Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
Comments
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I think I forgot to tell you that our GD had her school physical last Friday and had to have her second chickenpox vac and on Sun. night she had chickenpox. Dr. said this is rare but does happen. So she was home on Mon. felt better and went for a walk on Mon. evening and fell. So on Tues. she was still very itchy and her arm was swollen. They took her to the ER and no broken bones, but very bruised. Tomorrow her school is taking the Jr. and Sr. High School on a tubing expidition down the Black River and then they will have a catered speggitti dinner when they get back. DD and SIL have been having alot of financial problems because he lost his job, he is working again, but it takes awhile to recoup. I sent $25 Western Union this evening so GD could go on the outing. We are a couple fo softie. We had those problems in our lifetime also. When I was a teen my Dear Grandfather always came through for me. Figure I can't take it with me. My Dad was just the opposite he was going to hang on to that almighty dollar for ever. He left my Mom very well off. I would have loved him more if he had bothered to have fun with us.
Good nite.
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My dad used to talk about how his Mom during the depression would make chicken scratch soup. It was made by cooking down the chicken legs. I remember when they would butcher a hog and my Mom would keep us under her wing and make sure we did not go near the barn yard. My Grandmother would fry up the hog skins. Which people today love. Cant stand them. I guess I had a colorful childhood. My Grandmother on my Moms side ate pickeled pigs feet. She was from Sweedish decent, don't know if that had any bearing on it or not.
Hugs need to hit the hay
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Mommarch how many shots do they get and I have heard tho plenty after the first shot get a small version of the chicken pox, but maybe not with the other shots.???
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"Everything is a gift of the universe —even joy, anger, jealously, frustration, or separateness. Everything is perfect either for our growth or our enjoyment." —Ken Keyes Jr.
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mommarch...glad you made sure your GD could go on her outing. It is hard to catch up these days with bills and would have been a shame if she had to look back some day on some of the fun school outings missed due to lack of money. I feel for anyone struggling though many do with our poor economy. Could be so much better if the GOP would quit obstructing, but I don't want to get started on that.
Our parents' generation so often had truly hard lives. The way my folkes talked about their upbringing, whole neighborhoods lived the same way---learning how to stretch resources. They were not the disposable society we are now. My folks still lived that way a bit, but not with everything.
Not sure but when I was in the service we were re-vaccinated for several things, even more if you were going to be stationed overseas, so vaccinations do after many years lose some ability to protect you I guess.
Hope you all have a gorgeous day.
Peace and love
Jackie
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So far the forecast for rain all day today hasn't proved to be true. The sun is shining and it's in the low 90's outside. It's cool inside! I took my mother's list to the supermarket and bought her groceries for the week. On the way to her house, I picked up lunch for us at McDonald's.
Now I'm back at home and will probably not do much constructive this afternoon. DH's truck is gone so I'm assuming he went to play golf.
There's a high probability of rain for tomorrow and Sunday and into Monday. Boo. Hiss. The cold front causing the rain isn't supposed to bring us any relief in temperature or humidity.
I'm trying to make up a menu for Sunday dinner at my mother's house. It's difficult because my sister's dh eats no vegetables. My niece's three children eat fewer foods than you can count off on your fingers. They mostly like fried chicken from a chicken place and pizza and French fries. They will eat ham and roast. So the challenge is to provide a large amount of food with enough variety that everybody finds something to eat. I'm thinking meat sauce and spaghetti. Or maybe lasagne if it rains on Sunday and I don't take my mother to church. Except it's hot for using the oven.
Think about me if you're having a cool day!
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oh mommarch...You are a good grandmother! :-) I would have done the same thing for a grandchild without a moment's hesitation. Also, my Dad and his family loved pickled pigs feet and they were Danish. I couldn't even stand the smell of them.
We had rain this morning so no golf for me today. The sun is out now but the course is too wet for me. I'm more of a fair-weather golfer so I'm catching up on emails, etc. and am going to tackle cleaning out a bookcase in my office. Tonight we are joining friends for pizza.
Carole, so glad you are feeling better!
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Carole u sound a lot better but take it a little easier. And u'r BIL eats no veggies--None--I've never heard of that--
Rita we had rain here too and it's cloudy now, more rain later???
Jackie u were in the service??? I never heard that u told us that. Wow
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Carole, spaghetti sauce is an excellent vehicle in which to hide vegetables. Just have to make them too small to identify. GS1 only eats meat and carbs, nothing green. GS3 only eats vegetables and grains, no meats. GS2 and GS4 are omnivores.
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Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.
