Great saying about depression
Comments
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Like Kate and others have expressed, I hope this thread can move back to where it was before this detour. I just wanted to say that like most people on this thread, I interpreted MBJ's post very differently than Miss Bianca and did not see it as being offensive to anyone. I read the frustration as being at the woman being self-absorbed and going on and on about her social life. I don't know MBJ personally, but we are on a number of threads together, and I know she would never write something that she thought would be offensive to anyone. I just wanted to publicly thank MBJ for all her help and support (esp. on the Exchange City thread). Thanks, MBJ! I hope you continue to feel safe here.
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Ladies, thank you for all of your support! It's so funny, it never occurred to me that I had the luxery of just ignoring comments that are offensive to me. MsBianca can do the same. I will continue to come here as this has become a place to talk about depression and the after effects of cancer with a very supportive group of women who have become very dear to me. BCO is a great lifeline for me and I am sure for others, too. (((((Group Hug)))))
LG300: How is your job hunting going now that we are in the new year? I know that you posted about this towards the end of the year. Is it getting any easier?
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(((((Group Hug!!!)))))
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I was one who read MJB's post differently so feel party to blame for setting off the stream of vitriol we are currently getting from a NEW member.
MissB, it doesn't seem that it was the lumpectomy that caused your discomfort and stress, but the other treatments you received. I suggest you invest in a very, very good doctor to deal with your emotions and enable you to get over yourself so you can move on in life. If your marriage is not doing well because your breast is deformed, then I have to say that it wasn't much to begin with. Now I'm really pissed!!!!
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No Barb, my marriage is rebounding, but unfortunately DH didn't respond well to chemo, to put it mildly, which was neoadjuvant.
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Barbe: Please just ignore this member as she is getting what she wants from this--a rise out of everyone. She is using this site as a place to unleash her anger, it is best to just ignore her as she is obviously not wanting to play nice. Hugs.
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PS: There isn't any blame here, just one person's interpretation which they are entitled to but not to upset and anger everyone else here!
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Hmmm, wish I had an "Ignore button" for some other people in my life! Thanks for the tip, MBJ!
So I got over a major hurdle- I finally got the courage to apply for a job. Not sure if I'm ready or not but I guess I'll never know unless I try. Now my stomach is in knots wondering if I'll be called for an interview. It took me awhile to hit the send button and send my resume out into cyberspace. The whole BC thing has caused my self confidence to take a major hit. One thing about a new job is that no one there would know I had BC or a MX which would be kind of nice. I guess I'd feel a little more normal- whatever that is.
Hope you lovely ladies have an amazing weekend!
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My marriage is doing very well, my DH really stepped up to the plate, but he had to as he has 3 brain tumours and I am the bread winner. My double mast was the fastest way to get me back to work. I haven't had time for a melt-down yet, and think that's why I keep coming to this board. So he does the cooking and groceries. I come home to a meal and a hug. It's the best I could ask for. A bit of financial relief might be nice, but then maybe I'd have my melt-down. You know how it is, we go on and on, just like the Duracell batteries, and then when we have a break, we can't start up again!
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MBJ - The job search is going ok. I had a few interviews over the last few weeks with a nonprofit organization I'm very interested in. We'll see what happens. I'm also considering going back to the private sector (I moved over to the nonprofit sector a few years ago). If I can find the right nonprofit job with an organization whose mission I really support (and with a salary where I can afford to live in NY), I'd like to stay in nonprofit. But after going through so much of my savings over the last 9 months, I may return to the private sector. I'm talking with a couple people from my former firm next week.
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I'm finding a need to change my job too, but don't see a postion that pays more out there! Where did all those jobs go and why is everyone hanging on to them!!!!!
I am at 100% commission sales and would love to have the security of a steady income. I don't know where to look as I've been in sales for 30 years.....sigh. How do y'all find those jobs? People you know??
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Kate: LOL! Oh to have ignore in real life-Ha! Congratulations on sending out your resume--that is a huge step! Me, I cannot imagine going back to work until I get my body back into some semblance of shape. Getting out of bed is an ordeal as I now feel 90 years old since chemo. You will do just fine!
I cannot imagine going back to my old job--one it was an abusive situation but two, I would feel as if I would never be able to move on. I put in 8 years there and I am so not wanting to ever have to go backwards so much so that I am thinking about even maybe changing careers. My field is in a huge recession, but I am not sure what I would be qualified to do if I were to change careers and I was really good at what I did before, just my heart isn't in it. I have a little bit of time to figure it out as I am on unemployment and really, not much out there when I do look. I hope you have great success in finding a new job--The first of the year is always the best time of year to look as it's when people have their new budgets for the year. Hugs.
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MBJ I think it's really important to love to go to work. When I stop loving going to work then I move on. I've had a ton of jobs, but I'm always happy to get up and go. What did you used to do?
