I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
-
Yeah Liz! And as an interior designer, I like the creamy beige design of Mr. Big. He fits in with my decor quite well. LOL!
0 -
Hi I just found this thread rec by someone else on the march 09 chemo group. I have spent the last couple hours reading through a bunch of the posts- making notes of things to try. I had hoped to come across some mention from other women who struggled with the loss of nipples from a sexual viewpoint. I know its probably not that common, but back on page 71- and I'm sure elsewhere, I'm reading backwards- it is great to know there are others out there who really depended on those nipples for gratification.
I just had my mx with flap recon- I still have one nipple, so I am luckier than some. But I was really liking having both- and just one isn't cutting it yet. It's only been a few times.
I am lucky and already own a Mr. Big- so I'm ahead on that one! That was a christmas present from DH a couple years ago- I got him a fancy shower head with two nozzles, one on a hose- he likes it a lot!
I'm still dealing with the fact I am going to have to learn to get there using other means. Mr. Big works , but I really want to be able to get there with intercourse. I had a mx bc the lump was sub aerola- no saving the nipple- might as well take the whole thing. I am still in mourning for the nipple-not fair!!! but nothing about this is fair is it?
It was encouraging to hear that someone regained some sensation in the breast at all- even if it takes years.
I start chemo in few days and after that will be on Tamoxifen for years. to add to it all- I've been on Wellbutrin for years- which is way better sexually than other antidepressants I've been on. But I read somewhere else on here that buprion (wellbutrin) inhibits utilising tamoxifen- so I'll probably have to go off that and use something else? Great...
so it was great and most helpful for me to find this thread- it gives me hope and a lot of tricks to put in my bag. I'm worried in the years to come missing a nipple might be the least of my worries with chemopause, tamoxifen, missing meds and whatever else life is going to throw at me!
0 -
Alyad...Welcome to this thread! I'm glad that you're finding some useful suggestions here. I can't answer your questions about nipples, so I'm hoping that some knowledgeable women will come along with responses soon. As for your future concerns, I'd just suggest that since you don't know how your treatments will affect you, why don't you assume you'll breeze through, unless experience tells you otherwise? It is really possible that you won't be affected in any major way. But, whether you are or aren't, there's plenty of support and info here!
~Marin
0 -
I'll admit I'm a lurker on this thread . . . you gals got more mojo than I, or at least more guts!! However, I need to get down to business and tend to the cause or DH will be exiting the door . . .
Anyway, about the loss of nipple sensation, Alyad, my BC support group had a therapist speak on intimacy issues one evening. She said that we can re-train different parts of our body to respond to stimulation. My first thought when she mentioned that was the pre-intercourse activity of my early youth -- all that (literal) necking and hickey activity. Well, as goofy as that sounds, I think it might be somewhat relevant to the nipple problem at hand. It might be helpful to revisit other sensitive areas.
I remember the first time I had the big O after having no boobs. I felt somewhat confused . . . like a part of the whole experience was missing. Granted, I didn't need the nips to GET there, but I missed their involvement during the grand finale. I'm hoping to develop some phantom sensations elsewhere but might need a treasure map!
0 -
Tina337- if you find that treasure map- send me a copy! after that post I was able to have a good time that night- I got there with some alternate stimulation, it was good and gave me hope.
previously we had a sort of rountine we folllowed that worked for both of us- now we just need to find new routines. DH is patient but I need to take charge and initate new pathways. I think eventually things will be even better than they were before. Neither of us is really a take charge sort- we are both really laid back and go with the flow. I'll have keep the necking idea in mind- we tend to just skim over that part now and go for the goodies
0 -
Glad you had a good time the other night. If I find that treasure map, I'll be sure to let you know!!
I hear you about the routine and going straight for the goodies. Having to try something new could be a positive thing. I've been on auto pilot for a while, but perhaps different might be exciting and fun. I have this sense of being so off my game -- my body is now post-menopausal, and I haven't exercised much for the past year and feel more out of shape than ever. Having some insecurity issues but intellectually know I still look good and DH finds me desirable. I just need to feel that -- in this case I think confidence will have to follow the doing . . .
0 -
Your mentioning necking and all reminds me of the several posts that Deb/whoopsiedoodles has added here about her experiences with her husband and how necking really gave their sex life new life. Maybe you can search for these posts...they're not too far back.
~Marin
0 -
I am recently married and had been celebate for the past 23 years. My husband is a very patient man, but this dryness is driving me crazy. I have been using Replens, but it is so messy. Saw my med oncologist today and got a clean bill of health. I told her about my dry issue and she wrote a script for the E-string 2mg. She said it is perfectly safe, but in the back of my mind I am aware and feel it is not worth dying over. I am currently taking Arimidex and she said the dryness will go away after I am done with it. I am 54 years.
