2010 Sisters
Comments
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{{{ANNETTE}}} I agree with DM, you should sit back and take some much needed time for yourself. You will know what (if anything) you need to do when the right time comes.
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Oh annettek, I am so sorry for all you are going through. How strong you must be to still be even remotely functional! But you are right, you need to slow down, take a deep breath, and concentrate on YOU. It's not a selfish thing to do, it's a necessary thing, a good thing to do. Every day is a new day, filled with infinite possibilities. Step back, let life happen, take it one day at a time. And take care of yourself, dear sister. You deserve it. {{{HUGS}}}0
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Annette, I can so relate to your wanting to fix everything. That is also my nature. My spiral happened 16 years ago when i lost my son. I wanted to fix everyone around me and control everyones emotions. Well as Dr. Phil ask "How is that working for you?" As for me it was not working at all and I just stayed pissed at everyone because couldn't they see how hard I was working at trying to keep everything normal in our lives. The fact was we had lost our son and nothing was normal or was going to be for a very long time. I finally broke and realized I had to let everyone heal in their own way and I had to allow myself to heal and take care of me for a change. It felt really selfish and uncomfortable at first but it was the beginning of our family healing. So now I do selfish pretty darn good! hehe We defiantly need to get together for a cup of coffee, we don't live that far away from each other.
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oh Annette---I just want to wrap my arms around you and never let you go...damn I walked in your shoes,really i did and they hurt.Take time for you...and if you want to run away to a place where no one can hurt you do that for yourself.Sending up prayers for peace in your heart.hugggggggs and God bless.K
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sherry- i don't know how you ever recover from something like that- if ever...i asked my mom how she did it after losing my brother and sister four years apart and she said "you just go on somehow, never the same"...i am in awe of folks like her and you....i appreciated it more as I grew older and had my own kids...unfathomable...she still somehow managed to give me a good childhood....although I don't hav to be a shrink to know my "ms fixit all booboos better for everyone" is rooted in those early losses. I don't like letting go. big hug to you and we will meet one day:)
all the rest of you...thanks so much...i can feel the caring and it is really a nice thing...the plan is to find some time while in dc to kick back and think or perhaps not think at all. changes have to be made individually and together no matter what the end result is. i hate whining but sometimes, sheesh...hahaha...not a bad today. i have to go see onc on wednesday=she is pissed at me for stopping all my alternatives (you know, the ones that aren't supposed to be doing anything *important*) leading up to the nip surgery that was rescheduled so I did not have my blood panels run as I felt would be kind of dumb after not taking anything for a month...she wants me in anyway...so I can listen to harangue me for not taking AIs and then she will tell me when i need my blood tests (still have the order). i may smack her in the chops hahaha maybe not. i will see how i feel.
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((((Annette))))
I think many of us have the same issues with trying to keep everything at home and elsewhere on an even keel, it's just in our nature. I've been covering for my husband for a long time (he's got issues with depression and alcohol) with people at church and also trying to smooth things over between him and our kids. I don't know that their relationships can ever be repaired completely, despite my efforts.
After my dx he came around and swore to some permanent changes and did a great job taking care of me, but now a year later, he has started to backslide. I'm done covering for him though, and I figured out that my new attitude is long overdue. I think having this new sense of mortality from BC has really lowered my bull$hit threshold. I really am trying to speak my mind these days, to him, at work, with the kids (both adults now), and it is really empowering. I think the re-evaluation of the many areas in our lives is just a normal part of this process.
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Awww...my heart goes out to you Annette. ((huge hug)) I'm glad you vented here. This seems to be a "safe place." I like that. These are some mighty fine friends you have here and I'm glad to be getting to know you, and all of them as well. Life can seem so hard sometimes. Hang in there. I agree with everyone here, you have done amazingly well; it's ok and probably essential, to give yourself whatever time you need.
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Sherryc - I missed your birthday bash here, but have to add my belated ((((happy birthday!)))) And wow, all the canning and preserving of foods!!!! I'm so impressed; I don't really cook much. Lol! But I am trying to eat healthier.
Designermom - I love your avitar! Hope that grill of yours gets to working. I'm not very mechanical, it frustrates me when things don't work right. Have you tried hitting it with a hammer? Or maybe giving it a long push off a short dock? (just kidding lol!)
amyjo - congrats on expecting a new grandchild!!! What wonderful happy news!!!!!
