Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.

[Deleted User]

Dreamer:  Im so sorry to read about your friend.  Im glad you will be surrounded by people you love in for the next few days.  Losing a breast cancer sister is the biggest sucks of all.

cmb35

Hey all,

Got to catch up and read, my but we are a busy group!

Here's my IOS for the day. Tomorrow is the Making Strides Walk in Boston. It's a pretty big day for us, as my son was 9 when I was dx, walked with friends that first year, and well, it is just very meaningful for a lot of reasons. A lot of my friends and my son's friends walk with us. It's one of the things that makes it very meaningful to me. A small group of these friends treat it as a social event. Their primary question is: "what time are we done so we can make reservations to all go out for brunch?"  Last year, this same group was over 40 mintues late. After forcing those of us that were there on time to wait for 25 minutes, I finally gave up on them and we started walking. My cell phone never stopped ringing (they were lost, they coudn't find the parking garage, where were we, would we stop and wait for them, etc.), it was completely ridiculous and really stressful. This year, they have decided that in order to not get lost, they will all meet in my driveway at 6:45am and follow me the 20 miles into downtown Boston. They have started talking about taking orders for coffee and bagels to eat/drink on the drive in, etc. On top of this, 2 of them are in a big fight as of last night. One mom and daughter are not speaking to the other mom and daughter. I am so upset and angry I could spit. Like I need this crap? I swear, I was not like this on my wedding day, I was not one of those, "I'm the bride and it's all about me" people. But I really do feel like this day, Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk day is about me, and about my son, whom I also consider to be a survivor of this blasted disease, and at the tender young age of 9 to boot. So now I am like this great big giant bitch, who is being forced to say things like, "you are welcome to meet in my driveway and follow me, but I am leaving at 6:45am, and I am not waiting for anyway, nor will I have my cell phone on, so if you get lost while following me for 20 miles into the city of Boston, you are on your own." And, "You know, I really can't be concerned about what time I'll be done walking in order to make lunch plans. And I can't tell you when you will be done so that you can go to lunch. If you want to go out to brunch, I suggest you just do that, and not try to squeeze in the walk beforehand."

Oh my god I'm so pissed off about this and I really need to just get right over it but I am in that sort of unreasonably angry place right now you know?

Phew! Thanks for listening, and sorry for being such a whiner!

cmb35

Whoops, forgot to say a big that sucks to all.

dreamwriter

We live in Toronto Canada.  The first time the CIBC Run for the Cure came up, my daughter had trouble finding 10 friends to put on the team list... she already had collected the money for them.  We finally put my grandson's name in - he was just over a year old.  To be fair, he was there all 5km in his stroller.  The last little bit, he got out and walked, and therefore crossed the finish line.  I bought pink shoelaces for all the participants.  I walked the 1km with one of my Girl Guides.  It was, I think, all about my daughter and her attempt to cope with the diagnosis.  Last year, she and my godson ran together and I volunteered (registration - sitting job).  I would this year..... but I am flying to Vegas. 

Today is a Big Big Sux day..... but I will get through it.  And I have friends there to help! 

Traci-----TripNeg

((((((((((Dream)))))))))))) Sorry about your friend girl.

cmb35......I'm sitting here thinking.....I know her name....but, if I did, it's gone. I am happy to know that I am not the only "great big giant bitch" on this site!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!! I feel better too!

My sis (not the one I always talk about) this is my middle sis that moved to TX with me....well, she moved back to FL. My house is now very, very quite. Not that she was here that much...she's a go, go, go kinda gal and while I used to be like that, I'm not anymore. But boy, it sure is quiet now. Just me and my cat Dallas.

Thank God it's football season.

I'm going to get a ticket to go home for Thanksgiving. I'm going to Atlanta first to see my lil sis (the one I always talk about) and she wants me to go see the PS that fixed her. I feel so.....I don't know....I hate my implants.....but, I just don't want to go under the knife again you know...?

I don't know.....everything sucks.

Except you guys. Thank God for my friends here.

Hugs, Traci

ps Sorry for everybody going through so much more real sh*t than I currently am.

GramE

((( Bliss )))  try adding saline to help dilute as you get infused.  It helped me a LOT and last time they did not add it when the herceptin was started - stomach cramps and chills - so then they did add the saline...   And drink, drink while getting the infusion.   I did not mean to criticize, I apologize and I DO understand how uncomfortable just being in a hospital setting is.   

