Great saying about depression
Comments
-
Thanks Barbie7 and don23- I think being a flight attendant is the best job out there! 3-4 days off a week, a uniform so no work clothes to think about, great scenery out your "office window", lots of alone time in hotel rooms for bubble baths and room service and if you don't like your co-workers you usually only have to put up with them for a month! (And if you don't like a passenger they're usually out of your life in about 5-6 hours tops! LOL!) I'm pretty optimistic. The hard part will be starting at the bottom of the seniority list again which means weekends, holidays, etc. Oh well, the price you pay...0
-
Kate - good luck on the group interview, looks like your half way there.
Welcome new commers - we help each other out her.
I have been off for a while due radiation burns, I have two more reg tx then the 5 boost to get through. I am going to stick with it. The RO perscribed the silver cream to put on and it has helped see a big difference from last week. As with all of you I would not wish this desease on my worst enemy as it can suck the life out of you.
0 -
kate good luck you will be great
barbie7 if you are willing to share I would love to hear what the therapist thinks you need to do. We could all try it
mjbmiller so sorry about the radiation burns. You are brave and smart to stick with it.
I see the oncologist first part of March so will talk with her then. Do I ask for a PET scan?
sorry for the pain you ladies with MS and fibromyalgia are dealing with. Chronic pain is so very wearing.
take care
0 -
Determined....I love what you said....I miss that in me too...and don't know how to get it back....
0 -
Just had a most horrendous day. My friend was visiting - hadn't seen her in two years. She called a couple of times after I had surgery but not much contact. So she came to visit on Tuesday and had plans with other friends other nights so today and tonight was our chance to catch up. So this morning we start and are talking and she immediately says you have so much anger and come up with reasons for not doing things. - Now she is finally in a great relationship after a couple of years of being totally upset and in tears over other relationships which I supported her in. So I quickly thought Ok can't talk about anything that isn't going great. So that is what I did and everything went well during the day. Then we went to dinner and I guess I felt comfortable and started talking to her about how awful this year was and she just didn't want to hear any of it and said you just need to see a therapist. Well maybe I do but we had talked about how I hadn't had any friends around this year to talk to and why on earth couldn't she have just supported me and or listened. Instead it just felt like a slap in the face that she can deal with any of my problems and doesn't want to hear anything. So do we just not get to talk about it cause no one understands or wants to understand? I was so hurt. And then she comes in and says how she tried to help me and then starts to cry cause I'm the horrible one. I'm the mean one who hurt her cause she was trying to help. Well, all I wanted was someone to talk to - why is that so horrible? I just don't understand. With everything I have listed to with her I really thought she would be someone I could talk to. Why with everything else now I'm this totally screwed up person cause I'm not OK with everything that I'm not done with being upset and that I'm not just so happy to be alive. I'm just so tired of all this..... Sorry long vent. Just needed to get this out. I'm just so hurt by her and now I'm supposed to feel guilty on top of everything else cause I'm upset her by calling her on it by asking why she just couldn't listen and support me. Alright I'm done. Thanks.
0 -
((((Stanzie))))): I am so sorry that your friend could not offer you the support you have offered her. I am glad at least that you could come here and get it out where you are always supported. Big hugs! I feel as if we have all come back from war and no one else was in the ditches with us while we were trying to survive and we here we are still dodging bullets with all we have been through. I don't talk about it much with friends unless they bring it up. I just feel safer with all of you.
0 -
I can only say so much to friends and that's it. I can't even bring it up with my mom. I feel safe only on this board to pour my heart out. I am dealing with a lot of anger issues and my medication is no longer the answer. I need counseling. I don't have the money to pay for what the insurance doesn't cover... cancer bills ate that up. I talk to 2 counselors on the phone (free through insurance). They are going to try to hook me up with a professional that will take me for less. No one prepared me for this side of the cancer treatments. (sigh!)
