Great saying about depression
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Hey everyone! I'm at up our friend's cabin so am sending this from my phone. You knew I couldn't stay away! It's great up here but I find it so hard to socialize for so many hours in a row. Does anyone else feel that way? I find myself hiding in my room for a few minutes just to recharge my batteries and wishing I were home. I find since BC I have a hard time with too much chaos but not sure why that is. Just wanted to tell you all I was thinking about you!
P.S. MBJ- Your new home sounds wonderful and will probably be so good for you. I vacationed in Kentucky as a kid. My Mom was a single mom and could only afford to take us on one big family vacation and she took us to Kentucky. I still remember being in awe of how beautiful it was. I'm so happy for you and this new adventure in your life.0 -
Kate33
Nice that you can get away, but know exactly what you're saying on finding it hard to socialize for hours on end. Too much chaos and excitement just wears me out and I need to go to veg out for a bit.
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DH and I are attending the wedding of the daughter of a dear friend tomorrow. I am excited about going, but at the same time, I dread being around so many people for a whole evening. We will probably stay at the reception only a short while.
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MBJ: congrats on becoming a home owner! It really sounds like you picked a special place
Lindsey: I have never heard of such a huge blood clot and the person surviving! Your insurance company is an idiot for not putting you in the hospital but then the whole 10 days I was in back in March for the DMX not one nurse looked under any bandages or dressings. Being a nurse, I did every day!
Diane: how about just clear away your garden overgrowth, and plant with grass. Mow and its neat and done....plus pup will love you.
Joyceva, Kate and Elizabeth: oh do I read you about being around a lot of people for too long. It exhausts me. DH and I go to all events in our own cars and I just slip out after a while. When my sons grandfather comes here for a month (he's 88) it wears me to a frazzle, being 'on from 7am to 10pm and fixing 3 full meals a day. I haven't let him come over since I've had BC because I am ashamed to admit I just can't do it.
Like you Kate, I do find if I slip away alone for a few minutes I usually can go back in and be okay for awhile. For dinner events, I usually arrive just before the food is served so I miss the whole mingle-cocktail hour. Coming in I head for the bar first and get a drink so I look like I was just 'over there'.
Wow: MBJ is going to be a farmer! I won't have chickens here because they attract snakes and I have enough of them already.
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It's the Fibromyalgia that keeps us from enjoying being in a crowd. I had a household a week ago...all 3 grandsons and their parents, my bro and his family and my step-mom. Thought I was going to loose it right in front of everyone!! WAY too much stimulus!! I always forget how bad it is until I do it again!! I can't listen to just one person when there is so much action. I get nothing out of the whole visits except memories of everyone having a good time - which was the point. Bathroom trips do become more frequent, just to close the door on everyone. It's a trick I'll use in a mall or store, too. Even Walmart - off to the bathroom, close the stall door and don't breathe....
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Barbe- That's it exactly! You forget how bad it is until you can't do it again. I do think the fibro is a big part of it but BC has made it worse. I have the same issue with trying to listen to one person while other conversations are going on. I just can't do it so it seems like I'm not listening. I also have a hearing loss in one ear, due to a virus I contracted 5 years ago, and now wear a hearing aid in that ear. Then throw in too bright lights, too loud music and I am completely frazzled. It does help to slip out, though. We seem to all have the same coping mechanisms. Wonder if anyone has done any research on this SE of BC? Is it a PTSD thing?
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Kate: My DH has always had a problem in crowds-even going to a Target store wears him out, lol. I have the same problem-I was quite the hostess and entertainer prior to BC. The first party I threw was after chemo when I was still in wigs. It was a brunch but I discovered I no longer had the ability to do 20 things at once-I was knocked out for a week afterwards and haven't had anyone over since. Moving to Kentucky will give me the lack of stimulous I need and I love to garden but I only have a balcony.
Didel: My DH is going to put in a little white picket fence for me out front and eventually we will finish off the front porch so we can use it year round. When we get some money we will also build a deck in the back. Very exciting! It is really beautiful there. The only thing I can compare it to here in California is to Griffith Park-trees and foliage and parks everywhere. I am so looking forward to having a garden. Right now the current owner has an above ground pool (yuck) with a swing in the back and nothing else. She is going to remove it and we are going in and landscaping half and turning the rest into our vegi/fruit garden. I am going to be so healthy, lol! Can't wait to have the 4 seasons, too. I hate that year round it is either gloomy or sunny and not much else here. Yes, it's true, good weather year round is just boring. The grass is always greener, right?
