Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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mommarch, I would have loved to see that wild donkey. Do you see them often? If so, please take a picture! Your place sounds so neat to me!
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Chevy- You made me cry. Sometimes I just want to scoop my mom up, hug her and make it all better. I guess that is how she felt with me, when I was little...and probably even when I was not so little. Actually, she still knows how to do that. One day I was crying about my boyfriend. I try not to cry in front of her but that day I did. She reached for my hand and held it. She tried to say something. My mom knows alot and understands so much more now than even 6 months ago, but she still can't express herself at will. She has always recognized everyone so we are so thankful for that.
I am trying to find a work at home job. It is just so hard to know what to do. My boyfriend travels at least 50% of the time, and goes to the house in CT to take care of things (fix car, mow grass, go hunting, be with our stuff, go mountain biking) and only comes here for occasions now. I haven't worked full time in a few years (long story- it was my choice which maybe wasn't the best choice in hindsight). I know my boyfriend is annoyed at paying all my bills and probably because he works so hard. He doesn't get that my "job" is 24/7 and though I don't have the stress of deadlines, managing people and meeting performance expections, I have a different kind of stress. When someone asks me how mom is (someone who has no idea), and I start to tell them, I cry. It's not so much the words I say as it is the thoughts in my head- I think, "There is no possible way I can even explain to you what it is like." When I tell him, it makes me cry, he says that it has been over a year and I need to get over it. I don't cry for the same reason I cried for a year ago. But, I do still cry and I know that is OK, even if he doesn't think so.
I have no point in saying all that really. But, thanks for listening.
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Reg everytime I read u'r posts I just feel so much for u--u'r doing so much anc u'r mom knows it. There are not many women that could do what u do, u'r mom , thos so sick, is very blessed to have you.
Alot of women lately are working from home??? I don't know how or exactly what they're doing but with computers now it's quite the thing to do. Maybe u could access u'r computer to help u find these jobs and just do it part timr til u get the hang of it.??? I don't know--I wish I could do that, but I don't have the discipline, I always needed structure to work, besides I would be distracted very easily. But if u'r the kind of person that can do this look for one. I think it's a cheaper way for businesses to have contract written or other documents taken care of so more and more are doin that.
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Thanks
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Sharon....just back from work and reading your post. I'm so glad you trust us and are ok with sharing some of your deepest thoughts and trials. I can't really say anything too much about others reasons.....but I know it was VERY bothersome to me when my family ( including my mother ) members were ill and not doing well. It was a time of painful comtemplation. I watched these once strong, stoic women.....unable to do so many of the things they could before.......and knowing that they were feeling a sense of loss and likely other somewhat negative things too.
I recall listening to my Mom say " well, as long as I can do this " about whatever it was at the time......then she would be able to be ok with the losses that she had already experienced. She was justifying her need to give in and give way....and find some good way to accept the parts of her that she had been comfortable with for so very long that were now being so elusive. It was heart wrenching.....there is little you can say or do. I had to be supportive, but I wanted to yell to God and the Universe....no, don't do this to her.
In the end....we both learned so many things of value. I watched her find so many ways to maintain her stoic demeanor, and I watched her keep loving her life --- even when it was diminishing at what sometimes felt like an alarming rate.
It helped me to to realize my family is made of strong stuff.......and when I heard those three horrible words....you have cancer.....I knew I would fight tooth and nail to erase its presence. So....all the things that happen -- no matter what they are, and often no matter that we are having the experience though another family member, or a best friend, or boyfriend, wew are learning and growing through the adversities that are very much equal opportunity.
So Sharon, cry when you must, it is something that everyone needs to do, but know that you are sharing something special with your Mom and that 5 or 10 years from now......I hope like me, you look back and see not the anguish, but the beauty and the wholesomeness and the vibrancy of this special time.
Chevy...love the graphic you put in your entry.
See all of you later.
Peace and love
Jackie
Hugs to Carole and Dh....hope your trip home is done....or quite, quite close. I know you mentioned Dh has an appt. tomorrow with his Dr.'s.
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Home again, home again, jiggity jig.
We got home yesterday afternoon about 5:15 pm. We travelled from Caruthersville, MO, where we'd stayed overnight in Lucky Lady Casino RV Park. It's a very clean, nice rv park. We walked over to the casino for dinner and played video poker for about an hour. We got free t-shirts for signing up for a play card. Plus we each earned more than 10 pts. during the short time we played so we received each a voucher for $10. So we ended up with $10 extra to put toward our dinner.
