Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Good morning! Welcome Island girl... where's your island?.
Chabba- well said!
Amy- I grow aloe and am happy to send you a bare root plant to plant, ignore and have the best 'goo' inside it's leaves incase of burns turning into blisters. It also takes the sting out. Your rads will go by quickly. Thank goodness it doesnt make you sick. I did it. PLZ be sure to do your arm extension exercises multiple times a day, and good luck. PM me your address if you would like a plant.
SV- you actually sound better than you did last week, capture the good moments and try to just let the bad ones go out into the deep blue sea. love you, gal.
Kathy - Good for you. Keeping a trained eye on that neice. Some people just feel entitled to everything anyone else has or might get and feel completely justified in taking it. No consideration for the one that earned it or deserves it. So sad when age brings confusion and younger people take advantage. Support YOU all the way. Maybe you should get POA.
((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))) to all,
Connie
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Hi IslandGirl, I'm fairly new to this group also but have enjoyed reading the posts of others in my age group who are going through some of the same things as myself. I had a BMX 6 mos. ago and am still sort of recovering. One thing I've noticed is that anything you already had before the cancer arrived is exaggerated by the cancer treatment. I really think that when you're a bit older you need to give yourself plenty of time to heal and be patient with your body. On the positive side of that, I have to say I truly love being this age!! I was never as happy before, and suddenly I don't care at all what other people think. I worked for 40 years and at this time am perfectly happy to shop at the goodwill if it means I can just stay home and watch hummingbirds!! Young people often think older people are sad and miserable but I know for sure that isn't true at all. Sorry my posts are so long--I love to talk and write!!!
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Our San Diego BCO lunch bunch is having our monthy lunch today
always good to see our nearby friends..
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GramE - How is J.J.? Still praying for her.
Lynda - you said it the best! Just wish we could have found all of this out without having BC. And you post are not too long. ;-)
Connie07 - Thank you for the offer of the aloe plant, but I already have 1 that I keep in the kitchen.
IslandGirl001 - welcome to the group. We are all in your age range and love to encourage each other.
Hope everyone had a good weekend. Amy Jo
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WELCOME Islandgirl!!! That actually used to be my old tag on other sites-long live island gals. OK here is the drill as i see it-we are an incredible active bunch and you are on the best thread ever!! But i sort of see us like a bunkhouse-with the bunkhouse kitchen table that is ten miles long-ya' gotta jump in and elbow your way into all of the comings and goings. Most of us truly simply have fried chemo brains (ok I am speaking for myself) and by the time I have gotten off the couch, I have already forgotten what i got off for. So if you feel overlook-jam in here gal!!! We have just had a few issues with ladies feeling like we were sort of well bonded and we are-we hope you will stay with us and fill us in on all about you!! MB< Yeah, you little nightowl you-you found a computer that is free!! Still cannot wiat to see the pix. I am so pissed as I cannot get thru the new Picasa web system-anybody having the same trouble?? so i cannot post pix of anything and am about to die!! DRAMA QUEEN!! Breathing still very bad and i just fear cancer has gotten ahold somewhere in my lungs-coughing is like the croup-it never ends and feel like my ribs are broken at this point.
And dragonfly, you write as much as you want-geesh look at MB's posts and mine and Isabella-we yak forever on here-don't ever feel like you have written too much!! ((((QCA)))) family is beyond and pushes all of my buttons-STILL! Afterall, they installed them and then wonder why i whig out. Barb are you getting ANY REST-WHAT HAPPENED WITH SWOLLEN BOOB?? ((((Chrissy, how are you and Alyson, you too))))). Short note-wat to post pix but cannot figure out this new Picasa thin-my computor is just not accepting it as a 'safe program' tho I have changed security setting to accomodate it-nada!!! CRAP!!! Short note today-David is driving me NUTS-wants to take me 4-wheeling up north to get me out of the house-just shoot me please!! Venus-Mars!! Lordy thank God sex is the one thing we have in common-well not David and me as he is platonic-TMI!!! And Amyjo thanks so much for your advice to me to just stay off of other threads!!! REALLY HELPFUL and never thought of it-duh!!!!! XXOOOO, SV
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Ok, I have done backflips to try to get this pix on here-if it gets on here!! Why in the Lord do they want to change something that has work just fine for a year??? This is UNAMERICAN-well maybe not!!
