MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
-
Marle, because you are a dirty girl and make him shy.
I must confess here that I have never had a cheeto. The color scares me.
0 -
You ladies are hilarious! I was wondering where all the talk about Cheetos originated. I love them too!
Barsco - every time I see your Avatar I think of my niece. You two look so much alike.
0 -
Eli - I have a friend that often talks about her pairing of wine with cheetos. Too funny!
macatacmv - You have all the fun! Hope the coughing/hotflashes are temporary for you. And chocolate (like cheetos) is always welcome!
JoyE - they say we all have a twin somewhere. I have never found mine till now - which I still really haven't found her but now know she is out there - lol. I did find my sisters one day - a woman walked into my place of work and I really had to do a double/triple take as I was sure it WAS my sister, but couldn't process why she would be there. Very weird.
0 -
Well. Last night I received a phone call at about 9ish from my brother. He is 42. What I have had to deal with physically since birth....he has in his mind, he is "damaged goods", no doubt. He is perfectly healthy, but weak-minded. Always feeling sorry for himself. A self admitted alchoholic, pot smoking, pill popping wreck.
So. He calls last night...bombed. It started off ok. Then he starts. "I wish I could take the cancer from you....you've had it harder than me....blah blah blah". I was, no doubt, finally snapping out of my funk til he called. Then, he kept saying, at least ten times..."What are you going to do with your kids?". Well, I'm going to get up in the am and drive the 18 year old to work at 8 because his car was junked last week....but other than that, I don't know what the hell you're talking about?. I told my son, the 18 yo, re this conversation on the way to Ihop (he eats more than he works while there I'm sure). He said, "Mom, next time he calls, don't answer the phone". He got angry. I don't blame him. I handled his drunken, repeat the same story over and over and over, crap....for about 1.5 hours. He sounded bad. Like he was praying to go to sleep and not wake up. Now, since I am actively fighting for the exact opposite, I find myself annoyed at him. You're healthy, yet you choose to engage in this self-destructive, self-pitying, self-loathing behavior? Really?
I think next time, if he calls after say 6pm, I won't answer the phone. I don't need to have to make HIM feel better that I have cancer. Forget that. I told him he needs to go to AA, and quit whining. I don't understand his problem, I really don't. Our parents aren't going to make the cover of "Good Parenting 101", no doubt, but that doesn't give him an all-access pass to Pitydome. Not in my opinion anyway. We all have our crosses to bear...he doesn't seem to be handling them....never did. I don't know what to say to him, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but I have cancer....he drinks too much. I don't know. Save it, and please don't call me bombed ever again!! I know alchoholics are diseased too, I understand that...but I was just diagnosed Monday, and he's calling me drunk that HE can't handle it? Really? Mind you, we've been close.....never....because he has chosen to alienate himself from the family. Someone told him re my dx, and he called out of nowhere. Yikes!!
I have to go to Kohls today. My Kohls cash expires (yes, tragically). I find myself not being able to stay "out" anywhere very long, before I want to run back home and sit on my couch. It is getting better....I am feeling more optimism as I read more, and stay off the general search engines. I feel like everyone is looking at me differently, though I look the same. Weird huh? But I am going to use that Kohls cash come hell or high water!
So, raising my coffee to all of you, may your day be blessed with love today...and lots of moments where you can forget why you're here reading my rant....just for a while.
Lynn
0 -
Lynn - totally agree with you, tell your brother that you only want to hear from him AFTER he is in AA and addressing his addictive behaviour and do the tough love on him - he is a parasite at the moment and you have enough to deal with.........I had a friend who has abused his body for years, NEVER been ill yet I think he is a functioning alcoholic, he tells himself he is fine as he can have a day without drinking - I no longer bother with him or go anywhere with him as he always end up getting ridiculously drunk, even at someone´s funeral he was so paralytic he had to be taken home incapable and it was only a neighbour not even a friend - he takes any excuse to drink to excess so I get where youa re coming from - hold firm, I get sooo mad at people who abuse their health and are fine whereas I looked after myself and get bloody cancer
0 -
Jlynn, Although it is true that your cancer will undoubtedly affect others, it is not right for anyone to make YOUR cancer about them. At least not when they are talking to you. I agree with the tough love plan...tell your brother you love him, but that he is NEVER to call you again when he has been drinking, that you'll hang up on him and then make sure you do. However, try and be pleasant when he is sober, to reinforce the soberness. I'm guessing this is a baby brother...well, he needs to grow up.