Today was a busy day transferring food and clothing and other possessions from the camper to the house. We also got the inside of the camper clean.
It's good to be back home even if it's much too hot for comfort. DH has his apptment with the cardio dr.'s NP tomorrow morning. He felt good yesterday and didn't have any "spells," nor has he had any today. I'm hoping that if he has more blockage--and I'm assuming he does--that another stent will be the treatment and not bypass surgery.
Again, thanks to everyone for the prayers and concern.
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Carole...So glad you are back home safely! I hope your hubby's appointment goes well tomorrow. Were you a winner at the Lucky Lady? We like that little casino!
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rita, hope this comes through, this a picture I took a while back of our wild donkeys.
DH said when he went down our main road this morning that there were several of our residents of the DMR hearding Donkeys back up the road into the DMR. We have a rancher down below, if they get onto his property he will shoot them. They are so neat.
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It seems the universal condition is that we all have cares...things we have to deal with...thing that even put BC in the back seat for a time...
Carole, welcome home and I wish you and your husband a good outcome for his health.
Jackie, your post about not being a victim is so true. We get lots of practice at that.
DD told me they are taking my older grandaughter to Disney (FL) for her birthday and meeting their old friends from NJ there. I was expecting to go with them but instead she asked me to babysit my younger grandaughter in MA as they do not want to deal with her naps and stuff.
I told them I wanted to go and would care for baby...but she said "you can come but we are leaving Caroline home"....of course I wouldn't go.I thought, "After all I did for them, 4 weeks of support and traveling and helping and packing and loading and unloading and spoiling the grandaughters....."
So, now I get to choose...realize I did all those things because I truly chose to...choose to not feel put out or victimized, make an independent decision, and move forward and make my own plans. Hope I can do it...Hugs for everyone...
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Geez Joan.... that's pretty cold. Sorry about that. When my Daughter & her Husband went to visit DisneyWorld, they TOOK both kids! One was just 4 and the other almost 2...! They work around naps, etc. It was a FAMILY trip...
But I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you haven't said to yourself! She is so in charge! They get their mind set on something, and there is no going back.
Is there anyway you can tell her how you feel? I think I would try it. Why do these Daughters' sometimes make us feel like THEY are the Mom's? I think it is because we don't want to up-set the apple-cart.
Hey, wait.... MAYbe say, Okay, how about if I go, have my own room, WITH the baby? THAT way you would sometimes all be together!
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The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. ~ Chinese Proverb -
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Oh Joan.....why on why must there always be a divide.....I guess we have to file it under...." It's always something " and figure out how to move on. Even with that I do still believe so much of what we deal with has something of value for us to learn about and somehow grow....but it is hard to see when you are right in the middle........knowing how you ALREADY tried in every way possible to HELP and make things good.
Chevy that is a good point.....that moms ( meaning the next generation ) have to feel like they are in charge, but couldn't that club they are hitting you with be just a bit smaller. Sometimes I suspect that the generations coming up don't always seem to have much flexibility room. I always felt like....and still do, that surely even though you feel strongly about something, there must be some sort of compromise that will get us on or very, very close to being on the same page.
I hope things can work out without anyone feeling as though they HAD to give up.
Peace and love,
Jackie
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Hi ladies,
Seems this younger generation is quite self centered. I have a step son who has not talked to his father for a year, because we asked him to remove unused junk, he has stored on our property. They seem to think in terms of , "my way or the highway." It's sad, but you can't allow them to take advantage of you, because you are afraid they will get mad at you. I know it's between a rock and a hard place. Hope you find a comfortable answer.
Jean
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Joan, I can relate to you.
My daughter is going to Disneyworld in November and would never think of asking me to come on her family vacation with her husband and two kids. Daughter lives 3 hours away.
But it is my son and daughter n law, who live in the same town and whom I have babysat for 4 years, free of charge, for her to finish her PHD degree, that gets to me the most. She is moody, and when we get together, she may be hateful to our whole family, or as sweet as sugar, you just never know. She is genius smart, a chemistry engineer, with her Doctorate. She calls all the shots, period, when it comes to my sweet granddaughters and I figured out a long time ago if I wanted a relationship with the granddaughters and my son, that I would have to bite my tongue many many times, and just go along. Her own parents that she only sees about 6 times a year mean everything to her. They have never babysat. I have been the tireless one that has been there for her.
