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I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

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  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,481
    edited November 2014

    Hi Nadiebookens, You are welcome here any time! Our community is here for you too!

  • sweetandspecial
    sweetandspecial Member Posts: 1,669
    edited December 2014

    Just a little fyi about a new prescription I got today. I saw a new gynecologist for my annual PAP, etc today (previous gyno retired). Wonderful younger woman, very caring and informational. We discussed the whole dry vajayjay, lack of desire and thus lack of intercourse thing caused by Arimidex. DH has been and continues to be very understanding of my lack of libido, but I do want to be more willing and able to actually 'do the deed' a bit more frequently than never, even if I don't get the same pleasure I used to. Doc and I discussed the Replens types of continuing 'treatment' for dryness and she also gave me a prescription for a lidocaine ointment that can be used prior to a planned 'encounter'. You apply it to the external tissue at the bottom of the vagina (opposite end from the clitoris - wouldn't want to numb that little gem!!) and also apply internally. Wait 15-20 minutes and it will help with pain from dryness that may be keeping you from engaging in intercourse. The effect is at its peak about 30 minutes after application but lasts residually for about 2 hours. I'll let y'all know how it works out when the time comes.

  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 322
    edited January 2015

    sweetandspecial, I am eager to hear how things go with the new "system". My DH has also been very patient and understanding, but he is also very sad about the way that our love life has gone away. He is such a great guy, and I have tried, but I just can't get into it the way that we would both like. We've been going through a long dry spell (sorry) and I know that it would be better for us if things can get a little bit more active in the bedroom.

  • sweetandspecial
    sweetandspecial Member Posts: 1,669
    edited January 2015

    Dutchgirl - since I'm part Dutch I have to ask if your user name reflects your heritage? I totally get where you're at. It's not that I don't want to be intimate, I'm just plain not interested in the slightest. I don't have any trouble still achieving orgasm with external stimulation (thank you God for inventing Duracell and Energizer!) so you'd think I'd be ready and willing for mutual satisfaction sessions. No such luck, even the promise of one or more big O's isn't enough to tweak my interest. Such that I still haven't even started the weekly Replens regimen my gyno recommended.....sigh

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,481
    edited January 2015

    Thought you'd all be interested in the latest Sex Matters column post: Sex Matters: Managing Your Mojo, Part 1, January 7, 2015

    Enjoy!

  • olgah34
    olgah34 Member Posts: 300
    edited January 2015

    Ladies...I always was very sexy and it took me few minutes with my husband...now...I am on Tamoxifen for 3 years and it is getting worse...I feel.. first(.like before ), oh I go there... then... it disappears... nothing...lubrication is fine, but no feeling... what to do? I am estrogen positive no creams for me... help!


  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited January 2015

    I have adequate lubrication without resorting to any products. My husband satisfies me orally. I, in turn, want to make him happy through intercourse. While I have just begun to do this, I have pain. I am in the same boat as many of you. What can be done to alleviate the pain. I love my husband and want him to be happy. There is much out there about dryness, etc., but what is out there to address the pain situation. I do derive great pleasure from oral given by my husband, as does he. Yep, we do want our mojo back in every way!!

  • Tomboy
    Tomboy Member Posts: 2,700
    edited January 2015

    my gyno/onc gave me a prescription, for actually an oral lidocaine solution for use vaginally. its ok to swallow, so, i am sure it's probably alright for your wild garden. I haven't really used mine, i think we just gave up. other things are happening, so our mind just isnt on it now, but hopefully, watch out spring! good luck.

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited January 2015

    Thanks, tomboy. Guess I need to talk to my Gyn.

  • Tomboy
    Tomboy Member Posts: 2,700
    edited January 2015

    Good luck, and i'm a little jealous! everybodys' having sex but me!!!

  • ang7894
    ang7894 Member Posts: 427
    edited January 2015


    I know this is TMI But I noticed that if my husband is on top it hurts with in seconds.

    But if I am on top it is more manageable, I never liked being on top but hey if I have to so

    I can have sex then I'm all for it. This has only been a problem for me since cancer. Anyone else having this issue?