0 -
Stanzie- I'm sorry your friend hurt you. The sad part is I hear this same story again and again. I swear people have forgotten how to be a good friend. They've become self-centered narcissistic self-absorbed twats! I think with all we've been through it's hard not to take it personally but I really don't think it's about you at all. I finally realized that the crappy friends in my life have always been crappy friends but I was willing to take the scraps they offered. When I was no longer willing to put up with the lop-sidedness of our relationship their true colors began to shine through. My oldest (and what I thought was my best) friend went completely and totally MIA during my treatment. When I finally told her how hurt I was she defended herself by saying she was going through her own personal challenges. (They consisted of her daughter moving out and her son going off to college so basically empty nest syndrome. Let's see- a normal human event, your children leaving home, and a MX. Yep, they're pretty much equally devastating. I personally would rather be alone than have friends like that. The funny thing is I never would have been able to say that (and back it up) before BC. I guess you have to ask yourself is your friend bringing anything to the table for you. Is there more good than bad, frustrating, aggravating, etc? I discovered with a few of mine that it was all work and aggravation and no fun. (Kind of like motherhood sometimes!) It just wasn't worth it and I deserved more. So do you.
0 -
Kate: So sorry to hear about your friend, too. I have always found that my friends all have their pluses and minuses. Some are great for a heart to heart, some are great for having a party, some are wonderful to go shopping with, but it's a rare individual who can just be present! I have found in my life that everyone is just so busy all of the time and it can take an hour to drive 5 miles in Los Angeles. Everyone here is just stressed out and overwhelmed most of the time. Funny thing is, people who I hardly knew came forward and people I have known for years disappeared but I just didn't have the time to take it personally. My entire focus and energy was fighting this, going to dr. appointments, having surgeries, going to chemo. I read somewhere that if we want friends to help and participate, the only way we can get their help and participation is by asking them to do things they already enjoy doing and are good at. For instance, if someone loves to cook, ask them to make a meal, or if they love to drive or run errands, ask them to take you to your apppointments, or if they are good with pets, ask them to help out in that way. The most important thing that I learned form this article is that no one, not even our husbands can be there in every way that we need.
Over the years I have learned that we can't always get what we want from the people we want to get it from. I have let people go in my life that most people can't even imagine doing. I cut off my family from my life when I was quite young because of the manipulative, negative, controlling, toxic effects that it had on my life and it was the healthiest thing I ever did. When my mother passed away a few years ago and I had to see my family, although brief, just being around them for a few hours again felt so toxic and life depleting--they are horrible to me--that it just re-confirmed my original decision to stay away.
Here's to finding new friends and family who "get" us and love us and understand us. So many of you have become "family" to me that I have never had and I am just so grateful for all of you! Big hugs!
0 -
MBJ- I'm sorry your family had such a negative effect on you but admire your bravery in jettisoning them. It's taken me 50 years to have the courage to cut those kind of relationships out of my life or at least to scale back my exposure to them. I always think how nice it would be to have a big circle of friends that you do everything with (kind of like a "Friend's" episode) but I wonder if those kind of relationships really exist or is that just in tv shows and movies? It seems these days that friendships end up somewhere on the bottom of the "to do" list for most people. I'm so grateful for this site, and all of you, too!
For some reason I have woken up in a terrible funk today. My DH left for work (3 day trip) my DS is off with friends and here I sit trying to muster the tiniest iota of energy to get something accomplished today. Just don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel so tired. I saw extreme fatigue described as exhaustion in every dimension- physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. That pretty much sums it up. And I keep wondering- am I depressed because I don't feel well or do I not feel well because I'm depressed?
0 -
Kate - 4 years ago I would have said that Friends like the show do exist. Now I don't think so. But for 24 years I was very close friends with 5 friends from collge. We got together all the time for lunch, dinner and went on trips together. Then I guess I screwed it all up. I got divorced. Two friends decided that I shouldn't get divorced??? (no still do not begin to understand this) now I see really only one of those friends on a regular basis and the two who decided I wasn't to get divorced - obviously don't see them anymore.
