Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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Connie..................hope your having a good day today .................hugs...........well at least a better day......................I'm hanging in there, barely...................oh wait........................I'm not suppose to say that.................I'm suppose to SMILE and say ......................THANKS, I'M FEELING WONDERFUL..............
WHAT A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT.....................I can't remember when I last felt.......good, let alone Wonderful............................
Hey Barbe...................how was that for bitching.......................lol
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Hey Ducky!! Are you getting to your shore???? Where's the happy, happy, joy, joy duck we heard all last year? Have you come over to my dark side? I was just saying on another post that of course all I think about is my friggin' health!! That's all I exist for...going from one appointment to the next!! I have now been off work for just over a year on long term disability. We are struggling on half my salary but at least I'm not driving the car a long distance every day and only able to work a couple of hours and driving back home!! I'm on Morphine Sulphate now, getting up to the highest pain relief I can get without going into the final days of my life.....
I now fall a lot, to my left, so am getting a brain CT. Also bone scan and then a spine MRI this Saturday. Lots of crap going on. Stopped telling family what was going on as no body would probably believe me and I'm sure they're sick of hearing it!! The only thrill now is watching what colours my bruises turn....sigh.
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Barbe.........you just made me realize how "small" my problems are.............I hope and pray you get "good days"................
I am lost for words (and for me that is huge)...........just please take care of yourself, and I will be sure to keep in touch............I belive you girlfriend............just keep talking to the people who know you best......."US".......we love you...............hugs.
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Oh dear! I did NOT mean to minimize your problems sweetie!! I was just agreeing with you!! We all have our crosses to bear, I was just describing mine.
I've reached the point that I'd rather see my grands in pictures on Facebook than let them see I can't even pick them up! I don't want to be rememebered as the NaNa who was 'sick'...sigh.
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Oh Barbe you never minimized my condition.............I just thought............Wow..............regardless of how bad things get, there is always someone worse...............you know the old one about "I cried because I had no shoes , till I saw a man without any feet".....................If we learn anything from from this website, it is that "cancer is ugly"..........it ruins lives............hurts the best...........but on the bright side..................it brought us together.............and it doesn't get better then that................I could have never done this without all of you........my family was amazing, wonderful, and by my side through it all, but having everyone on here, truely got me to this side of cancer........................you are an amazing person, and you could never be an;ything but n'ice.................and please.............see those grandchildren............it brought tears to my e;yes when ;you said ............the Nana who is always sick........................I am a Nana too............so it touched my heart when you said that..................they will remember you well or sick, with love..............just hug them, and tell them your going to do the best you can................prayers to you.
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Thanks Ducky...
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Barbe, I agree with Ducky, Never had kids so can't speak from a grandma's viewpoint but I was one of those kid's whose Granny was always in pain. As a child I didn't realize how much pain, I learned that from Mom as an adult. By the time I was six she needed two canes to get around, these days she would be using a walker. She died when I was 13 and was using crutches. What I remember about her is how much she loved us and how I loved her. I remember the cookies she baked even though I can't figure out how she got them in and out of the oven. The stories she told and the books she read to us. I love her dearly and so glad I had a chance to know her. Don't worry about how your grandchildren will remember you. They will remember the joy you take in them.
One of my fondest memories comes from I was six and involves the canes. She loved to play at being a gruff old lady trying to catch us with the hook as we ran by. Of course she never risked tripping us,, would usually miss us compl;etely and laugh happily when she missed.
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Awww, thanks for the good memories chabba!! That gives me hope! I do know that my one grandson Zach is always very, very gentle with me, more so than anyone else. It's like he knows something....
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Sorry I haven't been around, but happy to finally find this thread again and see that I'm not the only one that still has a problem with everything sucks.
My Mom was diagnosed with Stage IV lung cancer that has spread to her brain. She's 70. I moved from Dallas to Tampa to stay with her during her palliative treatment. Except for a short time period when I thought I knew everything (14-16 yrs old) my Mom has always been my best friend. It's tearing me up watching her go through this.
There are six of us kids and the family dynamics going on around my Mom's illness is about to make me go insane. We all love her, and we all have our own opinions on what/where/when/how.
Mom's prognosis in March was six to eight months. She's doing chemo but had to stop radiation because the big tumor is too close to her heart and she had major complications. She had to have a pericardio window done to remove fluid build up. Her Onc was elated to report that according to the last scan, all but one of her tumors have been reduced by more than 50%; how can that NOT change her prognosis?
Everything sucks so bad right now, and I miss my Grandma.
I am still so grateful for this site, and all of you.
