Im bitchy, I moan, I groan.....anyway.
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ducky, just figured you were giving up two view points!!! When our gas was cut off last year, my DH started washing dishes by boiling water in the kettle. I refused to do it that way and I was working so I let him do it. Then one night I went DOI!!! the dishwasher heats the water to it's own temperature that it uses to clean!! So we started running it and sure enough the dishes came out perfect!!! Months later we had enough money to pay our gas bill because my DH's Mom died and we were back in business. Now, showering was another thing!!! I realized at one point it would be cheaper to join our condo health club and use their showers than it would be to pay off the gas man!!!! But then it was late August and winter was coming so we did the right thing...sigh.
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Posterchild for the worst case scenario.
Thats what my new nickname is. Thats what my RO said five years ago. Isnt 5 the number of years that freedom from BC worries kicks in?? I want a do-over. Can i please have the last five years back to do it better? I promise to be a shining example of positive, faithfulness. Rather than the lousy attitiude, crybaby, whiner person.... that wasnt the real me. really.
Oh dear, i try to be a nice, happy person, and i keep getting knocked down. I dont get it. Didnt somebody promise a rose garden? How about the silver lining? Is that only on the west coast? Maybe its in Florida.
I got an A+ on my eval for lymphedema. Its positive that l have it now. Truncal, breast, back, shoulder & arm, recently in that hand. I go tomorrow to get massage lesson. I AM NOT HAPPY. Dcis, lump, that damn radiation. Everytime i say that word, i regress to the RO showing my burned breast to his interns and saying, "this is a worst case scenario".
Wish my leg had jerked and kicked him in the nuts.
Connie
I made some cash selling my jewelry at a shoe store last week, $50 bucks, felt accomplished, complimented, worthy you know?0 -
EXCELLENT job on selling your jewelry Connie!!!! I am SO proud of you!!! To sell your craft/art work is very validating, isn't it? Do you have pics??
And sweetie, you do know that 5-year crap is for OTHER cancers but not breast cancer! I see you are ER+, that is a slow growing cancer, like mine. We have to BEGIN worrying at the 5-year mark!!
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WHAT.?? Sometimes you joke around, bet you aren't kidding this time. NO, NOBODY gives me the right info. My "team" pretty much cut the cord when i finished rads. No follow ups, no post care inst. Or warnings, or preventative tips. I really feel like they took my dx so lightly, ran me thru the steps so fast and just skipped any wellness programs, assuming they had any.
So, i saw the LE therapist, she showed me the massage and said i have stage 1 LE.
GLAD l have you and this board. I know where the real truth can be found.
Im so PISSED, angry for getting LE. This shoulda been prevented and my anger targets the BS. She was so wrong treating me with such disregard. She said possible LE about two yeaes ago and then skipped or forgot to send me for an eval. Or ignored me on purpose. Kind of how she didnt have my ph number the day after my lumpectomy, so she never called me back when l called her.. crying in pain and so distraught. .. Actually laughed about it when l saw her next, like ha hah, we hoped you would call back. Im not going back to her. But not sure who else, if anyone, i should see? My PCP & GYN and Ortho about arthritis. Oh, and now a PT for truncal lymphedema. Woot.
Thanks for the compliments on selling some of my jewelry. I do have pics, not right now, but if you would like to see some. PM me and i'll send you my crafty Fb page name.
Guess l will be reading the le forums to forewarn myself about what to look for.
This is SO not funny.
Connie0 -
Connie, I am NOT joking. ER+ breast cancer is SLOW growing. I didn't even get chemo as chemo only workds on fast growing cells and ER+ (grade one at least) is SLOW growing, so no point!!! It takes about 5 years to show up, so if any cells have run amok, they will start to be big enough at 5 years to be seen.
I sent you a PM on your jewelry!!! I LOVE beads!!
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I havent had any imaging other than mammograms. They have done a dexa scan and back in 2007 a body (bone?) scan, i dont remember. My PCP does the blood work and will do whatever i ask, like thyroid, D level, and any other things ive learned to ask for HERE. I have no other real source of what should be scanned or tested or when. Feel like im swimmimg the english channel without guidance, support, or a safety net.