I am sorting thru recent pix and not sure I posted the little IBIS!! Got down to local store for a box of "famous Amos CC and pecan cookies and gaterade". Gees, it hurts just to swallow as in major pain-I have no idea anymore-but did get outside-hooray!! Had to get staples of PB&J and Bagels and cream cheese. Problem with local Duck stor that all of us met at on our first reunion is that prices are about double-paid 72.00 for nothing really. And Crikey, gasoline is up to $3.59?????? WE need to start making our own-or I'm going with Ginger and getting a horse!!!! I mean that really is a good idea at this point-my SUV (Moby Dick) just sucks up the fuel-GRRR! XXOO, SV Yeah i am so glad i got a photo on here!!
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SV, as usual you crack me up! With all you're going through you're still funny and loving. To all: I'm sitting here wondering what I'm gonna do if this new lump is a recurrence. Felt more lumps in the area where my lymph nodes used to be--of course I'm thinking the worst. My worst fears? Having chemo that makes you gain a lot of weight (okay, I'm the vainest woman on earth), losing my gray hair (just got my hair back to it's actual color and I love it), messing up my reconstruction (I've never had much up there before--now I can actually put something in a bra) and, last but not least, my husband. When I'm sick he gets sick, then I feel I have to take care of him. So maybe this cancer is what I need: to learn not to ALWAYS put myself second. That's a bad thing to say but, there it is. I do believe in God and know he has a wierd sense of humor. My life has been a miracle so whatever happens from here on out I'm ready for it. Thanks for letting me rant!!
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Hi all. Sorry to be MIA but I have an awful case of flu--and yes, I did have a flu shot. I am just checking in to say hello because that's about all I can do today.
Love,
Mandy
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Aw Mandy, gentle hugs for you, gal!
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Tell us more about why your life has been a miracle? I had a good friend (best friend) whos life was a miracle, not the fact that he existed but that he survived all he did and that was a LOT. Including breaking vertebrae in his neck.... twice, 15 years apart. I love to know about miracles.
SV - maybe you should change your screen name to DRAMA QUEEN. hahahaha love the Ibis. you been out in the marshes again?
Connie
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The Ibis is lovely SV.
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Lordy, I hate being on the 5 limit rule. This is a test to see if this will post!! Love to all while I crawl back into my cave. Wow, it posted-but an edit counts as a post too. SV
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Connie07, It's true--my life has been pretty miraculous in many ways. First, I came from a violent, abusive background--my Dad was an alcoholic and almost killed me in a rollover accident when I was 12--but I made it out of all that in pretty good shape. I was a nurse and managed to land a really great job, my kids were all healthy and my husband is a good guy. The most miraculous thing that ever happened was one day at the beach. My 2 year old son took off running right into the water. I looked out over the ocean and he was just gone. Then a man came out of nowhere and pulled him right out of the water. His friend gave me a blanket and they took off down the beach. It was on the Sonoma Coast in CA, one of the most treacherous beaches on the west coast. That said, my hubby and I started having serious health problems when he was only 53--he's had colon and bladder cancer. I had a stroke at 63 and then breast cancer. But none of it has finished us off yet so I consider all of that a miracle. We're learning how to live with some health issues and not let them take our whole lives away.
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(((((MANDY-I KNOW HOW THIS JUST BLOWS)))) Rest, take your meds and this too will pass! Ginger-gas prices hit 3.59 here-time to head for the barn!! (((((Chabba))))) love to you Connie and truly, I am thinking about "Drama Queen." MB, you crack me up-only you would find the one corner in the hotel that has free hookups for all of your gadgets-cannot wait for pics!! DragonFly, you write all you want too-Lordy look at how longwinded I am as well as a few others, but they are stories that i would NOT miss!! I found out how to repost using Picasa and really want to get Rae's pix of Christ Church up as the damage is staggering-let alone loss of life. But tomorrow, I think. Hugs to all, SV
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Welcome Islandgirl...you'll fit in nicely here, just the right age !!!
SV. Have you been out again rooting around in the damp when you're not well?? I hope NOT. Tho' the pic was lovely. Hope you are progressing along slowly and the chestiness is leaving you some.
Mandy, you seem to be under the spell of the lurgy...keep reading your progress on FB. Keep warm, and keep eating your lovely food. Just wish I had the strength of character to go completely veggie..tho' I won't touch lamb or beef, as I keep sheep and cows...feel like I would be eating their friends !!!
