Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Mostly I dislike the happy cheering on in the background.
Barbe- I so agree---how do we go about speaking or whatever about the real face of, or the new face of advanced bc? Why is no one doing any thing? How can WE do something? Any Ideas? Anyone else interested in doing something?
Hugs and prayers to all in need tonight
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Dream, I like the way you face things matter of factly. I am sorry you're going through this, though. I'm a realist, too, but I must admit I cry my heart out at times, as well. Of course, I am not stage four, so I do not really know how you feel. I do know that I love you and that you are a wonderful woman and I'm glad you're my friend.
I hope you can feel this warm hug coming your way.
With prayers,
Miss S
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I am thinking of you Dream, it's not your time yet.
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DDDDDDDDDDDDDDarn cancer! That really suxs.
Dream, you aren't allowed to have any more progression. Mr. Flash and I have decreed it. (LOL) Besides, we have to have you and Sally on the trips to make it more fun.
Hugs to everyone
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(((Dream))) I read your post 4 times and you know what? I like the way you think. I've been thinking a lot about my mortality lately. Someone gave me a business card a few weeks ago at lunch. On the back of the card it says "It is what it is."
That little message really had a profound effect on me. It is what it is. We can fight it, we can cry, we can feel sorry for ourselves and our families, we can say why me, we can be scared....but in the end, it is what it is.
In thinking about my mortality, I've also thought about all the girls we've lost on this site and, my Dad, my Grandma, my Grandpa, the mother of my nephews, my best friends twin sister and too many others I have known that have passed away. They did it and those of us they left behind, survived. It sucks to think about dying so young but....it is what it is. Shitty attitude? Maybe.
Love you girl. I don't know you but, I love you. Call me anytime if you want to talk to someone that has a worse attitude than you!!! ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
Acheing, welcome to the bitch thread; where you can bitch about life without reprecussions. (sp? How does that freaking spell check work?????)
Hi Navy. Thanks for the shout out.
I hope everybody has a suckless Saturday.
Hugs, Traci
PS I just realized I already told you the "it is what it is" story, but I'm not gonna delete it.
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I like that Traci----it is what it is! YUP! That is the truth.
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I feel like shit posting that post and then reading about CalGal and Twink.
What a shitty, sucky, nasty, horrible day! So much for hoping for a suckless day. See what I mean??????? No matter what we freaking do.............we have no F*ING say in the matter!!!!!!!
I'm so sick of the crap I could just SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it my imagination or did last February suck too????? God, I wish I would have contacted Twink....we talked via PM about meeting each other cuz we moved to Dallas at the same time. But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my F*ing chemo brain won't let me remember to do Jack!!
We don't deserve this.
Edited to add....last year between Feb & Mar we lost 6 sisters.
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Dream - Don't worry about writing you off yet!! We need you to keep us laughing!
However, big crap to your news.
Susan
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Dream. Crappy news sucks..........BIG TIME.
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Traci, it seems this time of year is a really bad time when it comes to losing people. I'm not sure what it is about Jan & Feb but they really suck! This is my 3rd Jan & Feb here and I seem to remember alot of people passing then. I guess it's good I'm still here but I can't stand losing all my friends that I have grown to love!
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Dream,
I love your 'tude, but my heart is breaking anyway. But there's that line I always liked from that old Carly Simon song, "Don't mind while I fall apart. There's more room in a broken heart."
Am I permitted to sniffle a bit??
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Sorry about my rant girls.
(((((((((Dream))))))))))
Kathi, yes you can sniffle. I was bawling my eyes out earlier!!!
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It is what is what was it when it was what is was and it is tis what will be will be...the future will see, if it is what it is when is it will be and if it is not what it is then wtf?
Thanks for the it-isms...needed that, Traci. I'm still spinning over Angel of Valentine's Day, my sister died last Valentine's Day. Looking over the Angel list, I am overwhelmed at the number of Triple Negative's taking the Lion's Share of Angel Space.
So, heck, what is it anyway? Dumb bad-luck? Izzzed Out.
Love,
Indi
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If you want to cry... read Tuesdays with Morrie.... and it is about dying.
Part of my backbone came from an adoptive Mother (parental unit) who insisted that you never show weakness. Sickness was weakness. I had the best attendance record from grade one to grade 12. I ran track to please the Father. Who I think actually may have loved me but feared his wife.
