Great saying about depression
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Depression HumourHarry Kalas"He has turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed."Harry Kalas sportscaster for Major League Baseball was talking about Gary Maddox.
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Would like to join you all here!
Recently have been having lots of issues with sadness and not quite sure what to do. Had my MX in May and it wasn't a good experience. Honestly wasn't even reconciled to the surgery before having it, and must have asked my hubby about 10x on the day of surgery "this is the right thing isn't it?" I hate, hate, hate what I look like now--left with a "buldge" in my armpit that prevents me from wearing anything sleeveless. At this point I'm not planning reconstruction, because I don't think I could do surgery again. I'm okay with the look my prosthesis gives, but the buldge thing interferes with my bra, so is uncomfortable.
All that with finishing chemo and looking at possible rads, I'm just feeling so blue. My hubby doesn't seem to understand, as my "healing" and response to treatment is "best case scenario". Heck, I don't understand why I'm so sad either.
Don't know if it's a good idea to air it all with my onc and get some depression meds or just wait and see if things settle down. The NP at my onc office is very quick to prescribe whatever you think will help, but I'm just not exited about MORE drugs getting in my system you know?
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i know just how you feel,5kids mom; the "dog ears" they leave after surgery upset me greatly.. the bs had to leave one side unstitched, my surgery kinda "went south" so i had wound care for a bit, after surgery. i Still think "did i do the right thingz' from time to time, but for me, when i run it all back thru my mind, i realize i would do a BMX all over again, regardless of whats happened since. i did chemo, also. so, when i was all done, i DID go for the dog ears.. it was covered with ins. bc, it was the only recon that i chose to do; or was able to do. i was in poor health before surgery, so didn't have the option of recon to new boobies.. didn't want them, after all i've read, either.. so, maybe later, you, also may choose to have them removed. it was the one part post surg. tha t REALLY bothered me.
i do think adding another pill (antidepressant) IS worth it... whats' the point of doing all we do; if we don't get some relief from the depression? Just my HO, tho.. wait and see what others have to say.. we'll be looking out for you, and welcome to the thread!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>3jays
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Don't have much to say right now except sending hugs to 5kidsmom and 3jays !!
And anyone else who is just feeling like a pile of doo-doo cuz of depression... 0 -
Hi All ... UGH is it HOT HOT HOT in Baltimore...and on top of things..I havent been on the boards as I was helping a friend clean her new house and move in since thursday! OMG its just been so so hot and the new house she moved into was on this BGE Peak Rewards program where you let BGE control your power supply...ok they cut off the power to her AC unit...it was 90 degrees in the house today. It was terrible...I had to not bring my charlie and leave early cause I have been a wet sweaty mess all weekend. Ok just had to vent.
Sorry for those who are struggling this week!! Welcome 5kidsmom! Sorry you are blue but glad you found us here.
Ok now for my bad news of the week...my neighbor is missing. His daughter came to me today asking the last time I saw her dad, which was last Saturday. She last got a text from him Tuesday. His tenant said he hasn't been home in 3 days for sure. I did notice I hadn't seen him but thought maybe he was away as I usually saw him in the morning while letting Charlie out. I feel so bad. He is an alcoholic and just lost his license. The other night I heard him whaling sobbing and screaming. I looked out my window to see if he was ok and I saw him crying at his dining room table. I feel bad cause I should have gone over to see if he was ok but it was aftermidnight and I assumed he was drunk. After talking to his daughter today, I realized how sad and lonely he has been. She said he talked about me all the time and I feel bad that I just didn't take the time to reach out to him at least the next day. I hope he is ok. His family is hoping that he checked himself into rehab. I hope so as well. I feel like a terrible neighbor but I do live in Baltimore City..we're just not nicey nice nieghbors.
Anyhow, that's it for me ... I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I am grateful in a down time I know I can come here and reach out to you ladies!
MBJ I have not started the book yet..I need to finish my last Patterson book then I am alll over it! I am excited to read it.
Good night all
Diane
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Diane -- WHAT is going on in your corner of the world?!?! Didn't you recently attend some funerals? And now you have a missing neighbor? Alcoholic, and last time you saw him was crying at his table? That does NOT sound good. All this sadness...and that's just in your part of Baltimore...this is why I can't watch the news...so much tragedy...it makes me so depressed and upset.
