thread for middle age to older Christian women.
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It's been a little over a year since my surgery and I still have pain; although it is not constant like it used to be. I still cannot do even a girllie push up. I had the same thing for years after my lung surgery. Like the other ladies said, it's always good to check with your MO, but the tingling is actually a good sign. Those nerves are regenerating, which if you think about it, is an amazing thing. I used to liken it to being poked with hot pins. They would come out of nowhere and I make me yelp out loud. The ones I get from trying to do the push up are right at the surgical site (down very deep), and I think those have to do more with the loss of the surrounding muscle and tissue. It's a whole different kind of pain; Like someone punched me in the chest. Ow.
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Thank all of you for your replies on the pain issue. Makes me feel a lot better to know what the pain probably is. We get so touchy with every little thing, lol. So nice to visit with all of you.
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For awhile I thought every ache or pain was cancer. I think we all go through it. I can go days and not think about it, then wham, I see or hear something and I'm right back there. I have to give it back to God. I don't why it's so hard to give it to Him and wash my hands of it. We humans can be stubborn; this one is anyway.
My lung surgery was almost 25 years ago and I forget about it most of the time. The scar is mainly on my back (and under my breast where it doesn't show), so I don't have a visual reminder unless I'm looking at my back in the mirror for some reason, but I still have to have deep tissue massage every so often because of the scar tissue.
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PTL my friend that had the brain aneurysm is being moved out of ICU. She is still confused, but sat in a chair and ate a meal. She will have a long haul in rehab, but she has a great prognosis. Thank you all so very much for your prayers. God is good (all the time!)!
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I am glad to hear about your friend Mini. Lately I have been having a hard time feeling that God is good. I'm stressed out about my move and getting the remodeling of my house started, about choosing the materials for the new bath and kitchen, and of course about cancer. My oncologist has just prescribed a new medication which I will have to self-inject three times a day, starting in about 5 minutes. This change is because my most recent scan (first one following start of treatment for mets) showed at least one of the growths in my liver got a bit bigger. At least the PET scan done just a little earlier showed it wasn't gobbling up glucose at a high rate, so whatever grew it isn't highly aggressive (I don't think). People quote me verses about "have no fear" and it doesn't reassure me, it just points out to me another way in which I'm failing to live up to my faith, because I am scared and anxious about tomorrow and all the other things we aren't supposed to do. Also I have this fear that somehow I will screw up my treatment, by not reporting a symptom that later turns out to be important or something like that, and as a result having rapid progression, shortening my life even more than stage IV is going to anyway blah blah blah. I think this last one might be an irrational fear, something that's very unlikely to happen, but for some reason I can't seem to shake it. It has really been bothering me lately. Sometimes it helps if I write it all down. It's as if I have a mental abcess, it will never get any better until the "bad" is let out. For the last three weeks or a month the words have been "stuck" in my head and I couldn't get it out on paper. Maybe now that I have said something I will be able to calm down. OK bye, time for my shot.
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Curveball - I just read that courage is fear that has said its prayers. We are human. We have fears, God knows that. That's why God tells us to give our fears to Him. The key for me is to always remind myself not to let fear overtake me. Some days that's an easy thing to do. Others it's something I have to do it over and over again. I have to concentrate on what I know - God loves me and God is in control - and not how I feel - afraid. I'm scared at stage 1, forget about stage 4. I know people are well intentioned, but often they don't realize that their words marginalize another person's feelings when they say things like not to be afraid or it's God plan.
We're here to support each other not matter how we feel. I pray that you will find peace and that you know that there are people out here praying for you.
Blessings
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Mini1!!!! Such wonderful news about your dear friend!!!! Praise The Lord!!! The power of prayer is amazing!!!!
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Folks, I second that emotion: "Praise the Lord! The power of prayer IS truly amazing". Have a blessed week all and Peace!.
CB
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Dear Curveball!! please don't be hard on yourself! You are dealing with many challenges right now! Our Lord never, ever gives up on you!! He wants you to cry out to him, and He is never intimated by our lack of faith or fear!! Like Mini1 said, we are here to support one another! Like Job, in the Old Testament, give your fear and anxiety to Him!!! Love and Blessings, Kathy
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Ms. Curveball,
Please listen to all of the kind words that have been posted here and never, ever feel that you have no one to lean on in addition to our Lord. All the BEST!
CB
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Oy vay, what an experience. The medication comes in a little glass vial, one vial for each dose. I got all ready to give myself the shot and then couldn't break the top off the vial to get the medicine out. I was scared my hand would slip and I would cut myself on the glass, or spill the medicine. Finally my mom was able to open it for me. I got so upset and frustrated I had a crying meltdown and gave myself a headache. Then after I stopped crying I called the pharmacy to see if they have the med in one of those bottles with a rubber top that you just poke the needle through. They do, but it is a multiple-dose bottle. The pharmacist sent a request to my doctor to re-write my prescription so I can get the medication in that form, and I hope he approves it but I will still need to use at least two more of those single dose vials before the office opens. The pharmacist said to wrap the neck of the bottle in a cloth, so I will try that and maybe I won't be so scared of cutting myself. But I didn't have any bad reaction to the medication once I finally injected myself, so at least it wasn't a complete and utter debacle.