My friend last night who I had the fight with told me I was depressed and a negative person.I called up one friend I went on a trip with over Christmas and another who I see fairly regular and asked them what their honest opinion was on how I was handling everything and they were very postive and uplifting! So then I started thinking back on some of the things she said and one came flying down at me! She told me after I was first diagnosed about a friend of hers who was diagnosed with BC and was scheduled for MX. but decided to send off the results to another pathologist who determined she didn't have BC at all. I also sent my results off for a second opinion came back same as the first. Then of course you get the pathology after the surgery. Well since that initial time she has brought up that story at least to other times and again on this visit.
Now I'm wondering..... does she think maybe I don't have cancer and I just had a double MX by choice? It does make me wonder why she keeps telling me this story like she doesn't belive me. I don't know the whole thing is just awfully upsetting.
Have I heard from my sisters who told me I wasn't appreciative enough of their help after surgery? Have they ever asked how I was doing/? What is it with people? Heaven's I hope I never act this way toward another person. So not feeling well because of depression or the other way around. I'd vote yes to both!!! And boy do we have total rational reasons to feel this way! I just sent off an email to her.... I did read it over twice but hope I was thinking straight!
0 -
Stanzie- I noticed when I got divorced I had to make a whole new group of friends. I think they thought I was contagious or something and there were those that thought I shouldn't have left my husband. Then when I remarried a few of them decided to "allow" me back into the group again. It's so strange. Why does my marital status determine what kind of friend I can be? I've noticed, too, that like divorce there are friends who have decided to either agree or disagree with my treatment choices. (Even though I try to tell them that the final pathology report showed that I would have been right back in for a MX if I had chosen lumpectomy.) I think it all comes down to them wanting to be reassured that it can't happen to them. That we chose MX for no good reason and they'll never have to make that choice. They can't wrap their brains around the fact that we did everything right (breast exams, mammograms, etc.) and we still lost our breasts. I've realized it's their own fear that is talking but it still doesn't excuse them from being crappy friends.
0 -
Kate, when you are a single divorcee, you are a danger to married women. They are afraid you will take their husbands away!
0 -
IMHO, If they have that fear, they don't have a solid marriage from the start. Haven't posted in a while but having a funk day. Went for chemo, can't really feel my toes/fingers, just numb. Feeling generally lousy today and I'm angry. Read the posts yesterday and saw the woman who left behind a very small child. I'm angry at everyone, what the hell is happening that all these women are dying??? With all our technology today, why can't the powers to be get this disease under control? Where is all this money going to? There are millions of dollars, with researcher in this speciality, why couldn't they save this woman, why does her darling daughter have to live with this the rest of her life. Then I get into the whole feeling sorry for myself, I want to beat this disease and live to see how my children turn out, see my 50th wedding anniversay, retire. Then I feel guilty, I saw 20+ years of my children and this women saw 5? What the hell is wrong with this picture? How can I make a difference?
(Sorry ladies, I had to vent today, maybe the steroids?)
Maureen
0 -
Kate: I have gone through what you described when I was just in the dating world! People can be so awful. When I was single, married women were horrible to me and I wanted nothing to do with their husbands! I agree, that they are so afraid that their husband will cheat and they make you the target. I had male friends in my pre-married days who were married and cheated all the time--why anyone would put up with this, I have no idea.
Maureen: I feel the same way! It's just wrong. Hugs.
0 -
When I was between marriages all my "friends" dumped me until I had hooked up again. Then I dumped them! Friend....yah, right!
0 -
Maureen- Vent away! Everything you wrote is exactly the way I think. Sometimes I think the whole pink ribbon, Susan Koman thing is just a publicity stunt. It seems they spend more time researching how to put us back together again than preventing BC in the first place.
So the married friends don't want to be around us in case our divorce rubs off on them and our healthy friends don't want to be around us in case our BC is contagious. Hmm, I'm starting to empathize with how lepers must feel.
0 -
Kate: You really just summed it up, didn't you?
0 -
MBJ- At least we can all be in a colony together! :-D
0 -
I'll be in the colony just so long as it is a tropical island with resort free of charge. (should be after all the paid and suffering we have to go through)
0 -
...and free massages!
