I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
Comments
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And here are a few articles from Redbook that some of us might intriguing and/or helpful:
http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/best-sex-article-tips
http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/10-sex-tools
http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/new-sex-positions
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~Marin
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I have to do something! I let it get way out of control. I was a basket case after my bilateral mastectomy and then chemo hit me out of left field. Then, no boobs, expanders, no hair, feeling horrible, no toenails, ugly fingernails.... in the end sex has been the furtherst from my mind.
I am only 37 years old. I have a FABULOUS and understanding boyfriend. He has been nothing but patient. BUT now it has been 6 months and that is unacceptable on many different levels. I just had my exchange surgery and get the drains out tomorrow.
So I need my MOJO back. But even now I have so many excuses in my head.... drain sites, stiches across my boobs, etc.
Where do I even begin to get this right again?
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Dear CristiC - I send many thoughts and good wishes. You have had a terrible time and I can understand how hard it is for you to feel sensual right now when your body has treated you so badly.
If I may, I recommend that you stop thinking about your body, and focus on his. Even if it is just touching. You might not feel sexy, but I am sure you still know what his body likes to have done to it. And at least some of those things you can do without hair or boobs. Dammit, all you need are your hands and your mouth, if you'll forgive my bluntness! And seeing how he responds to that will make you feel better about your own body, because you have given him that pleasure.
So I would suggest you start with some him time. Don't worry about whether you feel turned on. Just focus on turning HIM on, and your body might be prepared to come along for the ride!
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That is very good and powerful advice! He will remember the touch and feel of you and re-learn your new body in a very positive atmosphere......
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That is wonderful advice! You are both so right. I am having a pity party day. Drains weren't ready to come out, then i dropped my phone in the toilet, trying to work from home while recovering and now with no phone, lost my thumbnail (chemo did in nails).... UGH! Tonight may not be the night but I am going to take your advice. I don't want to ruin one of the best things I have going for me right now!
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CristiC - sakura gave great advice. Sounds like you have a wonderful man. My SO is so turned on by the bald head and the fake boobs - it's just too funny and I have to go with it. Sometimes he's warmed up before me but I forget about how I look and then things just happen. Some nights just cuddling and talking is as good as it gets and I'll take that too!! Good luck.
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I have been reading and posting on this thread for several years and Cristl, that is some of the very BEST advice I've read to date! It is great advice not only for those of us who feel unsexy and unattractive, but for everyone. The essence of truly making love is about giving pleasure to our partners. If we can also receive his/her return gifts, all the better!
So let's keep up all the hot mojo, my chicas!!!!
~Marin
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Has anyone got experiences they are willing to share about the impact of a port on their sex life? I am having one installed tomorrow before my second AC and am worried it will get in the way - DBF will need to be careful, I suppose. My boob is healed enough not to need special attention anymore, but having something under my skin is a bit scary. I don't want him to have to stop grabbing hold of me!
I am not posting this to boast but to encourage others who, like me, want the mojo to flow unimpeded during chemo. In the 3 weeks since my first AC we've had really good sex about five times - plus several other occasions of pleasuring him when my body was not up to active participation. That's not as much as we did it pre-chemo, but it is more than I thought I'd get! I did learn the importance of those times not being too close together (one mild case of thrush) and DBF did not quite understand at first that however aroused I was, we still had to use lubricant, but otherwise all has been well.
Cristi - any news? Hope the mojo is slowly but surely returning!!
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I can only report my own experience and that was that the port made no difference at all to my sex life...or any other aspect of my life for that matter. Of course, you'll need to be careful while the incision heals, but once it does, you'll just have a bump about the size of a quarter in diameter on your chest. I had mine inserted rather low on the chest, right next to my armpit, and it wasn't stiff or sticking out at all. Some women do have their ports in somewhat awkward spots or they just happen to be very sensitive around the area, so you'll just have to see how it goes. But I'd say you should definitely hope for the best and assume it won't get in the way of your sexual pleasure at all!
Rock on, chica! You might as well find as much pleasure as possible during this crappy time. It makes it alot more tolerable and helps the time go by faster too!
~Marin
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Thanks Marin! Mine too is quite low on my chest, and when the incision heals (have fair bit of shoulder pain at present) I am hoping it won't get in the way too much at all.