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited January 2015

    I would think many of us do. Glad you found a compromising position.

  • Tomboy
    Tomboy Member Posts: 2,700
    edited January 2015

    Yeah, and anything you say is NOT too much information! You say what ever you are comfortable with, thanks for being brave. I was 8 years past menopause, and we loved sex! Any which way! But sadly, we are no longer even trying. I had gained so much weight, it was ridiculous, after treatment. Before treatment, I was in great shape, and just needed a little lubricant to enjoy rambunctious and vigorous sex! Last time we tried, it pulled and hurt my thin tissues so much, we began to avoid it. I mean, it really hurt! My onc finally prescribed some estradiol, and i just use it once in a while, because it is expensive! But it does help relieve some of the worst symptoms I was having. And neither one of us was happy with my extra 35 lbs! But, since christmas, I have lost 5 lbs with my new fitbit! So, one day soon, when I can fit in my sexy lingerie one day, then maybe we can have at it again! HOPING.

  • dutchgirl6
    dutchgirl6 Member Posts: 322
    edited January 2015

    Sweetandspecial, I was born in The Netherlands, but my family immigrated when I was two, so I consider myself to be Dutch/Canadian.

    My problem isn't only physical discomfort during intercourse, I just can't get in the mood! I never had a very strong libido, but I could always warm up to it when I got my mind wrapped around the idea, but it's like that part of my brain is asleep and won't wake up.

    No need to be jealous, Tomboy. You're not the only one not having sex!

  • olgah34
    olgah34 Member Posts: 300
    edited January 2015

    Honebair even orally I feel nothing....I dont know what to do....every time after that I get hysterical and cry...

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited January 2015

    Olgah, I am so sorry. For all you younger women, losing your enjoyment of sex absolutely sucks. As an older women, I just enjoy what is left though it is not nor ever will be the same intense joy that it once was. Our treatments have certainly altered our entire bodies at the cellular level. Still, I am grateful to still be alive and enjoying each day, grateful for the many blessings that come my way.

  • AlexaP
    AlexaP Member Posts: 90
    edited February 2015

    Hi, new to the group here and although I'm sad we need this group, I'm happy that there is a place to talk about this. I'm 50 and just had a PMX and BSO in November. Prior to this our sex life was great, although orgasm has never been easy for me we always found a way. Nipple stimulation was a HUGE part of it for me. No nipples now, nothing to stimulate... I do have some sex drive left but I feel so much pressure to achieve when I'm with DH that I shut down emotionally and nothing happens for me. We have had sex but it's painful and last time I told him it was too much. He tried oral but it got me absolutely nowhere. He is so patient, so loving, and I feel like that part of me is in a coma somewhere... I'm going to call the gun and set up for the estring or something... I just feel terrible about it and it's starting to affect my overall mood and self esteem which has been surprisingly good so far... Thanks for giving me a place to share my proble

  • Dogsneverlie
    Dogsneverlie Member Posts: 164
    edited January 2015

    I am just making my way thru these forums, never even knew they existed - was always on the rad, lumpectomy, arimidex, and reconstruction forums.  I posted "dryness from AI, nobody?" as a post because I was shocked nobody was talking about it and someone directed me HERE, thank goodness!

    There are a lot of pages to read of history in this thread and I plan on scanning thru every page - already have a new list of things to try.  I am meeting with my MO on Feb 11.  A month ago, I was prescribed Estring but was hesitant.  Last week we tried to have sex and OH MY GOSH, no way.  I felt like I was being peeled apart.  Then we added KY, AND HOLY MOTHER, could not stop the burning so I figured I must have some tears or something.  That is when I inserted the Estring.  I am on the fence about it.....felt "crampy" for a few days and still don't quite feel like myself and nervous about removing it after 90 days....will I be so dry that it sticks to my tissue?

    Can you ladies provide some input on my question below?  I am going to ask MO during appointment but would really value your opinion.

