Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
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How uplifting! They're are some wonderful people in this world; they kinda help to offset the not so wonderful people that we all seem to have in our lives (well, maybe not anymore!).
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It is nice to hear something so kind that happened as it seems those things happen few and far between. I will share one too.....just since we are all happy about something positive.
I was at the cancer center for a second opinion from the surgeons in the waiting room. The waiting room is huge there and filled with lots of women. I felt like everyone was staring at me (I guess because I am always the youngest looking one in the waiting room). I already knew I had cancer and was still in shock. This one lady kept staring and looking at me....I started to feel uncomfortable. She got called back for her appt. An hour later we were still waiting in the waiting room and she came out and left. I thought nothing of it other than we were completely annoyed we were still waiting to get called back for our appt for over 2 hours now....then, the woman came back in a few minutes later. She walked directly over to me and sat down and said "I know the look on your face, I have lived it". She said "I was where you are a year ago, I am Kathy and I want to tell you - there is life after breast cancer and you will be OK. I was sitting in the same place as you are 1 year ago today and I am doing great now". She sat down and we talked. She told me she had never approached anyone like that before and had gotten all the way to the parking lot and decided to come back in and approach me. She was so kind...I call her my BC mentor. I have been over to her house, met her family, had her family over for dinner and we still email weekly. My BLMX surgery date was the 1 year anniversary of her BLMX. My exchange surgery was one day after her exchange surgery anniversary too! There is a reason we were both at the cancer center that day. We are going out for lunch next week - she is retiring from being a school principal and I am treating her to lunch! On my surgery day - I sent her beautiful pink tulips. She sent me a wish necklace so I could make a good wish.... I guess this experience does cancel out some of the bad experiences I have had with stupid comments. Maybe we should start a thread called "The Kindness of Strangers".......???
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roninpt and mdg-where is the like button???
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mdg I completly agree with the nice people thread and it seems like its usually a complete stranger that touches us like your now friend. I work for the Univercity in Mo and we had a group come through and I had been dreading this young group didnt think they would have much interest in our dept. but there was a leader of the group and she sat in the front office with me and I told her I was looking for a cross I had lost on a chain around my neck and told her of my journey and they left and all of a sudden a couple of hours later she came back to our door and she had gone out to buy a cross for me and I have had it on every since and I think it was 2009 and it stays on a chain around my neck all the time. She didnt even know me and touched me so much.
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Enjoy life that brought tears, what a kindness.
Mdg--------a moment in time that changed her history and yours.
I had a potential moment, missed it and still regret every thought of it. At the wellness center pool. Saw a guy , well built good looking-striking actually. He'd do one lap and just lean on the pool edge. I could tell he had a pacer/defib on the left upper shoulder from 30 feet away. He kept doing the crawl. To anaerobic. Needed to be doing aerobic-- slower back stroke and a couple of less anaerobic strokes. Debated for about 5 minutes whether to go and talk to him. Didn't-----a lost opportunity, telling it now to support MDG's opposite story. A moment in time can change history. I regret not doing it. Still regret not doing it. Will always regret not doing it. Doesn't matter what the overriding reason was at the time, could have changed the guys life.
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Sas - I've missed opportunities too. I think sometimes missed opportunities happen just to make us more aware, setting us up so we don't miss an even bigger opportunity down the road.
mdg - I like the idea of a "the kindess of strangers" thread. Sounds so uplifting. I love the kindess stories you all have shared. My story isn't a stranger, but I have a friend I hadn't seen in a long time, who sent me a gold cross book mark. She just said she was thinking of me and thought I would like it. I thanked her said she must have heard I had BC; but she hadn't heard!!! She just happened to send that gift the week after I was diagnosed!! I thought that was providential!!
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I think in all of this down deep inside we all just want a little hope and compassion..when strangers extend that it goes a long way. What's sad is many of the people that we love and care about that are imortant in our life often are not the ones able to extend what we need. It makes me sad to think people I thought I could count on bailed or just stay away, but I there is nothing I can do to change that. I have been blessed far greater by those that have stepped up to help and support me than those that were staying away or said the wrong things.
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Faithroad-------good point , I know I won't let an opportunity pass again. I've thought about it so much, I even have planned the words to use. Thanks sas
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I keep receiving comments about celebrities who had breast cancer and how wonderful they are doing and going on with their careers etc. Today I was treated to a comment that went something like this
" Christina Applegate looks fabulous, so you have something to look forward too! Before I could return a comment, she started to open her mouth again and not ready to hear another one like that I walked away because I would have been in danger of losing my job. Most people are pretty low key, ask how you are doing, Tell you to stay strong and that they are praying for you, but some have been absolutely pathetic. I have heard " very few people die from breast cancer these day", "Oh! those breast cancer organizations are all over the place and with big bucks, they will find something that will cure you soon. One young woman told me she would go buy something pink today to help my cause. Another woman on the job with BC was treated to pictures of breast drawn on boxes suddenly showing up in her area and overheard comments that becuase her hair didn't fall out she was probably not sick, just took the time for a boob job and to be off of work. Soon after I was DX that same idiot commented" let's see if this one's hair falls out". People are pathetic, but these are not my friends, not my family and I don't have to associate with them, so I let it all slip past me. I can't believe we have gone from people never talking about the " Big C" to harsh and mindless comments about it.
