Is anyone else an atheist with BC besides me?
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Hey Debbie -- did you blast the bible study group too? What's with those people? And those people praying for each other -- how can we have that going on!!! They should leave the site too! Yeah, Debbie -- go get 'em.
Oh dear...I don't think I (or others here) deserve to be so viciously attacked by you Debbie for exploring my feelings about mortality as I deal with and come to terms with dying from breast cancer, do I? Hmmmmm?
This a thread for like-minded women to explore their feelings without being harassed. Just like the prayer is good thread where women can pray and support each other, without being harassed.
Thanks MaryKay -- we all love those little gifts. Reminds me of a girlfriend a long time ago, when we were walking home from a night class, she pointed out all the fireflies in the bushes. It's little things like that that make me smile and feel good. Taking the time to cherish the little things.
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OH MY GOD!
Yesterday, I come back to a Bible Study, today, I come back to we "are causing shit"!
HOW DARE!!! Someone have to log into BCO & see a post about atheists!!??
Really?
REALLY?
REALLY? ATHEISTS!!!Atheists cause war & hate EVERYDAY! Note sarcasm.
Did not President Obama include us in his inauguration speech?
Did you all write him nasty little letters & ask him "HOW DARE HE!!??"
Say that about Jewish people or Muslims or any other group of religious people on BCO & you'd be banned so fast your head would spin.
Because we are a different group, be it atheist or agnostic or Pagan or just I have no damn idea, we have no right to be here? We have no right to have an area with no "Peace be with you" or "Amen" or "Jesus loves you"???
And this whole thing about moving us where we would be less seen, I take offense.
Ya gonna move the lesbians or the gay men into a dark corner so they aren't attacked?
You do know the Earth is NOT the center of the galaxy? Right?
I feel like Galileo...
Ladies, we are on house arrest via the church!!
First they burn books, then they burn people.
That's right, I said it, IF the broom fits, ride it.
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Dawn, take a deep breath. It was *my* suggestion (even though I'm new to this thread) to possibly get moved to the Support and Community section, because it seemed like a better fit than being under Newly Diagnosed.
My thought was that perhaps the people who frequent Newly Diagnosed might be, I don't know, more raw and less charitable (perhaps) in that initial phase of shock and horror that follows diagnosis. But, then again, we are getting grief from folks just because we're in the Recently Posted list at the top of the homepage.
I'm starting to wonder if I can just train myself not to see the proselytizing posts. Is my reaction to them just feeding the fire? Sigh. I think this is important. People like us need support from our own peers, people who don't depend on faith-based coping mechanisms.
I'm not sure what to do.
--Cindy
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Maybe I should eat some cake.
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Dawnn -- you're great!
Lisa -- I love your photography -- I've seen it on other threads, it's beautiful.
Cindy -- yes, this thread does seem to be in an odd place now -- not to take away from Dudess for originally posting it -- it just has grown into more.
This is a Support and Community thread -- but where? I don't think is should be at a top level -- that wouldn't be fair for other groups, religions, etc. unless they got the same real estate on the site.
A lot of us discuss spirituality, so it seems to semi-fit under Prayers and Spirituality. Now that would get some knickers in a knot, wouldn't it!
Maybe we should ask the Moderators, or just leave it alone?
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how does it happen--not just here but in so many other areas on the boards--that a great post and topic gets so bashed? This thread has gone from great open discussion....to an inquisition. I chuckled at the suggestion that we post at some of the other threads with our beliefs to cause a major ruckus. But, I know that I, nor none of you, would ever do that. Guess I can't figure out why I would even consider it, but others think it is okay to impose on where I am comfortable posting and make such a to-do over something they have no control...are they bored or so insecure???
Mainly--wanted to respond to layne re supernatural........I am a firm believer! Have experienced some things over the years that defy rationalization. I wish we were somehow gifted with the knowledge to understand our universe and all that it contains...meanwhile. we must be content with what gives us each solace.
I think some time back there waa a debate forum but all topics got so heated that the mods eliminated it. So, now debates get interjected into the most innocent of posts. s i g h !!
gentle hugggssss to all the ats; ags; and others.......
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Sorry sweet, Cindy.
I have had a LONG day. You know, tests & pokes & more pokes.
I find such intolerance infuriating. I expect Archie Bunker to pop out of the computer & tell me to get him a beer!