Hugs to everyone...just don't know what else to say...
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5kidsmom- So glad you posted and know you're not alone. It's hard for our friends and family but everyone on here "gets it". This just isn't some ordinary crappy case of cancer- this is one with a lot of emotional baggage attached. It's always depicted as one big happy pink fest when you're all done with treatment but it's actually harder once the surgery, chemo, etc is finished. It's hard to know when or if it's time for anti-depressants when we actually have a reason to be depressed but there's no stigma in crying uncle. Even on them I'm still kind of blue processing everything. I think without them, though, I'd be one big pile of mush. At least let your onc know what you're going through even if you decline meds. Maybe if more of them realize how hard this is emotionally they could somehow prepare us better for it. (((hugs)))
DiDel- Dang girl, maybe it's time to move! You have way too much going on in that neighborhood of yours. Hope your neighbor is o.k.
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Thanks all for the warm welcome!
So someone fill me in on the whole "dog ear" thing with the incision--what is all that about? My surgeon told me that without it the scar would be all saggy, but um, this really isn't great. Maybe I should have asked more questions, but I was kind of barely hanging on then. My hubby said he did it to help with reconstruction later? Weird because I haven't decided to do that, and I honestly don't think he left enough skin to allow me to have reconstruction.
I agree that maybe if the docs realized how emotionally hard this all is, they could help. I NEVER had one person at my surgeon's office ask how I was handling anything. My onc does ask and they seem to care, but of course, when you are out you put on your "brave face"
Gotta be a "good patient" right? ugh. Cried out in front of everyone last week at chemo. . . . . they are having a difficult time getting my IV's started, and after 2 sticks, I was just so frustrated I couldn't help it. Dreading Tuesday with more tries at the IV!
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5kidsmom -- I hear you on the stupid IV sticks. For some people it's no big deal, for others it becomes another awful part of what's going on, with needless extra pain. When I had my gallbladder removed last year, one nurse tried 3 times on one arm, and 2 times on the other arm before giving up and finding an "expert". By then I was crying...it HURT...and I was so nervous (this was my first surgery ever) and all I could think was: "if they can't even get the IV in, what the hell is going to happen in surgery?" Luckily, the "expert" got it done and my surgery went fine. And for my BMX, the nurse was the best at IV sticks EVER..I barely felt it. I hope your chemo center can find you an "expert"...
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Oh Diane!!! You cannot blame or worry about what you did or did not do. If he is an alcholic you cannot put yourself into that situation where you don't know how he might have reacted. Take comfort in knowing that he thinks of you as a friend and neighbor - that is a good thing not something to feel guilty about. Hopefully you will hear soon that he is alright and getting some much needed help.
5Kids - I just so hate this about this whole type of surgery! I think every PS office should have someone on call or someone patients could talk to who have been through this and then that person can listen and relate and then tell the Doctor what they can do to make it right so the patients are taken care of both physically and emotionally. Wouldn't that be wonderful!!! I'm so sorry. How long ago was your surgery? Could it still be swelling? Mine said I had to wait 6-9 months before he would consider it wasn't swelling of course still didn't help with mine but I do think you have to wait a bit for your body to calm down after such an huge surgery.
3jays - always nice to see you post as I know you have been through so much.
I agree with Kate - we should all be OK with crying and being upset as how else are the medical profession to know and understand how horribly this disease hits us.
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Thanks for the sympathy on the IVs Jen. Sadly it WAS the expert that stuck me 3x last week! the newbie nurses won't even come near me till I already have the IV in
I'm planning on drinking gallons of water today in hopes that it helps some. Just about all I can do. Due to my surgery they only have one arm to look in anyway. Ugh. Stanzie I totally agree, these places need someone for you to talk to! My surgeon's office was sadly lacking. I got NO pre or post op instructions. I looked online for the info I did get, then went to the breast center where they do mammograms, to talk to the nurses. I didn't know that there could still be swelling in that area--I'd love to have that be the case. The rest of the incision/scar looks very normal now. They were really pushing for me to get reconstruction in the same surgery, and when I didn't want that, it felt like there wasn't much talking after that. It's even nice to have you say "huge surgery". Mine was done in the "outpatient short stay" unit, which was also kind of a slap in the face to me. Everyone acted as if I was having a mole removed, not a breast. Ugh. Can you tell there is a tad of bitterness still there?