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Oh, Curveball, what an ordeal! I can understand why you were so upset. I'm glad you are sharing your feelings and experiences with us so we can encourage you, wrap our virtual arms around you and pray for you. I believe God doesn't mind when we wrestle with our faith. I certainly do. He meets us where we are.. No one can take us out of His hand, including ourselves. I love you as a BC sister and as a Christian sister.I only have brothers, so I'm glad to have sisters now! I hope tomorrow is an easier day for you.
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Welcome Netter! So nice to have you here. You will come to love this thread and these wonderful Christian sisters.
Curveball, you poor dear. I can totally relate to your issues with the glass vials and injectible medication. When I was pregnant with my son, I went into labor at four months. I was hospitalized and told that in order to go home for the remainder of my pregnancy, I had to give myself an injection every three hours for five more months. The doses came in those ridiculous glass vials. Sure enough, I cut my thumb on the very first vial, and then I learned to use a cloth wrapped around the neck to break the vial open and protect my hands as your pharmacist recommended.
As for the fear issue, it is God who provides us with faith. We don't manufacture faith. God gives to each one a measure of faith, but that doesn't mean we won't feel the emotion of fear. Even our Lord Jesus understood fear in the garden of Gethsemane. When I read, "Do not fear," I take it more as an encouragement from Scripture, like the Lord is trying to comfort me with those words instead of ordering me not to be afraid. People that say, "Do not fear" or "To fear is to sin," clearly don't understand having a cancer diagnosis. Many Godly people in the Bible experienced fear. I was scared constantly going through treatments, scans, surgeries, etc. I still experience it when I experience a new pain, have a scan or a wacky lab result.
Mini, Kathy, Jeannie and Cmbernardi, have said it so well. Trusting God with the faith that He has given you one day at a time, cry out to Him with your fear. He is big enough to take it. He knows your heart and thoughts better than anyone. He will not abandon you, and neither will we. Praying that you have a better day today and that your treatments will be effective and any SEs negligible.
Fondak, I take an AI, Anastrazole (generic Arimidex). I have constant pain since the third month I began. I also developed osteopenia and will have another DEXA scan this year to see how much more bone loss I have experienced. I take my vitamin D3 and calcium supplements every day. My MO think I should probably stay on the AI for ten years. I have been on it for three. Ugh! Seven more years of these side effects seems like a very long time to me. We will see. I am definitely going the five years, and maybe will go longer if my bones can handle it. I do get weary with pain however, and mine is constant except for rainy days when it actually gets worse! I pray yours will be easier being on Aromasin.
I hope all of you ladies have a beautiful day experiencing the Lord's power in your life.
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Dear Curveball, You are extemely strong and your courage amazes me! You Did It! You injected the medicine and I am so happy to hear it was successful!! Each day is an adventure, and you are never alone!! Our Lord is right beside you, and We ,your Christian Sisters ,are your Prayer warriors here! Hugs and Blessings, Kathy
Jeannie and Rocket! As always, your words of wisdom, kindness and encouragement are inspirational!! I so enjoy coming to this thread! My love to all of you, in Christ Jesus!!!0 -
Great words of wisdom, Jo-5!!! Thank You!!!!
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thank you for the prayers! I am not so upset today. Nobody has said to me that fear is a sin. It's just when people remind me of those verses that say "have no fear" and the like, I feel like a failure because I am already scared. I suspect that in order to have the intended effect it would be better if people said "do not fear" before the person they are talking to gets scared.
I just called the pharmacy, and hurray, the multi dose vial is ready to pick up. It's too late to get to the pharmacy and back before time for my afternoon shot, but they are open 24 hours so I will go get it after dinner. Only one more wrestling match with glass vial. So far no major side effects.
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@Rocket, I am sorry to hear anastrozole is being so tough on you. I have taken it since January with no noticeable side effects but just got switched to exemestane. However, I know any of the aromatase inhibitors can cause loss of bone density. Have you asked your doctor about taking one of the other AIs instead of the anastrozole? Maybe it would work just as well with fewer side effects. And are you also getting a bone-building medication along with the anastrozole? I don't know if that helps the pain any. I pray that God will strengthen your bones and relieve the side effects, either directly or by leading you & your doctor to find adjustments in your treatment that are just as effective but not as painful.
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Dear Curveball, I have prayed for you and will continue to pray that you will rise above the fear. I was told that my cancer was incurable last month, and the initial depression was unbelievable, I never thought I would be happy again. At first I was angry and couldn't understand how God could do this to me.
I was initially diagnosed in December 2009 and when 25 of my lymph glands were removed from under my right am it was discovered that 21 of them had cancer. My oncologist told me I was certain to have another tumour elsewhere in my body, yet the petscan showed nothing. I was held up as the poster girl for Herceptin, so when my blood tests began to show an increase in cancer back in March this year I was sure that they were wrong, after all God had saved me, right! On my recent diagnosis I felt like a child who had been given a wonderful toy to play with, and then that toy was given to others to play with but the child would never be allowed to play with it again.
