CALLING ALL STAGE I SISTERS
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"Anniversaries" certainly do bring a flood of feelings and memories. Certain parts of the past 1-1/2 years seem like just yesterday, very fresh; other parts seem like they happened five years ago. I recently told one of my docs that it's been a terrible and amazing experience. For me, a journey that has moved in slow motion and fast motion at the same time. I would have never guessed at the beginning of all this that I'd be doing as well as I am right now.
Hurray for all of us!!!!!!
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This time last year my bc was slowly growing inside me and I didn't have a clue. I was feeling better than I had in years because I was on my new BHRT. It was only when I had my mammogram on September 1 that the suspicious area revealed itself. I guess you can never be sure of what is going on inside your body, regardless of how you feel. BC opened my eyes to the fact that I can't take my health for granted.
Almost a year later, I'm about 15 pounds lighter, and following a special food plan and taking supplements to keep this from recurring. I'm doing all that I can do, so I have just let go of thinking about the future, and am trying to enjoy each day as it unfolds.
So grateful for this site and all of the wonderful supportive women. I recently met someone whose daughter was dx with bc at 30 and had to have a BMX. She is so depressed and I suggested that she join the BCO site for support. I'm hoping she does.
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Thank you all for your loovely words...means so very much.
SHEILA!!!!!!!!!!! That is awesome news my friend.
I have been digging in the dirt again this morning until the thunder and rain rolled in again. Man, it just feels clean getting so dirty:) This waterfall garden project is bigger than I thought......
BC is a game changer. In our perceptions, fears, thoughts, etc. It is like Joan said...I never had felt better when I got hit with the news...but now...a year and a half later, well, actually in the best shape of my adult life (albeit with new boobs-but even those I don't mind and actually forget about some times).
It is nerve wracking coming up on the next *visit* to check in have the blood work run etc...it is best when my mind gets to the place that realizes we never really do know what is around the corner. I did not see BC coming and I do my best not to look for it now. My regimen of supplements make me feel like I am doing something proactive as opposed to total denial that my body made it once and could cook it up again.
I read this this morning and it really gave me another way to look at things today...or at least for the next ten minutes:)
"Things can't be exactly the way you wish they could be, but why should this represent a source of pain or frustration? Can't you wish for something else instead? Can't you start hoping for the very thing that you have actually got already - or that you might soon be reasonably expected to get? Let go of all you regret. Forget the memories that haunt you and the hopes that, for the time being, you probably can't fulfil. Then, what currently seems like a gap in your life will start to well up with a large amount of love."
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Kaara - your story inspires me. I hope to lose weight and make positive life changes since BC. It is eye opening.
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New to the site this week. Awaiting oncologist appt #3 - 1st one I walked out after 2 hours 20 minutes waiting - 2nd one oncologist misread pathology and scared me crazy . . . awaiting an oncologist I can trust. I trust the surgeon. I'm looking for solid stats regarding recurrence, and good information that makes sense (to me) about monitoring and detection of recurrence after double-mastectomy . . . fun fun. I'm anxious to hear good news from you STAGE I sisters that our rates of recurrence are low, and chemotherapy works . . . . THANKS.
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FernMF - Sorry you've not yet found "your" oncologist. I don't mind waiting for docs because I usually take up more than my time allotment when it's finally my turn. But, 2-1/2 hours would even test my patience, something's not right there. Glad you ran from the second one! You're right, it's best to find someone with whom you click right from the start. I don't know much about triple negative...is it a given that you'll do chemo?
Annette - Love the quote. Here's another good one: "Don't should on yourself" (say it out loud).....
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Hi ladies I guess I've had a little break from BC.org for a while. My home internet went down and no I had to buy a new modem it's been in a while but my son nor daughter have had time to fix it with the ATT people. I have been working all the time on the midnight shift (which I really dislike) and haven't had time either. This shift really kicks my butt. All I want to do is rest when I'm off. My poor house has suffered so. LOL!!
Life goes on and my DD is getting married and having a "real" wedding this time. We love our soon to be son-in-law as some of you have heard me say before. I will also be gaining a new 3 yr old granddaughter. We are so excited. She is getting married Friday, July 6 at 7p.m. outdoors at a local park. It's very low key and no formal wedding dress. But very nice. They weren't suppose to get married till Oct. but broke up and got back together and decided life was too short to wait. (no baby on the way either... thank goodness they are too poor lol).
