Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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Noble - Janzin is helping me post pictures of my horse for you. She is a registred American Warmblood Mare. The stallion at that time had no taken his 100 day test and I wanted her registered asap - he actually since then is an approved stallion for the Oldenburg N/A Association.
My mare (Jazzy's mom) was a black thoroughbred mare that looked midnight blue in the sunlight - she never faded at all. She was a race horse and her pedigree was impecable. She had 5 Kentucky Derby Winners in her pedigree including Bold Ruler, Swaps, Princiquillo, etc. Her pedigree is in our safety deposit box..
I had a hard time getting my filly registered because they wanted DNA from her, her sire, and her dam. Her dam died when Jazzy was only 2 months old but fortunately I had them cut her tail hairs off when she died so they took dna from that instead of her mane but then again I had no choice.
Jazzy's sire is a Registered Oldenburg but technically he is 50% Hanovarian and 50% Thoroughbred. His thoroughbred breeding goes back to Man of War.
So you can just imagine the thoroubred breeding I have in my filly between her dam and her sire hence she has obnoxiously long legs and is already 16.1 hands and will continue to grow for at least 2 more years.
Gals - I tend to go off topic sometimes but hey.....ask me about something important to me and I am more than an open book wanting to share my life! After all we just all get to know each other a little bit better.
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Janzin- You look like me after a few drinks!!!!! You made my night while I am sitting here waiting to go smoke and trying my hardest not to!!!!! Your expander still hurting you??? I know fills can be painful, I hope thats why that is hurting. I was lucky never needed a fill unlucky cause I lost one. Now I get to do a 10hr surgery instead. I really hope when I quit smoking that my black cloud goes away!!!!!
Thanks for the pict!!!! your funny!!!!
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Welcome deemdee! Thanks for that tip, might have to go there!
Nobleanna, glad you like my picture. I can be such a dork! I was suppose to have a fill today but put it off as my expander was hurting. Hopefully I didn't over work it today as I had a great work day.10 hour surgery, wow. Why so long?
Here are the pictures from Jancie.
Click on the pictures for a larger version.
Have a great night!
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Janzin you look great and wow beautiful pictures of your horse. I live close by Mommouth Park in Jersey has any of your horses run there?
Thanks Janzin I had such a crappy week. my first fill and pain within a few hours. My appointment with the ono dr. went yuck. I tested for her2 gene so I will have to take Herceptin for a year and them some other drug for 5 years. Chemo- the Drs. are voting on this on wed ( yes I have to wait yet another week) They said since I caught the cancer really early .6 that .5 is the borderline for Chemo. But they mentioned putting me in a study for node negative, her2 positive and bi lat mast. which includes hercetin, chemo and that drug.
So let face it I really messed up this week on smoking. Orginally the pathology report from my core biopsies said I had estrogen based cancer. Not that I would have changed my decision of bi lat mast ( I knew that was the right thing for me to do from the start) any one ele with Her2nu gene dx. that really threw me.
Oh I did tell the onocologist I smoke, she said relax, only you will know when it's right for you to quit. She said do what you can to make your body stronger walk exercise, do what makes you feel good and eat right.Get a hobby for you hands sometimes that is the best medicine. And if those tissue expanders are painful we have pain meds take them and Xanax, valium.etc... It's not about what we can endure it's getting us well to live a quality life. I think I will stay with this Onocoogist she seemed to understand me and care about me.
ps. if anyone is her2 positive clue me
Good Night to all, I just love the pictures of the horse
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Teeehehehhehehe - I knew that would happen!
Malleme - those are pictures of MY horse. I am too blonde and stupid to figure it out and Janzin was sweet enough to post them for me.
My mare (deceased) only raced 7 times before she was sold. She actually did horribly on the race track. I bought her from a breeder to retrain her into a hunter/jumper horse.
Jazzy herself has only been under saddle 12 times since she is still growing so much, in fact I took her out of training this winter and now with no income she is just going to grow up to be a horse for another 8 months before I start up her training again. She wants to be a hunter - she loves to jump anything and everything including jumping out of 4' tall pasture fences - BRAT!
