Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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I hit my 2 week mark TODAY!!! I am no longer going to count days, I am now going to count weeks for a while until I get to the point where I am counting months and then years!
I am only taking my Chantrix once daily and in the morning. I don't seem to need it at night anymore.
I am still having odd dreams and in many of them the issue of "smoking" comes up. I haven't been around anybody that smokes, none of my friends smoke. But in my dream I went by a smoking area outside of a building and I thought that I was going to break down and ask someone for a smoke but instead the smell really bothered me.
I hope that really happens in true life. I guess sub-consciously my mind is telling me that I don't need to ever smoke again, that I won't enjoy the taste nor the smell.
Guess we will find out soon enough!
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jancie..congrats on 2 weeks...I hope I can do as well as u have. I had 4 cigs today...hopefully no more tonight and start with none tomorrow. jancie are the dreams from the chantix? well, girls, I will be here for your help..I realy want to quit and I dont have the willpower to do it on my own.
hugs
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Ahhhh. Grrrrr! Stil haven't smoked yet!
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Yaaaaaay Janzin!! Congrats to Jancie! Remember our earlier thread where I mentioned that I love the 80's big hair and shoulder pads? Guess what's in the news?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090217/ap_en_ot/fashion_week_day4_5
That should keep ya'll laughing so hard you'll miss an urge to light up!! And on the bright side, should big shoulder pads come back IN, any weight we gain in our bums from not smoking will be offset by the gigantic shoulders. Sounds great to me!
Keep up the great attitude, gals.
Jill
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I want to get in my car and go buy a pack! I am so
right now! I went to a chemo class tonight from 6 pm to 7:30 pm. You would THINK that my dh would have made dinner for himself and his son. Nope....nothing. I call at 8 pm to let them know I am on my way home - wanting to see if there were any leftovers - no such thing because nobody cooked! Neither one of them had eaten and we normally eat at 5:30 pm.I had run all over the freaking place buying stuff that was needed, etc. since I am doing chemo tomorrow - had to go run all of my errands today. Did any of the stuff or groceries get put up? Did the dishes make it to the dishwasher? Did ANYTHING get put up?
DH is sleeping and son is watching TV when I get home. I had barely made it back home from errands at 5:15 pm, had just enough time to grab some yogurt and had to head to the hospital. I asked that things get put up. Nope, Nada, Nilch.
Then I get the sob story from DH about how tired he is, he had a long day, no he didn't have the energy to cook, and no he didn't freaking offer to clean the kitchen when I was in there slamming cabinet doors so hard you could hear it down the street.
DH "why are you so upset" Me "Let's see, tomorrow I go for my first chemo treatment and there is a chance that I could throw up for the next two days and feel like total crap and now I know that I can't depend on you to even bring me a bowl of soup or anything else because you will be too busy sleeping in your chair when you get home from work at 5 pm - so yes, I am pissed and upset. And why should this place go to hell when I am down for the count because you guys are too lazy to do a damm thing. Oh but since I am the female, I can be exhausted, dead tired, but am still expected to run this household, prepare dinner, etc." ($&&$^#^^#^$*$*(*($%($($(
I went upstairs and took a valium and then came down here to vent because I didn't know what else to do other than to cuss out my dh and that wouldn't be a good idea. I already told him I didn't want him sticking around while I had my chemo - drop me off and pick me up. I wonder how difficult that will be tomorrow or if I end up driving myself.
Did find out that I can take a valium before I leave home and they give the Neulasta shot before you leave the office.
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Oh Janzie- To put it bluntly, that SUCKS the big one! I can see why you wanted to smoke your brains out but then again, he would have succeeded in throwing you off track yet again right? You can't let him erase what you've accomplished so far. Keep thinking this is something that you are doing for YOU alone and don't give anyone the power to derail you.
Some men just can't deal with it when their woman isn't as "super" as always and perhaps as lame as it is, this is his way of dealing. Once he witnesses the effects of chemo, he may just become enlightened and step up to the plate. In the meantime, I say don't try to be that superwoman right now. You just can't. Bring a sandwich home for yourself and let them fend for themselves. You have to be selfish and stand your ground. He's a big boy and he will have to take care of himself and his son while you concentrate on getting through this hell. At the very least, you won't be running around like a chicken with their head cut off and he may just realize he has no choice but to take care of business. It might be a conversation you can have with him calmly (after a valium!) on the way to or from chemo today. And then no matter what, stick to your guns. There may be some days Jancie where that will be quite easy to do. You may not have it in you at all to run around, let alone cook dinner.
