I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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Oh, here are my girls....I should have known Deborah and laura and Linda would find this thread!!
Here I am too.....I need advice!!
Post hysterectomy/oopharectomy and arimidex has me like the sahara desert. Hubby is rarin to go, but I'm afraid bec. frankly, I'm shrunken up. Feel like it's the first time every time. We've used KY as per the OB/GYNs advice, but I'm afraid that the lack of estrogen has messed me up big time!
Any advice girls? I have a gorgeous, 54 year old who looks like Pierce Brosnan waiting for me to feel better............as we all know, we estrogen + ladies cannot use the estrogen creams other gals can...not even the new lo dose one, per my onc. Nada. Someone suggested Replens, a dear friend....
love you bunches, all of you.
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Annie, Oncs seem to vary in their recommendations, as I've seen many women on these boards who are on the AIs are being OKed to use the vaginal estrogens, especially when it comes down to impacting on quality of life. If I were in your shoes, sex life would be so important to me that I'd be looking for another Onc with a different opinion. Maybe you can convince the Onc to let you use it for just a little while, not long term, so that you can occasionally have a decent sex life?
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Annie girlfriend!! you are so funny...
Pierce Brosnan? are you serious? WOW..no wonder you are looking for help... ;-)
My gyno suggested that I try RePlens but I have not bought any yet....has anyone tried it and it works....
you can try using pure VitaE oil. just put some on your fingertips and rub it inside you and around the outside. do this everyday. I have been using it and seems to help.
good luck Annie
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thank you , girls!!
Yeah, re: the estrogen. I was Queen Estrogen. So heavily er++++ that I had the ovaries removed. He won't even let me take Fish Oil Caps due to phytoestrogen contant. That bad.
I am seeing OB/GYN tomorrow and I hope she has some suggestions. Linda, does the Vit E give you a girl infection or cytitis? I run to those also, of course.
No, I am not kidding re: Pierce Brosnan, but my guy is better looking
. He is so beautiful that I am accustomed to women hitting on him and telling me I'd better watch my back. Fortunately for me, he is an old fashioned, one woman guy. I adore him. He's romantic, sweet, supportive, loving and has a fantastic sense of humor. Thank god for that. We made bad boob jokes all thru this mess. I will try to figure out how to post his photo. Im pretty hopeless at it, but he's good to look at!
xoxo
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That my man; he's making a face, as the cat has a crush on him also, obviously.
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Hm, did not care for photo post, I have to find a better one
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Annie, LOL does look like the cat is moving in on him...hehehe Thanks for showing off your man...I would too...
I have not been using the VitaE for very long. Is it know for giving you girl infections?
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Hello all- I have a different topic to ask about, sorry don't mean to change the subject..BUT I've had one marriage and one LTR crash n burn since BC..and now in a new relationship which is on the verge of a getting physically intimate (read:having sex! with clothes off! LOL) with a good man that has miraculously came into my life..
now I am struggling with: what to tell him, how to tell him, when to tell him..without being a downer, without scaring him off..I know you will all say if its scares him off better to find out now..but I still hope to do it in a way as to minimize risk ..things are going amazingly well for us so far, intense chemistry, mental and physical, he's a keeper and I just don't want to screw it up!!
my mastectomy side is reconstructed with implant and graft for nipple, the other side was lifted and small implant placed. mast side cosmetics are great with clothes on, not as great with clothes off--some rippling on inner side of breast, nipple has flattened, implant under muscle so does weird things when in certain positions. good side cosmetically very good in or out of clothes.
