Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Jane, what would you tell a friend or a daughter whose significant other was saying things like that to her?
You'd be reminding her that verbal abuse can do every bit as much damage as physical abuse, and to get herself out of the situation wouldn't you?
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That's what my therapist tells me, too. After the last one tried to get him to accept some responsibility for my drinking and using drugs, he refused to go back to her. But, after 27 years, where would I go? It's not like someone else would be interested in a boobless wonder.
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You can just "get out". You don't have to go anywhere special. Just save yourself! Rent a darling apartment somewhere and LIVE.
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Aussie Sheila - When to take meds; by the info card, the provider, the pharmacist,or when I remember to do it?
otter, thank you for the comic pic. My leg was fractured in two places, but not broken (smile)
barbe1958, you must refuse to give back your patches on the modesty vest - they discontinue some of them.
navygirl! You have recently been switched to Femara, too?! Ah ha! I don't think I like this stuff. First, I had to insist that I was anemic for months. Then I got Iron pills. Then I got constipated. Still am. Hate this. Ready to try Senakot. Then, came the Femara. I always feel like garbage. Well, except when my tummy is empty without gas or bloating.
I think the FDA has given up on the SE book. It got to be too big...
AussieSheila - 'scream... into... a... pillow.' If you are an apartment dweller with thin walls, you could be explaining to the cops why your health plan doesn't cover therapy. I hope the article recommended some acoustic pillows...
barbe1958 - you got stalkers. They really need to get a life if they get their jollies by following people on the boards. How immature. Don't kick my seat because your legs grew in funny - get off the bus.
3jaysmom - your idea of bombardment made me smile. Shame on me. hee hee hee hee
navygirl - Vitamin D. I've had it! First you can't take vitamins because they may affect the meds they are poisoning you with. THEN, your system is all whacked out, and can't re-regulate itself without a road map.
Large green pill, Vitamin D. Larger white pill, Potassium.
Big, hard to swallow pills, worthless.
lisa34lisa, normal people can't take death the way it happens. I saw "The Pride of the Yankees" the other day on TV. Made Lou Gehrig's life into a pretty, inspirational, "this was a GOOD guy" fluff until he couldn't play baseball anymore and then walked off the field after a city tribute. Try getting away with that ending today. At least they let the character that played his wife cry a lot.
After my diagnosis in 2007, I immediately took a disliking to the term "survivor." You're a survivor until you're not. Therefore, you fight.
Some people have to say something. I'll accept the "positive attitude" messages. No one has ever said God was trying to get my attention - that's why I've never been booked for assault. Honestly. Riiiiight. Cancer is caused by God trying to get your attention, that's why so many children have it. Got to get their attention early. Little whippersnappers. ... spare me the indignation...
Awww, barbe1958, when you are in the hospital a lot, you don't get to be with your family every day. Ease up, my friend, ease up.
By the way, if anyone out there is thinking I am sessna1 "Pollyanna," I will personally come through this motherboard and shake you. I am a cynic. I just want it straight, stirred, not shaken. Thank you.
Oh Brie! That is horrible betrayal. Some "DH."
navygirl - cockroaches, shining a light on them .... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Thank you.
Wow, barbe1958 DOES have stalkers.
Mount SUXage is high up this season, ladies.
-sessna1
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Sessna1 - You said it all. Thanks.
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Saw PCP yesterday. Thanks to the wonders of radiation, I now have 2 murmurs in my heart and, he thinks, a spot of skin cancer on my back. I was very lucky to be able to get an appointment with a dermatologist on Thursday (they had a cancelation) to get that checked out. I also asked him if it was normal to be having rib pain...I thought it might be a SE of the radiation, but he said no. He felt something unusual with the 5th rib on the L side and wants me to have a bone scan. I was able to get that scheduled for Friday afternoon. I have my 2 year f/u with my onc on 8/13, so I should have the results of the bone scan by then. The good news is that I don't have osteonecrosis of my jaw. My bloodwork was fairly normal and I still have both my feet. I have permanent neuropathy in them (left > right) from the Taxol, but at least I have feet.
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Oh Jane! The gift that keeps on giving, eh?? Hugz to you.
