MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Deborah - although I don't need your product (now, anyway), I think you are fabulous! I will send your info to everyone I know who could benefit or who has a loved one who could - unfortunately that number is too damn high. Thank you
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Hello BookLady1,
Thank you for spreading the word. Too many times unless a product is developed for the masses (no pun intended), it doesn't make it to market. Too small a niche, not broad enough- blah, blah, blah. In the mean time, those populations could be benefitting.
I truly hope mel147 checks it out. I still wear mine today. My husband and I get a lot of laughs out of it. I write a private message on the ribbon, attach it to the lace strip and flash him my re-constructed foob. It's made us closer. I write funny things like "I just love your BBQ" and flash my foob during dinner to compliment his fantastic cooking. Kids are grown and out of house so it's relaxed. He loves it! Naturally, when I was undergoing treatment and all the lousy SE's from AI's (my onc took me off of them because I now have glaucoma, osteo problems- etc.) my ribbon messages were for myself, too. "My private badge of courage" for days when I needed that one, for him: "Not ready yet", "Under construction", and then eventually "Welcome back, enjoy your visit". At our age, I send him sweet, tender sentiments. I feel beautiful and comfortable again (in spite of all the side effects). Thank you for the encouragement. You've inspired me to compose and wear a ribbon today: "If this is Austin, she cares". Smiles to you.
Deborah2012
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Deborah2012 - Thank you for the info - I will definitely check it out! Have to go make dinner because I have a meeting tonight and just jumped on the site quickly, but I look forward to checking into it after that!
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Hi, y'all, I was wondering if there was a board for single ladies our age. I don't have a husband, but I do have two daughters. Wondered if there was anyone else in my situation. It kind of brings up a whole different set of anxieties to know that you are out here on a limb alone financially and emotionally kind of, too. Not sure how I'll manage after my surgery when the girls have to go home. Sure would be nice to know someone else has done it all before.
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Deborah2012, Thank you for realizing the fine line between just sharing and promoting your own consumer product. You already did go through the proper channels and have BCO inclusion and endorsement, so thanks for that info. and I am sure a few ladies from this thread will be by to check out your site. Kudos to you for recognizing how your own need could be useful to others. That is the best kind of entreprenurial endeavor.
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Seems to me that a lot of the ladies that I started out with five years ago are just like me now. Not thinking of their BC too much, forgetting the anniversary milestones of surgery and treatment. Not that we are oblivious to the realities of ongoing vigilance, but it is just not a prevailing thought anymore. So, to all just hopping on this wild ride, most of you will one day get to this point too. That is meant as encouragement. (And if you are Stage IV and reading that, don't think me an insensitive dummy, but we both know that our lives are just better if we can keep the cancer-y part to a minimum. BTW, I am happy to report that my Stage IV BFF and I don't talk too much about her BC lately and are back to our usual gab fest about other things. It's not denial; it's just embracing what we like over what we don't.)
I missed you, mac, (even tho' I didn't realize you had gone) and I am envious of your vacay.
Not that I think anyone remembers, but for the past two years I didn't feel like putting up a Christmas tree, but this year I am getting kind of excited to do it. That's the thing, if you don't have the energy or it feels like a chore DON"T DO IT. Most of us don't have little kids in the house, so no one is truly disappointed. The "holiday spirit" takes energy. Sometimes you have it, sometimes you don't. Nothing about the holidays should feel like drudgery so make your own assessments going into the holiday season and let your energy guide the degree of festiveness. No worries!
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Elimar! That is funny, a couple times over the last few years, I didn't do a tree, but then my manfriend whom I didn't think cared one way or another, asked last year if we were gonna have one, so we did. It just does make it seem more festive some how. So this neighbor lady had a volunteer pine tree about 8 years ago now, dug it up and was gonna throw it away, so I got it and potted it! Everyone told me it would die in a pot, but so far so good. It really resembles charlie browns. And then some years I will get a real full regular one. He draws the line at tinsel and lights though I have done so in spite of his grinchyness' wishes a couple of times. But I was in a thrift store the other day, and found a few oddball ornaments. One is this blown glass red eyed malevolent looking silver bunny with long sharp nails and a mean look on his face! Had to have it! And a handmade felt one, just the face of an elf, who is really elvey-looking! And some other choice ones. So I am going to go all out on a weird tree this year, so if any of you can find some more like that, let me know, so i can run get 'em. I did notice one year that the Homestore had some really bad looking ornaments, unhappy santas etc, I think they were crafted in pakistan, and I regret to this day that I did not purchase them. My friends that come over give more than a passing glance at my tree. I am not one of those graced with a terrific sense of good taste at all.
