Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
-
Maddismommy and Chabba: regretfully didn't smack him lol...but- I told this story to my radiation therapists today - 3 women- and they started swapping their stories... of the comments they get when they tell people their job. They planted then encouraged the idea of me writing a book in my funny and quirky way- about what not to say to a woman with breast cancer ( that could equally apply to other types in some ways)....I know there is a book out there on general cancer- their point was breast cancer is so diverse- anyway... I'm thinking about it..it sparked my interest... Would anyone even read it? Could I make it funny yet sensitive? Helpful to caregivers, friends and others suffering from hoof in mouth disease without being preachy? or should I just chalk this one up to an ill-conceived chemo brain idea?0 -
Lawgirl, There is another thread similar to this one "The dumbest thing anyone has said to/about you" that you should check out. ON it several sisters have said "someone ought to write a book". Between the two there shoud be plenty of material. You may need to check with the Moderators but I bet there would be a market.
0 -
thanks! Yes I commented over there too:p. But I made sure in response to one reader that it was clear I wouldn't copy/ steal ideas, being a lawyer myself lol. I'm not sure yet if I will, but I might ask for submissions/stories with proper credit/permissions and name changes if requested... And hey joint collaborations could be fun with another creative sister:) lol my Drs/therapists have some doozy stories of their own! I also know a counsellor who is a bc survivor who thought i was on to something and was willing to help:p
0 -
Lawgirl-------great idea, but it would be nice to have proceeds to go to BCO. Considering what they provide us at no charge. I recently went in on a Catholic thread ---76$ for six months. I wish I could cancel it. They are the not even close to the Cath thread here. The most outrageously funny thread here-----or may be I just have SNL humor bent, "OMG they found a cure for stupid". It petered out after the first hundred pages. Still is going but not as outrageously as before. People have graduated, still in the recovery room(inside joke) etc. Start from page 1 and read a few pages at a time, I will try to bring the link here . If i can't look in the depression forum.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/765586?page=1
tested x's 3-works
0 -
Just sent in a cancellation request on the supposed Catholic thread-----------what most unchristian site. If i get no money back------------well then they will have to deal with my thoughts
0 -
Yes... Not intending to keep proceeds... More part of my own "therapy"... my thought if I proceed is to donate to the places where submissions are received from- which would be likely-BCO and my local program:) still in thinking stages....
0 -
My oncologist... Told me that plastic surgery on my scars will make them look worse instead of giving me a couple of referals. How can she make that decision?!!
0 -
I have 2 good ones probably more but these are really burned in my head FOREVER!
"You have to keep on doing stuff or you are just the walking dead".
The other one was an aquaintance/friend walked by my house and congratulated me on making it until Christmas. "Ummmm geeeee thanks!"
0 -
Veggy-------I have bad scars too. If you get an answer let me know. My fear is I made it through 4 surgeries without an infection. Hate to press my luck. Have thought of tatoos?
3LG's-------you know it's one thing for us to make remarks, but idiots. Barbe is great with comebacks hope she see's this
Barbe-------you hoooo we need your biting wit!
0 -
sas- I'm not the tattoo kind of person. I'd just like to hear what the plastic surgeon would say. They would know more (I hope) than the oncologist. I'm in the worst funk right now. I can't shake this depression even with drugs.
0 -
New to the thread here.
When I started to explain DCIS to my brother, he cut me off and said "Stop, I don't need to know all that. Just do what your doctor says and you are gonna be fine. Lots of women survive breast cancer these days." (he's not good with emotions...I know he loves me dearly...but, really? That stung a bit, for sure.)
One girl also said "Oh, when I had a spot they had in question, my doctor told me if it was cancer they would take a piece out of my leg and make a new boob. So if it happened to me I would just tell them to cut them both off and get new ones. I wouldn't worry about it, I'd just do it!"
You just gotta laugh!
0 -
you have breast cancer, oh that's bad
0 -
The worst comment I heard was when I was in recovery after a twelve hour diep reconstruction after a BMX. One of the nurse's told me my nodes were negative(which of course I was happy about. The intern standing near pipes in, she went through all that and it was contained. Then he said what a waste. I promptly lifted my IV infused hand and gave him the finger and told him to #$%@ off. The nurse said to me you go girl.
0 -
D4hope, what, he thought it would only be worth it if you were a later stage??????????
3LGs you should have said you were from Christmas Past, was she really seeing you?????