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BarbaraA - You are welcome.
Living with these treatments, medications, tests, and upside downs would have to get a normal person off their game. "You are tolerating it well." Well, I don't at 3 a.m. in the morning when I still can't get to sleep and I don't know if I'm bloated, constipated, gaseous, nauseous, or a bit of all of them.
I would never tell any person on the board to stop moaning. I get tired of feeling bad!
Feeling bad SUX.
-sessna1
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Jane_M, you are too precious a soul to let that comment go unaddressed.
You are NOT a boobless wonder. You are a fighter and you want to live.
There are enough boobs in general that sit on our chests. I had a big boob way before puberty. My parents made me call him my "brother." Having our physical breasts removed doesn't make us less of a human being, person, woman, or lady.
Please don't ever call or think of yourself with such a deprecating misnomer. Don't inflict more scars on yourself in unnecessary operations.
sessna1
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Sessna!!! I LOVE you..it was so good to see your posts...where have you been darling???
Jane, I'm with Sessna. You are far more than the scar on your chest. We all are, we have to be -because that's not nearly enough! You have a wonderful life waiting for you, all you have to do is start living it one day, one moment at a time. With or without "him", you can make it. ((((Jane))))
Love, Love, Love you guys...not feeling all that well today so I'm turning in early. I'm starting to think it's the Femara...I looked at my timecard at work and this is the 3rd time in 6 weeks that my stomach has been upset and I've been fatigued enough to want to sleep all day. I sucked it up and went in anyway today, but I could have just as easily not
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navygirl - I will gratefully accept the love.
Where have I been? But I wrote about it. I fractured my leg in two places on May 2 of this year. From May 6 to June 25, I was in skilled nursing facilities/physical rehab and got the shock of my life about how awful those places can be.
Why did I fracture my leg in two places? Because I passed out in my kitchen trying to get nausea meds. Why did I pass out in my kitchen? Because I have (didn't know it then, though) orthostatic hypotension which is the medical way of saying that your blood pressure can drop severely if you stand up suddenly, sit down, are in a hot environment, are dehydrated, etc.
It has thus far been labeled as a SE, however, I think there should be a billboard for this one! Honestly! SEs that can lead to WORSE SEs. Being lightheaded/dizzy for days at a time with low blood pressure readings - no matter how much water you drink - can lead a chemo patient to lose consciousness. Where you lose consciousness can cost you your life, or at least quite some time in the hospital.
I told my onco for three months straight. Shame on me. Should have gone to my GP about the lightheadedness getting worse. I learned my lesson! If one doctor doesn't listen to you ... go to another doctor!
I am also changing oncos. Something is up with the City of Hope in that a management body is trying to make the doctors more cost conscious, and make them all join a union.
The City of Hope has many benefactors, but there you go, someone with the purse strings says, "We can't sit on laurels or philanthropists, we have to stare down those costs."
My doc did get me a brain scan for the lightheadedness - no cancer there, AMEN. But after that, she and her nurse just said, "Drink more water." Please. sigh. At the very least, one of them should have advised me to see my GP.
Also, the City of Hope is in Duarte, CA, and I live far enough away not to be making that drive anymore. I wouldn't ask anyone to make it for me. Too much to ask.
Something weird has transpired with my onco in the past three months - she got, well, frumpy. She used to be so particular about her streak frosted hair and make-up, and then she got a case of bed head. I thought that was weird for a woman so particular to stop being so particular. Maybe something personal going on in her life?
Ladies - You can't just hand over the steering wheel to your onco. Befriend your GP. Go in to see your GP. If nothing more, you need a blood panel done on your body's levels, vitamins and minerals (like Vitamin D) to see if chemo and/or rads has whacked the heck out of them and you need supplements. Your body AND your brain are crying out for nutrition repair.
There are people on the boards who swear by exercise. I'm too tired to exercise. I salute them, then, I lie down.
Doctors are people, I repeat (as I have said it before), Doctors are people - just like you and me. They can miss stuff, not realize the severity, or go myopic vision on killing the cancer cells and block out all else that is plaguing your body.
