Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Came to catch up...but turns out I'm to nauseaus to stick around...A BIG that SUCKS to anyone who needs it
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just stopped by to see who was hhere, and to say it all sux lately, but cancer sux ALL the time. hope your feeling better, navygirl..light nand love 3jaysmom
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Thanks 3jays...I finally had to call the doc. The nausea just wasn't ending...WTH, I already have 3 scripts on the counter from this sh*t...what's one more!
On the plus side, I breezed through my final today; my spanish class should prove to be interesting to say the least, I'm already wondering what the heck I've gotten into!!
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend...I have a pretty packed schedule so I don't know that I'll be back before next week...if I'm not - be well!!
(((hugs))))
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am so impressed, navy girl, moving, school, AND nausea...hope it all works well for you this week. praying for you, superwoman..lol light and love, 3jays
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navygirl, sending (((HUGS))) your way!!
I'm just popping in after a long hiatus from bco... hope you are all doing well.
A big THAT SUX to anyone who needs it!
Have a great Labor Day weekend!!
Harley
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Happy Birthday to me---one week late. i am now 49. For my birthday, DH went through all the motions, well sort of. But after all we have 3 monsters and my wonderful MIL and my very sweet stepdaughter and all of them expecting him to do something--so he ordered a TV series on line from I-tunes but only season 2 and I haven't seen all of season 1 and I've been on a big campaign for less tv in my life and was going to make stew or something for dinner and only organized going out to dinner because I said I didn't want blinking stew for my birthday dinner and he "forgot" to order a cake. Yes, you read all that right.
Per DH, we are having a bit of a "rough patch." This manifests in him barely talking to me [only kid related stuff] and not touching me at all. Example is if I tried to kiss him, he will not let me kiss him on the lips but turns his head so I hit the cheek [hey! I just remembered! Our now 10 yr old used to do that when she was 3. Of course he is 48 so its not as cute but whatever right?] . At the same time, he complains that I won't initiate anything. And it is truly amazing how far apart one can get in a double bed.....Oh he will go to a doctors appointment if I ask but its because husbands are supposed to do that stuff, right? And he prides himself on not being a self absorbed jerk.
Except that, IMHO, he is being exactly that. HTG, last week, he skipped our family vacation at the beach because he needed "alone time" so I took all 3 little monsters and my stepdaughter to the beach and we were gone 4 days. And yet, he announces that he didn't get the fruit dryer running yesterday because he needed a day off. [we volunteered to be part of a group at school drying fruit for snacks]
Well, you know, cutting up those apples and stuff, wow, that can really take alot out of a person.
Rough patch. . . how about my f*cking rough patch? How about my breast cancer diagnoisis and 3 biopsies and 2 surgeries and radiation and tamoxifen and 2 CAT scans and follow-up not only on the breast cancer but some ridiculous spot on my lung not to mention and a mountain of bills and just plain being petrified? How about working full time through the whole thing while dealing with a jerk at work as well as a mother who is a nut job [and dying of heart failure]? How about the fact that the only time the kitchen is clean is when my MIL comes over and does it because DH is playing on the computer all day?
I am seeing a therapist---his so-called "rough spot" is nothing new IMHO as I was collapsing from stress back in February when I was doing the surgeries--and I am on Celexa and I have the name of a marriage counselor and approval from insurance but I have yet to make the appointment. Part of me is so very tired of having to make all the appointments for anything and part of me is thinking "and what if he won't go? and what if he won't change? And what if we can't resolve it?"
If I divorce him, can I get custody of my mother in law?
My oldest started 7th grade today. 7th grade. He wears size 9.5 men's shoes. My youngest started 2d grade yesterday and my only daughter started 4th. I will survive all this. With or without him.
Rant over. Back to regularly scheduled programing.
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3montsmama, happy belated birthday! Rant away girl, you certainly have valid reasons for it. This is a safe place for it, and it feels so good to let it out. I don't see why you can't get custody of your MIL, my mother did when she divorced my dad almost 50 years ago. It sounds like you have a great relationship with her. But, you will survive all this, regardless of whether or not your marriage does. Give those little monsters a big hug when they come home from school today.0
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3monstmama: You can definately get custody of your MIL. I did when I divorced my first husband. She knew he was being a JERK and told him so. She also didn't want to loose out on the grand kids. Most mothers know when their children are in the wrong and will tell them so.
