Worst Thing Someone Said To You?
Comments
-
I hear lots of crazy things but the worst was the day Prince died. I had a treatment that day. You could hear everyone talking about it in various locations. I happen to be sitting right at the front by the nurses stand that day, when one of the volunteers comes in. She overhears their conversation and comments to them very loudly "Man, everyone is just dying, all over the place." I about fell over. Now, she wasn't commenting about cancer but she was in a room full of people who are fighting for their lives. No one except the nurses and I heard the context of her remark, just her comment. About 10 of us cranked our necks so hard our we could have gotten whiplash. Given the environment she was in, regardless of whether it was in context or not, I thought it was extremely insensitive!
0 -
It'd have to be when my only brother who was great to come be with my during each of my chemo infusions one session came in and said "gee, you look like a cancer patient". Made my day, thanks, bro.
0 -
My breast surgeon said she would rather have breast cancer than other cancer. This was when I was newly diagnosed and thinking seriously of suicide to avoid the ravages of surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. My family is a fountain of inappropriate things said. One of my favorites is "are you dead yet? Make sure you contact me when that happens." Will do. Ok. My favorite from my "friends", "It is better that it happened to you- you have nothing to lose. Your parents are gone, your boyfriend left you and your career is going nowhere. We (my other friends) have husbands, children and careers. Gee thanks. Today a therapist asked about my plans for killing myself when the cancer becomes too much- was fascinated telling me about her choices-about guns, poisoning, drowning. Makes you feel really well care for.
0 -
"you know all the Diet Dr Pepper you drink caused you to get this"
helpful words from my sister in law
0 -
I've had a couple of WTF moments/comments. My mom is at the top of the list. She was at my appointment with me on the day I was choosing a surgery date. The BS had offered me two dates to choose from April 29 or May 6th. I chose the later date due to work. My mom said "oh good, the 29th is Hopes birthday" (hope is my step-brothers daughter that mom is raising). Thanks mom, I have to get my breast removed, and you are worried about a birthday
The other came the day of my surgery and I met the anesthesiologist. She sat down by me as they were preparing me for surgery she looked at me and said "you poor thing".
0 -
Receptionist: "You'll be with God sooner".
Father: "I'm not prepared for this". " Actually, you were destined for this, don't you know that your great-aunt [on his side] died from BC?", and then, with a great deal of annoyance and irritation, " Why do you tell me all this? Didn't I have had enough of you illnesses and bad behavior over the last 50 years? Please do not bother me with your problems".
Mother (almost 80 yo): "Now I'm in danger for BC" (not a word about my daughter who actually might be in danger); "Your husband said it's just pre-cancer" (he didn't); "I went to a church, lit up a candle, and realized that now everything will be all right" (she is not religious). "This is all because of the evil bracelet [that belonged to my-great aunt] that your aunt left you after her death" (my mom has a Ph.D. in biology specializing in immunology and endocrinology).
0 -
A person at my church came up to me and said: How did you get this a 2nd time (I had bc in the other breast 24 years ago) I whispered to her I caught it on the airplane. What a dumb...
0 -
Val - I love the thought of giving the ignorant more to believe in. This made my evening.
0 -
From my former sister in law...
"Are you sure they got the diagnosis right? You don't seem ill."
/facepalm
0 -
OOOhhhh, I HATE that one!!! I've learned to say "I have cancer in my breast, not my face." And then I smile and wait to see what they say.
0 -
ARGHH or you look good for someone on chemo.. hmmm and that came from my chemo nurse.
0 -
I almost wish they'd say something stupid than the nothing at all that I get.
0 -
This might be the worst thing, or maybe I could look at it as the best thing. My friend called to tell me she is leaving everything to me, in case her first two heirs die before her. Because she just remembered that they are both cigarette smokers.
Um... I have stage IV cancer? But thanks for the vote of confidence!
0 -
wow ninetwelve, yes I think that is a compliment. hmmm.