Sometimes,... sometimes I say (to myself), "Yeah, cancer patients have to be tough, the system is trying to kill us." What I mean is, they ARE trying to find medicines, treatments, cures, etc., but no one looks at your total mind, body, spirit, and life but YOU.
So many family members complicate the lives of the ladies on the boards. Hey, if it isn't one thing, it would be another. I am so amazed at how many of you can hold down employment during chemo/rads. My SEs get worse and worse. The ER has been my second home this year.
I see that I am getting older because time is more precious and I don't have the time to listen to immaturity out of kindness as I once did. There are people who run their lives like a soap-opera that are our friends, neighbors, relatives, co-workers, etc. - and you can't make anyone grow up or become mature. The older they are, the more they insist they are doing their best or that you don't want them to be happy. Peter Pan is alive and well, and so is his Wendy!
We do not have time to tear ourselves down, that's the world's "job" and it shows no signs of retiring from it, okay? Be better to yourself. Yes, YOU. Be better to yourself.
-sessna1
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Oh Sessna...how I have missed your posts! It was exactly the laugh I needed on this rainy (what day is it anyway???) morning. I know you fractured your leg...but I guess I missed - or forgot (sigh) that you had to go to a rehab facility. I can only imagine how that was. I was horrified by the one my mother was in a few years ago. It was half psych ward, half nursing home -with a few rehab patients thrown in for good measure!
I am glad you are home, and I will take your words to heart. It is good advice, to make sure we are looking after US. Because you're right, no one else see's the whole person.
Jane...how are you today? Check in girl...we know you have a lot going on so don't let it get the better of you...
Gotta earn my pay ladies...just wanted to pop in to say hello!!!
(hello)
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I agree with you guys about the PCP. He's the one sending me to the dermatologist for the ?skin cancer on my back (thank you radiation ?) and the bone scan. I am cautiously optomistic. I try to be rational and say that the aches and pains are normal, but part of me worries that I have mets to the ribs. I guess that's normal, though. Do you know there is only one Friday the 13th in 2010? ....and it's this month? I see my onc on 8/13. August is a good/bad month for me. I found my lump 8/8/08. I had my mammo 8/11/08. I had my biopsy 8/13/08 and I was told I had cancer 8/15/08. But....my birthday is 8/22.
I saw my (ex) therapist at a picnic on Saturday. We remain friends now that I am "cured" according to my insurance company. She asked me how I was doing. I said, "you're not my therapist anymore, you don't want to know!" I told her how my DH (who she has met) told me I was going to grow into a lonely old woman. She told me I had more friends than he did, so that wouldn't happen. I also told her that he told me I needed therapy, but that I didn't tell him that she would tell me to leave him. She just laughed.
Barbe - I'm still a Canadian citizen. Can I move in with you?
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calling all sistas...ive been into astrology for years.aug.is a crazy month.everyone is angry,confused and plans will change unexpectedly.beware...im going to dr#3 next wed.only GOD knows whats gonna happen...so fasten your seatbelts and get ready for a ride...just remember we are all in this together so we can bitch,moan and groan to each other.screw everything else.there is a safety in numbers.READY,AIM,FIRE..
I pray for my sistas every day.God bless
K
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Jane, my doors are open to you but not HIM. We could have a pajama party and bash our exes!
You may not have an ex yet....but you will! Come on up! 0 -
ive been in bed, so needed to catch up w/ reading posts. im so glad your leg is ok now, sessna and your home. when i get really overwhelmed, as i have been ;ately, i tell DH i want to go to rehab or the hosp. actually went to er wk ago;; but they did NOTHING..wouldnt take blood sample i wanted.3 drs, includinf onco will take cbc yet. last time i had this problem, i ended up w/ mrsa. so, will see gp fri. he's always willing to do as i ask, if only to allay my fears.wound is actually beginning to close these last few days, but bed resy is getting so old..pray for me ladies, im deteriorating, and it isnt the cancer (thank God) but the ms that they dont know anything about..JANE, im so vewry sorry for your situation. he sounds like a real cold hearted man. remember, KARMA is a B@@@@see, i canfollow theyre STUPID rules. try hard to save some $ from groc, or anywhere, and stash it. that will be the beg. of you finding your freedom. i did that over 25 yrs ago, and ende uop with a wonderful man who drives me crazy from loving me "too much" but I'LL take it. please hold on to our hands, know you have friends here..light and love, 3jaysmom0
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Sessna1, I sure hope you weren't offended by the dinosaur cartoon I posted. The inside of the card is stupid and IMHO totally inappropriate. But I empathize with the dinosaurs. I think we've all been there.
