The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I am known for saying, BEFORE I was diagnosed with cancer and knew I would get a double mast if it was true, that I wasn't going to get recon or wear foobs because "Why should I wear foobs to make YOU feel better?" Long sentence, hope you get the gist. If I have to deal with my flat chest, so do those around me!
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1st, i so agree withEmily, and Barbe!! i just live my life as i need to.. im the one with the hair problem, not them!! if they have a problem with my hair, or lack thereof, its/ their problem. that includes my DH Murray.. hes no problem, though. i go thru the what;'ll i wear on my head thing daily..
ive finished chemo over a year, but the front of my hair isn't going to ever be the same. im shining thin on top now... but, thats' about hair...
the underlying problem remains for me; its; my life, my self esteem, and im not working for poster child of bc. so, what is right for me, ple will have to learn to deal with... DH , Mur, has gone so far as "name " my wigs.. why don't you try the " redbomber" tonite.. or, tina turner is one youre most comfortable with, etc. etc..
i was gifted with 2 wigs from "looking good feel better here, and he bought me the tina turner one, and had it syled for me.. he's a dear.. MOST days..so, i have a "dumb " for tonight...today is my BDay, and we went out to dinner. My oldest son, and DIL give me a card the picture is a woamnan with her boobs standing straight up: the caption is so asnd so.. a name : mixed up her DH little blue pill with her supplements... hahaha WTF!!! i had both my boobs cut off, and so HOW is that funny.. guess i just didn't appreciate his sense of humour... so, its time for the bus, girl. im throwing them, and the card, with its' misplaced humour, and my lack of humor under the bus... you chose what, or who you want to throw under the buss... wait for it... 3jays
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there they go.. 0 -
i feel much better, now!!! 0 -
Happy Birthday 3jays.
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Thank you Jelson: I appreciate your kind words. That's what I've been doing...talking to my gf's who are understanding about it.
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Bonne Ane, mon Cherie!!!
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happy birthday 3jays
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Pteney-I didn't do chemo, but I did walk around with a uni mast and prosthesis for over a year. The prosthesis was hot, heavy, uncomfortable, and I only wore it in public, and after a while only in public if I didn't want stares and odd comments. The prostheses, recons, etc are for US, not for the people around us. We've got enough to deal with without have to take on the responsibility for the mental and emotional well-being of everyone else, even though, as women, we tend to do that. SHOULD you keep your head covered for the sake of the people around you? NO! At least IMNSHO. We need to put ourselves first at times, and this is one of those times. Tell hubby to grow up, this isn't all about him and his comfort with people. And while your rant could have gone on the hair loss thread, it fits here, too. The effects of cancer treatment can't be pigeonholed as neatly as we would like, sometimes.
Kelben-children are used to being first in their parent's lives. I remember how shut out and hurt I felt as my father was dying and he and Mom became more and more focused on him and themselves. I was an adult at the time, and understood what was happening, but I had some childish tantrums anyway. I don't think you've lost your child, I think she's lashing out from fear and emotional pain. Not that it makes being on the receiving end of the tantrum any better (as my mother reminds me from time to time). Don't worry about the rant, we all need to do that from time to time.Happy Birthday, 3Jays!
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thanks for the kind words guys, I feel better this morning. My daughter is 40 and has 3 sons, so although I believe immaturity is part of it, she should have known better and to keep it going is sooooooooo hurtful.
Happy Birthday 3Jays, hope you had way too much to eat and drink and enjoyed most of your time with family.... besides the card of course..
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You guys rock - thanks for the words of wisdom and 3Jays i LOVE the bus! NativeMainer, I agree the prosthetic for my uni-boob is hot and heavy and i've been doing it for 5 years now - have talked to the surgeon about taking other one off (he told me to wait a year originally to see if I still wanted to) and now i'm ready. Last mammo showed it was still fine, but there have been cases where the cancer is found after removing it, so i'm hoping that's not the case. Hugs to all this fine day ... Patti (who is happily wandering the stores today with my very own tufts showing 0
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I haven't had a mastectomy..yet. It could be in my future but I can't help wondering..why on earth in this day and age can't they make a prosthetic that is light and comfortable. Is it rocket science?
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The prosthetic available most easily is the heavy plastic one. I have some knitted ones, some filled with quilt batting and some with micro beads. These are much lighter, more comfortable and less likely to cause me to want to have surgery.
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I really know nothing about prosthetics so this may be a dumb question but I'm here to learn so what about a gel prosthetic? Is there such a thing? Something that you could tuck in your bra that was light and kind of "moved" naturally?
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Wow....miss the bus a few days and a lot happens....
simply put....people don't always think and we don't always take thing the way they are meant...nut sometimes we do....my hospital roommate this week , a lovely 72 year old woman, regaled me with stories of people with heart stuff and cancer and ....I wasnot offended or upset or anything...was just grateful to have the chance to get to know this woman in this weird situation and that we could keep each other calm for the night....it all depends on the day. I actually thought of this 'bus' at one point in our midnight conversation and thought 'last week, this discussion of death and fear would have been tossed under the bus...tonight, it is all about communication and listening beneath the words'....I know that won't always work but it did this week.
