Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Hi ladies,
I've had several pages to read so I got caught up somewhat. Welcome to Sandra4611 & Flatland! Everyone here has been in your shoes & feel free to vent, share your frustrations or whatever you feel like. We all listen to each other & try to give advice if we can. I was diagnosed in January 2013 w/IDC. Had several tests & procedures, then a partial mastectomy in April. I finished w/ radiation in July. I'm so glad I found this site when I did; everyone gave me such support!
Camille & Joan, in regards to what you had said to me a few pages back; unfortunately, NYS does NOT recognize domestic partnerships ( I certainly did research on the laws here). It has been hard to "move on" & I can't help but question myself as to why I did things the way I did.
Jackie, I truly believe; like you said; that people can't deal w/ a diagnoses of cancer & that they feel grateful that it didn't happen to them! I'm sure that is why my BF (or ex BF) shunned me the way he did. He couldn't handle or deal w/ anything I was going through @ the time of my diagnoses. He just figured it was my problem, not his!
Camille Yes, he is an ASS! Big time! I wake up @ night & still can't believe this really happened & he really did betray/lie/cheat on me while I was dealing w/ cancer! It boggles my mind!
Have a good night all,
Linda
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Hi, Sandra. I met two other women on bc.org who opted for bilateral mx when they were diagnosed with DCIS. They, like me, had the immediate reconstruction. I was able to keep both implants but I did have to have the left incision re-done because of dead tissue along the incision.
You've had more than your share of health issues. I hope you're entering a new "healthy" phase.
Today was a long-g-g-g day at the hospital. DH and I got there at 7 am for his 9 am angiogram. He was discharged at 4 pm. The good news is that he didn't need another stent. The dr. did report that dh has cardiomyopathy, which is thickening of heart muscle. We're not quite sure what caused his symptoms of pressure and discomfort in the chest but it wasn't blockage. So that's good.
Camille, did you make that dr. appointment? You know those drs. have to make a living wage.
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Welcome Sandra--whoa U've had a terrible time this past year, but now u have Drs. all over the place taking care of u and a DH which means so so much at this time especially--and if u loose people along the way others wil come--I think too people actually get fearful when their friends realy get sick it changes the dynamics of friendship, they don't mean to, (I think) but they don't know what to say or do and feel like u are not the same person and don't want to bother u too. Well I truly hope u get used to us and and talk with us alot--there are so many caring woman on this thread and we all get the feelings of all of this---
Linda I see u'r reay having such a hard time with u'r situation but it doesn't go away as easily as he went away, cuz it still tugs at u'r heart and we don't know how long that lasts--having u'r heart broken is so very personal and if it's never happened to u it just makes sense to to know he doesn't deserve u and let this happen when u needed him the most. But once it happens to u it is devastating knowing how much hurt is involved and sometimes u go over and over things wondering what u could have done differently to make it not happen. But when u truly start healing u see nothing that u could do or say would have changed anthing. And this whole thing he might have seen as an inconvenience to him and just wanted to not be involved- Still an ASS, but u will heal, believe me, in time.
Carole I do have an app'tment with another new Dr. get this I won't forget this---10/14 at 10:15--isn't that nice. I'm just thrilled I just get thrown around from Dr to Dr. My sister called last nite and since we both got our blood work stuff done--we did our numbers together- I won on cholesterol--better than hers, we both have UTI'S--she won on electrolites, mine are super low--Bit B we are both thw same good--sugar thingy same number and OK and now I think she has neuropathy like I do and the dr. thinks so too. This is not her Onc. But it's the same as my feet and legs. And this time my Diarreha lasted a few days, I'm wiped out, hers lasted one day so she wasn't so bad. I told her we have so many things alike--we could just take turns going to the Dr. instead of both of us going. She knows I come to BCO--she still works so she's tired and isn't on the computer at all after work, but I told her our idea of haveing 2 ribs taken from me was not a good idea--we really thought it could work-but BCO said no so she's thinking of something else--it's funny cuz I worry more about her and she worries more about me--so we don' worry about ourselves/ LOL
I hope to be back later I've been not feeling so well so I'm a little goofy. Shut up Chevy.I know just where u'r fingers are going now.