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Malleme- I am Her2 pos and stage one as well. I did not even have an Oncotype test because Herceptin was a given and in most cases so then is chemo. Seems the efficacy of Herceptin is much greater when administered with chemo. Plus it's a more agressive cancer and although I am node negative, there is always a chance that those pesky cells could get by the nodes through the blood. Once I found out I was triple positive, I had them put the port in at the same time as my bilateral mastectomy. Saved me from another surgery and actually turned out to be a Godsend as I have a post op infection that had me on IV Vancomyicin for 2 weeks.
I surely don't want to be the bearer of bad news and furthur upset you. But I'd be very surprised if you did not have chemo with Herceptin. My protocol is Abraxane/Carboplatin and Herceptin until April 24 (who's counting?!) and then just Herceptin every three weeks for a year which will be Jan. 2010. There are studies being done now to see if Herceptin would be beneficial for more than a year. I believe the results will be available within 6 months so that may effect the length I am on it.
Good luck to you and fight this with everything you have now while it's early.
Jancie- I am not a horse person but that is one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen! Absolutely stunning!
Ellen
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Morning ladies!
Malleme, sorry to hear about that. Hope you are doing okay with everything. No one knows how much BC and the recoveries effects us, it was definitely a lot more emotional for me than my hip surgery and that was a pretty major surgery. But having to go through Hercepin and Chemo is really hard news. I lucked out and I am one of the few who doesn't have to go through that, especially since I haven't hit menopause yet. I know about the fill with the expander though. My first was uncomfortable enough to take a vic before bed time. Driving was a bit harder too. Ask you Dr for med is you are out for the fill days. It did feel better within a couple of days until I over did it. No worries on your quit smoking. I figure as soon as I get my ducks in place, I will get there soon too but I keep trying. So your Dr is right, when the timing is right, you will quit. Right now you have a lot on your plate to deal with so take care you. Sending you positive vibs!!
Jancie, you were right, lol. But we get confused with our names too. Will help you post your pics this afternoon. Love your pictures!
REKoz, wow, sounds like you have been though a lot too. And your quitting smoking too. Hope you are feeling well. Who is that in the picture with you?
Nervousknitter, Webbie, Fifish, Candie we miss you. Hope you all are doing well, drop in a line to let us know how you are doing.
Babyc, nice to hear from you too. How's your smoking going?
Me, I am still smoking. Going to try another quit day soon. Just want to get caught up with work so I am not stressing on work while quitting. All the meds side effects are mellowing out, feeling pretty good today. Beautiful sunny day here in Denver, hope your day is sunny too.
Janet0 -
Janet I am not at the point where I can say I am quitting smoking because cutting down is not quitting. I am just waiting for the day when I get up and say, OK..today is the day, NO MORE. And it has to be literally no more. No drags, nada. I just can't seem to be able to submit myself to that yet even though I truly think there's something not quite right with me if I am smoking with friggin cancer! I had chemo yesterday and woke up this am with some sores on the inner side of my upper lip. It's the right side where as a right hander I smoke those cigs. Surely I am not excited about this development but just maybe it will give me a little incentive. I'm already finding it awkward to smoke with my left hand. Oh my, I am one sick cookie!
You asked who was in the pix with me. That is my baby, Kerri. So what if she will be 24 next month, she will always be my baby! Her sister Kristen just turned 27 and is the one getting married in July. She was here for a few days this week (she's a HS Social Worker so she gets all the school vacations!) and we got everything arranged, invites ordered for her shower on April 26- 2 days after my last chemo! I hope to feel well enough to really celebrate.
Ellen
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REKoz, I am with you on the cigs except I haven't even tried to cut down lately, too much on my mind. And your not sick! Cigs are one of the hardest thing to quit, some say it is harder than Heroin. To tell you the truth, I probably wouldn't be trying if it wasn't for the the BC. I wanted to wait until my life was a bit more calm and I was back to being active but that was an excuse to keep smoking. Sorry to hear about the sores, I hope they go away quick. Your baby is pretty, and you don't look old enough for a 27 year old. Hope you are feeling well for the wedding, maybe somebody going through Chemo might have some tips.
