Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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What a jerk! Doesn't he get it that you have been through so much over the last year? Doesn't he get that sometimes it takes all the strength we have just to get out of bed in the morning and face another day and he is going to try and screw you on this? What is his number? I think I need to call him and let him know that your BC ladies will not let him bully you. Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg, this makes me angry! I wish I was there to help. Let me know if there is anything I can do.
Love to you all!
Ellie
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Hi Ladies, sorry for going into hiding...my excuses are:
1 - Stupid internet keeps going down and I get too pissed off the fuss with trying to get it turned back on. 2- My hair started falling out so quickly that I looked like a fur ball and had to do something about it 3 - so hubby shaved my hair down to stubble...no more sneezing and using lint brush to de-shed myself 4 - I have been freaking out all weekend about going back to work TODAY!!!!! 5 - and I cannot figure out what kinda of head covering to wear...
My newly shaved head is like velcro with the hat liners/head caps (goes on easy but refuses to let go when I try to take off) and NOTHING LOOKS RIGHT... I feel 'ok' going commando but the minute I put on a scarf/hat/head covering I FEEL LIKE A FREAKING CANCER PATIENT... Call me crazy but I hate this!!! I know I am probably borrowing trouble where there is none (a family curse) but I really just want to crawl under a rock...I am EXTREMELY grateful to have this job to go to but I am scared I am going to fail...I keep praying for God's peace and comfort and then I start obsessing again (all it takes is a look in the mirror). I cannot afford to buy more stuff to cover my head and I hate everything I have...OMG I and sooooo Losing it over such petty crap and I cannot help myself. It's days like these that I really miss smoking!!!!
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Michelle--nothing you said was petty. Those are all very real concerns. I can't wait to see you log on and post tomorrow about how GREAT your first day of work went. I wish you the best!
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Hey Ladies,
Hope you are having a better day Janzin. Flarbio thought it was neat you were trying to teach me how to play Farm Town. I think if I didn't have probs with my pc then I would do okay. What I really need is to get David (BIL) to take my place for a little while so I can watch and see how he does things. Sometimes that's the only way I can learn. You must play real well, you have a honkin farm!
Glad I can make you laugh Nads. You see the reason you don't understand me half the time is, I have two personalities. Nancy and Pat. Nancy is nice and shy and thoughtful and loving. Pat is the one who kicks a@@ when Nancy or any of her loved ones are threatened. We gave me another personality when I lost my hair and flfish named her Susan, after Susan Powter. When my hair grows back I guess I'll just be me and Pat again. We'll lure your DH's boss onto the boat and throw him off without a life jacket. If he lives then I just say I was cleaning and thought he was a heap of sh.t!
Irene, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. I think you know as well as I do that if it hadn't been for this lung, I would still be smoking. I still think about it so maybe it's a good thing it's still hurting. OH come to Farm Town. Janzin has ...........Llamas! You get to design your own little character. You can always say you are checking on the company's investments. Anyway, we could never forget you! I love this bunch, that's why I'm still here.
flfish, glad to know you are safe and full of piss and vinegar. I wish Janzin would give you his #. Trying to remember where Naples is while I'm tracking these storms. Guess I could use a map. Duh!
Sending big hugs to mb, malle, and candie. Please let someone know how you are when you can.
o2b, hope you are well and chemo not getting you down. We miss you. Try to forget your underwear the next time you go out so you will have to tell us about it.
nobleanna, missing you too!
Love and hugs to all of the bcbk gals,
Nancy, Pat, Susan
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Well, I had my second interview today so now fingers are crossed. They will have a decision by Wednesday. I can't believe how much has changed over the last couple years since being diagnosed. Three years ago I did not have cancer (that I knew of), I was working 60+ hours a week and pulling in a six figure salary........today, I am hopped up on stupid drugs (Tamoxifen) and trying to get a stupid part time hourly job. WTF? How does that happen? Oh well, I don't mean to whine, just having a rotten day. I do know that it could be SO much worse, so I have to be grateful for what I do have.
I hope everyone is feeling well today. Michelle---I am so glad your first day of work went well, good for you, you deserve it!! :-)
Hugs to all!
