Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Kathi,
So sorry to hear about Chloe.
How are you doing, how is the head?
Penny
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Kathi, I am so very sorry you have lost your sweet, furry friend.
Big hugs,
Miss S
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Ah, I had to put a 21 year old cat down last year....my heart goes out to you!
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I'm sorry too Kathi.
Hugs.
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WhaSUX?????
Aww hugs kathi--it is so hard to loose a family member & that's what our pets are!!! So sorry!
Welcome achi! This is the SAFE place to let it fly! Thanx Aussie for your great stories---tell us another pleez!
Hugs & a big that sux to everyone else as needed--I have been absent too long to remember all I have read here to catch up.......
Dream & I have discussed at great length the idea of starting a thread where we could really talk honestly about our mortality. We worry that it would be too discouraging for ppl who read here. I KNOW it would have been for me b4 my stage IV dx!!! We ARE born mortal, but most mortals don't feel death's presence so near on a daily basis. I have been experiencing this in a raw way the last few weeks. We hate to loose sisters, yet we know by virtue of what brings us here-cancer-that ppl will die. In loosing a friend we grieve the loss AND are reminded of our own end. IT SUX
I DO think we are being heard! Research has not stopped, but no amount of money or time or whatever you think is lacking is going to make these discoveries happen immediately.The ppl dedicated to finding a cure have not abandoned us--they are a tenacious group, but the beast is so elusive it is going to take TIME! Demanding a cure is like a child stamping his foot for an ice cream bar that is not in his freezer......No?
What can I do? I volunteer for the Relay for Life.....I talk to newly dx'd in our community..I donate & support research funding..I give awareness talks locally..I try to help in my own measly way! That is something most of us do--Pinky talking to her church MIGHT have helped even ONE person to be more empathetic with a family member facing cancer.
Sometimes I AM scared & angry & sad---for me, "it is what it is" simply means, "this is a fact that cannot be changed." It does not mean I am fatalistic or gving up--it means my mets makes me "terminal" PERIOD. Tho I can't choose the hand I am dealt, I CAN choose how to play it! So I choose to LIVE, LOVE & LAUGH! In all likelihood I will not be going "to the next level" today..or tomorrow..or next week...probably not mext month---further than that I don't think about!!!! My glass IS half full---but not sure I want a bigger glass--I don't think I like what is in it!! LOL
Hugs--thanx for allowing my rant---be well & stay strong -I love you guys, REALLY!
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Well, the week is here for my exchange surgery and I am as nervous as Mexican jumping beans. I hope that is not offensive to anyone, I use to have them when I was a kid.) It had any other cry last night while explaining to SO that he needs to get up and out of the house and start doing things. He is more depressed than I am, and it is driving me crazy. I came up when he finally got out of bed after two days and look in the mirror. He asked me why hadn't I told him what he looked like and I reminded him of all the days that I have. While it is good that he may be recognizing the fact, this is not the week. I need all his support to get throught his and I don't have time for his pity party. I want to have my own before Thursday.
Shortly I am going in the bedroom, insist that he get his lazy ass up and go make a fire. I want to enjoy these days before surgery as much as possible without any grife. I know this won't be as bad as the last one, but for me surgery is surgery...everyone running around with a knife except me and I am unconscienous. Not a good picture.
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KAK - I'm so sorry. She was such a beautiful girl.
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Pinky Lee ya gotta throw that party.... and SO needs to move his limbs to the fireplace and work at starting a fire..... once the wood is in, you can have him make the fire sans clothes..... that is what studdlier others do...............lol
Hubby is on a down trend.... he feels he only has a couple friend and they all live far away... but he can call them and they know where the bodies are buried. They arent worried about me cause they know I forgot where they are buried.... chemo brain.....LOL
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Saint, I think that thread would be a good idea. JMHO.
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Oh, Kak - a sweet fur face angel girl. I'm so sorry.
Barbe1958 - I have to agree about that expression, can't bring myself to use it, except to mock our union president, who uses that expression whenever he doesn't want to deal with a situation. Works great for him He could say, "Sucks to be you, pal." But, "It is what it is." sounds so much more professional. Not.
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I do follow this thread though do not post much here. I do have a rant today but after reading ones like Saint's I do know I have a lot to be thankful for. So before I go ahead and rant, I would just like to thank the ladies that post here for the courage they show and for all of the information I have obtained by either reading their "rants"here or on other forums. You are truly inspirational and at times amusing, thank you.
