I know I cant be the only lesbian out here?
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It's actually my 6th time with cancer. First a lumpectomy on the right, then a lumpectomy on the left, then a quadrantectomy on the right, then the mastectomy. And somewhere in there were cancerous changes in my right adrenal gland and my uterus, so both of those were removed.
I don't have many body parts left that they can take out, so this trend has been told to ceast and desist.
NOTHING takes me away from this except sleep. I am reminded of it in every aspect of my life. I could write a book. And yeah, I like DWTS but had to have my cable disconnected at the beginning of the last season because I can't afford it. And I work two jobs so couldn't watch it any more anyway.
It may sound differently here on the written page, but I'm not depressed. I cope as well as I can, smile and laugh as often as I can, and just live the best life I can. This is just really the only place I can be real about it and not sugar-coat the realities of it. Cancer f*cking sucks.
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Youv'e been through it little bits and peices at a time. I'm happy you told them no more. I told them to leave me with the riding parts but guess I should have added with no pain or swelling. Probably wouldn't have mattered anyway, surgeon kept referring to the last year and ahalf as just a speed bump. One hell of a speed bump it totaled out the car. What do you do (either job up in Ohio)? Spent a week or two in Columbus in 04 but haven't been that way since. Vent away! Will you SO listen to your frustrations with this whole mess? Sometimes they can take more than you think they can and have a better understanding of what you are going through. I will ask some of the guys I know if there is another means to get Dancing with the Stars, Hulu or something. Gay men should know these things, will probably have to listen to a critique of everyones outfits but I'll get the info. Sounds like you are just worn out from working too much and not getting enough down time (I know its hard and probably impossible to do if you are working two jobs). I hope the situation changes for you soon. Mean while I'll be searching the computer world for access to Dancing with the stars for ya. Sleep tight.
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About the pain......I had what I called the hot barbed wire across my chest.BMX 5/1/09. HAd Rx but finally got a RX cream compounded that was the bomb. I could put it where is hurt, not get sleepy etc. and the pain was gone in 15 minutes. If you interested let me know. It had Gaba, keta & lata.... When it is cold I still feel the wire. I started working last year with a trainer and that has helped. I have upper body muscles..who knew.Feel so much better & have lost over 100 pounds. I do not check here much, but will start and follow the post.
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LoveGolf, thanks for the info (wonder how much a 50 gal. drum of the stuff costs) and congrats on the weight loss and your new found strength. I know since treatment I've had to get a few new articles of clothing but nothing like I bet you've had to do, I hope you like clothes shopping. The cold weather let up a bit here today so I got to ride the MC everywhere I went, doing that helps me alot. Gets my head focused on what I'm doing instead of how I feel. Glad you are adding your input to this thread. I remember the feeling of being diagnosed,alone,scared and finding this group only to realize that it was silent most of the time. I hope no other lesbian has to feel that way. Keep up the working out and feeling better, man that must have been difficult for you to begin if you were 100lbs overweight. Everyone have a good day. mutt
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Will do..I do not want anyone to feel alone. When I was going through it all there was another tread that wass up and going...it was good to have. Will do better checking.
And yes lots of clothes shopping.
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hey glad to find you all here. just diagnosed and i have my first oncology apmnt friday. wish me luck as i head in to this crazy world of cancer.
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elliejdan, Glad you found us. There are alot of wise and caring women here and throughout the site. I remember just being diagnosed as being scary, confusing, and just being crazy. Your Oncologist will be able to tell you alot about what is going on and I highly suggest you either take a tape recorder or someone with you to your first appointment. The unknown is a tough place and it sucks but it doesn't last for ever, you will get answers. Until Friday try to get enough sleep, do what you want to distract yourself and if you can't sleep I'm a night owl and will check in frequently.
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Write down questions as you think of them....when you get there to Dr. your mind may go blank. It is all so scary in the beginning. It does get better when you have "fight plan".
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Hey JustJean, you doing ok up there in Ohio? Thanks LoveGolf for adding that. There are still some parts of the begining that I don't recall easily. Chemo brain is getting better but still hit some sticky parts.
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Welcome, elliejdan... you're in the scary part, for sure. Make sure if you can to either write everything down or have someone go with you to your appts. And ask here, there are so many women who are willing to help.
LoveGolf, could you get me information about that cream? It sounds like just the thing I need.
Mutt, I'm doing about the same up here in Ohio. Have a nagging little cough and of course I immediately think that I now have breast cancer in my lung but I am doing things to make that go away. Saw my primary doc a couple of days ago and she is referring me to the integrated care clinic (YAY) so maybe my insurance will pay for some alternate therapy and maybe there is hope to get rid of this pain. Long term pain is SO debilitating.