We should all eat cake, lots & lots of cake!
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Keep this post going! I love you women for being here. I do not post often but I read this every time that I log in to the board. It is comforting to know that I am not alone. I, for one, like the idea that it is in the newly diagnosed thread. I think that when we are newly diagnosed it is very important that we realize that there are others that are going through the same doubts with the same belief system.
When I was diagnosed, I was bombarded with prayers and well meaning christians. I live in a small southern town. I came on this board hoping to get information and support. Of course this post was not here. It would have been comforting to find that not only were other women having the same anxiety but also the same beliefs or non-beliefs as the case may be.
I consider myself a scientist, a geologist to be specific. I do not believe in an afterlife. I expect to be cremated and have my ashes absorbed into the earth. I know that I have touched others' lives usually in a positive manner, sometimes not. I have tried to live a productive life. I have tried to live with empathy and compassion. Intelligent logical thought has kept me from making some grave mistakes in my life. I hope that when I am gone that those who know me will remember me well.
I am not prepared to die. I am afraid of dying. Not because of a hereafter, but because there are so many things that are left to do. I am NED for now (congrats to all who are) but I know that my day will come. I have tried to make my peace with everyone. Some of my family are believers, some are not. I have made my peace with all of them. I never had children, so my extended family is all that I have to remember me and keep my memories.
I wish that I could offer some comfort to our sisters that are facing that day sooner than I am. I lost my best friend of over 30 yrs in 1993. Sometimes I wish that I believed in angels or ghosts and that she was here with me. Or that when I die that I will meet her there. I also try hard to make my peace with a desire to be with my beloved pets that have passed on before me. My reality is that when I close my eyes for the last time, they are closed forever.
I try to make sure that every minute that I have is spent wisely. I don't have to be particularly industrious, I just need to make sure that I am not wasting my time with people or things that do not appeal to me. If I want to watch TV all day one day;it isn't wasted; it is what I wanted to do.
I am sorry if I have not offered comfort or support, but know that you have all done that for me. I wish I knew how to reciprocate.
C
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I'm up way too late, doing computer housekeeping and catching up on this thread which I haven't visited in many months. I am so sorry to see it venture into a proselytizing launching pad. Geez, there's only how many tens of thousands of topics here at bc.org and just one little thread for atheists can't have some peace? I hope the dust settles and gets back to a supportive gathering place as it was intended. I usually hang out in the alternative section, and I know how tiresome it is when someone keeps referencing the FDA or the USDA as the end all and be all of infallible information. gimme a break.
Anyway, madalyn, I loved that revised rendition of the garden of eden story a few pages back. That version really makes more sense! lol
I've posted on this thread before, but it's been a long while. I'm sort of a mixed, uncommitted bag. I practice meditation, prayer, gratitude. Every time my old clunky truck starts, I say thank you. I've taken stabs at reading the bible and really wonder at why some of what's in there is in there. It's too tough a pill to swallow if you ask me, but bits and pieces I can handle and take to heart.
Oh, I just remembered a response I wanted to make to that ridiculous comment the hairdresser made about having cancer because you don't go to church! Say, could you go back to that hairdresser and find out what church she goes to where no one has cancer? A cancer-free church, now there's something I think I might join.
Sorry this is so long, but I do actually have a question for y'all. There is one thing going on with church community that I kind of like, and that's the volunteer work and fellowship that accompanies it. I tried master gardeners, but really, that's not much different than going to church here in south texas. Is there anything that y'all have found for volunteer work that connects you with others you feel compatible with? I think we're social creatures regardless of what religious belief we adopt and I just haven't found any opportunities that make my heart say 'hey, I'd like to get involved with that.'
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I have to say Debbie's post cracked me up, it's full of rage, intolerance and hate and she ends it: I'll pray for you, angelhugs. Delirious.
I don't believe in god or afterlife. I'm not going anywhere after I'm dead. I think heaven and hell are real but they are here in earth. I've been to heaven sometimes in my life and BC has introduced me to hell. Only thing I know for sure about the future is that it is unpredictable. I hope nobody chase us out of here. I enjoy all your posts and find a lot of compassion and wisdom and humor in them, and I need that.
Best wishes to all.
