You know youre a cancer patient when....
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Hey Gill - here's a link:
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When a man states, "You look good" and you know it no longer means "you are hot", but rather "you don't look as bad as I expected".
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...when so many conversations on this thread have to do with constipation.....and what would I do without my colace, miralax and senna!!! when you keep hearing "you look great"...gee what did I look like before? cr**!!!! yup I probably did!!
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thanks badger
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...............................when your usual G.P's husband, who is her partner in the practice, asks what treatment you are on. Then, when you answer in medicalese, "Clodronate, a biphosphonate as in Bonefos and an Aromatase Inhibitor as in Arimidex," he asks you whether you are a Dr, pharmacist, or nurse! After impressing him with my intelligent reply, he then went off on a tangent about something in his rather thick Indian accent, which left me looking like an idiot because I couldn't understand a word he said.
Beware of trying not to look like anybody's fool, it could have the opposite effect of making you look like the village idiot.
Sheila.
P.S. I was so proud of myself for getting all those big words out without stuttering or mangling them, too.
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You know you're a cancer patient when you are so happy to have 2 boobs, that match even, that you have to stop yourself from opening up your shirt in front of your uncle in a crowded restaraunt. Yep, I almost did that yesterday at a family get together at a well-known and quite full local restaraunt.
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when you have a phone argument with a long time friend who blows up at you and tells you that your thinking is totally warped and you respond with 'it IS all about me now' and he hangs up on you after a long rant - you look at the phone and without any hesitation, go on about your business and feel amazed at how totally NOT stressed you are and giggle. Sad to possibly lose a friendship but then again, losing one that doesn't 'get it' may not be such a terrible loss afterall.
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You know you're a cancer patient when your PCP schedules you for your first screening colonoscopy and you immediately go home and start researching the possible complications, and the first question on your list for the doctor is "When will the results be in and when/how will I get then?"
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Hahahaha NativeMaine, you are so right. My first is schedule for 9/22. My paperwork says the doc discusses the findings with you in the recovery room. If there were any biopsy done, I guess you have to wait for those.
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Lowrider and Violiet7- ROFLMAO
....when you put makeup on your hair line and temples in case your scarf slips
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Oh, great the doc is going to discuss the findings with me when I can't remember what he says, and my mother's memory is getting so bad she won't remember what he says correctly. I have GOT to find another way to deal with this thing. . .
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.....is lying there topless in a CT room as someone is giving you 11 tattoos and thinking that I never thought I would want or even get one tattoo, and that if I ever had, this is definitely not the design I would have chosen........
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Very funny thread. Took me a few days to get through all the posts and I've laughed outload many times...
You know you're a cancer patient when the smell of hand sanitizer makes you sick (I don't have any food aversions just that smell)
You know you're a cancer patient when you have had so many IV's from surgery that YOU tell the anesthesiologist/nurse which vein to use.
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when you are so loaded from the benadryl you get with your taxol that you go go to pee and forget to pull your underwear down first! whoops!
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when you are upset because nobody has posted something new for you to laugh at.
When you use baby cornstarch for your deodrant.
When it looks like it snows when you take your clothes off because you skin is so dry from the cheom.
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...when you are out for your daily walk and see what you think is two girls and their mom running a lemonade stand, but it's really that they're raising money for a lady at their church who has breast cancer, and it touches your heart in a really personal way.
Not ha-ha funny but it made me feel good so thought I'd share. {{hugs}}
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I love all you funny ladies!
chrishat- I have tears running down my face from your panty on Benadryl comment! OMG, just hits my funny bone today!
You know you're a cancer patient when you drive your chemo pole more carefully than your car!
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Native Mariner and Fini: I go for a colonoscopy Friday; it's my 3rd since I have a family history. They tell you right then that everything was fine; or if they took out some small polyps. They can pretty much look at it and tell if anything is a problem so you know immediately.0
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How refreshing to get some results right away.
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when you go to the rad onco and the nurse asks you when you had your last period and you tell her.... yes June, not July. You try to explain you're on chemo and that's why you haven't had your period. Then, on the way home to pick up pre-chemo meds at Walgreen's, you decide OMG - what if I'm pregnant??? So, you buy a pregnancy test at Walgreens and take it while they're filling the scrips - Whew...NOT PREGNANT!!
when some woman on the freeway goes crazy and flips you off (I'm trying to get on the freeway, while she's getting off). You decide to give her a reality check by pulling along side her, honking your horn and pulling your wig off and point to your head! I hope she got the message... but my husband said "She probably thinks you're a crazy transvestite or something" LOL!!!
This was my week last week!!!
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I'm glad I'm not the only one. I grossed my granddaughter out about that very thing today. lol
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OMG, you ladies are absolutely hysterical. I have tears running down my cheeks. OK...
You know your a cancer patient when your dogs don't come because they have no idea who the bald headed person is who is screaming at them.
You know you are a cancer patient when your friends are buying stock in Gatorade!
Strangers give you a head 'nuggy.'
Use the "mobile drive shopping cart" for the first time at Harris Teeter and discover how much damage you really can do.
Everyone wants to give you lessons on 'attitude' bec that is the real cure for cancer.