I woke up at 4 in the morning and realized that I am behind on the work for the next tournament, my heart started racing and then I was up. Where did the time go?? Wish I had a valium at that point so I could go back to bed instead of staying up for a few hours. Split sleep doesn't help stress either. But the good thing is that I realized why this next tournament has me so stressed. My last one was a disaster, so many things went wrong and I was one person doing the job of a few people. So I need to ask for more help and get back on that horse again. But the stress is killing me and quitting smoking is hard, I feel like it's the only thing keeping my sanity at this time. I don't like drinking everyday so not even a glass of wine to calm me down is an option. I don't think depression pills will help much either but hopefully take the edge off.
Janice, hope your first Chemo is doing okay.
Still trying even though the timing sucks. Thanks for this post, I will get there one day! Best wishes to all!0 -
Morning! I have been putting in some good work hours so I can sleep better at night. Still smoking but I also realized this morning that with Chantix, I have not wanted to smoke a whole cig and end up putting it out after a few puffs. So maybe my time is coming up! I may have my next surgery coming up real soon so I am working hard to get most of my work done so I can rest after surgery. That might be a great time to quit since I find watching TV is easier to deal with the urges for me than on my computer.
Nervousknitter, you must be coming up on your 3rd week. How are you doing?
Nobleanna, hope your black cloud goes away. How is the Chantix working for you?
Jancie, hope your doing okay with your Chemo.
Webbie, haven't heard from you in a while, let us know how you are doing with your Chemo, getting worried.
REKoz, hope you are feeling better with your Chemo.
Fifish, hope you are doing well too.
Miss you ladies, hope all is well with you and your recovery is going well. I am keeping up the fort as I think I am one of the few who is not going through Chemo. For those who smoked, our time will come. For those who haven't, congrats to you. For those who are thinking about quitting cigs, come join our post, the ladies here are awesome!0 -
I have been MIA! Sorry but chemo fog has the better of me right now.
I did break down and buy that pack of smokes last Thursday. Good news is that there are still some left! Bad news is that I want to have 1-2 smokes a day and I was doing so great for so long.
I think the stress of chemo got the better of me and I am ashamed for not being strong enough to get through and not buy that pack. I am also ticked off at myself at the same time.
Janzin -sounds like you are really on your way to not smoking. I did the same thing, I would take a couple of puffs and then throw the rest of the cigarette out. Even though they taste like crap now to me I still want to smoke!
I haven't even told my husband that I bought that pack. I hate hiding it from him but more so I would hate to disappoint him. I have 1/2 of a butt left outside and what is sad is that I am waiting on him to leave so I can go take a couple of puffs! Ok, now that I am confessing.....and I have no shame left - that butt is sitting in the tread of my right front tire of my car and he can't see that tire from where he parks his van.
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Hello ladies. I apologize for not responding lately. I have not checked the log in a while. I think I have some residual guilt over the fact that I quit for 5 weeks, and I have been smoking again for the last 1 1/2 weeks. But, time to put the guilt to rest (12 years of the nuns at Catholic school is a hard thing to put in the past). I will quit again. I have a crazy couple weeks so I have decided to set April 1st as my new quit date. That is also the day of my 1-year post diagnosis mammogram.
My prayers are with all of you going through chemo. Keep up the non smoking ladies. One day at a time. One day I hope we can all call ourselves non smokers.
Ellie
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Ah Jancie- a woman after my own creativity! LOL- the tread of your tire. Too funny! I know we are suppose to be serious and this is indeed a serious subject. But it just goes to show those who care to learn just how friggin difficult this is. For me, the more I think of how these things control me, the madder I get. I am zoning in on that thought. I can't control the breast cancer but I CAN control the power of the cigs. I'm gathering up all that anger until I'm like that guy in the movie where he yells out "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
Fortunately, or unfortunately today has not been one controlled by cigs but by nausea and fatigue. Once can't smoke if sleeping most of the day. I went to bed right after the Academy Awards (midnight her in NY) - So happy Slumdog won...a must see if you haven't yet. Anyway, I was awoken by terrible nausea at 9:00am, took my Zofran and did not open my eyes again until 3:00 this afternoon! I am really hating this chemo ya know ladies? On the good side, cigs have lost their appeal for today.
