MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Oh, I love trivia! Now I know a few more obscure facts, haha. You never know when they will come in handy.
The robbery is starting to affect both of us more and more. Last night my son started talking about not going to school today, he said he felt safe at home. I've been so stressed about it that I'm worn out. He said walking around on campus today, he would overhear conversations and they just sounded like noise. And a girl asked him about it and he said his voice started shaking. He has to go look at surveillance video on Sunday. I told my ex I didn't want our son to get all caught up in this, and he said, "Yeah, but you don't want someone running around with a gun either." This has been such a nightmare. I told my son he was going to talk to a counselor about it and I said I think I need to, too. I feel the fear of it in the pit of my stomach like it just happened to me.
One thing for sure is that I'm going with him to look at the surveillance tapes. He can't find something sitting right in front of him! I can at least point out men I see in black hoodies.
maryah930 - I was barely post-menopausal and I chose Tamoxifen because the AI side effects seem worse to me. I guess we have to choose our demons - they both have side effects that nobody wants but Tamoxifen hasn't been a problem for me. My MO is talking about putting me on an AI after my 5 years of Tamoxifen are up. How I wish I didn't even have to consider it but yes, the fear of recurrence/mets keeps me conforming.
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Thank you all for your input. After looking at all of the facts and discussing my concerns we chose to go with Femara. Like my onc said, there are other options if this doesn't work and it's not like we're stuck once we choose which one to go with.
Emotionally, I also felt better when I picked up the prescription. I know it doesn't make sense, but I think this month off of not having any appointments, tests, or medications to take threw me off balance. I felt like my safety net was taken away.
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Wow hns! We fight so hard to cling to an itsy bitsy sense of security and in a nana second its taken from us, big hugs to you and your family, you will get through this just....pile it up and keep yakking as it lessens the impact, but forever the memory! Thinking of you kid!
As long as the onc has more options the longer you get to live. Xoxoxoxo0 -
Elimar....
What a great attitude you have, and thank you so much for all the great pics!! Am starting to research cruise lines, destinations, etc. Decided to take the kiddies first time out (I've promised them for so many years...now is the time, and the heck with the money I say) so thank you all for the information/experiences. Actually, they're not kiddies, they're kinda almost all grown men, but this will make it easier for them to disappear for a bit on the cruise ship....just for a little while anyway.
I have finally, so it seems for now, snapped out of my pity party. I am incredibly tired though, as I did take Ambien ER last night, and I think ER part is still working. Lying on the couch, and could EASILY fall to sleep, were it not for my 14 yo who keeps coming down the steps and the 3 dogs who keep sticking their cold snouts in my face because they want breakfast.....NOW!!
So, went to onc last night. Ready for my Tamoxiflen (Whatever, still cannot spell it). The nurse hands me the Medline paper for Perceta/Tax/and something else I forget....papers in purse and I'm not getting up. Apparently, after consulting with his cronies, and some of the top cancer docs in the country (thankfully, my onc doesn't have an ego that prohibits him from reaching out, and picking his buddies' brains). I am getting chemo starting Friday. After everything I read that Stage IV doesn't typically warrant it, I am. I was tickled pink (yea, lame). Who'd of thunk I'd be so happy to hear "we're waiting for insurance approval, but you should be starting chemo Friday after your port is flushed". I guess I feel it to be more aggressive, and that it will lessen my chances of having the cancer continue to spread. Could I be wrong? Uh-huh...but I am ready to get really sick in order to get a little better...not cured, just a little better. I have a lot of crap left to do, and this really threw a wrench into my plans. Also didn't go through the torture of having the port put it for nothing either.....so happy about that part too.
So. That said, I am lucky to have the sweetest oncologist I could have asked for, who is thinking and trying his best to help me! Told me last night "don't start giving your stuff away just yet". His attitude is good. My husband loves him too! It's not time to give up....time to fight it. Told me I am sorry you are Stage IV, but happy I am sitting here now talking about it as oppopsed to five years ago....so much has changed.
There is hope. Hope for what, I am not sure just yet. While I realize they only started chemo because of the fact that my cancer is so aggressive, that's ok. Wanna see some results, and I am more than ready deal with what's coming. Let's see what I type after the chemo starts, and I feel like death!! I'm not being naive....I know it's not going to be fun!
To all of you wonderful ladies, have as good a day as you can. It's funny, I don't know how to say certain things, as I find people saying the DUMBEST stuff to me, and I wanna shake 'em....and say "Uh, no...it's not going to be alright"....but thanks for that. Readiing here helps, very much, in terms of inspiration, chuckles, knowledge, and to make that feeling that you're totally alone in this....go away. Sadly, I am not.