Every once in a while I get a panic attack when I enter the hospital and have to stop and do some deep breathing.  My husband died in trauma ICU and we had many visits to the ER before he got to that stage.    The ambulance crew knew us by our first names...   And I do not want my son to have to go thru another bed side vigil with me.   

((( Dream ))) sorry about your friend.  We all do the best we know how at the time and I am sure she knew you were thinking of her.  

(((( Deb )))) I am so glad to see your name and hear that things are improving.  

(((( wish )))) dang pain - go away and stay away.

((( cmb )))) yes, not only does the patient "get cancer", the entire family does and (((( your son ))) Dang people who have to spoil it for others - it IS about you and your son, so forget about them and let them eat, drink and get lost on their own.

(((( all of you )))) gentle hugs, smilies, peace and Blessings.   Nancy 

P.S.  I posted this site before, but will repeat:   you can light a candle and put a short message - the candle burns for 48 hours online:    www.gratefulness.org    ( one L, two S) 

GramE

For icky stomach:  try microwave hot pack or hot water bottle - felt good when my stomach was fluttery and bloated.   

Bliss

{{{Nancy}}} please don't worry.  I took it as very good advice I should have been thinking myself, but I am too used to pain with the MS and sometimes downplay something that turns out to be serious or unrelated to the MS.  I was thinking more about getting the Taxol infused with morphine .

I was not able to eat or drink much because I was so nauseous.  So I think we will definitely have to add more fluids during infusion.  Someone else had the good idea to have additional fluids infused when I return the next day for the Neulasta shot since I was still unable to eat or drink the next day.  (The non eating part doesn't worry me much - I want to lose weight.)  The fluids are necessary though, and hard to get down when nauseous.  Sprite, Ginger Ale don't work, although I did manage to get a sugar free popsicle down.   I could eat and drink by the 3rd day some and that has gotten more normal each day.

I will definitely be talking to my oncologist tomorrow.  I had some hydrocodone on hand, and 2 of those doesn't even touch this bone pain.  I'm going to need something stronger.  Hopefully the pain will let up and not last the entire 2 weeks until my next infusion. My toes seem to be less numb.  I normally have a high pain tolerance because of all the daily MS pain.  How do you gals cope who have bone mets and pain from that all the time?

I'm sorry to be taking up so much space with my whining, but I am sleep deprived, in pain and no one understands like you guys.   To everyone - I have read your posts and raised a big THAT SUX for those in pain, turmoil or being taken advantage of by "friends."  My mind is too exhausted by the pain to do justice to each one separately.  Please forgive me, it doesn't mean I don't read and care about what is going on with you.  I think about you when I am here, and when I am offline doing something else.  You guys are the best.

Love to all,

~Bliss

GramE

((( Bliss )))) this IS the place to moan, whine, stomp, bitch and growl.   

I know that fluids can taste like crap - can you suck on ice chips?  Apple juice?  Eat something light before your infusion - I have munched on rice krispies out of the box, yogurt, apple sauce, soda crackers.  Find a hard candy  that you like and smash into small pieces and suck on it.   I had loved cranberry juice pre chemo, but now it tastes like the bottom of a dumpster.   

Do you get pepcid with your chemo - I do?  But, seriously, adding saline could do the trick -- it will NOT hurt.   Keep in mind that tea and coffee do dehydrate.

Enuf of my rambling - THAT SUCKS for all who need it.   

wishiwere

Eby has some real fruit popsicles that tasted good during chemo. Although I'm sure they are high in sugar, can't remember if you said you were diabetic or not, sorry if you are.  I know putting chocolate in milk helped keep up with drinking that, b/c milk smelled sour to me.  My smeller was way off during off chemo, more so than my taste buds. Nothing smelled good.

Traci-----TripNeg

Bliss, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I remember the bone pain I had with Taxotere and I am sure, it is nothing like what you are going through. I am so sorry.....

Hugs everybody. I've actually had a pretty decent day and, I'm trying to ween myself off Xanax. I can't remember the last time I took one. (Although, that's not saying much. )

sueper13

THAT ALL SUCKS!

Now, listen to my crap: I am once again just dog.ass.tired.....5 more rads to go.  My rad onc told me at the beginning she wanted me to do 28, but she might let me stop at 25.  Tuesday is 25...trying not to get my hopes up..