Have a great night my friends!
Ellen
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Jancie, that is too funny. Self disclosure can be pretty funny at times, you cracked me up. Don't be too hard on yourself as you have a lot of your plate. We are working it the best we can under these circumstances.
Fifish, nice hearing from you again. 5 weeks is a long time, you are doing great! I am with ya on the crazy weeks. The last couple of days I got in a lot of work, did the weight watchers diet and lost a couple of pounds, but I can't juggle everything so I am still smoking. Good luck with your mammogram, let us know how that goes.
REKoz, wishing you well with your chemo and that it will past soon. You are right about controlling cigs, right now it is controlling me. But I do know that I will get there because I think about it everyday and I keep trying. I think as long as we all post, that we have intent on quitting and that is a step in the right direction. If I didn't have you ladies, it would be easier for me to give up.
Janet0 -
I woke up with a swollen upper lip this morning. I think it is a reaction from all of the chemo and drugs in my body. I look like a botox job gone bad
Nobody (cancer center/pharmacy) is open until 9 am - what is up with that? I have been up since 7 am. My left hand felt funny but not too swollen. Figured I would test it by trying on my ring - nope, doesn't fit and just yesterday it was too loose.
So I sat here and imagined all sorts of weird stuff and ended up smoking a cigarette. For all I know I could be having a reaction finally to the Chantrix. Usually when I end up having allergic reactions to medication it is a week after I start them. Go figure. I just feel like my entire body is changing. My hubby said this morning my hair is getting softer. HUH? Nice, it gets soft right before I am fixin to lose it!
Cancer sucks! Taking all of these drugs suck! Smokes sound really good right now!
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Hang in there Jancie! I sypathize with you, hurt my expander today by lifting cat litter. I know that what your going through is way tougher though. I will be home all day tomorrow working so you can call me anytime to help you with your pictures. Maybe that will keep your mind occupied. Pictures are fun!
Keeping all of you in my thoughts!0 -
Janzin - I got the pictures posted in the February 2009 chemo thread thanks to you!!!
But.....when I get a moment after my company leaves I will call you anyways!
Thankfully I don't have to take care of the cat litter anymore. Doctor told me that with chemo I wasn't to change out the kitty litter so now my stepson does it instead.
I need to go back to the wig shop (as I call it) and get a nice soft sleep cap and a turban cap for my chemo days. Sure not going to wear a wig to chemo - that is a waste and besides I can't think it would be comfortable reclining back for 3 hours with a wig on.
I didn't know if I would get either one of those at my pre-chemo party so I held off buying them but now I need to since I am going to lose my hair within the next 10 days or so.
I might even get bold enough and change my avatar to a picture of me with a bald head - MIGHT!
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Thanks for the good wishes Janzin- Tuesday was a better day as I only slept until 11:30. Then I showered. So nice after a day when I couldn't even think of where I'd get the energy. My man was off and took me to my office where I gathered up some more work to do from home. They are so good to me there, THIS I know to be a gift. After that, he dropped me off at my parent's and I hung out with my Mom while he went to see his girls They all live about an hour from here.Mom loved my wig though I didn't wear it over, just a hat.Jancie- I had my head shaved on the longest setting so I have (had) more a crew cut. Now the sides are balding and I think I'm going for the total buzz. I hear it will make the wig more comfortable. Right now, love the way it looks but it's so darn itchy! I have a sleep cap which works real well at keeping your pillow hair free! And, I also got a cute hat from the wig store but have only worn that around the house. I'm going into work for a few hours today because I CAN and I will feel more comfortable in the wig...at least psychologically. Going for that final buzz is necessary but mentally my biggest hurdle to date. Well, that and smokes. Damn, I just need that push to take the final step. Cancer should be it...ya think????????
Hope everyone has a pleasant se free day.
Ellen
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Another beautiful day here in Denver, a great day for a power walk. I should find out tomorrow for sure that I don't need to go through Chemo, they are running the test one more time to be sure.