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Althea, I know a lot of volunteer opportunities are church-based (especially in south Texas! <g>) but you might think about the following:
Animal shelters often need people to help provide exercise to the dogs and cats, in addition to the basic work of cleaning up and feeding. A small local zoo might have similar needs.
History centers probably could use people who are good at filing or desktop publishing. We have graveyard tours here sometimes where people dress up as local historical figures and talk about their character's life and how things were way back when.
Nature centers also need volunteers, to help staff programs--especially those involving children. Oh and libraries often use volunteers to reshelve books, read at story times, etc.
I don't know if you have any of those types of opportunities near you. Of course, it all depends on what types of things interest you the most. I think I'd be drawn to things that might put me in contact with children, because I think they would make me laugh.
--Cindy
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You gals get up early...of course we are three hours behind the east coast.
Just wanted to add volunteer stuff..I am involved with our local museum..I do
photography, and docent things..also document acquisitions..it is alot of
fun and we have a good time...I also volunteer at our local library...
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konakat - I've been thinking about some of your posts.
I find that I gain solace from looking at the stars on a quiet night. I look at all that vastness--so big I can't comprehend it all--and I think that I am a part of all of that. When my body wears out and dies, those stars will still be shining, and I will still be a part of the vast universe--not in any form I can comprehend now, but I will be.
When my son was five, his grandfather died, and he asked what I thought was a profound question: "Does Grandpa know he's dead?" Isn't that what it's all about--wanting to know that you are still "you"? If you don't remember your life as "Jane Doe," for example, then for all intents and purposes, whether your consciousness goes on as something else or you are reincarnated, your life as "Jane Doe" is over. It's our notion of ourselves as that one particular person that we cling to and want to think goes on.
The idea that "Jane Doe" can go on forever becomes quite silly if you start thinking about it. Will it just be her consciousness of herself as Jane Doe that goes on forever--no physical body involved? Or if Jane still has a body, how young will she be? How old will she be? What stage of her life is it that will go on forever?
I grew up Mormon and was taught that families will be together forever. It's a lovely thought on its face, but if you really think about it, the logistics are mind-boggling. Mormons believe you will be resurrected in your most perfect physical form from this earthly life--so are we all going to be a bunch of 20-somethings hanging out? Will those who died as babies still be babies, or will they have gotten to grow up to be a 20-something, too? If you remarry because your first spouse died, are you all going to be together in the next life? What if your second spouse had a previous family they are going to be with? Planning family get-togethers will become a nightmare. Or will we all be in one gigantic celestial mansion? Will we need dining rooms? Bathrooms?
We go through certain stages in life, and then those stages are over. My sons are now 19 and 21. I still adore them and we are very close, but I miss when they were little boys--mine to cuddle with and take to the zoo, etc. Those times are over, and I won't experience that again unless I have grandchildren. I guess my point is that life is constantly evolving. We need to savor each moment as it happens. That is all we have.
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Hello Everyone,
I just want to say that this is my final post here. ( Now you's can give each other a big hurray! ) I just want to say that I never meant to offend, convert or be rude to anyone. I never condemned anyone or even mentioned heaven or hell. This was my first time here to this site and I truly found it interesting reading a different point of view from women facing the same disease and how they handle it.
When I posted yesterday it was to have a discussion (this is a discussion board isn't it?) Not to push anyones buttons and cause such anger. I actually thought that I could be helpful and put some insight into this. This is my first encounter with a whole group of women with different beliefs and I never imagined it would get so hostile. I think starting out that -- "Iam a christian" did me in from the get go!! I was automatically clumped in with every christian on the planet.
I do have friends who are atheist and we get along fine. Most of the time we joke about our differences. I never expected such an uproar of so many. Iam still learning in my life but I have heard about but never experienced such hatred for christians. Alot of things said about me where not even what I said! It was very enlightening for me. I also believe that everyone should do and believe what they want. I don't have a problem with that at all!
Iam dealing with bc too and I have peace and assurance and confidence in what I believe in, it is who Iam (not that you's don't, I didn't say that) but I only wanted to share. It is just my nature to share good things with my friends. And for me it IS a great thing but now I know for you's- NOT SO great. But unfortunatly it came out like I was being preachy and condemning and trying to convert everyone which I was not knowingly trying to do. I never imagined that it would be taken so badly. And nobody cares or wants to hear it. That's OK, I learned my lesson well, I won't be back. You's can keep your site private but just to clear that up I never said to go away to another site. I do respect how you's feel and I have no problems with that.
