Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Hi everyone,I have been Missing in action for a day or two- I am just 10 days out on my bilat mx. so I have some really tired days. I have never been sick or had surgery and this is a personal learning curve. Had my drains (3) pulled on Wed. OUCH! - really sore Thursday and today- is that normal? I think it must be as I have checked for signs of infection-none to be seen so it must be from the drains.
Good news -saw my med Onc, NO CHEMO! GOD IS GOOD!
TG dinner here will be on nice dishes but in between formal and paper plates- leaves me lots of wiggle room and as long as the company and food are good we don't care. I do think that traditions are made in our home of origin and the manners we "force" on our kids are appreciated later...I wish I would be in Il. however as we used to go to my Aunts home for TG and drive up from St Louis, through the fields of beautiful black dirt- oh how I miss that sight.
GOLFERS- how soon after Bl mx did you try to play a round of golf? I think my scores should improve without boobs in the way.
Prayers for all of your suffering ( SE of meds, broken foot, etc.) and despair to be lifted- even if I am out of touch for a few days. It is nice to check in here and see that Life Goes on- thank-you for that!
I
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Love all the talk about how we all celebrate the holidays. Some of my favorite times with my aunts were doing up the dishes after a big holiday meal. At 13 or 14 years old it was the only time I was treated as an equal and they forgot I was there. I got to hear all the family gossip that was otherwise not suitable for my young ears
Many a dark family mystery was revealed over a sink full of dishes! Of course those were the days before dishwashers, at least appliance type. But times change.
Mandy,
A favorite modern Thanksgiving involved a restaurant meal. Several family members loaded up and drove to Atlanta to be with my stepson who could not come home. He had made reservations at an Italian restaurant. Bah humbug, I thought. Well, it was great fun and excellent food. We all felt like we were in an episode of The Sopranos! I would do it again in a heartbeat. Best pound cake I have ever tasted!
I am doing T'day this year. I just want to feel normal, capable, useful... you know. All the girls will help but I hope to do a lot in advance. The guys will do their part by eating a lot. Florida is gradually turning in to a northern state. It is getting harder and harder to find pickled peaches in the grocery stores. I tried doing my own but not as good as the commercial product. Does anyone have a recipe?
Pam
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What lovely traditions you all have. We don't keep Thanksgiving over here, Christmas is our main holiday.
I have had my 2 children over to me for the last 25 years, before that it was pack the kids up, and decamp to MIL's. She was the bestest cook ever, really. Just everything she did was top hole. She would have the table groaning with the most delicious food ever. Best china, everything matching, but it was only brought out at Christmas, such a shame as she had some lovely stuff. When she died it all went to the other DIL (there were two of us DIL's) I was peeved at the time, but have got over it !! I would have loved to have been passed on her lovely things, which would in turn have been passed to my DD, so would have stayed in the family.
I went out and started to collect my own good china, when MIL died, and I only get it out at Christmas myself, such a waste of money really. When I was first dx'd I gave away all my 'Christmas' china, tablecloths and decorations. I was convinced I'd never need them again!!
This year I really don't know what will happen. My son and daughter have fallen out, a very big fallout!! Neither wants to come to me for Christmas if the other is coming. I am NOT going to persuade either of them to have a change of heart, as I can see plates and vegetables flying across the roon, so bad was their fall out !!!!! I am caught up in 'he says' and 'she says'. I have this week refused to be drawn anymore into it, and won't talk to either of them about the other.
My son moved house, had a big summer/ housewarming/2 family birthday party. I couldn't go, as I hadn't time to get there, do the party, and get back in a day, he is too far away now. I cannot leave all my animals for much longer than 10/12 hours, if I really have to. DD got drunk, and caused an awful row in front of all my sons friends. Her children, my grandchildren, were running wild, drinking, breaking gates and fences, smashing tree branches down, just generally being little hooligans. DS asked DD to pull her kids up, and stop spoiling his party. He had about 100 people there, and this was going on infront of everyone. All other kids were behaving. The police and neighbours were involved, My DIL rang me up in the middle of it all in hysterics, though what she thought I could do from hundreds of miles away I don't know !
