Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
-
It is really strange what people say at times.
my aunt took the cake the other day... She was complaining about a back ache and told me "make sure you won't get old". That I thought was a rather odd thing to say to a cancer patient. I prefered not to answer.
0 -
My stereo biopsy just over a year ago revealed three types of cancer per the path report. That report was wrong, but that's another story. Before further evaluation I called my mom and told her MD Anderson had a satellite clinic near her home and maybe I could get treatment there. Sometimes you just need your mom, you know?
Mom told me "We'll rent you a hotel room." Then silence.
She did send a $50.00 Starbucks card though.0 -
I feel bad that we are all here posting, but I'm really glad I'm not the only one who has been so incredibly let down by the people I was counting on the most. I'm certainly going to watch where I expend my energy when I get some.
Today I had a nice guy tell me I looked like a millon bucks. (clearly just trying to be kind) I said I'm not really liking my $40,000.00 haircut but I was glad he did.
0 -
Sukie--that is funny!
0 -
Missippqueen----------1-was it because she thought by renting you a room, that it would make it easier for you to get to testing. Huge hospitals often have hotels connected to them. May be she had knowledge of this and just didn't carry the thought through.2. Or was your interpretation she was afraid to have you around. I'll go with #1 because huge center actually have walkways above ground to facilitate ease of access. When you are going for a whole round of workups. it saves huge amounts of travel time and parking hassels etc. She offerred to pay for it . If it is connected they aren't cheap.------------------------------Hope it's the first. MDA has the best reputation. Take advantage of her offer. Then or now ask her "Mom why couldn't I stay at your place". If you never ask that question , you will never know what her intent was. Please, do not assume. You may regret it until the day you die. She may have thought this the best for you. she may have been selfish. You have to ask the question----------the answer may make you joyful because she was thinkinking of your best interest.or It could sadden you beyond beliefb/c they were selfish, but then there was no-----nnnoooooooooooo- miscommunication. You have to know the right thing
0 -
Hi Ladies,
My best friend come over and ate my soup. It was the day before my second chemo cocktail...... I had made it through the first treatment like a trooper (Taxotere/Cytoxin) but was told to be prepared for anything (nausea, fatigue, etc.) for the second round. So, I made a big pot of chicken noodle soup. This was going to feed me and my husband for the entire week. My best friend stops by unexpectedly as my soup is finishing (great timing)and being the polite person I am, offered her a bowl. She ate 4 bowls full (digging into most of the chicken) and took my pot down more than halfway! On her way out and stuffed to the gills, nonchalantly says "good luck tomorrow" "I know you'll do good, your such a trooper"! That next day...I went down, like a freight train hit me. WBC bombed. Where was my best friend then? Too busy digesting my chicken noodle soup, I guess. The moral of this story is not everybody that eats all your soup when you need it the most is your friend. Also, bringing your friends some food to eat in time of need, not eat up what they have, is considered a gracious act of kindness in most circles, am I wrong? Okay, I'm laughing about this now but every bit of this is true.
0 -
Mountain-------------Omg-------------I can't say anything else----------except don't depend on her she hasn't got a clue
0 -
Mountain: I am sorry about your friend's behavior and your soup!!!
It makes me feel better than I am not the only one with a feeling of sadness and hurt due to people letting me down. I guess what I struggle with is how do I get over it? It's hard not to harbor these feelings and also feel like you just don't want to spend time around those people anymore. In my case, my friends have been awesome, it's my family that sucks.
Everyone asked us to let them know if we needed help so when DH had to travel when I needed to get my port put in I called my brother because he had told me he was so slow at work (he's self employed so he can take time off whenever he wants). So he agreed to take me. Then when I told him the schedule he said "I don't have to stay there do I?" I said "yes, they won't let you leave". He said "well, how long do I have to be there? It won't be all day or anything will it???" He said it super annoyed......Wow...I am so glad I asked for your help. He made me feel so bad for even asking but because I was desperate I had to have him take me. He just made me feel soooooo bad for making him do it.