I'll be thinking of you today and praying that your first treatment goes off without a hitch. Good luck and you go girl when it comes to taking care of yourself.
Ellen
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Oh wow, Jancie, I am so sorry for what you had to go through. UGH, men can be such morons sometimes. Like you, I have had times when I look at my DH with fury when he acts selfish like this! I remember when I was going through radiation and I was putting my ointment on my raw burns and he came in going "boobies....let me touch them!" and when I screamed at him he sulked around the house for days because "his wife didn't love him anymore". Nice guilt trip, huh? That sucks.
Think of yourself and only yourself today. If you feel up to it, take yourself out for a nice lunch before the nausea sets in. You are in my prayers today. Best of luck to you. I agree with Ellen, let them fend for themselves. I assure you, they will NOT go hungry and the world won't end if they don't do the dishes. Maybe they will get the hint.
Hugs!
Ellie
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Oh Jancie, Men are men not the smartest people. and my dh is acting the same way. As if I am supposed to just run the household again. Since I sunday (my quit day so I thought) he has been useless. At least you had words with him at home my were at Walgrens buying my next chantix and having an argument with him at the counter about the cost. Real nice in front of a whole line of customers. I didn't even think of making that man dinner last night. And he knew it. I am just not up for men and their stupid tricks. I'll just say I am off my dh this week.
but you have strength from your past two weeks -- use it You can do it. I will pray that chemo goes well for you and someone brings you soup when yor hungry. Thinking of you all the best.. hugs
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I am so proud of all of you! While dealing with BC, just trying to quit is such an accomplishment; making it hour to hour, day to day, week to week, truly amazing! Backsliding, so what? You are there trying to keep all the balls in the air and taking on one of the hardest tasks (especially considering that cig. often= comfort). Literally, my hat is off to each of you. (Side-note: when I start thinking about baldness, wigs, hats, etc., I try to remember my reaction before my own BC. I just was sorry that anyone was going through this and just hoped for the best for each of them. SO, I throw on whatever and go forward knowing that the masses are wishing me well.) After reading the hat with ponytail experience, however, I am sorry I didn't buy one--- oh, to be mistaken for a "hotie"!0
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Jancie: I'll sum it up--most men DO NOT GET IT. If it isn't about THEM, then it doesn't exist. My husband was also useless when I went through chemo. In 6 months he vacuumed the house once and once he brought me a sandwich. The day before chemo I would change the sheets and clean the toilet because I wanted to sleep in clean sheets and didn't want to be looking at a dirty toilet bowl if I was sick; I let the rest of it GO. It's really, really hard to do, to let it go. But if they don't care, why the heck should you? Your focus now is YOU. YOU are what counts. YOU do what you need. On your way home from treatment stop and buy what YOU want to eat--and don't share it! (I have a husband and two sons, age 17 and 21. Basically, all boyz/men. I "hide" things from them by simply putting some other object in FRONT of what I want. They are genetically incapable of moving the front row to see if something is behind it. If I really want to make sure they never find it I put in on a shelf that they would have to bend over to look into. They NEVER find it then!).
If you husband is like mine, he'll even develop the same symptoms you have! If I had a migraine, he'd get a headache and have to lay down (usually when dinner needed to be prepared). When I had body aches, his back would hurt so badly he'd have to park himself in the recliner. I used to fantasize about taking him out with an Oozie and an all-woman jury saying "She is so NOT guilty. He deserved it!". Honestly, I think this is the way most men handle the stress of the situation. Men are programmed to fix things, women are programmed to talk about it first. Since he knows he can't fix this one he turns into boyz/man and his brain leaves him. You're not alone--there are many women out there who have gone through the same thing.
Remember--the focus now is YOU, and you're in control. That includes you will control the cigs, they won't control you. But if you do have one (or two, or whatever), don't kick yourself. As you know, &*$%^ happens!
Hope your day improves greatly and your treatment goes well.
Jill
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Webbie- Love your new picture!! You are as beautiful as ever!!!! Keep up the good work!!! Hope your feeling well!!!
Day 3 chantix pus Herceptin should be a real fun day since both are making me feel sick!
Hugs!!