Ellie
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Michelle,
I don't know how I missed your post, but I did. I am so sorry to have sounded glib in light of your pain. And it is real pain you are feeling. The fact is you don't want to stand out, you don't want everyone to know you are a cancer patient. Like you, I couldn't afford a wig so I did had to go with the scarves when my head was shiny and to keep from getting a sunburn. You'll also be surprised how cold your head gets in air conditioning.
I cried two times after my dx and the second time was when my hair fell out. But, you will adjust simply because you have to. There is nothing else you can do. After my stint in the hospital, I decided not to give a rat's bottom what anyone else thought, or how I appeared to anyone. I knew how close I had come to biting it. What I didn't know was that my DS was calling crematoriums and my DD had bought an urn. She took out a loan to rent a reliable car to come and see me. She is still paying it back. My sons were too scared to come. They could only do that when they knew I was going to live.
BC, rotten bastard that it is, takes so much away but don't let it take your self. Take what it can give you. A greater appreciation from friends and family. The kindness of strangers. People you don't even know starting conversations with you. At first I didn't like the attention but then I realized they needed to talk, to share their experience, and this was something I could give them. It was cathartic to me when I didn't even know it. It became easier and now I go commando without a second thought. Today a little boy at Wally beamed and waved at me and I loved him in an instant. I know you have to experience all of this yourself but I hope I have helped.
Janzin and flfish are going through some rough times as well ( and even more that I haven't mentioned ). Know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers and I believe we will see a better day.
Love and tons of hugs to everyone!
Nancy
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flfish, didn't mean to leave you out. Stinking memory. Am praying for you about your job situation. I know time heals but it can also be hurtful, when it passes and we can't go with it. The world keeps turning despite our private dramas. I remember 26 years ago I was making $10.00 an hour. If I applied for anything now it would be for minimum wage at some burger stand. And then I'd get fired for rousting the customers. That reminds me of a story to cheer Janzin up and maybe you too. Will try to remember it for tomorrow.
So I have a challenge that involves smoking but not quitting (in honor of Irene). What is the most embarrassing or funniest thing that has happened to you involving smoking a ciggarette. Think ladies. It will get your minds off of other things for just a little bit.
Good night to all, love and hugs,
Nancy
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flfish - I am so sorry you are having a rough day! I wish I was a writer like you, Janzin and Pantufas and could express all my feelings of heartbreak and encouragement for you and Janzin (and everyone else who is hurting to much to even post). I just don't know how to write it down without sounding like a dumb a$$!!! It is so hard to go backwards on the career ladder and it is a blow mentally, emotionally and physically to have to fight so hard to put yourself out there for job when you are still fighting and recovering from your treatments. I don't know if I ever felt more vulnerable then when I was job hunting after my dx. I am so pleased that you got the second interview and hope that everything works out in your favor!
Janzin - I am so sorry I missed Pineapple harvest. Sending you lots of love today and everyday!
Pantufas - I finally decided 'To Heck with it' and went COMMANDO!!! I'll be darned if I will be uncomfortable and in pain to make other people comfortable! I think a few clients were shocked, some were pretty uncomfortable and couldn't even look at my face (bald head) when making payments and the rest were ok with the whole nekked head thing. I am grateful that the boss did not do or say anything to make me feel like I HAD to cover my head. Just consider me the Breast Cancer Awareness poster for Northern AZ cause I am not covering up! I even went to the grocery store today with my son (someone has to push/unload the cart)...He is 14 and was uncomfortable at first but on the way home he said he was surprised that there were so FEW stares...I love that kid!
Nadine - I don't like your hubby's boss...he sounds like a total a$$!!! I have no words of wisdom or advise but I keep praying your needs will be met both financially and medically...
REKoz - I loved the Popeye Movie! Save your energy for healing and when you are ready you will be able to focus on quitting smoking.
I hope all that made sense..I have my days to mixed up that I took my steroids today thinking tomorrow is Wed and chemo day!
Lots of love and healing hugs to everyone!!!!