I hope everyone journey with this bc goes smooth and with good results. That is one thing that we have in common. Have a great weekend! Geri
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Good Morning, everyone.
Meg,
You are not butting in. Everyone is welcome here, we only take offense when we are told our lack of belief or that having a different belief than "the norm" is unexceptable.
Thank you for the idea on volunteering.
This quote from one of my favorite movies, pretty much sums up my feelings.
I have edited out he "BAD" word......
Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or... or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do... what do they do? They... They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions... by inhibiting our decisions, out of... out of fear of some... some intangible parent figure who... who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says... and says, "Do it - Do it and I'll f***ing' spank you."0 -
Thank you, Geri. I think that living without faith-based coping mechanisms may be a lot like having BC, in that a person can't really "get it" until they've actually experienced it. And I know we've chosen to live this way, and that no one ever chooses to get BC. I think so many of us here have faced hatred for our non-belief so often and have been preached at by so many, that it's like being poked in a very sore spot that's been poked a thousand times in the past. We're just tired of getting poked, even when it's done with the very best of intentions.
I hope your journey goes well, too.
--CindyMN
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Yes, Layne...Dogma...I was raised Roman Catholic. I took what I was told & taught as fact. Just like my times tables. Then I had SEX! And got PREGNANT!! At 20!! NOT MARRIED!
The priest I had known & loved my whole life old me I was a whore & my child would not be baptised or accepted into the church, she would spend all of eternity in purgatory because of my sin.
WHAT!!!??? What kind of fair & loving god would suffer a child for my sin?
So, I read the bible again...at that point I saw it no differently than Harry Potter. Fairy tales. I was angry & confused, I found comfort in science, in logic.
I miss the sense of community a church gives you. Especially living the life I do. My DH's work causes us to move annually, it is hard sometimes. I have even contemplated "pretending" to believe so my kids could fit in instantly & belong in each new community.
That is all very personal information & I am sure I will regret sharing it.
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Ah, Dawnn, I find the community aspects of religion very tempting sometimes. It reminds me of a T-shirt I've seen that says something like: "Luke...come to the dark side. We have cookies." LOL
Not that I'm comparing religion in general to "the dark side." (Even though sometimes it can seem that way!) I'm just glad to know I'm not the only one who's been tempted to pretend. I worry that I might succumb to a deathbed conversion, just to make things easier for my mom.
When I told her I was an atheist a decade ago, she burst into tears and the first thing she said was: "But now we won't get to be together in heaven!" It was like a knife in my heart.
--Cindy
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Heloo All- I just want to tell you all that im so very sorry for the things i said, not to make excuses, but i was on heavy pain meds last night and in terrible pain, i was crancky as all get out and that is not who im, were all human and we make mistakes, i for one did last night, i felt bad as soon as i posted it, and was going to come back then and apologise, but i couldnt till today, i know you are all caring wonderful woman with a good heart, we are all going thru the same thing right now and it breaks my heart i said what i said to my sisters, please forgive me
debbie
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Well my child will not go to purgatory but my grandson will???? I dont think so. I walked away from the church. Married a man who could care less about the church. I was married by a minister (interdominational) and did an end run around that "church" issue for my kids. My eldest understands and has no basis for any beliefs other then her own. My youngest tried to return to Roman Catholicism but hit the religion classes and ran the other way. It was how they treat women that did her in. If she was raped, it was a sin to fight back. It was a sin to have sex, raped or otherwise. So, my daughter concluded it was a sin to be a girl. Period. No pun intended. She really wanted to belong. Almost got baptized but she hit a psycholoigical snag when her mother was diagnosed with Stage 4 and she swallowed a lot of aspirin. Her catholic friends turned their back on her. Suicide is such a sin. It was a sin how they treated her too. So she walked away, too. We take a lot of beating over the head to learn.
I do believe in God. I just don't pray. God has given me nothing I asked for. I asked for a man who would return me to the church. I fell in love with one man and he wasn't close to being a religious man. And he did not beat me into believing or not believing anything. Even when I got cancer, he asked if I wanted to go to church. And I said no. God knows I am not a hypocrite.