Jancin- The best of luck today!!!! And No making dinner. I totaly had to retrain hubby, still is not the greastest but at least he goes grocery shopping now LOL!!!! I used to stock up before on easy things I liked. Hey were over a year out and everyone is still alive and well!!! You takecare of you!!!
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Hello Ladies,
Happy to see al the posts!
Jancie, I know how DH can add to your stress but you did it! I am proud of you. My ex had me in a pool of resentment that after our divorce, it was one of the perks. No more resentments!!!! Keeping resentments down is good for keeping your quit smoking program but making it through it makes you that much stronger. My ex would say you only had to ask. But I also hated having to ask too, like grow up or go play with your GI Joes on the freeway. Sorry, guess it is still there. Take care of yourself and set your boundaries! You are allowed some time for yourself and they will survive it.
Well I made it through a whole day and then today, I went to see my PC Dr. for pills, jumped on the scale and I had gained 7 lbs, I freaked out. My Dr gave me antidepressant pills but no valiums or ambien. It's hard to get pills like that but maybe she is right and I need antidepressant pills instead. Coming home I bought a pack and smoked a couple. Haven't given up though, I know I am quitting at such a hard time in my life so it may take a few tries. But a day in a half is huge for me, my best yet and I hope to be with you ladies that have gotten in more time smoke free soon.
Malleme, good luck with your DH and Chantix. Jancie is right, it does taste funny when you haven't smoke in a day on it.
Nobleanna, hope you are feeling better. Are you taking chantix after eating?
Nervousknitter, like the shoulder pads and good thing as it looks like it is going to set off my large bums.
Webbie you are still beautiful, hair or no hair! And you are a beautiful person! Stay in touch, we care about you.
Welcome Candie1971! Some are saying the weird dreams are from chantix, but I think my dreams are weird anyways, lol. Though I am dreaming more about cigs now but no nightmares. Chantix has really helped with the urges, makes them less intense and less frequent. I had tried cold turkey and using the patch and Chantix does make it easier. I do think I will get there soon as long as I don't quit quitting. So keep writing and you will find your will power and mindset and do it!! Good luck to you.
Take care all,
Janzin - Janet Z.0 -
You gal's are the best! You totally understand the bullcrap that we as wives have to deal with when it comes to lack of support or stupidity from our dh.
This morning it didn't start off any better because he started the "lecture" of how tired he was, he was exhausted, I didn't tell him to cook dinner, he didn't even think of eating, his job is so stressful - the poor me crap that only made me more angry. This was on the way to the hospital. I got up late so I didn't get to shower, ate some cereal and left because he was too busy to wake me up and I didn't set the alarm.
Forgot my cell phone and so we had to go back so that I could call him and let him know when he could pick me up. Forgot to take my valium so needless to say his pity poor me thing he had going just ticked me off even more. He told me "you need to tell me if I need to cook dinner" Me "why do I need to tell you since we normally eat at 6 and you knew I wasn't getting home until 8 pm - were you expecting ME to cook dinner, were the two of you just waiting on ME - I don't get that choice that I am too tired to take care of my houshold obligations! And what about just showing some initiative? Dishes need to go into the dishwashwer instead of just sitting on the counter tops along with all of this other crap that needs to be picked up - if I come and tell you to clean the kitchen then I am a nag. Aren't you the one that is telling your son all of the time to show some initiative, practice what you preach!"
I was so ticked off we got to the cancer center and I told him to drop me off. Originally he was going to come in with me until I was set up with the poison going through my body.
I went to the counter and paid and looked over, DH had parked the van and came into the lobby and he did stick around until they got the first IV stuff started.
DH then asked me if I wanted to eat Mexican food tonight - HELLOOOOOOOO - maybe you should have been at that chemo class with me - no spicy foods and no acidic foods and no fried foods! Those don't help nausea!
I did call him back and asked him to stop off at KFC for a chicken breast and mashed potatoes and then peeled the skin off the chicken breast. I couldn't think of anything else I wanted to eat other than my chocolates.
I think he might be a little bit nicer to me and if not I will just stay drugged up so I don't give a damm! I don't need stress right now! I so need to go see my horse tomorrow if I feel up to it.
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Candi1971 - I would have to say 5 out of 7 nights I dream of smoking - for instance picking one up taking a drag and then throwing it away saying "why did I do that, I don't smoke" or I dream of being around smokers and bumming one off of them, or holding my breath around smokers so that I don't get that urge. Really strange dreams with people that I have no clue who they are.