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O2bhealthy: Go girl! I am so proud of you. Going commando...love it. I keep thinking I am going to do that. My hair is so many different lengths and the scalp is still so visible, I don't know. But my hat is certainly off to you. And so glad you didn't crawl under a rock. Plus you brought me here to this forum so you best keep posting so I know your doing good. Also on the boss he is a horses a$$! Guess today in the main office he was yelling and cussing at his secretary and she walked out...but she returned because she had to do payroll or she may not receive a check either. We just don't know what this guys malfunction is but maybe a dose of BC would straighten him up.
Nancy I have multiple personalities also. I hide mine...those who know me real well know the different sides of me. I just love reading your postings. Wish you lived next door we would have one heck of a time in this small town of mine. We just may become the talk of the town.
You know was thinking reading postings on hair. We should just toss the head coverings off and say heck with it and no natural. You know Woodstock was this week 40 years ago...free love, drugs and music....we have the drugs and our love for each other is free, and music works.
Well the eyes are hitting the key board so I better finishing tomorrow. Praying for everyone who needs those special prayers. Love you all.
Nadine
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Hi Ellie,
If you dont mind me asking, what happened to you six figure salary position? Did you have to leave it because of bc or were you let go?
I am going to lose my job if I dont it back after being off for six months (it's their policy). I have to be back before Oct 9th. My last chemo treatment is Aug 24th and then I have radiation to go through. I'll be making a mad dash after my last treatment to get as much taken care of as possible so I can make it back to work. I recently learned I have another issue to deal with before getting back also, I have developed lymphedema in my arm......this whole thing just sucks royally!!!
I wish you the best of luck on getting the job!!
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Yay!!! for commando Michelle!!! That's the spirit!
Positive thoughts for flfish and her interview. Keeping an eye on Bill.
Janzin, hope you are feeling better. What a crappy thing to do to you right before surgery. Try putting off thinking about it for a fews days. I don't think anything can happen in a few days that will make a difference. What's the goober coming up with this now for? It's not april? Anyway, think about yourself and Taco and the little sausage, Puffer. BTW, Murph would love to meet Taco and he is great with dogs. Chin up my fine and stalwart friend. Onward and upward.
Well, Nads, I knew we had a lot in common and now I know why. So glad you understand.
Welcome jeanohio, you are right, bc does suck. Hope you are well when you have to go back to your job. Someone in the government should be making some descrimination laws to protect us but it doesn't look too hopeful right now. I guess that's why we have to keep throwing it in their faces. Looking forward to Janzin's lay down for bcbk.
Time to go take the magic pills that keep me functioning. Love to all of you ladies!!
Nancy
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Jeanohio--well, I left my old job for a couple reasons. Mainly I had to quit because the hours were so crazy and there was NO WAY I could go through treatment and work (at least at that job). Unfortunately, I was in new construction sales (I ran the design center. People would buy a house and then come see me to pick out their pool, floors, cabinets, tile etc....so it was very lucrative because it was commission based). By the time my treatment had ended, the recession hit south Florida like a ton of bricks and new construction came to a halt...so the job I had was no more. THEN my dh was laid off and that is why we are on COBRA. He did find a new job right away, but the pay is less and they don't offer insurance. But, you have got to take what you can get these days. I would love nothing more than to sell our house and move back up north (we are from Green Bay) but our house is worth 50k less than we paid for it 7 years ago, so we will just have to wait out the recession. That is my story. I hope the best for you and wish you the best with your treatment. You are right, it DOES suck!!
Nadine..you are funny, I can think of quite a few men that might learn how to be human if they had a dose of BC either themselves or to someone they love.
Nancy.....can you ask Pat or Susan to send me some of you magic pills? (I know Nancy won't do it because she is a good girl).....BAHAHAHAHAHA..I need some magic pills!
Love to all!
Ellie
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Thanks for all the prayers ladies. I just got the call and I did get the job at the museum. Not a dream job, but it is a job none-the-less. I appreciate all the support that I got from everyone! Now I just need to find insurance.....:-).....it never ends!
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Yeah flfish!!!! I would love to work at a museum! About those pills......what's your address? LOL
Has anyone heard from Janzin? I'm getting worried about her. I just left her a message so I hope she gets in touch.