My 2nd husband and I have been together for 23 years come November. He however can be an ass too. He also goes to the dr. with me, just because he should. And so he doesn't look like a jerk in front of his friends. You know, being the supportive husband and all, but when we are at home, he's nothing like that most of the time. I know he loves me, but he can be a real ass sometimes. We got into a big fight one day and he said.."Why don't you just die already." So I said okay, but first I'm changing all my life insurance so that you don't get a f***ing dime. It will all go to the kids.
I know he didn't mean it. He just said it to hurt me. He appoligized like 500 times. When we get into it, we both say shit we don't mean. The only good thing is now our kids are all grown up and if it comes down to it...I can live without him, but I don't think he could live without me. He knows nothing about our finances or any of the normal household stuff. I take care of all that and always have.
All and all he's not a bad guy, he's just one of those people who mostly thinks about himself first. Always has and always will. I knew this from the start. So no suprise there. I got myself into this situation and I have and will live with it until I've had enough then I'll tell him to get the f**k out.
I love him too and he knows that's why I'm still here, otherwise I would have been gone a long time ago. Everyone has to deal with their own situation. It all depends on how much you can or want to handle. I've chosen to stay and work things out. Now we both go and do our own things, but still occasionally we do things together. It works for us, most of the time.
(((HUGS))) to all, sorry got on a roll there. Leisa
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Dear Connie07, I dedicated my rant to you:
I have been racking up my frequent flier miles on the regular admissions program at LBMMC now.
Back to the surgical table, and a new adventure with an aggrandized nurse.
I have had a hysterectomy, a mass was removed which was clear cell carcinoma related to the uterus (I think, or was it ovary? No. ovary was enlarged. Yes.)
The uterine cancer is not an offshoot of breast cancer spreading, per the oncologist per the preliminary report. The uterine cancer is its own incident, meaning that the breast cancer has not spread by lymph nodes to the uterus and uterine cancer has better prognosis options than the spread of breast cancer.
How's that for "good" news?
I wanted to sit up in the ICU, and my nurse had to have me do it HER way. I was 75% up, and bent over, and she wanted me to lie back all the way down, get pulled up in the bed, and then activate the expensive bed contraption to turn into a chair. My feet were dangling over the side of the bed, so at one point she pushed upon me and said she was just trying to keep me from falling out of bed.
I immediately told her not to push upon me. That wasn't restraint/support, she hurt my chest, and I all but felt attacked. Later, she insisted that I take a wheelchair to my room instead of a gurney to save her some time. I complained to about three (supervisory) people about that. She was out of boundaries. Nurses don't decide your method of transportation from floor to floor, your condition does.
I got a snoot full of nurses. Don't get me wrong, some are very very good. However, some are too limited in their reasoning skills, shortsighted, narrow thinking, and if ONE more aide or nurse had said to me, "Okay? You okay?" I was ready to scream.
If I were okay, I'd get up, go home, and leave you here.
Biggest pet peeve: Nurse Clean-Up. A nurse or aide will be throwing away your needed stuff at the same time as saying, "You don't need this," or, "You are done with this," or "I'll throw this away." They don't even ask if you need it first. One picked up my cup with half a swallow of cold punch left in it and she was wearing latex gloves, saying, "I'll throw this away." Of course I didn't want it after the latex gloves had touched it.
Moment of Amazement: An aide was trying to help me into a single stall hall bathroom on a procedures floor (I was getting an upper GI) and she wouldn't come out so that I could go in. She said, "What do you want me to do?" ...she was in the restroom, and I was standing outside ready to urinate on myself any second. I said, "I want YOU to come out HERE, NOW." I was surprised at the tone of my voice. I have almost never been so enraged. It was a stupid situation and I was going to be the one soaked with urine and smelly until I got back to my room.
They really should let you go to the restroom before any table procedure, whether you need to or not. Technicians and doctors aren't good at measuring time; it's always longer than what they say. Remember that. ‘Just 10 more minutes,' means 23 minutes more, minimum. They have the apparatus' controls and potential need for film do-overs, remember? You're just the body on the table being poked.