I have been laying low this last 2 days, just cannot be bothered to do much. I had a big shopping day on Thursday, bought new bedroom furniture, a bed and some linen. This time I have gone for white painted furniture, very old fashioned shape, but white for light, as its not going to be as bright as I thought. The room faces north, and I have to have nets up ( or venetian blinds, can't decide ) as its a ground floor room....don't want the bogey man to be able to look in on me ! Just about all my furniture is dark and quite old. I used to haunt house sales years ago, and managed to get quite a bit of Georgian furniture, so painted white is a big deviation for me. I also have 5 pieces of Chinese hand painted lacquered furniture, chests and a big cupboard.....I was looking to get this style for my bedroom, but its gone way up in price. If I were 30 I would buy, but not now, my DD will just cast it all aside when she comes to get it all ! She is all black leather furniture, and wood floors, and loads of very bright lights. I couldn't live with her style for long. I like my carpets...she called me out not long ago when I had a new carpet in my bathroom, she tells me its unhygienic...I tell her its sheer luxury getting out of the shower onto a lovely thick carpet, and not cold tiles. I like comfort in my dotage.
My new room is all but completed, only trouble is the window hasn't arrived yet, so I have had trouble with the cats climbing in and out of the hole in the wall, and using my new floor as a toilet.Have had to nail an old door across it, it DOES look fine like that ! One day I will murder my cats !
Kathy, your niece sounds a piece of work...there is method behind her madness, looks like she is hell bent on getting her hands in the till. How low can she go using children to play her games. I would like to know WHAT is wrong with that generation of kids, seems like a whole load of them are too hedonistic for their own good, want it all, with no effort. My DD has pulled some stunts over the years, but so far I can stand up to her, I worry what happens when we finally go dotty, and they're in charge !!
Having said that DD has been down this morning and was sweetness and light, was sort of wondering what was coming, but, no, she didn't want anything, just was having a good day, so it seemed. Was chattering on about coming to look after me when I come out of hospital ( WHEN being the operative word !!) She has asked for time off at her work, but was a bit downcast when I said I didn't want her here all day, just morning and evening will be OK for me ( I think ) I HAD to say it as I will never get any peace at all she's like a whirlwind, and smokes, has no idea how to cook, and can turn a load of washing pink without even putting it in the machine. I would be a nervous wreck if she moved herself in, plus probably 2 of her children....my house would be chaos, and NOT the calm I like. She will be going on home now complaining that I am not appreciative of her offer of help ! Don't care !!! I am actually going to ask my doctor about nursing services in the area, I have a feeling Dr. can provide care after a hip op. paid for by state when we are over 65, and live alone. I really DON'T fancy having to ask DD to help me shower, or go to the loo ! Do me a bit of shopping , let the dogs in and out, feed the cats, but NOT personal care.
Right its 1.30am here, I am off to put my dogs to bed and jump in the shower...well. not actually jump !! Its Sunday in the morning and I am not aiming on being up with the birds....having a lazy day again. I seem to be having a few of those lately....but what the heck, it hurts me to walk around, so I'm not going to unless I have to !
Isabella.
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Isabella, YOU ROCK!!!
~Connie
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Isasbella, love you!! Go nuts with the furniture buying!! What fun, but you must do something about the hole i the wall where the window should be. Lordy, i LOVED the antique shops i Englad tho had no idea what i was looking at-it was stuff that was just older than God and should have been important for that alone!! I used to ramble around Arundel, but was drinking then so ended up in the pubs most of the time. And somehow I just cannot imagine DD being there to wait on you hand and foot after surgery-NOW what surgery???? And no, the ibis pic was from the last jaunt out before i got so ill. No idea why i got rocked like this-they are testing for whooping cough-long shot-but it has returned with a vengence in those of our wise years who's vaccines have gone wonky and it is here on the Outer Banks. Still, i do not know how you do it all!!! Love you all much-had a smelly puppy ad was sound asleep but that oder is something ya just don't ignore so i am up in me skivvies at 1AM screaming for dogs in the pitch black-and me with just a coat on. All I need to do is to be arrested for being the town flasher!! XXOO, SV
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Hahaha SV - town flasher!
Isabella was at the Doc because she has 3 blown discs in her back. They finally saw her after a long wait but now are waiting because they might want to replace a hip too. DId I get that right Isabella? I know a former ballerina who suffered with a bad hip who eventually underwent hip replacement. She looked at least ten years younger with the pain gone from her face. I hope your Docs get this all sorted out soon. Back pain can be breathtakingly difficult to live with. I am not sure if breathtakingly is a word or not, but it well describes the pain I had. As my DD has reminded me during all of this, there is no prize for bravery! I admire you not wanting to betray your animals by eating their friends. It is just really sweet, you give yourself away.
SV whooping cough vaccine goes bad, I mean in us? I had better check that out, with a DD who has a baby and likely will have another one can't be too careful. How is your dog's leg doing? I hope they are both back from their potty outing by now.