Weird dreams is a side effect but I don't think you have to worry about nightmare type dreams. If anything everytime you dream about not having that smoke - it reinforces your mental urge to not have one so it is a positive thing - at least for me.
Janzin - I think you might want to find a new primary care doctor or get more pushy! Years ago they were saying that Zoloft was the best pill for not smoking - an anti-depressant. WoW! People were not successful as they claimed they would be. Unless this doctor has smoked she doesn't realize that depression is not the reason why we smoke typically. We do because we are upset and we are anxious and we need something to take the edge off. I personally believe that ambien should be a given when you have cancer because our bodies heal at a more rapid pace when we are sleeping and if you have insomnia - your body won't get the rest that you need. I have found out that I don't need the ambien every night and so I don't automatically take it but the nights I am wired I won't get to sleep until 3 am if I don't take it. Ambien is not addicting. Valium is not addicting. I take what I need when I need it except these new meds with the nausea stuff and the steroids and Emend, I am taking that as scheduled so I don't get sick like a dog. Personally I suggest you go ahead with the anti-depressant and then return to her and tell her THIS IS NOT WORKING AND IT WON'T WORK. I AM TIRED OF FAILING AND I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TOTALLY QUIT SMOKING WITH SOME SORT OF ANTI-ANXIETY MEDICATION AS I AM READY TO EXPLODE!
I could not have even gotten this far without having both the Chantrix and the valium. Like I said, I failed 7 times in the past to quit smoking using all sorts of new meds out on the market, etc and finally gave up quitting a couple of years ago because I kept feeling like a failure. BC and Webby are the reasons that I decided I need to give it one last ditch effort.
I refuse to go through chemo, lose all my hair and then be told it wasn't effective because I smoked and therefore, the drugs couldn't do everything they were supposed to do. Now if I wasn't going to lose my hair then I would probably still be lighting one up here and there but I haven't embraced the idea that I am going to be bald in 2 weeks.
However, just for grins when I do go bald I wil change my avatar for you guys!
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Thanks Jancie for your advice. I will try the antidepressant pills and see how it goes. I do know that I have a little bit of depression as I find it hard to do anything, even cook, and I have to push myself to do anything so it is hurting biz too. Most of my friends wont see it as I crack jokes and I like to cry alone, but I don't cry all the time. I may try another Dr or hit mine again if I am still having the same problems quitting. I use to be superwoman like you and work long hours 7 days a week because I loved my job. Now I hate it as I hate doing anything besides TV. I do know if I could still the mind and start getting past each thing, such as recovery, biz work, etc, my mind will clear. It's just that I was just starting to feel almost like myself after the divorce and surgeries and other bad luck, won't get into it as it is a long story, and then getting hit with BC sent me back quite a bit. Quitting smoking right now is a really hard. It's almost like I have to choose either work or not smoke because the lack of energy I have. I do keep trying as I know things will get better in everyway someday.
The cool thing is that we all have grab the COURAGE it takes through a very tough time to quit a power thing such as cigs and that is so huge. You can scratch that off as if your climbing Mt Everest! So hats off to all of you ladies as we rock!!!! We are the Super Butt Fondlers.0 -
Hi Nobleanna,
I am getting pretty intense stabbing pain in my expander and I was wondering if this might be a sign that I am losing it. I am a little scared and will call the Dr tomorrow if it keeps up. I am hoping that I just over did it. Not sure if any of you other ladies experienced this, feels hard and like it's pushing through my skin.
Thanks,
Janet0 -
Janzin- Are you experiencing any other symptoms around the expander? ie' pain to touch or more importantly, redness and\or itching? If so, it could be a sign of infection brewing. This is an area where unfortunately I have experience and the redness in particular would absolutely be cause for a call to the PS. Not having re-read the thread, I'm wondering if you are going thru expansion now or has that not yet happened? These expanders can cause all sorts of funky feelings-particularly as far as muscle spasms. I have alloderm and they are right on top of the ribcage.So far, that hasn't been too bad for me but I have read about others who have had an awful amount of rib pain
And as far as antidepressants..As soon as I was diagnosed, my gyno put me on Wellbutrin which I had used years ago during my divorce. They help tremendously! BUT, my Oncologist switched me to Effexor for the purpose of alleviating hot flashes. Now, that has me tap dancing as far as no more waking up in sweats! It really has worked and does help mentally. Truth be told though, if I didn't have the flashes issue, I'd go back to Wellbutrin. I gave me more energy and didn't effect my libido as Effexor does. Not that libido is paramount during all this, but I don't think my SO would agree with that!