Biggest un-truth said in hospital, "I'll be right back."
I did stand up for myself a couple of times. Maybe that was a God-lesson to me. I had at least five medical teams working on me, at one time for many days with a minimum of ten people asking me questions daily. I was worn out. It appeared the gyno team wanted me to have a colonoscopy for the heck of it, i.e., the learning experience of their interns.
I know that colonoscopies generally do not hurt; however, my abdomen's digestive system had had a mass pressing on it for a month and a half then.* My butt had been hurting from pressure of trying to use it and having little success. You're not pressing anything up my already sore rear end, no Sir.
NOTE: You can ALWAYS decline a procedure - any procedure - and slug it out with your doctor. Don't let anyone in a white coat intimidate or push you around, you're an adult, honey.
That is all for now from Miss Sore Tummy (aka sessna1).
Love in Christ
Edna
P.S. My second oncologist let me down. I KNEW she was getting bored with my case. My blood clot in my leg and pulmonary embolism disqualified me from her clinical trial, so I was no longer of active interest to her.
- She should have had a biopsy scheduled and done my tumor markers when the MRI showed that the mass near my uterus was growing and that I had an enlarged ovary. Instead, she kept treating me for an estrogen tumor (with Femara), but not for clear cell carcinoma from uterine cancer which is what I have.
I would have declined having the autopsy done at City of Hope because of the distance from home, and I would have reported to my doctor at the Long Beach Memorial Medical Center to have myself diagnosed/biopsied/operated on. I was in a hospital about 23 miles from home a year ago, and I just hated being that far away from home.
My third oncologist is very close to home, and quite an exceptional doctor. My dad has him as primary, and he sends his associate to see me. He also came to see me in the hospital. How cool was that?!
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Oh, I have lied to my ladies. More writing from sessna1. I have a "reply post" here. So much SUXage...
PatMom and Traci T., thank you. I am smiling. Thank you.
Connie07, dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous - get thyself to thy physician and say that you are close to falling and passing out during the episodes. Get her to run some tests on you! Falling SUX. Co-pays sux. Falling and complicating your diagnoses sux more, though.
heartnsoul76, that was a great brief message. I would like to put in the archives of "Public Service Announcements." Testify! Tell it, Sister!
bookart! Thank you! All those commercials and programs directing us to eat better, and our incomes are generally NOT increasing. Better food costs more money. Vegetables are perishable (fresh ones). One lousy power outtage can zap your frozen treasures. Teenagers can eat everything in your refrigerator and then ask, "What's for dinner, mom?" Have you thought about drawing up a budget for your son and talking to him in a sit down about what happens when ends don't always meet?
You don't get to bail out faster than Wall Street with your parents, you do without going to some movie with your friends, you eat at home instead of out, and you DON'T loan your guy-friends money. Such a goofy "friend-pact" thing that is. Manage your own affairs until you got them down good, don't become part of someone else's system.
wishiwere - GENIUS. Genius you are! Pudding cups in the fruit drawer! Leftovers in the vegetable crisper! Priceless.
3jaysmom, please see my above post. Oncos can be myopic in their "kill the cancer cells, nothing else matters but getting films and numbers to decrease incidents."
No, an onco will not be your General Practitioner, Cardiologist, Pulmonologist, Gynecologist, Gastrointestinal Specialist, or Pain Management Specialist. We NEED a GP to help us manage all that's going on and to coordinate who to see for the problems.
GPs, as long as we have them, serve that function.
Sadly, most other specialties and GPs defer to the onco teams in your treatment; they have to validate their course of action with the onco who doesn't know your entire picture outside of the tumors.
It's not pointless or useless to advocate, manage, and help yourself. Please don't give up. Please.
I will ask again, ladies, if your local large health care center has programs to help cancer patients - referrals, advice, suggestions, lectures. Use those services, please - get a mentor, they are a wealth of information.
3monstmama - Hugs. Hugs. leisaparis - Hugs. Hugs.