Jancie, glade you got your pictures up, let me know if you would like to add more. I barely tap into my usage so I have plenty of room on my server. Hope you are doing well, not too swollen, etc. When the time is right you will gather your strength to quit smoking again. Doesn't your hubby smell it on you? Might have to stick some perfume next to your tire, lol.
REKoz, glad to hear you are feeling better and back to work. I know it must be hard going for that final buzz. How much longer will your Chemo be? I feel stupid that I am still smoking but I do know that BC has motivated me to quit.
Webbie and Nervousknitter, worried about you two and I hope you two are busy and doing well.0 -
< Jancie is mad!
My stepson squealed on me!!! He told my dh that he thought I might be smoking again.
Stepson and I are in the living room talking and DH walks in and says "how long has it been now since you smoked?"
I looked at him and said "Not that long" trying to be very vague. DH then asks "when was the last time you smoked" Me "A day ago" or something to that effect and then I said "do you realize what stress I am under going through chemo? Do you have any idea what the steriods are doing to me?"
DH then tells me to give him the rest of the cigarettes so he can throw them out because as he said (and he was right) as long as they are in my purse I will continue to break down and smoke.
So I had to give him a freaking 3/4 pack of cigarettes. That was MY money I spent on them!
After having that allergic reaction yesterday I was scared to take the Chantrix but I guess I am back on it again tonight. If I get an allergic reaction DH is going to be the one going to the grocery store to get me some benadryl!
DH leaves and not 15 minutes later calls me and I said "I am not talking to you" He then informed me that he broke each of the cigarettes in several pieces and has thrown them away.
So much for sneaking them out of the garbage can
Jancie is back on the non-smoking kick for the time being seeing that I just got my smokes taken away from me and of course I couldn't say "no" and disappoint my hubby.
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Janet is mad too! Just found out that one of my competitor is doing another tournament close to mine in Oct. and with a really big name. It's a dog eat dog world in the world of promoters, all business and of course greed. I am getting tired of it too as I don't want to be that kind of person nor slave to the business either. He once told me last year that he wouldn't do tournaments if it was going to hurt me but I guess greed has gotten the better of him. Now I want to drink and smoke. I love my business and I am worried that I may lose it, kinda like getting my heart broken again.
Well Jancie, at least you have your hubby to keep you inline as I am feeling pretty dangerous.
Hope the rest of you are doing better! Drop in a line and let us know how you are doing.0 -
Ellie is mad too!! Mine is a much minor point, but it gets me angry. My dh just informed me that his sister and her entire family (5 total) are all coming to visit......in 10 DAYS! Greeeeeeaaaaaaaat. AND, they are staying for 2 weeks! AND, they smoke.....so screw my trying to quit while they are here. I actually like his sister, but his brother-in-law is a liberal socialist who LOVES to argue politics. They said "oh, we have no plans, we just want to hang by the pool and enjoy the sun". That is fine I suppose, but I am not in the mood to play hostess while they are here (my husband will be working of course so it will be up to me to feed and clean up after them all). Is that selfish of me? I am just not in the mood. If it were one or two people that would be fine, but FIVE?!
I suppose, compared to chemo and other things I have read on this board, my issue is nothing. I just wanted to vent! Thanks for listening.
Ellie
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Janzin- sorry about your competitor. I lived in the cut-throat corporate world for 15 years (I quit at 40 when I was diagnosed), and I don't miss it one bit. I use to LOVE working, but I got sick of my competitors doing just what your did. Greed at no cost! Hang in there.
Jancie--so sorry about getting your smokes taken away. That stinks. I know your husband is trying to be helpful, but you might want to remind him that you are NOT a child. I HATE when my dh pulls that crap on me. But remember, they are looking out for your own good. (OK, so the visual of you smoking out of the garbage can made me giggle....been there, done that)
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Alright, I am cracking up at the last few threads. We are all sharing the mad train. I didn't drink or smoke much last night but I did get insomnia again, woke up at 3:00am and it took a while to go back to sleep so I ended up sleeping through my Dr appointment. I should of set my alarm clock, I really wanted to find out if the news is still no Chemo. Later today I get another fill, not looking forward to that, can't get use to the Pulp Fiction thing.