My smoking...uhm, well so far I have felt too good this cycle to help me not want to smoke. It's all me of course and for some reason, I just dread setting that stop date. As much as I want to get these disgusting sticks out of my life, I guess it's just not wanting it bad enough right now. I am however, cutting back alot and doing half at a time. I should have a better shot when I'm going into work full time as they banned smoking anywhere on the grounds!
I hope you have a better day today Janzin. And you too Jancie and everyone else, keep at it...You ARE non smokers now!
Ellen.
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Hi Everyone,
I hope all of you are well today, we are having a snow/rain storm so its really helping me to stay inside and not smoke. Today I start taking 2 pills YUCK!!! They make me feel like I am in my first trimester of pregnancy! waves of nausea, I even take acid reducer in AM due to getting sick on pain pills. But I don't usually eat breakfast so today made myself eat cheerios! Hope it helps.
Janzin- I got stabbing pains in the first 6months or so, it may be your muscle stretching. But like Ellen said if any redness or constant pain or even if your just concerned call your PS. That is what we pay them for. How long have you had the expander? How many fills? I never needed another cause he filled me to perfection from start unless I wanted to look like Pamela Anderson! NOT!!! unfournatly lost one of them as you know. mine was a constant ache all over and hot to the touch. I wish he would take this other one out! I hate being lopsided and am getting very tired of it. I have decided to put my Diep off till fall cause I am going back to work partime. It will so help me get out of this funk!!! I hope this is finding you with NO pain! Also get the antidepressant but you may also need a Anxiety med like valium I am on clonzapam which I have had anxiety/depression for years. I don't always have to take the anxiety med but its their when I need it. I don't like to suggest fibbing but if your pcp is tough about meds you may have to tell them your heart has been racing. WINK, WINK, and it may do so when your quitting I know mine did when I quit last time so its actually not a total fib!!!!! Let us know how you are doing?????
Jancie- How did it go??? Are you okay? What type of poisen are they giving you? I hope this finds you okay, loved your story about the friends and party Its awsome when you have friends like that. I had one of my closets friends and another good friend who owns a dog grooming business. Brought wine and did the deed! We laughed tried diffrent styles like mohawk too funny! Also we may be buying a Morgan out of Michigan we are awaiting video etc. They are really priced well right now and its a 5 yrold mare 15'3 bay fully trained and its really a deal of a life time. She drives and also has been showing in hand and my daughter can ride hunter with her. If this all works out GOD is definatly helping out. She has world champion bloodlines and kid safe you name it Adult safe for me to learn to drive her. Thats my dream! She is on DreamHorse.com under Morgans and she is in Michigan her name is Hyleees Janes Addiction. I hope all pans out alright. Iknow if it does not and shes not what we want due to bloodlines I could at least get my money back.
Malleme- Hang in there its tough but were tougher!!!!
Ellie- I agree with you mine just does not have a clue. I pulled my shirt up after Rads with major burns under armpit to my whole family! And they still watched me vaccume!
Ellen- Don't beat yourself up I smoked through everything!! I am a little disgusted with myself on that end. At least your cutting down feel proud for that!!!!!!!
Candie- Welcome and its good to have another join this wonderful group!!!!! I hope to get to know you better.
NervousKnitter- What can I say but you just CRACK ME UP!!!!! And I am so proud of you as I am with the rest of us.
One more thing to add about the topic with hair and inconsiderate people. My mom and I were coming back from a chemo appointment and were on the highway and their was a bad accident ahead so we had to detoure off the next exit. So like most people you let one in and so forth well this one guy was bound and determine he was not going to let us in and I was in one of those moods. I am a polite driver and most people in Maine are but this guy was A** and he was throwing his hands up in the air like it was a big deal to let us in my mom was driving and this guy was beside me and I told my mom to just go on and cut in frount of him like others were doing politely to everyone. Well the guy was pissed so then I am like you know what buddy life is to short to behave like a jerk and whats the big deal letting one car in like your suppose to. Well I got beside him so he can see me and I wiped my hat off and rolled down the window and stuck my head out and pointed to my head!!! I hope it gave him some thought for the day. My mother was mortified with me but I was quite pleased with myself!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!