I used to have orthostatic hypotension (pre-BC). I complained about it to the doc who was monitoring the effectiveness of my BP meds. I told him I would almost pass out if I stood up quickly after bending over to look at something on the lowest shelf at WalMart. Twice I had to sit down on the dirty floor with my head tucked, just to keep from keeling over right there in the toothpaste aisle.
That doc said it was wonderful that my BP was so low when I was standing up. He thought that was just great, and there was nothing he was going to do about adjusting my BP meds. Grrrrr.... I fired him a few weeks later, when he insisted that I start taking HRT because of the very trivial menopause symptoms I was having. "If you won't do it [take HRT] for yourself," he said, "do it for your husband."
So I have hugs for you, Sessna1, 'cause even though I haven't fallen and broken a leg (in two places?), well, ...
Some days in the past 2-1/2 years, I've felt like those dinosaurs in that cartoon. The water is rising, and the boat has left already. Did I miss the memo?
otter
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Good news for a change....the spot on my back is a keratosis or keratitis or something like that...nothing to worry about. Let's hope the bone scan results are that good.
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A moaning, bitching and groaning....
I hope that my bucket list that included spending time with my family wasn't being holyier than thou - my son is in the Marine Corp, my parents are gone, my sister lives in Tennessee and my brother lives in South Carolina. I don't have everyday to spend with them. When I can no longer work, I plan to take my RV on a road trip and stay for extended periods of time wherever they are - and my son, well, we do visit when he gets leave but I am hoping he will be out of the Corp by the time that time comes - I will be parking my RV wherever he is and handing him the keys and that is where I want to spend my end of days - after I have visited the Rockies, the Grand Canyon, California, Jackson Hole and done a cruise in the sun and around the British Isles.
Just to moan and clarify that some of us are not so fortunate to have family near to them...and I hate f***** cancer because I can't f***** visit them anytime I want - treatment schedules, scans, waiting, work, no time left for real vacations - CANCER SUCKS the BIG WEENIE!
Ah, that feels better....
Hugs
LowRider
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Ah, I caused a vent! I am SO sorry LowRider! T'wasn't meant to be. I just meant that all of us were listing things like sky diving, scuba diving, travelling and then you get the person who says "I just want to spend my days with my family, I don't need to do anything special."
Reminds me of a Readers Digest article about 35 years ago. Someone asked all the Prime Ministers/Presidents/leaders etc of all the countries in the world what they would like for Christmas. Most said "World peace", "no human suffering", "cure for cancer", "no more wars", etc. Then you get the British Prime Minister who said "sugared fruit".
HEHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH
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Jane, excellent news! You done good!
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Yay, Jane!
I'm good at firing doctors - if they refuse to follow up on something I think needs it, I go to someone else. No one should have their concerns dismissed. They ain't gods, folks, no matter what they think!
Someone posted a new board about how you might have changed since dx; I don't want to post on it because I've become short-tempered, impatient, less-forgiving and just bitchier, overall. Not what she has in mind, I think.
I have a bit of fun trying to make up words for acroymns on this site- f/u could be f**cked up, instead of follow up, for instance. DH has so many possibilites - dumb, damned, deadmeat, deaf, disturbed - just depending on circumstances.
Got to run.
Elaine
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Yay for Jane! Now...start skimming off the grocery money
Lowrider, thanks for the perspective! I hadn't thought of it that way...but now I will!
Elaine...I'm with you - and I thought the exact same thing when I saw the thread ~ and also decided not to burst anyones bubble. I do, however, make plans if there is something I want to do -regardless if dp will want to do it or not. I do go to bed when I feel I need too, regardless if it's 7pm or not. I do spend $100 on good shoes if I need new ones. I DO have french toast almost every Friday
Gotta log off - storms are brewing in my area!