Lynn
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Jlynn, Although having an aggressive cancer is a big negative, it is usually the agressive type that is affected most by chemo, and that is a positive. I am an "optimistic realist." I read and find out about the range of outcomes, but then I go and think well, why can't *I* be in the top 5% that gets the very best response? Someone has to fall into that group, so why not me? In the case of Stage IV ladies, a certain number to get to the point of NED (no evidence of disease) and who's to say that you won'tbe one of them? IT IS WORTH DOING THE TREATMENT just to find out, isn't it?
Speaking of treatments, I found out a little more about my surgery. Remember that I made a fuss about my lumpectomy, that my blood vessels got clamped off with about 7 titanium clips that are now mine to keep forever? Well, in my upcoming surgery, my franken-colon will be held together by any number (and folks, we will be having a betting pool about this, closer to the 12th) of titanium staples, and those will be mine to keep as well. That's weird and I don't like it, but my reading tells me that the staples (rather than regular suturing) cuts down on blood loss, infection and leakage (eeew!) and it is now standard for the procedure. I have to keep reminding myself that having a machine breathe for me for four hours and having a surgeon maneuver a robot scissorhands dangerously close to some main arteries is way more stress-worthy than a few little staples left behind, but that just creeps me out that stuff gets left behind in my body. It will make for more picturesque xrays in the future, that's for sure.
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Eli, I am with you. Somehow I take a lot of the big stuff in stride, only to get totally freaked by the details. I wouldn't like the idea of staples left behind in my belly, but it does sound as if it the best way to go.
That reminds me of my grandma. When she was in her 70s she got knocked down by a car running a red light. She was badly injured - lost a piece of her liver and got a big screw put in her knee. A few days later a perky young doctor came to check on her, held her foot and asked her to push as hard as she could. She hurled the whippersnapper straight out of the door and into the hallway. She felt bad about it, but, as she pointed out, he DID ask.
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E...
Will respond more later, but one question to you, or to anyone. Your comment re the aggressive cancer responding better to treatment. Someone, forget who or where, said that very same thing to me yesterday. When it was said then, I told my husband. He said "Hmmph". This time, I repeated it again (that you'd said it), and he said what I was thinking.....so my question to you is this (or to anyone else who knows the answer):
Why?
Lynn
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Jlynn - I am by no means any kind of expert on chemo. But as I understand it more aggressive cancers have higher cell turnover rates and chemo by its very nature targets cells with high turnover rates. One reason GI tract (from beginning to end) and hair are so easily affected by chemo along with bone marrow.
Eli - I think anyone with recent surgery prob. has staples. Wikipedia (now admittedly not the most reliable source) says widely used in bowel and lung surgeries. Good discussion of its use there but be forewarned there are pictures. I googled "staples used in surgery". I wonder if at some point the body breaks them down.
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HNS, I cannot even let my brain go there withregard to that happening to one of my kids. My heart goes out to you and your son. I hope you both gain something from meeting with a counsellor. I'll keep you both in my prayers.
Jlynn, I think a good relationship with our oncologists is huge. I'm so glad you have that
I'm right there with Eli in thinking "why shouldn't you benefit from chemo?" This room has some powerful karma behind it, and we'll all be in your pockets on treatment days doing our part to keep the creepy side effects from taking over.Maryah, I remember very well the time gap between when radiation ended and Tamoxifen began - I hated it! I truly felt naked, exposed and scared that I wasn't doing anything. I welcomed picking up that prescription and taking that pill every day. By the time five years were up, during which I changed over to Aromasin after 3.5 yrs on the Tamox, I had graduated to feeling that I had done all I possibly could both to rid my body of cancer and try to prevent it coming back in the future. It was kind of weird to stop it, but not panic. That was over a year ago, almost two years actually, and I'm okay with just trying to eat sensibly, move a little more (I hate the word exercise), and try to keep stress to a minimum. Good luck with the Femera.
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Lynn, because aggressive cancer cells proliferate more quickly, and chemo attacks the proliferating cells.
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Because cells that are in the active growth phase are far more susceptible to damage and disruption and aggressive tumours and cancers are active more of the time so therefore more susceptible to chemo etc - it is why chemo is timed the way it is also....to get maximum impact at optimum growth time
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Jlynn, This is my very basic explanation...many of the cancer drugs are cytotoxins (cell poisons) and they harm all cells in the body, but the most uptake goes on in the cells during their growth phase so, more cell growth, more poison going in. Aggressive cancers would have some of the most rapidly growing cells, and they will get the most poison. Other cells that grow rapidly, like lining of the mouth and your g.i. tract or hair follicle cells also get a good dose of the poison and this is why your taste buds and tummy commonly get S/Es and why losing hair is common. When you find out the chemo drug(s) your doc has planned, you can Google and find out the exact way yours will work. Some other chemos target cancer cells because of certain features of their growth, or based on what substance causes the cancer to grow. You never did fill in your diagnosis, so I'm not sure if that would apply in your case.
