You know youre a cancer patient when....
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when you want to scream as you listen to an preppy young onco at a talk on breast cancer tell us how encouraging it is that triple negative patients who took a new PARP in a recent trial lived 60% longer, because "lived" is past tense and you know she is talking about weeks, not years, Not a lifetime. Well it is encouraging but somehow, with all the pinkapaloosa going on there must be enough cash to find a cure. You want to ask if your friend can have some of that, please, and in a few months when it stops working will they have another miracle ready for her, please?
and when the speaker defines "cure" as meaning the patient, however briefly, has no evidence of disease, you want to get up and leave but you know that you would have to trip over people and you don't want to draw attention to yourself because you may start to cry... so you just cringe.
you can now identify the "survivors" in the room because they are not smiling or nodding appreciatively at her comments, they are shocked even though they, of all people, already knew the truth
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...when going to treatment is an adventure...let me tell you about the one episode of the 'stick from hell' day - OMG, a newly trained blood draw person - after 4 sticks and no success, called another - 2 more to get blood. And don't I get another new gal in the treatment room???? Oh yeah, 3 stick tries and out. Finally, here comes Katlyn to the rescue (one of my regular nurseys) - she couldn't keep from laughing at all the bandaids I had aquired and I was laughing right along with her because I knew she couldn't hold it in - anyway...one stick and off we went - it was a 10 stick day! I ended up going home with only two bandaids - one on my hand and one on my butt from the Faslodex.
There was a flip side day to that one - a one stick day - stick for blood draw and the treatment nurse was able to go in through the exact same stick (I don't count the butt shots...lol).
All other times - one stick for blood draw, one stick for infusion and now 2 shots in the butt. I am not going to get a port until if and when I have to resort to chemo - unless I start getting routine 10 stick days...LOL.
Smile...it will make people wonder what you are up to!
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when you are so afraid of 10-stick days that you nickname the person who is drawing your blood today, "Gentle Jim" or "Gentle Jane" to give him/her confidence
when the people at the lab know you will want a sticker on the way out even though they've never seen you with kids
Gail
Diagnosis: 6/26/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/4 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-0 -
Oh my gosh LowRider, I hate those days. My last trip I only had one stick and I was cheering when I left because those days are rare. Darla
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When you're doing a presentation at work and you can't recall words and resort to charades so the customer and your coworkers can help you fill in the gaps! CHEMO BRAIN IS REAL!!!
When you go on a business trip right before chemo and actually feel somewhat normal. Oh to really be normal....
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When you start showing people a "sneak peak" at your new fuzzy gray hair by peeling back your wig a little bit.
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when you are talking to your best friend that is 75 years old and she has to get off the phone and says - remember what we were talking about. i will call you back this afternoon.
you start laughing so hard because you know darn well that w/in the next 2 minutes you are going to forget and why are we supposed to remember anything to begin with?
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when you get a cut of notice for your water bill but you know good and well you paid the bill. You even check the bank records and yes it cleared the bank on time. Thanks to the sweet lady who understood chemo brain. Seems I enter somebody else's account number when I paid it. She just sweetly told me to be more careful when I pay it again.
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YKYACPW, You even ask your hubby what shirts he wants ironed for the week and still don't iron any but tell him you are sure you did. Must have been wishful thinking. Guess we'll have to be wrinkled this week. Just glad he still has shirts to wear and I have not lost or destroyed them yet.
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When you are out shopping and hear your name called by some one you went to college with. Not only would you not have recognized her but certainly wouldn't have ever come up with her name. Then she remembers all sorts of things about you and you wonder why? Then she remarks she had heard I was sick and I'm racking my brain trying to think who could have told her cause you didn't tell anyone you went to college with about BC. Turns out she was talking about something totally different and you didn't even remember you also have MS cause all you can think about is the BC.
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Stanzie - that's funny about your friend. I am always worried that I will forget the names of my work colleagues when introducing them to customers (and even friends that are not BC survivors that wouldn't understand).
YKYACP when you drop part of your dinner on your pants (food spills become a recent phenomenon), get mad, toss the food on the ground (probably because of steroid rage), clean it up and your pants and then go shopping at 8:30 at night.
Poor DH can't make heads or tails of me these days, but was incredibly patient with me. I text him to let him know I was okay and working out my frustation with "Retail Therapy" - He was excited to see the few items I bought at TJ Maxx, cleaned the dishes and did a load of laundry (whites, my most unfavorite load).
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Whites- me too! My DH is always running out of undershirts. (c:
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when you can't remember the last time you shaved
when a three year old walks up to you and says "look baby hair"
when the same three year old sees you the next week with a wig and says "WOW your hair grew fast"
(All true story's lol)
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When a woman comes up to you at the cancer center and gives you a big hug and says she's glad to see you are out of the hospital, asks how you are, blah, blah. When she walked off, I asked DH "who was that" and he said "she was your nurse at the hospital last week." The woman took care of me for days and I couldn't place her face!
