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Great saying about depression

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Comments

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited July 2011

    Well I have gone to talk to several dr's on fixing my breathing problems and some to fix my breast and all say nope not covered by insurance. Now found, power bill, insurance going up 100.00 a month! and property taxes going up 26% due to mis-management of funds! Even though property values have gone down... well to tell the truth I don't dare actually know how much! So been very sad and depressed..... just want to hide and hope it is all over soon....

    So I've decided to do nothing for a while and try and muddle through and budget and see where I am in a month or two. Never been good with this whole budget thing... Should have been alright had I not gotten divorced! Well, not much one can do about that one. 

     Anyway, Kate, I must say that post you copied about the man who had prostrate cancer - well, it so fits so much and it is beautifully said. I don't know thinking if I had more energy it might be easier to get to get out of this funk....

    On a good note, my son is finally back from camp which is so wonderful! Even though, he  had trouble with some kids in his cabin who fought with each other luckilymy son wasn't involved with them.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited July 2011

    Stanzie, I know what you mean about just stopping and breathing and seeing where you stand when the dust settles. I'm bad with money too. If I have it, I spend it, then I need it and don't have it. Apparently it's part of 'my' ADD. So there!!! Now I have an excuse for being lousy at finances...hehehehe

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited July 2011

    Stanzie:  I am so sorry this isn't working out for you.  Have you tried getting a case manager at least regarding your recon?  This just doesn't seem right!  Hugs!!!

  • rowan
    rowan Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2011

    Stanzie--I know what you mean about the medical bills, they just keep coming.  It is a blessing to have one of our children around.  Our youngest is home before he goes off to med school in Aug and we are being very indulgent of his late hours and overnights with friends. It's harder on hubby because he has to get up for work in the mornings.  But we know he will be gone soon and he has worked so hard to get where he is at.  And he is fun to have around.

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited July 2011

    Stanzie what needs to be done for your breathing issues? Why isnt it covered? Do they give you a reason? I think mine would not have been covered had I not had a polyp and collapsed nasal passage. Why would any recon revisions not be covered?? My PS said he did capsulectomy?? when I just wanted a different size...have you tried crying?? I find my tears in front of my PS are highly effective...hey girls gotta do what a girls gotta do Wink

    Hope everyone is having a good weekend. It was such beautiful perfect weather here all weekend. Last night I went out with my sis and an ex for Mexican MMmmmmm so good but my sister tells me AFTER dinner how my hair looked like I made zero effort.Yell Seriously could she have said it looked a mess BEFORE we met my ex for dinner..not to mention my hair has a mind of its own post chemo...I have very little control.

    Oh well...my dinner was YUM and the margarita was pretty good as wellTongue out

    Good night all!

    Diane

  • Jen42
    Jen42 Member Posts: 71
    edited July 2011

    Rowan -- a mini Australian shephard, too cute ! I love the "fallen diva" description !

    Kate -- I laughed out loud at your comment about not "having to shovel sunshine" ! And the pic of your dogs was great for a smile, too !

    I just got back from a weekend in Lake Tahoe for my cousin's wedding. My first fun in 7 weeks. I ate too much, drank too much, and maybe danced too much (I'm a little sore). But the whole thing was gorgeous and just such a good time.

    One bummer is...I thought I looked pretty good...my dress, my hair, my makeup. But I just looked at the photos we took -- and oh my gosh ! I look sooooo tired ! I have aged since my diagnosis and surgery, there is no denying it !

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited July 2011

    Didel:  I hope that you soon have more good hair days then bad!  Sounds like you had fun though.

    JenC:  Glad you had fun and yes, cancer is ageing.

