Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Grandbabies are wonderful, when we get enough of them, they go away, hahahahah
Being a grandma ROCKS.
~Connie
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Grandbabies are wonderful and my thoughts and prayers are with all....Olivia is the name that my daughter's bf wants to name the baby they are about to have in 3 weeks, it is beautiful!! Luck!!
Sandy
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Nancy...I too did not realize it was that serious! I'm very happy to hear that everyone is doing better. I can only imagine what a scare that was. Olivia sounds like she's coming into the world with the right attitude! Prayers for all 3 of them!
I've been shoveling on and off a since the snow started on Friday...it's finally all done and now I hear we are getting another 6-10 tomorrow night. Ugh. This is why I don't live further north!!
OTOH...I think I have lymphedema in my right hand... for weeks it's been just my fingers swelling but today it's my whole hand and a bit of my forearm...should I be doing something for this? Or does it go down on it's own? I only had 2 lymph nodes removed so I didn't think I'd ever get it!
Connie...I hope things are better in your situation...I know it still sucks but hopefully it's been quite...you've had enough drama for all of 2010!
Hugs everyone...
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Navy, Check out the LE forum for ideas on what you need to be doing. I had 3 nodes removed from my left side and last year weed-eating and raking brought up a swelled spot on my hand. My mom had 15 nodes removed and hasn't had any problems. A couple of things you can do is (1) deep chest breathing several times a day, (2) keep yourself hydrated with plenty of water, (3) hold your hand above your heart, slowly pump your hand in a squeezing motion 15-20 times - you can use a stress ball for this, and (4) when not using your arm, keep it supported on a pillow to try and raise it even with your heart.
Sheila
(edit to clairfy my instructions)
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Nancy ... my fellow Virginian ... this is for you and Olivia and your son and DIL.
AND THIS IS FOR THE REST OF YOU!
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SUCKIKKKiness. My boy moved to Colorado in Nov for an awesome job in his field and he's been doing really great, til this past week when his dog has taken ill. It looked like an allergic reaction to something and he took her to the vet last Monday. She was doing better until last night when she quit eating and drinking and now it looks like the end and I can't be there with him. He's got some friends, but basically Softy (yes, he named her that) has been his best friend for the last 11 years. OMG it's so sad. It's like loosing another family member, but from a distance and I can't hug him.
damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamndamn
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Oh Connie ... that breaks my heart. I am so sorry.
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being a Mom is probably the hardest job on the planet ... hugs
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Oh Connie, you need an emotional break! It rips my heart out to see my kids hurting....
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I'm so sorry to hear about Softy and the heartache your son has. I love her name -- also sounds like your son has a gentle soul. Please, soon, I hope you and your dear children have a break from this heartache. Hugs,
Elizabeth
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It's like it never ends.
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WOW! So much suckiness!!
Nancy, sorry your DIL was in ICU, but so glad to hear that everyone is doing good now, and welcome to Olivia!
Bonnie
Yes, you should get your LE checked out... check that LE board, too for advice... I had LE after getting a Neulasta shot in my LE arm... stupid chemo nurse just stabbed me with it before I had a chance to tell her NO... anyway, my left hand swelled up, and it was horrible! I went thru therapy and did exercises, and I was wearing this glove... but the glove seemed to make it worse, so I stopped wearing it.... when my therapy was over, there was still a little bit of swelling. The therapist said that maybe it may resolve itself. I was looking at my hand about a month ago, and I noticed that it looks NORMAL again... so that is my SOI....
Connie
So sorry to hear about Softy... our pets give us comfort and unconditional love... HUGS
Harley
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I hate it when those cuddly creatures we love get sick.... a kiss for Softy.
It is so wonderful that Olivia came into this world, no matter the circumstances. She will be well loved and thats what counts.
Is this your first grandbaby.... isnt it wonderful.... a new life, a new branch on the family tree
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Hey Welcome back dreamwriter, you've been in the hospital? You sound chipper tonight.
Softy was checked out by the vet, got some shots and went home with her master to be nursed, he will have to hook up an IV at night. Had a bunch of lab work and an x-ray, didn't find anything amuk. Vet said it was pancreatitis or cancer, that he should know in a couple of days. IS THAT SUCKY OR WHAT?? My son has 24 hour watch over his poor sick dog, he's 1000's of miles away and theres gotta be something I can do.... Like order and pay for food to be delivered, bet that would keep Son going. Yay, I love an inspiration. I'll bet I can find websites for local food where he is and do it all online... wish me luck!
