I WANT MY MOJO BACK!
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The vaginismus.com link that FItChik listed above is where I purchased my dialators. The site and the product were recommended by my GYN. The two smallest of the four were no problem for me. I am currently working with the third. We'll see how that goes.
Alternatives to vaginal intercourse are ok, for what they are. I confess, I am an intercourse girl and I so want to get that back. Even if I don't get the big O from it. I just want to be able to do it again and enjoy it. DH would be happy with "Other things" which we do when I can't handle full penetration.
Thanks for the verification FitChik.
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Obviously, this was a topic needed visiting. I'm a survivor of cancer: 2 surgeries, radiation and chemo. I tried the astroglide, and jelly but those products gave me rashes, the last thing I needed. With time normal lubrication returns ( at least it did for me 6 mo. after chemo ended) It is hard to have lost the feelings from nipple arousal to the rest of the body. forever gone! In A Time to Heal class I attended last winter, we learned to name things that had changed and allow ourselves to grieve the losses. A job, boundless energy, and sexual pleasure as I had once known it, were my losses. However, each of those things can also be areas of discovering a "new normal". One new year resolution for me is that I'm taking the losses as a deadend, not going to spend any more time grieving them; I'm turning around and finding a new route, trying a side street. Let's accept that we will never be the way we were. That way, a future of new normal in any area can be embraced. Does this make sense to anyone? I know its easier said than done. But it is what it is. I don't want potions, pills or other harmful devices. I don't want to be vulnerable to some advertising promises. ( And I for sure don't need any more dents in the wall from hitting my head against it.) Those who have written of loving husbands, aren't they just the greastest gift from heaven?! SO let's bask in that love we have in the relationship and go into the next day (or night) relaxed and focusing on the blessings. God surely has more treasures for us to enjoy on this journey. Thank you Mena for opening the discussion.
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BUMP
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Missing "MOJO" is something that scares me a lot, but it seems like it will be gone when I starting to take Femara.
I love my DH and we have a great sexlife (at least until my BC) and I can't imagine not having sex with him. I know sex is only one part in a marriage, but it's very important!
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About dilators: after a discussion with my gyno I also ordered the set from www.vaginismus.com
Some points my gyno gave me:
1. plan to spend 10-15 minutes a day, four or five days a week in 'dilator therapy', consistency and repetition are needed to be successful
2. start small, work up, don't rush it or skip sizes
3. even when you are having sex regularly, if you have atrophy, you will still probably want to continue the therapy at least once a week (unless your SO is an 18 year old or has a Viagra prescription.....the (in) frequency of 'middle age' sex alone may not be enough to keep everything in working order
I just starting using them so don't know how they will work out, but I will say that they are not as gross, kinky or fun (depending on your point of view) as one might expect. Definitely worth a try.
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Hi Ladies,
My name is Brittany McAllister and I am an undergraduate psychology student at Hobart and William Smith Colleges in New York. As part of my Honors thesis, I have created a survey for breast cancer patients. It deals with sexual satisfaction and quality of life after breast cancer. It is aiming to help women with problems exactly like what you are all referring to!
If you know anyone who would like to take the survey or if you are interested yourselves, do not hesitate to contact me at brittany.mcallister@hws.edu
Thank you!
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I had a bilateral mastectomy suppose to be nipple sparing on 12/29/09. Lost both nipples to infections in the incisions. I am married to the most wonderful patient husband. I want to make love but am so reluctant to even though my husband tells me I look beautiful. How do you learn to accept the changes, the loss of sensation? I am having a revision I think March 31. I have rippling. Then will have nipple recon. He is so loving and patient. In the middle of the day I think about being intimate and want to and then my mind jumps to but I can't stand the idea of the difference now and I don't want to let him see me. It doesn't make sense because we shower together every day!
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I bought some pretty camisoles - spaghetti straps, lace. I wore that with some sexy panties to bed and it didn't take long for things to heat up. I still wear the camis at night. My DH has seen and accepts my scarred up breasts, but it just makes me feel more comfortable to have a little cover up. By all means, go for it! The first time is hardest, but if your hubby is loving and patient as you say, he will understand and go slow. I'm sure he'll just be thrilled to make love, whatever the circumstances!
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Yes I have kept my bra on. We have a couple of times but I just am so sad because it is so different and I am backing away which is the wrong thing to do. He has been so good and tells me don't rush it you will when you are ready. My fear is that it will continue to stay like this and the longer I don't the worse it will get. This is the part people don't understand who haven't gone through it. Thanks for the help.
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I just had to jump in here, having been through this issue with my friends here for several years now. I'd say that, for most of us, we don't fully return to that innocent, no-holds-barred, come-&-get-me-'cause-I-am-so-ready attitude for a loooong time, if ever. BC brings a new you and, with that new you, the need to readjust your body image and the comfort level you have with sharing your body with someone in an intimate way. Sometimes it even necessitates a new vision of our sexuality and how we can express it. That being said, here is what I have found works best...assuming that you're not experiencing pain with touching and intercourse and you're not so emotionally distraught that you should seek professional counseling, I'd tell you to JUST DO IT. Seriously, it's something like jumping into a cold pool- you just hold your nose and jump and before you know it, you're all wet and feeling pretty comfortable. At least try this method. It could be the answer for you and it sounds like you really have a strong desire for intimacy and for pleasing your husband.