I'm back on the gurney again, zipping down the hall with my transporter friend,
It takes some time to get picked up, and then brought back to where I had been...
When I'm back on the gurney a-gain! (Yee Haw!)
sessna1
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Sessna, you keep on declining having an autopsy done anywhere!!!!!
We need your rants.
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Sessna - Back on the gurney again! LOL. That's our saddle, for sure! The music popped into my head when I read the end of your post. I took today off after two very rough weeks at work - our busiest season and tons of hard physical work, negotiating with tempermental people, and just trying to make it all work. I'm so glad it's over. I took an hour tub soak today. House is a mess, dishes in sink, laundry not done, dead cockroach on floor - I can't be bothered today. I'm taking the day off and if anyone gives me grief they will be sorry. I'm just getting bitchier the longer this goes on. I hope I'm not an unpleasant person, but there is no reason to put up with bad care, people that don't listen, and other ignoramuses. Life can be, and is for many of those on this site, TOO SHORT for this BS! We need a slogan - BC = NO BS? Or maybe just a pepto pink shirt with BS with the crossed out symbol over it.
BTW - I'm trying to create a new festival - Kleynem Babka - it means little sweet cake in Yiddish. I think we need an official cupcake holiday - the Yiddish will just make it seem like it's been around forever. So happy Kleynem Babka Day! Not sure what day will be THE official day - anyday is ok right now. Go celebrate!
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3MONSTAMOM happy birthday!! unfortunately, late, like H.im not sure how Dear he's being.. hope all works out for you. therapy will only work if the 2 of you want it to.otherwise, make appts for YOU and Work on you.. a sad, but wiser girl i am. married 2nd time, much better, thank you......SESSNA.. got gp to cooperate. thanks for your advice. i hope all is better, your stories shadowed my experience w/ hosp.. im sorry your going thru THAT and, yet another dx.. will be lighting a candle, if your into that stuff..light and love, 3jays.
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Wow!!!! I'm gone for a few days and bam!! I just love reading the posts on here. I've been laughing, mostly, for the past half hour.
3mostamom, your post was something else!! So nice to 'meet' you and sorry about all your crap.
Connie, when you started screaming in caps at us, that cracked me up!!! You should write a book!
So should you Sessna!!!!!!!!! I agree with bookart about the 'back on the gurney again'. LMAO!!!!!
I missed you guys. I'm cheating at work cuz my boss is gone for the rest of the day. I got a new laptop for home, and I promise to check in more often. You guys so make me laugh.
Update on my sister....she's doing really good. She's getting nips next month, and is real happy with her tram-flap. Thank God.
Update on me: I'm doing good, but I can't prove it.
(((((((((((((((((hugs everybody!)))))))))))))))))))))))
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I'm sorry ladies...I hate to unload without even catching up - really, truly I wish I could but I'm not 100% certain I'm not going to puke at any moment...I've been having gallbladder issues for weeks now and in the past week it's gone from bad to VERY bad...random puking I suspect was the first warning I missed.
I have a major heartache that requires lots of prayers, so I ask my sisters here to pray with me -even though I have been absent as of late dealing with this; my god daughter found out 3 months ago she was pregnant. Everyone was over the top excited, until last Wednesday when we got the news that she was in danger of losing the baby. The long of the short of it is, there is no amniotic fluid so the baby cannot develop normally; the lungs and kidneys are not developing at all. The Dr. basically said IF the baby survives to term, once they cut the umbilical cord the baby will no longer have any source of oxygen and will pass away shortly after birth. I am just heartbroken, and so frustrated that there is nothing we can do to fix this. Please, please, please...a miracle is the only thing that can change the course we are on so pray for a miracle!
Thanks for understanding I'm just not in a place to catch up and comment...it doesn't mean I'm not interested and don't care....I'm just overwhelmed at the moment...
Thanks for listening...
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Prayers coming to you and your family NavyGirl. Feel the warm cyber {{{{HUGS}}}} for you.
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Oh Navygirl I am so sorry to hear of your nieces' trouble, my heart goes out to you all as do my prayers for a miracle.
Love n hugs to you and your niece.
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{{{Navygirl}}} Take care of yourself, too. Sounds like your gallbladder is going south - needs your attention, too.