D-rose, Now that you mention it, I did have nose sores for about a week. I didn't lose nose hair, but it became extremely dry in there. It was the beginning of Winter, so all the dry air. I bought some saline nasal spray and also used coconut oil or vaseline or aquaphor to keep it less dry. I was better after a week.
Mar, In that picture of Chester, the Cheetah, I thought he was holding on to his "pimp cane" but I have to say I got a BOS (big ole smile) reading Momine's answer to you.
Momine, Your Sunday morning confession of never having a Cheeto is shocking, but I know you can't help it being out of U.S. I don't know if they still have these in Greece but, when I was over there years ago, there was a kind of puffed corn snack that looked like a Cheeto, but was hazelnut flavored. Mmmm. So, if you have ever had those and loved them, then you will be off the hook and we will know that you are doing the best you can in the land of no Cheetos. (You do know that Chester is the Cheetos mascot, right?)
0 -
Crud. Just typed my face off, and lost it!
Anyway E....yes, he is younger. 42. I am 46. Always been tougher than he, though life has undoubtedly handed me more lemons. He is good looking, healthy, (well, except for being an alchoholic...you know what I mean...he COULD be healthy), yet his glass is always not half empty....flat out bone dry. I have always thought he needed help, but he doesn't....and you know how that works. I told my aunt this am re the conversation, and she agreed. Don't take his calls when he is drunk. You don't need that right now.
Lily...went out for a brief dinner last night (seems like I can only handle being out of the house for short periods of time lately...I find self panicking....like I want to go back home NOW...did anyone else feel that way, or am I just a fruitloop?). Anyway, there were several young people outside smoking their faces off, and I wanted to walk over, show 'em the port, and say you want this for lung cancer in 20 years? I know there are plenty of people who DO NOT smoke and wind up falling victim to lung cancer, but geez.....having been diagnosed with bc really makes you resent health, and those who abuse it! Funny how your perspective changes, huh?
0 -
Jlynn, You have the makings of a true cancer vigilante. I never thought of shoving my port in someones face as a deterent to known cancer causing behavior. (As unsightly as my port is, it could be quite effective!) Recently, I was disturbed to find out my younger boy had "tried" smoking for a few months. He had witnessed his own grandmother die from her L/C and yet he still wanted to give smoking a whirl. It made me cry that he could be such an idiot. Thankfully, he came to his senses (before he even made this confession to me.) It really does amaze me that in this day and age that the youth are still lighting up, with all the knowledge we have about the harm tobacco causes. That being said, we really can only be responsible for our own choices, no matter how terrible it is to see someone on the path of destruction.
0 -
Welcome to all teh newcomers, so sorry that you had to find us but we are a good group and will help where needed either attitude, freinship or treatment concerns.
Welcome back El,hope you had a great time, we really enjoyed out trip to Kauai. I am having picture posting issues so here is a link. We did a lot of walking, and just enjoyed being by the ocean. By our standards the weather was fine, but by Kauai standards it was cooler than usual and very windy. The winds made the rip tides quite dangereous so did not get as much snorkling in as I wanted but had fun. Tried my hand at propelling down a waterfall, not a good idea, made me sore for a few days but learned more about myself and I did Accomplish it!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/carollynn79/sets/72157632861695026/ link to some of my pictures
0 -
El...