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Jlynn - glad that you are happy with what your onc has prescribed for you and that you are ready for it. Hoping that tx kicks the crap outta the cancer for you, but treats you with gentleness. Let us know when tx day is and we will all hop in your pockets to be with you.
Eli - my dad has a lot of titanium in his back and we keep teasing him that if he doesn't behave, we're going to trade him in piece by piece. Titanium is going for a good price these days. lol
Went tobogganing again today - when am I gonna learn that I am too old for that sort of thing. The jacuzzi tub might get a good workout again tonight. (less bubbles this time though - lol)
I am going for scans on Monday if anyone is interested in a PP. Hoping that the tamo is still doing it's thing!
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Barsco - Wishing you the bestest results from your scan on Monday and in your pocket. Who's bringing the Cheetos?
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barsco1963- I will be at you PP. On Monday I am making 91 pies for a fundraiser for a man who has sinus cancer. I will make an extra one and bring it along. What kind would you like?? I am also making some carmel corn so I will bring that too. I hope someone brings cocktails....
I hope your scans go fine!!!
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Yes, don't forget the Cheetos!! I am partial to the crunchy ones. And pie too! Dianarose - I am ok with pretty much any kind of pie so whatever you have extra of would be fine. Do you have a specialty? However, pls save me some snacks as I can't eat for four hours before scans - if you see me reaching in for a snack, someone needs to slap my fingers!
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barsco- I am making blueberry and blueberry crumb, key lime, choc cream, banana cream and lemon meringue.
What kind of scan are you having? I hope it's early so you can eat before lunch time. I hate that ones that you can't even have a cup of coffee. I am cranky until I have my coffee.
Eli- If that is your long hair in the photo I really have hair envy.
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Mmmmmm...blueberry pies. Antioxidents never tasted so good. The Cheetos are a given.
barsco, What scan is it gonna be this time? If PET, hope you don't get the PET hangover that HnS76 got.
D-rose, That's no wig, and what's more that is my natural color. Oh, there is some grey if you know where it is hiding, but one of my key genetic traits is that my family does not go grey early. Makes up for some of the other ones!!! At age 80, less than half of my mom's hair was grey. I'm letting my hair grow long again because I am planning to do a second donation to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths. It's not really as nice as the last hair I gave them because Tamox. made it finer with more breakage. I need about one more inch of it til I can donate and leave enough on me for a decent bob or something. Wish I could get it chopped before my surgery, and have less of it to care for but I've come this far so will keep it on til I get a bit more length. Thanks for having hair envy of my locks.
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Ok. I will get out my labs, and fill in the EXACT diagnosis, counts, etc. But here's what I can tell you off the top of my head. I have a 4cm mass left breast, nodes under arm affected, nodes in chest wall affected (both biopsied/confirmed....actually, all biopsied...I've had 3 total, and a helluva time getting that rotten port put in by a radiologist straight from the depths of HELL, oh and I had the PET and a Mumma (sp? heart's ok, all of my bloodwork is beautiful....go figure). Also a supsicious area T11 spine, so I am Stage IV. The onc wanted to try Tamoxiflen (sp, I am unsure). I wasn't too happy with this. Pathetically, having just been given the Stage IV dx, in my head I said "sure, you just don't wanna waste the chemo meds on me". That was Monday. He met with his "cancer friends", and my breast surgeon (also wonderful, but not needed right now). Said they had my pathology slides up on the wall and all, and the room was split re the cocktail of chemo, but that indeed I should have it. Not the other drug...which was just a pill...an estrogen blocker I guess, to keep the cancer from spreading. I truly WANTED chemo, sadly, because I will get sick, bald etc. if it means living longer. It might not, but I am sure going to give it a whirl. Anyway, I have the paper here and he is giving me (I believe on Friday, after a port flush) Pertuzumab plus trastuzumab plus docetaxel. That's my combo.
Your answer was pretty good!! Sometimes, it takes someone who speaks our language to make things more understandable. He (my onc) explains it and says "do you understand", and I say "uh-huh". and in my head I'm thinking "no, but I will go home and look it all up".