In other good news, I went to the gym today and did 9 miles on the stationary bike. I am seriously out of shape and that needs to change.
I am SO glad this thread is waking up!
JJ
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Nine miles might be kinda out of shape but not "so out of shape". Did you feel good after you finished it. Glad you got into a program that might be able to help you with the pain.The nagging cough could be the flu, everyone down here is doing it. elliejdan, How did it go at the onc visit? Did you get some questions answered even though you may have not even wanted to talk about it? There isn't any good way to look at this stuff This Sh-t Sucks! but it has sucked for all of us and we are still here to get you through it. Let us know how its going.
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Hey mutt, I really worked hard when I could, after my bm, to try to get back into shape. It was my 6th time with some sort of cancer or other and I was so weak that walking to the end of the drive was a challenge. So I started walking to the end of the drive and back several times a day, then to the end of the street and back, then got on my bike and worked some different muscles, then back to the gym and really concentrated on getting stronger. And it helped but it didn't make me anywhere near as in shape as I was accustomed to being. And then a year ago I had a bad fall in an icy parking lot and gave myself a really bad case of costochondritis and could barely move, let alone go to the gym. Oh, I hate it when my gym membership doesn't get used! When I could finally start working out again, about 8 months later, I was once again in terrible shape - how is it possible to get in that bad of shape in that sort of time? So I start the laborious process of climbing out of the hole and whammo, i lose a toenail (chemo, that gift that keeps on giving for years) so that really set me back too since I couldn't walk without pain. SO it finally heals and my son has talked me into going on a few slow walks with him in the neighborhood and I decide it's time to go back to the gym. I used to do 30 miles on that bike at a much higher resistance plus treadmill and work out for an hour or two.
So yesterday was my first time in the gym in months and yes, I know from experience that it's always baby steps back to something resembling fitness, but dear goddess, I am so tired of having to *do* those baby steps every time and would like the old days back when I stayed in whatever shape I was in, you know? That's why 9 miles and the resulting exhaustion did not make me very happy.
And my bone scan a couple of weeks ago showed a "significant loss" from 1.5 years on that devil Arimidex, so I'm glad I've done those hundreds of miles on the treadmill and walking/biking in my area because think of how much worse it could have been if I'd done nothing!
Gosh, I'm little miss mary sunshine this morning... I think I need more coffee, lol!
JJ
p,s, I don't think the cough is the flu. I have no other symptoms, it's very intermittant, and it is not producing anything. I'm being very careful around people who might have the flu, too, taking absurd precautions because I honestly don't know if I would survive a bad case of the flu. If it's still hanging around in a few months when I see my onc, I'll discuss it with him then.
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JustJean, Hate those baby steps. Still fighting them here. Use to workout hard (P90X) along with physical labor everyday. Two days ago I shot some photos bending down to one knee several times in an hour and my quads are letting me know about it. Worst part I'm having is with my upper body due to swelling and fatigue in that area. See you aren't the only ray of sunshine and I have had enough coffee. Sounds like you are kicking azz in the workout dept, I'm impressed. I'm glad you don't think you have the flu, its been knocking the crud out of people. I've washed my hands so much in the past week that I'm now armed with not only handsanitizer but also lotion in my jacket pockets. Some idiot in world headquarters of my pharmacy thought it would be a good idea to force everyone that gets a prescription to e-sign for it. So now all of us contagious or not have to use the same stylus to verify that we have picked up our meds and there isn't a bottle of sanitizer to be seen, you have to ask for it and sometimes its not available. Enough of my new found germphobia, would just like to get sick from someone I like and not a complete stranger that wasn't even in the room at the same time. Good things (so we don't scare the crap out of anyone new), it was warm here last friday so I rode the MC all day and its suppose to warm up again in the middle of the week so will be back doing the same. Hair finally looks close to what it was before just a little thinner (this is where I thank Arimidex). I'm happy I have hair but it was looking a little like the nursing home perms and I'm anything but that so have been cutting it off up untill now. Still short like I always had it but without the gray tight curly stuff. Keep up the pushing yourself in the workouts, close to where you were before bm is better than close to only being able to walk to the end of the drive.
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Good luck elliejdan! Let us know if you need anything:)
Hello everyone else, good to see you all keeping the board alive, I am hit or miss but make sure i check in every now and then...cheers, anne
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Hey Anne, nice to meet you! I hear that the Phoenix area has had some realllllllllllllly bad weather the last couple days. I have a couple of online friends out there and they are just freezing their patooties off!