SIL is here to help me thru the last week of rads...great to see her but she talks all the time. Love that woman, but 30 seconds of silence has become my new best friend.

Hope everyone has a good night with NO hot flashes/meltdowns or other IOSs

Love,

Sue 

GramE

My IOS - old time friend phoned me yesterday and asked how are you.  Before I could say OK, she starts in on her one son - blah blah blah, other son  -  more blah, daughter - more - never let me get a word in edgewise.   Nothing but complaints about her kids and her niece.   She often does this to me and I was not in the mood to "be there" for her even though her complaints are minor in comparison to getting ready for my surgery consult and decision.  

Am I being selfish about wanting someone to listen to ME and my IOS?     Living alone is the pits when I need or want someone to talk with or vent to ,so dear ladies, you get the brunt of my frustrations.   Thanks for "listening".   My issues are not as bad as many of yours, but being there and knowing this is one tough road to travel has helped me keep some things in perspective. 

I was reading about parabens and checked the lotions and cosmetics I have here... very interesting - another thing to worry about...

Thanks again - HUGS,   Nancy 

SherriM

Morning everyone...

Finally caught up on all the posts....I worked on Friday and then dd the elder arrived on Saturday, so I've been reading a little here and there when I can but haven't posted.

THAT SUCKS to all in need....I can't address each one right now, but I did take notes as I was going through the posts and I'll be praying even though I won't be posting much this week.  (dd will be here all week)

So, no IOS so far....should be hearing on my bone scan and x-ray today.....not sure I want to--don't really want bad news with pregnant dd here, but then again, it might be good news! 

Speaking of pregnant dd--my SOI for the weekend, got to feel the baby move.  WooooHoooo!

Hope all of you in Vegas are kicking @ss!!

Love ya all,

Sherri

cmb35

Bliss - no worries, we all get it that this is (for most of us) the one place where we can go and just tell it like it is and not "be strong/positive"  I'm not a soda-drinker, but I was able to drink ice-cold Coke for some reason. I recently found a little bottle of ginger syrup in Whole Foods. You put a teaspoon of it in cold sparkling water to make a "ginger ale" or hot water to make tea. I got it for my son who's had an upset stomach for weeks (hand, foot, mouth as it turns out, how nice!) and he seems to like it. It's ginger-y without being sweet.

A big that sucks to everyone else.

My SOI is that the Making Strides Walk was yesterday, and it was a beautiful day and I enjoyed it. (I'm sure I will in the future, but right now I will not discuss the shenanigans that went on in my driveway at 7am, which resulted in me bursting into tears! LOL)

Harley44

Hey ya'll,

Hope everyone is having more SOIs than IOSs!!  

I just got home from Cocoa Beach a couple of hours ago.  We had some dinner, and are catching up with friends on the phone, and I am trying to get caught up here...  only I'll just have to say a HUGE  THAT SUCKS to all ya'll!!  I will try to get all caught up later.

Oh, and yes, I love living here in NC, near the beach,  too!!

I go see my surgeon tomorrow, for the u/s results.   I'll try to catch up later....

Deb C.-

So glad to see you posting here, and I hope that means that you are feeling better!!  Good to see you again!!

HUGS

Harley

Bliss

{{{Harley}}}my thoughts and prayers are with you for tomorrow's results.

 Hugs,

~Bliss

wishiwere

Traci, good luck with dropping the xanax..  Just send it this way, k?   Is it hard to get off that?  Or have you used it regularly? I was thinking of asking for a script to get through some crap I'm having attacks over... maybe I shouldn't huh?

Sue, so sorry it's busy (yakker and all) at your place.  Hoping you get a reprieve after tomorrow on those tx!

Lefty, Is sooooooooo okay to use us to rant to!  That 'freind' sounds awfully needy and one sided in her support.  I HAD one like til this BC dx. She's long gone now, as I finally didn't allow her that time to unload.  It was my time and I needed to unload and she wasn't available for that, so i ended it.  Just didn't answer her calls now.  Sad, but reality is, a friend in need should be available when a friend needs it reciprocated.  I hope that makes sense ;>

Sherri! How cool feeling that baby move!  My dd is in N.C. with #3 and it's oh so hard to be missing all that   Good luck with your results!  Did you hear from them today?