DX was 6 1/2 years ago..I've been thinking of getting the mast side worked on a little more, probably not too hard to correct issues, but I wanted to be with a supportive partner before bothering with it all..
sooo what to say? when to say it? I like what some have said about being light and joking about it, but I"m not good at that at all..the biggest problem is WHEN, ie the setting of when to bring it up without ruining the mood..i think given the proper scenario I could blurt something out
we've been together a little over a month, I've been stalling on having sex because of this..which isn't so bad really, he's very patient, but I don't want him to get TOO frustrated.. it's time...or will be as soon as i figure it out..
he's a very loving and sensitive man, has a very sweet spiritual and giving way about him..I am tyring to be cautiously optimistic that it won't freak him out..I know it is't only the cosmetics that can freak guys out, some of them don't want to set themselves up for losing the woman they love and don't want to take on someone with potential serious health issues down the road, and ya know I think it's fair to give them the option to back off if that's the case, as much as I"d hate for that to happen ..
soooo, any ideas girls??HELP!!
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Hi soccer mom:
Hm, if it were me, I'd wait til an opportune moment strikes and you find yourself in the mood to chat. Assuming he's not a greek god or something, most people have something going on with their bodies unless they are 20 years old and athletes...scars, marks, surgeries, etc. You could casually bring the conversation around to bodies in general, asking if he'd ever had surgeries as a kid or adult. If he asks why, you can tell him then. Since you've been married once, and have had relationships, I'm assuming he's at least in his 20s.
If he is the keeper you think he is; this won't phase him. At the very least, it will let you have his reaction. However, you are right, to give him the option. And perhaps it wouldn't be fair to do it in bed. That's kind of catching him unawares and he might not react the way you are looking for out of surprise that you've kept this to yourself. Maybe snuggle around, have some wine, some smooching and then tell him that you have had breast cancer, you are healthy now, but that it's left a little scarring that you may or may not address. And tell him that you are a little bit shy as of yet to show it to him. Any man worth anything at all will tell you that it doesn't matter at all.
The hardest part of this is now....he is a human being, he's probably got luggage (as do we all, if we've lived at all). He is most likely wondering how to bring up that old girlfriend, or ex fiance, or troublesome parent or alcoholic aunt.....etc., etc.
breast Cancer is so much a part of the landscape these days, I can't imagine he'd feel otherwise than honored you confided in him and proud to be with you. IF he's worthy of you.
xoxo
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soccemom - I agree with annie. If this guy is worth his salt, and you have or have not already told him about your BC - he'll roll with it. I had both of my breasts removed and although I loved them they didn't always look that great in any sexual position but my SO didn't care and he doesn't care now. I was always comfortable completely nude during lovemaking(I know TMI -but relevant to this conversation) and now I always have on a little t or camisole or slip and we still celebrate the love. I hope this guy is all you hope and doesn't have not even one little problem with the difference in the girls. Just be honest with him and let yourself enjoy the experience. Does anyone remember how the original girls looked after 30+ years and babies etc.... Hugs to you and everyone.
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bobcat and annie-- thank you so much, the advice is brilliant and right on! I'm 57 and he's 56--actually he has a gorgeous body so I'm not going to be able to play that card, but you know you are so right about if I had the original girls they wouldn't be lookin so hot at this point either..of course the sexual responsiveness is 95% gone in the left one..
also was digging around on this thread and found one of Marin's links she supplied when I was asking for oral sex tips and in that article it said one of the biggest turn ons for men is when we are confident about our bodies, even if they are less than perfect ..I used to have that and miss it now!! But he might just be the right sensitive partner to handle this beautifully, maybe the little camisole idea will work or he will somehow put me at ease about being naked..I have hopes for him..
I honestly would love it if he'd just treat both girls pretty much the same, I wonder if that's hard for a guy though.. the implant side gets cold easily and of course doesn't feel quite like a real one, although its probably better in alot of ways than the saggy real one I had before..remember the acronym NIBS? "new improved breasts"..OK that's a bit optimistic, but yes, there still is something to it..
hugs to all, can't imagine being on this journey without my BC sisters!!
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Soccermom.... I don't know about that. BOTH mine still look just fine, or will once my lumpectomy scar heals.
Very funny story: someone I know who had both breasts removed was just starting dating a new guy. And a few dates later, when things were going just wonderfully, she of course had to broach the subject. "I have something important to tell you, Joe." Well Joe, was taken aback and, thinking the worst, thought she would say that she really was a guy! So he was quite relieved to discover that it was only a minor physical imperfection.