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Mutt, if you and that bike ever come to NE Ohio, will ya take me for a ride? I haven't been on the back of a bike in so long!
I'm impressed that you are even ABLE to get on one knee on Arimidex. No more floor stuff for me, no elliptical, no bending, no nothing. The last time I took a yoga class it took me five minutes to get down on the floor and about that long to get back up because my knees are NOT happy about anything I do with them.
In the good news category, hmm... oh, come on, I must have some, right? Oh, I found a missing purple striped fuzzy sock that I wear at home at night, I know that's a very small thing but I've been looking for that thing for two weeks now!
No, I don't think I have the flu but every cancer survivor knows where my mind goes every time I cough. Scary sh*t, either the flu or the other. My doc gave me an inhaler, she wants me to use it 4x a day for a month but I haven't used it yet. I feel like I run my own pharmacy, you know? And my lab tests show blood in my urine so off to the health food store I went to try to avoid having to take antibiotics, and it's working! Cranberry pills, D-Mannose, vitamin C, some powerful biotics and two days later the symptoms have gone waaaaaaaaaaaay down. Hey, I guess that counts as good news, eh? By the time that culture comes back, I'll have fixed this one right up and won't need the antibiotics! Yay!
I'm glad this board is getting more active. I kept wishing it was and then realized that unless people (like moi) contribute, it's never going to get active!
And hair. Oh my. Hair. It came back in totally 100% murky gray and I was sooooooooooo disappointed. It's not where I want it to be (shoulder length or longer), but it's now back to brown (with a little help from a mostly natural hair dye, lol) and at least I can tuck it behind my ears. Not as thick as it used to be, but I had extremely thick hair so no one would know the difference.
There is nothing better than a purring cat on your lap. Time to go to bed... all the animals will follow me and soon we'll be warm and asleep.
JJ
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JJ. You know those socks don't actually stay in your house or in your dryer when they go missing. They are all down in the Bahamas sucking umbrella drinks on the beach for awhile then they come back to the house. You can look for them all you want but won't find them untill they are ready to be found. If I ever make it to Ohio on my Sportster I will not only give you a ride I will take your entire family out to dinner. So far the longest Iv'e ridden in one shot was 86 miles but that was several months ago, will see how stuborn I am about increasing my saddle time this spring. Got a good friend that is trying to move from IN back to Boston and would really love to do a road trip on the bike, could swing on up then over instead of staying on I-70 through Ohio. My knees are the one thing that still works good on me (knocking on wood, crossing my fingers and throwing salt over my shoulder). Had surgery on the right one at 19 (basketball and softball) but haven't had any significant problems since then. Think my ankles have taken most of the damage all my life and saved the knees. So that explains all the bike riding, low impact knee exercise. I'm glad you guys are posting more. Makes me look less crazy just getting on here and trying to find something interesting to write. Hope everyone is having a decent week so far.
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Hi Justjean,
Well we did have cold weather for here, but since you are from the "snowbelt" I would feel sorta silly whining about it! Just got back out in my canoe today and it was much warmer.
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Hey cooka, what the heck have you got on your dogs head in the avitar? My dogs hate getting dressed up unless its football season then they like their jerseys cause that means popcorn. One of my neighbors has to travel to Tuscon on Friday, saw where your weather has been a little strange but its suppose to warm up a bit. How is it paddling a canoe after the mastectomies? Don't think I can do that right now. Have you done any fishing from the canoe? Not much going on here, was warmer today but had things to do that didn't allow me to ride. Theres always tomorrow and its suppose to be warmer.
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Hey Cooka, yep, I'm up here in the snowbelt. Smack dab in the middle of it, lol. We've been fortunate this year and the lake effect snow has been minimal but they are forecasting a good amount of it over the holiday weekend.
I spent almost 30 years in the Charleston SC area and then moved back here to care for my mom and just stayed after she passed in 2004. I like the cool weather but am not fond of driving in it!
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Mutt, that sounds so good to take a ride on a bike. You could feel the wind in your face and really see the world going with you, and forget anything else for awhile.
I'm going to take that thought (and my now-found sock, lol) to bed with me and go to sleep imagining it. Ah yes...
I have an acquaintance who owns a bike, she and her wife go riding all the time. I think I might have to hit her up for a short ride in the spring. I think she'd do it.
Yeah. Gonna do it.
Night all...