Hey Nads, I live in a small town too. REKoz could tell you how small! I'm sure they all take a gander when I check the mail. Dead or alive? Hair or no hair? Walking well or barely able to make it back up the steps? I don't know why I should worry. One across the street still has their Christmas lights on! I'm afraid if we lived next to each other we would end up in the pokey. Any more I say what I think and do what I want. Within bounds of course. Today I walked with my DS and her dog, down by the river. The gnats were terrible and as I went commando, my head was getting burned. So I snagged some fronds off of a walnut tree and made a little crown with them. DS laughed and said I looked like Caesar. The wind was blowing the leaves and keeping the bugs off. You should have seen some of the looks I got. If anyone said anything my DS was going to say. " The chemo went to her brain." Well, that's true enough. When you're ready to answer assinine questions, no one asks!
Yo ladies! Stay in touch!
Lots of love,
Nancy
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BAHAHAHA! All hail Ceasar! Oh too funny.
Yes Ms. Janet, where are you?!?!
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Hey ladies,
Janet just called me back. She is fine, just has a power outage. Worried about Farm Town. LOL!
Which reminds me. I need to go cyber knife someone who is making fun of Flarbio's name. Too-da-loo
Nancy
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Hey Pantufas your keeping things going. Any word from Janzin.
Janzin- thinking of you and praying for you.
02bhealthy- Commando all right girl. But seriously I know how you feel. Loosing my hair was the hardest so far. NOthing was comfortable at all. I did hide under a rock and stopped going out to dinner and meeting only those I absolutely had too. That was not the answer, I realized finally I was causing more problems in my family by my depression from my hair loss. It sucks but it does get better. Commando is what I am doing now with my 1/4 inch hair. I am now thinking hiding my head at times was probably a mistake in many ways. MY son's friends and parents need to see someone surviving with Breast Cancer so if this year is my turn to be the poster child so be it. I recieved advice from my sisters co workers who are survivors because they went to work, or stayed home but they survived. They shared the good, horrible and ugliness of bc. So I applaud you, go commando, people will thank you later ...But do what makes you comfortable not others.
Fifish- OK you give me hope congrats on your new job. I am going to start seriously looking this weekend. I figure with this economy it may take a while.
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Hey malleme!
So good to hear from you! Janzin is fine, just a power outage. If you can be fine with a power outage with her fridge stocked for her upcoming surgery. Hope they get it straightened out soon!
I know your encouragement was for o2b, but I got a lot out of your words myself. Good luck on your job hunting. We are proud of our fifish!
o2b, hope your second day is better for you. Other than the loss of your hair, are you doing okay on chemo?
Good night ladies. Wishing you all a better tomorrow.
Lots of love,
Nancy
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Flfish - All I can think of is 'Night at the Museum' and I hope your new job is as fun and exciting the movie...
Pantufas - thank you for the update on Janzin! I was getting really worried about her...and her farm Got your instructions today and I will practice with the scarf tying technique - I am sure there will be times where my head will get cold and I'll need a little added protection on my head...you must be quite an artist, your sketches are terrific!
Malleme - Good for you for going commando...I cannot wait until my hair is back to ¼ inch long...right now I look like I have a 5 o'clock shadow! My mom had a hard time understanding my reaction to the loss of my long hair (took it much harder then the bilat mx)...the first time I cut in preparation for chemo I just cried and cried...the buzz cut was not as bad and by the time we shaved I so frustrated with hair in my face, food and everywhere else, it was just a relief. I tried SO HARD to find the 'right' head covering...I must have bought 20 scarves and a dozen hats at thrift/discount stores. I even bought fancy pre-fitted cancer scarves, hat liners and head covers...I just felt like such an imposter every time I put something on and then the headaches cinched it...It was scary the first time I went out in public but I just smiled at anyone who looked at me and went on my merry way. I will admit that I still startle myself when I pass a mirror so I don't expect other people not to be startled too and I still hide out occasionally when I just do have the energy to deal or answer questions. Good luck with the job search...
Nadine - All I can say is I am so happy you decided to join our group! I love reading your posts and am so encouraged by your progress after completing chemo...I know it hasn't been easily but we can do this!