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Althea - Volunteering - our city has a "Car Care Clinic" that is run by one of the biggest churches in town. It's geared towards single moms and low-income women in general, and basically has mechanics that check out your car, perform minor repairs, change oil and the like. My wife and I who are not only gay but pagan volunteer each year to assist. I have heard on good authority that we are respected by most people there. I LOVE the fact that people from two uber-different belief systems can come together as one and do something positive for the community. Do they know we're gay? Yup. Do they know our beliefs? Not sure, but we both wear pentacles and I KNOW they've seen those. No one preaches at us and I am sure they are trying to "minster to us through their actions not words". I love the feeling I get from this event!
Geri - I am sorry that everything got so out of hand and hostile yesterday. Your message was perceived as it was read, but without benefit of your voice, only your written word. Perhaps it would have come across differently with voice inflections etc.
Speaking for myself, I welcome questions from anyone about my beliefs and for the record the "I am a christian" didn't faze me at all. We all come from different backgrounds and the one thing we do have in common is bc, horrid bc.
I wanted to make clear that I don't hate you in particular and christians in general, even though that's how you may have perceived my posts. I celebrate diversity - I love that we are all different and believe different things.
I invite you to stick around and see what we're all about; perhaps you will learn something from us...?!
Either way, I wish you peace and all that you need to fight this beast!!
debbie - no worries...we all have bad days, myself included. The beauty is we can move on...!
Dawnn - all I can say is SHAME on the priest. I hope you aren't buying into what is obviously his issue not yours....!
To everyone...have a great weekend! Myself, I am kayaking to an island in the middle of a lake and camping under the waning moon!!!
Hugs
Peggy
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I get terribly short-tempered when I'm in pain, too, Debbie. I hope things are going better for you today. I think it took a lot of guts on your part to come back here and apologize, and I want you to know that I really appreciate it.
--CindyMN
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Debbie,
I'm glad to know it was the pain and the meds talking and not really you. We all make mistakes and deserve second chances, don't beat yourself too hard and take care...
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Hi Debbie,
Thank-you for coming back. Yeah, the pain and frustration really can wreak havoc on us! I'm sorry too for being a bit b*tchy. This disease is so hard on all of us in so many ways, sometimes we just aren't ourselves. We've all had things come out of our mouths that we wish we could just take back.
I do hope you are feeling better. Gentle hugs,
Elizabeth
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Hi Geri,
I pretty well say ditto to what Cindy/Chumfry said. I understand that your intent was to do a good thing. I think we're pretty well happy with our beliefs as you are with yours. All these different beliefs are what makes the world an interesting place. I hope you have a wonderful weekend too. Take care,
Elizabeth
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I guess I am the bitchiest bitch of all, 'cause I yelled!
In my own defense, it wasn't directed at Debbie but, the whole onslaught of holy time.
Do we really need a 2000 year old book to teach us how to live good lives? Can anyone take these words as fact when they are indeed just the word of man?
*sigh*
I don't wish to debate religion. I have already made up my mind. I only wish to learn how other ladies, who don't share in a traditional faith, find comfort, support & strength.
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Dawnn -- I've heard things like that before -- it boggles the mind how anyone can think or say such a thing about a child! A child! What is more pure and innocent? And the 2000 year book -- I think our ancestors were starting to get a handle on how to behave in a society way before then -- i.e., be polite if your neighbour's cave art really isn't that good...and it evolved from there.
Dreamwriter -- how dare they treat your daughter so callously! And have a religion demolish her self-worth. Geez, that is so wrong.
Hi Kate -- yes, I enjoy looking at the stars, the universe, wondering how we all fit in. And wow, your son's question about Grandpa really sums up the whole question about existence and consciousness.
I've often pondered physics and how we fit in. I remember 30 some years ago in high school physics the teacher asking us to visualize the 3rd dimension as 3 lines all perpendicular to each other. Yeah, duh, I thought. Then he said visualize the 4th dimension as 4 lines all perpendicular to each other -- this is time. Then imagine the 5th, 6th, etc dimensions. Ack!! Freaked me out! It was one of the few things that stuck with me in physics (no surprise I failed it in college!).