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Traci, so sorry to see you in such angst!! That DOES sound good for her tumours. Wouldn't that change her prognosis????? Here's a fun thing to do. Remind your siblings about something in your childhood that you remember very, very well. Then see how they remember it! It will be TOTALLY different. Totally!!! Stuns me every time.... We went through my Mom dying out west where my bro and sis live, and then my Dad dying here where me and my other bro live. Family dynamics are fun to watch! I used to say we put the fun into dysfunctional, but now I think we're pretty normal. Seriously. I think the social media has actually helped people feel not as disoriented and 'different' as before.
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I'm going to have to do that, Barbe. I've got a few memories I can try it on!
I spent a little time on the site this morning, and you (among others) continue to amaze me with your selfless contribution.
Mom gets another scan in about four weeks. We'll see what's up then, I guess.
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Oh Traci.....
That just sucks!!!! I'm so sorry to hear about your mom (but glad she's responding to the chemo). I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Trish
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good evening ladies, sorry I have been away for a while, think I just needed to talk a break. Too much nonsense, drama and craziness going on. Probably should have come and unloaded but it seemed like too much effort. Fatigue has been esp bad; had lots of plans and projects I wanted to work on this summer but between the fatigue and joints and crazy weather I have not done much at all. So frustrating, I wonder some times if this treatment is worth it all - I know its working and all but getting tired of the pain, joints, muscles, fatigue, digestive issues caused mostly by the calcium ! not so much from the pain meds, blech. Thank goodness for my children, mom, siblings...they have been so helpful, kind and supportive. You ladies have also been such a life line - thank you!
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EWB.........we're right with you.................I wonder sometimes if its all worth it too, but each night I take that "devil pill", and hope tomorrow will be a better day..........................hugs, and prayers.
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thank you Ducky, it is so hard some times to take the pill KNOWING how it will make me feel; if someone had to inject/infuse me at least I could be angry w them. I know that I could try another AI but there is no guarentee that I won't have the same issues or that it would work as well as the femara has. Since this is my primary treatment I want to get every second of benefit I can get out of it. Onc wants to save other chemos, targeted therapy and radiation for when other things don't work. Only recently had lumpectomy (dx in 2006 and had lump & ooph in 2010) and oophorectomy last year as part of the treatment since meds were not working as well (ooph) and rouge cells/lump showed up even though every other places was responding Does that make sense?
How are you making out? Where are you in the process/journey of healing? Hope things are going as you want.
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EWB..............if it wasn't for the "devil pill", I would just have the usual 77 year old, old lady aches and pains...........but this is terrible................was on Femara, got into the gap, and my co-pay went from $170.00 to $348.00, and in Sept 2012 will be $800.00............................decided to try Letrozole, which I didn't want to do....................that is $62.00 co-pay for 90 days..............so far I am doing ok.................it has only been about 1 month, but nothing worse then Femara.........actually I might even be a bit better.........really depends on the day........I worked in Pharma, so I do know a lot about the difference between generics and brand names, and they are not identical..........no matter what anyone tells you.........................the fillers, and dyes can be different, and that can make a big difference.................................so I told Aetna, I wanted Teva, as my manufacturer, and only Teva...........they are in the business of generics for years, and "do not send me any other manufacturer".........................each company uses their own fillers and dyes, so each time they change you, your starting another "new drug", even though the main compound is the same..............lots don't know this.................
So, I take the "devil pill", each night, and hope for the best....................when the SE's get too much for me, (which they already are), I will make the decision to either have a possible 4 more years of quality of life by stopping it...................or continue in the depths of hell taking it until something else "takes me" whatever it might be.
Sounds crazy I know, but to me, this isn't living, this is existing, day to day taking medicine that "kills you, while its trying to cure you"...................oh wait, did I say "cure".............now we both know that isn't happening..............or should I say survive.............what is survive............each mammogram, each ache, each pain, and each Dr. visit, waiting for the "other shoe to drop"......................now someone tell me that is QOL..............it is like walkling down a dark alley................knowing someone is behind you.....but they haven't attacked you yet......but you know it could happen anytime..................only difference between "cancer and the attack" is, we can run forever, and it can still catch up to us...........................it doesn't end............we go day to day, and just hope for a miracle...........................hugs and prayers............
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I have wondered how the generics differ in their efficacy and side effects. I really does seem like just existing, try as I might, I have not felt good, really good in yrs. But I am afraid to stop treatments, I have wonderful children that I want to be with and watch grow up, I feel that I MUST out live my mom (it would be terribly hard on her if I did not). Seems like so much time is spent in trying to feel less crappy, to figure out diet/nutrition then finding energy to prepare all the recommended food... sigh. Hope you are well today, hugs
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ewb.............Sorry I didn't answer sooner.....I was down the shore with my daughter at my house.......will probably be going back tomorrow for another week.................soon it will end........summer will be over, school will begin, and then that depressing winter.........................