Or my sister says now that I have cancer, she is taking me off as her benificiary for her life insurance. hmmmm. ok.
0 -
Dang, valstim, that's cold. You can always trust your family to say the tactless thing, I guess.
0 -
1.) The stares. "Oh I love what you have done with your hair." this is followed by a smirk.
2.) "How long is this going to take?"
3.) "Can I try your wig on? I have always wanted red hair!"
4.) "So what you get new boobs."
Ugh!!!! I hope they never have to go through this crazy journey.
0 -
"It has been over a year since chemo, will you ever look like you did before, your face doesn't even look the same" , no it doesn't and sad- chemo aged me from looking 45 to mid 70's. Wish they covered face lifts like boobs sense both take a major hit.
"Will your hair ever go back to how pretty it was". Heck, they have no idea (or is it obvious) the daily fight I have to do the Donald Trump hair sweep to hide the baldness on top.
Got this during my chemo -"everyone else I know that had chemo continued to work full time, you do not need disability". Then proceeded to take the promised confidential diagnosis to all neighbors including ones I didn't know because she felt I was wrong in wanting to keep secret and this way everyone could watch out for me dispite me expressing i didnt want to feel like a bug under microscope in my own hood. Some stopped saying hi (because she prefaced secret with she doesn't want anyone to know, so they were uncomfortable to encounter me and accidentally announce secret out that would have set my recovery back which it did subsequently to an alarming degree which made me more disappointed in self) some where saying how r u in sickening tone. I cannot stay in my 30 year home because of the looks and questions like why are you not back at work, sorry I rant. But if you were confided in, then don't try to boost yourself as knowledgeable by blabbing about others. I have since learned, I'm in this alone unless I want my info plastered on Facebook or myface type garbage or HIPA excempt doctors portals.
I'm astonished how folks that know her I'v never met know about me and ask if my hair on crown will ever grow back, or if one or both boobs are fake. If it is normal to get brain damage from chemo and slur and fall a lot. I suspect she took photos and posted them and my complications. Please people, photos have embedded location info in them unless you are savvy, so please respect others privacy and don't post any pictures with others in them without their permission. Turn location services off when taking pictures.
Im working on learning to forgive, as well as how to walk, talk, read, remember the last hour or day, math, etc so yes, I have bigger challenges than most had, but sooo many fewer issues and hurdles than others. So put out and help others and keep trap shut
So sorry for the vent, so sorry others have to endure needlessly others lack of humanity and sensitivity. I just hope you view this post as "This poster needs to shake it off and move on" and realize this too and it may sound easier than done - so give yourself acknowledgement that your experiences has increased your inner strength. They are ignorant, you are not. Treat yourself to an organic bowl strawberry and blueberry . Here is a big squeeze long hug
0 -
From my "loving" mother, the first time I was diagnosed, in 2005:
1. Tells my sisters she's not going to call me anymore, because I'm "short" on the phone with her. Never mind I was going thru chemo and felt like I was going to puke, so being Pollyanna, just to make HER feel good, wasn't an option.
2. Her hair was thinning a bit from aging and she said, "Now I know what it was like when you went thru chemo, because my hair is thinning." She is now 92 and has never had cancer.
3. After my reconstruction, post bilateral mastectomy, we were in the dressing room of a department store, together and she saw my new breasts. She said: "I'm glad you had reconstruction, otherwise you'd be DEFORMED." Gee, I guess her daughter's life was less important than the way she looked?
4. She calls me one day, soon after the completion of my treatment. Says she saw a woman on Oprah whose parents BOTH had breast cancer and this woman opted to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. My mother then proceeds to tell me she thought this woman was the bravest woman she had ever heard of. Not once, during my battle, did she EVER give me a word of encouragement or tell me she thought I was brave.
Needless to say, I hate her. She has treated her daughters very poorly, our whole lives. I haven't told her about my recurrence. I don't give a rat's ass about protecting her. I am protecting me.....