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s sorry, nav girl. prayers in so. fla for all your family. get gallbladder cked again, girl. cyber hugs sending you all the light and love that descends from above. 3jaysmom
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navygirl, lifting up your god daughter and all the family in prayer, for strength, peace, guidance, favor and grace.
sessna1
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navygirl, we try to hug ever so gently the apologizers on this board into not doing so. No apologizing for human absences. Stay with us in spirit, thought, and prayers.
I know that I have been absent for days, weeks, months - because I was in the fine local medical center being worked upon. When one of us is absent, I pray that she is being given all that she needs in support to fight her trial. I never think, "Well, that //fill in name//! How dare she forget about us?"
Such thoughts should be followed with a thorough pummeling of that thinker with day old bread in the park. Thereby the birds can benefit from an ill-mannered attitude. (No, you have to take the product out of the loaf first, no whole loaf throwing.) (Ah, and yes, it is to emphasize that her temperament is for the birds... You got it!)
I don't know how the moms and homemakers and caregivers here keep up with someone else's daily living. I can barely do my own laundry, cooking, cleaning... Did I say cleaning? HA. I think there's a spider in the corner of my bathroom celebrating becoming a legal squatter. I refused to sign that lease he waved at me. A lot of nerve, the cheeky thing.
Even before that stuff, all that we weather with our doctors' visits, results, waits, and the people who ask questions that we're too tired to answer.
Tip of the day: If you are speaking to a person who is in the hospital or less than two weeks out after surgery, limit your questions to three and let the person set the conversation's limit. Don't try to do a Barbara Walters interview on them. Thank you for your concern, and if you let them have a post op appointment or two, they'll be in better shape to give you a clear picture. Most post ops usually don't have one yet themselves. That lab takes time, ya know?
I got so tired of talking to doctors and being examined. ‘Does it hurt here? Here? Oh, sorry. Here? Hmmm, you're still tender.' ... I could have told you that.
I'll bet that Scrooge himself would rather see a ghost or three once a year than be visited by the friendly phlebotomist every morning before 5:00 a.m.
See how easy it is to rant? Don't deny yourself the privilege of doing so among those that understand. The Bill Withers' song was "Lean on Me." Well, our song is "Rant with Me." Let's do some lyrics...
Rant with me, when you're not strong,
And I'll be right here; I'll help you carry on.
For it won't be long, till I'm gonna need
My friend-girls to rant on.
Please, don't be too strong.
Don't treat your heart wrong
By making it bear that load.
For there is a gift
When you let others help lift
And share your walk down the road.
sessna1
(Add more of your own lyrics and close with ending below)
Right on, when you need your friends
Rant on, when you need to vent
You got to go and rant on,
Go on, yes, I mean you, Hon,
Rant on, rant on...
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Great song Sessna1 and you are right on!!
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powerful stiff this morning.to ALL my sistas who are suffering i am requesting a group hugggggggg............can we all do this together????????????after that we can rant on and on and on...God bless all of you that are going through this very hard time.cancer suks.we bitch,rant,rave and groan BUT WE ARE GONNA BEAT THAT SUCKER.I WISH CANCER WOULD GET CANCER AND STOP HURTING ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE.
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Sessna...I needed that
thanks ladies...it meant the world to me to be able to put my troubles here and have such loving responses. I think I slept better last night than I have in a week. I'm still trying to wrap my head around planning for a birth and a funeral all at once, but I truly believe God will see me, and them through. No matter the outcome, good will come. It doesn't mean I've given up on getting a miracle
Love, love, love you guys....I really mean it. I have a pretty lame weekend so I promise to come back and catch up on all that is going on...
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Sessna what a neat song! Can we make a recording?
Thanks everyone for the support. It has helped alot, just being able to talk. My perspective is getting better now and I am focusing on doing what I need to do. I think the daily walk with my oldest is good and I expanded it by taking a different bus and walking in from there.