I am beginning to get a little stingy from the rads now on the side where the skin sort of folds when I put my arms up. I have 4 more regular and then 9 boosts. I got some rx cream called Xclair that cost $50.00. I would have left it at the pharmacy but it was my husband. I suppose a fellow would feel stingy refusing it since it says right on it that it is for people undergoing radiation.
I wonder if any of you have had neuropathy move into your arms and legs? When I lay down in the bed I especially feel it, it is a burning hurting feeling that precludes sleep. I actually took an oxcodone to sleep last night. I have felt like this since Friday. Also I had a couple of occasions in the last week where my knee just didn't connect and then another time my ankle just gave way. I have never had this happen before. I walk kind of funny on my numb feet as it is. My hands are semi numb but still usable but the itchy/ tingling is up my arms now. I really want to be my version of normal again! Neuropathy can't get worse when you are three months done with chemo can it? I don't think radiation causes it too? Even though I have had serious back surgery I had never heard of periferal neuropathy. I tell you I have now learned enough I really don't want any more lessons. I am greatful I have treatment available but no so much for the side effects.
Moaning over
HUgs GInger
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Ginger, Hate to tell you, but sometimes neuropathy gets worse after treatment is over....this was not the case with me, but I know of some who had this problem. I had it bad in my feet, then it got better when I went off Abraxane, but returned to some extent with the navelbine and now it is there in both my feet, mostly toes, and also tips of my thumbs. When I had that tingling to the point that it hurt that went all the way up my arm and it would wake me up and felt like my entire arm was asleep, it turned out to be carpal tunnel and I had the surgery and it did work....at the time after they did that little torture test where they wire you up to see if you have carpal tunnel ( it was scary, like a machine you would see in a movie where they say Now, I think this will make you want to tell us the real story, Mr so and so.....bzzzzzzzz....now, did that loosen you tongue a bit?... if not we can keep on doing this all night) I was diagnosed as having it in both my right and left hands, but amazingly and thankfully after I had durgery on the rt, the left got better and I think it was because I was overusing the left to compensate. I would have it checked out and it really is not as horrible a test as I portrayed it to be....it just looked like one of those machines. I will post some pics of The Palmer House for you....my one regret is that I did not get to have tea in the lounge there...it looked so eloquent and I love old fashioned things like that. Also next time I will travel with people who have more energy and want to see more of local restarants and different sects of the town. Isabella, you must have your grandson post some pics for you....I want to see the new bedroom.
SV, Glad you are up and running.
Welcome Island Girl....was that an Elton John song?
Hello to all the rest of you and hope everyone is having a good day. Yesterday we about froze wating for the late megabus in Chicago, standing in the snow, but all in all it was a good trip and a very good convention when I got a lot of CEUs which we are required to get to keep our license. I figure about one more year of working and then I am going to go for disability and start spening my IRA money and doing a lot of traveling.
I am not going to start spouting quotes, but I did pick up a few good ones in the one lecture...both from Mark Twain. "I have suffered a great many misfortunes in my life, most of which never happened" and "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it"...both nice, don't you think.
The Chicago ladies I met with for dinner were very nice and welcoming and I was glad they met with me. OK, now some pics from the trip.
Women in pic, English Major and Lago....me, EM, Lago and Addey0 -
Here are a few of me and my traveling companions....both Kathy are her sister are high maintenance.....love jewelry and are tall blonds and striking and wear REAL fur....me I am the short squatty one who wears the faux fur and is always three paces behind them because my legs are a lot shorter.
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Love to see your pictures, MB. The coldest I have ever been in my life was walking from a restaurant back to the Palmer House in late October one year. DH and I could have used your fur coats! And it got dark so early! That came as a surprise.
I was talking to DD yesterday as she was driving from Burbank to Orange County CA and it was snowing! Quite a bit she said. Weird weather.
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Wow, MaryBe, great pix!! Glad you had a good time (despite the HM gals). Glad also you got to meet the Chicago gals.
Wow, PJ, snowing in Orange County...that is something else!
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Wonderful photos Marybe.
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Thank you all.....had to take my pics with Tim's camera since I still do not know where mine is....I am still indebted to Barb and 3jays for helping me learn how to post pics. I tell you life is getting to be a real challange....seems like I spend half my time looking for things that I had in my hand just a minute ago. Getting ready to leave the hotel was always a challange...I would think I had it all together and then would remember I had to take my cell phone and would have to look for that, then it would be the hotel keycard, then I would be going down the hall and remember I did not have my IDbadge for the convention and would have to dig out the keycard and go back to the room for that and by the time I would have everything I would be sweating and ready to take my coat off and then would discover I only had one glove in the pocket and so the saga goes on. I have never been organized, but I am telling you it is getting worse all the time and Tim says there is no such thing as chemo brain and I hate to tell him, but THERE IS!!! Seems like a lot of you have stayed at The Palmer House.