Then I took up reading Hawkings. I put it down around the part about parallel contemporaneous time dimensions. Huh, this is the "dumbed-down" layman's version of quantum physics? Then the theories on the creation of the universe. OK, some sound pretty good to me (like that is an authorative thumbs-up!), but what was before the creation of the universe? What was before nothing? What is the universe expanding into? There are so many things that I ponder as I am pondering "me".
I just can't get a handle on it. So I stick to the on-planet "recycling program" to come to peace with my existence. I'll let my sub-atomic particles carry on and take care of themselves. I've always been thoughtful about nature -- I grew up on a farm and it was all about the weather! I was such a wierd kid that my imaginary friends were animals! I'm a summer person and December 21 is one of my favourite days because the sun is coming back up to me! July 21 saddens me, it's going away.
I know, I'm meandering here -- but looking for comments, ideas, maybe direction. I was a Wiccan for a few years, or trying to be, but I wanted to do something that was more personal, more just me and my relationship with nature, sort of something just between us two girls. That I can feel OK and all set with nature, how I fit in there, I might achieve peace of mind. And after a few more diving and snorkling trips. And that I outlive my 18 year old cat -- she'd miss me and not understand why I'm gone. And outlive my Mom, I don't want her to be sad. Then I might be OK.
Thanks for reading, or scrolling over my loooong post and not letting me know. Heehee!!
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Oh my, Konakat....
I read your post & I am not letting you know.
Okay, that is not true....I am letting you know....I hear your words & I see your fears, I just don't have the answers. I am here though, across a great distance perhaps, I hope that some how you can feel me caring for you. We are in fact under the same moon
Okay, that sounds dumb, I mean well, I promise.I too am a nature girl, the Sun & Moon are what I worship most. I dare anyone on this planet to live one day with-out either of them!!
Hawking; I gained my love for his work from my father. I can grasp some concepts of a parallel universe and some quantum physics....I prefer my Witches' Almanac. I am not a witch nor have I ever practiced the craft. Although, I do believe that nature holds great powers, that everything we think we know is but the tip of the iceberg. Think about it, how long ago was it they believed the Earth was flat???
I will tell you that I fear the deep sea & even after 20 years of living in Florida, I am a dive virgin. I haven't missed a night of Shark Week though! This is random blabber, pretend like it makes sense. As logical as I claim to be, I read my horoscope everyday! I always have lavender growing by my front door regardless where I live, I take the plants with me, I never walk past a rose with-out stopping to smell it & when I look at the moon, I feel very very small, like I understand my place in this world.
I believe we all have a destiny. Meeting you was meant to be, somehow, you & I have a purpose in each others lives. I believe that in regards to each day, each moment, each choice.
I am going to stop typing now, before the little men come & wrap me back up in my white coat!!
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I just know that our earth and solar system and even the milky way are mere specks in space and time..and in the flick of a universal eye our solar system will be gone..so ...I guess we don't have to worry about making ourselves a monument...but we do have to be kind and moral beings..
I raised my three sons with no religion, but exposed them to the various beliefs and encouraged them to go to a Sunday School if they wanted to...so they went with a neighbor for a month and ditched that...but it is their decision not mine or my husband's..so now they find religions silly== one is 40 one 37 and one 35
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I've been following this topic with interest. I'm five years out from diagnosis (well, August 20 will be five years) and it's been an interesting journey. I grew up in what Christians like to call an "unchurched" family. My father, a scientist, is an atheist, my mother agnostic. I called myself an atheist in high school. Went away to college and then out into the wide world and never really thought about it again... but always felt that twinge of envy when I saw my Christian friends and how cozy and content they seem to be. Anyone else know what I mean? It's just such a nice and secure way to live because, you know, everything is taken care of as long as you follow the rules. And then when I was diagnosed, I decided I believed in God. I still do. But, I don't do the Jesus thing. I tried to convince myself that I believed all that Christian stuff, I spent the last three years going to two different churches trying to capture that security, but I finally realized I just can't believe it and what I've seen of many Christians, I don't want to be a part of it anyway. One of the churches I went to was just full of self-righteous, narrow-minded bigots, but hey they're Christians so they're good people...
I do miss being part of a group of people. I'm single, live alone, my family is 3,000 miles away, and it gets a little scary sometimes even though I'm a very independent person and a bit of a loner anyway.
Hopefully this makes some sense. It's nice to be able to talk about these things because saying them to most people gets me labeled as a heathen or a heretic...
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