Anyway...........I agree about not wanting to stop the meds.................some days I am ready to throw in the towel, but then think of what I might miss if I did.........my husband died 20 years ago at 57 of pancreatic cancer,and I can't do that to my children or grandchildren......but some days are hard to take.............however, I will go on trying, and hope the good Lord finds it in his heart to give me more good days then bad ones...........hugs.
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Ducky, I don't take ANY meds for my breast cancer. NONE. I had a 1 cm IDC, stage one, grade unknown. Is it really worth the bad quality of life to be suffering as you are? My cardiologist (just before I got my pacemaker) said "No, chemo? No rads? Thank goodness!" as my tumour was at 6 o'clock on my left side. I would have done damage to my heart and lung. I knew not to do that with rads. Didn't realize how much damage chemo did until I read longer in these threads and saw heart issues pop up. I was lucky I dodged both those bullets with a double mast. Doctors have applauded my "no recon" (asking for trouble, they say) and my chest stays clear and flat. I am only 54, but chose quality of life over quantity. I watched my Dad take 2 1/2 years to die from lung cancer and it was hard to watch him suffer. He was MISERABLE!!
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So sorry you guys are going through such a hard time. (((((hugs)))))
My Mom has fallen down a few times recently and while I think (hope) it's just fatigue, her Onc thinks it might be small seizures related to the brain tumor, so he prescribed her a seizure medicine. I read all the potential side effects, and now I'm afraid to give it to her. But, of course, I will, and she'll take it.
It sucks having to take a pill that you KNOW is going to have a negative effect because you pray the positive outweighs it.
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Traci, I began to black-out recently and had to get a pacemaker!!! I am now a heart advocate!! Get her heart checked out. I was found to have a Long QT Syndrome.
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Hey ladies,
I always come back to read and seems as tho l'll never be done with BC. Celebrated 5 yrs post bc surgery & rads just a couple of weeks ago. Silly me! Thinkin its over. And then along comes lymphedema with a side of brachial plexopathy. Like 2% of patients get this. Havent gotten a dx yet but im 95% sure thats what it is.. BITCH AND MOAN"..... AND SOMETIMES GROAN.
~Connie0 -
Connie, you can bitch better than THAT!!! 30% of us will develop LE, you just had to add BP with it, didn't you????
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Barb............I am feeling a little better.......just fed up with it all....................I think it might be a round of depression too.................The LE has me down in the dumps............but life does go on.........
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ducky, i know what you mean. suppose to leave early tomorrow for cruise but i think i have to go to ortho first. changed casts two days ago and hand is swollen. don't want to leave without someone checking it.
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ptdreamers, I hope you get a new(er) cast on so your trip can be hassle free! NO lugging luggage. Huh, wonder if that's why they call it luggage? Lugging. Luggage. Just a thought for the day!
ducky, hugs to you, sweetie!
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And now my dishwasher broke..........1 1/2 years old, and gets run just 2 times a week.........live alone, very few dishes, just run it to make sure it doesn't get an odor.
Now the dishwasher broke.........1 1/2 years old, and hardly gets used........run just to assure it doesn't get an odor........................so disgusted............just don't buy GE appliances
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Having your dishwasher break is such an annoyance. I am so lucky to have a man in the house that lives to fix things. It usually becomes a challenge and he ultimately wins so its good for our environment. lol.
I had to get up when I was sleeping good, go to lab for regular lab blood panel. Then I went to a dermatologist and had 3 skin spots removed. Two were frozen off, wow that hurt. I thought I had something frozen off years ago and do NOT remember having pain, but one of them still throbs.
Then I went to psyc therapy and that was very good. She bought two of my bracelets!!! I've sold more pieces this week than any week EVER!! And have commissions for two bracelets. What a rush that someone likes my jewelry as much as I do! It's hard to part with some pieces. HAHA AS IF. I'll try to attach a pic so you can see some of my handiwork. Got some redline marble beads and just love them. It's made me shift focus to more natural stones.
I'm doing better, mostly. Can you tell? Oh, also got a referral to phys therapy center to evaluate my left side for .... LE. and with possible rads induced bracial plexopathy.... If it's there, and I'm pretty sure it is. I will want to write a mean, mean letter to my "team" that abandoned me and ignored me and even suggested 2 years ago that I might have a "touch" of LE?? but never sent me for eval. I know the doctors are overworked and overbooked and can't tell a patient every possible side effect of treatment but, there's certainly better ways to treat people. Especially people you went to high school with. Yeah, we ... me and my breast surgeon... graduated same class, ! I did expect better.
DH's former business office has closed. all the employees gone, only the partner has his desk stuff there, like he doesn't know how to move it, or what to do. poor thing. DH has commandeered the former yard workshop for his new office. what fun!
gotta go, hip cant sit here any longer.. owwww.
Connie
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I am losing it.................just read that last post..................nothing like repeating yourself.........guess I'm doubly made...............lol
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