If you had told me before I got diagnosed that being on a board here and venting and asking questions would help, I'd of laughed...and been quite wrong too! It helps....A LOT....to know you're not alone in all of this.
Thank you for explaining.
What's up with the Cheetos? I ate a bag today, the crunchy ones, before I read about 'em here, and told my husband they were good for cancer. I am going to eat anything and everything I feel like it til Friday!!!
Barsco...thank you. I have to tell you that hearing that from him changed my attitude quite a bit!! I just wasn't happy with taking a pill, seemed like there was more to do. Do I want chemo? Well, yes and no...the no being the obvious...because first that I need it at all, but then the side effects. Give me a good excuse to lie and around a day or so and boss the house around!! Also wasn't happy to have a port that was just for decorative purposes either!! I will be thinking of you, and I hope your test goes well for you!!
Mar....you're not too far from me. Maybe one day we can meet up for lunch!! Luv, Mom and Lily....I'm getting the picture now, so thank you. It seems to help when someone who doesn't speak ONCOLOGIST explains it, though he does try with his pics and diagrams. I guess the problem is as soon as he says "CANCER", I hear nothing more. My husband picks it all up. However, this last night, soon as he said chemo, I was all ears.
Warm wishes, and thanks to all!
Lynn
Oh, and whoever said the thing re El's hair....What a head of hair is right. I've got nice hair, but not like you do!! It's beautiful!
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Eli - I must admit that is not how I pictured you. Expected something like Barsco's or my short bob now. Mine is total white. Went grey in my early 30s but covered it for oh like 25 years. Finally roots grew so fast I was having it colored every 3 weeks. Had enough, highlighted it and let it grow out. I don't fight my hair. Fix it once/twice a week for something special. Otherwise it is wash and however it falls I'm happy with. Love the page topper crocuses in the snow.
OHHH - Dianarose, If I need a scan or anything in the future I would like a chocolate cream pie with I bet homemade crust. In fact I may have to look it up and make one but prob. not the crust. But have all the makings for a pumpkin coconut bread pudding (1/2 recipe only for DH and I). Will let you know how it turns out.
Lynn - In your pocket for Friday. Have you read the thread on things to do b4 chemo? I think it is long but it certainly gives you things to take you mind off it and things you might not have otherwise thought of.
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barsco - Tobaganning sounds fun and in our heads we're never too old, right? A nice long soak in the jacuzzi should fix everything. Well, that and some Ben Gay and a pain pill, haha. Count me in for the pocket party! Is Kahlua and coffee okay with you guys? I'm freezing and wondering where my hot flashes have gone now that I need them. Hope it's not a PET scan - that PET hangover was a doozy!
Marlegal - every now and then, my eyes well up with tears when I think about what could have happened. Then I stop that train of thought as fast as I can and quickly say a prayer. I can't wait until the intensity of this dies down.
Dianarose - you must be a wonderful cook! Hope the fundraiser is a smash!
Elimar - hair envy here for sure. My hair used to look just like that before chemo. Now it's long again, but with a distinct wave I have to work with. I got it cut the other day and I like it a lot more. When it's straight, it looks like a long shag and when I use rollers, it's a mess of curls. So now I have two options. Before chemo, no amount of "product" would make it hold a curl. I also cannot get out of a hair salon without buying more "product". I have "product" I need to throw away!
Lynn - lots of people's hair grows back in the same way it left. Mine just happened to come in curly and with time, the curl relaxed and it's really easy to style now. My favorite part when it grew back in was the cute pixie cut and I almost kept it. Good point from Luv to check out the chemo thread - I probably packed enough stuff to last me a week each time but I was never bored or hungry, haha. We'll be in your pockets Friday. Since alcohol probably isn't a good idea, how about some of my crockpot hot chocolate? I'll make it lactose-free, Mar!
valjean - I just remembered you asked about "Flight" with Denzel Washington. We ended up watching a different movie that night, but tonight we're absolutely going to watch Denzel! The other movie we watched was something I'd never heard of - "Seven Psychopaths" - but it was so funny. I was tempted both by the good-looking Mark Wahlberg and the hilarious Christopher Walken.
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Momine-wonderful story about your Gram!
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Flight. I watched. Right after bc dx. Within a few moments, the actress in it (I don't wanna say too much here) mentions her mother had passed of bc.
I didn't watch too much of it after that!! Was a little dark. I wasn't in the mood for it.
Just my thoughts.....
I will indeed check out the link of the what to do's before chemo. Funny, heart, my onc said he had a woman same thing. Had straight hair, and it came in curly after it started growing back! At first....like you.