But I figure, thats the way it goes.
So, I completely understand your hurt.
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Carole - thinking of you and your DH today with his cardio appt. Did you drive from Caruthersville to Madisonville? I've been to Caruthersville many times at least the edge/exit on way to western KY. Except for being long drive and getting around Memphis looks like straight shot.
Joan - What was DD going to do with younger GD if you didn't babysit for their trip? I agree that all you can be is you and live your life. I know in many ways I hurt my DM and can see it now in disappointments when we didn't come when we said we "might". My DB was the wild child who didn't visit so much and DFW metroplex is not that big. Make your own plans for dear youngest GD time in MA. Sometimes a gentle one uppence is due. I don't mean vengeful but more competent/not gonna get under my skin thing not that you are not one competent lady.
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OT...this is a little off the topic and begging forgiveness, but I ran across it and it sort of explains why I still do have some issues with wrinkles in the sheets. I always thought....if they had a higher thread count...they would be way less wrinkled.....now starting to think... maybe I just need to try what this little blurb says:
Good to Know
- Cotton's natural properties tend to produce fabrications that do not remain wrinkle-free. When laundering, promptly remove items from dryer and smooth them out with your hands before folding or making the bed.
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HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKIE! I hope you're celebrating your special day, dear friend because you are indeed SPECIAL!
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Rita, we did gamble at the Lucky Lady Casino. But only an hour with our new Player's Cards to earn the necessary points for a $10 voucher. The employees there are very nice. We had dinner in the restaurant. I would definitely stop at their rv park again. It was very nice with first-rate hookups and 24 hour security and the price, with discounts, was $17. Definitely our least expensive rv park of the summer.
Luvmygoats, we did drive from Carruthersville to Madisonville in one day. We started out at 8:15 am and were home about 5:15. We stopped for lunch and made a couple of fuel stops. We take a break to get out and walk around on the average of every 2 or 2 1/2 hours.
DH is scheduled for a stress test on Sept. 26th. This is the 3rd day that he hasn't had any angina symptoms since he began taking the new med.
Today I finished up the laundry and made a big dent in the ironing. It will seem strange to wear ironed clothes! It was strictly wash and wear this summer.
Joan, how old is the grandchild who is being left home? I can understand how your feelings have been hurt over being excluded from the Disney trip. You would like to be a part of the trip and share the experiences.
Camille, we're watching a PGA tour tournament in Chicago and the golfers are wearing SWEATERS. Boy, are we envious. Our original plan was to be in the Chicago area (Beach Park) this week. DH's nephew lives in Beach Park. He's on the police force in Waukeegan.
Hugs to all.
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Thank you so much Rita.....it has been interesting to say the least. Discovered this afternoon ( usually every time it is due the DMV sends me notification in the mail to renew my license ) an hr. before the license bureau closed.....that mine was actually due. Had to run down and renew.......so I could stay legal. Also found out that they charge $30.00 now instead of $10.00......Denny and I were scrounging to get it together........whew !!!!! I really don't feel 68......I feel at least 10 yrs. younger......well, most of the time. I think getting that license taken care of in time helps that feeling of youth.....all the relief.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Happy Birthday Jackie!
Di
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Carole I'm so glad u'r home and happy u'r DH is feeling OK and let us know about his app't after tom. It got so cool here I love it.
Jackie that was not supposed to be the picture but it printed that one so I thought I'd leave it there.
I remember nothing else. hahaha
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Cammi....at least he is not wearing my clothes --- I couldn't get into those.
Jackie
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Happy Birthday, Jackie! Another year wiser....to help us all.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JACKIE...while 68 doesn't sound so old to me, (gonna be 65) you certainly don't "sound" that "old"!
I hope you had a wonderful day and I wish you a healthy, happy year to come. Hugs and prayers for you, our sister, friend, and giver of wisdom.0 -
Thank you all so much for your kind words and empathy.
Chevy, I have been thinking of you this week...are you OK with all this water? I have been on all those roads that are cut off or washed out...those canyons can be treacherous. I hope you and the chickens are doing well.
My GD is almost 3 - perfect age - I did offer to go but when Caroline sees her mom she becomes irrational and demanding...but like you, Chevy, I still don't get it.
I do feel better today....work is good for me especially on Friday.