My grandmother died from emphysema (sp, IDK). She was young, 66. She smoked Vantage, I remember. I don't even know if they still make 'em anymore. She died tough. It's not an easy way to go, no doubt. You don't close your eyes and drift peaceably "somewhere else". You gasp for your every breath, and it's not pretty. I will never forget it. I don't think my brother smokes cigs, but I do know he's lighting up on the other. Either way, I did think of calling him to make sure he's ok, but I can't. I told my aunt maybe she wants to. I, with the help of my own inner strength, my husband, my doggies, you and the others on this thread, am trying my damndest to snap out of it. I don't need his crap right now.
What I do need is a shower. Also, another question, I went to biopsy (endo) a week ago. The doctor overheard me complaining that the port area was still sore to a nurse. It was put in like....two weeks ago? I think I blocked it out completely on purpose so I'm not sure....maybe 3 weeks, but that's the max!! Anyway, the area is sore. Is that normal? I don't like touching it because it gives me the willies. He told me "It shouldn't be sore anymore". Uh yes it is. Do you have one to compare notes with me? Also, going to use it for the first time next week. I have the Emla. Does it work? I didn't have any plastic like Saran Wrap when I went for the endo (I didn't know they wouldn't use the port....said too much contamination risk), so I cut a plastic Target bag and stuck it under my bra strap. What do I care? Not looking to impress ANYone at this point. I am sure I looked quite the idiot...but the area was numb so I could care less. So....does it numb enough to keep the needle they use from hurting like heck? Is there anything I should do or know before I go, in terms of the port? I have been reading on the chemo threads, def some good points....but posting my rhetoric here only....lucky ducks ;}
I've gotta get off the couch. My husband is the king of stupid movies. Is now watching a movie called Joe Dirt. Totally totally ridiculous. Never heard of it...and I think I'm learning fast why. I am not in the mood for one of his totally mindless movies.....so a hot shower and a trip out the door. Also, need a coffee. Gotta havva Wawa!! My fav. Onc told me to enjoy now because come Friday, the smell of it wil make you sick!
P.S. If my husband and son weren't with me last night, I guarantee 100% I would have done what I was thinking.....but for fear of embarrassing them to death, I chose not to. I am very outgoing and very friendly and not too shy at all, so it woulda been no big deal to me. Besides, I was treated to a blast of nasty secondhand smoke as I came out, so....courtesy warrants smoking MUCH further from the entrance/exit....and I think the law does too now!!
To the showers! I am getting hair cut short on Tuesday, and being treated (by the ACS) to a wig. Oh, happy day!! Actually, sick of messing with my hair anyway, so a hair cut may be in order, and I don't wanna deal with watching it fall off in huge clumps anyway. I don't have the courage to shave my head ladies... I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
0 -
I have done that too and even now can get out somewhere and then need to rush back home - it sucks, BC seems to rule everything - was told about a book called Dancing in Limbo for people trying to live after treatment so hoping that helps me so if you are a fruit loop i am too
0 -
Eli,
No, have not had those either, and although I do not live in the US now, I did live there for a good 15 years or so. We did not have junk food as kids, and I never developed a taste for it as an adult. There are a few things I like, corn chips, for example, but I have some maybe once every 2-3 years.Lynn, There is absolutely NO reason you should put up with that from your brother. I am like you, btw, ever since cancer I can't deal with seriously self-destructive behavior. It makes me very upset and downright cranky.
0 -
Momine....I'm not. Promised self this am. He's got a choice. I don't. So be it. If his choice is total self-destruction.....I cannot deal with it right now. Now, if I find out my boys are smoking....you will all hear my wrath from wherever corners of the Earth you happen to be!!
I have taken my onc's words very seriously. He told me NOT to touch the liquid glue over my port incision areas, no matter how tempting. That said, I have a very unbecoming "dirt hickey" on my neck. Getting rather obvious. While a very clean woman, I am scared to touch it. Tried rubbing a little soap on it, and letting the water run over the area, but it seems to have become one with my skin.
