

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited April 2010

    Sunshine, you should have said, "I DID! OMG you can see dead people!!"

  • veggy
    veggy Member Posts: 4,150
    edited April 2010

    barbe1958 - Good one!If I ever have the chance to use that I am.

    I'm getting to thed point that I do not want to talk to my mom. Not only do I deal with breast cancer but I had thyroid cancer. The thyroid results came back that they got all of it and I am done. My mom says, "Pretty soon you will be done with all of this." Breast cancer isn't liked getting rid of a splinter. You pull it out and then pore medicine on it and that's it. I wish it was. Every 6 months I go back for mamogram and wait for the results. Inbetween that I see the oncologist and radiation doctor. I am triple negative and I have a higher chance that it might come back. She doesn't get it. Sorry for venting girls. She just upsets me now and then.

  • gaia
    gaia Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2010

    worst thing said to my mom : if god wants this we can't stop it. i almost killed this person

  • nancyh
    nancyh Member Posts: 185
    edited April 2010

    I was walking downtown with a friend one day and had my scarf on, so it was obvious that I was on chemo.  Anyway, a homeless guy shouted at me, "Hope it works!" 

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited April 2010

    You should have said, "It certainly works better than you!"

  • KittyDog
    KittyDog Member Posts: 656
    edited April 2010

    I have a seven year old daughter through an open adoption.   I haven't talked to the birthmom recently because my mom hasn't called me to the phone so I could rest....just had mastcetomy when this happened.  Anyway. She called and talked to my mom and told her well no matter the outcome of my cancer, she will get her girl back when she is 18.  Now why in the you know what would she say something to my mom like this.  Of course my mom had to tell me because she hates the girl.  It so makes me want to write in my will that she may never see her again if something happens to me.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited May 2010

    At 18 it's your daughter's decision anyway! How silly is the mom?

  • westiemom
    westiemom Member Posts: 86
    edited May 2010

    Here's the dumbest I've heard and from a nurse who works at an oncologist office......."well let it be known that breast cancer of all cancers is the best cancer to have" I wanted to say "really?, here ya go, take it"

  • otter
    otter Member Posts: 757
    edited May 2010

    Re:  "Don't worry...no one dies from breast cancer anymore."

    Suggested reply:  "If that's true, then tell me why breast cancer is still the second-leading cause of cancer-related deaths in women (in the U.S.).  It's true that more women die of lung cancer nowdays than breast cancer, but breast cancer kills more than 40,000 women in the U.S. each year."

    This is a handy source:  American Cancer Society "Cancer Facts & Figures 2009"--

    http://www.cancer.org/docroot/STT/content/STT_1x_Cancer_Facts__Figures_2009.asp?from=fast

    otter

  • Ca1Ripken
    Ca1Ripken Member Posts: 829
    edited May 2010

    I am truly floored at all of these comments... and I have 3 to add, but it is early yet...

    1.  From a very close friend of mine... "at least they caught it early...."  Um, check out my siggie...

     2.  Another close friend... "you picked a good cancer to get, you'll get lots of sympathy...'

    and 3.  From my nurse coordinator... "just think, in a year, you can get 2 new boobs..."  Really?  Because that wasn't my goal here!!

  • janny99
    janny99 Member Posts: 49
    edited May 2010

    I have a neighbor who has always been a bit of a hypochondriac...she will come over to my house and say the usual "how's your cancer?  How are you feeling?  Oh, I feel soooo sorry for you....", then she proceeds to give me (in great detail) her latest ailment of the week, and her latest pain medication she's on, her latest 'new' doctor, her latest complaint about the medical system  etc etc etc. 

    I have always been really patient with her (for the past 10 years or so), but the other day I kind of lost it with her and told her that she is too young to be unhealthy, and that she needs to quit being sick and start living her life because one day she might really "BE sick"....find ONE doctor (or physician's group) and stick with it, and get off of all her narcotics!!!!   I really feel bad, because I'm really not that insensitive....I feel like such a b#%ch....she actually thanked me for being honest with her, but I don't know if she will talk to me again. 

    I feel bad, but sometimes I just cringe when I see her come up to the door.  I really think I'm doing pretty good considering what I'm going through right now with dealing with breast cancer, and sometimes I think that she see me and because I don't "act sick" that I must not be sick....I don't know....feeling pretty lousy about the whole conversation now.

  • IsThisForReal
    IsThisForReal Member Posts: 154
    edited May 2010

    Oh the comments I have had...

    1. From my father when I told him I had cancer...he started talking about my terminal aunt and just went on and on.  I finally had to butt in and tell him I was trying to stay positive and he wasn't helping.

    2. Again, my  father asked if I had an upcoming appt.  When I said 'yes', he said...'oh, whatever.'  I couldn't even think fast enough to respond to that.

    3. My brother, 'well, if you can get another 10 years that is good.'  Really??  I'm only 46!!

    4. My MIL, I asked her what a spot was on her hand to which she replied, 'cancer' and started laughing.  I turned away from her for a second, then turned back to her and said...'oh, that's real funny isn't it?'