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I'm just popping in-I have no mojo stories to share, (well, actually, I do!!!). What I was going to say is that we haven't been able to do much while I recover from my hemicolectomy. However, the day before the surgery, we actually utilized that one video one of you ladies posted the link to (regarding the g-spot, the text was all in Spanish).
Let me tell you ladies.....dh has always been able to hit the spot before, but by making those slight changes and copying the same "rhythm" they demonstrate, HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think a choir sang for me.
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Alright...what video? And can I do it myself seeing as I am the only one in my house with MOJO?
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It's several pages back by now....I can't for the life of me remember who posted it, but YES, you can do it yourself-they show how the woman can do the techniques alone!
Did I mention the choir?
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Having sex made my port pain go away!
Somehow the muscles relaxed while we were hard at it. But the next morning it was back again.
Oh well. Yay, whoopsiedoodles - great news!
And let me just put in a plug for Pjur lubricant. I am in Zoladex-induced ovarian failure and only very prolonged foreplay brings on enough natural lubrication to make sex fun. This morning a splash of Pjur was a very very good substitute. Buy it, everyone! (and no, I have no financial stake in that company!)
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whoopsie - the choir is in the house. My SO is trying so hard and I just have to let my brain go and I finally did this week - twice! Improved my mood and his - we love sex and always been a huge part of our relationship but I also loved that we were able to find our mojo without it. Says something for the balance - but glad it's back with a vengeance. Still letting my body produce it's own lube but always open to stimulants if needed. Thanks to everyone for being so open about the possibilities and options.
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OMG I think I was the one that posted that link lol
I will look back and see if I can find it
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Barbe this is just for you
ok ladies I'm going to add the link I found. I will say don't click on this if you don't want to see something graphic. If you click on the link you can hit play on the video it discusses the G spot very well. I was asking about the oil because I thought the 5th part they used a type of oil for lubrication but didn't catch what he calls it. http://blog.innerpendejo.net/2007/04/video-como-encontrar-estimular-punto-g.html
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Rockwell, that was it!!!!!!!
May the Godess of Mojo smile brightly upon you for a FANTASTIC link.
la la la la (that's the choir singing in the background).
You rule. I have no idea how you found that, but it was fantastic!
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Rockwell,
It sounded like grapeseed oil to me.
How did you find that video, short of scrolling through all the hits?
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Thanks to this thread I am going to talk to my onco about any restrictions she may have on sexual activity. If I have a yeast infection I know that can be passed to hubby and then back to me and on and on. Also, I'm not sure of the effects of semen the mouth. Mouth sores are also transferable as they are a form of herpes. Then I still have some swelling in the left breast but only when I get horny and my body is still adjusting to it's year long friend the Port. So right now it looks like hand jobs for both of us after thorough cleansing and sterilization (hands). 0
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I think the 1st time I posted this I might have said I figured out to say Grapeseed oil
But someone sent me a PM thinking it was this:
The oil he says is probably Rapeseed Oil (EU term) known as Canola Oil in the US.
Maybe you can post this for me.
PS I can't tell all my secrets ; )
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I found this on one of the links above but thought I would share with all
of course I made a copy of these so I can try as many out as possible ; - )
The Golden Gate
The One-Lane Highway
Raise your legs and drape them over his shoulders so your knees or calves are on either side of his head (don't worry, it's not as hard as it sounds). Or bend your knees and place your feet flat against his chest. Thrusting is effortless for him in this position, so prepare for a wild ride!