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Big fingers Chevy.
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Oh Cam! I almost understood everything you said! So you are going back to see what is wrong with you? That was funny, what you said about you two taking turns going to the Doctor's!
You are not goofy, either.... probably not.... only as much as me..... so that's okay.
So you thought of taking two ribs out? Don't you need them? Is that for a smaller waist or something? I have HEARD about that, to make your waist look smaller! In that case, I might have to have about 6 ribs taken out.
Carole, glad your Husband has nothing seriously wrong! Are you getting ready for Winter? Supposed to be here this Friday!
Linda.... it will take a long time, to get over this.... Everything will remind you of him....but he was not a nice guy! Remember that! By the time your heart catches up to your brain, it will be better. When your heart lets him go, and realizes your brain is right, then forgetting him will be easier. It just takes time.......
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Chevy are u supposed to really have snow by this weekend--if so can u take a pic and put it on. It's going to be around 80 here this whole week and some rain??? We've had snow in Oct so many times, but for some reason I just can't imagin it happening for a long time.
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Take away your protective layers ,and open your heart to reveal your beautiful soul .Through an open heart we can learn the art of being humble, compassionate, joyful, peaceful, creative, and loving. ~~~~~~ author not given.
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Yes, they are still calling for rain and snow by Friday! Okay, if it snows enough to take pictures, I will...Ha! It was beautiful out today....Still getting the gardens ready for the cold weather! Are you feeling better Cammi!
It just doesn't seem right teasing you, if you don't feel good!
But I will anyway. Probably next time....0 -
Chevyboy,
Thanks for the warm welcome. So you know the "joys" of a stroke in your brain stem too. Most people don't know much about them. I didn't. Thought all strokes left you with a drooping mouth and paralized side. I missed the symtoms and so did the first doctor I saw. He told me I probably had too much wax in my ears and that's why I couldn't hear well and was dizzy. I went to an ENT who missed it too. Did you have rehab? Do you still have a hearing loss? Mine went away before any of the other symptoms did. I had no voice for 2 weeks and then another 2 weeks of something that sounded like someone was turning the volume off and on. For another month I had a sexy "raspy" voice, then it went back to normal except for one thing. I lost the ability to sing! That came back after about 4 months. The waves of dizziness are long gone and I can handle visual stimulus much better after rehab. Still walk sideways sometimes and can't make quick direction turns without bumping into something, but I don't fall over anymore. How 'bout you?
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Illinois Lady,
Oh no, not you too! Who knew brain stem strokes were so common? Have you recovered completely? My neurologist said whatever didn't "come back" after 3 months would be lost forever. WRONG! I found a fabulous neuro-rehab physical therapist who proved to me I could get better. Maybe not perfect, but better.
I'm sure you are right about people moving away from us when we get cancer. I really think deep down they think it might be contagious. Others seem to have a limited amount of compassion. My husband seems to have an unlimited supply of it and after reading others stories, I know now how rare it is. OMG, my heart goes out to those who have been abandoned when they need help the most.
When I first got sick earlier this year, I kept a lot of it from my husband. He has worked as a volunteer in the burn unit for over 5 years at Brooke Army Medical Center. He sees our beautiful young soldiers who return from the middle east with horrific injuries that cause them unbearable pain. Their lives will never be the same. What right did I have to complain about my stroke problems? I had to use a cane...many of our soldiers don't have arms and legs. My eyesight is messed up...some of them are blind. How could I whine about having to quit my job? So what that I have to have open heart surgery next year. Some of these kids have 20, 30 surgeries ahead of them and recovery will never be the end result.