So, I really don't think they will be in the same room for some years...and I am certainly not putting myself up for my sitting room to be a battle ground for their re-enactment this Christmas !!!! So, it looks like to stay neutral, DH and I will book into a hotel for our Christmas dinner, which will suit me. I hate to cook. We both have to work Christmas Day, so to come in and get changed into decent clothes, and go out to a meal neither of us has had to cook will be heaven for me.
This w/end I have 3 families coming to see me to buy puppies from me. I have a litter ready to go right now. It is lovely to see the families with their new puppys, I always feel lost for a week after the puppies go, nothing to play with ! I spend too much time with my puppies, its hard to let them go sometimes. I have another litter due in 4 weeks, so that to look forwards to. Next week its disinfecting and painting where I keep the puppies. I used to be able to do this in a day, but it'll take me all week in dribs and drabs, creaking and groaning and complaining !! I do not like getting old !!
Right off for a shower and bed right now, good film on the tv, but I bet I will be asleep after the first 20 mins! Have a good w/end one and all.
Isabella.
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Isabella...I think you have a fabulous idea of going out...just you and hubby for a nice Christmas meal. Maybe you can pick a time to have each of your children come separately and cook some of their favorite foods and celebrate with them one at a time. Does sound as though they did have quite a time of it at the housewarming/birthday. Too bad really -- life is so short but then again we all "get" some personal standards and lines drawn for others, including family members not to go over.
I would come to your house for Xmas but I am way too far away. Most of those older than I are gone including my parents, sister, and most of my Aunts. I do remember all the fantastic smells and the loaded table......several different kinds of desserts. We'd eat early --- no later than 1p.m. and a lot of the food would come back out around 6 p.m. or so and we would make turkey sandwiches with potatoes and gravy on the side and maybe one other vegetable.....and almost always another piece of dessert. Lots of leftovers for the fridge and freezer and no matter when you took them out to eat them they never failed to evoke almost the very same feelings you had on that spexial day.
I miss this, but my kids don't live in Illinois and most of my family on my deceased mother's side don't do much now....most work, and I don't care for my hubby's family. On X-mas day we eat out or make something a bit festive but not too much of a production here at home and then we go out to a movie matinee. I enjoy that quite a bit.
As for the good china....well, I don't have any but am cleaning out and sending to auction as much as I can....so will use anything that I am left with whenever the mood strikes.
Melissa...glad to see you back. What a bonus not to have to do chemo. Someone hopefully will answer your question soon. I had a lumpectomy so no drains.
I'll see you of you later. Time to play MahJong.
Hugs, Jackie
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Melissa, I had to wait 2 months after BMX to play golf, but I had reconstruction at the same time, so that 2nd surgery prolonged the wait. I wouldn't be surprised if you're able to get out and play after a month. Certainly you'll be able to go out and do some practice chipping and putting. Good luck!
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Hi all, Jackie, it will be the second x-ray, the first was after 2 weeks to see if the bone was still in place and the one in Nov is to see if it is healed. I am so ready, it is a pain in the rear.
Wow Carol you you must be a fast healer and strong. You probably were in good shape before, you look in real good shape in your picture.
Isabella, so sorry you are having kid problems but it sounds so nice for you and hubby to get away at a motel on Christmas, just sounds romantic.
Pam, I have not had a good pickeled peach since my grandma died, but hers were heavenly but the recipe went with her. You could probably google it and get a recipe.
Wow, Melissa God is good, no chemo is great. You probably will be back to golf around a month or 2.
We use our best chinet paper plates and paper napkins for Thanksgiving and Christmas, no one likes to clean up.
My son takes him family to the Bahamas for Christmas, that has been their tradition
We usually go to my daughters since the grandkids are there, but this year it will be at my house and other friends are coming by this is Thanksgiving and then Christmas all the family is going skiing which I am scared of and will probably stick with snowtubing and riding the snowmobiles.
Hope all has a good weekend.
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Spar, please don't get on skis - you leg will finally be healed by then. No more broken bones!
Growing up my grandmother always cooked all meals for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Although she was German from Pennsylvania Dutch country, she made the best food ever. Most of it was not traditional Pennsylvania Dutch cooking which is good - I didn't eat that stuff -- sausage, spetzels, egg dishes. But she made a mean spaghetti sauce. The holidays were always filled with magical smells.