Anyway, I'm all for the crying and being upset. Quite sure that will be going on for me at chemo tomorrow.
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Yesterday, I talked to a friend who is a nurse. I told her that I was taking meds for both depression and anxiety. She said not to feel bad about taking them because by controlling the depression and anxiety, I was giving my body an easier time in its fight against cancer. Every BS, MO, and RO should ask their patients about their emotions. It would feel so good to be able to discuss those issues and it would make patients feel cared for and loved. Those are the feelings that promote healing.
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5kids- Of course it was huge and the emotional aspect even bigger! I don't think anyone should ever downplay anying about BC no matter what you choose, whether it is a "small" lumptectomy, to full BMX to reconstrution with revisions to no reconstrution - then add chemo and rads to no chemo no rads -ALL of it is Life Changing and not in a good way. yes good can come from it but gosh I'm no where near that yet.... I mean yes we are all thrilled beyond words to be here but that doesn't mean any of it or any the decisions we made were easy or should be taken lightly. Kate posted a wonderful piece about a man talking about prostate cancer and I think it helps to read that and understand these surgeries are invasive on an intimate and self-esteem level that having other surgeries even serious ones like heart surgery it doesn't have the same emotional impact. Not to downplay heart surgery by any means but hopefully you all know what I mean. It is just a different kind of impact that even if there is NED it is still with us and with constant reminders we can't ignore.
Elizabeth- that makes sense. Sort of like how sleep is necessary to heal if one is too anxious and depressed how much energy is the body taking it do that rather than sending that energy to heal. Yes Yes !!! All doctor's should be so much better in understanding and helping with this... And not just sending us to a psyche doctor. We need to know the doctors who are medically in charge of monitoring our physical body undertands what emotions are doing to our bodies and if they can allievaite some of that then they should! As in listening and doing and fixin what they are supposed to without making it so much trouble... sorry just had to throw that one in! Ack!
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Wow, so sorry I haven't been around lately.
Didel, what the heck is going on in your neck of the woods? Unfortunately, helping someone who is an alcoholic or drug addict isn't that easy. Especially when they are under the influence. Hope he turns up and everything is okay. Hugs!
5kids: Just a BC diagnosis is so overwhelming. I am grateful that I had chemo first because it gave me 6 months to research surgery options and choices. I don't know how i would have handled having surgery first without recon-not very well I'm sure. Know that getting help is very important right now. You are dealing with so much and you still have chemo ahead of you. Get into a support group and get some counseling and come here and we will help support in any way we can. Hugs!
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Sometimes I wish I could copy and paste this whole thread to anyone in the medical community who works with BC patients. Maybe it would give them a better understanding of what it means to have BC and to deal with the after effects. During my very first visit with my BS at the cancer center they sent a social worker in who offered her services. My brain couldn't even focus on what she was saying because it was still spinning from the "E" words the BS had spoken during the hour before- biopsy, lumpectomy, mastectomy, pathology, surgery. I think they need to understand the timing of it all that. For most of us, the need for a social worker/counselor/shrink probably hits us when the "E" words are done. For the longest time I thought there must be something wrong with me that I was falling apart emotionally when I was finally finished.
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Hmmm, interesting that an article by a MAN has such an impact. I think we're double-troubled because we are considered (or think of ourselves) hysterical if we can't cope with cancer. Never thought of that as I was already being treated before bc, but as I read the previous posts it made sense.
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Hmmm, interesting that an article by a MAN has such an impact. I think we're double-troubled because we are considered (or think of ourselves) hysterical if we can't cope with cancer. Never thought of that as I was already being treated before bc, but as I read the previous posts it made sense.