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Marybe - looks like you had a lot of fun. I always get a kick out of my high-maintenance friends - if the wind blows they worry about their hair, they always wear impractical shoes....basically, a lot of fun! I still haven't been to Chicago, but I do know when I visit it's going to be warm!
You remind me a lot of a friend of mine who is also a dental hygienist AND she lost her camera recently, too! Weird. I also do all the walking back and forth forgetting stuff when I'm going somewhere, then I'm sweating and look all frazzled by the time I get there.
Every now and then I will take my pill for ADD, just when I need to concentrate and really focus. The docs will claim, "Oh, no, you have to take it for a while to get it into your system." So not true! My son will take a Straterra on the day he has a test, but not regularly so it works that way for him, too.I think I'm going to take one tomorrow morning, and try to get my tax stuff together for my mean accountant. Taxes and the IRS are scary enough already, but to have to deal with a mean accountant just adds insult to injury!
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IslandGirl I am new here too. I don't post much but do enjoy reading all the posts. They have really helped this old girl.
I finished up my A/C treatments Thrusday. I will start Taxtoere in two weeks for 12 weeks. I have not had too many side effects so I do hope the Taxotere is not worse.
My prayers are with all on this thread and those living in the area of the eathquake.
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Hi Mimidi...have I said 'Hi' before....I cannot remember, my brain seems to be having off days now and then.
Glad to see SV posting again, are you feeling a bit brighter ?
Marybe, pleased you're back OK from Chicago, sounds like you had a good time.
As I said yesterday I was having another rest day...and, by golly, I did. On and off FB , here, and one or two other sites I go to, did a bit of family history research, and caught up with my mail. I have a monster pile, sometimes I leave it 2/3 weeks before I get to it, don't even open the envelopes. Was going to say someone could have died and I wouldn't know if I was on a no letter opening kick, and that's just what happened last year. A very old cousin wrote me, her letter got snarled up in my pile, her DH had died, and it was about a month before I found out. Luckily she lived too far away for me to go to the funeral, but I was just too late to send a condolence card after all that time. I wrote and apologised, and haven't heard from her in about 6 months, so looks as if I am in her black books !!!
I am not too hot on the phone either, hide behind my answer machine, just don't feel like sitting nattering away when I have been busy outside, and all I want is my tea, and to get sat down.
Getting on fine with my new help outside, I think it could make me lazy tho', just knowing things are getting done and I can turn over on a morning and have another half hour if I want to. I AM slowly catching up on silly jobs, but am picking out the easy ones at the moment due to my bad walking. This morning there was bad news from the farm, my girl came in to tell me she had found a very pregnant ewe stone cold dead....she was upset, and asked me 'why' had it happened...something I had no idea about, probably milk fever, but as I had not seen any signs at all of illness for the 24 hours preceeding its death I am really in the dark. The ewe was absolutely full of lambs, probably had triplets in there, but these things happen now and then. I found it hard to strike a happy medium with her, didn't want to look as if I had no feelings, and didn't want to join her in a crying fest !!! I had to ask her to pull me out the body, which set her off again, but I couldn't have done it. G/son went off out on a night around town last night , with the boys, so he wouldn't have appreciated me ringing him up and getting him out of his bed to shift a dead sheep.I shall have to be outside more soon, as I start lambing in a week, so shall be very short tempered. I usually do the night shift, and sleep thru' the day, but not sure how we will work it this year, me not being very good on my feet ! Looking forwards to the lambs tho' always one of my favorite times of year. I shall just be finishing up lambing when the cows start calving, but they are easier for me. I can no longer pull out a stuck calf, so I just ring the vet, and let him pull. Daren't try anything that'll do anymore harm to my back and hip. I have a very good sort of semi machine thingy to help get stuck calves out, like the vacuum thingy they use on babies, but I cannot now get it positioned properly, its just too heavy for me to lift around at the moment.
Right my usual sign off line....a nice hot shower and a nice warm bed, its got to 1.30am again here, and I was having an early night, no wonder at all I don't want to get up on a morning.
Isabella.
