I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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I wanted to tell you all about a new product (well its new to me!) called Astroglide Gel. It worked really well and what helped me was that it was a bit thicker than the reg astroglide. It helped with the lubrication during sex and it washed off easier than the KY. Try it. Pretty good stuff.
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BEFORE Chemo.. never needed a darn thing.. after chemo... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
I agree with Pharmmom.. the gel is better....
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PS. How is Mena?
I never have had the pleasure.. but know she started this thread.
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I think I read a while back she's not doing very well but I'm not positive on that. I'm sure someone will chime in. I hope I'm wrong...
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if you click on her name you'll see she hasn't posted since July 8 2008
I read a little and it sounds like they saw something on some scans she had in Jan of 08. At one time it also sounds like she took a break from BC.org so I hope that's what it is. But she did also get some bad news I think and lost her daughter Dawn. I will say again I'm not positive on all this. But so grateful she started this thread. She has made a lot of us smile and helped so many of us.
I have to tell you ladies a funny story
Today at work my co-worker who is also a breast cancer survivor. Was doing some exercises/ergo's we call them to help from getting carpotunal (sp?) and any kind of soreness. She was told to roll a small ball on her back. While she was doing this she had the funniest look on her face. I told he she looked like she was having the big O. She replied that's been a long time and after Friday may never happen again. Than she shared her divorce is final Friday. I told her she needs to check out the mojo thread. I told her there are things she could do. I think she thought I was crazy but she's missing out. If she met Hitachi and the G-spot thing she would know what I mean : )
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Hi my chicas, I just bounced by to report that last night, during a phone conversation about our plans for the weekend, my bf let it slip that he has bought a "special chocolate" of the sort that is intended for use on one's body. I'm psyched and can't wait to try it out. Mmmmmmm....I'm hungry already
!I hope that everyone has an awesome, MOJO-FILLED VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!!
~Marin
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I've always been more of a doer than a talker when it comes to sexual matters and as a result I've tended to be a lurker on this thread without contributing much. I've gotten a lot of benefit from the advice here and am thinking it would be nice if I shared a bit more of myself (within my comfort zone of course). I used to describe myself as being "like a guy" when it came to my sex drive- just like some of you wilder ladies seem to be now. After chemopause and starting on an AI and Lexapro- no more mojo- it was just gone. Finding this thread has helped me reconnect a little bit with my sexuality- it's not like it was before by any means but I have learned that with some inital effort (the metaphor that always comes to mind is of starting a fire with damp wood- it's a chore at first but you can ultimately get a good blaze going if you know a few tricks and have the right equipment)I can warm up to having enjoyable sex.
My husband has a little gratitude shrine (in his mind at least) honoring Marin and her contribution to my efforts to reconnect with my mojo.
I noticed this news piece on Yahoo today and felt inclined to share- it's about the neurochemical benefits of kissing. It helps my motivation as a mojo seeker to remember that intimacy can be not only pleasureable and an important part of relationship with my husband, but that it's also good for me.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090213/ap_on_sc/sci_romance_unraveled
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woohoo, woohoohoo. I got me some mojo last night. DH and I had a nice talk about our efforts to regain our pre-BC sex life, and then jumped right in. We tried the Astroglide warming lubricant and it worked better for me than the KY; it lasted longer. We have some fine tuning to do, but it was a good effort with good results. I think with a little work and communication, we'll do just fine.
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Awesome Mona!!
Isn't it just nuts we even have to "pick" things up... darn cancer...grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Glad it is begining to move along!!
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I have a weird question....my husband at 58 and 3 brain tumours has NO Mojo so I have to do it myself....sigh. He even suggested I get a "girlfriend" because I a need human touch so badly.
Anyway, when I do have the big O from self stimulation, I used get amazing sensations to my breasts. Now I don't have breasts. Where did those sensations go? I know nerves were cut and all, but let's say the nerves were cut at the chest wall. Shouldn't I have that great sensation at the chest wall then???? LOL
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How was everyone's Valentine's Day? Or should I say night? I got my Mr. Big but was too tired (or too shy) to use it last night!