As for me I go back to the Rad onco on the 19th for my checkup and then on to see the plastic surgeon on the 25th for a check up. If all is well he will probably want to do some nip tuck touch ups on one breast. I just know I can't be off work except days off. I recently saw my Med onco also and I had taken a break from the Arimidex I was taking because of extreme hair loss. He had me stay off of it till June 15th and I have just now started back taking Tamoxifen 10mg again. We won't go back up on the dosage. I hope this doesn't make my hair fall out or my memory get bad. When I was on the Tami before and was taking 20mg dose my memory got really bad and my bones hurt and the hair came out a little but not bad. I've been taking it a week now and I have already noticed that yesterday my left shoulder has started hurting again and while I was off all meds all the aches and pains went away. The hair loss stopped too. My hair has actually started growing back in where it had fallen out so badly. On the negative side also... I have gained so much weight I am probably back at my all time high and just miserable. Life does those wonderful things to us from meds and stress. My wonderful hubby doesn't help buying me turtle cheesecake LOL!!! and of course I ate it
(( I hope all of you are having a great summer!!
Renee
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Renee, working nights really plays havoc with weight control also. good luck. I am off tomorrow to have my first mammo. Pocket party would be appreciated. I have a large seroma and think it will probably be uncomfortable to say the least.
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ptdreamers - Ouch, they still want to do the mammo with the seroma? Hope all goes well!
mimi1964 - Sorry you're down about work, etc. Working nights is tough. Some love it, but I guess you need to be a night owl sort of person and be willing to totally reprogram your internal clock.
I hope you get the meds worked out. I've been having a tough time on Arimidex, but I'm trying to stick it out...
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I'll be with you, ptdreamers. Let us know as soon as you hear anything, if you would please.
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Hi Renee! Missed ya!
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ptdreamers good luck with the mammo and ouchy on the seroma... been there done that. Mine finallhy went away on its own. In the pocket and praying for you.
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THANKS . . ONCO called- appt tomorrow morning first thing . . yipee (I guess, in a "sick way") Maybe I'll get some answers and know what is in my (near) future.
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FernMF good luck at the MO hope you get some needed answers.
I've been trying to catch up here and someone asked about mammo's and reconstruction with implants. All of my Dr's have said after my BMX with implants I will no longer have mammo's. I will have clinical breast exams and self breast exams. If we feel anything suspicious then it will either be US or MRI for follow up.
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Sheila - Yay!!!!!!
PT Dreamers - saying prayers for an all clear.
Mimi - working nights has to be tough. I know I would have a hard time with it. Is there any hope that you can move to days?
Annette - you should post pictures of your waterfall garden for us!! Beautiful quote.
Welcome to the new ladies. FernMF - good luck and heopfully you will get answers.
I have my next RO appt next Tuesday. How long do I continue meeting with the RO? I completed rx on March 6th.
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Ladies, I posted on this before (and took the posts down when I thought they were outdated). But I just have to share again:
If you are in Michigan or near or can get here from where you are, there is a totally awesome program here: Grass Lakes Sanctuary Women's Wellness Retreats.
They offer FREE three day retreats for women after they have finished treatments where you are pampered, massaged, given all kinds of different healing tools, fed gourmet healthy food, can swim, walk in the woods, meet other women.
I just got back from my own experience there and I am CHANGED! Cancer breaks us and then we have to go on as if it never did that. This place is run by grants by professionals, by people who give, ALL of them volunteering. It offers women ways to let the experiences release from us so we can heal our hearts and lives on the deepest levels.
I am a woman with many tools in my toolbox, but this was outstanding help that I needed. It was just so much kindness and so healing and so much FUN!
Check it out.
PS AND there are STILL OPENINGS FOR THIS SUMMER in July and August retreats!!!
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Had the mammo today. The radiologist took extra views and even did an ultrasound . He said that the seroma is obscuring the surgery site and that we needed to do an MRI and somehow get rid of the seroma. Guess I wll see what the MO and surgeon say.
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Ann was really good on the show. She got two calls, dropped one(oops) but filled the time with interestng info.
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Well I finally cried for my mom on Saturday and Sunday too. another horrible thing on Saturday, she fell all the way down the stairs from my kitchen to my basement. Broke her fall and somehow came out of it with no broken bones but she is sore all over and can barely get around. This after she had some minor back surgery in late May from a fall in Florida (that one was the result of running onto ceramic tile from the pool area with wet feet. This one, her thongs were the cause..) But i just couldn't take anymore...
So we met with the new BS this morning and we all liked him alot. The MX is next Friday. he really took time with us and i got a better picture of what is going to go on. He feels good that there won't be lymph node involvement and if not, she will not need chemo. He said it was not an agressive cancer and a very slow moving one so i felt a little better about that. BUT he feels that at this time she is in poor health for reconstruction, he said he would do it if she felt strongly but it looks like she is deciding against it right now. He was also against a double MX for her. I just don't know how she is going to feel getting out of the shower and only having one boob, I am worried about depression. any thoughts, suggestions?
He said that some people realize that breast cancer is a good thing as in some people it is a wake up call to start changing their lifestyle and she most definetly needs that. So i am going to stick with that positive thought and really try to work with her on diet, quitting smoking (2 packs a day!) and all the other bad habits she has whether they were the cause or not! Does anyone know if a dietician can help with a "no cancer diet" and what about the supplements? I read fish oil, B6 and folic acid were all helpful with keeping estrogen in order. She is ER+,PR+ and HER - (not sure if i got that last initial right but hers is definetly negative.