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barbe- For me it was not about the article being written by a man but by a survivor of a different type of cancer. It validated that this is not about losing your breasts, although that is traumatic in itself, but about so much more. Sometimes I think people perceive emotional issues after BC have something to do with some f***ed up sense of vanity and the need for perfection. I doubt too many of us would have ever described ourselves as perfect before BC but would give anything to have those bodies back. What struck a cord with me in the article (and I assume you were referring to the one by Dana Jennings) was when he said he was "grieving for the person I was before I learned I had cancer". I think he was able to summarize so much of what I was feeling post-cancer than I hadn't been able to put into words. I thought I was grieving for the physical person I had been before but now realize I was missing the whole package of my previous self.
Attention barbe fans! Someone started a new thread called "What is forgiveness?" It's an interesting topic for BCO but is very thought provoking. But the posts by barbe are absolutely amazing. barbe- I think there lies your new career. There is a book, or at the very least a magazine article, in there that needs to be written. The world is full of damaged souls, mine at times included, that would be helped so much by your insight. You have an amazing talent!
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You're too sweet Kate!!!
I just think the article written by a man is accepted more easily than if it was written by a woman. We are grieving for the loss of innocence - we know our bodies can fail us!!
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Jen, Kate, Stanzie & MBJ thanks for the kind words...so far no news about my missing neighbor. Its so sad and very confusing. He is such a home body I just know something terrible has happened. His daughter and I have literally called every hospital in the state, Central Booking, and even the morgue and nothing. I tracked down the liquor store he frequented and they saw him that tuesday which was the last day anyone heard from him. His car is still in the driveway. I know his daughter thinks he went somewhere to kill himself but would you take the bus?? Why wouldnt you just drive or do it at home. This City is too dangerous to walk around alone and drunk. UGH ...I called a local news anchor I know and she is airing his story tomorrow. We pray to get a lead.
Rowan are you feeling better or does it take more time to notice the AI is out of your system??
So I emailed my onc today to tell him 1. that i stopped taking Tamoxifen cause i was feeling depressed and fat and 2. that I have been so sleepy that I literally could sleep all day. I told him I was sleeping 10-12 hrs a day..YUP I said 10-12 hours a day and could sleep more if Charlie would allow it. I am running 2-3 miles a day amongst other exercises still feel tired. He said and I quote " I will send you your lab orders but I have no idea why you are so fatigued" Thanks Doc for the suggestions on how to boost my energy level or calm my fears that something is wrong. Aren't oncologist just the most warm and fuzzy people you know. Seriously ZERO people skills.
Anyhow, I see him in a few weeks so I guess as long as my blood work is good I will just have to figure out the fatigue on my own. I do see my gorgeous sweet charming funny PS next week which as you can tell I am so excited for
I get my Botox then too maybe looking less tired will give me the boost I need. Good night all..hope you are all doing well.
Diane
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BTW in case you are not aware of this weeks drama on the boards..a few disgruntled BCO members have been posting horrible reviews about BCO and some of its members. It is all very petty and it seems to be the same handful of people that are bombarding the site with negative reviews of BCO. This could be detrimental to the future of BCO and I know everyone on this thread appreciates all that this organization has brought us and how much the friendships we have made mean to all of us. I think it may be helpful if you would like to maybe take a few minutes to post a review of your experience on BCO. The website is greatnonprofits.org then simply look up Breastcancer.org to write a review.
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DiDel- Great suggestion! I wish BCO had a "dislike" button you could submit for certain members who are like that. When they get so many they're "evicted". I don't know why some people expend so much energy trying to tear others down- especially on here!
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hey guys, just catching up..lots of" redirecting " going on w/ the thyroid pills.. not feeling good yet, but praying to be!!!
DiDel; the gals are right. ive been in alanon for Years, its' very hard to deal with someone who's hitting his bottom. i hope he shows up. and, maybe you can start a "just smile " relationship with him. see how it goes.. i hope it has a happy ending. sometimes they don't. but it's def. what you DID; or DIDN'T do......can you guys help explain the dog ears stuff to 5Xmom; or you can PM me, and i'll explain better. i know it'll make a diff!!...night all.....3jays
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DiDel, sorry I didn't comment on your neighbour!!! I just think that some people make decisions that we have to step back from. A wounded/sick animal would go to a faraway den in the forest to lie down and die. Perhaps he has made this decision because it hurts too much to live.
Please keep us posted on his condition.