Have a jacuzzi on deck. Sitting. Empty. I keep begging my husband to fill it...he tells me the second I have to get out of it in the cold air, I won't go back in. He COULD be right. I don't do cold well...but the idea of a hot soak sure sounds good to me right about now!!
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Barsco, why the scans? I'll be there with my trademark cinnamon buns, and this time I'll remember to bring the napkins
Coffee or tea?Jlynn, I'd love to schedule a lunch...I've met many women from the boards and from chat (there is a live chat room which is active at night more than days, and fri/sat/sun nights most of all if you're interested. I go there a lot) I love meeting new people and sharing our experiences. One other suggestion - get a notebook of some kind and write down any questions for your docs. During your visit(s), make sure to ask those questions, and take notes on any answers they give, or anything else they talk about. If they go too fast, tell them to slow down - this is your life we're talking about. My onc got to the point where even during a normal visit, if I didn't have the book out, she'd say "Do you want to get out your book first?"
Momine, loved the gram story
HNS, thanks for the lactose free hot choc...you are a true friend!
JLynn, another note about the hair loss thing with chemo - just in case it happens we don't want you to be shocked - you may well lose the hair inside your nose, which we all found out is what keeps sniffles from running down our face! Get some extra tissues to carry around with you
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Eli- your hair is beautiful. I can't wait until I can tie mine back or do something with it. It is growing back at all kinds of weirds textures and lenghts, but it's hair and it is getting thicker. I have plenty of grey hairs. I've earned them all.
I am almost 2 months pfc and I now have nose sores. I had a few mouth sores while on chemo but this is a pain in the ass. They really hurt. My nose ran the whole time on chemo and now that it has stopped I have the sores. Has anyone else ever had this. Is it a side effect from a side effect. Leave it to me.
Luvmygoats- that bread pudding sounds great. I get bored making the same things so I will have to try that combo. I made a Choc-moca pudding cake the other day. Bad move. I ate just about the whole thing with a ton of french vanilla ice cream. So much for the 3 pounds I lost.
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Dianarose - I haven't had a good keylime pie in a long while. Jlynn the cheetos seem to be the favorite food of the middies. Mar - definitely coffee with cinnamon buns and I may even take a bit of that kahlua that hns is bringing.
Eli - I must chime in that your locKs are luxurious. I had my locks donated one year also. Used to have long hair and am trying to grow it long again so that perhaps I can do another also
Jlynn - I was the opposite in the beginning being terrified of chemo. It was to be the tx before liver mets were found. The saying "Be careful what you wish for" runs through my mind a lot. Once I was dx stage IV the chemo was out and tamo was in. Funny how although our tx are different, we are both comfortable with the decision
Scans are the regular 3 month CT to take a peek at those pesky liver mets to make sure they are behaving. I am not sure if we have PET in Canada. Have never had one. Good thing - I don't like hangovers much. One reason I don't drink.0 -
D-rose, I have a question for you. Since you did the one same chemo I did (fluorouracil,) did you notice getting random skin hives? I got them during and for about a month after chemo, mostly popping up on my legs but a few on torso, arms or neck. Looked a little spotty when I wore shorts on the cruise, but the sun and salt water seemed to do them good and I haven't had any new ones this week.
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We pretty much love all of the 'verboten' snacks foods here, but for all you Newbies, I will take a walk down memory lane and explain those Cheetos. Way back (in 2009) when it was my rads time, there was a study that came out that said drinking 3-4 oz. of red wine daily during rads treatment would have benefits to prevent skin breakdown. Well, I don't nornally drink wine, but I got a bottle or two for the "medicinal purposes" and being low-brow like I am, I paired my wine with some crunchy Cheetos. It was then revealed that just about everyone on the thread at that time also loved the Cheetos (and what's not to love?) so they became the official snack of the thread. Ta-da! Elementary, my dear Middies!
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jlynn, I say fire up that hot tub. I was out in CO a while ago and they have hot tubs at all the hotels usually on the roof. It was so cool to be in a hot tub with the steam rising and the snow falling and then all the laughing and screaming when you run back inside with just your towel. I can't remember where you live, but if I had one I would be in it all the time.
barsco will be with u for the pp, I can bring strawberries, they were on sale 2 for 1, should I dip them in chocolate?
My eyes are not seeing real clearly so sorry for any typos.
fun times here coughing attack and hot flash at once. what I won't do for a little fun!
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Eli, why is that uh, man? or creature? holding his crotch? lol
Diana, not sure I've heard of hte nose sores before. We all know the drip, but hope the sores are temporary and low maintenance pain wise hon.
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