Isabella, I would far rather go to a restaurant - no cooking, no dishes, no fuss, no muss!
Everyone have a wonderful weekend.
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Isabella, a nice meal in a relaxing atmosphere may be perfect for you and hubby. Perhaps you can have desserts at home and invite your kids to stop by at different times. Hopefully they will realize that life is too short to hold such grudges. We are what the US calls a "nuclear" family--no relatives anywhere close to us. So we have traditionally had a nice breakfast that I make after the gifts are opened and then in the afternoon we go for the most elegant, sumptuous buffet that you can imagine....everyone is always happy afterwards.
Today is halloween and as a kid I had so much fun trick or treating that I always go all out and get much too much candy. When I was a kid you could bake cupcakes and make special packets for the kids to pick up but now everything is candy or pretzels in their sealed bags. But the kids still have alot of fun!!!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN ALL!!!!!!!!!
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Spar2, what's the story behind your avatar?
I was in good shape for my age when I was dx'ed in late June, and I began walking the 2nd week after surgery. At first short walks. My first round of golf, I didn't play the whole 18 holes. I got very tired. But gradually I'm building up my strength and stamina. Most important, my whole attitude has changed. I focus on the pure enjoyment of being outdoors whether on the golf course or just out walking a 3-mi. route in my neighborhood. I look at the wild flowers along our little street and the beautiful landscaping in people's yards in subdivisions I circle through. I don't get upset because my golf score isn't as good as it was prior to bc. Maybe it's the 75 mg of Effexor that makes the difference?!!
We don't do Halloween. The few children who live in neighboring houses go to parties at their churches. When we first moved here 19 yrs ago, I bought candy. No one came and we were stuck with all that sugar, which we didn't need to eat. So I quit buying the candy and don't turn on the porch lights if we're home. Tonight we're going to a movie and out to dinner with another couple.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!
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Carol, it sounds like you have it all together and getting pure joy from life and that is wonderful. We don't do halloween anymore either because the grandkids don't live in the same town and we live in the country so no one come. I did decorate and do the whole shebang when my kids were growing up though.
Kathleen, I promise no ski's, I have a feeling my leg will be healed but still not strong. But I can sit or lay down on a snow tube with a grandkid and just fly.
My avatar, it is kind of simple and kind of complicated. Green is my favorite color, and I use to wish going through this that people could see the world through my eyes and in my eyes is the world and I love the world. Does this make any sense to you?
Northstar, how are you doing?
Hope everyone has a good day.
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WOW, Spar I am so glad Carole asked about your "green-eye" the explanation is lovely, sensible and a grand wish! IT WOULD BE SO NICE IF OTHERS COULD SEE THIS THROUGH YOUR EYES!
Carole- I was walking 1 mile the third day after surgery but have learned that If I over do it I pay for it- so I will keep going with you in mind and work up to 3 miles.Also, my husband just got notice that he will be laid off FEB 14 ---I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER! The thing is we want to leave Las Vegas for Missouri in May 2010 anyway and this gives hime 10 weeks pay while working on the house we bought back east! LOL YEAH!
I made a decision yesterday and want to share it with you; prior to my bmx i worked full-time as a nurse in Infection Control and part-time in the Pediatric ER, in addition I am the chairperson of SNICNV.org -go to the website if you like,and worked with another nonprofit for free healtcare
for kids - I am not returning to the ER - My chair-ship ends in March and I am concentrating on my recovery- SNIC is really run by the Executive Director Pam anyway so it is lots of phone time , one meeting a month and current big activities County wide to get flu shots out to others- which I am missing out on anyway- It is "TIME FOR ME TO SMELL THE ROSES!"
We turned off the light on the porch a few years ago when the KIDS started being bigger than ME-- really I love the little kids costumes but the big kids were just plain scary and I don't know about you but I have had enough scary stuff this month!
LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!
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Spar --- which after your avatar explanation must mean SparkleToo......I love the MAXINE. She is a little bit of several characters that have wafted through my life.....and still are. I love her.