John Milton0 -
You find yourself refreshed by the presence of cheerful
people. Why not make an earnest effort to confer that
pleasure on others? Half the battle is gained if you never
allow yourself to say anything gloomy.
Lydi Maria Child0 -
Hi everyone,
Haven't been on much; can't always "steal" someone's wifi. I still feel like I am living in a dream (nightmare) these last weeks. I had my mail forwarded to my Mom's address but am still getting it @ HIS house, so I went to the post office & talked to a arrogant supervisor. He said it was MY responsibility to notify everyone that I receive mail from, not his! In the meantime, I have to drive 16 miles out of my way after work, so I can pick up my mail. My ex leaves it outside, by the front door, under a brick. I went there on Wednesday after work & He was home, vehicle in the driveway & also SHE was there; her vehicle in the driveway!!! I was so pissed! How could he be home in the middle of the day? when he always said he was too busy w/ work! It took all of my effort NOT to pick up the brick & hurl it through his front door! I think he planned that on purpose because he knew I was going to be picking up my mail!!
I feel like I have gone from taking care of him (doing his laundry, cooking his meals, grocery shopping) to taking care of my 82 yr old mother. Only w/ her, it's more like having a toddler to care for & she is always here. She has her daily routines & cannot deviate from them! She is always watching me; what I am doing & why.
I just wish some doors would open soon! I have made countless lists & crossing things off, but I feel like I'm stuck; not sure what the "right" thing to do is. Financially I'm screwed; I only work part time & in order to even live in an apt complex, I have to prove that I make over $28,000 a year, which I do not!!!! I have looked @ a few town houses to buy, but it scares the crap out of me to have a mortgage payment @ my age! I did that already, by myself after my husband died & left me w/ all the bills & the kids to raise.
Anyway, it's a gloomy Sunday here; hope you all are in a better place than I am. Thanks for listening.
Linda
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Linda, having been thru a divorce, because of the" other woman", now his wife, I know where you're coming from. Was married 20 years, had 2 kids still at home, it stinks and they seem to get all the benefits! Can't say much, had my mom eventually, but didn't live with her, but my brother lived in TX, so I had that too. You will find you are stronger than you think. Do you have any support group you can go to, that helps, sharing with others who have been there? Hang in there. Jean
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Linda....It does sound like your ex got to rub it in....but look, there is such a thing as KARMA, and you know the old saying......what out what you wish for...you just might get it. Well, he apparently has part of his wish.......wonder if it will turn out that he gets the rest of it and ends up miserable.
That is the good part of reaching the part where you are over things.....just in case you don't get to see the KARMA bubble explode all over him, you won't care. But...that is likely some time from now and you have some immediate things going on. I would like to know if maybe you might quaalify for subsidized housing or something like that.
I know I will sound like a broken record, and it does take time, but hopefully you will find that place where YOU feel in charge again. Annoyed sometimes at the way things happen, but knowing you have taken your POWER back and you are going to take care of your life....whatever comes along.
I say these things after having been with my dh now.....for nearly 40 years. First marriage of ten years didn't make it. It is easy for me to give advice and I try to think about that when I say things. I really don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. I just know that I come from a long line of people who just didn't know how to quit so I'm sure I'll keep on one way or the other.
Sorry that things are like they are at your Mom's.....but she too is not used to sharing her space and though I'm sure she gladly does it......she is likely trying to adjust too and maybe not doing it so well either. In the great words of someone or other.....this too should pass. I don't think time is the enemy here.....I just think a whole lot more of it has to go by before you hit a stride where things have a degree....no matter what size, of comfort. My thoughts are with you and my hopes are high.
Love and peace
Jackie
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Linda I give u great admiration standing there with brick in u'r hand, of coirse that's a bad idea but so tempting. I'm sorry u had to even see that other car. OK so right now u live with u;r mom, u have to think of everything that's hppening to you is temporary and as soon as u cn work it out u'll be on u;r own--so set u;r goals, one at a time cuz it doesn't sound like it's going to be easy in some ways. U know what needs to be done and it;s not really fair that u got the short end of the stick.--Is the house in both of u'r names or is it an apartment?-Like I said one step at a time.
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Linda, Jackie poses an interesting question about your possibly qualifying for subsidized housing. I thought that a person could have mail forwarded to a different address for a year. The post office will only forward magazines for a month, though. Sorry you're so miserable. Hope things improve. You have to close the door on that life with the boyfriend and not let the bitterness ruin the rest of your life.