It has taken a little time to rise above this state of thinking, and it is not through my efforts. My church has offered great support and have been praying that the fear would subside, and I believe that their prayers have begun to work. My pastor told me bluntly that God could take me this second if he wanted me in Heaven right now, but he obviously has work here on earth lined up for me to do first. I am now in a situation where I think of dying now and again, rather than having that thought as the default constantly in the back of my brain.
I think that even though you don't realise it you are inspiring others as you get on with doing the nitty gritty things involved with everyday living whilst having to deal with these kamikaze glass vials. My faith is questioned so much, yet somehow I know deep down that it is the only true thing in this world, so even though I am confused I will never let go of The Lord. Please feel free to private message me if you want to talk further about this.
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FridayGirl,
Your words are just beautiful but I am sorry to hear your side of the story. Same for you Sister, PM me if U ever want to talk. We are all children of the Lord and he will not foresake us. U are here for a reason and God will keep your fear managable. I am having my own small anxiety attack today because I have to start RADS tomorrow and boy I am shaking in my boots. I feel like a kid who knows their Mom is taking them to the Doctor. Stomach ache and shaking inside. May be cathartic for both us to lean on each other. That is what we are here for, right? Ok, gotta run now because the tears are making it hard for me to see the keyboard. Peace and Blessings to U der heart!
Carolyn
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Just had my 1st chemo today. Very tired but not too bad. I have a question for anyone. My initial path report said that I was ER and PR positive. Then my lump was sent to onco. It came back saying that ER, PR and HERT were all negative and I have a score of 59. MO said she would talk to me later about all of this, one day at a time. I don't understand, do any of you have ideas?
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Hi Netter,
I'm glad you got your 1st chemo finished today. One down at least. You will get through this. Did you get a copy of your initial path report as well as the oncotype DX test report? It would be helpful for you to be able to read them I think and then ask your MO questions as more may arise when you have time to read and digest it. I got copies of both my reports and they matched regarding the ER/PR status. It seems odd that yours wouldn't. I have not heard of anyone reporting that, but perhaps someone will come along here and answer your question. I am praying that the next few days will be gentle on you as you recover from your first treatment. Let us know how you get on as you are able.
Hugs!!!!!
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@ Netter, I was just looking at a copy of one of my path reports, and it says that ER/PR results can be unreliable if the sample is not analyzed within certain time limits. Also, I'm not certain, but I believe it is possible to have a tumor with a mixture of ER+ and ER- cells.
I was able to pick up the multi-dose vial on Monday night and since then haven't had any problems with the shots.
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That's great to hear Curveball. Now you won't be risking blood loss with those silly vials. In this day and age you would think they would have replaced them years ago.
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Dear Netter! As you go through Chemo, please know that you will continually be in my thoughts and prayers! You will get through this, and you will become a mentor for others!!! God Bless you, Kathy
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I may be MIA for a few days. My DS, DIL and granddaughter, Erin are coming to visit today until Monday! I can hardly wait to kiss those cheeks!
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I am really trying to find out more info about these reports with my chemo brain is not totally clear. Oncotype DX shows that I am definately triple negative. Pathology report shows estrogen-positive, progesterone - negative and Hert2 - negative,. Don't know what to think. Seems like another curve ball late in the game. Feeling pretty good today. I know that something happened yesterday, lol. Getting my Neulasta shot this afternoon. And will check in with PT cause my left arm is swelling. Dr. wants me to get compression on my arm. You are all sooooooo supportive and I appreciate it much!!!!! One last question. Does the Oncotype DX report have more bearing that the hospital path report???
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Dear Netter, I'm sorry you are going through such confusion. My MO had my pathology done again when the grade was inconsistent. The pathology report is very impt. The Oncotype is a tool used to suggest recurrence risk with certain treatments (Tamoxifen, chemo). There is another program available to docs only where they type your numbers in and it gives you a risk assessment, too. I can't remember what it is called! My doc thought that program was impt.
Curveball, so happy you are done with the glass vials! What are they thinking, prescribing those??? I am inspired by your courage to do what you have to do each day.
I am getting pretty tired from the Tamoxifen. My first three month checkup is on the 17th. I hope I am metabolizing it correctly. Not looking forward to a blood test from my foot again to find out! Two friends had TE's taken out and gummies put in this week. I'm so happy to see them able to move on and feel more normal. My DIEP surgery is July 18th. I'm really nervous but want to get er done.
Praying for you ladies.
Hugs,
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Dear Rocket, enjoy your precious family!!!! Netter, I am also confused with your two reports! I am sure your MO will be able to give you all the information on what your reports mean! I did not have the oncotype test done! Don't worry, your medical team will take good care of you! I am so glad that you are feeling good! Hang in there, and know you are being covered in prayer!!!! Hugs and Blessings!!!! Kathy
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