Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Personally I would take the smaller unit, and use the opportunity to downsize my belongings, thus making it perfect. What do you think?
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i would like to know how people stay stress free...I have kids, bc and people around me that are annoying....I would love to stay stree free but that would entail me going to a seculded island!!
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Apartment update: last night I noticed the style I want came up online, and I put a hold on it. Got there early this morning and it is mine for moving the end of March.
blondie, one step at a time, one hour at a time, deep breathing, and try to find a moment or two alone to destress. Bubble bath, drive around the block, caller id and do not answer the phone or put on mute. I am from Pittsburgh originally but never heard of Folcroft - is it east or west PA?
Hugs for all, Nancy
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Stress free -- what's that?
I do have the luxury of only living with a cat so all I need to do is not answer the phone. I tell friends that such-and-such days I will be incommunicado - IOW leave me alone. I plan to have no obligations on those days, I can do whatever I want, or do nothing, all guilt-free. That works for me. And a very high dose of daily Effexor helps tremendously. AND venting, crying, whining, commiserating on this site. A secluded island would definitely help too! 0 -
Congrats on the apartment Nancy!! It was good that you waited to get exactly what you wanted.
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Hey, to stress is human! I think it has something to do with our opposable thumbs...heheheehehe.
Seriously folks, if you are not experiencing stress you are not truly living. Experience like travel, new foods, new relationships, classes, all are stressful, but the "good" kind of stress. We forget that in the big picture.
If you wrap your head around the fact that you WILL experience stress (proof of the fact that you are above ground) then HOW you react to it is what makes life fun! My DH and I have hooted with laughter over the years about the silliest things. Like when someone is asking for a bill to be paid and we have NO money...too funny! hehehehehehe We have to get very creative, like a Roadblock in Amazing Race...or Monopoly (crap! didn't pass GO, but at least I passed JAIL!)
Have fun with it all. I've actually raised my hands to the heavens and said "Go ahead! Hit me with your best shot!"
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Barbe, you are so funny.
I talked to my Sister yesterday; she's stopping chemo. She's not going to do anymore. She did 3 of 4 of the red devil and she's had it.
She's trip neg, stage II, no + lymph nodes. She had a bi-mast and hysterectomy.
I told her I would support her no matter what, and I meant it, but when I hung up the phone, my emotions just roller coastered.
I hate this F$$$ing disease.
Love you girls. I'm so thankful I have y'all to come to. So thankful.
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AHH - Stress. Today's topic? Here's some stress-bringing CRAP...
Be warned... VENTING.... DD actually has been alone in her home for the past 3 weeks, as her H left. He has had trouble coping with being unemployed and how can he still finance his habits? This is how... he went thru her jewelry, taking the very best pieces, and there were sone good ones, pawned her diamond tennis bracelet along with the "eternity" necklace and earrings that he bought her before they were married (just 3 years ago). She found the pawn tickets and identified her pieces at that pawn shop, but without a police report, she had to pay 80 just to get the bracelet back.
the gold and silver bracelet that her grandmother gave her was pawned at another place because they pay more for gold, all her gold earrings, rings and chains were pawned. HE PAWNED HIS WEDDING RING!!!!!!!! A-hole.
When she confronted him, he looked her right in the eye and LIED. It's as if he holds getting married against her. Typical abusive behaviors, of the top 10, he's done at least one in each category and many in some. She's drawn the line. Last Sat. he called her making threats from two states away. I'd had enough and instructed her to call our local safe place for battered women and she did. Maria, there, got enough info, put it all together and pretty much forced her way in to see a judge for a Protection Order, got it. got copies, dumb H drove home last night, I saw his car in front of his Dad's house this morning. He hasn't been served with the papers yet, and we have NO IDEA how he will react when he discovers that not only is he not allowed on the home property or within 500 yards of it, but he's lost his rights to see his baby girl.