CMB, glad you had a great day for the walk!  Waiting on the report of shenanigans!

Harley!  Hope to hear about YOUR shenanigans in the southern reaches!  Did ya have a great time!   Good luck tomorrow lady!  We're keeping the B9 chant going!

cmb35

Ladies,

Good non-sucky morning!

Traci - Good luck with the xanax, I think my sis did pretty well getting off it (though she has an emergency supply in her house just in case!)

Sue - I so know that torture! I think I've said, "for the love of God!" more in the last 3 years than I have in my entire life - generally about someone who is just oblivious (God bless them - my other big one, that I say so as to prevent myself from saying something more along the lines of, "you stupid idiot!"

Lefty - like many have realized before, you can never predict who's going to step up and who's gong to step out. I was amazed by my best friend's behavior (still not back to the relationship we had pre-cancer, and don't think we'll ever be) and by the behavior of some folks that I really just considered "school friends" or acquantinces (how the heck do you spell that?!?!?)

Sherri and Harley - good results today OK? I'll accept nothing less!

Sue - what happened with the rads? Hate the crazily tired no amount of sleep will make you feel less tired feeling

Wish - OK - you ready? Strap on your seatbelts ladies, this is going to be one crazed rant...

LADIES - YOU DON'T EVEN REALLY NEED TO READ THIS! LOL  I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER JUST FROM HAVING TYPED IT

The Boston Making Strides Walk is a huge one (I'm not sure why?) in any event, well over 30,000 people walk along the Charles River in Boston, starting and ending at the Hatch Shell. It's sort of a famous place, many events are held there, including the Boston Pops July 4th concert that is typically on TV every year. So, again, sort of a well-known place, particularly if I don't know, you live in MA!!! The walk happens to be a very big deal for me, because my son first walked it with friends when he was 9, while I was home out of my mind on narcotics to try to numb the "less than 5% experience severe bone/nerve pain" SE from the taxol. In a nutshell, he has gotten a lot of attention from his participation in the walk, and I can truly say that our association with it has changed this nightmare of an experience for my son. Like I said, it's very crowded, so we meet early and walk early. Last year, there was one group of friends that were late, very late. Because I'm an idiot, I kept the 15 or so folks that showed up on time waiting, finally left 45 mins later without the group there yet. My cell phone never stopped ringing, and basically it was incredibly stressful. This year, I promised myself this would not happen again. There would be no waiting for anyone who was late. I made this VERY CLEAR.

This year, this same group decides they are going to meet in my driveway and follow me the 20 miles into Boston so they don't get lost. (Please refer back to the long-winded intro about how famous a f@*$ing landmark this place is.) I say, "that's fine, but I'm leaving at 6:45am and I'm not waiting for anyone." Then, because I know better, I print out maps, handwrite directions from our town to the parking garage, and from the parking garage to the Hatch Shell. I hand them to the people who show up in my driveway and say, "in case we get separated as we drive through our town, 20 miles on the highway, and then through the streets of Boston." One woman called the day before. I've met her in person once. She is a friend of this group of friends. She tells me that she is also meeting in my driveway, and it's just her and her daughter, and her car fits 8. She's happy to take me, my son and his 2 friends. I make it very clear to her that I must leave on time, and that I want to stay at the Hatch Shell for as long as I want. I said, "really think about whether you want to drive together, because I want to be able to do what I want to do, and we are oftentimes asked to do press after the walk, and I can't control that, etc." No problem she says.

She shows up 5 minutes late (OK whatever), my son and I get in her car and she says, "OK, I just have to stop and get gas."

I am speechless. I stare at her in amazement. We are driving the 3 minutes to the first kid I need to pick up. I look in the backseat and see 1 row of seats. I say, "I thought your car could seat 8?" She says, "Oh, I just need to set those seats up."

Again, just stare at her, astounded. I go to get my son's friend, who is like a daughter to me. She doesn't have her shoes on. I smack her (just kidding :-) We get outside after A wanders around her house for 5 minutes looking for her shoes (smacked her again :-) and they are standing in the street, trying to get the seats up, to no avail. The other friends in the other car are now getting out of their car, trying to figure out how we can split people between the 2 cars differently. Steam starts to come out of my ears.