    5.  My MIL, keeps telling me how good I look...how I lost so much weight...and I look so good.  I finally had it with that and said, 'and I only had to get cancer to lose weight and buy a wig and some makeup to look so good.' She said...(get this)...'oh I hope I never get that'.  Sheesh.  How would you respond to that?

    6 My SIL, told me how fantastic my 'hair' looked, so I thanked her.  Then she says, 'Gee, that looks better than your own hair!' Several times. I told her if she liked it so much that I'd lend it to her when I was done with it and she could use it.  She walked away.

    This one amazes me...

    An aquaintance was on the side walk just as I exited a building.  She immediately asked, 'How ARE you??'  I said fine, and how ARE you...in the same tone.  She looked uncomfortable but babbled for a couple seconds, and I said I needed to put my bags in my truck which we were standing beside.  She took that as an opportunity to make a beeline  across the street to her own vehicle, got in, and drove away!   No goodbye, no nothing, just gone.  OMG - lmao!

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited May 2010

    The Worst Thing Someone Said To Me?

    Nothing at all.  I was diagnosed in December and have not heard one word from ANYONE in my husband's family.  My husband and I have been married for 14 years.  It's not like none of these people know me.  So not a single card, e-mail or phone call from my FIL, MIL, 3 SIL's and 2 BIL's.

    I swear my husband was left on their doorstep by gypsies because he is nothing like these people.  He is the most caring and wonderful husband I could ever ask for. 

    I hate those clueless questions that some people ask you but I guess it's better than being completely ignored.   

  • lvtwoqlt
    lvtwoqlt Member Posts: 765
    edited May 2010

    Kate, I know exactly how you are feeling. My in-laws adopted my husband when he was 3 and they (mainly his sisters) treat him like trash. Before my diagnosis, they didn't accept me into the family, when there are family dinners, they only want me to bring drinks. Although at the time I was having my surgery, their father was dying from liver cancer, he died 5 days after my surgery. But after that they never came by or called to see how I was doing.

    I will admit I suffered from foot in mouth disease last week. After the restorative yoga class, a woman was waiting in the living room of the wig bank for the Futures Unlimited meeting to start, she had a scarf on her head and we started talking about the different support groups that meet there each month. I invited her to the Arm-n-Arm group meeting on Monday. She said that she was at the meeting last month and we (along with the coordinator nurse) started talking about the Relay for Life the first weekend of June. She mentioned that she had a large batch of Gumbo made to sell at the event in the Arm-n-Arm booth, then I realized who she was. It was then I opened my mouth and stuck my foot in up to my knee cap. I said 'oh, I didn't recognize you without your hair.' At the meeting she had a very nice wig on and her glasses. She was minus both of them when I saw her last week.

    foot-in-mouth Sheila

  • enjoylife
    enjoylife Member Posts: 187
    edited May 2010

    Ladies I dont think these people do it on purpose they  just dont know what to say I have had my brother stay away he is afraid of getting it like its contagious and his wife who has been my sister law for over 40 years she never once got on the phone she doesnt know how to handle it my brother said I am the one handling it not her ....its hard on both sides of it maybe they should offer a educational class on what to say and how to be supportive for people like this ...

    Maura

  • IsThisForReal
    IsThisForReal Member Posts: 154
    edited May 2010

    Actually my Dh's family never contacted me either...throughout the diagnosis, surgery, or chemo (which I am still in).  I chalked that up to them being uncomfortable and not knowing what to say, and still do. 

    There are many, many others who have been wonderful and who've let me know that I'm in their thoughts, prayers, if I need anything, etc - as I'm sure everyone here has gotten support like that also. 

    You have to admit with some of these comments a person really has to stop and scratch their head because they are way out there though!   Wink

  • lmays
    lmays Member Posts: 23
    edited May 2010

    Caught up with someone I thought was a great friend but who had run for the hills when she heard I had BC.  What did she offer as an excuse for never coming to see me?  "Just didn't want to bother you."  Really?  Didn't mind me coming by and waiting on her hand and foot when she was ill.

    Just tell the truth - my BC scares you to death.  Imagine, for a moment, what it's doing to me.  This is an awful way to find out who your friends really are.

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited May 2010

    Imays- I can definitely empathize with you.  I had a friend that was kind of a plastic surgery junkie.  She's had about every procedure known to man.  Each time I was there while she recovered or had complications.  (Mind you, all of her surgeries were elective- just her trying to look younger.)  I listened to her whine for 2 months about a botched filler in her lip.  My husband works for the airline and I even gave her one of his free passes to fly to San Diego to try to get her lip issue straightened out.

    So where was she when I got BC?  3 text messages, 1 phone call and one 5 minute visit (which she scheduled between errands) in the last 6 months.  It is an awful way to find out who your friends really are but at least we now know and won't waste any more time on them. 

  • lady4law
    lady4law Member Posts: 32
    edited May 2010

    Kate33

    My best friend for 30 years, did not call or come by for weeks after my husband called her from the hospital, telling her I was just DXed with BC. Finally, after about 3 months, I called her and told (yep not asked) her I needed her to take me for my chemo treatment.  She started making excuses, when I told her my husband was out of town, my son at school, and I was unable to drive. SHe came with her husband and just sat in the infusment room staring at all the patients, almost the entire time I was havingmy infusment. (Almost 8 hours!).