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Oh yeah, and Deborah? They say that where the worlds' needs and your own hearts' desire meet, well then that is where your work is. It would seem any time that that happens, that you cannot help but be sucessful, just by making others happy. Good work.
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Oh Elimar! I don't really need to see a picture of an ice cold Michigan! I can see it right out my window, as the wind blows and the snow falls........
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Elimar,
This time of year always has a bit of a shadow for me. Around Thanksgiving was when I was being diagnosed. Then the endless waiting for results as we all too well know messed up that holiday season. I've noticed a good thing about bureaucracy and the return to normalcy, though. Due to insurance windows and scheduling, the date for my annual mammo naturally over time just gets moved out later and later. This year it's in January. Pretty soon it'll be like rust. I won't even notice.. Gotta scoot. I'm decorating for Thanksgiving weekend that has family coming to me celebrating the following holidays- the whole shebang: Two birthdays, Hanukkah, & Christmas. We do it all in my family!
Kathec, I had never heard that sentiment expressed that way. Quite lovely, actually. Thanks for that one.
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Eli - I think the reason that this thread quickly became my favourite was due to the fact that there was a balance of discussion around non-cancer and cancer topics. No matter what the stage of bc or where one is along the cancer highway, it is refreshing to be able to talk with others about their children, school, work and sometimes keep the "cancer-y part to a minimum." And I know that if anything cancer-y was needed to be addressed then there would be support from middies near and far.
As for the Christmas tree dilemma. Our home is lacking space in which to set up a tree. DH isn't crazy about a tree, but I don't mind being crowded for a little while. I love the soft glow of the lights and reminiscing when I pull out the decorations DS made when he was younger. Now DH was quite willing and ready to put up the outdoor lights last week when weather was good. Unfortunately after looking just about everywhere, I can't find them! One good reason to leave them up all year - lol.
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Two lumps - I saw a topic under the Active Topics here called Single Life After Mastectomy. Don't know if it applies, but maybe find some kindred spirits, good luck. Lind
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So, I want to chime in on the Christmas tree/holiday decorating. As the old-timers will remember, we lost my Mom quickly & unexpectedly in June 2012. December of that year, I knew, would be horribly rough, so my sister, daughter & I went on a Caribbean cruise over Christmas, getting home on New Year's Eve. December of 2013 I still couldn't face Christmas as we knew it, so my sister hosted in her home. DD & I drove to sister's home 2.5 hours north on Christmas Day and because it had always been at my house for the previous 18 yrs or so, it didn't even really feel like Christmas, but we had a good day. Fast forward-Christmas 2014. My brother wanted to come up from Calif & spend Thanksgiving with my daughter & I but we had already made other plans. Still not feeling like doing Christmas the regular way, so instead, we are having Thanksmas. My brother & his wife & possibly my Calif nephew will come up on Dec 12 & my sister & her husband may bring my brother's other boy with them (he's in Portland) and come down on the 12th. We are going to get my Dad, who is end-stage Alzheimer's & his wife to come over on the 13th and we are going to make a gigantic batch of my Mom's home-made pizza, which none of us have attempted since she's been gone. I'm actually excited and plan to do some decorating, not sure how much though. So all this is not because of my BC but I can totally get how derailed we can all get about life and the holidays may or may not take a back seat. It's what YOU feel YOU can do. Be happy!
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Love the idea of Thankmas!!!
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Man, I lost another post!
Bars, I find that in a fit of frustration I throw away lights and stuff that doesn't work when we take our lights down. Then I forget what I got rid of. Putting the lights up is always a "fun" activity at my house. 2 moves this year won't help either. Hope you find your lights soon.
Twolumps, I know there are threads for single ladies, I don't know if they are age specific. By the by, I am single with two grown children. I am on the older side of middle tho. I sometimes think it is easier because I don't have to take care of anyone else. Just me.
Deb, I was dxed in Nov and had my surgery 3 days before Christmas. Kinda messed up the holiday. Actually made it into a holidaze.