My DH is over stressed & overworked, i asked if he would help do the LE back moves and he did it. Wrong and incomplete. Hes the only one i see daily that Could help, but i guess has been overwhelmed with the volume of my issues and way-overwhelmed with keeping us in groceries and fixing & cleaning the cars, house, dealing w aging mother, lately closing the business and moving it home, etc. (it never ends). He has always been a hyper-busy type and leaves the details undone. I have always picked up where? he left
off, except for the past 3 or 4 years.
Sigh. Im pretty much on my own. At a crossroads in my life, searching for the answers and guidance to be a happy, loving and fulfilled Nana who can love herself, provide at least some for ourselves, the kids and the grands. Its hard when l keep getting slammed, tripped up. Makes the fatigue & depression a formitable foe. then wonderful women who have such amazing outlooks & positive personalities.... Die. Marybes loss has affected me so deep down. Brings tears as i write this, and i never got to meet her in person. I woke up this morning wondering how her dog, harley is doing, he must be grieving too. I sooo wanted her to get to europe this october. . . . Just gone.
I gotta stop, cant have another cry-baby day.
Connie
Moan, groan. Bitch. Another rainy day.0 -
My DH and I were going to drive down to her place for Thanksgiving!! She didn't know that Canadians celebrated the day (in October though), so we were going down so my DH and her could share cooking traditions. What a hole her passing has left in so many lives.....
You don't need anymore imaging. Just listen to your body. If something seems weird or painful, wait the two weeks to see if it changes. If it doesn't, get to a doc. That's it. It may be all over for both of us but we'll never know until we die of something else!!
Your craft will be your saviour. Trust me. My art has saved my life more than once.
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Im mad. Sad. In pain. Broke. Hate all of this,, Hate to use "hate".
Dissolving in tears with no provacation. Slept in and missed two appts. Today. Yes, i set the alarm, dont know how i didnt wake up, but two settings didnt get me awake.
The therapist yesterday was really nice but the massage caused a lot of pain. Im SOOO tired of pain, depression is setting in. dH is too busy to help or listen. DD doesnt understand and is understandably busy with two little girls.
Have i passed this miserable condition on to my girls or even my son??
Has it already been passed on to my grand daughters??.
My pity party continues into another day.
What used to be connie07 is now a fat puddle of self loathing that hurts.0 -
If you slept through two alarms, you probably needed the sleep more than you needed those appointments today.
The next time that you have an appointment with the LE therapist you will know to take effective pain medication BEFORE the appointment. That way you'll get the benefits of the massage without the pain. If you don't have something on hand, get a prescription from any of your doctors. This is the same principle as physical therapy that can hurt in the short term, but helps in the long run.
Five years is a very long time to not feel "well". A few self-pity parties are called for along the way. Take full advantage of today's, and come out swinging when you are darned good and ready.
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I figured out how to make the updates go to my regular email so hopefully, I'll be checking in more often. I miss you guys.
ptdreamers.. I hope you got to go on the cruise.
Barb, my Mom's largest tumor is basically wrapped around her pulomnary artery so that no doubt is having an affect. She started a new chemo Topotecab and Avastin on Thursday. Sigh....we will see.
((((((Connie)))))) sorry you are going through such a hard time. I want to see your jewerly too!! Send me your FB page!! Or, just post a link on here....isn't that okay? Don't break any rules for F's sake!
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traci, thanks for asking. yes we went and enjoyed alaska. i will never go on another cruise with a cast. so many stupid questions. our favorite "did you do it on board?" what the heck difference would it make where i did it?
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Ok - I've haven't bitched in a while, so I've got a few things stored up. I'm so far behind at work I'll never get caught up. Special project due last Friday. So woke up early on Friday to get to work and try to get most of it completed, heard a funny noise. Water dripping from the ceiling. Quickly found bucket. Run into living room and water is pouring down. Same thing in bathroom. Upstairs hot water heater burst. I live in a loft with beautiful 15-16 foot wood beamed ceilings. Water pouring from between the beams dripping on laptop. Of course it missed the big screen TV that 1/2 the picture is darker and can't be repaired. Water was dripping on my cell phone. Grabbed it and laid it somewhere I couldn't find. So ran across hall and knocked on manager's door. It never crossed my mind that I didn't have any breast on!
Long story short, spent all day Friday washing clothes. (Yes, I had several piles of clean clothes in the chair along with folded quilts.) All the bed linen had to be washed. We're talking about 5 loads including the bathroom mats.