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annettek - I too have grown up always trying to fix thing for everyone and protect my little sister. My mother was a bi-polar scitzoprhenic and when she was on her meds things were pretty normal and when she decided she was well and did not need to take them things got out of control very quickly. Then my first husband died of cancer and I added all of his family to my help fix group. I ran on empty for a lot of years until bc and then somewhere along the journey I deiced it was time for me to find out who I was and let someone else be the fixer of the family. My DH was so glad I step out of the way and let him take care of things. I had not realized that my efforts had made him feel like he was an unnecessary part of my life. I am 61 and all this has happened in the last year. You have been through so much more than most, but we all know the feelings and it is good you are finally taking time to take care of yourself and find out who you are and who you want to be. Know my love along with all the other ladies here is with you and we will be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. If you think taking time for yourself is selfish then if it long past time for you to be "selfish". Lots of {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} for you. Glad you felt safe enought to tell us what is going on with you. We all needed this safe place to talk about our lives.
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{{{AMYJO}}} Hugs, gal pal, for letting go. Annette, you can do whatever the right thing for you is and Shelley, so can you. Wow. Prayers going up for you all.
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Thanks Barb, you are a dear friend. Facetime soon.
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Wow! I guess we all are trying to keep the world spinning on our own! Isn't it amazing that when we pull the plug and decide to be "selfish" and let others deal with their own "issues" the world does continue to spin? I don't know about all of you, but I believe my BC was partially due to stress. I have no family history, lead a relatively healthy life. I know I have to reduce stress to beat this beast, and that means others are just going to have to do more.
AmyJo- Isn't it amazing how finally taking instead of giving actually ends up being a gift for DH too? The world does work in mysterious ways.
Okay, the mechanical sagas continue! I did not take a hammer to the grill, but I bet some of you guys heard some of the names I called it! Now I am punishing it by ignoring it! Now my washing machine decided to agitate foreeeeeeever (like 3 hours) and not spin and not drain. So far I have removed all the soapy, wet clothes, unplugged it and moved it out so I can get at the drain hose. Tomorrow I will deal more. I am just beat. We cleared tons of brush and dead branches etc... and had a huge burning pile going all day long. I think we are all going to hit the hay (even though it doesm't get dark till 10p.m here).
On a different matter. There is so much scientific evidence that there is a link between low vitamin D levels and cancer. One study out of Canada showed a 50% reduction in BC recurrence if women kept their vitamin D levels between 40-60. My vitamin D was a pathetic 16 when I finally convinced my Onc to check it. With two prescription courses of Vitamin D, supplements and intentional sunshine, I have finally nudged it to 24. This Youtube link is a little long, but I found it very interesting. It is posted by a BC survivor. Sorry you have to paste and copy, my linky thing won't work.
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I've noticed my arms and arm pits have been aching a lot lately, expecially after an intense walk. I haven't done LE massaging in a while. Or it's just from my uncomfortable implants. I used to do massaging after my BMX, but after my implant exchange in January, I was too sore, I had to quit for while and now I'm just out of the habit. I left my desk and used the restroom to do some massaging today.
I notice my arms and hands will also start to tingle and ache when I stretch them or they are raised for a short amount of time. Does that happen to anyone else? I'm hoping that might go away when they take the implants out. Maybe massaging will help that too.
I'm so hooked on BCO. I have to start setting a timer so I don't spend too much time out here. I'm not getting stuff done around the house and hours will go by without me even realizing it. Yikes.
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faithroad thanks for the birthday wish.
Shelley so glad you are finally speaking up for yourself and what you need. What a weight to carry covering for your husband all these years. It is time for him to deal with is own issues and not rely on your to cover for him.
DM I so agree on the the stress thing. My first lumpectomy for ADH was 2 years after my son died. I thought then stress was causing problems with my health. Fast forward to last year and getting BC and this followed 4 years of being tied up in a law suit with my DH business for something he did not even do. But the stress it put on us not to mention the money to defend outselves because insurance would not cover because we were not at fault. And you think you carry insurance to protect yourself. So I ended up finding out I had bc 1 month before it all finally got resolved. So I do think stress is a major factor. And I am really getting a chuckle out of the grill thingy, but now the washing machine too. Maybe you need to hire a live in handyman, if he would clean and cook that would be great as well.
Annette I don't think we ever recover from the major losses I think we just become survivors.