I still get to have my mammo and BS appt. in Dec. So my mantra lately is "It is okay to be nervous." Or
"I am nervous and that's okay."
My chiropractor gave me a book today. "Why do I feel so lousy?" I am sure it is about nutrition, so probably more diet changes for me. I think (know) I ate way too much cake and key lime pie on my vacay.
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oh, a question: Do others see a banner at the top of the page about immunotherapy? It says I might be the answer to my cancer. Was wondering if it was a target ad or shows up for everyone. It has a join now button.
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Twolumps, there is a thread of single women. I read it a while ago, but they seemed younger than me, (55) and I felt I couldn't relate to them. So I haven't read it in a while, but maybe it has changed. I'm single, no kids, one dog who is my baby, but she can't really help when I'm laid up! Still expects me to feed and walk her.Mac: vacations are to be enjoyed!! Key lime pie in FL? why not??? It's not something I bet you usually have at home. And it is hard for many to try to diet around the holidays. Read the book, think about what changes you might want to make, ,and do it Jan 2. My opinion.
Personally I'm all for Festivus,, the holiday for the rest of us! (remember Seinfield)
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Thanks, y'all. I did post on the Single Ladies board, but I'll ask here: I really need a reality check about my bmx scheduled for Dec. 2nd. I've always been very self-sufficient and a fast healer, but I don't have a DH. I have a daughter who turned 30 this week with a relatively new job and very little paid time off and a teenage daughter ('nuff said?). I have great friends who would do anything for me, but they all work as well.
My question is this: how incapacitated should I expect to be 2 days post-op? Will I be able to take and track my own meds? Get myself to and from the bathroom? Feed the dog? Let the dog in and out?
Will it be adequate to have someone check on me at lunch and again in the late afternoon? How long should I expect to be unable to do for myself?
I know I'm asking some very subjective questions, but I have nothing to compare this to except a total abdominal hysterectomy which I bounced back from pretty quickly ten years ago.
Any practical advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Mac - No banner on mine about immunotherapy. Seems a long time ago on another thread somebody had something show up. Maybe PM the Mods. I agree with vacay eating. But on the other hand bet you were more active while you down there. How's the business going and your apprentice? I might have been tempted to whack the chiro with the book to show him just how you feel.
Barsco - Think Mac is right. Did you maybe decide lights were kaput and got rid of them? I did the same thing, well not quite the same. Turned the closet floors upside down looking for some sandals this summer. Oh right, got rid of them last summer since the leather was peeling off. Talk about not quality shoes with a name brand geesh.
We put up a tree mostly just for me. One of those tall skinny things. Can't get 1/10 of the ornaments I have on it. One of these days I will get this place cleaned out enough to get a big one. Have ceilings tall enough but maybe no room to walk around it HaHa.
Twolumps - tell us about the teenage daughter. Mine was surprisingly great at that age. Just don't ask her to cook anything beyond a TV dinner. I didn't have a bmx so can't speak to that. I think if you get things in place lined up it could work. Variable is the weather where you live. Bathing/washing hair with hand held shower will be a problem (trusted female friend to help?). Reaching anything also. Is micro above the stove? Dog is he rambunctious, does he go out do his stuff in yard and come right back in? Feeding him - like drop food in bowl (just something with a pour spout on it) or canned? Just musing here. Bet someone else has been there more than I have with this. Even Eli can address major surg. and I don't think she has kids at home. See that you've been on Dec 2014 surgery thread. Do you have a nurse navigator at your hospital to ask? Hyst. are different even with an abdominal approach. At least you can kinda hold onto that area and walk. Both arms majorly restricted is diff. Practice sitting up not using arms/elbows. Rolling to side. Strengthen those abs while you have a couple of weeks. Also have you been thru the presurg. prep thread on here? This is the link.
https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91/topic/...
I would think it can be done and I'm sure it has been done. You sound like you have good support and someone who does live with you. Plan, plan, plan and then expect the unexpected. Get ready to nest for a while. I think I would want to rent a recliner since I don't have one and that alone would require some prep around here. I know Blessings rented a hospital bed and loved, loved having it - electric. Also the recliner electric not handle driven (does that make it a lift chair and not a recliner??) I would say with the teenager not knowing her plan on something special as a "reward" for her and you on the recovery end. Be frank with her as much as you can about what limits you know you will have but upside that it will get better.