JUSTICE!!!!! He has no right to see her, in my opinion. He deserted them, abandoned, didn't call for days at a time and when he did, he harrassed her. She and I waited practically all day yesterday wondering where he was and if he was going to their house like he threatened. I couldn't leave her alone, for fear of what he might do. Ain't that a kick in the head? Well, not really that physical, just metaphorical. I just refuse to deal with the drama. And I've pretty much decided than unless its totally necessary, she will find her own spot to live with her baby and I'll support her, emotionally and babysitting, etc. But I can't allow that heavy crap to be dwelling in my house, you know? My house needs to be a safe zone.
Plus, I grew to love this guy. Puzzled by some of his habits and views, but it's all clear now. He's never had anyone tell him "NO". and mean it. She means it, and there's nothing he can do about it.
I'm so sad, for their family, but as it was it was a failure and I'm sure both are somewhat to blame. I've been married to the same man for 35 years come august and we've had lots of ups ad downs and some serious downs, but there was only one time that we ever talked about separation and that was a stress induced reaction, with 3 little kids at home, the one that "got" to leave was the easy way out, it was too expensive to set up two dwellings, so we just stuck it out.Hell yeah, sometimes it's hard. Like, there have been times when one of us just really didn't like the other, but we rode it out, with both of us trying to figure it out and make it work again.
I just can't and won't tolerate this young man abusing my daughter. IT CANNOT BE ALLOWED. I am supporting her as much as possible and we are waiting for the sheriff to serve him the papers today. Once that happens, should be in the next few hours, we just don't know how he will react. If he chooses to be an idiot and come over here to start something, we will have to have him arrested.
GEEEEEEZZZZZZZE. this is the worst crap I've ever been involved in. Thanks for listening, gotta get lunch and be strong. I'll update later this afternoon.
~Connie
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{Connie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Connie's DD}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Connie's grandbaby}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
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((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs Connie)))))))))))))))))))))
I'm glad to hear you say she must find her own place. Your home, indeed, should be safe!
((((((((((((((((((((Hugs Traci)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Blondi ... when you get that island, can I come too?
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A place to moan...goody! A little list of what makes me bitchy...
1 - You look great! Oh yea, well allow me to remove my clothing and then tell me what you think - the battle scars are NOT pretty and the rolls are disgusting
2 - You can beat this thing, you will be ok. Well now, I have a terminal disease. Perhaps there is no expiration date on my foot and I could get run over by a bus - but this ain't no cold and I can only be as ok as treatment lets me be
3 - You are so strong and have such a good attitude. As if attitude is going to heal me
4 - I can't handle it, we are going to lose you. Ok, so does that mean you can't be around me while I am still here? Bite me.
5 - I can't believe how thoughtful you are of others while you are going through such an ordeal yourself. Well, just hell - it does not mean I have to be rude, self-centered and think only of myself. I was a kind, caring, loving, outgoing, friendly person before - I didn't change. My life did.
And if anyone ever really knew what a struggle it is to get up each day, take care of my house and get me out the door to go to work and how stressful it is to always be 'cheerful' - and then how exhausting it is when I get home and just flop. I live in sweats on the weekends - do I have any special plans???? Yes, I do - doing as much of nothing as I can. It SUCKS!
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Hey Lorider, Welcome to the best place to bitch and moan and groan. And the best part is WE GET IT!!! WE DO... Seriously, sister. This board and this site, rocks.
Thanks for the group hugs. I am still venting. But we got some soup and split a sandwich. Then we split a Xanax and put a movie in.. some stupid, mindless don't have to think about it movie and I'm typing my fingers red and she's cutting coupons while the baby sleeps.
We don't know for sure, but think the sheriff has been there. He just started calling.
BBS
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Sending a hug to all of you wonderful ladies, and an extra one tonight to Connie, Lowrider and Traci.
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So, stepmonster calle d him and told him that the sheriff's deputy had been by there with papers, but he didn't get them today. But he knows that they exist. Do Sheriff's offices deliver papers after 5 p.m.? She let me go home and I am praying for a quiet night. They will likely serve them tomorrow morning (we hope).