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Well, it sounds like everyone is pursuing her mojo in different ways and that is very cool. I loved Paige-Allyson's article on kissing! I've never been in a relationship, until now, where kissing was so pivotal and so much a part of the pleasure that I give and receive. I think that I had just mentally relegated it to my memory as something that was hot when I was a teenager. Geez, I have so much to catch up on!
So barbe1958, what an interesting question. I guess that the sensation can be felt in the remaining tissue IF that's part of where it originates. So if the area along the chest wall was more of a destination than a beginning, you would no longer have the sensation there due to the nerves having been cut. I usually feel a lot of sensation in my upper arms and shoulders and can enjoy stimulation along my side, like under my arm. Maybe if you also tried applying some stimulation to a close or related area, you could regain some of the upper body feeling that you're missing? Try a soft, clean sable paintbrush or a small feather duster there and see if anything kicks up. Hey, it can't hurt, right?
And for the ladies who are feeling a bit shy or tentative with their men or machines, I'd like to suggest that you start thinking of getting regular mojo as part of your overall optimum health plan rather than some sort of selfish, self-involved activity. It really IS your right to be able to experience the pleasure that your body can give you. You were born with the capacity for these sensations, right? So it is logical to assume that our Great Universal Spirit (or God, if you prefer) actually intended that you enjoy his/her gift. At least that's how I figure it!
My V Day was quite lovely, but we haven't yet gotten to try the chocolate body paint that P. bought. The brochure that came with it is full of yummy suggestions, including this: blindfold your partner, apply some chocolate somewhere on your body and challenge him or her to find it by just looking (um, I mean licking
) around! Mmmmmmmmmmmm!~Marin
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ooooooooooooh, I like that blindfolded-licking-for-chocolate game! If we don't hear from you for a while, we'll know where you've hidden it...:-)
The pleasure used to end at my nipples I thought, so where does it "end" now? I want to know!!
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I've been with you all in spirit all this time, as I've been tryin to get my mojo back too, this thread has been an awesome resource.
you may remember I posted a while back about my relationship, many advised me to get out..well I didn't..you may remember he shared with me when I demanded the truth during a fight last spring, that he has some issues sexually with my "foob".. if you recall, that was about a year ago. we have been together all this time, I just couldn't help it, I adored this guy...and he has been a big part of me getting my life back since bc... But I started getting in a bad vibe that he was "wandering", I checked into a few things, and found out I was right. He hasn't consistently been all that happy but didn't want to hurt me, so instead he stayed 3/4 in and 1/4 out of the relationship, hoping I'd be the one to break it off.
this all came to a head last night at his place, so after a pretty brief talk, I gathered up my dog and my things, and left. I can't help but feel that if I had all my parts this would not be happening. Since BC i have been in 3 relationships, and been dumped in all 3. so yeah, 3 for 3. thanks BC for that. One was a marriage to a guy I'd been with for 8 years (that ended 10 months after diagnosis, the other was a short fling, and this one has been a 1 1/2 year relationship. pre-bc I can honestly say I had never been dumped before. ok, yes, now I am in my 50s, but everyone says I look much younger, so ..help..i just do not know what to do about this. My self esteem is pretty much gone.
so tell me, where do you all find these wonderful men that stick with you during and post bc, cuz I am about to give up.
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Oh crap, I am so, so sorry that he was such a creep to you, soccermom, but that is totally the point- he's an effing creep, through-and-through! And, as a matter of fact, so are the others, if the reason that they "dumped you" was your breast (or lack of)! The way that I see it is these guys aren't worthy of you at all. I mean, I absolutely understand how you're feeling and how it really does seem that there's something wrong and unattractive about YOU. But seriously, girl, do you really want to be tied down to a prick like that, one who judges a woman by her breasts alone? Even if he had stuck with you (and sounds like he's such a coward that he would have if you hadn't challenged him), do you really want that kind of man? Just having a man in your bed, regardless of the quality of that man, is NOT what an awesome, strong warrior-of-a-woman like you should settle for. Yeah, I know it's lonely without a guy and that sex can be very comforting and reassuring, but, really, at what price?