Okay, now for my rant, I finished 25 rads on Feb 13 woohoo. Bad part is my skin broke down. I am larger breasted (not bragging trust me) so the inframammory fold, the skin under my breast, skin on abdomen under breast and area of breast under my armpit are all raw open skin that not only hurts like you know but stinks to high heaven! I am sick of changing the bandages, have gone through 9 boxes of 25 guaze packets already, sick of hurting, and sick of staying home because I have to change the bandages often and lets face it I stink!
I know this is fairly minor compared to what a lot of you have been through, but I thank you for letting me rant and moan to you.
Oh and it snowed again today! Can't win for losing!
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Ow! And should it be stinking? That sounds like infection that should be treated ASAP!!
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Thanks but not an infection, just the dead skin peeling off. I was pre-warned about it. I guess I should say I have a really good nose, and can usually smell things others can't (yes this can be a detriment!)
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Hugs PK--I have heard of that happening to others around here! IT SUX!!!!! Gentle healing vibes coming your way for a quick recovery from all that @#%$#$&^%!
BTW-you never have to compare you IOS to anyone else's------we validate YOU! What you are going thru SUX big time & we don't hold competitions for who has the worst IOS (most days, anyway! LOL) But IF we do-as for today's "personal well-being" you got me beat to hell on this one! I don't THINK I stink.................
Be well & stay strong!
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KAK so sorry to hear of Cloe's passing. I know how it feels to mourn a furbaby. Have lost one to breast cancer in 2006 and another to liver disease 2008.
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Pk, I live in Canada and have guaze left over from my surgery. I know it's not much help.......but can I sent you some?
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Pinky----YOU make the most of this time b4 Thurs! If SO is not accommodating you then leave him out of the mix & nake your own good time!!!!!!
I TOTALLY agree on the surgery thing------NOT fun! I get worse with each successive procedure (tho I expected the experiences would produce the opposite reaction!)...almost done kiddo!
HUGS
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It's so sad to lose one of our pets. KAK my heart goes out to you. I love my animals and losing Chloe today sucks.
Some interesting, almost philosophical stuff since I last posted. I think one of the reasons I was drawn to this thread is you all seemed like a nice group of gals in all different stages of this blasted disease. The thing I like about it here is that you can bitch about whatever is relevant to you no matter what stage you are.
To Dreamer and Saint I enjoyed reading what you were thinking and what was really on your mind. It made me stop and think about alot of things myself. I also see how long you have been fighting this battle, and what better encouragement could anyone of us get? So I am yelling out a big that sucks to both of you. For having to think about this stuff. In the short time I have been here I have seen we have already lost many sisters. My only regret is that I didn't have a chance to know them like all of you. Can I say this SUCKS again?
BTW Saint, could you please explain to me what an IOS is?
I was wondering PK if you have talked to the RAD ONC or his nurse. Just wondering if peeling skin should have an odor. It would be easy to get an infection in the inframammary fold because of all the moisture from sweating. Well thats what I'm thinking anyways. It sure sucks you are having to go through this.
I don't have a whine today except that it is Monday and I hate working.
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Oh, Penny, good grief!! You poor thing! Did they ever give you any silvadene? That stuff is great. It kills everything, feels good and promotes fast healing.
Saint, I've been writing a lot of posts on my blog about mortality, so I'd contribute to that thread.
Pinky, good luck, sweetie.
Hugs to everyone. I think we all need them. Thanks to everyone about Chloe. I put up a post this afternoon about her: http://www.accidentalamazon.com/ By the way, if Chloe were a woman, she would totally have worn red high heels like her mom.
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Thanks Sharon, I have been getting guaze from the Health Region Pharmacy here and it is really quite cheap.Thanks anyway.
Achi, think I will call tomorrow and see if someone will see me.
Kathi, no they only recommended the glaxal base and told me what to expect. Not really sure if it is supposed to be like this. I think I am a pretty tough cookie, but this is doing me in. The surgeries weren't this bad! Sorry may just be having a bad day.
Thanks all.
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Words are not enough KAK, to describe our love for our pets or our sorrow when they pass. I have a 19+yr old fella who is slowly walking from this life to the next. I have had him for nearly a third of my life and I will miss him as much as I would any member of my family when he passes. I am in complete sympathy with you and am glad that you have such lovely photos to remind you of him.
Sheila.
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I have been wondering whether any of the ladies here have/had trouble with their bladders when they had chemo with Epirubicin, the med that made your pee red? I was told before tx that it would 'burn' my bladder, not quite realising, at that time, what that actually meant.