~Connie
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I lost this thread off my favorite for some reason. Glad I found it again. I need to vent.
I've pretty much tired of being at the bottom of the dog pile. My 26 year old daughter asked me to have lunch with her Saturday and informed me that she was molested when she was little by her cousin. (He was 7 years older than her.)
I thought I did all the right things raising our three children. I stayed home with them when they were little and I always had occupations that allowed me to work from home once they were in school. I was also molested by my grandfather when I was young so I was always hyper sensitive and careful about the kids being alone with men. This happened right under my nose in my house. She remembers it happening for the first time when my youngest was a baby so that made her 4 when it started and 7 when it ended. (That would make him 11 - 14 at the time) She was attacked in the middle of the night by a home invader when she was seven and she said he never touched her again after that.
I made a vow when I had children that what happened to me would never happen them. I'm in total shock and my husband keeps trying to minimize it by saying that it was just a "show me yours and I'll show you mine" situation. I want to rip his head off his shoulders and his F*@#ed up nephew. She said he would actually hold her down and threaten to kill her if she told anyone.
I asked her why she's telling us this now. She said that once she found out that my youngest daughter was pregnant, she began having panic attacks and requested sleeping pills from our GYN. We all see the same Dr. He refused to give her any without a long consultation and counseling session. Bless his heart. He thinks that she is fearful of the same thing happening to the new baby.
(Oh yes, that would be my unmarried 22 year old daughter. It's taken me several weeks to get past the fact that they're not married but now I'm thrilled at the thought of being a grandmother. They've been dating for 3 years and we love him.)
Anywhy, I am devastated by this. We were supposed to protect our children yet we brought this kid into our home and let this happen. I know this had to be difficult for her to tell me because she knew that I would feel guiltily and I do.
She has made me promise not to tell anyone so here I am venting to all of you yet again. Thanks for listening.
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I copied my last post from another thread. So I do have an update.
DH now gets it. He understands that young kids are capable of molesting younger children. I think he was in denial and tried to minimize the effect this has had on her.
She told me that many times he fondled her under the blanket forts I used to make for the kids all the time. It just kills me.
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Oh Renee....how awful for your daughter and now for you, years later, to hear about this. I'm sure you did all the right things to protect your children, but unfortunately, these awful things happen despite a parent's best efforts. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's a good sign that your daughter is opening up now and talking to you and her doctor about what happened.
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Welcome back, dream. yes, this is my first grand child. My son was 8 pounds, six ounces, and this little gal was 3 and a half pounds, less than half his size at birth. We have been trying to find some preemie clothes and there is not much of a selection or I am not looking in the right place. It will be about a month before she can go home, but she still needs clothes when she gets there.
I guess I go out tomorrow and fight the grocery store pre storm mob, if there is anything in the stores after last weekend's storm. They say another 10-20 inches, latest forecast. Ugh, enough.
Hugs for all, Nancy
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Renee, what a tough hand to be dealt! But please know that at least the healing can begin for your daughter. You gave her that....the gift of listening. Gentle hugs to you both.
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Renee:
I have been through what you and your daughter are going through. Please, please don't beat yourself up over this. We do the absolute best we can to protect kids, but the fact is, we can't be with them 24/7. Who among us would suspect a cousin, just a few years older than her? We are hyper-vigilant in strange situations or when we bring our kids into the unknown. But when this happens at home -- well, we think that is the place we can relax and know they are safe. And from experience, I can tell you that young children have an incredible capacity to simply block out what has happened to them out of fear. You are not a bad mother and I just hope and pray that you are not thinking that. The uncertainty of life prevents us from having control over every aspect. By being there for your daughter, listening to her, supporting her, dealing with her emerging feelings, you are the best mom in the world. I am so sorry this has happened to her, and through her, to you. In regard to your DH, they tend to be more terrified that it happened than anyone else. His feelings may be closer to yours than you think. God bless you as you travel this road.
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Dear Renee, My heart aches for you, please try to breathe, a lot. Deep cleansing breaths, like you did before childbirth. And, if you haven't cried, that would help you relieve some of that lava.
IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did it all right, you were, are a terrific mom, and honey, that doesn't always mean it's easy. I'm glad your daughter brought this to you now, you really are a good mother or she would have taken it elsewhere.