Hugs girls...
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oh barbe...don't be at all sorry - I needed a good vent today - nothing personal, I LOVE, LOVE your humor - just made me think a little and I do think a bucket list should include some really fun stuff you wouldn't normally do, not just be around for the family - been there, done that, ME time. Hellloooo! But to travel and spend time, well that is like 2 buckets in one! Or two things in one bucket. Or 2 items in one in the bucket. Or - well, how the h*** you would put it, its a toofer!
And it gave me just one more opportunity to say f**** cancer, with the appropriate symbols, of course!
Hugs!
LowRider
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Thanks for the laugh.....I do that too. Mine aren't nice either.
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just wanted to c in for a minute. hope jane is saving her "groceries". i dont really see a bucket list in my future..this economy isnt warentingsp? life, never mind cruises, or such. will find money for disney next year w/grandkids, tho, somehow. pole dancing is out now, no boobs, no balance, feet and hands have neuropathy..i guess not the best for hooking, either..am jealous you guys get to work, but so sorry you have to. im getting sick of being sick it SUX big ones...will be by when better..light and love 3jaysmom
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otter- Did I not thank you for the comic pic? It made me smile.
The first creatures that REALLY missed the boat. Don't change otter, don't change.I salute you for firing your doctor. What an imbecile. I have decided that at least 25% of them aren't listening very well. Repeat sessna1's #5 mantra, "Doctors are people, too." again. "Doctors are people, too."
Beware the phrase, "We will monitor you." Horse hockey. Monitor yourself and get thee to another doctor. My onco isn't the one who fractured her leg in two places and ended up in a skilled nursing facility for two months.
You DO know your body. Don't let them talk you out of it. When you feel like they are treating you "like a number" - try to get a referral from your local big hospital's oncology social worker(s).
I am still waiting for a book, memoir, movie, etc. from an oncologist who (sadly) ended up as an oncology patient. Maybe "they" wouldn't let the public see/read it? Teens will see horror movies, but normal people won't see "real" life. There is no guaranteed positive ending for that one - everybody is different.
Have you seen those "Cancer Institute of America" commercials on TV? I don't think that I like them. The small print says, "Don't expect these results," and the women always come out smiling. How about a 60 second spot of women who live with cancer saying one at a time, "I feel awful, treatment takes a lot out of me," over and over until the commercial ends?
otter- Did your orthostatic hypotension last a long time? Many times I think about asking my doctor to put me back on the oxygen I had with the pneumonitis. That would immobilize me - too much health stuff to carry/cart and travel at the same time.
"Do HRT for your husband?" Oh yeah. Oh, that was the time to get a new doctor for YOURSELF. I hope that doc retired soon and enriched some lives in the process.
-sessna1
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Just read barbe1958's 'sugared fruit' post from a few posts back. (Aug. 05, 2010?)
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Those Brits! They'll put it in perspective for ya!
Oh, that was funny. That was so funny. Thank you, barbe1958.
-sessna1
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sessna1 - I so agree with the stupid CTCA commercials...that is what they are, commercials! I know that they do save lives but GET REAL I have yet to see a cancer patient as put together as the people in their commercials and it does give false expectations to people who haven't a clue. When I was first dx'd I went to CTCA in AZ for an opinion, it was a long three days 'talking' to various nurses and doctors. No dx testing other than blood work and I really am not sure if they even looked at the films from my MRI/Mammo's that I brought. After three days one would think they would leave with an idea of options for tx but I got more concrete information from my local oncologist. I wonder if it is because I was newly dx'd and we did not know node status at the time but really with all the other markers (ER+,PR- and HER2+++ IDC, DCIS) that they were not willing to discuss options but I left feeling like I had just wasted three days of my life. But that was just me...I know other people who think CTCA is awesome.
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I suspect that CTCA is probably much like many top hospitals. If you present with a unique, difficult, interesting case, they are a wonderful place to be. If you are more typical, especially if your disease is caught at an early stage, you are probably better off at a smaller, local facility that will more likely see and treat you as a whole person.
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