What are your opinions about the use of this. I am ER/PR+
0 -
Hey girl...haven't seen you around in quite awhile. Congratulations on your marriage and the opportunity for renewed mojo! I'll just give you my own opinion on the Estring and that is that if your onc is giving you the go-ahead, maybe you should just relax and use it. Getting rid of our cancer is one thing. After that, it's about quality of life and if a teensy bit of estrogen helps, I say go for it. But again, this is only my personal opinion. If it's going to make you freak out and see cancer recurring around every corner, that's good enough reason to forego it and keep trying the Replens. How much longer will you be taking Arimidex?
~Marin
0 -
Hola chica
Started Arimidex in 2006...so still have a while to go. My husband is okay with whatever decision I make or whatever I feel comfortable doing., I'm just afraid. I'm gonna give a call to my gyn doc and get her opinion too. But is sure feels nice to be making love again after 23 years. Thanks for your opinion Marin, I value it and will let you know what I decide soon.0 -
Hey I can relate to wanting your mojo back. My husband and I had an awesome love life like we would seize the moment everytime we could. Now that I am thru with chemo the surgery and radiation i look at my husband and see him as sexy as before but my body just does not respond the way it use to. My gyn says that I will probably need some estrogen, but I to am scared becasue I was not in menopause but I will be taking tamoxifen for 2 years until I am offically in menapausa, the hot flashes are terriable but the thought of cancer again is worst. My husband and I are both real young and I don't want my lack of sex drive to cause me to lose my husband. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see anyone worth keeping around please help me.
0 -
I think we will just use vaseline. The Replens does work, it's just that if we are making love for a long time, I tend to get a little dry, so out comes the vaseline
. Thank goodness he is sweet about it, understanding and kind. Actually chemotherapy threw me into menopause. I was just turning 50 at the time, then a year later I had my tubes and ovaries removed for fear of ovarian cancer and also had tumor markers which revealed elevated blood levels. So I am dry, but I will give the Replens a little more time to work and we will see.
0 -
shorbr...This isn't the same, but my bf has an unusually large penis and, unfortunately in this case, I have an extremely small vagina. I've never given birth and, so, it's pretty much the way it's always been. My point? Though I do have enough natural lubrication, the size issue requires some help. So we use lube and plenty of it. We have it in a spray bottle and applying it here-there-and-everywhere is easy and doesn't interrupt the excitement or the romantic moments. Now I understand that plain lube might not be the answer for dryness, but can you apply a ton of vaseline (or Crisco, as per the recommendations of some reliable sources here) before the action gets started and then add more or some regular lube if necessary?
Now Angela/Mothertoall...you should try to be a little patient with yourself here! Geez, you've only been out of treatment for a very short period of time, so please don't expect yourself to morph into one hot mama quite yet! Time, girl, time and patience will help immensely. You clearly love your husband, so hopefully, that will keep you motivated to work on the sexual issues...but one at a time. First of all, try reading back over the posts here (I know there are tons, but skim them to find some that interest you). You'll see that you are absolutely not alone in feeling un-sexy and unattractive and, best of all, you'll see that there are answers and plenty of hope!
~Marin
0 -
I'm just getting the biggest kick that this thread is still active after almost five years. Then, I cared, now, I don't give a shit!!!!!
0 -
I've read this thread eagerly for suggestions on how to keep the mojo going once chemo starts next week. I can't imagine not wanting to have sex with my boyfriend, but I know that my body is going change drastically once AC and Zoladex take hold. I'm raging against the dying of that light, though. This is meant to be the honeymoon phase of my relationship where we can't get enough of each other, and I am damned if I am going to let toxic chemicals get in the way!
I'm all stocked up with the Replens, etc, and am hoping that chemo will let me keep having sex so that I don't get out of the habit! I went to a seminar on cancer and sexuality organised by my breast care nurse and the speaker gave us fabulous advice (and free lube samples!) about sexual touching etc. So long as mouth ulcers and nausea leave me alone there ought to be plenty of things I can still do!
0 -
Thanks Marin/FitChik, as I continue to read I am getting some suggestions on how to slowly work my way back into the game, or at least get on the bed and start to play a little. I will get a book though to help accept the new me. Though I really believe all I need is one big O and I will truly feel like a new woman.