My therapist helped me to see that I was being unfair to my husband and myself. The changes in my life could not compare to a young wounded soldier, but they were still hard. I had every right to be scared of my future and not want to be a burden on him. She urged me to share my concerns with him. It all worked out. He understands completely and has been with every step of the way since. When I got the breast cancer diagnosis, he said we had made it through some bad things already and would keep moving onward and upward, together.
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Chevy I don't care how I feel, if we don't banter I'll think u know something I don't know LOL
Jackie, Jackie, Jackie----author not given???? Ohhhh
Sandra I think Jackie had one too. And I do know Chevy is hard of hearing.
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Mommarch,
Another Texas girl! Howdy! Boy I bet it felt good not to have the pressure at work. Trying to deal with your health is hard enough without having to deal with ***** in the office. I don't know how people manage to work through treatment. You are my hero for putting up with it as long as you did.
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LindaJD, Carole, Camille,
Kisses to you for such a warm welcome. I'm sure I will enjoy getting to know all of you.
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Chevy,
What's snow? Winter here means you have to give up flip flops for a month and wear a jacket.
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Oh Sandra u poor thing u have to stop u'r flip, flops---where do u live--we will all come and visit for the winter. hahaah
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I agree w/ Camille; we should all go visit Sandra for the winter! Rochester winters are terrible! We have blizzards, ice storms, below freezing temps, I am NOT looking forward to yet another cold, snowy winter. The older I get, the more I hate winter!
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Come on down to sunny San Antonio!
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Oh San Antonio has nice winter weather.
Linda I think Rochester is worse than Chicago with icy, snowy stuff. Lake Michigan saves us alot of times from some storms, winter and summer--but if this winter is opposite of this summer it's going to have lot of stormy snow--I don't have to go out in it so it; not as bad as when I had to drive to work and all that stuff. But still hate it for everyone else.
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Sandra....how fantastic. I took my Medical Corpsman training at Brooke Army Hospital ( well, mainly the school connected to it at Ft. Sam Houston. Wow !!!!! That was back in 1965 -- right after exiting the cave you know.
Yes....well before my stroke I had a bad thyroid problem. It was hyperactive and went un-diagnosed for about 7 yrs. It was not fun......got to the point where my body started shutting down. Was caught just in time that heavy-duty drugs got me back on track but it was about three or four years and most of my rehab I had to figure out how to do myself. I lost all of my muscles and fell frequently due to that. Could not hold anything in my hands because often....my hand would just open again....my brain could not seem to hold on long enough for the signal to take hold. I did not go outside for a long time because if I fell......I had to drag myself over to something -- anything that was stable and force myself back up.
Oh well....the worst I guess was that I had transitory amnesia. If someone asked me a question.....even about something right next to me, I blanked out and had to get someone to help me "remember" .
Onto the stroke. I am about 98% I think. I do have left side weakness and I looked liked a beach whale trying to move when I try and get up from the floor if I get down there for anything......so i try not too. I did have occupational therapy....twice after the stroke. That was another three yrs. or so.
I feel fortunate that I have done really well. Most people do not know that I have had a stroke, or thyroid issues, or cancer either unless I say so. It is just the way I am. I am unwilling to have parts of my life taken away from me that I did not agree to lose ( like we really have a choice all the time ) and so even when I was discouraged.....and I was a few times....I would just keep going and soon the discouragement would fade away.
I come from a long line of rather stoic people and in most of their lives they didn't have a lot of choice so my motto most of my life has been.....if my chest is moving in and out when I wake up in the morning....I'm going for it. Whatever I have to do.
So glad you got some therapy/had a therapist that helped you see that you/we all are here on this earth and we are important to others.....just as they are to us. It is hard to have to share vulnerabilities and disabilities at times.....you don't want to feel like you are holding anyone back or putting burdens on them they shouldn't have, but along with out learning how to survive well in the world is the fact that letting others help us, often helps them too.....in ways we might not see, and for reasons we may never entirely share. Good for you.
Ok.....it has been a long day. Left early to make the 144 mile round trip to the V.A. hosp. at Marion, Ill. Had to go to the ENT clinic so they could check my ears, and hearing aids and make sure all was fine. It is and I am. Stopped at Sams to get some things.....not close enough to a payday so I had to limit my list a bit.....but that is ok. I don't have tons of storage here.