0 -
This post always makes me laugh, because I know exactly how you all feel and the comments are so over-the-top they are not to be believed!
Here are my two humdingers, which after a year of many of them, stand out as jewels in the crown.
"Thank you so much for reminding me to be thankful for my excellent health." So glad my breast cancer is good for something.
"You may not be a mother, but you know what it is to be a martyr because of your cancer." Joan of Breast Cancer over here. Bizarre.
0 -
I love the book idea!!!
0 -
I guess so Barbe. The nurse reemed the intern out and said just because her eyes were closed doesn't mean she can't hear you. She then said they did teach you that in medicine 101. I laughed so hard it hurt. \LOL about the Christmas past, that's a good one.
0 -
I always crack up reading this....parts get me angry too. People are so stupid.
0 -
bump
0 -
When I found out that my DCIS was actually invasive and aggressive and that I would need Chemo my MIL said "Oh, so things are finally looking up". Reading all of your comments is helping me a lot.
0 -
Wow Bailee. That sucks all around:( Amazing how clueless some people can be.
0 -
Lawgirl, I would sooo read your book!
0 -
I'm having difficulty dealing with my diagnosis, and am seeing a therapist as a result. He asked me "Do your doctors think they can get all of it (cancer)? I just sat there stunned ... but, in hindsight, I wish I would have said, "No, they're going to leave some behind just for the heck of it" ... or better yet, "No, my doctors think I'm going to die right there on the operating table" ... I haven't been back to see my therapist ...
And, I've read through some of the other comments ... and, I have to agree that there have been countless times I've been told how many people someone knows that have died of cancer ... I've been really hurt by comments people have made ...
and, finally, I told someone that I was really scared, and he told me "I don't blame you, I would be scared too!" Wow, thanks for the compassion and support ..
0 -
trinity, actually the friend WAS being very compassionate by validating your fear. Telling you that 'everything is going to be okay' would have been so much worse. He is a true friend. I do understand the shock of hearing someone saying that, but he truly understood your fear. Keep him, he's one in a million!!
0 -
Barbe, I see your point ... my mother always tells me that everything is going to be fine, and it hurts me ... it seems that she's not understanding what I'm going through ... but, for some reason, I don't want to hear that I SHOULD be scared ... how is that helping me? I'm scared out of my mind ... Validating my fear only caused me to be more scared ... it's a fine line ... and, everyone reacts differently to comments ... For the most part, I don't think people know what to say when you tell them you have breast cancer ...
0 -
Trinity-
I think you should find another therapist, what a pointless, ignorant and insensitive comment. In fact saying that would have been another good comeback. Is there a cancer support organization, your doctor's office or hospital that might be able to refer you to a therapist skilled in working with people with major health issues, if not cancer specifically?
If not right now when it is all so new and impossible, eventually, you will realize the wisdom of Barbe's advice with regards to your friend.
Take care,
Julie E
0 -
Thank you Barbe and Julie ... it seems as though most things people say to me are hurting me ... I'm "super" sensitive to every comment ... I'm not dealing with all of this very well ... but, I do appreciate your comments and understand what you're saying ... thanks again!
0 -
trinity, we KNOW you are uber sensitive right now, just as we were when we were at your point. That's why I made the comment about him being a good friend. It wasn't to take away your horror of the comment, your reaction was totally understandable! It's just to let you know that he is the guy to talk to when you can. Any of us would have felt EXACTLY how you did at his comment!! I am not trying to deny your reaction, sweetie, I hope you know that. There are NO rules on 'how to deal with a cancer diagnosis' which is good, because then there are no ways to break them!
0 -
There are NO rules on 'how to deal with a cancer diagnosis' which is good, because then there are no ways to break them!
Barbe, that is a very profound and insightful comment ... it really helped me look at all of this from a different perspective ... YOU are one in a million ... thank you!
0 -
I know people mean well....but they dont always understand,
We all know that this is curable and treatable....and some of us will do well and so will fight it with every last ounce in their body......but in the back of our minds (or at least mine) - I always think of the close friends I lost (4 of them) to this so no it is not always ok or curable.
My sister in law - who is a a dear and who I love...complaining today about a small cut she had when they did her biop a few weeks ago (she was all good).
I told her would you like to see the two cuts on me ..... mine were cut off, stop your biatching and be thankful for that small cut it saved your life.
(yes I was cranky)
0