Semi rant, more a DUHHHHHH to share. A couple of days ago, DH & I are discussing the VitD drops [we have one with 1000 units and one bottle with 2000.] and getting the monsters back on because summer is over and they are inside and DH says "I can't find our drops, the 2000 ones," to which I say "they are in my purse," and he says "well I thought those were for us," and I was able to cheerfully say "No the 2000 units are for ME, the person with STUPIDBREASTCANCER. Use the others."
honestly, that is it in a nutshell---clearly I am surrounded by people squeezing their eyes shut and saying "there is, was no cancer....."
hugs to all and happy Friday! eerrrr, thursday. . . See! I am more optimistic!
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(((((Navy)))))) Prayers still coming your way my friend.
Sessna, give it up girl, your a writer, right?
I'm gonna have that song in my head all day now.Monster Mama, glad you are doing better!!
My crap for the day: My stomach just keeps getting fatter and fatter. Anyone else having this problem?
Love you guys.
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know that response, monsta mom..my sons tried clicking their heels 2gether, like doeothy in the wizard of oz..there is no cancer, there was no cancer, theyll never be any cancer.. what clods family can be.. thats why we need our sistahs hre/ pm me whenever... lsending light and love to your life..hope it will get some more light in it soon.. love ya girl..3jaysmomand SESSNA.. the song is awesome..can i share it w/ someone on another thread 3jays..u r an awesome writer..
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know that response, monsta mom..my sons tried clicking their heels 2gether, like doeothy in the wizard of oz..there is no cancer, there was no cancer, theyll never be any cancer.. what clods family can be.. thats why we need our sistahs hre/ pm me whenever... lsending light and love to your life..hope it will get some more light in it soon.. love ya girl..3jaysmomand SESSNA.. the song is awesome..can i share it w/ someone on another thread 3jays..u r an awesome writer..
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Its so good to be here. Sometimes I dont check in for a while but when I do, I'm always glad that I did.
There's some serious suckage going on. Things around my house are relatively (pun intended) quiet. Remember the bad son-in-law that I ranted about all spring? Well, he finally got the message that he was unwelcome as long as he is not straight/sober. He has moved back home to NC where his family is and has agreed to sign the divorce papers by Monday and return them to the lawyer, notarized. DD is very glad that he's not continuing to be an ass. She's been letting him call and talk to the baby over the phone before she goes to bed at night. Irks me to no end. I would prefer that he just spontanously combust.
I have to have documentation that my back pain is real before Nov. 1 or part of my income is at stake. The long term disability part. Apparently the insurance co. thinks that I am not so disabled by the pain that I could work in some diminished capacity. AS IF anyone would hire me. So, since my care in that area has been haphazard with pain management coming before an Osteo after a cervical surgery with vertebrael fusion. The Arthritis and bone spurs and pinched nerves need to be documented. So I had another Lumbar MRI and it says there is multi-level Degenerative Disc Disease along with the buldging discs and Osteoarthritis. If that's not enough for the insurance company, then I'll have to spatter myself on the front steps of their high and mighty offices. I'm a grown woman who has birthed 3 humans, survived BC and massive amounts of trauma. I should know if I have the proper amount of pain to not be a productive and/or efficient employee. Not to mention the tardiness and sick days.
I loved my job. Worked it 18 years. Felt like I'd had a death in the family when I had to stop working. STOP WORKING?? Hell, just keeping up with COBRA, filing for SSD, keeping gas in an old car to get to medical appointments and managing the co-pays is a full time job. It's just so degrading to have to defend yourself.when they already have ALL the reports and results. I'm tired of it ALL. The kids, the DH, the economy, dying parents, dying friends. Meds, food. . . air. Is there really a good reason to keep on? where? is it free? ...... help.
I'm in a dark hole and crying doesn't help it get brighter. Only gives me a headache. sorry. that's just the way I'm feeling tonight. tired. worn out. hungry and poor. Reckon I'm having my own pity party here. Didn't help to get scolded for writing an abbreviation of a "dirty word" either. Sorta zapped by sense of humor.
bummer.
~Connie
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missed you getting scolded sorry you had that happen. thought as long as we didn t spell it out, it was enough. am feeling so much like you, connie, looking for a way to dig myself out. started yet another antidepreesant. can you spell PSTD? we all have it, living thru the tx for breast cancer. you are in my thoughts, light and love 3jays
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