They got married some time later.
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just reading some of your other threads Annie and Bobcat--
Annie I wish I had your sense of humor!! Love your Thelma and Louise nicknames, my favorite movie to boot, or one of them..and the idea of the "adopted" girl-- too cute!!
Bobcat- I saw what you have to pay for insurance--I pay around $600. per month just for me, and that's on an employer's group plan. I didn't venture into the healthcare reform fray on BC.org but I did witness a few dustups on Facebook! All I know is, something ain't right when I pay out close to half of my annnual income on insurance and out of pocket costs, and can't even see my original cancer drs who kept me alive for five years, as they don't participate in the HMO Im paying through the nose for. It can't get any worse, IMHO.
well this may be the week I have the "conversation", I just wish I could have a more witty and funny approach, but we will see...I'll keep ya posted
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Hey, chica...good to see you back and with such a good report (new guy)! So you already know that everyone in my world, including my men, gets to know about my bc within the first few days of knowing me, mainly because teaching exercise to survivors and joining other charitable causes is such a part of who I am and what I do. But if that weren't the case and I was hesitant about revealing the "big secret" in conversation, here's what I might do. I think that I'd start to get all touchy-feely with him and get him excited, then take his hand and put it on my good breast, explaining that it is my "breast of choice" due to having had bc in the past. Most guys wouldn't really need details beyond that because if they're gonna get the good breast, not to mention the va-jay-jay, they just won't care. And just to be certain, I'd finish him off with some awesome oral. But, hey, maybe that's just me....
!~Marin
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Now Marin, that is definitely the nicest way to go about this..."breast of choice.." wonderful!
Soccer mom, no one has to be "funny" or "witty"...it's not required..all that is required is a little gentle direction and that you like to wear a pretty cami as you had a little surgery on the girl and you are shy..once he finds out that your "secret" is BC, he will not only admire you, he will be even more loving of you and careful of you.
...if he is worthy of you
...he sounds great, take things there when YOU are ready. If it were me I'd go to VS and buy some really pretty undies. JIC....:). You are not your boobs, you know. Marin's right, if he is into thinking he's going to get the whole enchilada, he isn't worrying about a little divot here or there. My hubby hasn't even seen the new improved lady. I told him she's private until she gets her cherry on top. He's fine with it, I bought sexy new bras and that is AOK with him. It'd be AOK with him if I showed him too. For my own comfort, I'm waiting.Sounds like a good one
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Hi Marin! Claire - funny story - could have been a Lifetime Movie - lol. Soccermom - you will be fine. He sounds like a great guy. Annie - I can see the cat moving in on him
) My cats love my SO too!! He's 6', white hair, great body and handsome - like a young Steve Martin - just my type and he doesn't care if I wear a cami, slip or nothing at all - I wear the cami for me. The guy is just wonderful. Hugs to all.0 -
Hi Ladies! I just found this thread... I hope to have sex one day soon! it's been well over a year and I have been doing this cancer crap all alone... I had a date last week and got kissed - it was a very good kiss, now I want sex...
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Thank you so much everyone for the moral support! I knew I could count on you...here's what happened..I took everyone's excellent input into account...kind of synthesized it into my own situation and it went beautifully..
first- my conclusions
First and foremost, start with an amazing guy and have faith in him;-) after that it probably doesn't matter how you broach it, but I think the key is your own attitude..if you are all freaked out and make a federal case out of it, he could very well adopt the same attitude..so in short, if you have an amazing guy and an upbeat attitude it will go well...
actually I have another medical situation I can't really describe here that could be more of an issue for a guy than the BC was..before I brought up the bc, I was thinking about the two medical issues, and I actually wrote him a 4 page letter describing both things, how I feel about him, etc etc. I didn't use the letter after all, but writing it really helped me process the whole situation.. and I realized that the BC was relatively minor in some ways relative to this other issue,,that realization also helped me to breeze through it..