You learn how to look interested in the latest conversation while thinking about the gallon of Haggen Daas at home.
Your farts make the dogs run for cover.
Chemo-brain becomes a four letter word! Repeated many times during the day, everyday, for months on end.
True story-The local cops are hitting hard with the "click it or ticket" campaign and they seized upon moi as the poster child for the tourists while I was driving thru Southern Shores-sort of like the Hamptons. SO three squad cars pull up with lights flashing like they don't know who I am anyway! SO, the cops stop me for not wearing a seatbelt and I grabbed my chest and shrieked but I have BC and cannot wear a seatbelt-The first cop bent over looking as if he would barf realizing I was sitting there with a bald head and realizing I might be telling the truth. I happened to have my Mammo PIX with me and pulled them out to give all a look-see. Then watch the cops do a chinese fire drill around the car bec I pulled out my CT scan from passengers seat to try to show them I am not lying. The gaggle of redneck cops surround my cardoor and "as though cancer is catching" throw a pink warning slip into my car. And in fear for my safety, they didn't give me a ticket but did give me a police escort to my house! Oh my neighbors just love me!
((((Big Hugs))) SV
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StillVerticle--WTG with the police! I am LOL at the mental picture I have! When I first started driving after my recon I couldn't wear the shoulder harness and had a pillow under the lap belt. I got pulled over by a local cop who also happens to go to the same church I do--her comment when she came to the car door was "I'm glad to see you're feeling better! Now that you can drive you'd better be in church Sunday or I will ticket you for not wearing your seatbelt. By the way, the new boobs look great!" Ah the joys of living in a small town.
Maybe we should see about getting signs to hang on our rear view mirrors--"Breast Cancer Patient, not able to wear seat belt, hormonally challenged and probably nauseated. Approach at your own risk."
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You know that you are a cancer patient when:
-you take disposable baby wipes and an extra change of undies and pants in case your aim is off and you dribble down your leg (and the seat) when you stop to have a pee at a public washroom-you now know what use hair "down there" has...
-you can pass the nurses 'on-line continuing ed quiz on PICC care and never opened a book ( I got 94%!)
-you meet a casual acquaintance and comment on how good her hair looks - it's a wig!(but it was a really, really good one). She promptly lifts up an edge as proof. Not to be outdone you lift up the edge of yours and then both go into an in depth conversation about Nioxin and compare notes
-you look at stuff that expires in 2014,2015 and wonder wistfully to yourself if it is going to outlast you as another "side effect" of treatment pops up
-you become an expert in camouflage - my favorite was covering up the loss of one eyebrow..How the he#@ does one keep a normal brow on one side, but on the BC side loose it entirely?
-you know where all the self help products are at the pharmacy - so much so that people mistake you for an employee as, without thinking, you can direct anyone to eye drops, bowel meds, vitamins and Advil
- you pull up sore on your BC side and panic, hoping that it is not a reoccurrence, and with the next thought remember that you brought in hay the whole day before...lifting 20 lbs? Try 50.
-you plan a trip and the first thing that you do is read the exclusions for trip cancellation coverage
-you run and answer the door for the visiting nurse, who is to change your PICC dressing, and look down at your chest and say matter-of-factly- "oops, forgot my boob" and go to the bathroom and stuff the foob as if it is matter of course ,while she doesn't know to laugh or cry
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Kitty and SV you two make me laugh so hard....love this thread.
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Ladies Let Your Freak Wigs Fly!!!!
anyhoo, mine is a little boring, but true. I pointed at the pile of towels at the pool and asked for a yellow one.
Except they are green, and always have been, and I've been going for two years. I walked away muttering damn chemo brain!
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- you hang your "hair" on a hook in a deparment store dressing room so it's easier to try on clothes. Then, you accidentaly knock your "hair" off the hook and it slides across the dressing room floor and under the divider! Luckily, it didn't go too far under and there was no one next door! Had to chuckle over that one. Gina
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NativeM-OMG, I am in hysterics over your cop story and I absolutely love the bumper sticker. We have to do it!! And hysterical-Squid, ah yes, chemo brain-well at least you made it to the pool!! And Gina, oh, i have so been there with a friend (i refused to wear a wig) but she knocked hers under the divider and made me get it. And Squid, next time bring your own yellow towel-teehee. Don't you just love it, people want to hug you but they don't know which side to grab then decide best not to grab anything bec it might fall off (includes wig, hat, boobs, etc). I just love you gals. My biggest chemo brain fart was when I took a reluctant David (who knew I was in lunatic mode) up to see the wild horses and ya have to drive thru lots o' water that is usually only about wheel deep. I drove into the lake and sank my SUV. Thank God for David bec I just sat there wondering why I was suddenly so freaking cold and my dogs were wet. David saved our asses while screaming that the water was so cold it knocked his balls into his brain. To this day, I am not sure where his 'nether regions' are. Just remember the great gift given us-we are the only people in the world who can hide our own Easter Eggs. TEEHEE! XXOO, SV
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA
ALWAYS knew the balls and brains were connected somehow! ehehhehehehe
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ROTFLMAO!!!!!!
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