    A few months later, her husband died, unexpectly. Guess who she called and asked to come stay with her for a week? (she lives very close, but did nto want to be alone at night). I stayed and was available to 24/7 phone calls for almost a year! 

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited May 2010

    lady4law- You are a much better person than I.  I haven't been able to move past my hurt and disappointment to revive my friendship.  But she doesn't seem too broken up about it, either.  She lives 2 doors down from me and now all we do is wave from our cars as we pass each other.

  • janny99
    janny99 Member Posts: 49
    edited May 2010

    My 'male' friend has been slowly slipping away since I first started this journey in March...I posted about it in another forum, but the meanest thing he said, was in an e-mail when I was asking him to please understand my emotional ups and downs (this was the month of DX).....he wrote to me "you say you have a lot of crap going on and I understand that, but everyone has stuff going on"....from that moment on, I knew he wouldn't stick around.  He touches bases with me, but could care less about what I'm going through.  I've wasted 4 years with this guy, and this hurts a lot.  I think it's best I found out now what everyone else has told me forever....he is a very self centered loser.

  • enjoylife
    enjoylife Member Posts: 187
    edited May 2010

     I am not sure what is up with people but I remeber before I was DX years ago a frend asked me not to stop coming around if she got sick from her DX she fought for 12 years and I was there all the way and I guess people feel like they might catch it or something its so strange if its anything else I dont think they feel this way. It hurts allot and maybe someday we will have some answers but at least we all know not to be that way with anyone.

    Maura

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited May 2010

    janny99- What you have experienced is a hundred times worse than just losing a girlfriend.  The saddest part is this happens a lot!  Men just can't deal like we can.  It's bad enough to go through bc but then to have someone leave in the middle of it is unbelievable.  Hopefully, karma will get him some day and he'll be all alone when he needs someone.  So sorry.  If it helps, we are all here for you!!!!

  • enjoylife
    enjoylife Member Posts: 187
    edited May 2010

    People are mean like I wrote before in this thread and I dont have my hair back after almost 2 years past chemo its the chemo Taxotore its awfull because even though I feel good and happy to be here part of me has a huge bandaid on my head I am trying so badly to fix it but there is no fix for it. God is great beer is good and people are CRAZY I love that song..

  • Ronike
    Ronike Member Posts: 3
    edited May 2010

    Have just found this site and feel so sad at all the awful thoughtless things being said at such a difficult time but glad to see a unique sense of humour shining through. Why do people ask "which one is it?" This was the first thing my OH asked so I just said "the one you like the best." I can't believe how hurtful and unsupportive he was, telling me one day when I was so upset I could hardly speak not to "take it out on him." He said he felt "neglected." When I was starting chemo I said that I didn't want anyone seeing me with no hair. He replied that he wasn't going along with that, it wouldn't bother him!!! WELL IT BOTHERED ME! No wonder he's now my ex-OH. I found this thread last night and have read about 20 pages both crying and laughing. My wonderful son is my rock and I am so proud of him. Hugs to everyone, we are members of an exclusive club but like someone said, even though we walk the same path we wear our own shoes.

  • hrf
    hrf Member Posts: 706
    edited May 2010

    My "male" friend also abandoned me. He said he would stick with me but he left. It's hard enough that we have to go through this but when you get left because of this bc and what it does, to have the people we depend on the most, actually leave is most hurtful.

  • janny99
    janny99 Member Posts: 49
    edited May 2010

    hrf ~ It's really hard to understand why this happens...sucks, but I feel if they "can't hang" when you need them the most, then I don't want to be involved with a man like that!  I know it hurts.  This 'male friend' of mine had the audacity to text me the other day and he said, "I'm sorry I've been so busy lately and haven't had much time for fun ".....etc etc etc  I was really angry about that!!!  He's not been around much at all, so apparently he thinks this whole thing is just a whole lot of FUN!!!   grrrrrr, just reinforced why I don't want him to even try anymore.  I know he'll try to come back when I'm through with my chemo, but "no way, no how" will I let him back into my life!!!

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited May 2010

    Here's some good news!  Did you know that breast cancer makes you pretty?!?!

    Well, apparently it does.  One of my neighbors had a party on Friday night and it was the first time any of my friends/neighbors had seen me since my MX.  (Which in itself says something- no one came to visit while I was recuperating.)  Anyway, everyone looked at me in shock and said, "You look so good!  I can't believe how good you look!"  (Not sure what they were expecting- old, gray and haggard?)  About the tenth time someone said, "It doesn't look like you've even been sick" I said, "Yea, but you should see me naked."  It wanted to whip out my tissue-expanded breasts with the giant incisions and the rock hard skin and say, "How's this for pretty?"  I know I should take it as a compliment but I felt like they all thought I was faking how miserable I've been the last 6 months. 

    Since I never got any kind of compliments like this before the only conclusion I can come to is that breast cancer does make you pretty!  Who knew? 

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