I have 3 also. Girl, boy, girl. This year their ages will be 26, 28 & 30. My life is my family and it seems like the world is spinning them so hard they can barely hold on. But they ARE, and that means we must muster some slack on our lines, give her all the love filled space she needs, but keep the line snug.
You came to the best place in the world. Good. Hang on, we will help you deal.
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Renee, I just watched an Oprah show about child molesters. She interviewed 4 of them. It was shocking to say the least. I am so sorry. I agree totally with Barbe about the healing process can begin now that she has come forward and said what happened. I know that probably doesn't make you feel any better now, but hopefully, soon it will. I am so sorry about this. It raises SUCKS to a whole new level.
On a happier note....Nancy, 3 and a half pounds? What a little miracle. ((((hugs))))
Navy, it's the gift that keeps on giving isn't it?
(((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((((((((everybody))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Thanks my dear friends.
Traci...you reminded me that I had recorded Opra yesterday. DH and I watched it together and cried most of the way through it. I never thought that a child could cause so much harm. I also don't remember giving my kids the "good touch bad touch" speech because I never left them with anyone unless there was a women there.
This was a kid with a wacko for a mom. We thought we were helping him by showing him what a normal family environment is like.
I honestly don't know what I'd do without all of you.
Huggs to all.
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Huh, I forgot that I had taught my kids about not letting anyone touch them "where their bathing suits covered them". Thanks for the reminder, I have a grandchild on the way.
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Oh Barbe, you do? When? do you have others? How are you doing lately? I think about you and Elizabeth way up north. I have lived in the south all my life and wouldn't know how to cope with the weather. I was watching the news showing New York getting blizzard conditions today. We get cold, but it's generally short lived.
I hoped Renee would come back and update us on how she's doing, Some people are demented. How in the world a human with an ounce of soul could do those things to an innocent child!.. . I have a bit more sympathy for the earlier generation of parents and their beating their kids, they were likely beaten as children, didn't know any other way. And kids can be confounding sometimes.
I think the toughest thing about being a parent is learning things like this (dealing with and coming to terms, forgiving) that you fully intended to be on top of, and some creep got around your watchful eye and ruined what should have been an idyllic childhood experience. If we could only see the future. The silver lining here is that, although it happened, the girl is expressing herself and that means she will get the help necessary to learn how to manage living the rest of her life, unafraid. And should she raise a family, she will be even more vigiliant. THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENED TO SOCIETY... We discovered secrets make everything worse, that zillions of families are dysfunctional. Now, we are allowed to talk about EVERYTHING.
~Connie
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I'm still here. Thanks for your concern.
I agree Barbe. I'm now on a mission to make sure that everyone I know with young children or grandchildren have the talk with the little ones. You can't be there every moment in their lives but you can prepare them to be comfortable coming to you when this happens.
On another thread, someone shared with me that this happened to her when she was 4 and the boy was 11. This just makes me sick. It never occurred to me that they would even know what to do. I don't think it makes a bit of difference if the abuser is old or young. It's still devastating and changes your life forever.
So please, if you have any young ones in your life, talk to them about "good touch and bad touch." I can't turn time back but maybe someone will learn from my mistakes.
I'm so proud of my daughter.
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Renee ... you ARE a great Mom. Your daughter came straight to you where she felt safe. That says something about you. If she didn't tell you when she was a child she was probably trying to protect you. If he told her he would kill her if she told he may very well have told her he would kill her parents. I just hope her abuser has gotten help so this doesn't happern to another little girl.
I am so sorry this happened to your daughter. It more than sucks. Hugs to and your daughter.
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Renee, there is no statute of limitations when it come to sexual abuse.....
I was beaten as a child, but didn't beat my children. Not all things are learned behaviour... I was asked once by a psychiatrist if I was sexually abused as a child and I couldn't answer him. I finally said "I don't know". He said I might as well have been then as I was suffering the abuse anyway.
A couple years ago, my two brothers and my sister and I were talking about me getting beaten and they admitted they felt guilty; when I pushed for what they meant, they said they were glad it wasn't them. I asked why they didn't help me and my sister said "We were kids too!". That kind of helped.
Connie, this is my first grandchild, FINALLY!!! I can't wait!!!
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Meant to say: my family put the FUN back into dysfunctional!!!!
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Yours too Barbe?
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