I swore I would not ask him for anything again but 2 weeks ago my 4 year old son had a Father's Day breakfast at school and my DH could not go because he had to travel out of town for a job interview. So my son said he wanted his uncle (my brother) to go instead. I called my brother to ask (eventhough I did not want to ask for ANYTHING, but my little boy asked me to do it - so I did against my better judgement!!!). He called me back two days later and said "yea, that's just not going to work for me". It was at 7am in the morning......he gave me no excuse. I got the impression he just couldn't be bothered......When I broke the news to my son, he cried.......broke my heart. Thank God we have wonderful neighbors and super good friends....my neighbor who my son adores took him and he was so happy. My friends ROCK. My family - not so much (oh except my Sister...she even took a day off work to come to chemo with me and help me with the cold caps and brought us meals). So since we are moving away with DH's new job I guess I won't have to see family much anymore except when we return to visit.....this is so sad to me. I don't understand them.......I have to find a way to get over it. It's on my list to talk to a counselor about. I don't want to feel this way forever......it's negative energy. FOr now I am letting myself be pissed and hurt for a while.
0 -
mdg. I'm really struggling with the how to get over it thing also. It will be the single issue that drives me into counselling. None of my family lives close by so they were pretty much off the hook from the get go as far as having to do anything. My sister (who I offered to have a baby for 15 years ago) has not even so much as sent a single e-mail to say she is thinking of me. My mom and dad have no idea what I'm facing here. They don't want to hear it. I've been scolded for allowing this to happen to myself. They want to come for their usual 3 day visit in Sept. but are anxious to get my surgery date because they don't want it to be in the way. God forbid they came and did something. My house is really starting to show the lack of attention due to chemo fatigue, by Sept it's not going to be pretty. I'm sure I'll have to hear about that also. I suggested they just didn't come this year but my son and his wife are having a baby and they want to meet the newest member of the family. I can't stop them either. They will be staying in a hotel at least. The idea of even trying to pretend that I'm happy to see them turns my stomach. I'd like to tell them what I really think but whats the point. Somehow it will be my fault for over reacting. I've been blessed with an amazing set of friends, a great boss and a husband who can carry a pretty big load when he has to. I'm trying to focus on all the good things I've learned about human nature through all of this. But, things within my own family are never going to be the same.
0 -
sukie, I don't have an amazing set of friends or a great boss and my family didn't rally around either, but I do have a wonderful husband. He is my only thread to strength and caring at this point. I hope he never realizes how much I NEED him. Love is one thing, need can be a scary thing! lol
0 -
Barbe. LOL He sounds amazing.
0 -
Sukie: I am sorry you feel the same way I do as I know how bad it stinks...and hurts! I often ask myself a few questions about these people. Are they scared to say anything? Do they not care? Do they think "she's strong and fine"? Do they think "BC is no big deal...she looks OK"? Are they just selfish? I will never understand why they acted the way they did. I do know that I am not that kind of person - I am a do-er. When people have a crisis, I cook, bring food, send cards, call, text and email. Even if I don't know what to say...I say I am thinking about you or praying for you or I am sorry I don't have the right words to comfort you. I think I have expectations of other that they will respond like I would.....maybe that is my problem for expecting so much. I love the line in the Gin Blossoms song Jealosy that says "if you don't expect too much from me, you may not be let down". I am trying to lower my expectations. I guess for me I want to let go of the feelings I have for these people that have hurt me and realize they will never act any different and stop "wishing" they would act different and prove me wrong. That ain't gonna happen.
Let your parents stay at a hotel then....if that is less pressure for you and they are coming despite how you feel, then assume no responsibility for them. Let them do their own thing and schedule times for them to visit you when it suits you. You DO have that control. If they want to come over and you don't want them too - that's OK. Tell them you are not up for a visit due to not feeling well. YOu have the BC card, so use it as you need to. Hugs!