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited July 2011

    Stanzie- I just don't understand why they're saying fixing your breathing problem isn't covered!  It's BREATHING!  It's like saying- "You can't eat and you want us to fix that?  Sorry, not covered."  It's absurd!  Can you file an appeal or a grievance with your insurance company?  Maybe if you got a letter from one of the surgeons stating it's a medical necessity they would reconsider?  I know on my insurance website there's a link for filing it right online.  I think sometimes they make it as hard as possible so we'll just go away but you deserve to be able to breath normally!  (Well, you deserve to be happy with your recon, too, but that's another story!)  Sorry everything is such a challenge!  (((hugs)))

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited July 2011

    Well, the problem with my nose is the result of a broken nose not fixed properly. I do not want to go back to the original doctor for obvious reasons. So trying to find a Dr. who does revision nose work is more difficult. I found one who takes insurance but is his "fix" is extremely complicated and involves two surgeries and it seems more like putting a bandaid on the problem rather than actually fixing it. The other doctor who has been only doing noses and nose revisions for 30+ years is lovely and explains things clearly and would be great except he takes no insurance so ALL would be out of pocket! - almost 10K!

    So the breast - actually DiDel I did burst into tears as he originally said it was covered and called it fat harvesting (the pillows of fat left under my arms which are painful and uncomfortable and ugly) to fill in the dents and such on the breasts. Now he says nope not covered. So found another Dr. to talk to but she is in the office of an awful PS who I went to in the very begining and so far cannot even make myself call their office is was such a horrific experience - even though this would be a different Dr. 

    Thanks so much for you all's concern. Means a great deal....

  • rowan
    rowan Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2011

    Hi everybody,

    I have a question--do you find yourselves inexplicably overcome with depression out of the blue?  My husband and I went to a movie on Saturday, a funny movie which we picked for that reason, and in the  middle of it, I feel overwhelming sadness and start to cry.  Yesterday, I was leaving my parents house (they live across the street from us now.  they moved in Jan so they would be on one floor and closer to me) and I find myself, foom! same feeling.  Overwhelming sadness and crying.

    Fatigue? Meds?  Normal for now?  

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited July 2011

    Rowan, yes, I get hit with a deep, sadness that blackens my day like the sun going behind a cloud. I get this "why bother, what's left, this is as good as it will ever be" kind of feeling. The young people are all out partying with music and laughter, the old people are playing golf and playing cards and I sit in the middle with nothing but bco.org and design shows on TV. I feel like there is nothing left. My parents have gone so I don't even have that buffer.

    You are not alone.

    Stanzie you are REALLY stuck in the middle!! You should NOT have to pay a cent for any revisions of a previous surgery. Period.

  • rowan
    rowan Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2011

    thanks, Barbe.  Are you on antidepressants now?  I hate to go back on them.

    Kate--I know you said you were in the past.  Was that recent past or years ago?  I think you said you're doing ok now, right?

     about my parents--I was supposed to be taking care of them ...oh the irony.  I got the BC diagnosis one month after them moved in.  They are 86 and 88 years old.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited July 2011

    Rowan, I`m on Cymbalta. I`ve been on something for the past 20+ years of my life!! I have a chemical imbalance. Not my fault. But it gets exacerbated by life situations.....sigh.

  • Elizabeth1889
    Elizabeth1889 Member Posts: 509
    edited July 2011

    Rowan,

    I, too, find depression suddenly hitting me.  I was upbeat throughout surgery and chemo, but now that I am in rads, I am depressed.  I have been taking Celexa for several years and I recently had to add ativan to my daily routine.  Surely, my emotions are not totally the result of rads, but I often feel like crying lately.  You are not alone. 

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited July 2011

    It often takes more than one drug to balance you and many weeks of trying to find the right combination. You have to know what you are suffering from to prescribe correctly. Are you:

    sad, depressed, lonely, scared, anxious, tense, angry, etc.

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited July 2011

    I'll say do not go see the movie "Tree of Life" Well, at least for me it hit me hard and I found it horrendously depressing. I had to walk out and sat in the lobby for a large part of the movie - apparently I missed the only happy time in these peoples lives so the movie was just awful to me. It was not what I expected and it was like a 3 1/2 hour movie... Ugh.

    I think really we would all be nuts if we didn't have some depression I mean really! And I think it doesn't matter whether we are young, middle or older when it hits it is just a lot to deal with especially because we are women and they way we think and the care loads expected of us that leaves no room for who is to care for us and be our supports except each other. 

    I also agree it so hits you out of the blue and you can be going along fine and all your friends and family think everything is in the past when in your head and heart it is always present always circling and hovering. Thank goodness we can at least share here and know we are heard and understood and can gather the strenghth and compassion we need to continue to be in the other real life.