HUGS TO ALL- Bridget
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Bridget, you ROCK! I am so glad you did that to that a$$. I hope that image of you pointing to your bald head made him think! If it doesn't then some people are just hopeless, but I think you probably made him think at least for a few minutes. Sometimes people just need a little "shock" to straighten out! Good for you! BC may have taken our breasts, but it can't take our "balls".
Ellie
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Hi ladies, thanks for the response and tips. No redness or itching. Feel better today so I think I over did it. Being my right side it is easy to do. I just had thought that the pain should get easier with time so when it really start hurting last night, I thought something might be wrong. Didn't know that this was part of the fun. I had one fill already and will have one more this Friday and I will be at the size that I will be happy at which is a full size C. Was a D before but it was impractical for my life style, can't shimmy in Salsa without being all over the place, lol.
I am taking Citalpram, another pill, another side effect possibly. My stomach is getting funky this morning. Need to find a Dr feel good as I just want temporary relief and not have to take pills every day or deal with coming off of pills. But maybe I should give it a couple of weeks, especially if it gets me back to working the hours that I need to work since my head is in a funk. My PC Dr feels that Valium is addicting and my problem is more long term so she does not want to give them to me. Going to check out my roommates Dr, he sounds like a Dr Feel Good.
Nobleanna, that is such a funny story. Had me laughing this morning, wish I could of been there. In fact, read it a few times just for the laughs. We should video tape some of these moments and it would be our own personal BC jokes.
REKoz, I know about setting that quit date, going on my 5th. I remember seeing a guy come in for a whole year at the NA meetings, still smoking before he quit. He had a real hard time letting go and probably wouldn't made it on his own as he was fighting a huge beast. So I think to myself if he could do it, so can I, even if it takes longer than him it will get done! I know you will too.
Candie1971, let us know how you are doing, even if your still smoking. Quite a few of us who still are but posting keeps us on track.
Still smoking but will try again soon. Choose to work today instead of working on not smoking, can't seem to do both. At least I will work till the pain gets bad.
Have a great day and keep up the good work.
Janet0 -
I am home late again after being gone all day and don't have time to read 2 pages of threads that I am behind on but I promise I will get back to each and everyone of you tomorrow.
Jancie busted it today on Day #16. I went to the barn in a hurry, forgot to take my chantrix, left my valium at home and was gone for 5 hours - that was all it took. Tomorrow is another day and I am going to pretend this day never happened. But it would be remiss of me to not tell you gals that I screwed up royallly. The good thing was the cigarette really tasted aweful but that didn't prevent me to smoking it down to the butt.
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I went back a page and re-read what ya'll have been saying - I feel a litle bit out of the loop right now since I haven't been on my computer so much these last few days. I guess sitting in a chemo chair will take care of one day and seeing my horse yesterday was awesome.
Good thing I have dual monitors so I can read and respond without writing notes down.
Janzin - Marianne Krammer was my horse trainer out of Dallas, she got into Parachuting and went way overboard. Her personality was that she had to be the best at everything. She lost interest in training our horses and she had quite a number of clients because she wanted to spend all of her free moments at the drop zone.
Unfortunately it was also her demise in the end. My friends and I kept trying to get her to quit as she had a young son that was only about 6 years old - she had custody as she and her doctor husband divorced. She didn't want her ex to raise her child and we told her that if she kept jumping out of planes it could happen but no.....I know how to pack my own gear, I have a reserve - nothing will happen to me.
She died 3 years ago this summer at Mile High Drop Zone out in Denver in a boggie. She was I believe the only qualified female swooper. She ended up in the water in one jump, got out, got back on the plane and they believe her reserve got too wet that her lines twisted. She couldn't get the twists out of her main so she cut it and went to reserve and the same thing happened again. She died on the operating table.
I asked that question because you mentioned that you jumped and I didn't know if you jumped out of the mile high drop zone or not. She was so young.
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ReKos - I think it was the steriod and not taking my medication that put me over the edge yesterday to smoke. I had a feeling that the decadron would do this to me. and that is why I asked to not give it to me but they didn't listen
so it all "their fault" - well that is my story and that is what I am sticking to!Janzin - I gained 10 lbs since I quit my job (heavy labor 9 hours a day) to sitting on my butt doing nothing! I am not eating more - in fact yesterday I only ate dinner and I dropped 2 lbs. I am not concentrating so much on "diet" food because I can't stand it, I am watching portion control.