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Isabella - gald you realize there are some things you can no longer do an will ask for help. You need to take care of yourself and get all the rest you can. I don't know anything about sheep except that is where wool comes from, but I do know about cows and calving time is a lot of hard physical work. So you take it as easy as you can and let the vet and your other help do all the heavy duty work. Hope you hear some good news about your back and possibly hip surgery. Sending {{{{Higs}}} and prayers your way.
I to bed to get some rest. Tomorrow starts a new week of rad treatmetns. 9 done and 21 left to go.
Joy and blessings, Amy Jo
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H&S, My friend who diagnoses children with learning disabilities tells me I am ADD, but sometimes I think the job has gone to her head....however,I will admit, I do have a lot of the characteristics. Income tax time....Groan....that is what sent me to the psychiatrist last year! I just could not make myself get the stuff together. It was not even as if I had to do it myself, all I had to do was get the forms and my info to my friend who does my taxes, but just the thought of it was overwhelming.
Mimidi, My friend Lee did the same treatments you are on and she found the taxotere to be much easier than the Adriamycin/cytoxin combo....she even started growing a little hair before she was finished with the latter.
Isabella, so sorry about the euw...did I spell that right...maybe farm animals cross The Rainbow Bridge just as dogs do. Is the grandson who went out with his pals, the same one who wanted to move in with his girlfriend at your place?....if so, it is good he also does things on his own every so often with friends. I did the same thing with my mail, but may have gone even longer than 3 weeks....just let it pile up on the table...I only got in trouble with a few bills that turned up in the pile. Had my friends not come to help me clean, the pile would still be there, but now I am making a real effort to keep the place picked up. AmyJo is right...it is good that you have sense enough not to overdo it....and you take your own advice AmyJo, radiation can be exhausting, but at least you have 9 under your belt.
I just finished watching the Oscars....I can't say I live for them, but I would definitely be upset if I missed seeing them.....I am so glad the King's Speech won, it was such a good movie. Natalie Portman did a wonderful job in Black Swan, but for sure it was not a feel good movie and I also thought Christian Bale (correct name?) did a wonderful job as the brother in The Fighter as did the gal who played the mother. Now I think I want to go see Toy Story 3....probably out on video, huh?
Well, good night everyone. I am off tomorrow, but have to be at PT at 9:30 and will go for my treatment after that since the onco let me skip it last Wed.....hard to believe it's been almost a week since we got on the megabus to go to Chicago...I find it downright scary how fast the weeks go by. I can feel this lump down low near the base of my spine and am sure it is ball of muscles that are cramped up....do not even think of tumor since I have never had tumors exhibit themself like that on me....mine are all in something, bone, lung, liver or they are deep as my initial tumor was in the breast. Sleep tight...I have sleeping tips now from that one cont ed course I took if anyone needs them. Oh for pete's sake....George just plopped down on a plastic carton of blueberries I was eating....he insists on being in my way at all times. For you newbies, George is a cat.
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I have had much time to reflect lately. I heard a wonderful quote, 'It's not the load that breaks you down....it's the way you carry it that matters-Lena Horne. I have been thinking alot about the devisive issues raised on BC.org by a small group of women. And i will speak only of my experience in relation to this controversy. At risk of being banned again from this Board and singled out personally, I will write especially about the opinions and guesses about me made by women who know nothing about me and have never written or spoken to me. I remain stunned that the moderators have not intervened in several cases, except to ban me from making so-called personal attacks-which I have not done. This Board is Holy Ground for me but some of the ugliness I see from some women and the warped posts I have been reading are a reflection of women who need to put a face on their fear. The easier softer way to deal with CANCER, is to blame the woman next to you and to look for boogeywomen under every rock and (and God knows) NOT to look at the disease that will likely claim all of our lives. Cancer-the great deceiver and hasn't it been cancer that has deceived us all. In my mind it has certainly not been most of the women on this Board. I think much terror can be created by women who cannot deal with the fact that they have cancer. The statistics tell us that most of us will die from a disease that we did not see coming nor do we have control over it. And we will die in an unplanned attack on our body that often has come much too soon in our lives. When we cannot explain things, or our universe goes upsidedown, too often, it is so easy to transfer the feelings of terror to people, boogeymen and trolls. It gets transferred in disguise into 'ugly side issues' like what the latest gossip is (whether true or not) and who do we need to ban and/or attack or join with to feel OK about ourselves rather than be any 'kind of lonely' with this disease. My how we court any allies when we lack the courage to stand against something so devestating as CANCER-families torn apart; finances lost at the end of our lives; Husbands leaving; struggles with the SE's of