Management had people in within a couple of hours and got the water vaccuumed up. They left 5 huge fans and a dehumidifier to run. Stuff is EVERYWHERE. Mattress in hallway. Stuff that was in cabinets and pantry on counter. Since I hadn't filed paid bills in months, wet papers everywhere. (Oh, and stuff was still out of the guest room closet from the last time there was a water leak upstairs a couple of months ago. If I didn't love this old building so much I would move! Probably not. That takes too much effort. Don't have the strength to do one more thing.)
Called insurance company. Says I've got a $1,000 deductible! What good is that? I couldn't come up with that much damage and they know it. Adjuster called and asked what was damaged and I mentioned all the clothes that got wet. He wanted to know where they were located. I told him on the chair where everybody keeps theirs.
I've been sleeping in the other bedroom on a twin bed thats not nearly big enough. Walked around to tuck in the sheet and stepped on an earring a few minutes ago. The post went all the way in. Had to use a fingernail to lift it up so I could pull it out.
Since I am diabetic with neuropathy (thank you chemo) I am headed straight to the doctor's 1st thing. There goes finishing the project tomorrow.
I used to be pretty smart. It takes me so long to do anything these days. I can't make decisions and the littlest bit of trouble throws me for a loop. Went to pick up bar-b-que for a tailgate party and they didn't take credit cards. No bank anywhere. So, late to the party. Of course since I have the truck, the party was late. Turn east on highway per my brother's instructions. Since I can't remember very well, I wrote the instructions down and they were on the seat. 5 miles later I still can't see the stadium. Brother swears he said west. Couldn't stay whole game since sitting for long period hurts my hips. Also, started sweating (thank you Arimidex) and since it was cool, then got the chills.
Can't seem to get a break. All I do is whine, whine, whine. Have very little energy to do anything. Found out have extremely low Vit. D levels. Started taking 50,000 mg per week. That seems to help but still don't want to do much. One more year of Arimidex and I'm done. Forget about taking it for 8 years. No way. I want my life back (such as it was).
Oh well. It's now 3:00 am. When I read what I just wrote, it doesn't seem like that much trouble, but I promise you it has been a terrible couple of days. Here's hoping next week is better.
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I guess thins really don't change this post was started in 2008 and we are alot of different people and we are all miserable. Oh Geeze LOL
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Stillkicking..................Promise I will not bitch all this week...............OMG, what horror........we had a saying at my house when something went wrong.......it would be "well at least it's not cancer"................can't say that anymore, and sure as hell can't say it to you, so here goes.....................I am so sorry for your bad day..........Imagine I got pissed this morning because my compter was slow.
Hugs girlfriend, and I hope you get a very good day, very soon...............
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Stillkickin..... I laughed out loud at your "on the chair where everybody keeps theirs." HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! That is so freaking funny. Your water heater busting...not funny at all. ((((sorry))))
Ducky, when technology doesn't work the way we want it to, it sucks.
ptdreamers....I would love to go on a cruise to Alaska. Maybe one of these days. Glad you went and enjoyed. Mostly anyway.
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Well I am going to bitch, but just once.......................I had my driveway re_coated on Friday............I was told don't walk or drive on it.........Ididn't I swear..........well today they came and took down the yellow tape, so I did park on it when I came home.......................................problem is they forgot to tell the squirrel............the little bastard walked on the driveway, then onto my flagstone patio, and left his funky little paw prints all over..................too many furry little rodents with fuzzy tails, to pick out the guilty one..............if I could I'd kick his sorry little ass from here to the corner.................and I love squirrels..............ok, I'm done....................
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Ok. I'll go again. Damn car battery. Had to jump it three times and l hate asking perfect strangers to let me jump off their battery. Then sit in sears for 2hours waiting for them to tell me the battery was bad. ...DUH. Poor George, the everything man in sears automotive. Waiting on one customer after another, constantly on his feet. Anyway only $50. To replace a 7 yr battery that was only 3 yrs old.
Damn lymphedema, hurts to do the massage, hurts not to. I missed PT today cause the car wouldnt start. I missed friday and she called me to see if i was ok. She didnt call today, prob thinks im trying to wiggle out of going. Was supposed to shop for compression cami this weekend and l did TRY TO try one on, couldnt get it past my shoulders. I admit l didnt try real hard but thats cause i couldnt. I have about a tenth of the strength i had 5 years ago. Sometimes i feel like im wasting away. If the LE has been with me for a long time already, wonder what damage its done? If you think your surgery site, or the arm, hand on that side is swollen... Go and ask for an evaluation.