Lots of Love and Hugs to All!!!
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Hi Rekoz, yup, we have the ex club going for sure. I am happy you feel comfortable with talking about your not smoking. Our intent is there and it will happen one day or year, lol. You cracked me up about Farm Town, lol. And it can get addicting, I am getting a handle on it now. lol. Thanks for being there!
Nadine, sorry to hear about your insurance. I wish there was something I could do. I hate feeling helpless. Love the different personalities, makes life more interesting! And your are a jewel!
FIfish, I feel your anger. They don't know that BC is enough to deal with. I am still not 100% at my energy before the divorce and BC. I am a lot more tired now, not sure why to tell you the truth. Happy you got the job. Sorry that you are not getting the salary you once had, must be tough. I wish I could do more for you than send you my positive vibes!
O2BHealthy, you are not being petty, you are being real! I hate when people try to comfort you with, "well you still alive". It doesn't validate your feelings that you are going through right now. My boobs are hacked up but I keep them covered. People tell be their the battle scares of life, which maybe on day I will look at them that way but right now, I just don't look at them. But I know it must be so hard for you to go to work and to deal with your chemo. Take it one day at a time, we are here for you. I remember when Ooe girl here was telling us a story about her hat that had hair connected to it. This one guy was yelling at her on the road and she took off her hat and showed off her bald head and felt pretty good about herself. I laughed so hard, wish I could of seen the guys face. So look for the humor till time does it's thing and validate your feelings because they are yours!
Malleme, love that you are going commando now. Funny how before I had cancer, I didn't hear about it too much. It was like a secret no one wanted to talk about. Now I hear it everywhere, all types of cancer. It is going to be part of my campaign for breast cancer. That's there is more than people realize and that a lot of us hide it well. I have a friend who is dying from brain cancer who doesn't want to talk about it. I don't blame him a bit. He wants to live as best as he can. But I agree with you, bc girls, do what makes you comfortable!
Welcome Jeanohio, hang in there and do the best you can. It's terrible that after going through cancer that we have to struggle with life at the same time as there is no room for us at times. But there are good people at there and there are jobs that will work with us. Come rant and rave with us and share the humor when we can find it, we understand what you are going through. Sending you positive vibes.
Wow, A lot of catching up to do after one day of black out which effected the whole complex and local business. Really missed you all and I kept walking by my computer the whole day looking for the light to turn on. Pantufas right, told her my crops died in FarmVille lol. But more importantly, hard to do business. Got some calls, have more people whop want to help with the bc charity event, brings a smile to my face knowing all the people who want to help.
Well check in later and think of a good cig story.
Love to all,
Janet0 -
Hi, I haven't heard it mentioned in a while but for the chemo girls. Have you contacted ACS and go to a "Look Better, Feel Better" class it's free and free makeup too. Shows ya how to put on eyebrows, make up, hairscarfs etc...and it's a place to see and speak with others going thru what your going thru and to come. I had went back in March before I lost my hair but now I was looking for the information because my eyelashes and eyebrows have continued to fall out weeks after chemo ended. Get the picture PHyllis Diller with mascara and a cig hanging out of her mouth............ now ya know why I am going commando I am getting some double takes so I do want to make sure my makeup looks good. Not used to wearing much makeup. and I'm not smoking. http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org/general/videos.htm
Boy, I have to say it is one weeks since the TE's have been removed and the permament implants in.. I feel so much better and more able to be a human again literally a huge weight lifed. I am not saying I didn't have a few cigs, I am no saint for sure but definitely easier since the surgery because my outlook it brighter and I am more comfortable with myself.
WEll Have a fun day the sun is shinning this week so far and in the 90's since Sat but we expect to be stormy this weekend. Those of you in the middle states it looks like your in for some freaky weather be careful.
Funny stories please.......
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Okay ladies, tired today and don't want to work. I hate this!!!! Where has my motive and energy gone. Will have to push myself today, one of those days. This isn't really funny, but it was pretty embarrasing for me. I remember when I was at a bar sitting next to a cute guy. I pulled out my new pack of cigs and started packing them. He's looking at me weird and I looked down and it was my box of OB tampons. Those OB have gotten me in trouble a couple of times. I once asked if someone wanted a certs and handed them an OB. Guess I should of choosen a different tampon brand, lol.