terrible meds and the cost of treatment and what it does to our families and on and on. I think much of what has gone on, of late, is a very clear reflection of women with no coping skills, who must 'put a troll face' on cancer. And unfortunately, the first face we see in the morning mirror is that of a woman. We have been taught to cut out anyone threatening and most often, women are the target. How we denegrate women!! We know all of the ins and outs and tricks of the trade that, if not learned by jr high, will leave us alone in this world and how awful is that concept!! To be left alone with cancer!! It is so easy to vilify a person than a disease. It is so easy to vent on our sisters rather than deal with our own feelings (for me anyway) of tremendous shock, sorrow and grief. I am a healthy woman who did not plan on getting CANCER AT AGE 57. In example, (and i can only speak for myself) I have been accused on another thread of posting pictures apparently "because I need my ego stroked.' or so the posts and rumors go.The person who wrote that made a silly and incredibly inaccurate presumption of ugly gossip she created. And with that she fanned the usual misconceptions about me (or any of us). She has never talked to me personally, does not know me and yet she spurred gossip unworthy of this Board and the women suffering here in the hundreds of thousands. She worked it until her false barbs became unfortunate "truths" about me. I want to set the record straight-not for the women on this thread because you all know me-but for the ignorants who wander this Board creating havoc. I am an art photographer and I show at one of the most prestegious Art galleries in NC-I know I am good at what I do. My posting of pictures has NOTHING to do with puny issues of EGO (Easing God Out). My gift in posting my pictures has to do with ONE THING ONLY-I pray the photos will be seen by the one woman who cannot get out of bed either from chemo or because cancer is taking them close to the end of their mortal life. I hope and pray that the one skill I have will bring a bit of joy to someone for just for one brief moment. It has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME AND EVERYTHING TO DO WITH GOD (Good Orderly Direction) and my love for most of the women on this Board (and I seperate Board from thread). I want and hope that our thread will stand as a beacon for all seeking safety from the shelter of the storm-whether it be made by a few women on this Board bent on destruction and negativity to avoid their own real and true feelings-or the shock of hearing the diagnosis of CANCER applied to me. I have NO risk factors for BC and it came as a total shock to me. Sorry, but I had other plans made for the twilight of my own years. AS to a very small part of my own story, I cannot take any of the cancer cures, chemicals or treatments afforded other women. The only option offered me after seeing three top oncs is surgery in a bi-lateral mastectomy. And even that guarantees nothing for me-my situation is unique and because of that, my cancer is untreatable. I am told this by these ONCS and I understand very clearly (barring other circumstances) that CANCER will be the disease that will kill me. And my tumor profile came back as a cancer that returns in the lungs or bones or both. And God help me, I pray everyday for acceptance and then I ask GOD what can I do for the sister who is still suffering.That is why this thread is so very important to me and everything written on this Board must be well thought out and aimed at raising the spirit of ANY other woman or victim of this dreadful disease. The idea that an entire thread would be developed to denegrate women is beyond my scope of understanding. The reality that other women on this Board would denegrate women by calling them out as "trolls" is beyond me. Why the moderators have not shut it down AGAIN is beyond my understanding-but it is none of my business anymore. We are our ONLY allies in a world that denegrates women. Fast Forward-- what I will tell you, is that lots of people paid attention to me (doctors and such) when I was first diagnosed-but as the treatment options failed, the fact is that the medical community has begun to abandon me. I do not fit any treatment model. One year out of cancer (for me) it is like my own docs cannot look me in the eyes because they know the risk I face in having no treatment options. So it is just me and the God of my understanding and you all. In the life of a cancer patient-time changes all things. People who trust and love you should not. New priorites must be set with the help of people who love you just for who you are. Any bumps in the road of relationships should be mended for a higher calling. It is up to me, as a sister on this thread to let the newcomer and all my closest sisters know that God loves you as much as He loved Mother Theresa. And what has happened in this terrible diagnosis, is just life on life's terms. It is CANCER and it is not fair! I look to the women on this thread like MB, Lisa, Barb A, Rae, Connie, Chrissy AmyJo and on the list goes - for their experience-how do I make this new reality my friend? I think most important for me, I will need the strength of each good shoulder to lean on and to learn how to live with this disease. In finding a new norm after cancer or without it, I wonder how I want to spend my last days on this earth-how do I want to try to make people feel? Do I want to offer unconditional love despite any hint of taint or the scandal of the ugly 'posters' who might hit this Board (and please note that I distinguish Board from thread) who engage in henious games like how to find trolls on this Board? Who cares? Who cares that there are women who are perhaps meanspirited, deceitful or bent on creating havoc here. Any adult woman can spot them and