2010 Sisters
Comments
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BoomersMom - Glad that you are starting to feel better. Boomer is an adorable dog! He looks like he has a big smile on his face.
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Boomer - I am so glad you are cycling to a better place and are feeling better. Too bad that kind of cycling does not burn calories! ;-) Just glad you are getting to a better place. Love Boomer, he looks he so wants to please his people. I have a schnauzer we call Daisy Dog just so we can remind her that she is a dog. Sometimes she is too smart for her own good, but at least she keeps us laughing at her antics.
I go to the onco on Wed. and get the results of the CT scan and last weeks labs. Here is hoping the news remains good on this final test and I do not have to change anything as far as my treatments go.
Hope everyone has a good evening. AJ
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AJ - How is that Daisy?
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She is up to her old tricks of hiding my phone and keys only she has found new hiding places. Now she hides them in my closet, amongst all my flip flops!
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What a funny dog! It must have been a hoot looking around and finally finding them in the flip flops - bet she was PROUD of herself!
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Boomer...
It is so hard sometimes. I call it "going to Saturn". Way way out there in the universe of self-despair and emptiness...but eventually making my way back. Write out your heart. Some of it you will share with us and others and we will read it and welcome your feelings- since we have all been there one way or another.
And some of it may never see the light of day, it is like unsnapping our jeans when we eat too much or letting air out of a full balloon...all that pressure relieved and poof, we feel a lil bit better. The words don't even have to make sense as they come spilling out of you, for I find when I write those unseen missives they are coming from a different place where commas, spelling, sentence structure or even a point matter not at all. It is the getting it out that matters.
I found a lil notebook from a year or so ago and I almost cried when I tried to read my words. They were so scribbled and chaotic- easy to see the fear and confusion-general chaos. I wanted to go back to that time, tap myself on the shoulder and say, hey, it'll be ok.
and you know what?
a lot of the time it is.
and will be.
BIG HUGS:))))
AJ- here is sending the biggest wish on the planet for same old same old:)))
i love ya all
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AJ good luck tomorrow! Love ya!
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Last night, dear Boyfriend and I had yet another one of our emotionally, dragged out, horrific talks about the future. That talk seems to have cycled me back (back to Saturn I go!). It seems we both are stuck in cancer land, trying hard to figure out what to do next with our lives. I stopped Tamoxifen in April before my double mastectomy because I wanted to try to have a baby, and now we're both worried that this decision will mean my risk of a distant recurrence is much higher. He is paralyzed with fear that this decision is going to mean my early death, and frankly, so am I. I'm 32, and I want a family so much. He is the first guy I ever dated where I wanted to make a family with, and now it's just so sad and frankly unfair. Why can't I make a decision to have a family without worrying about death? It seems cruel. I think I'm finally accepting the fact that there's a chance my fate is out of my hands, so I should make this life I have what I want. I should spend my 30s having great sex, not complaining about the side effects of effing menopause.
I hate breast cancer and what it's done to me.
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Omaz - Daisy was proud of herself, but when I asked her where did she put Momma's keys she showed me. She is a silly dog.
Boomer - I know how scary the future can seem and when you are dealing with depression too, things can get horrific. Do what you need to do to make your life what you want it to be. Try not to worry so much about the future, you can cross those bridges as they come and it will be easier to cross them if you have made all your yesterday's as happy and fulfilling as you could. Try to look for the joyful things in today, I know that is sometimes hard, but do try. It gets easier with practice. ;-) Big hugs to you sweetie. You and your dear boyfriend (DBF) are in my prayers.
Shells & Annettek - just got the results from the CT scan and the labs I had last week and everything is great! The lung nodules are GONE! Some of the bone mets are healing and there are no new one showing up at this time and the liver only has one small lesion now and the liver function is normal and the rest of the labs are all in the normal range - even my iron levels!!! The onco is giving high fives he is so happy for me. He is concerned that I am still losing weight and told me to stop that. I told him I was not trying to lose, it was just going down a little at a time. He told me to eat more and more often! Everything is good on this home front!!
Joy and blessings, AJ0 -
DOING THE HAPPY DANCE for AJ:)
BIG HUG TO YOU BOOMER...remember this................exhale.
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AJ - I am so happy to read your news - wonderful!!!
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Yay AJ!!!
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Amy Jo!!!!
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Thanks to all of you for being such a good support system for me. I could not have made it without all of you, even the newbees.
HUGS ALL AROUND
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Boomer, it looks like from your signature lines that you've had the works for your BC. Is there some specific reason you are worried about stopping the tamoxifen like family history? Forgive me if you've already answered this earlier, I'm too tired to go back and read. I think if you've done everything recommended treatment-wise, and want to take a break from the tamox, then you should. I would not think your risk would be "much higher". Ask your onc to explain the relative risks vs. the absolute risks regarding tamoxifen. There are also risks to taking it, such as uterine cancer. There is a discussion of risk here as well in the section called "understanding risk" on the main BCO page. The link is not pasting for some reason. Anyway, if you are in a good place to start a family, and your onc approves, it is up to you and your partner. You might check out the forum for Ladies in their 30's, I bet they have some good stories and info for you. You should NOT have to worry about things like this at your age, I agree. Cancer sucks.