What a mess. Why do these kids think that they can just have everything they want? I just don't get it. We did without lots when we were young, and sometimes we knew we were missing out on better stuff, (still do, HAH) but we deal with it and get over it. Seems as they want and want and even when they get, they still want.
It's been a long week with days that ran ito each other. And rain is coming in, looks heavy. I think I shall go for a swim then have a beer and plan absolutely nothing for tomorrow.
And to all a good night!
~Connie
I'm getting a beer.
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GAWD YA'LL, WHAT A SUCKY DAY!
NOBODY WROTE ALL DAY LONG.
And Kbugmom passed away.
What a sucky, sucky day.
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We've all been holding our breaths for you....worried and scared!
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Very sucky day. I hope your SIL gets served his papers and stays away. And I wanna go swimming with you Connie! Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and quiet on the homefront. Hugs,
Elizabeth
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I'm so glad it's almost over. He was served the papers early this afternoon and called me about 5 times. DD instructs me to not talk to him, but I needed some closure with him, for me, separate from her. you know what I mean? He's been in my life for a long time and I know he's done this and said that and I know I don't have any control over what happens, I just need to learn all I can to prevent and protect everybody, but I can't really do that either.
So, I've been sitting out on the porch tonight, storms came tru earlier and it's awesome now.. like 63 degrees and breezy.dh is worried about me, but I'm alright. Just needed a good cry ... So, I'll offer the same for everybody...
THE TEARS ARE ALL ON ME TONIGHT... For Everybody's sucky stuff and the whole world. I've been ranting via internet most of the day, in between phone calls of destuction of a marriage. Never believed that I saw it coming. But in all reality, I likely did and chose to deny. Or thought she could handle it on her own. that's my only real regret... is that I didn't step in earlier.
The young family is separated, legally, for at least 30 days. No contact and she means no me talking to him anymore either.
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Hey,,, I could use some cake! gotta be sugar free. but come on and swim, it feels great. Thanks ladies. don't quite know where I'd be with out you.
~Connie
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Maybe after everything cools down you can have a talk with him and wish him well. It's all so very sad. Hugs,
Elizabeth
xoxoo
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Connie, don't for one second think that if you stepped in earlier that you could have stopped his forward motion of destruction! He had to do it his way....
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Hey girls, I'm sad today, but better than I was last night. I'm reflecting on the past 3 years, wondering how it went so terribly wrong. Also, how even when we know what the right thing to do is, we seem to hold back, tenative to say or do to interfere with others lives. But if we dont intervene, horrible things can happen. I raised DD to be an independent thinker and a strong woman in her own right. His behavior made me question my basic instincts, I shudder to think what she has learned and questioned about herself.... But not anymore. Someone mentioned how he knows all the buttons to push - for me and for DD. I'm smarter than that by now, and he's NOT. I could easily set him up, but I don't want to do that. I don't believe revenge is appropriate although I know sometimes it can be mighty satisfying.
LOVE YOU. I'M sorry I hogged these boards but I will update because I know you care and that means the world to me right now. Thanks for all the heartwarming support. THERE'S NOTHING ELSE LIKE THIS PLACE, think I'll put that on the mods request for feedback.
DD is safe and feels more secure now, she's out running errands and I'm def going to the pool. I need to do that for me.
P.S. I promise to return with more humor too. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Love, ~Connie
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Dear Connie,
Speaking from experience, and stating the obvious, it's hard to love someone, care about someone who is addicted to drugs (e.g., including alcohol). But I do believe in the power of love and concern, even if sometimes (often) that love and concern has to be from a distance, at least for a while.