any women in her right mind should know how to stay away from them or block their harmful posts. Eventually I believe that the spirit of grace will be their downfall.You women on this thread and on our FB are all that I have and most of you truly are my sisters. How do I want to represent my thread? By calling other women 'trolls?" I THINK NOT!! I would like to be able to imagine that if I had a 17 year old daughter who is just diagnosed with cancer, where would I bring her for support? Would I even bring her to BC.org-Likely not! The avarace I have seen written by some of the women on this Board pales in comparison to what we all face in our day to day moment to moment lives. These artificial reefs of hurtful issues are difficult enough for us who are older and wiser to deal with, let alone a newcomer. I know this because of the PM's I have received from newcomers who have recently fled from unsafe ground. Unfortunately, it is so easy to get tangled in creating chaos and other matters and other controversies out of fear of people, places and things. In truth the daily drudge of living with cancer, alone, is enough for me. My EGO (Edging God Out) does not belong here. Again, this is Holy Ground for me and Good Orderly Direction, belongs here in each and every keystroke. I am here to be of service. I am here to share my experience, strength and hope. I have teams of Doctors who have no idea how to treat me because of my unique circumstances. I plan my death every day but I also plan my life thru the eyes of the beautiful women on this thread. And I select who I want to watch my back and who will be at my side both in the brightest and darkest days. I seek out the group of women I want in the foxhole with me-that is my one choice in dealing with CANCER. Because without you all, I am alone with this terrible disease. All else and matters unkind should fall away and I believe they will by grace alone. God is good! But often issues and resolutions do not happen in my time. nor in the ways I would choose. I know the women on this thread to be nothing but loving and kind and true. Hand to God, I SO wish it worked across the Board, but it does not. I want our thread to be a soft place to fall for all seeking unconditional love and support. I promise to work harder to be a better sister. I promise that if I have any questions, I will have the courage to bring them directly to the person involved; if I am upset or do not understand, I promise to go to the source, instead of pissing in the communal sandbox. I love you all on this thread dearly and know that when you feel most alone, there is at least one person sharing your burden and that is me, or Barb, or MB or Ginger or QCA or Connie or Lisa or any of the other tried and true members of this thread. And please know that we are working to uplift you, not denegrate you behind your back in unkind thought or deed. I promise NEVER to support you on the Board and PM my posse about you behind your back. What silly nonsense that is in the face of what we all are forced to live with. And I read proslytizing from women I don't even know about me writing about being ill with the flu or having sinus trouble as a stupid ego trip developed by me for alledged attention. Do any of these women offer me comfort or ask me about the other illnesses I contend with besides CANCER-NOPE! They do not know because I do not write things like...... I have a $1400 vet bill from urgent surgery my dear Angus needed-that issue heaped upon the sinus infection and pneumonia, kept me from being able to travel off the island where I live to Duke University Cancer Center for my first appointment there ever. This would have been my first appointent since my surgery, with a team of cancer specialists. I don't write about that (except now) because it is too freaking heartbreaking for me-it is that simple. Yet the harpies go on their whirlwind of the destruction of the women on this Board. I have sent many PM's in hopes of crossing a divide and finding common peaceful ground where we all can stand tall and work to a higher purpose-that of helping the new person coming on the Board, who has just heard the word CANCER for the first time in her life. I have been sober a very long time and I believe that GRACE alone brings ALL who come to our doorstep. My promise to my sisters is to take another personal inventory to look at how I greet that woman and welcome her into the fold. I look, hope and pray to write the proper thing for a unity that will strike somewhere deep in her heart that will allow her to believe that yes, we all have this terrible disease and no, there is no cure and yes, we will likely die from it-but we still have hope, we still live useful lives and we will not carry this heavy load alone! Nor will we leave anyone behind who does not want to be left behind. That is my prayer for all women, old and new, who show up everyday and enter and take the time to write on THIS LOVING THREAD of incredibly strong and gifted women. How blessed am I to be here?? I wish that love was a color-I would gladly paint your world with it-but it is not. It is a feeling that comes with sharing, with time, with experience, strength and hope. Do not leave us too soon because we need you. Remember that if you have arrived on this thread, GRACE has brought you here. What you CHOOSE to do with that is up to every woman who crosses the threshold into OUR house. May we welcome you in unconditional love, with open hearts and open arms. But I am also a realist after having seen what I have seen on BC.org-again it is not up to me to judge. Each woman has her own journey and whether the motive for coming here be good or bad, I BELIEVE that GRACE will sort it all out and leave us with a safe haven. I love you all so very much, SV
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