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http://www.breastcancer.org/risk/understand/abs_v_rel Link working now, Boomer.
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Shells, I'm worried just because my mom died from metastatic breast cancer. Today actually marks 25 years since her passing. I'm planning on going out tonight to do something nice for myself. I doubt she would want me to wallow, though I want to wallow.
He did tell me my risk and what tamoxifen does for my risk of reoccurence. I'm feeling better about my decision. I really want to try to have a baby. More than anything, I want to be a mom. I grew up without a mom, and I want to experience that bond.
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somehow i lost this thread as one of my fav....since they changed the format im kinda mixed up(like i wasnt before lol)
AJ---such wonderful news....congrats.treat yourself to something nice...you sure deserve it.
Annette---nice to see you
to the newbe---Ill be prayin for ya.
hugggggggs everyone.grannydukes
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BoomersMom, I guess "family history" was a little bit of an understatement then, so sorry to hear about your Mom. Now I understand why you are so worried. I can understand your wanting to be a Mom as well. I wouldn't want to deny any woman that joy. I certainly hope you are cleared for motherhood! Did you get your period back after chemo? I was 43 when I went through it and haven't had a period now since May of 2010. I'm done with children so it's ok with me, but I hope better for you. Do the doctors say there a safe window of time between your treatments and trying to conceive?
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Boomer - the bond between mother and child is amazing and impossible to fully explain, so go for it girl. When you get to be my age you don't regret what you did, only what you did not do. Prayers are with you in whatever you decide to do. Keep us posted as most of us are grandparents and that is even a whole new experience of unexplainable love. Praying that you are with us a very long time and get to experience that too. Hugs to you sweetie. AJ
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So I talked with my oncologist last week, and he finally told me my percentages. I can't recall him ever giving me any stats or percentages, like he was always afraid of that very fact. I didn't have an Oncotype test, so I don't know my score there. But he did tell me that I had a less than 25 percent chance of a distant reoccurence, if I did nothing but the original surgery. Chemo decreased my odds, and Tamoxifen would decrease it even more, he said possibly down to 10 percent to 15. I mean, those are good odds, so now I don't know wha to do. My mom had difficulty conceiving (took years), though she did end up having 3 kids. If I do 2 years or even 3 years, that would put me at 34 to 35, and I don't even know if having kids are possible.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I have a tiny window to make my dreams come true, but it upps my risk. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
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Boomer - sounds like it is time to talk with your OB/GYN about your options and possibilities for conceiving. Maybe they can give you a clearer picture of what is possible concerning making your dream a reality. More information is always good. Sometimes it is better to live with your heart and not all the odds doctors tell you. My oldest daughter just had a baby last August and she was 40 and has a beautiful baby boy. Odds were not in her favor but we now have healthy robust Micah James. Beautiful red curly hair and all. Now she wishes for the energy to keep up with him. Big hugs to you sweetie and may all your dreams come true.
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AJ, I'm going to make an appointment today with a fertility specialist today to see if I could even have a kid. I've had problems with that in the past. If I could get pregnant naturally, that'd be awesome, but if he tells me that I need IVF or anything involving hormones, then nope. Not going to do it. I am really ER+, and I would not feel comfortable injecting hormones into my body. But the first step is just figuring out what my lady parts can do, haha.
I love that you all call me Boomer. She is the greatest dog ever. I got her while undergoing chemo, and she's been my constant companion since then. She's a lab/shepherd mix, and 85 pounds of pure love.
You all are pretty amazing. I wish I had started posting here after I was initially diagnosed.
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Boomer - What did the doc say? Have you been able to get in to see them yet? Have you considered adoption? Yes, they let women with cancer adopt babies. My prayers are with you sweetie. Remember we are all here for you no matter what you decide to do or not do. Keep us posted on what you find out and what you are considering or how you are feeling. Hugs and love to you.
I am getting ready to go see BarbA on Friday! I can hardly wait! I have packed three times already and keep changing my mind on what I want to take. The only thing that remains the same is the flip flops! What ever I have on Thursday night is what will go with me. I so need to see her and see how she is doing.
Well I think I will go head to be, it has been a big day today. Hugs to all. AJ
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AJ so glad the scans turned out good have a great time with barb.
Boomers AJ has given you good advance see a fertility specialist and look into adoption as well. We are also lumpectomy buddies.
I went to the PS last week and found out my reconstruction is not holding I will have to have more surgery. Disappointed but ok as I know God is in control of this journey and I have total faith in my PS0 -
Aj-how fun!!! Give Barbara a big fat hug from me k?
Sherry- so sorry you're having problems:( I'll be praying for you and know that it will all turn out
Big hugs
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Sherry, what is happening? I have a consult on Thursday with the PS.
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hi 2010 folks,havent posted in a while... has anyone checked in on GRANNYDUKES i know she lives in NJ....would hope she is OK!!!going thru divorce hence my abcence love to all...where is grannydukes hope she is OK...L.CATH
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Granny is alive well and kickin:)
Cat- my heart goes out to you buddy...been through the same thing this past year...ouch
BIG HUGS
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sherry - I am sorry to hear about the reconstruction troubles. I hope it is something simply corrected.
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