Fifish, I would be mad too. You ever hear the saying that your guest starts smelling like dead fish after 4 days, well you got five of them. Hey.... maybe you could stick a dead fish in their room and they will want to leave. But I am with you on the guest thing, playing hostess can be very tiring and 2 weeks is a long time. Forget trying to quit smoking, it may be one of your main relief from the smoking fishes. I don't think you are selfish, what your feeling is totally normal and you care enough to play a good hostess. I would just point to the eggs in the fridge and throw a pizza delivery menu at them. I think I am with you on the job thing too. Getting too old for this crap and life is too short to have _ssholes in your life. Now I need to figure out what to do next.
Jancie, hope you are doing better today. I feel less desire to smoke with Chantix, not the same without the buzz and I do miss that buzz. But I do have a pretty good mental habit with my cigs but it is getting better everyday since it's not as fun or satisfying.
Nobleanna, miss your posts! Maybe we should share drinking pictures, lol.
Malleme, hope your expander is not giving you too much grief. Did you find out that you have to go through Chemo? Thinking of you and hope you are doing okay. Drop in a line sometime.
REKoz, hope your energy is better. Let us know how you are doing.
Wishing you all a happy day and a step towards freedom from smoking.0 -
Ok Janzin, I think I will take your advice. I will show them the eggs and give them all the take out menus!! BRRRRRRRRR.....BRRRRRRRRR.....BRRRRRRR...did you hear that? That is the blender running non stop all day making myself rum cocktails while they are here! That might be the only way I get through this.....oh yippee....mangos are in season!!
The only thing that helps is that when they leave, our 3 kids will be home (spring break from college for 2 of them). THAT will be a good time. It is so much more fun now that they are grown (the youngest is 19). Glad I did the kid thing early in life!!Here is to hoping that there is NO CHEMO! My heart goes out to all of you going through that. Try and sleep ladies....it is the only time we are assured not to smoke!!
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Hi
Thanks so much for your welcomes. I don't know if I told you but I just became a grandma 11 days ago. She arrived 5 weeks early but is ok. 5lbs 2 oz and 18". My DD is her proud mom. I stayed with mom,dad and baby for nearly 6 days...I didn't smoke from Thursday till this past Tues. As soon as I got home...I lit one up. Damn!!! So yesterday and today, I had 2 before work and none again until after work--about 3 yesterday and I haven't gotten home yet tonight as I am working late tonight. so I have cut down dramatically but I need to quit. Have you seen what cigs are going up to on April 1. another 1.75 a pack here in NJ and they are already about 6.50. Boy, if that isn't enough reason to quit right there.
flfish, I love yopu last line of your last post...very true, I was thinking of hopping in bed right away after work each day just so I don't smoke.
Hugs to those going thru chemo.
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I HATE Chemo FOG!!!!!
It is midnight - I am finally getting ready to go to sleep because I stayed up watching all of my favorite Thursday night TV shows. My hubby went out of town for a couple of days - left in the middle of the day with no notice (job required him to leave immediately). Nice since I didn't have to worry about dinner, didn't unload the dishwasher, didn't reload the dishwasher - basically didn't do a darn thing once I got home.
However, back to the chemo fog story......I decided I had better take a Chantrix. I am searching for the medication and I hear a MEOW. One of my cats is at the front door wanting in. Now I can't remember if I had already taken the pill or not because that simple task got interrupted by the cat yelling at me to let her in. So I decide to go ahead and take one knowing that it might be the 2nd pill I had taken in less than 5 minutes.
Then I get worried......I just double dosed a medication AND I had already taken an Ambien. I am thinking the worse, I am alone in the house all night - I go to sleep - I don't wake up - maybe I should force myself to stay up all night long in case my body does weird things but I can't do that because I have a horse riding lesson tomorrow so I need sleep.
