Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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I saw the cardiologist yesterday. He says we shouldn't do anything about the carotid artery - I told him my sister, who is a doctor, seemed pretty determined that I need surgery. He said give her his number and he would discuss it with her. I really like his approach - no surgery! He did say someone would call me about setting up an appointment to 'map' my arteries in my legs As I have significant blockage. If he can fix a problem he woiuld., if not, it looked like surgery - yuck! I see the podiatrist this afternoon - the cardiologist wants to talk with him too to coordinate efforts to heal my diabetic ulcer. Its nice we're all playing nicely together!
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Kathleen, if no surgery, could they at least attempt a procedure to clear the artery? Or medication to break down the blockage? Come on!! There must be SOMETHING they could do???
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Barbe...I don't have a clue. My sister will talk with him and translate for me. There seems to be some worry about the legs so I don't know how serious it is. I have complained about my legs for several years and no one thought to find out what was going on. After my podiatrist talked to the cardiologist he mentioned something about an obstruction in the thigh and once past that the blood is flowing since I have good blood flow to my feet. He said they would be calling me to schedule the work (which I already knew) and said "better now than later." I just want to get this stuff taken care of. I swear all I do is go to doctors. The gastroenterologist doesn't want to to the endoscope and colonoscopy since I had a stroke. They were saying they usually wait about 6 months -6 MONTHS!! I told her office that the cardiologist cleared me for the sedation for the tests and now she says they need a neurologist's clearance. So does that mean I have to find a neurologist, go see that doctor, get his/her clearance just to have a stupid test? I guess if I am bleeding from the gut I can just keep bleeding for another 6 months. If sound frustrated, I am!0
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I'm back! I am really starting to worry. What aren't they telling me? My primary care doctor asks me a rhetoric question of "why are you anemic?" with this worried look on her face. The cardiologist is going to schedule a "mapping" of my legs within a week and the podiatrist, after talking to the cardiologist, is saying better sooner than later. I'm getting conflicting stories from different doctors - the neurologist in Loudoun Hospital told my sister to tell me he's ready anytime I am to do the carotid artery - my cardiologist says I don't need it done - who do I believe? I am getting really scared.
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Kathleen, is there any way that your sister could settle this all for you? Sounds very overwhelming!!!
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Barbe ... it is overwhelming. I woke up this morning with the pain in my legs so severe I could hardly walk to the bathroom. My sister was out of town - came home late last night. I will talk to her sometime today to let her know what's going on. Whatever happened to the old fashioned family doctor who took care of everything?
Sometimes I don't think she tells me everything either ... is my paranoia showing?
I really appreciate your help - I can always count on you Barbe to cut through all the BS and get to the bottom line. Sometimes I can't see the forest because of all the trees. Thanks.
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I am having a tremendous pity-party hissey-fit !! I sure could use a fairy godmother right now. Nothing is going the way it should - much less ME !! MEMEMEME !! I am the center of the universe you know. I'm sick of being sick !!!! I'm sick of my family having to baby me. I'm supposed to be taking care of THEM.... After seeing doc after doc after doc, now I have to see a cardioligist & a neuroligist since no one has figured out what is wrong. After 9 months of comfort food plus 20 extra pounds, I'm back on my diet which I know is a huge step in the right direction but I've run out of patience - I want it all FIXED NOW.... I could also use an attitude adjustment - I don't like being in this nasty frame of mind. (&%^* *%#@^ &*%&^) - whew that helped a little.
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GREAT rant Mostly!!!! That should have gotten some of the crap out...right????
Hugs to ALL of us, especially at this time of year!!
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Mostly ... that WAS a good rant! I know what you mean - I, too, am sick and tired of being sick and tired!
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Thank heaven for this forum - yes, the blow-up helped. Wish I could use my mad for cleaning but just am not able to do that this year - I try to put away things but only last about 5 mins before running out of poop. At least I have been able to do some surface de-cluttering. My DD & her friend are coming over tomorrow to do the "real" cleaning for our DS's arrival next Wednesday. He said all he needs is a bed, & trails to the fridge, TV, & patio - he's from Anchorage so our WA weather is quite mild to him. I'm "counting my blessings" instead of pi$$ing & moaning about what I can't do.... I dearly love this thread - thanks buddies.
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Tomorrow marks my third anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy! Unbelievable!
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WOW!!! Kathleen, my 3rd anniversary was on Friday!!! What a crappy Christmas that year, eh???
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I've had better Christmas's! Of course, coming from a dysfunctional family, I've had worse
!