0 -
Say I think I'm getting to be OK with this colony!!! As far as my friend's husbands - well ick. They can certainly keep them..... Really haven't ever had a friend whose husband I thought was really great - now that is pretty sad. Or perhaps cause all their disclosures on said hubby makes them less attractive.
But yes I do find it hard to make and keep friends these days and I'm not great at small talk but then I'm finding out those who think they are so good aren't really either.... I wish I was funnier or at least could remember funny things....
0 -
Stanzie- You are funny! Loved the "well ick" comment. I was thinking the same thing! After years of hearing about every lousy thing their loser husbands did I would suddenly find them all irresistible? I had finally gotten rid of mine. Why would I want theirs?
As far as the colony goes- free massages, facials, Pina Coladas and maybe a little lipo thrown in! We'll call it Fantasy Island. And anyone who had let us down during treatment gets fed to the sharks. While we watch. As we drink those Pina Coladas. :-)
0 -
Stanzie - I am quite like you. I find it nearly impossible to meet new people because I am not good at small talk either nor am I funny. I am pretty much a quiet person. What's a girl to do given these circumstances?
Kate - I like the colony we are creating here!
0 -
Today is a terrible day for me. I saw this in "active" topics and will continue to read as it speaks to me. I am asking for prayers or thoughts. My husband actually told me last night he is tired of me "using as an excuse" my 5 surgies in the past year, and it causing instant menapause when i asked him to give me a break. Can men really ever know what this is all about? I honestly don't think I am that "high maintenance" but I do appreciate not working and being on his insurance. I am crying in pain (hip) right now and STILL have hot flashes, and thought I had a semi advocate in my husband but now I know I don't. I will get through this with a little help from my friends. It is hard to separate the real recovery from the baseline stresses....throw in a teen who plays mom against dad and guess who is harder on him to make good choices? I am glad to be diagnosed early but that becomes the priority and your family has to be ready and accepting or else. I have learned that you know who your true friends are and how the school system helps or further hurts. OK, off my rant, and thanks for listening.
0 -
Great first rant!! You done good!
0 -
MRDRN- I'm glad you found us because I think it helps so much to see that other women are feeling the same as you. This is such a complicated disease. There are emotional issues on top of physical ones especially when treatment has caused menopause as it has for so many. Your husband can be the greatest guy in the world and I don't think he will ever understand. For most of them they just want it to be over and they want their wife back. Unfortunately, for a lot of us, that's not happening any time soon if ever. But their instinct is to fix things and hate it when they can't. (Most of them think once you have recon it's fixed!) We know what a long struggle this all is, though, and we're here for you. We've been there, we are there and probably will be there for awhile so vent away! Glad you posted. (((Hugs)))
0 -
Just peeked at this site yesterday! As bad/sad as depression is, you all have a good take with the humor intertwined!
Kate...where in Mesa do you live? Son lives there and I'll be visiting there soon!
Denise
0 -
Kate Good luck on your interview!! That's exciting..getting back to work has been great for me, work is my therapy. Sorry about your hubby, I hope he doesn't get grounded. Geesh a lot to deal with at once.
MRDNR Sorry about your hubby, I know when you don't feel good the absolute last thing you need is someone coming down on you. Have you tried acupuncture for your menopause aches and pains?? When I was going through chemo I had terrible joint pain and night sweats. I did several sessions of acupuncture and was amazed at how well it worked. Plus it helped me to destress and sleep better. Worth a try ..I highly recommend it.
Hope everyone is having a good week,..TGIF!!!
Diane
0 -
neesie- I live just outside Mesa city limits to the northeast. We have 2 acres of desert scrub! LOL! Where does your son live?
DiDel- Thanks! Glad to hear things are going well for you. You are I were diagnosed about a month apart so feels like we've been on this "journey" (they make it seem like a trip to Paris or something!) together. I do think getting back to work will help. Just hate the whole "starting a new job, being the clueless new person" thing. Let's just say I have a hard time with change! LOL!
0