Sweetie, you gotta give yourself some time to heal here and the opportunity to think things through. Make a few lists...list what was so great about the guy and what was not so great. Then list as many amazing characteristics that you possess that you can think of and once you've exhausted your own resources, ask a close (girl) friend to come up with a few to add. You've just got to see that YOU ARE THE PRIZE! And once you really & truly realize this (and you will because it IS the TRUTH), you can get out there and do a little flirting, searching, exploring, etc.
Not long ago, I thought that a good man was as elusive and as unreal as a unicorn and finding one was just as unlikely. So I chose to just take what I could get and move on when I was no longer satisfied. But that got old and was too discouraging. So I took time to be alone and to evaluate my post-BC self, realizing that I was a stronger, kinder, more understanding and more passionate woman than I had ever been. It made me wonder what the hell was wrong with the men I was meeting that they didn't recognize this. Well, I can't say exactly why this realization resulted in my finding a gentle, loving man who I know, without a doubt, would support me through a recurrence or through any other crisis, but I suspect that once I learned who I was and what I am made of, my vibes changed and, I guess, went out to a more decent type of guy. But I'll bet I'm not unique in having had this experience, so I'm suggesting that you give it a shot too...pay attention to yourself and get to know the awesome woman you really are and I'll just bet you that a few others will begin to notice her too and will want to get to know her better!
Keep coming here, soccermom, or find a good local support group of women. Sometimes we need to nourish ourselves and one another and it sounds like you could use that experience right about now.
~Marin
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It really is so disturbing, isn't it, to hear stories of how some men are so shallow and immature that they seriously wound us and our sisters as we seek to recover from this beast of a disease. The opposite side of the coin, of course, are the men who stand by us and support us and we hear those stories here too. I'm especially pleased when I read posts by men who come on our board in order to learn better how to help & support their partners. But I'm wondering here about OUR responsibility to ourselves. To what degree can we impact our own self-esteem and, further, the way that we are viewed by others? I found this article about self-esteem and sexuality and am copying it here for whoever might have similar questions...
Self-Esteem and Sexuality by Sandra Reishus A.C.S.
The definition of self-esteem can be stated to be the reputation we have with ourselves. What it is not is a feeling or a new outfit or a compliment. New clothes, compliments and all temporary lifts make us feel good for the moment, but they have a fleeting quality to them that needs to be reinforced as often as the tides change in our life. These temporary fixes are not lasting or permanent or anything we can count on to be with us through life's ups and downs. Self-esteem instead is earned by us and for us and is not given by nature to some and not others. We are not automatically born with a high regard of ourselves but must acquire it in one way or another if we are to walk the path of life with a peace and dignity. Some of us get the gift at an early age and others of us work painfully long and hard to cultivate a good reputation with ourselves in order that we may truly like and are able to represent who we are.
When we find our own self-worth it does not mean we will never know unhappiness, pain, anxiety or depression, but it does mean that we will experience these states less often and we will come out of them sooner than we would if we were always beating ourselves up.
Assemblyman John Vasconcellos is the founder of California's Task Force on Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility. Their official definition of self-esteem is "Appreciating my own worth and importance and having the character to be accountable for myself and to act responsibly towards others."
Appreciating our worth and importance, the document continues, involves accepting ourselves, setting realistic expectations, forgiving ourselves and others, taking risks, trusting and expressing feelings. It also rests on appreciating our creativity, our minds, our bodies, and our spiritual beings.
Nathaniel Branden, author of "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" and "The Psychology of Romantic Love", says there are three challenges of life. Number one is to have the ability to take independent care of ourselves. Number two is developing competence in all relationships and number three is resistance. We will all know pain and defeat, but the important element here is that we do get back in the ring. This is the sure sign of self-esteem. Life may knock us down but our self-worth says that the experience happened to me but it is not who I am.