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My prosthesis is made of a weird material, it is a soft synthetic and feels liked it is filled with the same stuff Stretch Armstrong was filled with. It has breathable gel bubbles on the inside and is not too hot but I am soooo tired of it. Recon is 3 weeks!
I wore a wig for about a month and then nothing but hats for 3 1/2 months. When we went on vacation last month I left my hat at home and have been going topless ever since. My hair is not very long and not filled in all the way on the top but I don't care - it is very liberating and everyone has had good comments about it. It almost looks like I am wearing it this way on purpose. DH even likes it! When it comes to your head - do whatever is right for you!
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Dear Jelson and Travelgal,
I have a total love hate thing going with my sister. Sometimes she is absolutely unfeeling. I.E. When I was worried about having uterine cancer develop from tamoxifen she said "What's the big deal they can just rip that out and you'lll be fine" It was the word RIP that got to me. I didn't talk to her for days.
Lately it's been my H (not DH) because he's not such a dear person. He recently told me he's not happy and he wishes he could divorce me but now I have cancer he can't. He carries the health insurance. Imagine that from your closest partner. I think he needs a few buses.
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Valgal- oy...I am sooo sorry. He needs a mack ruck I think...If he is not being a dear...and if the stress has gotten to him bu he has the health insurance....could you separate to take the stress off? I still have my separated spouse on my health insurance and he left August 2010....
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WOW, just WOW. I cannot believe some of the stories you ladies have shared.
Nextstepsfromhere........ All I can say again is WOW. I cannot believe what your husband said to you about having to raise the kids on his own. Sounds like you are better off without him.
Dmho - and your minister.....I am sure she meant well, but couldn't she have read the reaction from your daughter and said something else?
Take care all. I would like to think that most people mean well, they just do not know what to do or say. It is a difficult time for all.
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Valgal..I agree with the mack truck idea..maybe even a cement truck...what a jerk. You may not want to deal with a seperation right now but if YOU wanted him out I see no reason why you couldn't remain married but living apart and still claim on his insurance.Lots of people do that. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that issue right now.
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Val- I am so sorry you have to deal with such a self-centered sanctimonious creep. You will be better one day and he will still be a jerk.
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Putting in my 2 cents worth on prostheses--part of the reason they are heavy is because they are trying to replace the weight of the removed breast. I can tell you from experience, being -A on one side and DDD on the other, the weight imbalance causes a alot of neck, shoulder and back pain. When I wore the prosthesis, I was better balanced and didn't walk into walls like I tended to when I went without. If you are small breasted it probably isn't as much of a problem as it was for me. I had a couple "knit-a-tits" that were very light, but wouldn't stay in place. I sewed one into my bathing suit and then discovered that when I was reclining to sun bathe the foob stood straight up, the real boob drooped and shifted. It looked VERY weird!
I agree, though. In this day and age someone should be able to come up with a prosthesis that moves like the gel filled ones but is light light the knitted ones.
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I am the same almost. A DD on one side and a mastectomy on the other so flat. I have a bean bag that weighs alot! But it is probably the same as my DD. I hate it and go without anything around the house. I look like a circus side-show act, but have to wait in queque for surgery 8-12 months because it is elective, not an emergency.
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Dear Sandee, Annette and Emily,
I agree about the separation thing. I might be happier on my own if I could keep the insurance. I went back to school late in life to be a teacher and the job situation is fierce. I'm looking right now. Hopefully if I can find something I'll be in a better place to do something. I'm having a little lymphedema problem right now and I can tell he's just looking at me with hate in his eyes. He even resents me being on this board. He said "your breast cancer is over so get on with your life." In some respects he's right. ...but I'm thinking I need to plan a way to do that on my own. We've only been married 3-1/2 years.
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Well my lovelies...circus freaks we may be...but we are alive, and strong and vibrant! Not sure for big breasted women what else would work other than a beanbag....but I can imagine how unbalancing it would be....imagine elective ....elective ?!!?!????!!! Does anyone elect to be an Amazon? (Well...I guess the Amazon's did but seriously...how is that elective?!?!?!?!?)....something seriously wrong with the health care system ....we should all wrack our brains and see if we can come up with a weighty but not too weighty alternative for you:)
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VALGAL..Oh no sweetie he is not right this is part of our lives and we shouldnt ever have to get over it. It changes us and im so sorry he cant understand what this journey is all about... You move on in your own time not his or anyone elses... I am sending you a virtual hugs (((((((((( hugs))))))
Maria
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thanks Sandee, I thought the same thing when Dr. Zhong said that to me, but I kept my mouth shut... that's all I need is to piss her off and then have to wait longer. Elective??? ya right!!!
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Valgal- can you go to a girlfriend's house for awhile? a place where you can cry if you need to , be afriad if you need to and get support for lymphodema etc? I know men deal with fear differently....actually remember my dad and his wife splitting up when he had open heart surgery and could no longer 'travel' a lot....and I remember thinking 'good riddance. What you need is love right now..and friendshiph and suppor. This is scary shit!"....how can we help?
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Valgal..yikes..less than 4 years and he wants to move on? What about seeking a councellor to help you sort out what you should do? Is breast cancer ever really over? You may be cancer free but you will always have to be very vigilant and yes I do believe it changes you forever.
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looks like we ALL can use this.. 3jays 0