Good luck and let us know how it goes!
~Marin
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Marin, well that is exactly what I did! I know it will take time. I hate the changes. But I love my husband so very much and I don't want him to be deprived of this closeness. He has never done anything but love me and support me. So I so appreciate your comments. I think you are so on target it is going to take a long time. My husband found an article written by a counselor who ended up with a mastectomy. She has counseled hundreds of women and then it happened to her. She said it takes an average of two years for a woman to come to acceptance over losing a breast. I think you are right that we may never return to how we were previously not just in our intimate life but in everything. The old me is gone replaced by someone not quite as carefree. Thanks so much
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ruthbru, how about an update on the dialator therapy? I had started using mine, but started bleeding again and wound up having surgery. So now I would need to start all over again. How are you doing with it? Have you noticed any difference with intercourse?
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DH has had a monster cold (one where you'd have to get better to die) off and on since I started....so no action in that department. I think it will make a difference though. It is slow going, but that is OK if it works.
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monandeclan, I am sorry you had to have surgery. I hope you are recovering quickly. I just wanted to let you know that I started with dialator therapy in November and for me it has helped a lot with intercourse.
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I have had no sex drive since chemo over a year ago. I am single, so it's no big deal, but I hope it comes back one day.
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Fearless_one. Get a vibrator. Seriously if you don't use it you'll lose it. There should be a good stock of them in the stores right now. Might get something on sale on the 15th.0
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I second Iago's suggestion! My boyfriend is amazing, but I met him after this purchase. And I'm not sure that I ever knew how earth-shattering an orgasm could be before "Mr. Big" (aka the Hitachi Magic Wand). You can order one through any of the sex toy sites, like Babeland:
http://store.babeland.com/vibrators-electric/hitachi-magic-wand
Their products come wrapped completely discreetly and look like any other mail package, though sometimes you have to sign for the package or pick it up at the PO. Still, no one has any idea about the contents.
~Marin
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also found on amazon.com
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Have a question, my gyn gave me a prescription for testosterone and Vatican. He tested my testosterone and it was low and I have no sex drive. But I do worry I am take I big risk with these hormones. Anyone enlighten me?
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Spell check changed Vagifem to Vatican . Hahahah!!!!
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Oh my, I suppose if you were at the Vatican you would have no need for the prescriptions! I would check with my oncologist before I did anything with hormones of any kind; especially being a hormone positive lady.
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sunshines, i have no advice to offer but had to laugh at that sneaky spell check!
to the ladies that tried and had some success (intimacy-wise) with inserting Vit E capsules, how many times a week did you do that?
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sunshines: That's funny on the spell check. I talked to my gyn last week and he recommended Vagifem and said the estrogen absorbed is such a small amount, it was ok for me to use; but he said for me to ask my onc first and I don't see him for a couple of weeks, so I don't have his take on it yet.
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Thanks ladies, the testosterone makes me more nervous than Vagifem. (onc actually told me not to use any estrogen, did not even want me to use Vagifem, others say their onc say it's ok to use. I'm so confused. I go to onc the end of march, guess I'll wait to talk to him. Sure he will tell me no...
Haven't tried vitamin e caps, may give those a try.0 -
My onc was OK with vagifem but the lowest dose 10 mg.
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My Onc and my Gyn were both OK with me using testosterone gel, which my Gyn prescribed for low libido. However, my Gyn has said she'd be reluctant to prescribe any type of vaginal estrogen, while my Onc has said it would be OK if I'd already tried other things like lubricants, replens etc...and would encourage me to use something very low dose if I had to use an estrogen product.
I've used the testosterone gel on and off, it seems to help more in the beginning. I think being on tamoxifen, a lot of my hormone production is all screwed up and that this makes it difficult for any hormones to work as well as they could.
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I'm still trying the Replens. Seems things are a little less sore but now I'm getting discharge. I'm still trying to figure out how often so the discharge reduces according to their site information. Not sure what will happen next week. I start generic Arimidex on Tuesday.0
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I tried to get the mojo this morning and it was horrible it hurt we couldn't even do anything. Today both my husband and I have been walking around in a funk....I started using Replens a few days ago hoping it would help but it didn't. Once again I am at a loss. I offered other things but he was so not into it and if you look at me I have no breasts I don't have much hair and what I do have is gray In reality it would be like doing a little old man.... What do I do now ? I am also questioning having the oopherectomy (spelling) do I take my chances with hormones in my body if they even come back .
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Tracie have you talked to your onc or gyno about this? My NP told me to use the Replens (or Rephresh) daily for a month then go down to 2x a week. If that doesn't work then check with my gyno. It can take time but I have found in about 2 weeks it did get a little better. Still giving it some more time since I have a gyno appointment set up in April anyway.
I also use Estroglide.
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lago you said you have a discharge I do as well. Are you finding it burns at all? I've been using it for about the last month, but am finding it is burning more each time. The onc was the one who suggested it to reduce the dryness I have now. Mind you I went through menapause about 5 years ago so already had dryness, but nothing like what I have now.
tracie, I so understand where you are. It has been 6 months for my hubby and I. Thank God he loves me no matter what.
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