I had to call the police to my home twice while I was undergoing chemo. One night was something like out of the movie the Panic Room, with me locked in the bathroom 2 days after AC chemo, preparing to go out the window to the fire escape and cursing the noisy velcro fasteners on my shoes. (His health insurance denied him coverage for a 30-day in-patient program even though he and the program wanted him to stay on. He was discharged with a ton of prescriptions drugs and came completely off the rails, hallucinating, the whole thing. Two days later, the insurance company authorised the program. But by then, it was too late. He did, however, go back to this same program a few months later and successfully complete a 60-day program.)
I couldn't have admitted this to a group that I thought was going to respond with condemnation and judgement. (Or who I thought would overreact and make me feel like I cannot handle my own life.) This same person, though, 18 months later (and now a friend rather than a partner), will come over this evening and he will help me cook a couple meals, some of which will be given to the guy on the 12th floor with advanced stage prostate cancer. I wouldn't say my friend is "sober" or even "out of the woods" but he has made a lot of progress. He is not all bad and he has never been all bad even though, as I told him on a regular basis, "P., you are better than this. We are both better than this." We have both learned a lot. Like cancer, addiction causes us to recognise strengths and weaknesses we did not even know we have. And it is a marathon, not a sprint. The nature of addiction is such that relapse is not only possible, but even probable. If we knew the 17th time someone tried to get on top of their addiction that it would "take," how much easier it would be, no?
My heart goes out to everyone who struggles with an addiction, whether their own or someone else's. I tell this not to get sympathy or even support. But because I think the stigma of drug addiction makes it a harder, more painful experience than it needs to be. There is no shame in loving someone with an addiction.
Connie, I admire you for seeking the support that you need and being open about your (sometimes and understandably mixed!) feelings for the people involved.
And Traci... you and your sister. Breaking my heart over here.
Thinking of all us, urging us on, willing us to have the strength we need for the tough times.
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We LOVE you too Connie!!!!
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Dearest Connie -- this is what the boards are for!!! We're here for each other. We're here for you. A few weeks ago I said that you build a stong foundation of morals for your daughter. I still say that. My Mom built that for me and you wouldn't believe the f-ups I've done. They're all mine and do not reflect on my Mom as I made my choices as a adult. The same thing applies to you.
You're a good Mom and a good person that is hurting because your daughter hurts and the SIL you've come to love hurts. It sounds like your daughter is getting her feet under herself again, on that foundation you built, and will be OK.
Enjoy your swim, pamper yourself a bit too. I love you too Connie.
Elizabeth
xoxoxoxooooooo
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Good morning everyone. Am I allowed to post my SOI, suckiness otherwise inverted, or a bit of good news? My DIL was moved out of ICU to a regular maternity room, cath removed, allowed to travel by wheelchair to see and touch and hold her baby girl. They call it kangaroo time.
Major scrub down, like surgeons do pre surgery. gown, mask and they put the baby on her chest and wrap both in blankets. My son will be able to hold his baby today, after the same scrub down. All tests are very good. This little girl arrived at 3 and half pounds, 15 inches long - 7 weeks early and it appears she is a real fighter and when placed on her back, she kicks and spreads her toes and fingers and "stretches". She is able to take breast milk from a bottle but not nurse from Mom at this point. Mom and baby time will increase each day as the baby grows stronger. Happy and thankful are we...
Hugs for all, Nancy
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Nancy, how the heck did I miss that kind of news????? I talk to you on a number of threads and didn't catch the news. I am so sorry, but glad things are improving! Congrats on the new grand.
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TY barbe, I am so scattered brained that I am not sure where I posted the arrival of Olivia at 4 am Thursday via emergency C section. I saw them just a few hours after she was born, but do not dare travel the roads since this snow storm came. My son has been a rock during all of this, stayed at the hospital Fri and last night. He prob will stay again tonight as the roads are still bad.
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Me too! I missed this. Congratulations -- and what a relief that your DIL is out of the ICU. Oh my gosh, how wonderful to see your little grandaughter all cute and wiggly. I hope you get some kangaroo time soon too! Hugs,
Elizabeth
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I remember Olivia coming, but not that it was an emergency or ICU was involved! Yikes!
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