I know how anxious you must be for surgery...I did mine first. Hang in there......
0 -
I was told: Well life is short. Also: "Everyone has to die sometime
0 -
My friends from church were the most supportive and helpful. Sending flowers and bringing food over while I recovered from surgeries. A best friend who lives out of town, never emailed, or called, and didn't send a card or anything. It's ok. she doesn't have to, we're still friends, but it is interesting how differently people respond. Another friend I hadn't seen in years, emailed me frequently with thoughtful supportive words and even sewed me a nbeautiful robe. (granted my hotflashes make it impossible to actually wear the robe, but she doesn't have to know that....she put so much love into it.) She has recently learned her father has cancer, now I pray I will say the right things to her. Not so easy.
I think BC effects us all differently, just as others respond differently to us having it. I worry that I may say something dumb to someone else here at BCO, I'm not always sure what to say either and I've had BC! I try to make a mental note when someone does something or says something truly thoughtful, so that I can act with the same kindness for someone else when they need it.0 -
Hi, I was at a party last year dring treatment and a man I was talking to said well you only have breast cancer. He said I have brain cancer and they can remove your breasts but they cant take out your brain. I felt like saying sounds like they already did. Oh well most people know what to say. SharonH
0 -
My own dad, when told about that I now had metastatic disease, said, "And least you won't get old like your mother."
My mother was a serious alcoholic of 60 years, who drank a liter of booze a day in between packs of cigarettes. She died of alcoholic cirhossis of the liver.
At, age 78.
I am amazed she lived that long with her lifestyle.
Was it a pretty death? No, but she earned it. And, while she didn't care about it a bit, she did get to see us grow up, she got to see her grandchildren (although didn't enjoy it) and she made it to 50+ years of marriage, things which I am highly unlikly to do.
That's what denial does.
I was floored that my father would say that.
0 -
I KNOW my Dad is spinning in his grave because I didn't do recon!! heheheheheh
And my poor Mother is dead, too, so she can't make my cancer HER cancer! heheheheh
0 -
Slinky so sorry you have to go through any of this let alone find that your sister doesn't care -that's a double whammy. Hope your SiS and nephew do well. Have someone contact the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. Truly and amazing organization. They actually give grants. Their fiscal years run from July 1st to June 31st. I don't know if you make the call and get initial app in before the 31st 11:59 pm, you may be able to get retroactive help back to July 1 of 2010. Phone1.800.557.2672. Call asap. you can pull off the paper work off the net. Have someone fill in the initial paperwork and fax. When whomever goes to the site look for --"co-pay assistance program". They have grants up to 5000$. Certainly, they'd be eligible for next fiscal year. God willing and the creek doesn't rise , they may be able to still get on for this year. I'm going to close this and send you a PM. to come back here for the info. Namaste sas
EDIT---was able to pm you and not wipe out this post------good luck
0 -
Sukie sorry your plate is so full. One thought though. Contact the social worker at your cancer center and see if they have a list of organizations that help with housecleaning . I found about it too late. I believe it's the American cancer society, but wouldn't swear to it. The social worker would/ should know. When you are used to a clean house, and then it isn't, that can really bring us down. You also can contact your insurance company and ask for a Cancer Case Manager to be assigned to you to help with problems. Many insurance companies are doing this now because of client difficulty navigating the system. They know if they can help you, ultimately it benefits them too. How? By keeping you from drowning with everything, they can save dollars by helping you. I praise all insurance companies that do this. WE called ours "cancer coaches". Our coach sent, a social worker to the house to assess what we needed. The SW provided phone numbers and names of resources we were eligible for. The INS. CASE MANAGER then followed up to see if things were getting done.
If you rather not go that route ask your PCP to make arrangements through your insurance company for the SW. Very often the cancer centers have them right on staff. Also, it was either you who had transportation problems or somelse. They can assist with recommendations on this also.