Any takers?
yuck.
0 -
I am a bullshit free zone now and self destructive behaviour gets me mad so am with you 100%
0 -
I type very fast, so this "stuff" I am posting isn't as big a deal as you think in terms of time taking. Out of shower, and putting on some make-up.
Got to thinking of something. The other night, Friday, I was racing from the onc's office to my son's wrestling match. I was driving. Husband in passenger seat, although sometimes I'd like to stuff his "suggestive" self in the trunk. Anyway, he says...you know the speed limit is 35 here? I said, I don't care. He said, whatcha gonna do if you get pulled over? I said, break down in tears, tell the cop I have cancer, show him my port if I have to, (ya know...flash em a little)...and plead that the ticket could cost me 100's I could use on anti-depressants instead. He said, you wouldn't. I said....Ok. Believe that I am more "decent" than that.
Girls, I would. I used to use my looks to get out of tix. Now, going to use cancer. HA! Disclaimer....*I swear I am a good, decent person with a smile for everyone. I love animals, and old people, and help everyone I can. That makes me somewhat decent, so gonna forgive self for the "no tix officer...I have cancer....how COULD YOU????"
Isn't life funny sometimes. I guess it's how we evolve that counts. I do still have some sense of humour, because ya gotta I think or you'll go crazy in the wee hours of the am when you're thinking to yourself that you have an advantage over everyone else....they don't know how they're going to die...I now pretty much do, unless I get hit by a truck or some other unlikely event. So, I'm thinking I've an advantage. Gotta take what I can get!
Still working on that Kohl's trip. He just told me he'd be ready in 15 mins. That makes one of ya.
Ut-oh. I hear him coming.
0 -
carollynn79, Looks fabulous out on Kauai. Love those classic sunset shots, and your seal buddy. Thanks for sharing!
Momine, I will never forgive your parents for depriving you of the orange-y goodness of the Cheetos; however, your nutritional eating could earn you the annual Middie Clean Living award (provided we ever get around to having a sensible award like that.)
Jlynn, Are you on the thin side? I am not sure if that makes any difference, but I am thin and my port protrudes and is quite noticeable. It was sore for a good two weeks, only becoming ignorable after about a month. I think if it can nestle into some body tissue, it may get comfortable faster. Now you may have heard of numbing creams that they can use before your port stick (and you might like to get one) but when I found out it was yet another prescription to buy, I decided to suck it up and just take the stick head on. Well, yow, the first couple times it did cause about 3 seconds of pain; then I got a nurse who actually was good at the insertion of the needle and it didn't even hurt for a split second. After that, I told the next nurses to do it the painless way. They liked to say, "Well, it might hurt just a little." "Not if you do it the right way," was my sassy, yet true, reply.
0 -
LOL, my mom was a complete food nazi. She even confiscated the chocolate our grandma brought us for Christmas. My daughter thinks I was a food nazi too, but I was totally laid back compared to my own mom.
I had to laugh though when one year, as we were in the airport about to go back to NY, my mother took my then 2yo kid to the store. They were in there a while, and then the kid came out, triumphantly wielding a giant thing of smarties with a Donald Duck figure on the lid (we were not really allowed cartoons and comics either, except for French ones). Amazing how the grandkids completely addle grandma's value system.
Thing is, all that clean living did not save me from the stupid cancer, so what good can it really be?
0 -
Momine, You might also qualify for the Randomness of Cancer Award, but the competition is very steep for that one, as so many of us had very few risk factors to begin with. Your mom is SO cutting edge...wasn't there a new report out that the pink Smarties fight heart disease and the purple have anti-Cancer properties? No? What are the scientists waiting for???
0 -
El, yes, I am on the thin side, and yes, it does stick out, and yes, she did stick in right where my bra strap falls...smack on top of it, even though she clearly said she was going to "avoid bra line areas, so one less thing for you to think about". I do have the Emla cream, cuz I'm a big big needle baby....high five to you for taking it like you did. I begged for cream!! I'm tough with pain, very. Bad with needles.....very bad!