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Can I join and read along with you all. I start chemo on Dec 16, it will be a Christmas to remember. Right now I don't think I know the words to express how I feel. I'm sure a lot of you all have been there too.
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twolumps: luvmygoats put up some really good questions. As you are going about your day, think about how you use your arms. Do you have to reach for the microwave? Where is the dog food stored? Opening a door to let dog in and out should not be a problem, but if you have to chase after him, or run out to scoop the poop, then you may need help for that. Do you have a couple of neighbors who can pop over for quick visits to help with, say, opening cans of dog food or other little things? **I need just 5 minutes of your time to do ____*** you will be surprised how people will want to help out.
for getting out of bed,,, if you have a recliner, or decide to use an electric hospital bed,,, great. If you have flat bed like me,, what I did was get a bed wedge at Bed Bath and Beyond. That way I slept up at an angle. I can't sleep flat on my back, and this helped, cuz you won't be able to sleep on your side for a while. Being reclined seemed to help me sleep on my back. Then I swung my legs over the side of the bed,, kinda of braced my feet and used them for leverage to help me get up. You won't be able to use your arms to push you up for a while.
When you have the drains,, some surgeons let you shower with them and some don't. I recommend Walgreens pre-moistened wash gloves. You can slip your whole hand inside and wash all over. No rinsing needed and you feel very refreshed afterwards. Washing hair,, you will need help. A friend or someone who could drive you to your hairdresser just for a wash. Mine offered to wash my hair if I needed it, but my friend helped me out so I was OK. There is also dry shampoo, but you will need help as it will be hard to reach up to your head for a while.
Walk around, keeping your arms at your side,, and never lift more than shoulder height. What can't you reach? What can't you do? That may help you decide to temporarily move a few things around while you are recovering. Definitely check the preop surg thread too. Have food in the freezer that you can microwave,, cans of soup,, delivery menus,, enough dog food on hand to last at least 2 weeks,, 3 is probably better.
I only had Uni MX,, so I'm just mentioning things that affected me,, but I still had one good arm. So keep that in mind as you read above!! ((hugs)) and all the best to you.
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Twolumps,
You are in the high anxiety phase. Facing the unknown and trying to prepare. Although I had a MX and a DH, here's what I did that gave me peace of mind for $90. I scheduled an appointment with one of those in-home care services Victorian something was the name in my area. Got all the info. the costs for all services. If they drive you somewhere it's X, if they feed you it's Y etc. I had to pay a $90 100% refundable deposit. Then I had peace of mind before having the MX. If DH had a biz trip etc. I didn't want to be a burden- the usual soldiering mentality crap. I didn't need any of the services.
Some practical advice: If you don't have the funds for any in-home equipment, do a tour of every weird and standard pillow you've got in your house. I found a couple of small square and rolled one for my arsenal. I literally would assemble a fortress of pillows to support my elbows, forearms, whatever position I needed. I had one of those upright backrest bolster jobbies with the arms on them from 20 years ago and pulled that out of the closet. After surgery, I got them all packed around me just right and then I didn't move. Moving hurt. I'm with glennie19- I had to be at an angle and I got out of bed just as she said.
Best to you.
Deborah 2012
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Man, oh, man! What great advice! I will try the experiment starting tonight and see what I'll need to work around. My d-o-g is very well behaved and if she only had opposable thumbs, she'd feed herself.
I have been thinking about what I can cook to stick in the freezer like you said. I'll be able to cook Thanksgiving, so I'll definitely be putting some of that away. Of course, the obligatory enchilada casserole. I am in Texas, after all. The soup was a nice catch. Hadn't thought of that.
My bed is pretty far off the ground so I'm not quite sure how that will work, but I'll practice tonight. I don't have a recliner, but I can definitely get wedge pillows.
My teenage daughter is a very strong-willed young woman who has been blessed with VERY good health all her life. So what she makes up for with independence, she kind of goes begging in the empathy department. Plus, being so young, she is still afflicted with egocentricity that we all go through for awhile. Don't get me wrong, I adore her. She probably will make a great young entrepreneur, but probably best she doesn't pursue a career in nursing. LOL She did say she would cook for me if I gave her instructions. We'll see how that goes.