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(((((((((Group hug)))))))))))) Oh, the love and support just warms my heart. Some people can't take being called on their offensiveness, can they? It flips them out, and they try to turn the tables.
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barbe- So sorry to hear about your DH! I knew he was ill from another thread but I had no idea the extent of it. You guys sounds great together, though, and seem to be making the best out of a incredibly hard situation. (((hugs))) As far as finding jobs, I've got email alerts out from about every job website out there. (Indeed.com, Careerbuilder.com, etc. Do you have those up there?) I get a lot of "misses" that have nothing to do with what I'm looking for but every once in awhile there's something that might work. Just never had the courage to apply before now.
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barbe1958 you have so much on your plate. I am glad you are here and when you have your melt down and I am sure some day it will hit, we will be here for you.
Kate how cool about the job application. That is so awesome!
Well I am so glad we are back to caring and supporting. I was explaining to someone the other day that BC has taught me to weed out toxicity in my life.
I am seeing a couple that I have not seen in over a year. They are so nice and I just told them two days ago about my BC and bilateral. mx and all the complications. We don't get together very often because they live about an hour away. Not that far as that use to be my daily commute one way before I started working from home and traveling
We are going to try to be better. Anyway I am kind of nervous about seeing them. I always feel like when I have told people which is not very many, the first time I see them their eyes go right to my chest. I know it is totally a normal reaction. But it makes me a bit uncomfortable. Usually I just get it over with and say well here's the new me. Do you sometimes just have a sadness at how life is changed. Not tears or can't get out of bed sadness but just this layer that underlies your day. That is how I am today. I am functioning fine and all but just sad.
Peace my cyber friends.
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Determined- That's definitely how I'm feeling, too- great description. It's like I'm wearing this gray, heavy, scratchy sweater I can't shake off. I wonder if others can see the sadness? If I've changed as much to them as I feel I have to myself or am I a really good actress? It gets exhausting, though, trying to hide it away. That's why I treasure all of you for giving me a safe place to share those feelings. Today the sweater feels a little less heavy and scratchy.
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I had that sadness yesterday really bad. I took this week off to use up lieu days and because I couldn't afford any gas until I got paid today!! Pretty sad. We were short on our mortgage by $1.12 so we sold a dehumidifier that cost us $200 for $20 to put a bit of gas in the car and cover the overdraft. At least I'm losing weight.....sigh. Didn't get dressed for 4 days then realized I was missing my night time antidepressant med! Got that back on track, so here's hoping my mood picks up.
Anyway, I worry that there's nothing else to come. This is it. This is as good as it gets. That scares me. I think of people who are retired and doing well, no worry about money and golfing and playing in the sun....sigh. Then I see young people with the excitement of marriage, new home, babies and think I'll never have that again. I had 2 grandsons born in September and another one in March, but I don't see them enough to make me feel a part of their lives....
So yah Determined, I get it.
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Barbe: That is so interesting--your situation now is what mine was right before my diagnosis. My DH who also is incredibly supportive and very much there for me, had been out of work for over a year and he is now the bread winner and I am on unemployment! I think the stress of having an abusive work situation and not being able to quit is part of why I got cancer in the first place. I felt as if I were trapped and there wasn't any way out of my situation. For 4 years my boss constantly "fired" me except that he was really just trying to get me to quit, but I had built up his business from nothing and I felt such a huge obligation to my clients and with the economy tanking I knew I couldn't change jobs and still bring in the kind of money I had been used to making. I worked in sales but in the interior design industry selling flooring, window coverings, remodels, you name it--anything to do with interiors and I had my hands on it in both commercial and residential projects. I built my old employer's business from being a $250,000 a year business into a multi million dollar business but his entire focus was not on the business but that he felt he was paying me too much money! And he never paid me what he owed me all at once--I had a cap--so that even when the economy tanked I was still making decent money because he owed me a back log of commisions for almost two years!
Anyway, with the depression, I can't seem to sell anything and could care less about it. I am burned out and until I can get past the point of feeling like it's useless to try again....I feel like people just use you to make money--so many in my industry did the same for their employers and then their territories were cut or redistributed or given back to someone who was there longer then them. Just don't think I could do an all commission job now. You are a really strong an amazing woman--all of us are!
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barbe1958 do you have a web cam. Last year with constant complications my daughter would email me a picture of my new grandson every day almost. For one brief moment I smiled spontaneously and felt joy. For Christmas they gave us a web cam so we can see him in motion. We haven't set it up yet and my dau said we have to this weekend.
I don't know how you are holding up with all you are facing. I think with jobs it is networking amost exclusively anymore. Seems like you have to know someone who knows someone. Three years ago my daughter lived in MI and is a high school science teacher brand new but still HS science! Anyway she applied for a job ........ along with 300 other applicants. She and her husband moved to a different state so she could get a teaching job. Straight commission is so hard. Would be great if you love sales to be able to get a base plus commission wouldn't it.
