MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Bobbisil--if you are planning on a bilateral mastectomy in the future, please reconsider the lumpectomy/radiation route now. I wound up having a mastectomy due to complications from rads, and the rads made the mastectomy more complicated and made the recon more complicated. If you are planning on a mastectomy in the future, please do not take the risk of radiation. Skip the lumpectomy, have the mastectomy. It's your choice, not the doc's.
Granted, radiation is a piece of cake for most women, but there is a risk of complications and if you happen to run into any of them, like I did, it will add at least a year to your overall treatment plan AND affect your recon options. Why risk lung and heart damage from rads if you are going to have the mastectomy? The rads make the lumpectomy stats equal the mastectomy stats for local recurrence.
That being said, please be aware that I am very much opposed to radiation after my horrible experience. So I am biased against rads. So give my opinion as much or as little consideration as you think appropriate.
My sincere apologies if I offended anyone.
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Welcome Bobbisil and any other newbies that I may have missed. This is a great place to come for support, no matter whether it's a rant, a celebration or you are just needing some confirmation that you are definitely not alone.
Native - IMO it is important to go in with as much info as possible, including the good, the bad and the ugly. I was so naive when I started out. Being here and hearing of everyone's experiences has helped me to know what to expect.
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Hello to all - had to share this one with you. My oldest son, 36, greeted me at the hosp. last night, with my three wonderful grandchildren, following my port installation. We all hugged and laughed as he drove me home. I usually just get out of his van and go in my house. However, last night he turned the van off, told the kids to stay put for a minute and walked me to my door. I thanked him for the ride and we had our normal good-bye hug - this time, though, he would not let go. He held me in his arms and cried on my shoulder. He just kept saying, "I love you mom, I love you..." My heart just broke for him...
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Sherry - What a son to be proud of!
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Question- What date you you all use for your cancerversary? When you first found out, that bad mammogram, biopsy day, etc....
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I use the day the biopsy results came back. That was 3 months after finding the lump and getting the bad mammogram report and a month before the first surgery. It's an arbitrary choice for me. because that is the date that sticks in my memory.
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Dianarose, That question comes up time and again on this thread. Short answer: Just pick one, your choice. I use my surgery date in July, because I like to *think* that's the day I got rid of the cancer. If my cancer comes back, that date will be pretty meaningless. A lot use the Dx date, and some use the date of last active treatment. No right or wrong on this.
Native, I'm not taking offense, but I would not say rads is a "piece of cake" for most women. While you had a particularly hard time with rads, I have to say even the women who do not get heart/lung damage (??%) or severe skin burn (~33%) or LE mitigated by rads (??%) still have troubles with fatigue, esophageal burns, cording, and the list goes on. I got off "easy" with rads, but I have that micro scarring/tightening in the frontal rads area, which I suspect it is the culprit for my "wraparound" mid-back and neck pain. I'm not a fan of rads either, but can we call it a "piece of mud pie" because it is way nastier than cake?
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Reality, your post about your son broke MY heart. I burst into tears.
I "celebrate" my cancerversary twice Apr 2 '09 diagnosis; May 8 lumpectomy;
It Nov 3 & I have tons of Holiday Bazaar's to attend today. Bittersweet, I usually went with my DD & my mom. DD has to work & well, Mom's in heaven, so I'm going by myself. I'm sure I'll run into people I know tho.
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Diana, I count from the bad MRI, but my doc counts from the BMX, because that is when I was officially rid of the cancer, or so we hope anyway.
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Sherry, that made me cry...I don't even know if my kids even remember that I had cancer!! Your recurrence has surely been an eye-opener for your kids...
I use the day that cancer and my name were put in the same sentence as my anniversary date.
Joni, I'm glad you're going to the bazaars anyway. Would be too easy to just say forget it.
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Thanks so much, Luvmygoats. I truly am proud of him and love him more than I can ever express.
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barbe - I bet your kids do remember, barbe and I bet they are so very thankful to have you in their lives. I am!
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I agree with native on the rads issue. I did lump and rads with lots if damage. Ended up having a BMX and they made me wait one year post rads befor I could move forward. I had 3 PS opinions all said the same thing. I know many have rads with no problems but many have long lasting problems. Good to have all your info going into this
Sherry what a sweet caring son you have
Diana I use the date my cancer was removed0 -
I think I am going to go with the BMX date. The day I got rid of the beasts. Also all the other dates are pretty much a blur now. Chemo brain is so real for me. I am hoping I will be able to sleep again once all the poison has left my system. I have had 3 ocular migraines in the past month and I know it is from lack of sleep.