David is wonderfully supportive with several dive bomb problems that we had to work out. He learning that the sky does not fall if I have my own bank account, or travel, or send out 120 Christmas cards. It does piss him off when I get back tons of Christmas cards, valentines and inbetween cards. I think he thinks that I think they care more than he does. The sky will not fall and I will still love him.
Then there are the girls, Shayna and Allison. If I complain, wimp, whine, they worry. Are they losing their mother. What about my grandson? Will I not be there for him? And they forget that it is their duty to carry that torch.
But yes life is good. I read, sew and visit the hospital. I am not losing weight - but not gaining either. I slop gravy on my shirt. I cry. And I am still here to kick butt. I am not used to being sick or acknowledging that I am sick. But I am learning. Too bad I use you to practice......
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This should be # 1000 post for me. Am I being too obsessive/compulsive about breast cancer? I check out many threads for information, inspiration, the good and the bad, happy and sad --- and to see if there is somewhere I can give a kind word or prayer for support. I cry and laugh with you ladies and I DO KNOW some, if not all of what you are feeling.
As far as thinking about my mortality... even without Breast Cancer, I am not going to be here forever. It may be that I have noticed how many people are dying and have paid more attention to my family and friends; therefore, I have heard of many who are no longer here on this earth. It saddens me to know and realize that none of us will known when and how -- not that that makes it better.
I am trying to look at the cup being half FULL, instead of half empty, but as you all know, it is not all happy and good and sunny and pleasant -- or easy. Those days when I plod along, taking one breath at a time and one foot in front of the other -- they too will pass. I think there is a quote or saying about there has to be the bad to understand and appreciate the good things in life.
I do not dismiss the belief in God and the hereafter, but I keep that as a personal and private part of my life. It gives me an inner strength and comfort most days and nights. I pray for each of you and I hope you will also pray for me. I have been blessed in many ways, especially to have found YOU as my friend. LOVE and BLESSINGS, Nancy
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Nancy - I just heard the engineering answer to the glass half empty quote...it's not whether the glass is half full or half empty - the glass is not the correct size!
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I would like to say hello to everyone and thank you for your kind welcome. My first instinct was to send hugs, but I see I should really be saying THIS SUCKS!
Dreamer you are right and have an incredible memory. I did go to the chat but didn't last long because it went way too fast for me. You are such an inspiration to others. I wanted you to know that.
Traci thank you for the welcome. After reading here, I realize I don't have that much going on that sucks right now. Snow, we have snow, which is so minor in comparison to what so many of you are going through. I work 2 jobs so you won't see me much, but I'm glad I found this place for when I am at home and looking for a place to sit down and talk.
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Lefty.....This reminds me of my favorite poem.
I shall pass through this world but once any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness that I can show, let me do it now, let me not deffer or neglect for I shall not pass this way again.
Achi....This is a great dump yard for your crap when it does happen. Welcome.
Dream......((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))
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During church this morning I stood up during worship to give thanks for all the Lord has done for me and ask for prayer during my surgery this week. Half way thought talking, I started talking about my sister who just started chemo and my sister who didn't make the battle, and I started crying and sobbing while I was talking. I felt so stupid but couldn't stop. I know I should be happy that I am moving one step closer to being done, but at the same time, my sister is starting chemo and my baby sister had reconstruction and then mast. to the liver. I am so afraid that one of the remaining of us will not make it either. I told my sister that I don't want to be the last one here, but I know I am not ready to die. Cancer really sucks.
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Oh, Pinky - you have every reason to sob. It's difficult to understand how you could remain happy under your circumstances.
Easy for me to say, but do try to focus on your love and support for each other. Your sisters are so fortunate to have such a caring sis. I wish I had words to make you feel better.
I do have thoughts and hugs to offer,
Susan
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Pinky, its ok to cry, we have to let these emotions out somewhere and you felt like you were in a safe environment.
Dream - you are the greatest, sending you good wishes
For my bitch, can anyone say DIL!!! My son is in Ohio, got in late last night and wants to get his boys. The ex doesn't want to let him take them but he can visit them at her house. I am still awaiting his call to see what is happening!!! UGH!!!!
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This should be my 500th post.
I joined the chat Feb 2008, and have had a second family ever since. There is so much support and it is so good to have a place to vent. I will face the radiation - will they give me the honey stuff I saw at WalMart yesterday. It was really good. Smells though. And $25 for a jar...wowhee
Thanks for being here for me.... and letting me cry out in anger, whine like a whipped pooch, and just howl at the moon for no particular reason.