Many cancer centers have Foundations, that can assist with other things like bills as long as it isn't medical. Bottom line, if you are eligible for assistance----use it.
One last thing about the Insurance cancer case manager--------innumerable times they were able to run the gauntlet and get things done, that we would not have been able to on our own- Namaste sas
0 -
Sas, thank you! I advised my sis and nephew - hope they are eligible!
0 -
Slinky---so glad you saw the post my fear was that you might be on vacation or as I sometimes do don't check the boards for days. PHewww. Here's hoping. I think as long as the short info app is clocked in before the end of the fiscal year they will cover all eligible items.--------any help can go along way. Review my post to Sukie-----there is probably somethings in there that can help you. GOOOOOOOD LUUUUUCK.
0 -
jteach wrote:
After my mastectomy my sister-in-law sent me a big teddy bear in the mail with a happy face and a ribbon that said "Get Well Soon!!!
"Like I had a cold. She never called me once. Maybe SHE was afraid of catching it. Moron.
Janice
My SIL sent a similar card after my BMX (but no teddy bear); but all she wrote was, "have a comfy day". I would have laughed out loud, except I was too annoyed. Nope...I wasn't having a comfy day, far from it. Just had both my boobs cut off. She sent the same card again a month later. No calls or words of support, ever.
0 -
When I told my oldest sister about my mammogram and biopsy results she said, "Boy it sucks to be you!" and then exclaimed, " I'm glad I'm not you" and then she started laughing. I told her I needed to get off the phone and hung up on her. I am still shocked and hurt by her saying that to me.
0 -
Wendy...all I can say is OMG! She should be ashamed.... My sister likes to complain about how she hates her job and her life sucks.....I have had to refrain from playing "I can top that" with her......
0 -
A co-worker was selling pink trash bags & all of the money was going for breast cancer survivors in our area. Since I was a survivor, I bought some as did many of my other co-workers. One co-worker advised she was not going to buy them because she didn't like the color pink. I was like - it's a trash bag, who cares what color it is. It's for a cause. She then advised that she didn't like the color pink because she didn't want to get breast cancer. That was my limit! I advised her that I was pretty sure I didn't get breast cancer because I liked the color pink. Then I asked her what color the ribbon was for STUPID!0
-
omg! My neighbor has a broken collar bone. I saw her in the front yard and she said "how would you like to have what I've got?" I know, a broken collar bone is so much worse than cancer. On my way home from my MX I told my husband I was going to get out of the car and ask her "how would you like to have your breast cut off!"
0 -
Ok, here's my worst one so far....via text message....
Ex-BFF's husband: "when u get ur new boobs make sure they aren't bigger thanor she's really gonna be pissed"
Me: well, im gonna shoot for 36C but it'll be awhile, just found out I'm headed for chemo"
Ex-BFF husband: "well, you gotta EARN the new hoots"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UM SERIOUSLY???? Like I want any of this? Oh please, pick me so I can get bigger boobs someday.....I did not reply to him!!!0 -
Madismommy, I would change my phone number, stat!
0 -
OK I posted here a while ago about the worst things that were said to me, but today I was thinking about something that happened during my first round of chemo, right after I went completely bald. I was living in a neighborhood that was bit edgy, and up the street was public housing. 2 guys used to do maintainence around the buildings. We used to politely nod at each other on the street, but had never spoken until the first day I went out completely bald. Guy #1, who was big and bald, looked at me and said that now I had joined his club, and I was his sister now. Guy #2 just said he was praying for me and left it at that. Once in a while I would see him on the street and he would ask me if I needed anything. It was so sweet and kind. When my hair grew back, guy #1, said it was ok, I was still his sister.
I was so happy to remember that today. The kindness of strangers can be so powerful.
0 -
VERY cool.....humanity is amazing in all sorts of ways.
0