mind you we haven't gotten naked yet..when we do I don't plan to wear anything special , in mood lighting the foob looks OK..
we were facebook chatting which we do alot last night..he made some tangential comment about death so I seized the opening and said "I almost died once" then told him very very briefly that Id had bc and chemo almost killed me and when, and he said "I knew you were an angel" and "I sure am glad you're here!" and some very encouraging things in that vein..i briefly described my foob and even made a joke or two , explaining what a foob is, etc..then later I emailed him a few sexy shots of naked me showing the foob and the boob, not in a super graphic way.. and we did a little cyber sex stuff which we also do alot of (he lives too far to see each other much during the week, so we get into alot of that)..everything seemed completely normal after I told him.
funny how much hi tech stuff I used to help me in telling him!! it went really well..
now to tackle that other medical issue.. but so far he is amazing...and just as a bonus he is very very nicely "endowed" judging from the the shot he sent back to me last night..
Marin- the oral may be a challenge though due to the size!! do you have any links on hand jobs!!
musiclover- it all starts with the kiss, enjoy that moment..be patient, keep us posted!
claire-- great story! I actually saw a Jerry Springer episode where "she" told the guy she was really a "he" and that did kind of put it all in perspective! NIBS are more relevant to implant/lift reconstructions where you can end up way perkier than you were before, in cases where you can't do lumpectomy
Happy Easter all!
mojo is still alive and kicking here, thx again everyone!
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It has taken me a week but I have read all 91 pages of posts... I feel like I am caught up... Now to get the guy and pounce on him!
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soccermom...When I get home tonight, I'll look for some good links. Also, if you go back to some of my posts from fall or so of '08, you'll see how I grappled with the "endowment issue" which, frankly, I'm still finding challenging. But some of the wonderful women on this board PM'd me with lots of suggestions regarding positions, etc. Anyway, I'll just say this...that despite size, oral is definitely doable and let's face it, it's almost every man's favorite thing to do, no matter what he says or what we would like to believe. Of course, there are exceptions, but I've yet to meet one
!~Marin
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OK, here ya go:
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,traceycox_908l7j8j,00.html
and...http://sexuality.about.com/od/tipstechniques/ht/give_a_handjob.htm
And if you consider going for the BJs: http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmakemoan&msg=2165.1&ctx=0
Most of all, girl, have fun!!!!!!!
~Marin
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ALL RIGHT! About to dig in to those links, Marin, thank you so much! I guess having a guy who is well-endowed and very responsive at my age is an excellent problem to have!
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what a LUCKY woman!!
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I pounced on the guy Tuesday night!
The problem? I could not orgasm... He was great and took a long time on me. I just could not let go fully. I am disappointed with myself. BUT he is the first man I have been with (other than my husband) since I was 18. I know getting used to a new body and how things feel is going to take practice, but I so wanted to let go... I am hoping that next time will be better...
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I found Gun Oil, on Amazon!!!!
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What is gun oil for?
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LUBE! I read about it in CURE magazine! Funny story...
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Ok, ladies, question. I've been reading about getting intimate with your new beau, and telling him about "the breast of choice". How do you broach the topic when you had BOTH breasts taken and neither have much sensation....I sooo miss nipple stimulation!!
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OH man! I can relate to that!
I told my date about the MX and showed him my new girls on the Internet web cam, but when it came to sex, I kept the bra on. He nuzzled my cleavage a little, but I did so miss that erogenous zone.
I really wanted to get felt all over, but think I will wait until I get my awesome new nips before I take the bra off in person.
On the other hand, I saw my breast surgeon this morning for an exam and she felt me all over... I think I am getting sensation all over my breasts, just not the nipple stuff.
BUT the funny thing is that when I get cold, I could swear that my nipples are erect. I still feel like they are there... PHANTOM NIPPLE SENSATIONS? I hope the new ones trick me into believing I have them!
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bump
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