I did ask my hair stylist last night how much she would charge to shampoo and blow dry my hair. She said $20. That sounded a little high to me. What do y'all think? I was thinking of calling some different places to see what they said.
Anyhow, keep the good advice coming. Oh, one last question. I was told to just bring toiletries and something comfy to wear home and my phone charger with me to the hospital. Since I'll only be there overnight, I don't really think I'll need an extra gown or my kindle or ipod or even a magazine. I can't imagine I'll be interested in much besides sleeping and going home....
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I can't imagine that you would need a magazine or a book. You will probably only be in the mood for some mindless TV,,, easier on the brain than reading. Enjoy the IV pain meds while you can get them!! You will probably be dozing on and off. Ipod might be nice if you want to listen to music, but mindless TV will probably suffice the first night.Suggesting a pot of stew or chili to be put in the freezer too. Frozen English muffins or bagels,, top with a slice of cheese and a can of soup?? Not knowing what you like to eat,, so I'm just throwing things out here. Thinking easy comfort food. Stouffers frozen Mac and cheese?? LOL!!
$20 seems a lot to me. My hair dresser indicated she would do it for free,, cuz I've been a long time client and the REASON why I needed her to do it. She's been very supportive and also has family members with cancer, so she gets it.. I would check around,,, mention that you are having cancer surgery (yes, play the cancer card) and that you won't be able to wash your hair for a week or so,, how much would they charge for a wash and blow dry? Or if your daughter or friend can help out?? I borrowed a bath chair from friend, so I could sit in the shower. You could use one of those plastic lawn chairs if you have one. Sitting in shower is easier at first. Hand held shower head,,, someone can spray you off, help you wash your hair, etc.
Glad dog is well behaved! My neighbor kept mine the first night, just so I wouldn't trip over her! LOL!! But she came home after that. Just be careful if your dog is a snuggler with the drain lines so that he/she doesn't get tangled up and pull them. Mine likes to snuggle under my arm.
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Mac, I have the immunotherapy banner.
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mac...I've to the banner on top...Checked it out but wasn't impressed.
twolumps.....having someone do your hair is definitely a plus. I only had a lumpectomy but I had my hair done....I have very long and thick unruly hair and usually takes an hour for me to dry and straighten. I paid $35...so $20 sounds good. Plus it was a nice treat to myself.
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glennie, those comfort foods are right up my alley. I'll stock up! And you're the second person who has told me to take full advantage of the IV meds. After what y'all have said, I won't be turning any down.
Thanks for your help.
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A few seconds ago ndgrrl wrote:
Hi everyone.Last Monday I finally made up my mind that if the plastic surgeon had any openings left this year( he only operates twice a month) if he had any openings I would go ahead and have my bad girl fat grafted,
Imagine my surprise when I call this Monday and they tell me they had an opening this very Wednesday!! So its been a whirlwind- My GP who is an hour from me did my pre-op. The next day I went to the cancer center for blood work since I was already having a lot of the tests my GP just ordered his through the Cancer Center in Grand Forks. which is 2 hours from me. My new oncologist who is subbing in for this winter out of retirement is a hoot- but he is also very old school as he is in his 70's. He also oked my surgery and told me that the Plastic Surgeon had to do a disclaimer to tell all that was wrong with the surgery. My new olcologist said it was fine to have!
Wed bright and early I want to the Plastic surgery suite and had my fat grafting done. Took about an hour but I did great. I love love love those little patches behind the ear for surgery. I didn't get nauseated at all!!
I took a sneak peek at my bruised up girl but she already looks better!! They took the fat from my tummy. I had hoped for 3 or 4 pounds but he said 3 or 4 ounces was enough. My tummy hurts worse than the girl but they gave me so narcotics and I am doing ok.
Now I wait to see if the fat took, if I need to redue it or fix it more It can be done at 3 or 4 months!!
Even if you didn't know it, you were in my pockets the whole time along with my mother in heaven as it happened to be her birthday yesterday when I had it done. RIP Mom..
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congrats...ndgrrl Glad it all worked out for you with no problems. Happy healing!!
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Ndgrrl, Wow, that worked out quickly for you! I love my patches for nausea, too. (I'm traveling through chemoland.) I hope you have fantastic results and heal quickly.
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Wow ndgrrl what great timing. So glad the girl looks good. Take it easy on the partay but enjoy.
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