Once he's inside you, squeeze your legs together so his thighs are straddling yours. The snugger fit will make your vagina feel tighter, his penis feel bigger, and create a whole lot of friction you'll both enjoy.The One-Legged Stork
Raise just one leg so it rests on his torso while keeping the other flat on the bed. This position has two things going for it: easy thrusting, plus now there's room for you (or him) to reach down and manually stimulate your clitoris for added kicks.The Crazy CAT
In truth, the missionary position doesn't always give women enough clitoral contact to reach her peak - but leave it to a sexual researcher (Edward Eichel) to change that by inventing the Coital Alignment Technique (CAT). To do it, have your guy slide his torso up a few inches so he rocks, rather than thrusts, into you, keeping his pubic bone connected to yours at all times. The added clitoral stimulation is scientifically proven to up your enjoyment level.The Amazing Arc
Slide your legs down so they're straddling his thighs rather than his torso. Arch your back so you're nearly perpendicular to the bed. The arc shape of your body will put maximum pressure on your clitoral area, which may send you overboard in no time.The Reverse Cowgirl
In this position, you spin so you're facing his feet, then go at it with your torso perpendicular to the bed (or you can lean back against his chest). This, of course, gives him a great view of your derriere - and the new angle of him inside you can create a whole host of sweet new sensations.The Crouching Tiger
Being on all fours while your partner takes you from behind is already erotically animalistic, but you can make it even more sexually charged by lowering your chest to the bed. This angle elongates and tightens your vagina, resulting in an even more snug, more tantalizing fit.The Swinging Bishop
When you're in the spooning position with your back to his, lift your top leg and have him hold it, or drape your leg over his. This allows for even deeper penetration - and gives you both great access to your clitoris if you've craving extra encouragement.The Kissing Goldfish
You don't have to spoon to make sideways sex work. Believe it or not, it is possible to have sex sideways while facing each other - just lift your leg so he can scoot in there. Movement will be limited to grinding rather than thrusting, but these more subtle movements can be highly stimulating, especially since his every hip wiggle will be hitting your clitoris front and center. Plus (attention romance junkies) since you're facing each other, you can kiss and gaze into each other's eyes.The Leaning Tower of Pisa
Less delicate folks might call this the Pile Driver, and while we've tried to attach a gentler eponym, this move is definitely not for the faint of heart. Your guy kneels, grabs your legs and hoists them up onto his shoulders, then enters you while you're practically doing a headstand below. A neck ache may ensue over time, but while it lasts, it's definitely impressive and will give the guy an "I'm king of the world!" rush. Meanwhile, you'll get to experience your own rush - of blood to your head, for starters, but also of getting manhandled in the most satisfying way.0 -
Hey Rockwell,
Both Marin and I have agreed that the "Leaning Tower" position is the best. It is amazing. We use the Liberator (go back many pages regarding that one, there is a hilarious story of my son seeing it), and it makes penetration insanely intense.
You are quickly becoming one of our resources on this thread! I think we all kind of take certain jobs. Marin is the pooh-bah of sex after cancer, I feel like my job is regarding the intimacy issues and trusting your husband/partner/bf to help find new ways to reach climax. You are the finder of awesome resources and positions!
Keep them coming! (no pun, I swear)!
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I've been a fan of Crouching Tiger for years and had to laugh when Samantha on Sex in the City had a whole skit on it! I guess I would prefer a Forward Cowboy as that always works for me too!
Now, to find a man with a hard-on ....
(I'm the one with mojo, he's the one with 3 brain tumours and no interest!)
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rockwell - just reading your descriptions gets me started - lol
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OMG, y'all, I just can't leave you alone for a week and you get way naughty without me! Sweeeeeeeeeeeet!
Love the positions, Sandy! I guess I've tried and enjoyed all but the Crazy Cat and the Kissing Goldfish. My favorites are One-Legged Stork, the Reverse Cowgirl (P. LOVES this one!) and, as Whoops said, the Leaning Tower...with The Liberator!
In order to facilitate greater understanding of the positions that Sandy has so generously outlined, here's a link that I think I posted about a year ago with visuals on each position and plenty more as well: http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_arch.shtml
Wishing everyone a rockin' mojo-filled weekend!
Marin
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Marin - you and Sandy rock. Had an awesome time at the beach last night with SO. He'll do anything - praise the Lord!!
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Marin thank you for that link
oh I just loved it
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Oh Sandy, I gotta thank YOU for re-activating the subject of positions and for your delicious list! After pointing out my favorites, we did every one of them the very next morning (wow, do I adore Sunday mornings when we can spend hours & hours in bed!)! Yeah, I'm still lovin' the Leaning Tower, but The Crouching Tiger really got me outta control this time! Also, I tend to forget about The Liberator and then, once we break it out again, I can't believe that I can forget such an amazing prop! Seriously, my chicas, ya just gotta have one!
~Marin
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Yes, great list! I love the Crouching Tiger - particularly because DBF is rather well endowed and in this position I can really enjoy him. He likes it because he can grab hold of my arse! Can't do Leaning Tower without being a bit tense - DBF is just too large for me that way.
Am about to click on that Liberator link, Marin!
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