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I woke up with searing pain in my left hip - it was 4 this morning! Some medical professional needs to start addressing my health problems - carotid artery plaque - one says risks outweigh benefits and another wants to do it right away; narrowing blood vessels in legs and now a hip replacement. My cardiologist and my sister are discussing it. He called her at 6;00 Friday night and she missed his call - she said she would call him Monday - i bet she forgot. I'm going to call him this morning to see where we are!
My PCP emailed me that my anemia was looking better. That's something.
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That IS something Kathleen...small congratulations!! Woo hoo!!
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Okay, I just spent another couple of days in the hospital to no avail. I thought I was having another stroke and since mt cat scan (done while in the ER) showed significant changes from the one in October they were admitting me and doing a MRI (head and neck). The next day the neurologist said you can't go by the Cat scan and the MRI shows no changes from October. WTF? Every time I lay down or get up I experience severe vertigo - its only for 10-20 seconds but it is scary. I have had this problem since the last time I was in the hospital. Right before I left the nurse said the doctor wanted them to take my blood pressure again, give me another blood pressure pill, wait an hour and then take it again. An hour after taking the extra pill their stupid machine showed my blood pressure had gone UP. I kept telling them that if they get my blood pressure to, oh say 120/80 while laying down, I will pass out for sure when I stand up as my blood pressure from laying down to standing up drops 40-60 points! I am sick of doctors, hospitals, medical tests and medicine in generl!!
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(((((((((((((( Kathleen !!! )))))))))))))
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Thank you Barbe.
I am sitting here feeling sick to my stomach trying to digest the morning regimen of pills. I haven't even taken the multi-vitamin or calcium tablet which I believe are made for horses. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I feel like crap most of the time. Okay, okay, I know I should be more positive. Here goes ... I am POSITIVE I feel like crap!
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(((Kathleen))) I confess, I skipped all but the last two pages. Let me just say.... "that sucks....listen to my crap."
Is it possible that after all this time, everything still sucks? Well, not everything. I'm okay on the BC front.....since I haven't been to the doctor in over a year because I couldn't afford my insurance anymore.
Still in TX. Still live alone. Haven't had a date since I've been here....and that's been almost 4 years.
My reconstruction, still sucks. I HATE it. Maybe that has something to do with the no dates? Ya think? My stomach is fatter than ever. My foobs are concrete, flat hamburger buns that are too high up and too far apart with some soft 'ripples', when I lay on my back.
At least I finally made some girlfriends, and have been having some fun. Some times. Most times though, it's just me and my cats, and my TV. Usually about 13 nights out of 14.
Will I ever get out of this funk?
I'm seeing the guy in the original post for a family gathering for my Sister's 50th birthday. We are all driving from TX, FL, and GA to meet in Biloxi for a weekend. My one Sis found a house for us all to share. He asked me the other day if I wanted to maybe 'get our own room' at the casino hotel one night.
OMG.......
I'm so sorry about everybody's suckage.
This is the only place I can come to say what I really feel. Thanks for being here. I still love you girls.
Traci
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Traci, this is a good place to vent. Somtimes since my tx I find myself agreeing with a guy I know who claims that if the world didn't suck we would all fall off.
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It's 34 degrees outside and I have the thermostat set at 68, a wide, open window in the bedroom and all overhead fans going at full speed - we could cure meat in here - and I still get hot flashes and night sweats from the Arimidex...
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jan, sleep on towels. Honestly, even over your pillows. It's wonderful!!! The moisture is wicked away before you get really soaked. You may still wake up, but flip your pillow over and go back to sleep!
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Traci ... so sorry to hear about the suckage ... re reconstruction, can you go back and have the PS fix it? I haven't had reconstruction yet (talk about delayed reconstruction - 3 years!). I'm undecided about what I want. I have so many other health issues to address that breast reconstruction is at the bottom of the list. It sounds like Barbe has a great idea regarding night sweats, as usual. That girl has all the common sense that so many others are missing.
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I love this thread! Here's my rant!
The hair thing, you all are so right, if someone says "You look great with short hair" UGH! I had hair down to the middle of my back before FC (that's short for f***ing cancer). And I am so sick of people telling me what a blessing cancer is, "you just change your whole perspective on life and priorities change...blah blah fricking blah!" Well guess what you lucky son of a $@$#@ who doesn't have cancer, my priorities were just fine before this %$^% disease and now I can't talk to anyone who doesn't have cancer. If I hear about how they couldn't find a parking space, or their boyfriend is a jerk, or my job sucks...well my job sucks, I can't find a parking space, let alone a boyfriend with the lousy reconstruction and having a #^%^% butcher for a breast surgeon, and oh yeah and I have thousands of dollars of medical bills AND FC!