    At 38, full hysterectomy (everything gone due to ovarian pre-cancer).  Surgical menopause - no fun and I didn't like taking estrogen pills so stopped cold turkey after about 3 years.  Now at 49 diagnosed with BC and did the run (biopsies, lumpectomies, rads, and now Arimidex).

    DO I NEED ARIMIDEX?   I mean, my estrogen was low anyway due to hysterectomy/menopause since 38.....I am going to ask her if she thinks I can stop, wait until it is out of my system, have bloodwork done to see what my estrogen level REALLY is and see if it is safe to not take Arimidex.

    Anyone ever do that?

    I'm going to post on the Arimidex site too in case this gets lost - I'd like to know if anyone stopped and had any issies.

    THANK YOU!


     

  • rgiuff
    rgiuff Member Posts: 339
    edited February 2015

    Dogsneverlie, sorry to hear you had to go through menopause so young! I was upset that it started in my mid 40s and all the changes it was bringing to my body. Then got diagnosed with breast cancer and took tamoxifen for 3 years while still going through the transition. I was upset about losing my hormonal production and very unhappy with the idea of aromotase inhibitors, which would further deplete my body of already needed estrogen, so was against the idea of these from the start. When I decided that I'd had enough of tamoxifen, because of thickening uterine lining, and not being willing to go through a hysterectomy over it, I was prescribed aromasin by my Oncologist. I took it for 2 months, and then decided that I wasn't willing to put myself through the side effects of increased vaginal dryness, and new aches and pains, and worried about the long term effect on bones, skin and sex life, so I quit. With a Stage 1, non aggressive cancer, and my lifestyle changes of exercising regularly and improved diet, I felt confident that I was doing enough to prevent a future recurrence of cancer. My Oncologist was not happy with my choice, but more than 2 years after stopping, now doesn't even bring it up anymore. If I had only DCIS, I don't know if I even would have taken the tamoxifen. I knew a few women in that situation who were given the option to take it or not, and both declined it, not willing to risk the potential side effects. And while I know that doctors do use certain drugs outside of their clinically studied purpose, it was my understanding that in the case of DCIS that tamoxifen is the only drug that has been officially approved.

  • Dogsneverlie
    Dogsneverlie Member Posts: 164
    edited February 2015

    Thanks Rose!  I have finally started noticing a slight difference by using the Estring.  I'm still really concerned about the final outcome........I just think 50 is young to now have to struggle with being intimate with your DH.........

    Sad

  • honeybair
    honeybair Member Posts: 234
    edited February 2015

    Happy to report that I got my MOJO back. PM me and I will share what is working for me.

  • moderators
    moderators Posts: 8,481
    edited February 2015

    Hi all! Thought we'd share the latest Sex Matters column with you!

    Sex Matters: Managing Your Mojo, Part 2, February 4, 2014

    Enjoy!

  • emily_the_cat
    emily_the_cat Member Posts: 11
    edited February 2015

    I saw my MO today for the first time since my BMX and learned that she wants me to start AI with ovarian suppression immediately. I knew that hormone therapy was in my future, but I had thought it wouldn't be until after I finished adjuvant chemo in October. Now that I'm doing more in-depth research about it, I'm terrified of the potential side effects, especially sexual and emotional problems. Our sex life, which for the first six years of our relationship was wonderful, has been on the decline for the last three years, through trying to get pregnant, two miscarriages, pregnancy, childbirth, then cancer diagnosis, neoadjuvant chemo, and surgery. I'm only 35 and I love my husband so much - I want to have a great sex life with him! We thought that I just had to get through eight more months of chemo and then we could focus on rekindling the fire. But now I'm staring at 5 years of hormone therapy and I don't know if I can bear it. I'm actually thinking about refusing treatment, I'm that concerned about it. Am I crazy?!

  • alaskafurrycat
    alaskafurrycat Member Posts: 5
    edited February 2015

    I've just posted this in another thread and I'm going to repost here in the hope it helps someone ...

    Ok This is what is beginning to work for me.....

    when aroused we should be moist (pause for long hollow laugh as NOT aroused or Moist) I could write loads about the situation and how I ended up here but in short this is what seems to be working for me...it's just a moisturizing regime and it's had the side effect of making me feel more normal and therefore actually somewhat aroused .....