Jackie
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Hi Melissa,
Looks like this year has some good packed in to it for you after all. Congrats on making the decision to concentrate on your health. Your job, like all jobs, was probably stressful and if you can relax and smell the roses it has got to be good for you.
I bought a bag of candy, just in case, but we never have trick or treaters anymore. I htink parents are hesitant to let children go door to door these days. Glad the churches and malls sponsor events.
Maxine says it all! Been there - felt that way. Very cute, Spar. We need all the smiles we can get.
Happy Halloween everyone.
Pam
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ISABELLA!
I am disappointed. I thought all English were restrained and unemotional in the face of calamity. Have I been watching too many british sit-coms on PBS? You mean American families are not the only ones with difficult and unruly children, even when they are so-called adults! You know, I hope, I am kidding? Seems like we never outgrow sibling rivalry and all the emotions that go with it. You sound like you are able to stay out of the war and maintain a good relationship individually... what more can you do? Enjoy a special day of being catered to for a change!
Pam
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Happy Halloween everyone!0 -
THE TRUTH HURTS - HAPPY HALLOWEEN -
TRICK NO TREAT
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Now that is scary!
Pam
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Rita, Pam, Jackie and anyone else I missed - thanks for your comments. I have a Benadryl IV and other stuff with the Zometa - so far the best we have done is to infuse it over 4 1/2 HOURS!..So with the bloood draw and the doctor visit and the getting set up, that is usually a 6 hour visit. However we are forging the way to help other women and men - 1% they tell me, who have bad SEs to Zometa and flare ups of same throughout the month. I will ask about the Claritin - it may work better than the Benadryl. If the Benadryl and other mitigating meds are run in at normal speed I get a Paradoxical Reaction - my tongue swells and lips and go numb and swell this makes me very anxious and so then my chest tightens, aargh!!! My body just HATES most drugs - so slow and sneaky is the way to get them in.
I am Uk living in US, Thanksgiving is kinda weird for me - my husbands family buy all the best food, get together and worry about who is ar the "right" table. it seemed so strange to me - they are not very sympathetic to anyone not born to them - that I began to volunteer for a local charity, cleaning the kitchens after the cooks had cooked for thousands of people, instead of attending.
At home we had Harvest Festival, in early September - we took the best that we had grown or made or bought to the church (or our school) and then had a thankful service - then our contributions were taken to the poor. So different. I go home every year, but do not know absolutely if the churches still do it as I am not there during that time. I will have to ask.
Great to go out and see the fall leaves - great to go out anyway - being stuck in the house when I am weak is the pits. So I laugh - after all "Seven days without laughter - makes one weak;-)".. It is my practise, laughing as an exercise, to lift my mood and more - and works for me. However going out is GREAT when you have been stir crazy.
Linda
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Linda, we still do harvest festival. I am not religious, but this was the only time I used to go into a church (apart from weddings, christenings and funerals!) We, being farmers, were always asked for sheaves of corn, sacks of potatoes, and assorted vegs. The harvest hymns I used to love and got pretty well word perfect over the years. We were usually called on to take the same sort of stuff to the local schools as well. One year they had an outside service and DH took a tractor ! I also used to take infant class kids round the animals, but had to stop because of stupid rules and regulations.
Pam, I think all our kiddos are out of control now, but here it seems to be the older teens and young twenty somethings who cause the most trouble. My 2 are 43 and 41 !! My DD has always been a handful. MIL used to nickname her 'Maverick' because she was so off the wall ! I look around and see people of my age with children who have decent jobs, and who behave themselves, then I look at my DD. I love her to bits, but she smokes and swears like a trooper, wears what can only be described as 'rags' some days, is more hippy looking than a hippy, and has her hair 3 shades of bright red, with a big dollop of blonde at one side. To her credit I have never heard her bad language, but DH said it would make my hair curl if she spoke to me as she speaks to everyone else !! She has a very good job as a social worker, looking after underage mothers and babies, mainly those with a drug habit....but... her own 3 children run riot. One has a years driving ban running at the moment, the 2nd has a 'community order' which means he has to give up 8 hours a week to street cleaning etc, for his misdemeanors, and the 3rd one is just about to be slung out of school, at 13. (as the first 2 were before him) All 3 just do as they please, and come and go as they please. The 13 yr old comes in at 2am quite regularly,and no-one knows where the hell he is, nor what he's doing, and worst of all, he is never stopped. I have just got so I keep my head down, nothing would suprise me. I have got beyond upset about the way they are being brought up. I can't control this, and, thank the lord, they don't live in my area !!! so no-one knows they are my G/kids.