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faithroad- I think we have all found ourselves spending perhaps waaaaay too much time on BCO. I have just chosen three favorite threads and limit myself to those. Otherwise, you are so correct, I wouldn't get anything done in my life.
sherry- About the stress factor to BC. Even the author of "Anticancer", (a doctor who researched why he got cancer twice), included a new section on meditation and stress reduction in his newest edition. Wouldn't I love to just hire a handyman for all these &^%$# machines! However on this tiny island, the "handy" men are anything but handy (actually often make things worse) and they charge $35 an hour! I can't recommend google or about.com enough. There seems to always be someone who has the same problem and is happy to share a resolution. I'm about to go take the back off the washer to see if a sock or something is clogging the drain hose! Hmmmmm, maybe I should turn into the new "handy woman", I might be able to pay some bills!
shelley- I totally "get" covering for your DH. My mom was an alcoholic and I was constantly trying to cover and fix things when I was younger. By the way, it never worked, everyone certainly knew about her problem. It just resulted in me becoming pretty dysfunctional. There are some great support groups like Al Anon that can help you from sliding back into those bad habits of covering for him. You need to focus on staying healthy now.
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stress = bc.period.im so sure of it.i was told to go back about 10 yrs before the bc and see what type of stress you had then......damn when i checked it out im lucky to be alive !!!!!!!.now the stress from my family has returned and guess what????my cardiogram was different then the last one.doc wants an ecco.my colitius is back.thats for sure.my stomach looks like im 6 mos pregnant.goin to see the gastro dr.tomorrow.he wants to see all my meds and vitamins and told me to bring my toothbrush which means to me i might be staying.sooooooooooo much stress goin on in my family RIGHT NOW.
end of rant.thanks for listening.
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granny so sorry about the stress it sure messes with out bodies. Hope they don't keep you and you can go home to your bed. good luck with the gastro
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DM - thanks for the link. How come doctors do not tell patients how important Vitamin D is and prescribe it when their patients level is low or as was my case, non-existent? I am really trying to get my stress level under control. My visit with you was a great stress releiver. Love you my dear friend.
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Lordy, lordy, stress?? Who doesn't have stress? It's a way of life. How about goth teenagers (5 years ago) and a depressed husband who I had to Baker Act? I already figured stressed caused my BC since I don't have any real risk factors. The goth teen is now a college sophomore and the DH isn't depressed at the moment...
GrannyD, I love you so much! I sure hope you get some answers from the docs. Family dynamics can sure put your stomach in knots.Sherryc, Barbara, DM thanks for the kind words. It is tricky to undo the habits that we've developed after 25 years of marriage. This, too, shall pass. I'm just asserting myself a little more and not putting up with the crap. I have started walking out the door to go for a walk when I detect the BS is about to start flying. Maybe that is why I've lost 10 lbs? Eventually he will figure it out. I do think everybody already knows anyway after showing up for choir multiple times with beer breath and glazed eyes. One lady even asked if he was high. I just don't know when he is like that if he even knows that people can tell. He hasn't done it in awhile. The other thing he does is calls people on the phone and has weird conversations. I know he is lonely and bored when I am at work (he works nights). There is not a good solution to this problem. Enough about me.
AmyJo - congrats on your baby news! I'm not yet a Grandma, but I'm looking forward to it. Give me about 5 years and I'll be ready!
Faith, my armpit just quit aching finally in the last couple of months. Hope you are not wearing underwire bras. Those are really painful. I threw mine all away. It is still numb but not aching. Do you see any swelling? I also try to limit my BCO time but it is hard!
Annette, Panmars, hang in there! Who did I miss? (((Hugs!!!)))
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Wishing everyone less stress and remember to take you Vit. D. I love you all and you all have helped me so much. Take care of yourselves and whenever you have a opportunity to meet another sister in person, take it. You will make some fantastic friends, the kind of friend that gets it and will be a great stress releiver. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to all.
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{{{GRANNYD}}} Oh hon, I am in your pocket! I am praying hard.
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AmyJo- I can't believe you thought your NYC trip was a stress reliever! I say we find someplace where neither of us has any obligations and really kick back! Just got in off the deck from working on my vitamin D. They say being in the sun is the most effective way to get levels up. Do be careful not to burn, it doesn't take that much. They say 40% of your body should be uncovered. Ideally spend 15-20 minutes between 11a.m-1:00 (better UV rays or something). Heck, out here I could be butt naked and nobody would see! If keeping my D levels up reduces recurrence by 50%, this is a no brainer. Now if I can just exercise consistently and get another 50% reduction!
Granny- Tell your family to take care of their own problems, they are gonna make you sick. Jeez, they are grown up now, aren't they? Only you can say no to letting them stress you. I say screen your calls!
Shelley- Maybe DH needs to find a support group? Even an online one might help, especially if he is bored.