0 -
Yeah, mine is RIGHT under the bra strap. I have to loosen the strap so that it barely is supporting otherwise it rubs. However, it is in the perfect spot to be hiddent when I wear a tank top in summer.
0 -
Eli - love the crocuses....can't wait for spring!
0 -
Eli- I was itchy during chemo as well. Mostly my neck and feet. It drove me crazy. It would come and go. I thought it was nerves doing it.
With all the talk about ports I am glad I didn't have to have one. They used the same vein each time and it held up.
Well my 13 yr has put together the 91 pie boxes and I have all the ingredients. Will start tomorrow with this project. My kitchen looks like a pie factory right now. I have never met the man the money is being raised for, but I did talk to my brother tonight and he said the man, Brad, has a brain tumor located behind his sinuses and is not operable. When he finishes his chemo is has to have radiation, but the center is too far to travel so he has to stay in a hotel. This is what we are raising the money for. I have really great brothers who helped me the past yr so it is nice to give back.
Well it's almost time for Once Upon A Time. I love this show. Does anyone else watch it?
0 -
Dianarose - that is a lot of giving back. Kudos to you for taking on such a project. 91 pies is amazing. How long will it take you to finish them all. Are you baking them as well? What a delicious fundraising idea!
0 -
barsco- yes, I am baking them as well. A lot of them are one crust pies so that will help. I am going to start preparing the fillings tomorrow, bake on Tuesday and pipe the ones that have whipped cream on Wednesday when I get home from work.
0 -
Dianarose - phew. I am tired just thinking about all that baking. I almost feel guilty asking for a keylime pie for todays scan. Notice I said "almost" lol.
No coffee, no breakie, nothing for the belly before scan today. That's ok - always go for lunch with a sister or two, a cousin and an aunt on scan days! And all of the cheetos, pies, cinnamon rolls, strawberries and coffee/kahlua will surely keep me satiated till lunch time.
Hoping everyone has a great Monday!
0 -
barsco, how 'bout we kick off your pocket party with this...who doesn't love line drawings in their coffee?
0 -
Eli, thing is my mom was actually pretty cutting edge where food was concerned. She is too old to have been a hippy. By the time the hippies rolled around, she was already a suburban housewife with a couple of kids. But she went out of her way to find organic food, for example, long before it was a "thing." We often got meat from friends who had eco-farms. Now she is seriously into the locavore thing and baking her own sourdough rye bread. She and my dad also traveled a lot, and her mom was a very serious cook, so we ate a lot of things that were not common in Denmark in the 60s and 70s. My childhood was all kinds of messed up, but I have to say that we ate well and learned to cook well. It has definitely stayed with all of us.
0 -
Momine, Yes, but can you make drawings in coffee? (Harhar!) Seriously, because most of our eating habits are learned behavior, a conscientous mom or dad can really make a difference in the quality of our eating for life.
I noticed you also had fouorouracil (5-FU,) did you ever get itchy hives from it? Like several singular ones, not a whole patch. I had it during and for a month after my continuous, low dose 5-FU.
0 -
I was a conscientous mom. My kids took courtesy bites of everything I cooked. As a result I have kids who'll eat just about anything and all will happily eat their vegies! I appreciate what I did when I see my son's girlfriend's children eat. My son doesn't understand why they won't eat things or cry when it is put on their plates. Neither do I.
Now, as far as the coffee drawings...I think I'll leave that to the experts.
0 -
I must have read the same page in the mom manual, Meece. I didn't call them courtesy bites, but even if I knew they "hated" a certain veggie, a teaspoonful went on their plates and they had to get it in somehow. They say a kid has to eat somethings five times to develop a taste for it. Did mine like the Brussels sprouts right away? Heck no. One used to try hiding them in his milk, but now they are a favorite of his.
0