Jackie, DD has to feel in charge at all times. She does not look back or show much emotion...just looks ahead and moves forward. She did, however, show us love and appreciation during the move. She has a hard shell but it wasn't easy for her.
Jackie, I know that feeling of "getting it done" and it does make me feel good.
Also, I love to put my sheets on the bed while warm and smooth them...it works!
Jean, you are right...we have to let go of what we can't control. And by nature our kids will take from us long into adulthood.
Rachel, thanks for weighing in...maybe you and I should go to see the Mouse
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and your DiL sounds like my DD...all the earmarks of a determined successful woman...I cannot say anything negative or she cuts me off mid-sentence. Heaven help me if I suggest that they do not buy a house near the coastal road because during storms or high tides they could be cut off. Nope, she won't think that way. As far as us supporting them with our time and help, it is our choice and we do it because we love our grandkids. By the way, I wouldn't have thought of inviting my Mom to go with us...but then, she would never have done the things I do.
Luvgoats...if I do not go, she will probably hire the new nanny to spend the week end...Caroline loves her. Her in-laws live very close to them but they cannot safely handle the strong-willed grandaughter.
Cammi, thanks for the hilarious giggle...I love to come here because you make me smile! I hope you are doing well this week.
Carole, it is bittersweet that you are not still traveling and enjoying the cooler fall-like weather...I am glad to hear that DH is responding well to the medication. It seems like a long wait for that stress test. I hope it turns out well.Sorry so long, but i think we have hit on yet another somewhat universal dilemma in families. Thanks for listening...and for sharing. It helps.
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Joan U'r right tho--I would never asked my parents to go anywhere with me actually, yet we were very close, so I guess it's the same thing sort of. My girls do ask me tho, but they know I'll say no anyway or they wouldn't ask me. So it's the same thing. I live with my one DD2 so I want them to go and they don't go anywhere, but being Italian u kind of brainwash u'r kids from the time they are young--It's called guilt. U can't help u'rself it's part of raising them and since I raised them mostly on my own I could do the guilt thing alot---I had free reign LOL and I had my mom and dad most of their lives and they were even better at it. hahaha Now I live with my grandson and I have my hands on him all the time--so that way I'm lucky--he still thinks I'm wonderful and when he has a bad dream he comes to me--so I'm sitting pretty with him---Not the way I planned my retirement at all but it's the way it is.
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CAMMI! WHAT is that PICTURE you posted? Good Lord, that guy is enough to give me nightmares! Jackie, she didn't know what she was doing! Here she has a whole stash of good-looking guys, and she posts THAT one! But seriously little Cammi, I loved reading about you being Italian, and how they THINK, or lack of, and you forgot the word "possessive".... and maybe even "over-board"...Ha!
You just sound so happy, and are silly with me! Oh! By the way! I took my chicken neighbors little girl a book, for them to read to her at bed-time, and I gave the chickens cantalope, so she gave me 6 EGGS! Ha! Enough for you too, if you want to come for breakfast! You can have the little "green" one...
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Oh Chevy not this ham and green egg thing again--chit--do they ever stop laying eggs--their bottoms must be sore--Imagine the first person who ever ate an egg--as they said whatever comes out of that chicken I'm going to eat. Wow brave person, probably the same person who said whatever comes out of that cow I'm going to drink.
Good Morning all, yes Chevy and I never stop, it's just in us, it's how we bond. And u'r right bout Italian parents possessive, oh and sometimes loud for no reason.
I hope everyone has a good day today. I'm trying
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Happy Birthday, Jackie! Your age--68--sounds young to me now. I hit the big 70 in March.
I don't quite understand leaving an almost-3-yr-old at home when the family is going to Disney. But maybe there's enough $$$ to go to Disney a number of years, as some families do when they can afford it.
DH's sister and her dh just took their 8-yr-old GD to Disney. She insisted on flying so they did. They have 4 grandkids and have taken them all to Disney now. First the twins. Then the middle child. And now the youngest child. The dh is a retired physician and they have plenty of $$$.
I have never been and don't have any plans of going. I hear stories about the long lines. We visited Ebcot (sp?) a few years back in Jan. and I could have skipped it. If I did go back, I would spend my time in the area with the countries. I don't care about thrill rides.
I'd rather eat green eggs at Chevy's house than go to Disney!!!
Camille, lucky you with the cool weather. It's cool inside my house with the a/c running! With any luck, we'll get some nice weather about the middle of Oct.
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