Came home in the rain though...make it a bit of a longer trip but we go the back way....down a two-lane highway. They have been working on the Interstate for months and I just refuse to get into the start and stop kind of driving.
See you all in the morning. Of course, I may be packing for San Antonio..................I loved that place. Don't know if you still can or even if it is still there, but a bunch of us had a place where we could walk off the army post and right into Breckenridge Botanical Gardens. It was beautiful there. Someone always had a guitar and in those years everyone was very respectful of the great privilege it was to "visit" for the afternoon in a remote, beautiful area of the park. Was such a long time ago and a beautiful, comforting place.
Peace and love ( sounds like something from the hippie era of that time )
Jackie
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Thanks Sandra, we lived in BCS for 25 years, our minister at Peace Lutheran and I keep in touch he told me that it must have been really bad, because he knew that I was always dedicated to my work and family. Yes it does feel good not to have to put up with it. One of these days I will post my letter to HR for all to see. We had 14 inches of snow in the Davis Mountains this last January. It was beautiful. I grew up in Iowa so I know what cold and snow is all about. I also love SA, except for the traffic. Of course out here we are 100 miles from the nearest traffic light in Ft. Stockton. Have you ever been to Fort Davis?
Take Care
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Hi friends,
So glad to see new "faces" here...Flatlander...many of us (heck, all of us) know what it is like to feel fears and uncertainty. Hoping you are doing well with whatever this week brings your way....come back and say hi...Chevy will behave for a day here and there...
Sandra, you will heal in your own time and you WILL have a "normal" day some time soon...there are days now when I do not think much about BC. Glad you are here.Carole, I heard that passports could be held up...let's hope that you will be all set for your adventure. I have relatives in New Zealand and will probably never meet them...but I'll put it on my list.
Chevy, I waved to you last week end but you didn't wave back...I flew into Denver airport but then drove south to Ft. Garland to stay with my friends in their house in the aspens ... it was beautiful...and it snowed Friday PM. Then it was up in the 60s again...I love CO and it feels like home to me! We were "stalking" elk at dusk, listening to the bugling from the deck at night, and enjoying the sunshine. we took a road trip to Taos and I found a great mineral shop...then great mexican lunch.
All good......
PS Chevy, as we were landing, I saw you smurfing an egg!Mommarch, your road trip sounds wonderful. It is a part of the country I have not seen. Also on the list...
(been to San Antonio, hill country, and Laredo)Linda, I am sorry that you have had to go through so much...and that there are no laws to protect you. I don't know what to offer except that I'm glad you are here and hope you never feel alone. Cammi said it better than I could...hoping your heart and soul will find healing.
Well, I've got to get some sleep...being back to work is not the easiest after being away...but it is better than finding out that you've been put on furlough from a government job. I do hope that the government shutdown has not affected anyone in a serious way. i hope our country can regroup and be strong again.
Hugs all around...
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Just woke up for a pee break, and Joan don't get me started on the Oh let's close the government down thing.
See Chevy not only are u rude not waving back but u got caught from the eye in the sky. And the government calls me mentally unbalanced. Gee that amost makes me sound important like a politician or someone like that.
OK I'm going to try and go back to sleep.
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Morning gals!
Sandra, glad all of your symptoms, or at least most of them went away! No, I still have to wear my hearing aids, but that's fine. I know what you mean, about wanting to share how YOU feel, and how afraid YOU are, but your DH just has to let some of that roll off of him... He sees life from a different perspective. He can't let a lot of that get to him.
And yes this wax that is always in my ears is driving me nuts! I FINALLY went to have them "flushed-out"... This was after getting so much wax out of my ears with ear candles! But I thought having it professionally done, would be better! Nope! A little came out, but I went home, and KNEW there was still wax, because the inside of my ears "tickled" and I wasn't hearing "right" even with my hearing aids. So I put in 2 more candles in each ear...... and got out a LOT more.