When these kids come here they are such lovely kids, 'yes please' and 'no thankyou' and will do anything for me, in fact one of them works for me for his Saturday job, has done for 6 years now....yet there he is cleaning the streets for being so badly behaved.
My sons children are very well behaved, one is doing exceptionally well at school, have proper bedtimes, proper mealtimes (where my DDs kids don't) and are never, well, so far, in trouble. They don't swear and run riot, nor smoke, as their cousins do. In fact I wonder how my children can actually be brother and sister !! Well, it takes alsorts to make a world.
Anyone had Carpal Tunnel surgery ? DH had his 11 days ago, was told to not go outside and work...but, did he listen, no, of course not ! He has been leaving the hard lifting work to some help we have had for a few days, but he is convinced that when the bandages come off next Tuesday his hand will have 'split open' As usual .....if men had to have babies ......!! I am trying to convince him the itching and sharp pains he keeps getting is the surgery 'knitting', and hope I am right. I remind him he will only have a 2" cut when his bandages come off, I had a 13" and a 14" cut when my bandages came off. That shuts him up for a while.
Bedtime again, I love my bed, can't wait to get there on a night, and never want to leave it on a morning !
Isabella.
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Dear Linda,
With those side effects, I hope Zometa is doing wonders for you! The swelling would be terribly frightening and a sure sign your body does not like it at all! I am sorry you are having to go through this but you are blazing a trail for the rest of us. Thank you.
Unfortunately holidays can be difficult for the family celebrating them. I love Thanksgiving... just lots of food and family that you don't get to see every day. No gifts, etc. Not too much decorating. Casual dress and a walk on the beach after dinner. And you don't have to feel guilty if you don't go to church.
Is turkey served much in England? It seems so American to me. And cranberries? Pumpkin pie? Gosh, I can't wait!
pam
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isabella,
It is amazing how different two children of the same parents can turn out. My son is blond and blue eyed, my daughter is brown and brown. People used to ask them if they were dating. Oh yuck my son would say
My grands are young, 8-6-4 so no trouble yet. I have my fingers crossed. I bet yours all turn out just fine. Just have to test the limits. My daughter and 4 yr old are coming to visit in a few days. Only get to see them 3 or 4 X year but talk on the phone all the time and Skype on the computer. GS is very computer-wise and takes it for granted that we can see each other and chat. Same way with his other GPs in Denmark. It;s a new world. Still will be good to give a real hug, not a virtual one!
Happy Halloween All... no trick or treaters
Pam
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Hi there, we had DD round for drink and cakes before her and husband went out to dinner while we looked after GD. It was DD2's birthday so for years we had parties at Halloween. Had some little visitors and children from next door came over for a treat. DD1 sent some larger boys who knocked on the door away as they were not even dressed up. The next thing we have is Guy Fawkes next weekend, only problem here is that it is quite late before it gets dark enough to light fireworks.
We of course do not have Thanksgiving because that is a US celebration of being thankful for surviving those first years in the new colony. We have Waitangi Day which is now thanfully becoming a day of celebration of our countries beginnings. Until recently it was often a day of huge protests but I think at last we are becoming a little more mature. It is becoming a family day.
DH and I are out at an historic house in the community he grew up in - it is open to the public. Afternoon has been mad so I must go.
Alyson
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Linda - boy, can I relate to being housebound - not anything to do with breast cancer. It has more to do with the diabetes - I am supposed to stay off my foot witih the diabetic ulcer. I never thought I would want to take a long walk but I sure do now!
I love the idea of getting fresh vegetables right out of a garden.