0 -
I'm so sorry JudyKRN, and everyone else for the things these insensitive people say and do. It especially hurts the most from those close to us.
Lol Valstim! LOVE your response to that lady!
The latest irritation for me was when I posted on Facebook thanking people for the birthday wishes (on 7/13) two people made a similar comment, "Let's try to have an uneventful year full of love and blessing." Oh alright "I will try!" As if these events were of my own doing. Last February I lost my twin daughter. And newsflash, this past year was full of more love and blessings than I ever have had in my life. The devil tries hard, but trials never erase love and blessings in my household.
0 -
Georgiaredskin,
I am SO sorry for your loss! (((HUGS)))!
0 -
Georgiaredskin, so sorry for your loss.
JudyKRN, I hae such a toxic mother and it always helps me to know I'm not alone. She is 86 healthy but with my 2nd dx in Dec/15 you would think it's all about her. She makes me sick, so I limit conversations with her. My sister and I realized she will never be the Mother we need, so we deal with what is.
The other day she wanted to know a timeline as to how long I'd be sick. A timeline? I totally ignored her which for her is worse than anyhing.
0 -
Thank you so much, JudyKRN and Valstim.
Valstim, I'm so sorry you have had a toxic mother and to deal with this heartache.
On a good note, my 4 year old daughter and 1 year old son (her twin) see and say hi to Georgia, the angel we lost, often. 💗She is always around us.
0 -
During my first cancer diagnosis/treatment I saw a therapist who specialized in treating cancer patients. After I resolved that, we began to delve into my mother and her behaviors. He labeled her a narcissist and I did research on that personality disorder. That's exactly what she is and it sounds as if some ladies on this forum also have narcissistic mothers
0 -
georgiaredskin, that is wonderful that the babes see their sister!!!! I love the innocence of youth and what they accept.
0 -
Thanks, Barbe!! Yes it totally melts my heart. My 4 year old made Georgia a candle and we light it at night for her during dinner
0 -
A neighbor asked what size bra I wore before my BMX. Said she could use some new ones!
0 -
Omgosh Chloesmom people are unbelievable! They get so personal! Like maybe we should ask them back how good their last bowel movement was!
0 -
on a lighter note (as thus far I've yet to have anyone say anything I've found offensive) After spending close to a month post op with my older daughter in another state, I returned home to where I live with my daughter and two granddaughters, I dreaded showing my ugly scar to them as being 62 it was all puffy, saggy, still swollen with what looked to be a lot of extra skin. I had decided I would since they were curious and concerned, and I wanted to be open to their questions and not keep "Grammy's cancer" hush hush. . After seeing it, my seven year old granddaughter, Lexi, with a serious face, and solemnly said, "Grammy. That's not so bad like I thought it would be. I thought you would look like me. You know, flat like me and no boob.." She's my heart!
0 -
Cif - "everyone else I know that had chemo continued to work full time, you do not need disability"
I honestly want to kick everyone who says that to me. Chemo is hard. It is harder on some people than others. My chemo has been bearable mostly, but even so, it's made me a little wobbly and I've had a couple of almost-falls, muscle weakness, forgetfulness (this is a big one - I caught myself almost putting the ice cream sandwiches in the pantry!), nausea of course, mine's been tough, and the dreaded "sudden naptimes" where you just sit down for a few minutes and fall asleep for hours... none of that stuff would fly at work! If I worked in an office, I'd be at work for three days (if that) and get sent home with a stern order to wait until I felt better before returning! (But I work from home, so, yeah.)
But I, too, get the comments from people who say "You're taking time off from work during chemo? But it's only chemo!"
Makes me want to take them to get some chemo and see just how great they feel afterwards...
0 -
With mother in ICU, my Doctor told me to stay away from the hospital due my immune system being down. From my brother, "you could be here if you want, you're not that bad (stage 2b invasive ductile), I know for a fact that your imune system is only compromised for 2 days after chemo." I cried at his in sensitivity.
0