But I do have this major problem with chocolate and I can easily eat 1 lb a day.
I hate weight gain because I can't fit into my clothes! I am only 5' tall so 10 lbs puts me automatically into a bigger size.
ReKos - you are not a sick person! I had just gotten to my premium weight, looking hot and then stopped smoking and so now I am battling the buldge and it ticks me off!!!! Yes, I am vain when it comes to be having a nice body for my height -I like it when my hubby finds me attractive.
Noble - look at this way - you are saying good bye to your best friend and hello to all of US new best friends! You are getting the better end of the deal on this one!
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Webbie - I would be high as a kite on vicodin and go outside and smoke knowing that I would end up throwing up. I totally get the die hard smoker. Hell.....My husband would bring me home from surgery and head to the pharmacy. As soon as he van pulled away I would light one up before he got back and you know how high you are when you just get home from surgery - I would be blitzen like crazy and light headed which would make me throw up. I did that several times. I never did learn my lesson as I kept doing this over and over again.
Candi - If I have been remiss to welcome you - I am sorry - I am already going through chemo fog - but welcome here!
I guess I went too far back because I am seeing a lot of my posts all over again. Ok, let me stop here where I went into length with Malleme about showing up in church in my church wig and how uncomfortable I felt so I was going to take ownership and go to church in a red wig with a purple hat. Well I didn't do quite that - instead I wore my LONG strawberry blonde hair wig with a brown hat and played the chemo card of having to wear slacks in case I needed to lay down or run to the bathroom to throw up from chemo so hopefully these pictures will attach if I read the instructions correctly. I still can't get these sites to give me a HTML code to upload the pictures! I am so frustrated.
If someone wants to PM their address I will send them to you and see if you can upload them. I need someone to hold my hand and teach me how to do this!
I have to run to the horse barn so I will be back later. Feel ok since my chemo on Wed.
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Janicie, sorry to hear about your friend,. I know the risks as I have watch my friends one too many with near death accidents so I decided to jump once. I love Chocolate too but I just love to eat period. I pretty eat the same as when I was younger but then I had an active job plus went out dancing and worked out at the gym. The last 14 months I have spent at least 7 months in recovery, sitting on my bum watching it grow. I went out and bought weight watchers chocolate cakes and fudge bars so hopefully I can slow it down during this inactive quit smoking time. Making a yummy black bean stew today that is 2 points per serving and satisfying too.
16 days is awesome! I think it states that we may have some slips on Chantix but by 12 weeks you should have quit by then. I may take it longer since I am struggling so much. You sound like a strong person so you will get there soon! I think if we can quit during this stressful time, then it will make us stronger for future stressful time!
Well I didn't work yesterday, too much pain but got some vics again and I have less pain today. It is such a pain to get meds!!! They act like your an upcoming drug addict. If I was, I would of been hooked by now with all the meds I have had in the last year. But I know that I am not from experiencing all those meds and I didn't get hooked, especially since I was going through a divorce and that would be the time to look for an escape. I feel dopey right now with all the meds, I find myself gazing wide eye with my mouth open and just totally spacing out, must look pretty funny.
Some of you have mentioned sorry for the long post. I know some may not like long post but just wanted to let you know that I do. It's nice getting to know all of you and I love hearing about you. It would be cool down the road to meet you in person, maybe have a Vegas But Fondler convention, lol. But our plates are full and I am broke with all the medical costs, even with insurance as I have the 80-20 thing.
Janice, wanted to check out how to load a picture so I grabed one of my paintings I did in college. You need to upload the pictures to a server, I used the server where I host my website. http://www.rmbjjf.com/ Then copy the url where the picture is located on that server into the insert picture area . You can send me the pics and I can upload it to my server if you don't have one and I will email you the url. That goes for any of you ladies that want to post a picture. This picture is 300 pixels wide, please specify the size picture you want. I can make the picture smaller for faster loading and link it to a larger picture too. Click on the picture for a larger view.
janetzingano@comcast.net
Cyber hugs!