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Speaking of vitamin D, how much should I be taking? I first found I had low levels in Jan. '10 when my neurologist tested for it trying to figure out what the numbness and tingling were in my left arm. He couldn't find anything wrong, except the low D, and told me I had fibromyalgia. Wrong. Second opinion by a rhuematologist said no. He did tell me to take 1000 IU of D3 a day, which I am faithfully doing. Last D check, by my primary just 1 month before my BC DX put my level at 34. He said that was fine, but since my BC, I wonder if I should try and bump it up some more. Maybe 2000 IU daily? Not sure. Oh, and the numbness/tingling turned out to be a structural problem, something about my scapula pushing in and down, and my ribcage pulling forward, pinching a nerve, or something like that. A PT figured it out, gave me exercises for it, and now it's rarely a problem. I swear sometimes PT's know more than the doctor!
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Panmars after my BC diag my vit D was 42 my MO put me on 2000 iu's daily after one month it was 47. I go back in a couple of weeks and will probably retest again. I am going to ask how high he wants it to get, I forgot to ask the last time.
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Shelley - (my family calls me Shelly as a nick name, I like the way you spell it!) I don't have any swelling, I don't wear underwires...just a lot of aching lately. I still just wear a loose fiting sports bra, as my PS made me two different sizes and I couldn't find a bra to fit both sides...I'm being deconstructed July 5. I think I will be more comfortable. I had immediate recon, but now, wished I had waited. Live and learn. :-)
DM - that is very interesting about the vitamin D. Really. I watched about half of the video, and bookmarked it so I can go back and finish it. We need more sun in Wisconsin that's for sure!!!!!!!
amyjo - I'll echo your sentiments wishing us all less stress!!!!
I appreciate you all here. (((hugs)))
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panmars- I know most BC ladies take at least 2,000 daily (make sure you include your multi which had D). You need to make sure it is D3. I found this site extremely helpful and informative, and they helped ease my concerns about "vitamin toxicity"etc which our medical doctors carry on about. Most of our medical doctors know nothing about nutrition and supplements. Here's the site vitamindcouncil.org. Even lots of Oncs say the old levels are outdated, that new data says BC women should keep levels between 40-60 (some say much higher).
I just found this link to a new study which confirms it is safe to take 4,000 per day of D. They say the old 400 per day RDA is just to prevent rickets (seen any rickets lately?) but doesn't address the new cancer preventive findings of vitamin D.
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Thanks DesignerMom, I'll check it out!
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I am just catching up here, with my dad in the hospital (worring about him), DS out for summer getting him to Summer School for Speech (doen't want to take it during the school year) and Drivers Ed for him, the past few weeks have been a blur. Have only been on the forum a couple of times.
Faithroad - I am reaching out to you here. In January I made the decision not to continue with my recon. I had my BMX with/recon on May 11, 2010, ten days later I was back in the hospital with a massive infection on my right side (tumor side) had to take it out. Retried in November and thought that was sucessfully until after Thanksgiving, insision leaked, had celulitus and then got a hole, had to be taken out a second time. When I saw the PS in January, in tears I told him no more. Well tomorrow I am finally having surger to remove the left TE, had to wait due to work related issue concering FML. I am so ready for this to be done, so I can get on with the rest of living. I have been through it all it seems (BMX/recon, chemo, rads) but the worst for me has been recon. I have an great PS but recon just was not right for me. All in All I have had the great support of my DH and DS, and of course the lovely laidies here to support me. Good luck with your surgery.
Now I am going to catch up on the posts.
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Sherry - I am with you when deciding to do a double instead of a uni. Having to face MRI's every six months on the non tumor side to just yearly appointment with BS for check up. I will take the yearly appointment. When my BS said there was a pre cancer on the left side, that did it for me. Not taking any chances. Good luck.
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thanks for the love and prayers...i am not in the hospital...dr wants me to take some over the counter fiber and eat activia and not stress...sooooooo.i started screaning my calls,and made myself a promise to start putting weight on.he told me to eat what i like right now and stop worrying about the bc.im in remission,my blood work is good.he thinks i look fab.eat real food now till i get my body back in shape.i swear im gonna do it.Yes my kids are adults but they never grew up!!!!!!!I was mother and father and spoiled them rotten.it is my fault.NOT ANYMORE.THEY CAN ALL KISS MY SKINNY ASS.
love love love all of you.where would i be without all of you?????????thanks for listening.rant over...huggggggggggsK
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ-qekFoi-o