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Getting your B/C diagnosis is like the day a hurricane makes landfall, and it takes a long time to rebuild after that and get to your "new normal," which is never quite the same as before the B/C storm hit.
That's my analogy for today.
Bobbisil, Good Luck with the pros and cons on choosing a surgery. The ladies here are so right that you don't want to make a short term decision that will compromise your long term goal.
Reality, What a loving gesture from your son AND good role-modelling for the grandkids too!
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Reality your post really touched me. My oldest son is also 36. He will likely be here for Thanksgiving. I haven't seen him in almost three years! Be thankful your son is near you. We are in an extreme economic depression so for us, travel is simply not possible. I can't wait to hug my son! Being so far away I think this was hard for him to deal with. Your son sounds wonderful, you are truly blessed.
I know radiation is tough, and a hard decision to make. I burned pretty badly and that was miserable for a few weeks until I finally healed. I have no clue what kind of shape my lungs and heart are in. Hopefully nothing serious. I think I would know by now.
Eph I am sorry you have to make these trips alone. I was not fortunate to live near my mom. My first husband was a geologist and we moved a lot. I left the city my parents lived in when I was 19, never went back. We only got to see one another about once a year or so. I cherished her visits. I lost her to lung cancer almost 13 years ago. I can't believe she has been gone so long. My heart goes out to you. All of the 'first' milestones are so difficult. The raw pain does get easier but you never stop missing your mom. Hugs to you!
I am with Barbe on the date. I was told I had breast cancer on July st. So for me, that is my date.
Eli I like your analogy. It sure is true!
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Answering as I read ... Barbe - storm proofing - cutting the branches back and down so less sway in the wind. If a tree is old and water-logged, nothing will save it but for healthy trees, keeping them from being too top heavy and growing out too far goes a longggg way! And the bay didn't save us, but we have several hundred feet of wetlands and reeds between the back of the campground and where the bay actually starts. That area absorbed most of the water from the bay that "surged" during the storm, so what made it into the campground wasn't catastrophic.
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Sherry, what a moment you will always remember. Definitely a tear jerker read for me
Native...you shared important information - no way should anyone be offended by that. Like barsco said, everyone needs to know the good the bad and the ugly. I for one always seem to learn something from your posts and enjoy them immensely.
Diana - for me I use the date I got my results because it's the one I remember most clearly. I had my surgery within two weeks, so small time frame between dx and getting my cancer out. I saw my chemo and radiation as backup protection, I believe in my heart that my surgery rid me of cancer.
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Joni, big hugs to you hon. I hope the day worked out for you. Those "firsts" suck. My mom died in 1989 and I swear, I can still remember that whole year of firsts after she died.
Diana, I suffered from ocular migraines for years. They thought it hormonal - started with first pregnancy, then eased for a while (meaning only a few a year) then beefed up when I was pre-men and hormones were raging - had several a month during that time period - then a lot during stress of the whole cancer year. Luckily, I can now state that I've had maybe a total of 10 in the last 7 yrs - and those have been nowhere near as severe as they used to be. So hang in there - hope sleep comes to you one way or another - and I hope you follow my same path that once you're through this, they almost go away. Hugs sweetie.
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Does anyone have any suggestions on how to manage hot flashes? I was handling them ok during chemopause but since ovary removal last week, they have really gotten bad, especially at night. I really hate this crap. I am 43 yo. Any help would be appreciated.
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Hi JRyan, something that I use for hot flushes is evening primrose oil capsules three times a day. I checked with my pharmacist and they are safe to use with Tamoxifen. I still get the occasional one every now and then but it has helped immensely. Hope this helps as they can really get you down at times, Cath
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I survived. It was touch & go at one bazaar when a vendor asked "where Mom & Rachel" are; I got it out & she came around & gave me a big ole hug & I lost it right there, but was able to hide in her hug for an extra minute to get it together. Mind you this is a woman I see once a year, but we've been buying from her for years. So, anyway, that "1st" is done...the rest of them should be easier---it says here!
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Reality - What a touching moment with your son. I am so glad he was able to express his emotions and love like that. (Gave me goose bumps imagining it.) I have 2 sons, 25 and 20.