Our sexuality also changes once we have acquired even a small dose of self-esteem. No longer do we view sex as a means to an end, but rather as something we personally enjoy and willingly share with a partner. With low self-esteem we use sex hoping that the other person will like us for that or that he/she will think we are power-house lovers 24 hours a day and desire us for that reason or perhaps think we are the best thing they have ever experienced and will want and need us forever. In the long run this does not prove to be a solid footing for a healthy long-term relationship.
With high self-esteem we no longer need to go into any of these roles to gain the acceptance of others. A role can only be maintained six months to a year and after that the true picture of who that person really is begins to surface. If someone you were involved with seemed to change before your very eyes rest assured it was a role they were playing, consciously or subconsciously and not who they were underneath it all.
Self-esteem allows us to place a higher value on our bodies, including the ability to take care of our health by practicing safer sex and by knowing when and if we are ready to take the responsibility of becoming a parent. It permits us to place our own importance on our sexuality by knowing who we are in this area and then finding a partner who is sexually compatible. This we do for ourselves and for the benefit of the relationship, not because we are looking to get something from the other. Once we have a positive sense of self, sex adds to the intimacy of a relationship but does not take the place of closeness. Oftentimes this is what leads to impotency, the inability to climax, premature ejaculation and a lessening of the sex drive. A positive sense of self always helps in these areas once we take the time and devote the energy to making the changes that affect our self-esteem.
Since self-esteem is acquired we need to know what elements direct us toward this goal. The six principles of self-esteem according to Branden, include, the practice of living consciously in the now, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposely and personal integrity. Start living with these six principles every day and watch not only your sexuality change but all the other areas of your life.
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Great article, Marin! Thanks for the reminder.
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Wonderful article! I have been fortunate to have developed a strong self-esteem but let me tell you that it comes with a price! There are many, many people who have made it their mission in life to bring me down. One manager said he thought of me as a race horse; giving me a bit of rein and then pulling me in! I have been called aggressive more times than I care to admit. I have been told that I walk the sales floor like I own it (well, I do! duh! That's why I'm so good in sales) and on and on.
I have turned my cheek only to be slapped on the other. I have NO close female friends as they don't understand me. But, as I understand myself and live with integrity, I know I am a good person. I have stayed true to myself and my husband is so similar to me we have had maybe, MAYBE 3 fights in 15 years. There is just such a mutual respect.
I am very lucky and I make sure my God knows how appreciative I am of it.
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Thank you so much, Marin...I am taking what you said to heart and I want to believe it. I plan to take some time out from dating and men and focus on my family, career, fitness and my dream of owning a home again someday....all areas which have suffered given the high maintenance aspect of the man I was with.
To be honest, as painful as all this had been, I am actually a bit relieved to be done with it....relieved not to be waiting for him to call and wondering where he was when he didn't call or answer my calls, relieved not to be worrying if I looked OK or up to his standards, esp my breasts.. Looking back I see what enormous stress all that was...I have many blessings in my life, not the least of which is basically good health. I am trying hard to let go of the anger I feel at him for betraying me...I will never be able to forgive the man I was married to who left me during bc, and I don't want to carry any more failed relationships around with me the way I do with that one.
With this guy, to be honest, there were signs of trouble, I did try to leave him once but he asked me to stay,,,but we just weren't on the same page about commitment. While I blame him for being dishonest, I do feel that he tried to commit to me and for whatever reason couldn't. But it helps to know that he did try. He sounds like a total jerk but obviously it wasn't that simple..sigh..
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Dear friends:
For those of you who know Mena. We owe her this wonderful "Mojo" thread: I received a very nice message from Linora, who talks to her frequently. Mena no longer posts, of course, but she is happy to know that we are thinking of her. In Linora's own words:
First we had good news. The radiation was working and her symptoms were abating (the pain, shortness of breath). But a few days ago she called me in the morning (I had sent her a birthday present), and I could tell she was very frightened. She had had a bad night, she felt like something had been pressing on her chest. She can't keep any food down. She went right away to the doctor and they checked her out and said everything is OK. There is no fluid in her chest, they can't explain the pain. Perhaps it was just anxiety...I say "just anxiety" but what she must be going through........ I talk to her every few days. She is very, very sweet.