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited July 2011

    Thank God for bco.org!!!

    I tried to watch the movie Slumdog Millionaire but had to stop due to violence!! So many people said what violence! Are you kidding me..the burned out eyes in the orphanage, the beatings the rape, etc. I`ve never seen the rest of the movie.

    Thanks for the heads-up Stanzie...

  • rowan
    rowan Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2011

    thanks all of you.  you're really helping.

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited July 2011

    Rowan- Like barbe, I have a chemical imbalance, so have been on anti-depressants most of my adult life. Usually after a few years they'll stop working for me and my GP will have to switch me to something else. I'm currently on Wellbutrin. It doesn't stop those blues from hitting from time to time, though. I found the toughest time for me was the first few months after exchange. That's when I had to accept that this was going to be my new reality. It really will get better, though. At first I thought about boobs 24/7. Then it was several times a day. Then maybe once a day. And so on. So everything you're going through is normal. We've all been there and we all understand. (((hugs)))

  • Jen42
    Jen42 Member Posts: 71
    edited July 2011

    Rowan -- I've been emotional all my life...cry really easily...but lately it's just ridiculous ! Since the diagnosis and the surgery, the littlest thing will make me cry. I also had true depression hit me really hard again a month ago..but it came and went in about 5 days so I think it was hormone-related. That's the other thing -- we ladies have to deal with stupid hormones ! They can wreak havoc on our moods. I still have the blues off and on right now, but not currently in a state of debilitating depression. I tapered off my anti-depressants (Celexa/Buspar) right before my diagnsosis ! Oh the irony !

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited July 2011

    Hi All! It is a stormy night here in Baltimore! Unfortunately not cooling a darn thing off..the air is so thick and sticky. When I got out of my AC car my sunglasses fogged up...thats humidity.

    Stanzie I had the same fatty roll/pocket issue...I cried my eyes out to my PS plus I bring them cupcakes all the time and referred business...he did it for $1000. He said he usually charges $2900 which I just found anstonishing since it was such a tiny area. Literally the Anthesia guy charged more. Really suck up to you PS and see what they can do. Come up here and use mine..I love him!! I would guess you can find someone to give you a break on the price. I will say, having that area liposuctioned made all the difference. I feel for you.

    I am taking a break from my Tamoxifen for all the raging hormones and the fact that I could sleep 20 hrs a day and keep gaining weight. I am hoping to have some relief and will talk to my onc in a couple of weeks. I just can't stand the moodiness and exhaustion. Although, I have made it back to the gym for the first time since January....yeah for me!  

     For anyone who needs a laugh tonight....One of my clients was having this cookout/olympic team competition thing today...ok you heard me say how hot it was...SO first of all, Everyone just loved my puppy...he was impressing the crowd with his frisbee skills...well he was so hot after all his running and there was no shade...so I stopped over my friends house to cool off in her pool. She is out of town btw...Smile so I am trying to get my 70lb puppy in the pool and he wants to but not quite sure what to make of it..so my friend says you have to just throw him in, its the only way...well..we had her throw him in so he wouldnt get mad at me and I was in the water. She PUSHED him in while he was contemplating getting in and he swam a little...THEN panicked and climbed on and over me to get out of the pool. He literally almost drowned me. My poor puppy is  such a sissy. Although I think he needed to cool off and enjoyed it after he was out. He kept circling the pool and would go on the first step but that was it. He is so tuckered out..he is sound asleep on the couch next to me. So cute. Maybe next time he will be more excited about the pool...small steps.

    Stay cool everyone...Kate are you getting that odd DUST cloud?? I have asthma and would not do well in that thing. UGH.

    Good night all!

    Diane 

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited July 2011

    Diane, thanks. Crying didn't work really. He said he was giving me a price break as well but with the other fees ( not sure what his would be) it still came to almost 5,000.00. And the fat would be then reinjected to fix the dents that have come in so still don't get it. I'm more thinking he really doesn't want to do the surgery and that makes me more nervous as in he doesn't feel comfortable doing it? So it has made me doubt this surgeon that up till this I really liked him. j

    Love your pool story! What a puppy, can you post a picture? 