DH and I attended the Abita Springs Opry last night with two friends. We luckily arrived at the town hall (where the opry is held) between rain showers. The performances were interrupted when a man in the audience became ill and it was necessary for EMTs to come and take him to an ER. The music performers were all pretty good but not really outstanding.
Today we took food for noon dinner to my mother's house. I had cooked a big pot of red beans with andouille sausage (spicy smoked sausage) and a Boston butt pork roast. We also had a green salad and garlic bread. And a chocolate cake I made with the help of Duncan Hines.
After dinner we watched the New Orleans Saints defeat the AZ Cardinals.
When we got home, I watched the end of the year championship PGA golf tournament. The winner got $11,000,000. Isn't that obscene for a golfer to earn that much $$$ ? Where is our sense of values? Well...yes...of course, I'm envious!
Hope everybody had a good weekend.
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Carol u saw another Er thingy going on? Enough already. But u sound good so I'm happy about that. And Duncan Hines in u'r kitchen. lucky woman. Take care of u'r self Carole.
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Morning gals! Linda, I think I would have forgotten about the brick and just drove your car right into his house! Except that would have hurt your car...
What you should do is call the companies, that you know will be sending you mail, and give them your address... If anything important goes to his house, they will eventually find you anyway...but I had to do this when my folks passed away. Let HIM deal with the stuff you get in the mail. He is a low-down loser, and does NOT need to ever hear from you again. You owe him nothing.
And I would seriously think about moving clear away from all of them! Women can do this.... Take what you can, and if you do not have a place to stay, the local police department will put you in contact with services for women, like places to stay.... food and shelter!
And think of everything as only temporary! Don't hold onto any dreams you had with him... just give it up and move on. If you have friends, or a church, they can help you if you only ask.
You sound like the only tie you have is with your Mother.... but that doesn't sound too good.... Also, just GO to places looking for work.... See what happens... Maybe you will find full-time employment, and can then live in your own apartment without worrying.
Just try and move on.... blaming him will just hurt you.... It IS his fault, but he sounds like a real creep... which is giving him credit for something BETTER than he is! It COULD be worse.... just remember that.... Just go for it girl! Keep your eyes wide open, and hang in there....
Take good care!
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Good advice, Chevy. I agree with everything you said.
Wishing everybody a good Monday.
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I am a Unique Expression of the Universal Fabric of Creation.
I celebrate both my uniqueness and my connection with all that is.
- jlh
Each of us has a unique perception of the world. What if we could all celebrate our different ideas and beliefs rather than argue and fight wars over our differences.0 -
Great information from Chevy --- yes, yes, yes. I think Linda you are in a grief situation which will have to run its course, but I would be "thinking" of it that way.......so that you are ready when the stages get to the end to make good, strong, positive changes. I also do think you are a bit stuck at this point.....not feeling great about giving up whatever "dreams" were going on.....totally unsure about which dreams/goals to latch onto now. Time is not an enemy.......all these answers ( when the time is right ) will come when they are needed...which is hopefully about the time you feel the need to move on and make good changes.
When things go on in my life that I don't like.....I look bck to when I felt things were going really good.....in your case, I presume ( since no one can know about anyone else's life for sure ) that you might be looking back to before this man who is being so awful got into your life and heart. What was going right then.....before this man. Try to duplicate those things to some degree ( knowing we don't live in the past ) and pretty much just skip the part where he comes in.
You can't live in the past, but I think when you see how GOOD you were before.......you will be able to see yourself that way again. You can start from where you are -- because you never lost anything but this booger of a man, the rest is still there ( the good part of all you are ) waiting for you to pick it up again.
Time....it won't be your enemy, really.
Love and peace,
Jackie
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Linda, it actually could be worse. If you were married you would have lawyers fighting and using up whatever money you had. A lot of churches have counselors on staff and there might be someone you could see for free thru a BC organization. I think it would help just to be able to talk. All this jerk needs to do is write 'Please Forward' on mail addressed to you and put it with outgoing mail.
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Yes Linda~ Wren has a good point! You don't need that mail, if it isn't something important.... IF, and I say that with all honesty, that when you DO want to talk to him again, I would tell him where he can store all of your mail!
He is such a JERK!!! Leaving it on the porch...under a brick! It's a wonder he didn't give it to HER to deliver TO you! He can either forward it, or stick it where the sun don't shine. Send HIM a note, telling him all this.... You don't need to talk to him ever again!
And do not let him know where you are..... I would get my number changed in case he gets tired of his other filly, and wants you back in his life. I have never HEARD of anything so cold.