0 -
Have been on the lookout for lingerie that fits my new implants and helps me feel confident. Not allowed to wear underwire bras, so my choices are somewhat limited. Just found a couple of lacy cami-bras, one in black and another in red. Also found a pair of sexy undies with a mostly red and black pattern that coordinates nicely with both tops. Stopped at the store on the way home and bought my first tube of Astroglide. Did a solo run of the lube, and I think it will work! I'm psyching myself up. You gals give me hope!
0 -
Tina - I can't wear the underwire either and Victoria's Secret now makes a very sexy wireless bra that is silky and pretty - I love mine and so do my new girls not to mention my SO. Good luck.
0 -
sakura73...It's great to be prepared for all possibilities because we never know how chemo will affect us...BUT don't be absolutely sure that chemo will rob you of anything sexually. I had fabulous, orgasmic sex throughout chemo without missing a beat. The mouth sores that I got were pretty bad, but only lasted for about 3 days after each infusion. They only prevented oral sex on my part, but after the 3 days, I was back in business! So definitely have high hopes because it's entirely possible that you could be as lucky as I was!
As for the lingerie, y'all...I think that it's critical that we find anything & everything to make us feel majorly attractive because, truly, so much of it is about self-image in addition to the physical challenges.
~Marin
0 -
FitChik - you give me such hope! Thank you!
0 -
The vaseline works perfectly! Instead of trying to see if there is any dryness, now we just lube up before the fun begins.
Thanks for your help. Now if only I could lose some more weight. I lost 39 pounds. It took me a year and half. Since getting married I have regained 10 pounds and I hate it. Just got an exercise bike and thigh buster. I can hardly peddle for 5 minutes, but I am trying. I am just a junk food eater now and maybe a little too content being married to my wonderful man
0 -
shorbr...It's so fabulous to "hear" the happiness in your "voice"! The weight gain is certainly understandable, but I'll bet you'll feel a bajillion times better (and sexier
) if you lost some of the excess. If you can peddle for 5 minutes, I say go for it and next week make it 7. And, of course, don't forget that adventurous sex can burn calories too!And....HORRAY FOR VASELINE!
~Marin
0 -
Well, DH and I are headed on vacation tomorrow. A nice long getaway. Sorry to report I still haven't tried out the new lingerie. However, I'm packed and haven't forgotten a thing. Also went shopping and found a couple of new bathing suits that fit my new implants. I'm feeling pretty good.
A major epiphany occurred while I was trying on a bathing suit at TJ Maxx. I stepped out to look at myself in the large mirror, and another woman complimented me on how I looked in the suit. I stopped myself before I qualified how/why I looked the way I did, and as she continued to talk, I slowly realized she had NO IDEA that I'd had a mastectomy and reconstructed boobs. That really made me stop and think about why I've been giving myself such a hard time. Sure, I just turned 52 and don't have the body of a 20-year old, but I'm still trim and pretty fit. I'm so tired of telling myself that I'm unattractive and not sexy to others or my DH. I'M ALIVE!!! I should be celebrating. If DH still wants a go at this decent bod, he can have it!! Why am I holding back??? Girls, I'm off to the races!!! Wish me fun!
Thank you all for your support.
Tina
0 -
Ah ha!!! what a teriffic post! Enjoy the ride at the races!
0 -
Tina - have a great vacation - I love your post. I am also 52 and have the same self image as you. I need to stop obsessing and get on with it!
0 -
Yes, fabulous post! That's the attitude and is so right on! Our men really do want to "have at it" and often it's our own negative, self-deprecating minds that put a stop to the great lovin' that we could be getting.
Have an awesome vacation, Tina! You truly deserve it!
~Marin
0 -
Ta da!!!
Race #1 -- winner: Tina 337
Little bit of a bumpy ride but held on . . . We talked about everything afterward, and it was very reassuring. DH was thrilled to know I'm committed to re-establishing our intimate life and visibly happy. The ice has been broken, which I think is the best part.
0 -
You go girlfriend! Good for you guys...
0 -
Okay, so I had my first chemo on Tuesday, was in hospital Wed/Thurs with cardiac-related SEs. All very dramatic, and the lovely BF was warm and supportive and obviously stressed out. Sex would not have been further from my mind.
By last night I was feeling totally fabulous again, no small thanks to a series of dirty text messages exchanged between us during the day. So.. cut to the chase, an hour of serious heavy petting in the bed, a bit of Pjur lubricant (and my already using Replens regularly), a condom, and hey presto - a fantastic shag!
So great sex during the first week of chemo is possible. I intend to do all I can to have great sex EVERY week of chemo.
(okay, maybe I should settle for every second week)
0 -
WTG, sakura73!!!! Even though it may be a bit of extra effort, it is so worth it! I wish you the very best in your efforts!
~Marin
0