I give up on "having it done." Doesn't work as well as the candles.
Cammi! So did YOU do all this government stuff? I can't even watch the Washington Zoo Panda Cam! YOU did it! Damn politicians! Right now I am blaming everybody...... like they even care! Just a bunch of fighting all over the place. Each party blames the other! And no-one will give an inch. Like a bunch of 6 year olds. I'm for NO parties! Just people that want to vote for the best person! Don't follow any party lines, or rules! Just vote your heart! For your country!
Okay, someone kicked my soapbox out from under me..... CAMMI! Let's you and I go to Washington, and give them all hell! We'll get this argument they are carrying on OVER with!.... Oh wait... you are on restrictions.... That FBI stuff....
Jackie, you have come so far, and gone through much more than any of us.... I am just proud to call you my friend, "friend!" I look up to you... (and because you are much taller than I am!)
I found this on the Internet this morning.... kind of puts it all into perspective....
"I was impatiently stopped at a traffic light. The light finally turned yellow and I instantly assumed the posture of an adrenalin-charged NASCAR racer, poised and anxious to accelerate, when an elderly woman stepped off of the curb and began her slow and deliberate step-by-step pilgrimage across the street. The light turned green and she had not yet even reached my car.
I waited.
I drew a deep, agitated breath while impulsively strumming my fingers on the steering wheel. I had places to go and people to see.
But, as she struggled to make her way across the street, lifting and lowering her metal walker before each halting step, something clutched at my heart. She was old; really old. Her hair was thin and white with isolated, wispy strands falling over her eyes and down her neck. Her face was ashen and deeply creased and her bony, thickly blue-veined hands trembled under her own weight as she leaned heavily on her walker.
Her body was shrunken and bowed over as she shuffled past the front of my car, delaying my start by, perhaps, a full fifteen seconds.
I drove away with her image burned in my mind, and unable to erase it. That woman had once been somebody's little girl, joyfully frolicking in fields of lavender. She had danced to the Charleston and to Swing, and was courted by handsome young men in Model T Fords and Buick Roadmasters. She'd been a young wife filled with hope, and a mother who rocked and nursed her babies during black-outs while listening intently to Franklin D. Roosevelt's Fireside Chats. She'd cooked and scrubbed without any of today's modern kitchen conveniences, during a time when there were no televisions or computers to occupy her children long enough to give her moments of quiet serenity.
She'd lived through wars, survived the depression, and experienced the loss of many loved ones. How could she have known what indignities lay in store for her -- that one day each of her crippling, calculated steps would cause traffic to be delayed, while hurried, mindless bodies honked impatiently en-route to some allegedly important business meeting, fun-filled luncheon or forbidden rendezvous?
Would she have conducted her life any differently had she thoroughly understood the inevitable cruelty of her future? Could she have averted this travesty of fairness if she'd done things differently? If she'd laughed more? Loved more? Prayed more?I looked deep into my soul and blinked rapidly to hold back tears. Was I sad for this pitiful stranger or was I actually sad for myself? I couldn't untangle my feelings. That woman could easily be me one day, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
I drove mindlessly, unable to lift the thick fog from my heart, when suddenly I had a change of perspective. Perhaps I was reflecting and interjecting my own fears.This old woman may not have been unhappy at all. Beneath her leathery camouflage may well have been the joyful heart and buoyant soul of a thoroughly fulfilled woman; a woman who celebrated life to the max, who embraced each day, reveled in every sunset, and loved from the depths of her being. Such a woman would be content in her golden years, confident and fully satisfied that she had thoroughly consumed the contents of her cherished gift of life.
I found this thought comforting. There would be no escaping the inevitable final act, but I drew tremendous solace from the knowledge that I live an incredibly rich and full life, surround myself with beloved family and friends, am always cognizant of the wonders each day brings, and have loved with great depth and passion.