I look at her and say, "we don't have time for this, do you have enough gas to get into Boston?" She says, "yes, that's fine." We get back in her car, and I'm thinking, how am I going to drive for 30 minutes sitting next to this woman that I don't know yet want to punch really hard in the head? I say to her, "are you very sure that you have enough gas to make it into Boston?" She says, "no, I don't think so."

I swear to God I am not making this up.

At this point I tell her to turn around and bring me back to my house. We set off again, now 15 mins behind schedule, to pick up the other friend. Her mom comes out (a very good friend of mine), takes one look at my face and says, "what happened?" I burst into hysterics. (As she told me later, she has never seen me cry. Not once, not one time during 8 months of treatment for cancer has she seen me cry.) Scared the crap out of the kids. Started off the walk on a really nice note!

The good news - when my cell phone started ringing at 7:55am, I never once answered it.

So, despite the fact that I feel like the most ungrateful bitch in the world that I'm complaining about people showing their support for me by walking. As my sister said, "if their support causes you that much work and stress, you don't need it."

OK, this probably exceeds the alloted space for a post. And really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal. It's more my problem that I let stuff like that get to me. I should just not care. But all that being said, I can't even tell you how much better I feel that I have just whined and bitched and complained about somebody trying to do something nice for me. And that is pretty much the beauty of this place, and of every single one of you.

xo,

Colleen

cmb35

I forgot to tell you the best part! She has a business that has something to do with selling used prom dresses, and some of the proceeds go to some breast cancer research organization. I don't really know what. When she called me the day before she asked me if she could pass out literature about her business at the walk. I said, "wow, that's funny you said that, I never noticed it before, but this year the walk info included a statement to the effect that no signs, brochures, etc. can be posted or distributed along the walk route." You ladies are too smart not to see where this is going... Yup, she was passing out brochures and business cards to the people walking on my team!

Un-f@*king-believable!

wishiwere

OMGOSH!  Colleen, I so felt the anger with and for you reading that!  What a fiasco for certain!  One you don't need/want/ or ever have to repeat again!  I'm so so sorry you had to endure the stupidity of 'supporters' who obviously are not very good at being on time for an event that is planned so far in advance!  Takes the good feeling away and that's not good at all!

I hope you've recouped and are feeling better about you and your's sons time at the walk!  Did you have fun after all?

wishiwere

Omy!  Shameful people....reminds me of the garlic bread in the freezer isle that had pink ribbons and packaging!  UGH!!!!!!!!

shari1232

Colleen, I was having stomach-churning empathy whilst reading your post.  GR.  Have a great day!

cmb35

Pink ribbon garlic bread, I have no response to that!

Yes, I actually did have a really good time, although it was a little hard to have to look at that woman, I mostly tried to stay away from her, which wasn't hard. I'm angry that there had to be any mania at all, and I don't like feeling guilty about being a bitch (but really, I have no one but my Irish Catholic mother and myself to blame for that :-), but I did not let it effect me the way it did last year. I more tried to just laugh it off.

Next year though, will be mania-free. Hopefully gas prices will be more reasonable then, and I won't allow environmental guilt allow me to carpool. Had I simply said no to her offer to carpool none of it would have happened.

And my IOS for the day is, I hate the fact that no matter how positive I am, that vicious little voice in my head says, "assuming there is a next year for you..."

not enough swear words in the world to preface it - cancer!

SherriM

Morning ladies!

Colleen, I'm so glad you shared that....some people are just so clueless it's down right pathetic and so it's no wonder you were driven to hysteria.  How could she insist on driving and then come so ill prepared?  I wanted to punch her in the head for you.  I'm so sorry this special day started out on such a note for you...and good for you for not answering your cell phone!! 

One of the beauties of this place is that we can vent and whine and complain and no one says or even thinks it's trivial!!  It all matters.

Traci, weaning off Xanax is the best way....my dm went cold turkey off of Valium and got very very sick.  I don't know if Xanax is the same way when you stop taking it, but I still think you're wise to wean....

Sue, being a 'died in the wool' introvert, I feel your pain about the constant chatter.  Sensory overload SUCKS.

 Nancy, I'm sorry about your friend.  It sucks when "friends" think it's all about them....but we love you and we're here for you!!  Ditto what I said to Colleen, above.  Keep us posted about your surger consult and decision re: surgery.