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Bama, that happened to me after my surgery. The local AAA baseball Team had a game showing support for breast health awareness and donated money to the hospital to sponsor the mammo-mobile for a day of free mammos. This game was about 20 days after my surgery and my parents took me to the game. This one woman came up to me and said she was surprised to see me up and moving so quick after surgery. I had to ask her how did I know her, she laughed and said that she was my nurse.
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Stanzie... that sort of happened to me too! I was talking to someone whose kids went to elementary school with my kids and the first thing she said was how sorry she is and then hugged me... and we kind of talked around the issue until she asked me where my DH was living now. I said as far as I know he is still living in the same place... then she asked me where I am living... seems someone told her we got a divorce. Hmm, not sure where that came from... we've been married almost 20 years and most of our stress is going away to college next year and we're really looking forward to being alone in the house again within a couple of years... we have plans - vacations, loud sex, parties... Besides, who would leave his wife while she is in treatment? Of course, she couldn't remember where she heard the rumor.
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I kept running into the pharmacist in our area, but could never place her until a few weeks ago. She knew my name and everything..feel like an idiot.
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when you DH asks you for one of his Xanax and you give him one of your steroids insrtead!
when you forget to brush your teeth before leaving for work. I used to do my hair and then brush my teeth last thing before leaving for work. This morning I wore a hat, I checked my hat in the bathroom mirror, turned off the light and left. I realized it half way to work, had to stop at Walgreens and buy toothbrush and toothpaste! Sheesh!!
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Dawn, that is why I kept a toothbrush, toothpaste, and dental floss in my desk when I was working.
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when you go out with a friend for some retail therapy, knock into a manaquin and apologise to it, feel ill and dizzy in a shop,start to cry coz you cant find said friend,then cry coz you cant remember where your car is parked,and come home with nothing....i used to love shopping, now i just think whats the point...whatever i wear i look crap in it, n no matter how nice your wig or hat is its no substitute for your real hair, i feel like a troll when i go out with my fashionable friends,so now i dont bother...gettin sick of living half a life xx
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blossom-Well, at least you weren't rude to the mannequin! Sorry, but apologizing to the mannequin made me LOL! This too will pass, dear girl. You know, and I know that all those "fashionable" looks aren't what's most important. Just get healthy and the good looks will come back.0
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blossom, I feel for ya girl! Had lots of days like that. Sending you big ((((hugs.))))
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thank u both xxxx
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Blossom, this won't last. You'll look better and feel better about yourself soon. During and for the first few months after chemo, all I needed was a lightbulb and I could have doubled as Uncle Fester.
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Firni: Me too!
YKYACP when you look like Uncle Fester and dreaming about looking like Cousin It.
*edited to add: Blossom, I hope you're feeling better. We all have bad days and "gettin sick of living half a life." You describe the feeling beautifully. I just hope that one day you will look back and realize that apologizing to a mannequin is hilarious!
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when you ask your husband which shirts he needs ironed, and then you wear them yourself!
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YKYACPW - you can't remember what you are doing and when you do and actually get there then can't figure out how to get into the parking lot so you just go home -
You cry whenever you take a shower and wonder how you could be the person who doesn't take a shower everyday and put on make up everyday even if you aren't leaving the house.
When everything no matter how big or small feels like a huge boulder that you have no idea how to deal with it.
When friends are sweet to you and then you feel terribly guilty about needing help....
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OMG ferni, where did you find uncle fester!! What a hoot! And Blossom, it will be OK, someday!!
.....after a year of growth, my hair is finally touching my ears and it is driving me nuts. I never thought I'd do this, but I am going to get it cut!!
.......your cute new spiky hair look turns into old lady grey hair, mop flop within a week and the terror arises that truly I am not and never was patient enough to get thru the "hair growing' stage!
......when you 'drift into the ozone' in walmart and realize that you are the one causing the three isle back up. HUGS, SV
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LOL ladies!! This observation is based on real-life experience:
YKYACP when you know that women going through chemo and pregnancy have a lot in common. You both:
* carry around food at all times to ward off nausea
* believe your mental capacity is slightly diminished
* pack meds for constipation, diarrhea, and heartburn
* are off certain food and drink you used to love
* have increased sensitivity to taste and smell
* are forbidden from alcohol and aspirin
* have food cravings
* are prone to acne
* have hair issues
* have sore feet
* have swollen ankles esp when you've been on your feet too much
* are likely to gain weight irrespective of actual food consumption
* are photosensitive - eyes to the light and skin to the sun
* and neither of you will have a period for the foreseeable future! LOL!! {{hugs}}
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Badger, so true but the biggest difference is when pregnant, you know there is an end in sight AND there is a terrific prize (beautiful baby) at the end of the journey...I would rather be pregnant.
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