Isabella - my brother didn't know how NOT to be in trouble. Somehow he grew into a wonderful, caring and loving father. He married a young woman who had a child by a previous relationship. He adopted the little girl and then they had two more daughters. The child he adopted was in trouble early on but has straightened her life out. The other two daughters grew up to be loving, caring, intelligent young women. They are kind and giving - I credit that all to my brother! He also has a young son by a relationship he had after his wife decided he wasn't home enough (because he was working to give her things!) and divorced him. For a while, almost his entire paycheck went to child support. He never complained and never missed a payment. So there is hope!
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And finally (at least for this morning)
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Good morning Maxine and Kathleen. I think many of us struggle with the personalities and habits of our kids. My first was difficult from nearly the first moment on.....allergic to milk and did not thrive or do well on supplemental formulas - mainly soy formulas. Once that cleared somewhat he was diagnosed as hyperactive -- medications, residential schools, as we went the whole gamut. In later years diagnosed bi-polar. He is 37 and has had substance abuse problems off and on all through.....yet he is charming and somewhat of a computer whiz, loving and spends hours on hobbies that he enjoys. His sister two years younger was pretty much a complete opposite.....no problems like her brother. She didn't scream through babyhood as he did, but whimpered. Especially if you tried to burp her after a bottle. She did not need it or want it. Walked at 7 months, talked at 12 along with potty training herself -- with the potty chair I had in front of the t.v. for her nearlyl 3 yr. old brother who was refusing to acknowledge its existence.Don't know why -- many times I blamed myself but we are entrusted with these wonderful children, and it is what it is. I have learned many things from my son and I love him dearly but he came with challenges and I could not get a refund....so had to keep him and do the best I could. He still has challenges and probably always will. When he is in the down side ( sometimes I know and sometimes I don't as he remained in California, as did his sister ) all I can do is let him know I love him and stand by until he works out of it. I have made it clear it is up to him -- that he has a personal contract with God to take the life he was given and do the best he can with it.
I do not worry much with his sister. She had a couple of incidents in her younger years ( she is now 35 ) but otherwise is a very stable responsible adult raising two wonderful grandsons and she and her hubby do a marvelous job....consistency and being in total accord sure go the distance.
It is wonderful ( if cool ) outside here today. Nice bright sun. Hope you all have it and no rain. I'll be back later.
Hugs, Jackie
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Sorry to be mundane, but Halloween was a real disappointment. It poured rain and we had zero trick or treaters. So I'll be sending the ton of candy to hubby's office tomorrow or I will end up wider than I am tall. I hope next year will be better...I am the eternal child on Halloween.
Many people are late bloomers and some are later bloomers. My hubby has a cousin who was a depressed guy....didn't act up but also did not do much with his life.....including holding a job. His parents were worried about the possibility of him hurting himself but he was an adult so they could not interfere other than to let him know they were there. When in his late 40s, he found a partner, a lovely woman to whom he is now married. He holds a job, they have a lovely home and he holds big family parties every couple of years.
Anyway, I hope that you all have a nice day.
Mandy
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Hi all,
When I was young and knew everything I thought children were 99% environment and 1% genetic.
Now I think conventional wisdom is that they are 99% genetic and 1% environment.
I like the latter concept. You can take credit for the successes (good genes you passed along) but don't have to blame yourself for the failures (must be from their father's side of the family)
My babies are 39 and 41... do we ever stop worrying about them? I guess not, my mom fussed over me til she passed when I was 52.
Pam
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Hi Everyone,
I saw my onc on Friday after my first 2 months on Arimidex. I gained 5 lbs! I can't say it was all the drug but come on I didn't eat 5lbs worth. I guess there are more complications to this drug than just sore joints. She suggested I exercise more so it's back to the eliptical. I had lost 10 lbs when I was first diagnosed mostly out of fear but I would rather diet than be scared skinny.
Any suggestions on losing weight while on Arimidex? My 59th birthday is Wed. but I guess I won't be eating cake!
Roseann
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Roseann: Have a piece of cake on Wednesday and celebrate your birthday. Nothing magical will happen if you give up your birthday party/dinner.
After that try to eat more veggies and fruits. But that is what they always say. My doctor put me on an almost vegan diet (I can eat fish and have an occasional egg). I don't particularly enjoy the foods I am allowed since I was a big cheese eater so I am starting to lose some of the 30 pounds that I put on during chemo.
But happy birthdya Roseann a bit early.
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