Finally figured out that I will not fall asleep due to worry if I don't call Poison Control and ask them if I screwed up royally. Tried to explain to Brad what chemo fog is but don't think he really understood - he was probably questioning in his mind "what is this broad doing up at midnight calling about taking 2 doses of Chantrix?" He told me "go to bed and if you don't feel well later on, call me I am here all night" - WHAT? He actually told me to go to bed as though I was some child or at least that is how I took it - maybe that was his way of reassuring me that I could go to sleep?
Before I sign off for the night - remember my hubby taking away my smokes? I didn't smoke the rest of that night and neither did I smoke today until 5 pm when I went and got another pack of smokes and then had 3 of them for the day. Not what I was supposed to do but hey.....I only smoked 3 and I had my last one 4 hours ago and not planning on having one before I crawl into bed. This pack is not going to stay in my purse. I am going to HIDE IT FOR EMERGENCIES!!
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HE TOLD YOU TO GO TO BED?!?!?!?! Oh my. Even after telling him you took them along with an Ambien? AND all your chemo drugs? Wow. Scary. I don't blame you for not wanting to fall asleep. Hopefully you can take this time while your dh is away to get some sleep and not have to pick up after anyone else. I will say I am impressed that you are still able to do the horse riding lessons. That in itself is amazing and just proves how strong of a woman you are!
Candie, congrats on the new grandbaby. Boy, if that is not a beautiful reminder of why we fight this darn disease AND try to quit smoking I don't know what is. Wonderful!
Ellie
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Candie, congrats on becoming a grandmother, that is wonderful news. Cutting down is a good thing too, you doing a great job.
Fifish, rum mango drinks sounds really good. I have been on a margarita kick, trying different flavors but I love mangos. Might have to try your recipe when I have lost more weight. Thanks for your support, Dr called and I don't have to have Chemo. I do have to get my ovaries out but that is a good thing since I am a prime candidate for tubal pregnancies, the last one almost killed me.
Jancie, I have Chemo fog just being straight. I sometimes forget if I took a sleeping pills or not or any meds for that matter. I need to get one of those weekly meds box, especially when I start up on the preventative cancer pills. Sounds like your DH wasn't thinking, good thing one of you were, I wouldn't sleep either. Men can be really absent minded.
My ex called last night and was pretty mean about not having me contact him anymore as it is hurting his relationship. I don't call him often and it is usually about my checks or work related, and I contact him about as much as he contacts me. His fiancé is really jealous of me, she feels that he still has feelings for me when he ruined our marriage to go be with her, had to settle out on business in which he lost a lot of money. He felt really bad about hurting me and tried his best not to hurt me further afterwards, gave me a hug and cried after our mediation and told me if I ever needed anything that we would always be friends. He has never been purposely mean to me until last night and that hurt, went out and smoked a couple. She doesn't realize that it is over between us, that we are not in love with each other and we are just friends. He was being nice to me because after hurting me, I went through a series of bad luck, if anything he feels guilty. Truth is that we haven't been in love for years, he was just the first to break it off and it could of been me as I had a crush on someone else and wasn't in love either. I never did anything because I didn't want to hurt him but I still think about this guy every day. I can understand being out of the picture, sometimes friendship just isn't possible and I am the ex wife but he didn't have to be mean about it. Hard not to feel sorry for oneself when a chain of bad things keep happening, I sound like a country song, lost my husband, my home, one of my businesses, my dogs, my cat, my hip, my boobs and now possible may lose my other business, too much. I guess I could look on the bright side and say I am alive. I didn't get much sleep last night again, my day is going to be screwed up. As for quit smoking, I really need things to level out a bit as I feel like Life has been dumping a huge load on me which at times crushes the life right out of me. Even though we were not in love at the end of our marriage, you get use to having someone there through the good or bad and it's hard going through all of this alone.
But I haven't given up!0 -
Hi everyone,
Yes I am still alive I have had one situation after the next at the Restraunt and the owners are away. They came back late last night! YEY So I have been either working which I am not used to or sleeping. I will touch base with you all this Week-end. I miss all of you!! I miss my favorite thread!!! I have gone off Chantrix cause of not having them with me when I need to take them so am going to start again tommorrow cause they were really helping. But it just was not a good week!!! explain later!!!!!!
Love all you Guys!!!!!
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