Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
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I overheard the radiologist!, who did the ultrasound at Ottawa Civic Hospital.
"I've never seen anything like this!"
All other women waiting for mammo also did. I could see that on their faces. It wasn't me listening under the door to the staff office, which were wide open.
Today I would be happy to advise him to discuss that matter with my family doctor. She never examined my breast. I'm with her for 7 years! And there is a checkmark on every yearly-checkup list! That she did in fact performed the exam.
Since then I think we are only as healthy, as good our doctors are.
Anyone? Good family doctor in Ottawa?
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It really wasn't bad coming from this person. He has been my "kind of BF" on and off for 4 years. Each Valentines day we call each other up and say "do you have a Valentine?" and each year we both say no. We see each other for 4-5 months until the drive gets to us (It's long) He has Aspergers, Phd from Harvard in Quantum Physics, whatever that is but is very high functioning. When I told him, he said, " I've, known lots of women with breast cancer who are hotter than women without it with their clothes on" I told him he was an idiot. He told me to try some vegetable/blender diet. I told him he was an idiot again. He paused, them laughed. I really don't think he will mind. We'll see next Valentine's Day. I would have killed anyone else. Gotta love him.
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Forever mummy I hope you did something about this its all against our HIPPA laws they are never to discuss your case or anything infront of anyone else I actually had a BC doctor tell me infront of all the patients in the waiting room I was having breast surgery the next day of course that was impossible didnt have enough tests done and I dropped her right then and there for having a disorganized office and went all the way to Boston we have to speak up for the ones they will do it to again who the hell do they think they are if you gonna be in that proffesion either take the time to do it right or dont do it is the way I feel.
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Did nothing terrified and devastated with that kind of diagnosis.
But probably still should. I have the TOH Board of Ethics contact information...
And you can find on internet that this is one of the best centers in the world!!! What would be the worse like?
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Shortly after my diagnosis: Hope your son will take your cancer as an opportunity to rethink his lifestyle!!!!!
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I thought the nurses at the hospital were supposed to be there for any questions you have but when I phoned to ask about something today that I didnt understand I was told crossly "I'm sure I have been through this with you already". Well she obviously hadnt explained well enough the first time.I wont ask them anything again.
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NO Abby, you definitely should keep asking, no matter how annoying you might appear to THEM... this is about you and your body and your health... and most importantly, your peace of mind. You are absolutely entitled to having every question of yours answered and addressed, as best as possible. They are the experts; we are just the ones living with it.
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Thank you Orangemat. I was wondering if it was me being difficult. That was the impression she gave me.
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Abby, you are paying their salary, you are the patient, no matter how many times it may seem you ask the same question, they should give you the answer without any attitude. Sometimes they forget that without patients they wouldn't have a job.
Sheila
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786ab--------Report the person to their supervisor--------doesn't matter what kind of day, what happened 5 minutes before---------totally no excuse--------that nurses response was wrong.
It does however remind me of a story. I ran a cardiac arrest on the nursing unit. It's highly unusual for a nurse to do that , but the doc "Hit the Wall". I used to train medics. Recognized the problem and took over. Brought a flat line back. Generally the stats on that are < 1%. Or even less. Patient with vital signs to the ICU. Next patient, I contacted ripped me up one side and down the other b/c he hadn't had fresh water in x amount of time. I tried to explain that the aides changed water during sleeping time in the early am. NOPE---he kept ripping, I couldn't say to him you flipping analpore, do you realize I just saved a life that had the statistical chance of < than 1 % of a return of a pulse. I got him a new picture of water. He thought me an analpore, he knew no difference. That's nursing. One minute you save a life , next minute your an idiot.
Edit for nurses reading this---------what we later learned was that it was a pacemaker failure, the patient didn't recover consciouness, but the family was allowed closure b/c of a device failure, that the wife was properly compensated for. It wasn't worth the loss of her DH , but the company admitted fault.