Should the day come when I am forced to stop traffic as I cross the road with my walker, please do not feel sorry for me. My bones will be tired, my skin will no longer be taut and my body may be contorted, but my heart will be smiling broadly, for I will be deeply ensconced in the memories of my astounding life; a life void of regrets for what I should have done.
I will have done it all."
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Laughing out loud at the thought of Chevy and Cammi going to Washington to straighten out the politicians! Hey, I would contribute to the travel fund-raising!
The word I keep muttering out loud over the shutting down of the government is IRRESPONSIBLE.
Mommarch, I mentioned before that DH and I have been to Ft. Davis. We have rv fulltimer friends who were there recently. They know somebody who is SOMEBODY at the observatory and got a guided tour. We went to the observatory, too, but as ordinary interested citizens who didn't know anybody important.
I played golf yesterday, quite badly, and the temperature wasn't bad. But it was still muggy. I am SO looking forward to crisp fall air.
My mother's hair apptment is at 2:15 pm today. I'll hang around and help 8-yr-old Nova with her homework to give her mother a break.
Camille, what a funny idea for you and your sister to take turns going to the dr.!
Hi to everyone not mentioned. Hope we all have a blessed day.
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One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life
comes from being
happy over the good fortune of others.
Archibald
Rutledge0 -
There is so much I could say, but it is a work day............so for now I'll just say I dearly LOVED the story you included in your post Chevy. It is so true.....we would not appreciate the sun near so much if we never had any rain.
Peace and love
Jackie
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Been a long busy day. Went to Fort Stockon to Walmart and pickued up my medicene.
Well they had of course filled the Effoxer which I am getting off of. The clerk told me it was $126.00 and I said oh no, you have done the same thing as you did before. They called and got my prescip for Tamoxifen and it the total for 3 prescrip was $17.00, I am going to transfer it to the mail prescrip. We left the house at 8 and got home at 2:30. I fixed talipia for dinner with an english muffin and a salad, pretty good.
Take Care
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Appreciate again and again, freshly and naively,
the basic goods of life,
with awe,
pleasure, wonder and even ecstasy,
however stale these
experiences may have become to others.
- Abraham Maslow0 -
Cloudy day out here right now, but I don't mind. I know more and more leaves will be falling soon and our weather will be cold. For the most part....I do ok with all of the seasons. Must say this summer was and has been wonderful. The very extreme and early heat and humidity stayed away and we had what for us was nearly normal save the the amt. of rain.
Anyway was thinking about attitude and how big a place in has in life. It is what makes of earth a heaven or a hell. I have thought that for such a long, long time that I easily gave up any fear of an ACTUAL hell, though when I was young I suffered quite a bit over the idea that I'd surely end up there. For me it became true that this life and this earth is it. Not to go too deeply into it, but to me HELL became what is used to 'scare you into being good' and realizing early on the Creator who loves you would not punish you by using scare tactics to control you. Why be given free will ? Anyway............that is the point just about when attitude became a real driving force to me.
All to say that is what I so appreciated about Chevy's story.
mommarch....we had one of those long days on Wednesday. Went to Marion V.A. Hosp. to the ENT clinic. The Dr. rechecked my ears ( had my hearing aids fitted in May of this year ) and was given the option of having the ear with the hole operated on. I declined again. I don't get my ears wet much, nor do I have any drainage, only a slight amt. of wax even builds up. No point in ( my hearing aid for that ear compensates at a higher level ) fixing something that is not actually broke. I could not work for a short while if I did the operation and would still have to have hearing aids......I would only be able to reduce the amt. of compensation needed for me to hear well so it still doesn't make sense to me to bother.
Anyway......it is always mainly an all day trip. Round trip is about 143 miles and we go to Sams Club while there and usually get something to eat. Makes for a long day, but I was glad to get the evaluation done on my ears and fee confidence that I made the right choice about the operation. I will go back next yr. and have another hearing test session to see if my hearing is stable or changing in any way.
Hope you all have a great Friday.
Peace and love
Jackie
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