And of course i asked him about myself since i have had 2 biopsies myself. He said for my mother the MRI was a good thing cause it caught that tiny 2nd mass but for me, its not. He said that i would probably wind up with bunches of biopsies and worry myself sick. I don't know, i am going to ask my gyne next week.
Good news and congrats to all who have had good results.
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wow sooo much goin on here....the good,the bad and the ugly!!!!
Hey Annette and VAL....big shout out to both of you.
MIMI--always think about you too!!!!night work suks.I did it years ago..still remember getting days and nites mixed you.
Hello everyone who i forgot to menton...Im still in Brooklyn...well done on both sides...its so damn hot here altho NJ is just as bad.
love my sistas K
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Carey....what an ordeal for your mom and you with the fall. I hope she is truly OK. You must have really been feeling overwhelmed.
The visit with the BS sounds good...it is a clear and logical approach. As far as reconstruction, if it is important to your mom, there is probably a way to do it. But she should think about it now before surgery in case she wants to keep her options open. As far as support for depression, most hospitals, med centers, or communities have support groups. There are many threads here that would support as well.
While breast cancer is a wake-up call to change our lifestyles, it is also very complex emotionaly and physically. Many of us have found that even when our motives are good, fatigue and emotions get in the way of the best choices. Give your mom time and space to heal and adjust. Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your mom and family for the best outcome possible.
Hugs,Joan
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Carey, I had a umx without reconstruction, and after the first week or so it didn't bother me there's only one. Luckily my husband is cool with it and it doesn't bother him either. As long as the BS knows she might want reconstruction later, there's no problem putting it off. I would probaably take the other one off rather than reconstruct. I really enjoyed not wearing a bra for 5 weeks after surgery. Now that I am, the real one keeps singing "Born Free". That said, I have a silicone foob and match perfectly wearing clothing. I don't know how old your Mom is. I'm 70 and had no problems with surgery or aftermath. Depression is common but treatable. (((HUGS))) to you and your family.
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Ladies:
I received this link this morning (from the Web MD site) and thought some of you might also find it interesting to read...
Vickie
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Thanks everyone.
Wren, my dad and mom have been married for 44 years, she will be 61 in a few weeks. she already has a depression issues. i gotta tell everyone again that my dad is amazing. not only is he super smart, successful but he is cool and very loving and after 44 years, he is doting to her. Me & him are best buddies so we have a good support system, but depression is hard to beat. i believe that hers stems from the fact that the rest of her family never had the life that she was able to have and she has guilt over that. Well my dad worked his ass off and she happened to be a tall blonde on the side of the road a bunch of years ago and the rest is history!
Well she said she quit smoking today! We shall see. HAPPY 4TH TO ALL AND LOVE HUGS AND PRAYERS TOO!
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careyomomof2 - I'm sure thinking positive thoughts for your mom regarding the smoking. It could be part of the reason the BS wanted her to get through the MX first, then think about reconstruction later? Two packs/day is really going to affect her ability to heal well so I applaud her for trying to quit.
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Carey, Sounds like your family is good support for each other. Stopping smoking is extremely difficult and hard emotionally. It took me several tries to make it stick. I've had depression problems and am taking an antidepressant for the rest of my life probably. UMX did not cause a major depression. DH told me it was his main worry. I think a lot of depression is biochemical and someday they will find the cause and eliminate it.
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Carey, I'm glad your Mom has a great support system. And congrats on her quitting smoking. I'm coming up on the 10 year mark in October. It's damn hard to do and I don't know how successful I would have been if I had been dealing with breast cancer too!
Everyday that she does not smoke is a reason to celebrate.....I pray she quits for good.
Wren, I take an antidepressant too. My problems were not being able to go back to sleep thinking about my breast cancer, and the million other things going on....so my MO prescribed one and it's been wonderful to be able to get a full nights sleep again. Congrats on not smoking!
Happy 4th of July to you all!
LaDonna
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keep my daughter and family in your prayers.... she marries the love of her life tomorrow night at 7pm. We are praying for no rain or storms here during the outdoor ceremony. They will be going to Florida for a very short honeymoon (like 2 days) and then back home to reality. I will be gaining a wonderful son-in-law and a new granddaughter into our family. We already love them both so much. Very excited for all of them as they begin their lives as Mr. and Mrs. Gray ( I told her she has to read 50 Shades of Grey... I am reading it now). LOL!~! this is going to be a very busy day tomorrow as I have to work tonight and will be running on no sleep at all tomorrow. Pray for me to have energy to get things done right and all goes off without a hitch. There is no reception. We are going out to eat at a steak house afterwards. Love to all my sisters.
Watch my facebook page for pics....
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