Smiles, Chuckles, and Quick Laughs
Comments
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Subject: Wrong email address
WRONG E-MAIL ADDRESS
This one is priceless...
A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!!!!
A Michigan couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they
spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.
Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel
schedules. So, the husband left Michigan and flew to Florida on Thursday,
with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he
decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one
letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the
email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory
following a heart attack.The widow decided to check her email expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son
rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor and saw the computer
screen which read:
________________________________
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: March 16, 2009
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones .. I've just arrived and
have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!! Hope your journey
is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!
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Quote of the day:
Whatever you give a woman, she will make it greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
So, if you give her any crap. . . . be ready to receive a ton of shit!
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Hi All,
I am so glad to see the laugh section! I thought it was hard to find humor when I was dealing with cancer...so I wrote a funny book and it was just released! It is entitled: "Mirror Makeovers and savvy insights for the everyday gal surviving cancer and baldness with a sense of humor." It is a hands-on approach to dealing with cancer, losing your hair (even comes equipped with markers) and lifting your spirits. it is all about dealing with your emotions. I also wrote and directed a music video, that will make you cry and laugh. It was made by cancer survivors for cancer survivors, but probably the best thing to do is just take a look...and laugh!
My website is: www.QuietAngelPublishing.comand the video is on YouTube and the link is: http://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=9choRJAmoYA
Let me know what you think!
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Wow QuietAngel - the video made me cry - with bitter sweet happiness. Peggy the Cheerleader doll is just glorious. I loved it, thank you. Can I post it on my favourite thread?
big hugs
Helena
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love this one! (my name is Denise)
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Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
As a result, all of this made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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HEHEHEHEHHEEH
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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TOWHEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOLOLOLOL
AND I agree with Barbe.
Leah
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Guy gives his 85 year old father a surprise visit from a call-girl.
"Hi, I'm here to give you super sex"
"Um, thanks, I'll take the soup"Sorry. Pun addict...
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The Priest and his Housekeeper
An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the
meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and shapely the
housekeeper was.
Over the course of the evening he started to wonder if there was more
between the elderly priest and the housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the
young priest's thoughts, the elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you
must be thinking, but I assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely
professional."
About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly priest and said,
"Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner, I've been unable to
find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it do you?"
The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write him a letter just to be
sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you
'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not'
take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you
were here for dinner."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young
priest which read: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with your
housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with your
housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in your own bed,
you would have found the gravy ladle by now."0 -
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
They got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
They're such a$$&s ...0 -
I LOVE THIS SITE!!!!
When I was younger I used to carry an extra pair of panties in my purse in case I got lucky. Now, I'm 56 and I carry an extra pair of panties in my purse in case I sneeze.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA
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I second the HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHA
Too funny!
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Why don't witches get pregnant? 'Cuz their husbands have hollow-weenies!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN, EVERYONE!
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HAGROANHAGROANHAGROANHAGROANHA0
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I have a question????
why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
I have a question????
If it is true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
I have a question????
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men (or women in chemo treatments)?
I have a question????
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them and tell them to give themselves up? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
I have a question????
Is it true that you never really learn to swear until you learn to drive?
I have a question????
As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice.... When you put the two words 'THE' and 'IRS' together.... it spells 'THEIRS'?
Have a nice day.
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How It All Began
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com.
She said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. The drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "we need a name that reflects what we are," and Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO", said Abraham.
And that is how it all began, it wasn't Al Gore after all.
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Do you go to the Chuckles ? I think that if you go to the Chuckles you would feel very great !
I usually go to that .I hope lucky will go to the my fanmilly .
----------------
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I have reported this post.
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What happened to the funny? I need more funny.
OK. Here goes.....
Two old women were sitting on the porch of a retirement home. Just then, one of the male residents, an old gentleman, ran by them stark, staring naked.
The first old lady said...OH my, what was that?
The second old lady said..."I don't know, but it sure needed ironing."
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Those same two old ladies went together to the doctor for physical exams. One wasn't feeling so well, so the other one was answering most of the questions for her.
Doc: "Has she ever had sex?"
Old lady: "I don't rightly know doc, but if she needs it and Medicare pays for it, you go right ahead and give her some!"
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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a dry well. The animal cried pietously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. they all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. then to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
a few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off his back and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
******
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells by not stopping, never giving up. Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. free your heart from hatred - forgive
2. Free your mind from worries - most never happen
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. give more
5 expect less.
NOW . . . .
Enough of that crap. The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.
the moral from today's lesson:
When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
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Love the donkey parable.
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Ad Was Posted to Craig's List Personals:
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last. Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M EST.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend, threatening our lives and me.You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.
I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my Jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening.
Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head wasn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me... (that prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).
After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. She seemed to be extremely pissed at you. I'd maybe think twice about going home for awhile.Then I Went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life.
Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto. An armed society makes for a more civil society! See ya...0 -
Was that funny?
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An old man lived alone in Idaho. He supported himself by growing potatoes in his large Potato Garden. One Spring morning, about planting time, he wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Bubba:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later, he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Bubba
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area, but thought they looked everywhere, they didn't find any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba
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That's funny! Potato garden! Hahahahahahaha
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Recently, the Minnesota Orchestra was doing Beethoven's Ninth under the baton of Milton Katims.....
Now at this point, you must understand two things:
There's a quite long segment in this symphony where the bass violins don't have a thing to do. Not a single note for page after page. It had been decided that during this performance, once the bass players had played their parts in the opening of the Ninth, they were to quietly lay down their instruments and leave the stage, rather than sit on their stools looking and feeling dumb for twenty minutes. Well, once they were backstage, someone suggested that they trot across the street and drink a few brews. There is a night club right across the street from the Minnesota's Orchestra Hall, rather favored by local musicians.
After they had downed the first couple rounds, one said, "Shouldn't we be getting back? It'd be awfully embarrassing if we were late." Another, presumably the one who suggested this excursion in the first place, replied, "Oh, I anticipated we could use a little more time, so I tied a string around the last pages of the conductor's score. When he gets down to there, Milton's going to have to slow the tempo way down while he waves the baton with one hand and fumbles with the string with the other."
So they had another round, and finally returned to the Opera house, a little tipsy by now. However, as they came back on stage, one look at their conductor's face told them they were in serious trouble. Katims was furious! And why not? After all...
It was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded, and the score was tied.
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