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JustJean, I don't know anyone with a bike that is set up for a passenger that wouldn't give a friend a ride if they asked. 4 wheels move the body, 2 wheels move the soul. I got about 40 miles in on mine today so my smile time is way up. Sounds like you are happy that the sock has returned from its vacation. Iv'e got to get up early tomorrow to take my 91 yr. old neighbor and his brother to the airport. I bet we talk about WWII all the way there. They wanted to drive to Tuscon but I convinced them there was too much weather inbetween here and there. I didn't want to be responsible for the car wrecks. Everyone sleep tight.
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Hi Mutt,
Well, I'm off to a fun filled day. Picking up some shoes that were ordered, going to another city to spend a day with my honey, delivering some cat food/litter between a rescue and a foster home, and volunteering at our local Hospice House for the National Day of Sharing. I expect to be pretty tired when my car rolls back into the driveway late this evening. Sounds like we'll both be doing a lot of driving, eh?
Much too cold here for bikes of any kind. I do ride bicycle when I can, albeit slowly and not with the greatest confidence, but I love my bike (it's a Trek) and ride when I can.
Be careful out there. I will too.
JJ
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Hope everyone had a decent weekend. Anne have you been able to get anymore canoe time in? JJ, hope the food and liter was appreciated and you had a good time with your SO this weekend. Feel like we've hijacked this thread but just trying to keep it current for anyone looking for a connection. Went out with friends and had a good time. Been kind of stuck in the middle of a bunch of crapy stuff (non BC related) so I needed it. More info than anyone probably wants to know but there are heated clothes, gloves, socks that plug directly into the motorcycle so if the pavement is clean you can ride all year long. Its expensive so I'm still riding with long underwear, snowmobile gloves and the .89 foot warmers, not ready for any formal gatherings and the MC. Hope everyone has a good week. Kris
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Kris,
We're not hijacking the thread, we're keeping it alive... some of the women who posted here are now on the private Facebook, which is great, but it would also be good if this place were to be kept open.
I had a great day - the start of the new season for my chorus, with a board meeting afterwards and then dinner with a friend. And a walk to Wal-Mart with my 18 year old son at 1:00 AM in the snow... yeah, a little odd but it felt good to get out and walk - I sit way too much, particularly lately.
Tomorrow is a holiday too. I'll do some phone work for my second job and get the laundry done and do such mundane things as getting lunches made for the coming work week. We're supposed to get a lot of lake effect snow, so it should be a good day to stay inside!
I never heard of heated items for a motorcycle... where do you plug them in at????
JJ
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I'm sitting with a friend who is getting reveision surgery to her recon surgery tomorrow morning but then will be doing the food thing. Cooking a ton of spaghetti so I can eat on it all next week when I'm busy. The gear plugs directly into the pigtail coming off the bikes battery so the 12V is running the whole show, there is even a thermostat that you can buy to work all of it to your liking. I haven't ridden in a while because my ex didn't like them, started back riding and these kids have taken care of all the things that were a pain in the ass about riding. If you are going to Wally world the middle of the night is the best. Around here it doesn't matter what time it is there is only one cashier so you might as well make it when the number of cashiers is a little more close to the number of patrons. Hope you have a nice quiet day. Kris
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Hi all,
Got plenty of time in on the water this weekend and it is nice and warm again here (not that I am rubbing it in!). Yes, Kris, that is my cattle dog (Chicken Mary) with antlers; she was still eager to please in this photo because we had just adopted her a few weeks prior. Now she knows she runs the joint and would not put up with such an indignity:) Hope you all had a great weekend!
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I was born and grew up in Texas, you aren't rubbing it in. Glad you are getting to do what makes it all worth while. Every house needs a hearding dog to tell us what to do. My shepard mix thinks she makes the rules and was the one that stuck by me every minute during treatment. She doesn't make the rules but she sure likes to enforce them, she tells on my other dog. Ok, now I have to ask where the name Chicken Mary came from. Am I the only one that saw the Inaugural speech? Thought more people would be talking about it. Heres to not getting dropped by our insurance companies, better healthcare if you haven't been able to get insurance and possibly equal rights. Hope everyone has a good week and I'm the only one having crappy weather.
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I watched the Inauguration and I really appreciated the speech. Here's to better health care AND equal rights!
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I did not watch the inauguration speech. No tv service. I hope one of these days I can catch up enough to get cable again. I need to watch it on the internet - definitely have to keep that since my WAH jobs use it.
That's interesting about where the gear plugs in on the bike, Kris, and now I really want to ride again.
I am so tired. I think it's early to bed for me.
I hear we made the news today - crazy Ohio weather. I could not believe they had ONE school open today (it was 6 degrees out there and snowing and blowing!) and it happened to be the college my son attends. I took him to school, was 15 minutes late to work.
Time for bed... sorry so odd a post, lol... talk to you all later!
JJ
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