PinkyLee if you didnt cry.... you would not be human. And you are truly human. I hope there were arms to surround you. We love and we miss the ones that we loved and watched fade away. I had my first wound with Jacqueline, then hshi passed and I didnt know... sent her a Christmas Card and her husband emailed me in January. My heart has been lifted and my heart has been heavy. In a world constructed only of words. Words that convey the humanity that lives here.
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Pinky...hwere better to cryt han at church with those who love you and care about you. LuAnn......you want some of us bc sisters to come over and beat up said DIL?????
Hope all you have good weeks ahead.
I am tired of people who never talked to ne before , now coming up to me becasue they want to know all about how I am feeling. Not that it is bad to be surrounded by people, but I hate those who only want to hear how bad it is, or how many times I puked, how how awful my .......... You know what I mean!
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Pinky, I posted on my blog yesterday about needing a good cry every now & then. And how wonderful, actually, that you felt you could share what you did in church. You gave your fellow parishioners a great gift of heart, believe me. I'm sure everyone was touched by what you shared.
That's what's so da** hard about this disease. We all know we're mortal, but this disease keeps that fact front and center all the time. It can point us to a way to live with a very Zen awareness, but it's also really, really tiring and requires a lot of spiritual strength.
lovinmomma, that's one of the reasons I started blogging, to make another place where I could be honest. Readers know they're gonna get the good, the bad & the ugly, as well as my noir humor. If they don't like it, they don't have to read it.
Hugs to all.
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Ah, I go away for a couple of days and all sucky breaks loose.
Dream. you fight and you win and you live. What can I say? We are all born and eventually we go. It is up to those left to carry on - that torch of which you speak. Sounds like you're doing a heck of a lot of living right now. Progression. Sucky word that shouldn't be. We progress and it's all good. Why did they make it bad in cancer? Anyway, like my sis says (her husband's friend had bladder cancer), we'll make you a new one out of a ziplock bag and a straw. No diapers for you my friend!
LuAnn. There is a special place in hell reserved for creatures like your DIL. nuff said.
lovinmamma - people like that...puke on their feet. Geesh.
Pinky (((((hugs))))))
Traci - as a mom, one of my long-time sayings to the girls is "it is what it is and you don't throw a fit". There are things in this life we can change, and even more that we cannot. When I was waiting this past summer and fall after the bad MRI, I kept saying to husband and girls - I can't do anything about it. I wasn't happy by any stretch, but worrying wasn't going to change the outcome. It was going to be something. I needed to focus on the after. I have the risk that this thing will come back. terrifies me, but I'm not at the place to do more than I have. It is what it is.
Achieng - when you feel the suckiness, come by and say so. Sometimes things are good, sometimes they aren't. Having the place to say "it sucks" makes it for me. There are things I think about writing, but don't (too public), but just thinking about it makes it better.
As for me. Took #1 daughter to the university she will attend in the fall. That girl....in for a rude awakening. Wahwahwah. How do 18 y.o. cry at the drop of a hat about NOTHING? Why won't she fill in the damn scholarship apps? less than 4 months til she is out of HS. She needs to understand that once you're 18, it's different. they treat you like you're adult in too many things...things that will affect you for decades.
Ran 5 mi. today. In training for a 1/2 marathon. Not doing it for any charity - I hate seeing those 3 day walk things on tv. If I raised $2500, it wouldn't be so I could walk 60 miles. I'd pay my $120 to run the 1/2 and donate the rest. to something that will make a difference. Cancer sucks. And no cures sucks more.
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I hate to say it, but I hate the expression "It is what it is". It sounds so fatalistic and defeating to me. I know a lot of people who live by it, including a man at work who had prostate cancer and tried to convince me to live by that. But I think if I lived like that I'd lie down and die. It makes me feel like I can't do anything about it or help myself in any way. Just sort of stand-by and watch. I know we can't defeat the cancer by positive thinking, but at least we have some control over going to appointments, chosing options, etc.
I can imagine crashing up the car and coming home and saying to my husband "It is what it is" and then going and making a cup of tea. I don't think that'd go down too well. Or not paying my mortage and telling the same thing to the bank. It reminds me of the phrase "Whatever". Usually said with a big sigh.
I prefer "Whether it is good or bad, it will change."
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Hate to add another sucky note here, but my poor, sweet kitty Chloe just died. She was 16 and was very much loved.
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So sorry about Chloe.
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KAK,
I am so sorry! That truly sucks. :-(
((((HUGS))))
Diane0 -
THAT SUCKS. and it IS Monday.
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