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Jackie, Thank you for your high hopes! I understand what you mean by going back to that part of my life before him, but I really can't duplicate things because I still owned my home & had both of my sons living w/ me. I don't think I'd qualify for subsidizing housing, plus around here, there are 2 year+ waiting lists! You're right; it isn't my Mom's fault, it is just so hard getting use to adapting to a "new" routine, especially when I don't have a lot of my own things (they are in storage).
Chevy, HAHA! If I had a junker car, that would have been a great idea! I did start notifying companies of my address change & hopefully the USPS will catch up to me! I hope that SHE gets tired of him; when she sees his true colors, & you're right, I don't ever want him back!!! Once I figure out where I will be living on a permanent basis, I will not let him know my new address. Yes, he definitely is a cold fish! I can't work a full time job because I receive S.S. Disability due to several health conditions. But even w/ that $$ & what I make @ my part time job, it still isn't enough to "prove" the income requirements for most apartment complexes.
Wren, Good idea, I guess I should tell him to do what you suggested; write "forward" on my mail & put it back in his mailbox.
Carole, It is a year that the USPS will forward your mail but it can take up to 3 weeks (business days). It is just so hard NOT to be bitter; for all that he promised me! & because I developed cancer( not my idea!), he coouldn't handle it.
Camille, I know I have to remind myself that this is temporary & it could be a lot worse. I'm fortunate that my 82 yr old mother still lives in her house & I was able to stay here until I figure things out. It is his house that I moved into @ his persistence!!! He bugged me for at least a year to come live w/ him! I know I made the choice to sell my home of 30 yrs & live w/ him. At the time, it seemed like it was the right thing to do. He made me so many promises; I guess I was blinded w/ the stars in my eyes!!!
Bonnets, You are correct; he has all the benefits & it does stink! I did see a therapist for 3 visits but she really didn't help me & I can't afford to keep going.
Thank you all for listening!
Love, Linda
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Today we finally got a broom order shipped for The Texas Historical commision, it goes to a historical site in San Antonio for their gift shop. We have been so busy this summer that we had to put it on the back burner. Everytime it would be done we would get bombarded and they would be bought. A couple of weeks ago a lady came in and wanted to buy this broom that had been made 15 years ago and was really worn. She wanted to know what DH wanted for it and he told her $110 and she bought it.
We had a lady come in today from Terlingua, TX (in the big bend) she had bought a broom 2 years ago and someone stole it off her patio.
Kids are all fighting, what is new. I think we are going to make out a will shortly and leave the house and land to Kimber. If she wants to keep it fine or she can sell it. She is the only one who really likes the Mt's.
Linda the advice these women are giving you is good. We will be married 44 years in Nov. but I remember all the trouble with the X and my DH had custody with his 4 children, ages 10,8,4,18months. She just up and took off.
Everyone take care
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Linda all the advice is right on, I think u know mentally it is, but emotionally it's harder to move on, it hard to put the pieces back together---But please don't look back at why you did anything, u were in love and u were making decisions that were good for u at the time--u wouldn't have done it differently. So now it's done and for the time being just stay where u are and just slowly take hold of u'r situation, U were in it for years so it can't solve it'self in days. I know It's no fun living where it's not u'r routine or way of living. But it will go by aand new decisions and where u live wil change. Damn he's an ASS, but that's on him not u.
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I found this on another thread [which you may have heard]...
By the time a woman realizes her mother was RIGHT ...she has a daughter who knows she's WRONG....
Linda, you have to move at your pace...it is grief...and for many of us, anger helps fuel action.
I guess you two don't qualify for "palimony"...
Around here, it is not uncommon to rent a share in a house with other single women. It's difficult, but it reduces expenses for a time and usually someone has already made the rental agreement.
I would not have been able to contain myself in your situation. I do not agree with the postal guy...but it only works if mail is addressed to you personally and not both. When it is, then the post office will forward yours. If you put your mail back, it may disappear.
We can only handle one day at a time...we get into the most difficult spots when we start to think too far ahead (or, as was pointed out, we stay stuck in the past).
It's still new,and with the limitations on your earning ability, you will have to be creative.
Hugs and prayers...0 -
Joan I totally forgot about that palimony thing--or what states it is in or anything. I think there was a time period tho--but u never hear about it anymore. If it were me I know I would look for info on it.
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It doesn’t matter for how long the room has been dark; for a day,
or a week, or a year, or for ten thousand years. The moment you bring in a
candle; darkness vanishes like it was never there. Similarly, it doesn’t matter
for how long we are stuck in a sense of our limitations. The moment you decide
to break free, nothing will stop you… unkownso probably Cammi
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