It has to get better for all of us. It just has to. We are vibrant strong wonderful women with a lot to offer ourselves and others. Hey I wonder if you could connect with a non profit like some others are trying to do to fundraise or program development or something. If you can sell you could fundraise don't you think or are they to different?
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Fund raising is different. You have to know corporations and a good network. I'm more like MBJ, I sell directly to the customer. I sell furniture and appliances and thought it couldn't get worse as I am working at one of the least expensive places there is! I think it's like Three-Rooms or something that you guys have in the US. It had been easy to sell as our prices are great, as the economy has worsened, people that would never darken our doors have come in, but it's still a tough haul. My pay today is about $1,000 less than I expected. I ALMOST had my meltdown today!
MBJ you are smart to not try sales when you don't want to. You and I both know that you would sink like the Titanic. That's one thing about sales, you always have to be "on". You can never have a bad day or you might as well stay home! What are you thinking of going into? Did you get any contacts while working for the idiot? Acutally, as he owes you so much, you've done well, and it's probably been better for your taxes.....but it would have affected your unemployment payments unless you guys have a cap like we do here. Unemployment wouldn't cover my mortgage and car so that is not an option though I could get short-term disability through work but that only pays 55% of my income! If I'm struggling now, how can I do that? It's truly do or die.
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barbe1958 the stress must be incredible. I have been through lay offs a couple of times and my stomach always hurt. Are you actively looking for something else? I will keep all who are looking for jobs in my prayers.
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Determined, yes I have been actively looking and in fact have had 2 interviews. One last Friday where he told me he'd call me Monday. When he didn't call I emailed him. He emailed back to ask what number he could reach me at. I gave him my home number. No call. So yesterday, 3 days later I called him. He said I was obviously desperate and as I was pushing for an answer he was going to pass! Thanks asshole!!!!
I emailed him back and apologized for my enthusiasm coming through as desperation and encouraged him to contact me if anything came up in the future. He emailed back saying "thanks for that". I think he might have felt a bit like the asshole he was. But, it would have DOUBLED my salary....at least. I probably could have worked in a guarantee as someone who left my company a year ago did with him.....sigh.
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Barbe: I signed an agreement that says I cannot go after his clientele but ironically some of his clientele has come to me! I also have a few designer friends who can send me work, but the thought of going into business for myself is just overwhelming although I wouldn't have to work so hard. This is why I want to get counseling--to help me work through this so I can make some kind of decision. I do get the maximum for unemployment but if I didn't hve my DH's income, I would surely be sinking as it's just enough to cover the phone, credit cards, excesse medical bills and food. He pays the rent and all of the extras. If I went on full time disability which is impossible to get unless you are stage IV, which thank goodness I am not, I would only get about $300 or less a week.
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MBJ what if you started with just "one" project. Just one. Finish it. Then do just "one" more. Don't dig yourself in or overwhelm yourself. It's not so bad to not do "one" project rather than fail doing SIX!!
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Barbe: Great advice, thank you!
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Yikes!!! Not advice!! I don't give advice! I give thoughts....gentle, good-to-you thoughts.....
Plus, you can make SOME money while on unemployment can't you?
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Ok I can't read and say nothing...the last two pages literally gave me anxiety!! Whew!
Personally I've chatted privately with MBJ & Kate on other threads with Barb and Determined and have found all of you absolutely wonderful, funny, supportive and kind. I have appreciated the moments you've made me laugh and the times you had given me advice when I was on the verge of losing it. SO thank you!
MBJ I felt like total crap after chemo, like I was 102! Every joint in my body ached. I tried everything than finally did Acupuncture which was AMAZING! I did 5 sessions and after treatment 3 I could get out of bed without pain. After the last two treatments I have had no joint pain at all. I truly felt like my old self for the first time since diagnosis. I tried every supplement or pill nothing worked. Having all those body aches is completely depressing!! Once I felt better I hit the gym, take my puppy to the park and I finally feel I am ready to get back to life. I start work up again on Monday and looking forward to it. Although Im sad about putting my puppy in doggie daycare. I don't know how all those working mom's do it...I have a new found respect for new mom's!!
Barb Sorry you seem to have so much on your plate. I used to think that I had it harder because I was single but after reading what so many people have been through in this rotten economy and through other illnesses I realize it can be double the problems. Sometimes I guess we trade one problem for another.
This message was not written with the intent to start a debate or riot merely express my opnion nor was it written to offend anyone taking supplements for joint pain or single BC gals....or married BC gals..or women who don't like the word GALS...or men who might be reading this thread..
Have a lovely evening ladies...
Diane
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Oh One last thing....If I am ever upset by a post I will PM the person directly to resolve any hurt feelings or conflicts...unless you have ignored me and then I will not.
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DiDel: Lol! It gave us all anxiety, hence, thank goodness for Ignore and thank you for the support. I have never tried accupuncture and not sure if it's affordable while on unemployment.
Barbe: If you work while on unemployment they deduct everything you made:(
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