    Bought a lubricant applicator from Amazon see

    http://www.amazon.com/Siam-Circus-CleanStream-Lubr....=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1424024151&sr=8-2&keywords=lube+shooter+syringe

    or similar one

    also purchased water based lube

    http://www.amazon.com/Water-based-Longlasting-Lubr....=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1424024239&sr=8-2&keywords=slippery+stuff+liquid+personal+lubricant

    Began everyday to apply lube after brushing teeth ....didn't mention this to my OH so No pressure expectations

    After a few weeks I began to feel different ...even normal (well more normal lol)

    Also bought a discreet vibrator to remind my body of possibilties (amazon again)

    and when I eventually took the plunge to try sex again also took a relax/destress pill that I had left over from diagnosis (which I didn't take then)
    I didn't realize how nervous/tense I had become....

    so for 5 days I tried taking just one pill before bed and tried sex again and it was Ok/possible /not absolutely bloody awful/not very good but not a complete awful disaster...a vague hint of possibilities

    I didn't take any more pills after that but have carried on moisturizing daily ..adjusting how much is trail and error

    Also used KY Jel when I ran out of the other and it worked ..bit trickier to get in the syringe but possibly higher lube effect and now after perhaps a month or a bit more of this ...


    Last night I actually had pleasurable sex.....

    So it's looking very promising ..hope this may help someone else xxx




  • AlexaP
    AlexaP Member Posts: 90
    edited February 2015

    Alaskafurry thanks for sharing this.

    I had bought the moisturizing suppositories or whatever and couldn't decide if I should use them everyday or only just before attempting sex... I think I'll give it a try everyday like you said, part of the daily routine.

    I also told my dh That we must have sex at least two times a week because I don't want my vajayjay to shrink up for lack of use. I don't care if it feels good now, but I have heard if you don't use it, you lose it... Not taking any chances.

    It's all just so difficult the things we used to take for granted. I appreciate you sharing your experience.

  • alaskafurrycat
    alaskafurrycat Member Posts: 5
    edited February 2015

    I didn't find just using lube before sex worked for me....in an odd way it's like having very dry skin on your hands and people only recommending you use hand cream when you are about to shake hands with someone..rather than get back to having soft healthy skin .

    I know it's not the same but a regular moisturizing routine plus extra lube applied before sex is (fingers crossed) having positive results for me ..I hope that helps

  • AlexaP
    AlexaP Member Posts: 90
    edited February 2015

    good point, that makes a lot of sense! It can't hurt to keep moisturized

  • amylsp
    amylsp Member Posts: 96
    edited February 2015

    Sorry for the double post. Wasn't sure which thread to post this in, so will post here as well.

    I was stunned at how quickly sex became unbearably painful after starting chemo. I'm 53 and was still menstruating before Chemo started. Sex had never been painful. As soon as chemopause hit though, the switch over to pain was almost immediate. I had tearing, bleeding and pain. So I started using Replens every three days and coconut oil on all the days in between. Waited three to four weeks for the tear to heal and tried sex again. This time with lots of lube. It was more bearable, but still not pleasurable and I had tearing and bleeding again.

    Just tried sex again recently after waiting 6 weeks, and had tearing again! The tearing is always right at the opening to the vaginal canal. So it's clear to me it's not just a lubrication issue. At the risk of being too graphic, I recently measured my husband's 'girth' when erect and am buying three different sized 'sex toy' items that start at one inch smaller than my husband and work up towards 1/3 inch larger than him. I hope that by being very proactive, this will nip things in the butt, so to speak. I'll report back if we have any success!

  • Tomboy
    Tomboy Member Posts: 2,700
    edited February 2015

    Yeah. Chemo DOES affect all mucosal tissues. For a long time, if not permanently.

  • ang7894
    ang7894 Member Posts: 427
    edited February 2015


    Did anyone stop taking the Al or tamox for months to find out if that makes a difference? 

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