3jays, we WAITING too! for the meds to start working. Does your doc know you've doubled up?
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Hi All! We located my neighbor!! God Bless him he checked himself into a detox facility and walked there. We did call there but they won't give out any patient information. Its up to him to contact his family. He finally did so this morning..he called his daughter. He is is now going to an inpatient rehab facility and I hope for his sake it works. We've always been friendly and when I had my surgeries he shoveled my snow, took my trash and recycling out and even offered to walk Charlie for me. I will just have to let him know that if he ever needs someone to talk to or wants to grill out on the deck to give me a call.
Uh what a relief.....now I am off to the office ...booooooo (I know it's late I had a conference call) Its so gorgeous here today I just wanna sit on my deck and read. Oh well, hope you are all having the same gorgeous weather and hope today is a good day!
Diane
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Diane -- wow, that is such great news about your neighbor ! Too bad he worried everyone so much but kudos to him for seeking help he needs ! Thanks for the link to be able to give bco a good review...I'm going there now...
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DiDel- Great news about your neighbor. When he comes home maybe tell him again how much his kindness meant to you after your surgeries. I think for me a lot of times when I am depressed it comes from a place of not feeling connected to others. Maybe if he knew he had made a difference, however small, in your life it would help him see that he matters. It seems like a lot of people feel like no one cares if they're around or not. Maybe once he sees, too, the effort made on his part of locate him he'll realize that people do care about him.
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Hi Ladies,
I haven't checked in for awhile. I was just reading my last posts on December 7th with Kate. Determined and Pugmum, to name a few. We sure were sharing a lot from our hearts that day.
I still struggle as you all do. Miss the old, and yet feel a bit guilty in my sadness as I have so much to be grateful for. We have had a lot of change and loss the past several years and through all the tough times we always had great love for each other and a great sex life. Then the BC hit. I miss how wonderful sex was before the BC. We have never gotten quite back on track. It's hard on DH too. We never used to have to "think" about it...we just did it and enjoyed. Now it's like work to relearn how to get the same results without some of the vital parts...you know what I mean? I still struggle with how to make myself ignore thoughts of missing my husband' touch and how to incorporate cold breasts into the new art of love making. I don't mean to be a downer, it's just really been a challenge for us. I just hate the permanancy of what BC does to your body.
You ladies are right about how providers should care more about the emotional aspects of BC..They should create some sort of flow chart and be prepared to answer women for some of the normal ways that BC can potentiallly impact your life...you don't want to make this journey any harder on women, but we have all seen posts where women have been grateful to read that they are not alone in what they are feeling.
Kind of a lot for me to come in and just drop on you guys tonight! Awh, I just miss them. Joni Mitchell was right "you don't know what you've got til it's gone!"
Thanks for listening ladies!
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Aww Baxter sorry you feel down today, but glad you popped in.
I know what you mean about sex...I haven't had so much as a kiss since about a month before my diagnosis..nor do I feel up to anything at all. Which for the record is COMPLETELY not me. I miss that part of my life for sure but I am just not ready. It sucks being single and having gone through all this. I just don't feel remotely sexy and can't imagine what it will take to ever put me "in the mood". I feel like at 44 that part of my life is done.
OMG on a funny note .,...since I know you guys love hearing all the crazy activities of my neighborhood...this morning a BROTHEL...you heard me good ol' fashoined BROTHEL was raided by the feds this morning...and where do you think this happened...oh about a mile from my house!! LOL No kidding! Hope this gave some of you a giggle...
Good night all!
Diane
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Baxter- I got exactly what you were saying. I miss the easiness of everything pre-BC too. BC is like the elephant that never quite steps out of the room during intimacy. When it happens it doesn't feel quite right. But without it my marriage doesn't feel quite right, either. Either way it's a loss for sure. I wonder if anyone eventually is able to get back to where they were before or not. I just can't imagine having a night together where it doesn't cross my mind. Don't think that's possible and that's the part that makes me the saddest. We used to be able to make the world disappear but not any more. Amazing how one little 4 cm. lump can wreak havoc on our entire life.
DiDel- A brothel? OMG! Having seen your house on facebook, and seeing how gorgeous it is, I can't believe you have so much $*** going on in your neighborhood! LOL!
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