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Janet- That picture is amazing!!! How talented you are. Do you still paint??? How come your on pain meds, is it still from the expander??? I have been on another thread that people have said they get weird looks when they are picking up pain pills and such. I guess cause I live in a small town I don't get that look cause they all know I have cancer oe did LOL!!! since my scans are NED! And I have been on alot of diffrent kinds and had to up some. I hate the way they make me feel I much rather have a couple of glasses of wine. But the chemo and other meds have given me a nerve condition that hurts more when I drink. But I do like to have one still once in awhile. I am in hopes after the Herceptin ends things will calm down. I hope your feeling better. I know I would so like to meet up with all of you someday! That would be really great. I know about the med bills but you know what I don't know how long I may live and I still have kids at home and I refuse to let my med. bills control me. I pay them so much a month, Well my husband does. Due to me not working for so long. I will be glad to start making some money again anything would be great. And start being a little more social. Winter makes me want to bury my head into the SNOW!!!!! I will be glad for spring!!
Jancie- I am still so proud of you!!!!! And appreciate your honesty with your ONE little slip it means nothing. Your doing GREAT!!!!!! And I reread your post how you did it and I think you were very smart in doing it that way. And YES it is the Decadron! it totally reves you up! Like one of my pain meds I take makes me want to smoke its crazy. I go to a pain specialist next Monday and will hopefully go over everything and find a better solution. What type of Horse do you have, I know I have asked you this awhile ago but my brain gets the better of me. Its so nice to have a place and animal to go to when you feel awful. I know its been so hard on my daughter not to have that connection with a horse for awhile since ours passed away. She was very special to us but now we look at it as she is my Angel looking down on me and Emily. I hope this new one will be as loving as our last one. I am sure she will be. My daughter worked really hard with Alice when we got her. She really did not know what love was. But I can tell you she sure new it after awhile. My daughter does Show Man Ship with her horses which you really need alot of trust and love for one another to make a good one. Emily trains them with nothing and they will turn and stay on her shoulder its amazing to see. So I guess instead of getting another car we are getting another horse. I hope my car holds out LOL!! Or I might be driving the Horse to work!!!!
Me- I am doing okay am trying to space the ciggs out, but I have to take that med and its really hard!! But I am determined to get there!!!!!!
I hope all the rest of us ButtFondlers are doing well and write and update when you can, cause we miss you all!!!
Hugs!!!!!
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Hi Nobleanna, I am starting up painting again, doing a Buda series. That painting is a reproduction work of a Master Artist and was one of my assignments in beginning oil painting in college.
I got pain meds for my expander as it was hurting pretty good, couldn't even lift a fork. Maybe that is a good thing, lol. But between Chantix, antidepressants and vicodin, I am a bit out there. Here's a picture to prove it, lol.
I feel for you taking Herceptin. Taking meds just sucks. Though 2 valiums and a vic is pretty fun. My Dr gave me that combo on a MRI because they had this really huge needle and wanted to calm me down since I am afraid of needles. That was an excellent combo! Well good luck to you, I am so with you on getting out and definitely ready for spring, one of my favorite seasons.
Hope my picture got a laugh out of you ladies! Have fun when you can!0 -
Janzin - I am so technically challenged. I pulled up your website but didn't find any way to uplink a photo to it. All of the galleries appear to be protected? Or do you have to upload them and then I take them off?
I am all over the place right now due to chemo and meds. If you don't mind can you post some pictures for me? I want to give Noble a couple of horse pictures and then the other ones can be put on the Feb 2009 chemo thread - me and my wig, me with real pony tail, me with no pony tail and of course a couple of pictures of dh and I at the snow ball which was right before I started chemo and we were all dressed up.
I will email the pictures to you and thanks for the support for me cheating!
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Hey everyone. I too, had that habit but living in sub of Atlanta I was able to do the Stop smoking shots. 2 hour session of EKG, Pulmonary function test, a little movie about why you should quit, and support, bla bla bla, But I am here to tell you, it works. They even let me go outside and have my last cig. and got REALLY LOOPY (hubby said wish he had camcorder said i was having some hilarious hallucinations!) had to be driven home, but haven't smoked one since. That was Jan 29th. I have had no desire, doesn't bother me to be around those who do, my O2 levels were 99% within 3 days. So those of you who live near large metro areas see if they have them around. Called NO SMOKE AMERICA. have a website, cost was 500.00 but worth it for not having any desire at all.
Denise
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Deemdee, Never heard of the Stop Smoking shots, what are they exactly?
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