Ive been reading on the LE forum and its so depressing. If thats what im facing, im not so sure i have the strength for that. But i want to be here for my girls, so even though it feels like being dragged thru the mud, i dont see any other way. My pain doc left. He quit his position at the hospital and went west. I cant get in to see the replacement til late oct. And my pcp refused pain meds. Gave me tramadol. Is the change causing depression?
Cause l cant take a whole lot more of that either.0 -
Connie, I cannot believe that your pcp is refusing to give you pain meds. That is just unbelievable to me. Can you scream a little louder? Gawd that's infuriating.
I checked out your FB jewerly page, very briefly though. I'll try to remember to look again today. I've managed to lose all my anklets.....
Ducky, I bet some people pay good money to have little squirrel prints!
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Traci........really funny......of course me, who jumps the gun at everything thought..................ARE YOU KIDDING ME........HOW FRIGGIN SLOPPY COULD THEY GET.........Then I thought........hold on, there is a pattern going on here..............then, just across the lawn, I see a little squirrel sitting looking at me, as if to say "go ahead big mouth, call the guy, holler, and make an ass out of yourself".........................my daughter, who had called said "well if it was the squirrel that made the marks, how come the driveway doesn't have paw prints on it too...........................I thought, ok "college degree daughter"........................because he probably weighs 3lbs soak and wet , and he didn't make any marks, but did manage to get "tar" all over his little paws.....................................the voice on the other side was silent....................oh well...........I still love squirrels.....................
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Traci, thanks for looking, l would love to help you replace some anklets. Thats one of my favorite pieces to wear. pain meds are getting a bad name, due to the fed gov sticking their nose where it doesnt belong and trying to FIX things, in georgia the gov signed a law? Im not sure what documnt, but all the dr.s are scared to rx narcotics. Even, maybe especially the pain clinics are being inspected to uncover "pill mills". Several clinics in atlanta have been shut down and the dr.s prosecuted. Its so messed up.
Ducky, if that critter got it on his feet ...enough to make tracks, then Theres a trail... somewhere. But its so cute. Unique wildlife art -garden art, thats more chic. Congrats! Probably improves value! You made me laugh about calling and hollering at the guy.
(sounds like me).
I feel better today. But the anger is just below the surface.
~Connie0 -
Connie..........hope you have a good tomorrow........hugs
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I had to call the firemen to help me pick Mom up off the floor again last night.
I'm just not strong enough to pick her up by myself. Thank God hospice told me about 'lift assist'. A non-emergency # at the fire department.I made her promise to call me the next time she needs to go to the bathroom.
My poor mama. This sucks.
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((((((((traci))))))), that is seriously sucky.
My mom tore rotator cuffs in both her shoulders taking care of my dad. Be extra careful not to put too much pressure in lifting, especially on your BC side. Also, ask about respite care, where hospice will take her for a week and give you a break.
We just moved my dh's younger brother to hospice. Today. Hes 49, been a drug addict for most of his life. Every now &then he winds up in the hosp. Gets better & goes right back to his drug friends. He went to hospice 6 or 7 yrs ago, got better & left. A nightmare child for sure... ALL of his life. His poor mother is 85 now and we have had to protect her many times. She's in assistd living and not taking this news about him well. She's under
hospice care as well. Hope that him passing doesnt kill her too, that would be like the final act of selfishness from him.
That wasnt very nice, but he has done horrible, awful things to his family. Hes like a 49 year old 15 year old.
Geeze, if its not one thing, its your brother.0 -
stillkicking, THAT SUX!!!!!! GREAT rant!! You should have told them the TV was in the deal!!!!! No point paying $1,000 deductible and having your rates go up though (even though they PROMISE you they won't, don't believe them!!)
ducky, just look for the squireel with the black shit on his feet!!!
Connie, you are on top of your LE so it shouldn't get worse. It won't get better, though. I was told to wear support hose when I was on my feet all day in sales. Words sound so soft and gentle "support" "hose".....NOT!!!! You have to wear rubber gloves to pull them up!!! Wouldn't that stress and strain all the veins that get pushed up?????? I think I wore them two times, just hurt too much to pull them up! How DO old people do this? Or am I old people????????