Bliss--OMG that just all SUCKS!!  I'm so sorry you're in such pain!  Pain SUCKS!  MS SUCKS!  Cancer SUCKS!  When do you have you're next tx?  Will be double-duty praying for you and easing of se's.

Harley--welcome back--sounds like you had an awesome time. Thinking of/praying for you today re: U/S results....keep us posted!

Wish--Ain't it awful being away from dd's and dgb's?  I have one pg dd in Denver and one in Jacksonville FL, they're due 6 weeks apart.  They call every day and are really good about sending pics and ultrasounds, etc, but damn I wish I could be with them!  Distance SUCKS!  Also, I'm sorry for whatever you're having to deal with that makes you want to ask for Xanax...whatever it is I'm sure it SUCKS!  (You may have told us, but chemo brain prevents me from recalling.....)  And BTW--did you start your new job yet?

No IOS's for me today....dd is still here but sleeping in, so I had time to post.  

My SOI--scans came back clear!!  Breathing a sigh of relief....

Hope I've not missed anyone, and if I have, I'm sorry and IT SUCKS!

Wishing an IOS free and SOI filled day to all!!

Sherri

wishiwere

Sherri!  YEAH on the scans!  Great news! 

Harley, please check in when you can sweet lady!  Waiting to hear how your appt went also!

Have the bestest of days ladies!

prayrv

WARNING - Pity party rant

Why is it that I don't belong?  I feel like I don't belong in any the forums here sometimes.  I was orginally dx'd with DCIS (with my little A cup and the fact it was 8cm x 5cm x 4cm) had mast with immediate reconstruction.  Found out in path 8mm invasive.  Boy was my plastic surgeon happy - had to have rads.  Because of my OncotypDX score, I was able to forego chemo.  Now here's where I start to feel sorry for myself.  Do I belong with dcis, idc or what?!!!  It just seems that no matter where I post, I'm ignored or blown off (like I said pity rant).  I know that's not the case but lately I feel as if no one cares because I got off easy.  The women here are so wonderfu and so brave and I sit here thinking I'm such a baby and crying about why I am here.  The thing is, my suckage today is that I'm feeling this way.  SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS!!!!!!!!

OK Pity rant over.

Gentle hugs,

Trish

shari1232

You've had a rough time of it.  No one can take that away from you, although I know we all wish someone could take the rough times away...  What KIND, how BIG, your TX, whoTF cares... in terms of where you "belong."  You belong where you feel you are wanted and needed and where you get a feeling of warmth.  But you know that.  Rant away!!!!  You're a part of the club NO ONE wants to belong to... on a board that is mostly incredibly caring and supportive.  Hang in there.

cmb35

((((Trish))))) I am overly emotional today, and your post just about made me cry. I can tell you that in no uncertain terms we don't give a flying sweet one what your original dx, treatment, or current mental state is, you are welcome on this thread.

Know what, I'm going to continue this, but I'm sending this right now just in case you're sitting there sniffling on your keyboard.

(((((((((((((((TRISH)))))))))))))))))

(OK, I tried to make that really big and a color, but I am technologically impaired, so use your imagination...)

cmb35

OK, so first of all, I'm right there with you on the lack of boobage. It's the ultimate irony that I got breast cancer, since I have no breasts. And BTW, you know you bra manufacturers that do make adult bras in our size, while I do thank you, can you think before you name the size NA?!?!? I know it stands for "Nearly A" but really? NA? Really?

In any event, I digress, that's my specialty quite frankly. I was dx with IDC, but years later when poring over my path report for a little light reading, I saw mention of DCIS. Huh? I "only" had a lump, chemo and rads. Most of the women I hear about with DCIS have a mast. Huh? and WTF? combined. (WTHuhF?) Do you know till this day I have STILL not asked my onc about it?

Why am I talking about this? Oh, because you were DCIS, but then found out you had IDC. Sheesh, it's hard to keep me focused! Here's my opinion (FWIW), cancer is cancer, and while the different types and stages of bc have different mental and physical torment associated with them, ultimately, we all have breast cancer, and that's why we're here.

You go ahead and have yourself a good rant and cry if you like, and when you're ready, there are a lot of women here with some pretty tough boot straps (like me for example ;-) and you know they'll be willing to loan you a pair until you can get back in the saddle again. (Ludicrous cowboy anaologies officially done now. Sorry.)