Nothing brings me pleasure anymore, because it's all colored with the fact I had/have? cancer. I am in a creative field and I can't even think straight I am so pissed at the world. And I went through this all alone. No husband, no boyfriend, no family. And I couldn't bring myself to ask friends and put them through what I was going through. So now I get to see a future that if this ever comes back I am alone, probably more so since I can't be around any of my friends I am just a bitch.
And I had to support myself through one of the worst recessions, trying to work in creative field where youth and vitality is prized. My few clients I had have moved on and hired other people instead of me so now I get to try to find more work, smiling and all that bs when I know I am now an mutilated dried up old woman....yeeefrickinghah!
Sheesh...thanks for this thread I thought I was the only one... I am going to go cry now, then clean up my lousy apartment and see if I can find more work....oh and worry about my upcoming MRI results. FC!
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rant part two...
So the National Cancer institute has the following on "Feeling Angry"
Feeling Angry
Many people find themselves feeling angry about having cancer or about things that happened to them during their diagnosis or treatment. They may have had a bad experience with a health care provider or with an unsupportive friend or relative.
Feeling angry is normal. And sometimes it can motivate you to take action. But hanging on to it can get in the way of taking care of yourself or moving on. If you can, look at what's causing your anger and what you can do to lessen it.
Really?!! Wow that was helpfull...so basically...GET OVER IT! WOW!
So cancer is a battle...The soldier...that's the doctor as he/she fights the disease with no real regard for the patient. The battlefield? well that's the patient's body, that is ravaged with each treatment...oh and the prisoner of war...thats the patient's mind and feelings. They scalp us, torture us with toxins and surgeries and isolate us from any information that would help us get through this. ( I have yet to hear a "prognosis" from any of my doctors...)
oh and let's not forget the interrogation technique of ..."GOT ANY QUESTIONS?" ugh just another escape for the doctor. He/she doesn't have to explain anything because the patient should ask a question....
So doc, here's how that really works....The world is coming to an end. A nuclear physicist says he can save the earth. Then says "GOT ANY QUESTIONS?" How does that make you feel. A bit overwhelmed? Where do you even start? Right, that's how a patient feels when you look at them after giving them their diagnosis, or long list of side effects and then turn to them and ask "GOT ANY QUESTIONS?"
...end rant.
Thank you for allowing me to post. I hope I have not offended anyone, that was not my intention. I wish everyone peace and happiness and a long life without cancer!
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Wow....I'm totally exhausted from reading your rant and TGod that you had this forum to do so Pixel. Many cyber {{hugs}} and prayers are all I can offer to you besides a good ol' THAT SUX Honey!
So sorry you had to join us to do it, but I hope it helped even a tiny bit to get that off your shoulders hon.TRACI!! So good to see you writing, but sorry to hear your woes girl~ THAT SUX to you also hon! Without your thread here you started so many moons before, where would some of us be with all this pent up anger we need to get out and have no where to put. Thank you again Lady for starting it!
To everyone I've missed, a BIG OL' THAT SUX and Many {{hugs}} to the oldies as well as any newbies......
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Barbe1958, that's a GREAT idea...thanks!!
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pixwl FABULOUS rent!! I bow to the Queen!!! Keep 'me coming sister, we can take 'em!!
Works every time, eh, jan!!
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wishiwere
YESSS! that rant helped alot! Life still sux but hey at least now I can finally complain about it. Thank goodness this thread exists!
Barbe
LOL! It did feel good HAH! great idea for the night sweats, going to try that one.
Thanks for reading and commenting..that helps too!
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Well yesterday I went to have a vascular procedure to correct some narrowed blood vessels in my legs ... all they did was map where they are and told to make an appointment in 3 weeks to go over my options. WTF. I just underwent having a hole poked in my femoral artery and nothing was done to correct the problem. I don't know, maybe he had to take pictures before doing a roto rooter on the leg veins but damn ... I wanted something done yesterday. Now for 5 days I can't lift anything more than 5 pounds to avoid opening the femoral artery. And I had to stay at the hospital for hours to await closure of the hole. I was there at 9:30 for a 12:30 procedure (they insist you be there 3 hours earlier than the procedure), and didn't leave until 6:30 p.m.! And I am being yelled at on the table because I can't keep my left leg still - I need a hip replacement and the groin muscle was seizing up! My back was killing me as a result of lying on my back for so many hours (with my right leg straight out).
So in a few weeks I have to undergo the same procedure. During our consultation appointment I am going to ask if I can I general anesthesia as I cannot keep my left still enough for the procedure. I had to have a shot of painkiller afterward because the pain was so severe in my left hip and and lower back. Maybe I should have the hip replacement first?
Sorry for the rant but this is annoying!
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