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When the woman who cuts my hair learned that I had cancer she said to me: "I wish that would happen to me, I could use a boob job." Needless to say, that was the last time she cut my hair.
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Someone actually asked me if I "liked my new boobs" and said that BC was bad but "at least you got new boobs out of it". I wanted to slap her across the face and ask if that is something she'd say to someone with a prostetic leg. Can you imagine? "at least you got a new leg" lol
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MIL: "I didn't want to be around the doom and gloom." "We're not your servants. We weren't picking up after you and doing your laundry." Comments made to answer why there was no offer of support after my dx and BMX. She had the nerve to criticize how I handled my diagnosis, eventhough my kids didn't even know I had cancer or BMX for almost 3 months! Guess I didn't handle it that badly.
The insensitivity and lack of empathy from people is unreal. Chin up sisters, at least we can commiserate with eachother.
Hugs,
PLJ
Edited to say OMG, Rachel, you cracked me up! "At least you got a new leg!" I wonder what she would have said to that...puts things in a new light for people.
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I just finished 5 of 8 treatments. When I talked to my mom on thanksgiving, she said to me, "oh, I thought you were done with that". Mind you, I keep everyone updated through a fb page and have been posting about how excited I am to finish up around new years. Also had a random stranger ask me if I shaved my head for "fun".
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A drama queen at work who has an abnormal Pap, said to me "if anything happened to you, your kids would get over it because they're older but mine would be devastated because they are so much younger". I showed her the door. She won't be back. Ever.
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Wow. Just wow, Outdamnedspot!
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I've about had it with people telling me I'm "lucky". My BC is stage 1; tumor grade 2. I had a bilateral mastectomy and am on tamoxifen. I don't feel lucky.
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TeranO-
I would've rather been "lucky" at a casino, on a game show or even the lottery! Unfortunately people get verbal diarrhea when they don't know what to say or how to express support. May have been intended as glass half full, but gee whiz, they don't want our luck right?!
Best wishes to you.0 -
A guy I work with asked me if I was going to feel like less of a woman after my BMX... ummm, fortunately, my gender identity isn't tied in with my breasts, you dumbass!
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I remember being 4mths out from dx and surgery finding another lump which thankfully was scar tissue, when asking my GP what he thought he said you have had cancer once so i cannot say it isnt cancer, he then went on to say shall i get a ruler out and measure it !!!!!!! i cried all the way home!!!!! insensitive or whatxxx
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I was thrilled when I had learned that a local foundation had accepted an application for aid from my oncology department. They are paying 3 months mortgage for me. I was having lunch the next day with a good friend and was telling her about it. Her comment was "you don't need that, do you? you have insurance, you aren't going to be out THAT much money!" I was so hurt at her lack of understanding and bluntness. She had NO idea how much this costs. None.
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I had a friend say, "have you gotten over your "situation" yet?
Another one said to me, "This Cancer thing has been great for you! You get a year off work, you put on some much needed weight (but could still use a couple pounds), and you get to wear this fabulous wig!"
:O
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Someone quite close to me told me he really believes the drug companies all have found the cure, but won't release it because then they'll all lose lots of money from the chemo drugs they sell now...
Everytime I look at him, that's all I can think of...keep trying not to sock him in the face!!!
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I read this discussion and had to chime in. Sometimes it’s the people you love the most who can be the most insensitive with their comments.
After asking my 70-something parents to please not tell their nosy next door neighbors about my diagnosis, surgery, and radiation treatments they spilled the beans after several drinks one night. When I told them how angry, hurt, and disappointed I was, and that they had betrayed my trust, my father’s response was, “You’re not the ONLY one with breast cancer. You need to LET LOOSE!” In other words, stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop attempting to keep your personal medical information private. Then later, when I reminded them that I need to start taking Tamoxifen soon, and that I’m terrified of the potential side effects, my mother’s comment was, “Well, if you could just have A BETTER ATTITUDE, you probably won’t have any problems.”