Well. . .on my first tx, due to the meds for anti-vomiting etc., afterwards I felt quite good physically, until about midnight on the first day.
I was with my family, camping somewhere far from humanity and its conveniences, when I found myself sort of wandering around in the middle of the night, looking for a bathroom. After searching for some time, I spied a convenient looking building in the distance and immediately rushed toward it. Only to find, when I had my knickers half way down, that the 'receptacle' was full. I rushed outside, because I was desperately in need of relief by this time, to look for a convenient bush to use instead of the purpose-built facility, only to find that a massive spider web blocked my access to the private side of the nearest, likely looking, bush. By this time I was walking like a three yr old zombie with my legs half crossed, trying madly to 'hold it in.'
Then I almost stumbled into a huge tree, which I quickly ran behind and, madly pulling my knickers down once again, I squatted in joyous relief and went with the flow.
Uh oh, the joy turned to terror when, to my everlasting shame, I woke up in my own bed at home and realised what I was doing in it. In one mighty leap, I shot out of bed and ran leaking all the way to my nearest bathroom, which I didn't really need by the time I got there.
I live in constant fear of this dream because, although I didn't quite 'wet the bed' initially, I have a very similar dream when I need to 'go' during the night, especially during winter, to this day.
I can't figure out why I don't wake up as soon as I recognise the events as they happen but, somehow, I don't/can't. I am very good now at lunging out of bed, no matter where or how I am lying in it at the time. Any way I was just wondering.....
Sheila.
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Saint, Interesting timing, I have been thinking a lot about this very thing. I try to help others get thru this thing but worry that my thoughts about my own situation will be hard for others in eariler stages. I would love a place to go any talk really openly about my fears, worries, concerns etc without worrying. To get this out would be very healing (for me and I am sure others)I think
Pk, Pinky, Sheila and everyone- I am so sorry for all the ickiness thats going on. Its so not fair.
Be well all, hope today is a good day.
Elaine
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Been totally out of the loop (new puppy!) and missing you guys, did an Evenlyn Woods speed read, but need to find an hour to really catch up.
Kathi - sorry about your kitty, pets rock!
(((Dream)))
Everyone else, big hugs!
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AussieShiela.... I have had pee dreams too and they turned out to be the onset of a bladder infections. My worst experience in dreamland.... I dreamt that I had just given birth to a baby and as I held the child and wandered through hospital hallways looking for attention. When I woke up, I had my period and cramps.
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Shhhhhhhhhhhhh real quick.....am at work but just had to check in on my sisters & let y'all know I was thinkin' 'bout you.
Hugs everybody....I think pk wins the bitch award today....that really sux girl. So sorry.....
More later after work.
Love ya, Traci
ps Kathi...my avatar died after I only had her a month.....she was just a baby. So sorry for you too girl. ((((((hugs)))))
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AussieI just peed myself in my office chair. I'm glad I'm self employed or I'd have some explaining to do to my boss. Yeppers....sounds like a bladder infection to me. Is it your country that uses the term wobbly pops? Could it be too many of those the night before?
My dreams lately revolve around forgetting my chemo appointment. Can you imagine? Who would forget that? Mix up the day, maybe, but forget?
I lost most of my front teeth in a car accident when I was 16 and I still dream about my teeth falling out.
Aussie....do you have a blog?
Going in for my 6th and last chemo tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Renee
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Thanx for the laughs, Aussie!!! I had a dream like that when I was a kid & have ALWAYS worried that it would happen again! My dh taught me how to "recognize" when I am dreaming & I have not had many nightmares since......tho HE once woke me in the middle of the night opening the cedar chest at the foot of our bed----I suddenly had the thought that he was going to pee on my sweaters & yelled his name----HE WAS!! but I'd stopped him....LOL---too much fun at the club that nite I think!
Renee! I used to have a recurring dream of all my teeth coming out connected like a chain!!! Euwwww! YEAH for last chemo!!!! Dancing for you...........
Elaine--Dream & I are working on that metster thread--hugs!
To all who need it; THAT SUX!!!!!!! Hugs to everyone!
Be well & stay strong
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Renee- luck, luck, luck, luck and prayers!
Saint- any help you need let me know!
Hugs to all in need tonight
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Aussie - I had Adriamycin which is also called the "red devil." It turned my pee red, also. I also had to go when I had to go. There was no putting it off. It woke me up at night as well.
I had a dream the other night that I had hair.
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