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Reading the above posts, I'm just blown away by the comments that people make. I'll add one more to the pot. While going thru my BMX and reconstruction, my boss and his wife were filing for divorce. His wifeworks at the office part-time and one day she says to me how she would much rather go thru breast cancer than a divorce! I said I didn't understand how she could say this and she said that it was easier to lose her breasts than her husband. Unbelievable!
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"she said that it was easier to lose her breasts than her husband."
And she thought they are mutually exclusive???????? Like you said, unbelievable!!!!!!!
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Daydream--that idiot ought to be reported to the boss and the HR department-------That falls under sexual harrassment and creating a hostile work environment, as far as I believe ------where's the buss, or is the buss someplace else? If I remember I'll throw her in the bonfire.
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Some people I have been told just dont know what to say but this lady was very self centered no way was she being polite as she didnt knwo what to say its her world and her problem a close friend of mine for years said all you do is dwell on the cancer excuse the F out of me but I was afraid of all my changes and I am divorced and cant loose my income and life and chemo scared me more than the surgery itself is what I told her and she shut up from then on beer is good god is great and people are crazy for sure...
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http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/78/topic/770796?page=1
new thread on hot Flashes---------lots of good suggestions
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Wow! I take he's off again? Just sayin'
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travelgal - either way, she'd be losing a boob!
Seriously, how anyone can compare cancer and a divorce is beyond me. If I were in your shoes, she would have gotten my "you're an idiot" stare, which I created for occasions just like this.
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jenn
He needs to be gone in a New York minute! You need TLC, not a moron during this most vulnerable time in your life. Value yourself and lose him! You are special and deserve better! (((hugs))) Janice
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Jenn, he sounds more like a lousy Dad. Drop him like yesterday!!!!
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My DH met me at a certain weight time in my life and loves me dearly. But my Dad thought it would be appropriate to tell me that if I lost some weight my DH would love me even more!!!!!!!!!
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Eejit...I love it. I haven't heard that expression in years.
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Last week my 400 lb coworker looked at my sandwich and told me how unhealthy it was and that I really should examine my diet. Then he suggested the my diet was what caused my cancer. All while he was eating his standard chemically packaged Lean Cuisine. My blood is still boiling.
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Jenn-------on and off gut should be off permanently------jerk.
In the dicussion on lossing a breast(s)in 2009 and a husband ,except mine died in 2010.I don't know about divorce, but it's so hard to get out of bed everyday and it's not b/c of the breasts.
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I have had a few conversations where the person names off all the people they know that have died of cancer....."oh my you have breast cancer? my aunt died from that, and my dad died of prostate cancer, then I there was my neighbour who had a really painful stomach cancer and they suffered sooo much before they died....then there was my sister's friend's brother, but he died too..."
I'd LOVE to be able to see the look on my face while I am listening.....
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New thread on social security questions answered by a lawyer whose wife has BC. Knows his stuff------posting on a bunch of threads---------go to financial forum
Can't make link work without trouble, not up for it.
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bump
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Here's one: are you sure you have cancer? It's such a big business these days you know Drs make thousands of dollars off their patients.
this was a good friend's comment after seeing me part way into chemo and well
After I got diagnosis. he's an ex-friend now.0 -
Lawgirl - As he should be! Numbskull
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Ok, that's a good one lawgirl.... "are you sure you have cancer". Did you smack him upside the head for that one? My goodness.....
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------THERE IS A HEN HOUSE PARTY in OMG THEY FOUND A CURE FOR STUPID. iT'S BEEN QUIET FOR AWHILE. VEGGEY HAS KEPT IT GOING
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/765586?page=122#idx_3635
EVENTUALLY TRY AND READ FROM PAGE ONE, IT IS A COMEDY CLASSIC------WORTHY OF THE OLD SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE. MAKES FUN OF EVERYTHING. AROUND PAGE 40 SOMEONE CALLED US A BUNCH OF CACKLING HENS. tHAT WAS GOOD FOR ANOTHER 50 PAGES OF TOTAL NONSENSE-------YEAH.
PETERED OUT AFTER THE HUNDRED PAGE PARTY. PASS THIS ON TO WHOMEVER YOU WOULD THINK MIGHT ENJOY IT. AND GET YOUR SILVER HAT READY
sent this to people and threads did however get confused at times and may have had wrong names it------oh well it's them drugs LOL ------invite whomever you would like. I think I will make a knew hat.
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I am nearly 5 years out from chemo (in February 2012). I was commenting at a luncheon that I was nearly five years out from chemo and that with my very aggressive breast cancer, my chance of recurrence at this point drops down close to zero.
A woman looked at me and said,"I had a friend that thought that way. She had a big party at her five year mark to celebrate. Three months later she was dead from pancreatic cancer."
All I wanted to do was slap her. Instead I smiled sweetly and said, "Thank you for the support and encouragement."
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