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Barb1958..............peeing myself laughing at your comment............funny thing is, I know the frigging squirrel that did it.................the little sucker hangs around the house all the time. lol
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Hi all, the brother- in- law had a heart attack on monday and he passed away. It was not a shock, but l went to the hospital and was with him til he was gone. A profound experience for real. I've never done that before -- being with another when they died. He was not concious but right near the end l swear l saw him smile. Probably not really, but it looked that way to me, and lm keeping it. He will be cremated, probably today, and now the concern is for his 85 yr old mother. She had a hard life dealing with this manChild, he constantly used and abused her and she was determined to out live him so he wouldnt be a burden on us. Now that hes gone its the first real freedom shes ever had. She is under Hospice care too.
I need an inj in my hip and had an appt but went on the wrong day. So now l can get it at an after hours clinic, but not with the doc l like and trust. Arrgh.
My LE has gone down, thank goodness, its annoying right now but better than painful and worrisome. Thats a good thing (finally).
What a strange week this is.
Connie0 -
Jeez Connie..... I'm so sorry. His poor Mom....
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Thanks Traci,
He was a extremely hyper child and was experimenting w drugs by 13. It was a gateway for him and he grew up stealing & angry. Either in jail or basically homeless, but always expecting that one or more of us would take care of him. We kinda took turns dealing w him. I would do stuff like find a room to rent, get him on food stamps, SSI and medical care. But he kept on partying, he would sell anything he got and ask for more. So really he was a huge burden, esp on his mother. And she had a guilt problem for his behavior. So she became an enabler. After 30 + years l understand why, but she couldn't help giving him money. It was a vicious cycle.
I think he had a good IQ but with the hyper-activity he couldnt concentrate. And the drugs made everything worse. Poor guy. He sure liked to laugh tho and always had a funny story to tell before he asked for money. And he always asked.
Seven years ago his heart was way oversized and we thought he would die. But he was the most stubborn man and decided to live long enough to get his inheiritance!! He lived for the day his mom died and he could get money. How sad, sad, sad.
I always tried to help him, somehow, without bringing him home or giving cash. Seems like the more l did, the more he expected.
Besides the horror of trying to grow up with him, my DH became indifferent and didnt try to stop me from helping his brother, but he quit trying.
Heres part of their story: the brother who has passed will be j, my dh j's 8 yrs older brother. They had to share a room growing up. J learned to walk at SIX months. By 9 months was scaling the kitchen cabinets. Their dad built a top to the crib, j climbed out the bottom. When they locked it, like a cage, he would remove a poopy diaper and smear it on the wall. They had multiple dr.s try to treat him but by a teen he wouldnt take the meds. He would run away, he stole a hugely valuable coin collection from his dad and spent it at face value after stealing their car and driving to mexico. Dunno why.
So, we are sad, but we are relieved a lot. His mom is not in danger anymore and he is finally at peace.
Sure helps to tell about it.
Thankx for listening.
Connie0 -
Oh, in the early years, when l didnt believe he was so bad, l took him in, one night when he had done something heinous and his dad kicked him out. And while we were asleep, he stole my car and went for a joy ride. In low gear, slamming brakes and backing into a pole. But he brought it home before we got up. Parked half on the curb and alllll the gas gone! That was the day l got it. Dont bring him home. At least not in the house. He could stay in the garage with our dogs. He could have leftovers if there were any and lF i wanted to feed him.
He would do chores if l asked and we mostly got along well, talking. He was lucky to get a ride anywhere and occasionally had a bike. (if l asked, like, whered you get that? He lied. Lied a lot. To the point where nothing mattered, like he didnt know the difference, truthLieTruthlie. Very different from anyone lve ever known. NOT cuddly, but a soft hearted little boy who desperately wanted to be loved. Knowing he couldnt help being who he was, but believing. Like a Peter Pan Robin Hood. Never grew up, stole to share w his friends.
Im thinking of speaking at a memorial service. I had a unique relationship with J. And even if l wish my DH, his only brother, would plan and speak, l don't think he will. Nor his sisters.but l could. I think.
Hmmm...0 -
You could do very well for him Connie, as you are not immediate family, and though emotionally involved, you have that slight distance of "in-law". Do it!!! The family will remember it for years! Either really well, or with anger, but no one will be ambivalent! hehehehehehhe Maybe they will truly see another side to "j" that they had blinders on - and you can't blame them!
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