  • rowan
    rowan Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2011

    thanks Jen and Kate for adding your thoughts.  Didel--a 70 lb puppy?????

    I called my onc yesterday (I called before about these issues) and this time  the nurse made an appt for me today (I had one in two weeks).  She said the doc will try "something else," that I shouldn't be miserable.  Well, I hope it helps. 

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited July 2011

    Here's my big boy..he wasn't feeling so hot this day but he looked cute

  • didel
    didel Member Posts: 733
    edited July 2011

    Awww Stanzie I am sorry things aren't working out for you. My PS didnt do any grafting just the lipo.I just feel like somebody has to be willing to work somethingout. Can you do a pymt plan?

    Rowan how was your appointment?? Are you feeling any better today?

    I had to take a break from Tamoxifen. I am over feeling fat..crying at the drop of a hat...sleeping 12 hrs a day and still exhausted. I am just stopping for a while. I started back at the gym and hopefully once I get back in my routine I can restart the T.

    Hope everyone is staying cool..tomorrow is gonna be EXTRA hot and miserable her in Baltimore.

    Good night all!

    Diane

  • mostlymom
    mostlymom Member Posts: 378
    edited July 2011

    Is he an aussie Diane?  We have a "miniature" 49# tri aussie we dearly love.  She is a lovie & takes good care of her pack & our extended family.  Luckily we have a large fenced back yard but she's a velcro dog so spends most of her time keeping track of us.  We are so glad to have her.

  • rowan
    rowan Member Posts: 131
    edited July 2011

    Diane--adorable.

    I am to go off the Arimidex for 2-3 weeks and see if that helps.  If my symptoms go away then, my onc will prescribe another aromatase (sp?) inhibitor.  Otherwise, it may be antidepressants for me.

  • MBJ
    MBJ Member Posts: 3,671
    edited July 2011

    Didel:  Your "puppy" is adorable, all 70 pounds of him!  BTW:  Have you read the book yet?

    Stanzie:  I still say you need to get the insurance company on your side.  You didn't start out looking this way you shouldn't have to settle afterwards!  Hugs!!!

  • Stanzie
    Stanzie Member Posts: 1,611
    edited July 2011

    Thanks all of you! Just so totally annoyed with all these doctors - now just going to take a break from it all..... Hopefully haven't already said this - went back to nose doctor who the previous time gave me notes of our consultation so had a couple of questions and assumed I'd get the notes again. They said they would mail them, nothing. So I emailed them and got this note back saying all rules had changed with Hippa laws and I would have to come back in (long way away) and sign papers and pay for the copies? It wasn't that big of a deal but it was once again sort of a final straw of - Why does everything have to be so hard and have to be a fight? So I just decided to give it all a rest till at least my kids are back in school! But I agree surely there should be some way insurance helps to pay.

    Also anyone have siatica experience? I was told in 1992 that it was an MS symptom and just deal with it but now my neurologist says it is siatica. Funny but it was way less painful on estrogen.

    Diane - wonderful sweet puppy!! 

  • Kate33
    Kate33 Member Posts: 1,936
    edited July 2011

    Diane- I love your "puppy" even though he's about the size of my 14 year old son.  LOL!  What sweet eyes!  Loved the swimming story, too.  

    Stanzie- I can empathize so much with what you're going through.  When did it get so hard to just fix the things that are wrong with our bodies without having to sell our first born child (wait, I only have one, that won't work!) or clean out our retirement funds?  It's absurd.  Isn't that why we have insurance?  It's not like we're begging for face lifts and boob jobs.  It's just so exhausting to fight for something that is rightfully ours.

    So I just got back from 2 days away with my DH to Portland, OR.  Heaven!  70*, green and beautiful.  Now I'm back to living on the sun.  110* with a sky full of dust and grit.  Ugh!  Maybe that's why I'm so depressed, lately.  Phoenix in the summer is absolutely uninhabitable.  BTW, thanks for calling it a dust storm, Diane.  If one more reporter calls our dust storms a haboob I am going to go all Wild West Calamity Jane on their ass!Yell 

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