I’m sorry – but they don’t get to tell me how I should feel, or how I should act. Neither one of them has ever undergone cancer treatment, and they have no idea what I’m going through.
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Bless your heart Pam. I cannot understand people at this point. How sad those words would come from your parents. Thank you for sharing this and I hope that being able to vent helps.
Blessings and love,
Laurie
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Thanks so much for your kind response Laurie. Yes, it helps to vent. I know my parents love me, but I really wish they would think before they open their mouths sometimes. Thankfully, they've been really supportive in other ways. I'm trying to move past that incident and forgive them, but it's not easy.
If anything, going through this has really taught me what's OK to say to someone with cancer and what isn't. So I guess that's one, small silver lining.
I see that you were very recently diagnosed. I hope your treatments go well. This is such a great site for support and information!
Pam
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Thank you Miss Pam,
Yes, I am new to all of this. I get my MRI on Friday and am anticipating having more answers then. The waiting game stinks. I am hopeful, but just want to get on with it. LOL!
Blessings and peace to you!
Laurie
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Hello ladies....I hope you are all peaceful and pain free.
I am still a couple of weeks away from my surgery and am still in the trenches of telling my clients what is going on. (I am a hairstylist) Each person reacts differently of course and I have found that it is becoming increasingly harder to field their reactions. I started by just sending an email that warned them that that I would taking time off for "medical reasons", but as you can imagine I was not able to just leave it at that. As you all know, once we are DX, the days feel like years, so I feel as if I have been through a lifetime of stuff already. I find myself retreating more and more.
The other day, one of my co-workers found out about my DX. She stopped by my room and said the following.....
"Hey Laurie, I just heard about you. How are you doing?" I responded, "I'm okay, just a little tired." She then replied, "Well, look at the bright side! Aren't you SO excited that you are get to lose weight?!?!?" I was speechless as she went on, "You know...from the chemo....you will lose a ton of weight! Isn't that awesome?"
Well ladies...you can imagine how I was feeling and thinking. I of course let her know that the likelyhood of me getting chemo was slim to none and that I did not think that losing weight because someone had to go through the awful process of chemo was "awesome".
UGH. SIGH.
Love you all.
XOXOXO
Laurie
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Just revisiting this thread..AND bumping for Newbies...:)
I think one of THE most common JackAssery comments made to BC Mastectomy/ Reconstruction patients is:
"Well, at least you get a BOOB JOB out of it!"
OMG!!!! I just want to smack-the-shet outta people who say this!!!! My BEST GIRL FRIEND told me this several times... NOT MEANING to hurt my feelings at all...just trying to find the humor in my plight. She stopped saying it once I firmly explained to her the painful process while I was going through the Draconion TE expansion. I also let her know it is NOT ANYTHING LIKE a normal breast augmentation including detailed info. about how the implants are behind the pecs/pecs are cut, all breast tissue is carved out during MX,
and Ultimately, one ends up w Frankenstein-y Foobs, praying for the best possible outcome aesthetically FOR Recon. BC patients & ALL that can go horribly wrong ...infection, capsular contracture, lymphedema, our bodies rejecting the implants, Mastectomy Pain Syndrome, ETC...
Sigh...
Also have often heard, "Well, at least ...
-you don't have to have chemo!
-they caught it early--BC is easily cured now! It's not a big deal anymore!
-you don't have the kind of cancer X had--and yours is ONLY Stage 1! YOU ARE SOOO LUCKY!
-you will look SUPER HOT in a bikini/sundresses, etc. now! I hope you're getting HUGE BOOBS--I'd get D's if I were YOU!
-you don't have to wear a bra anymore!
-you have GREAT/waaay better cleavage now!
-you get to BUY all new lingerie/clothes!
I could go on & on...;)
Violet...;)0 -
"Well at least, " is THE worst.....it is so insulting and cruel.
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