How nice of Linora's to have thought of letting us all know how our Mena is doing.....As you may or may not know, Mena lost her beloved daughter recently. What a terrible, terrible tragedy. You can find the story by doing a search on Mena's name.
Mena needs our prayers to get through these difficult times, and I know she can count on all of us.
Mena, we love you, you are very much in our thoughts, and, of course, in our prayers.
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I have her address if anyone wants it - just PM me.
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I have her address if anyone wants it - just PM me.
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Hi my chicas! I hope that everyone has been off MOJO-ing away! I know that I have
! I came across this article listing women's top ten sexual fantasies and thought of you all, of course. Here's the link...read, enjoy, and see if you can relate to any of them and/or add your own. The link might also come in handy for those of you who are too shy to relate your fantasies to your partner, in which case you can email him the link and add your rankings and additional comments. Or.....just start acting on them!No matter what you do with the fantasies, I hope that you ENJOY them!
http://www.healthyplace.com/sex/psychology-of-sex/womens-top-ten-sexual-fantasies/menu-id-66/
~Marin
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Huh, been there done that. The $100 sounded awfully familiar too. Glad I did all that while I still had breasts.....sigh.
Thanks for the link Marin.
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I have a crazy little thing that happened on Valentine's Day.. You know, I ordered the Hitachi Magic Wand - Mr. Big - a month ago, but hid it away and then wrapped it up and gave it to my husband on Valentine's Day. It sat on the dining room table all day. I'm sure he thought it was a twelve pack of golf balls or something similarly boring. He had invited his best friend and his wife to come over to join us for a lobster dinner. Before they arrived, he mentioned wanting to get a little Valentine's romance later that evening, and I said, well, what is in that box might help in that regard. His eyes became as big as saucers! "REALLY"? he asked, as he grabbed the box and started to open it. When he saw what it was, he said, "Wow! If I had known about THIS, I wouldn't have invited anyone else over for dinner. He could not get his mind off this all night. He kept brushing up next to me in the kitchen and giving me naughty looks. He was so excited to have dinner over early and the guests on their way!!! But while we were having appetizers in the living room, I started feeling rather odd. Sort of dizzy. Then when we were about halfway through dinner, I began to feel really miserable and excused myself. I went upstairs and our friend told Mike, as I was retreating, "Deborah does not look well." So he followed me upstairs and into the bathroom where I proceeded to upchuck my entire lobster meal. I sat on the bathroom floor, moaning in front of the toilet bowl. I had the flu. He had this pathetic look on his face and said, "but it's Valentine's Day....." I know he saw plans for his Valentine's Day gift just flying out the window.
I spent the next 24 hours recovering, but I made up for it two nights later though....
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Whippetmom,
Sorry to hear about your Valentines Day BUT am very glad you got to make up for it a couple days later. I'm sure DH was too!
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Thanks Makraz!
By the way, has anyone seen the video of Barbie's 50th birthday party? Should those of us of this ilk be insulted? Pretty funny though...bet SHE doesn't need a Hitachi!
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HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Very funny! But, I do take insult at her boobs touching the floor and her dragging the guy into the bedroom. I'm 48 3/4 and a cougar. My boobs do NOT touch the floor and the young men drag ME into the bedroom!
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I;m 65 and my boobs don't do that either, thanks to bc and my ps! but since I was small breasted in my youth, they didn't sag that much anyway. It's like having oily skin as a teen, when you get to "that age", you have fewer wrinkes than the folks with completely smooth skin when They were young.
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Whippetmom-
great video! My husband got me Mr. BIG or Mr. Hitachi for Valentine's day too. At first we're both trying to figure out what's so great about this thing and how we should use it...so we played around with it and soon found out. WOW
!!! We give it a 10+ out of 10 
. Ladies this toy is a must and it also works great to loosen tight sore back muscles.
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