Cheers ladies!
Janet0 -
Hello All,
Just poppin in briefly.
I LOUDLY APPLAUD your BALD!!!! I buzzed my hair about two weeks ago and went to a family event without a hat. I am not doing chemo, just wanted to buzz it real short.
Love to all of you.
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Janzin that was good. got me laughing.
Seriouly how can we help hate to see you down. You have been so good for all of us.
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Hey, I forget the other update. My surgery was moved till this monday. Guess a new nipple isn't as important as the other surgeries such as the beginning ones. I remember they were rushing you in at that time. And I got the afternoon appointment. Well, it is an easy surgery, probbably be on line that night!
Take care all!
Janet0 -
Janzin! I can't believe it. I was working as a waitress once and was on break. I was in a booth with another waitress on one side sitting across from our manager. He was absolutely huge and had flowing blonde hair and looked every inch the Nordic god. This was quite a few years ago. Do you remember when Bic had those round lighters? Well, I was busy running my mouth and pulled a cig out. I reached in my other pocket, felt something round and pulled it out, all the while still running my mouth. I'm blind in my right eye so I didn't notice it at first, so I'm waving my hand around to emphasize what I was saying and noticed I had a Tampex tampon in my hand instead of a lighter. I was mortified because we were surrounded by diners. I screamed and shoved the tampon back into my pocket. My friend was sitting next to me and there was no way I could plow through her and make my way to the kitchen. I looked at my boss and he had kept a straight face through the whole thing. He looked at me and said. " Well, I wondered if you were trying to give me a hint or just didn't know what the hell you were doing." That was it. I began laughing and when I start it's like a siren getting louder and louder. I was afraid I was going to wet myself and it got worse every time I looked through the lattice beside me at the man there trying to eat his spaghetti. Janet (real name) finally got up and let me go to the back. I can't believe some one else did the tampon cig thing!
Okay. How many of you were in a club and went to the bathroom and tucked the back of your full dress into your panty hose and sasheyed back to your table with your whole back end shining?
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Hey Janet! You got that in before I could finish typing my blab. I'll remark my calendar now. Good luck and you are still just as important at this stage of your journey as you were in the beginning. If a blessing at all can come out of this, then it was meeting you and these other fantastic ladies on this thread. I have visited others and even have the poetry one but we are the tightest bunch of them all.
Love to all,
Nancy
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So, how do tampons taste when you smoke them? BAHAHAHAHA.....I did something similar in a bar, but it wasn't a tampon. I was trying to be the cool alluring woman because a HOT guy had just sat down next to me and started talking. I had a few to drink, so I was trying very hard not to show it. So, I lit up a smoke and lit the wrong end......and I tried to continue to smoke it because I was too embarrassed. This HOT guy just leaned over, took the smoke from my mouth, threw it in the ashtray and walked away. I felt like such a DORK. Here I am, trying to be like the ladies in Sex in the City and looking more like Ugly Betty!
Thanks for the giggle ladies! Oh the things we do to try and impress men! heehee....
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Ok Nancy, I have never done the pantyhose thing. I did however walk smack into a locked glass door in front of a gorgeous guy in a Jaguar who had just pulled into the parking lot. I guess I was not being too inconspicuous that I was staring at him. I am sure I looked lovely with my face splattered into the glass as I spilled my fountain soda all over me. Good Lord, I AM a dork aren't I?
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flfish, you kill me! How about sitting in a club thinking you are oh so cool and after having a few too many, putting a cig up your nostril instead of your mouth.
Come on ladies, open up. I know flfish, Janzin and I aren't the only ones. What is freaky is sitting with your friends Friday night after work and some guy comes up to you and says. " Hi Pat, how are you?" Problem is I didn't know him even after he proceeded to tell me how, when, where and what. I still didn't remember him. Must not have been much to write home about. How awful!
Hope everyone is as well as they can be. Thinking about you and if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride and we would all be on glistening black stallions.
Lots of love,
Nancy, I think.
P.S. Glad to know I'm not the only dork!
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