I had bilat cancer and lumpectomies last spring and when I met with radiation oncologist, who was very honest about potential SE's, i decided no way with so much area being radiated. Breast cancer was bad enough. So decision made for BMX and I haven't looked back!
JRyan - I take 75 mg of Effexor, take Tamoxifen.... and very few hot flashes. I did have bilat ooph in '08 though, but suffered from hot flashes all over again, as they took me off Estriadol when I was diagnosed last Mar. I also use what's called a Chillow Pillow at night when I have a hot flash. You can find online.
Nausea seems to be escalating and I started Tamoxifen on 10/13 ???? Not sure if that is normal. It's tolerable though. I had Annie (3 HR old GD) for 2 days and boy am I tired! My poor Mom is still struggling with lightheadedness, so I was busy helping her and my brother all last week. Cardiologist says she's been in a-fib since 30th, but said meds can be more damaging. Also, turns out her autonomic nervous system is not regulating
BP on standing causing orthostatic hypotension. It's a worry. It's been hard on her since my Father passed 7 months ago. Does it ever sink in when a parent dies? We feel such a loss still. Easier to some extent.... but sure miss having him around.
Hope everyone else is doing well. Thanks for listening. Gnite.0 -
Dear justmejanis - Thank you for your response to my post about my son. I am so glad you will be seeing your son soon. I know how very fortunate I am to have mine near by. He only lives 10 mins. from my home. I am having dinner at his house tonight and will spend the night - we are planning to have a "jammie party" with my grandchildren and grand-dog (Titus - a four-year-old big baby English bulldog, who loves to sleep with me!)
My younger son, 32, lives in CO. We email or text every day. I am not dishonest with him about my BC, but I do not share all the details with him as it is so hard on him being so far from NYS. He visited this past summer, but I will not see him until next summer as he is in college and our family funds are also quite limited.
Best wishes to you for a great holiday with family - You will be in my thoughts.
Sherry
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Thanks, also, to all who were touched by my post about my son - Hugs to all!
Janis - ...forgot to mention - did not really forget, just avoiding topic...My youngest child, my daughter, 31, has not remained as close to me during BC as my sons have. She has been living with me this year, but plans to move 10 mins. away next week. We both know that it is time for her to move. We love each other dearly, but I believe she just cannot handle seeing me with BC every day (bald, sunken eyes, etc...) I try my best to always be upbeat around her, but she sees through me. For example, I had my port put in this past Fri. - let's face it, I am in pain - I do not, however, tell her that, but she knows. It's almost as those she is angry at me for having BC. I just do not know - she has always been my most challenging child....She works hard as a CNA at a local nursing home - she is compassionate and caring all day - I believe she just cannot handle is at home, too.
Thanks for listening and caring,
Sherry
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For me it was the day I was DXed Never forget it.I felt like I had been run over by a Mack Truck.Even worse I was alone with no one to turn to that day.
But that was 4 years ago and I am going on strong and so far NED
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Sherry, it seems unfornuate timing with your daughter moving out. Will that leave you all alone???
JRyan, my trick for night flashes is lying on a bath sheet (towel) over my pillow and down my whole body length and naked if you can handle it. NO sheets with polyester in them!!! Most of them DO have man-made fibres so be careful. The towel is the best as it soaks up any sweat before you realize that you are soaked! I also only use a top sheet to cover myself and keep my feet exposed.
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I am using my BMX date, as that is when they told me I was officially 'in remission'. I was DX on 12/27/2012 and I had a BMX on 1/4/2012.
NativeMainer has a good point for her date.
It depends on how you look at it and what you want your date to be a symbol of. I'm choosing my date to be a symbol of having cancer out of my body and having a joyous reason to celebrate.
It will be nice to enjoy this Christmas. Last Christmas we were waiting on biopsy results, which took longer due to the holidays. My biopsy was on 12/22/11 and results on 12/27/11. I call it "Christmas Interrupted". We are calling this Christmas "A Do-Over". LOL
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Beckers - are you thinking your nausea is from the Tamoxifen? I'd talk to onco to see if that's expected. Not sure I'd heard of that particular side effect from Tamox. I'd hope they could give you something to combat that too. If they do think it's from the tamox, maybe you could take half a pill in AM and the other half in PM, I've heard of others doing that.
Reality - I hope things work out with your daughter and for your daughter. Maybe she'll actually have a better perspective if she's removed from the day-to-day living with you and wind up helping more. Hugs.
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Waht an awesome fall photo E! Love it. Great representation of my favorite time of year.
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