Barbe: I have no idea how to post a picture on here and they removed the pictures on line. It is a 1955 Red Brick Cape Cod-very typical of the area with the sloped roof and black shutters. I would love to paint the brick & shutters a fresh new color so we don't look like every other house on the block but my DH likes the red brick.
Debbie: Snakes??? Oh My!!
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MBJ if he won't allow you to paint the brick, have a blast with the shutters, doors and eaves. Gray? Taupe? What're you thinking??? I had a red-brick house with black roof and front door and used a sage green at the time. It looked great but it kills me to see it now when I drive by and they haven't changed it!!! It looks aged now to me, but still fresh.
Here is a pic of my #1 grandson Zach (my daughter's son). This is what keeps me going...
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Cute!!!
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Barbe: I have seen the sage green shutters with the red brick but I was thinking a complete re-do. Maybe we will have a windfall like you and then he will let me do it, lol!
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MBj I am so excited for you sounds so awesome! I have white house with green shutters, green porch and deck (back) and green and white awning that stays rolled up since the birds like to have their babies in my awning.
Debbie I did clear out the herbs and planted grass and it would be perfect if there wasnt this 10ft high ...weather vain (sp??) Its completely ridiculous but probably been there as long as the house has been. I also have a cute little potting shed and old old old double door garage that looks like a barn...very cute. My house is one of the original houses "on the plantation" according to the neighbor up the street who also has an old house (our neighborhood is a mix of 100year old houses and houses built in the 70s) I love it cause they are all different. Not a cookie cutter neighborhood. Snakes...uhhh I think I will rethink Austrailia. I am scared to death of snakes.
Kate I am glad you got to step away and write. I feel the same way when I am out. Sometimes I find myself making excuses so I can go home early. Before BC I was the life of the party and the last one hanging. Part of it being uncomfortable being out cause I feel self conscience about how I look and part of it is feeling guilty cause of my puppy being in a crate the whole time i am gone. Thats why I loved my weekend away cause i knew he was being taken care of and not locked up in his crate. I think as time goes on...once I feel like I have my body back ...and hair (i know shallow) I will feel better.
Barb your grandson is so cute!!! Love the little curls!
Hope everyone is having a good weekend!! It is hot and steamy here so staying indoors.
Hugs to all that need one!!
Diane
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I think the crowd thing might very well be a PTSD thing.
However, I'm thinking of is how on a few occassions when I've been at some social event, just enjoying myself, someone will come up and want to talk about how the cancer is. I know they're just being kind and caring, but there are many times I'm just feeling like a normal person and then this comes up. It leaves me sad. It's kind of nice going places where noone knows me and interacting without being one bit out of the ordinary.
I've got all of my kids here today for lunch since my second oldest son is going off to British Columbia to go to university on Tuesday. I hope I don't become a blabbering idiot since this is soooo emotional for me.
All these new houses sound like an exciting new venture!
Barbe - Zach is absolutely adorable! What a sweet little guy.
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MBJ - I hope I don't miss the opportunity to meet you on the Westside before you move. I hope to be up and driving later in Sept. Maybe after one of my PS post op visits we can meet for coffee? I am picturing a move to a place like Kentucky and the adventure and beauty and new start is so inviting.
My DH and I bought a 1924 house near the port in Los Angeles when we got married five years ago. Yes, the house is now valued at HALF of what we paid, so we will be here until we die! :-) Thank goodness we like it. Five minutes to a beautiful beach and ocean breezes every night. See how I can talk myself into really loving it here (and I do!).
Diane, OMG my pulse was racing reading your post! Don't need the IRS to be IN your business with clients. Ugh! The C card and still nothing? Uncaring b---tards! What if the IRS was run by a bunch of bc survivors? Compassion overload! :-)
My DH has been practicing on a watermelon, peach, and banana with my Lovenox injections (blood thinners). Just in case when we get home after surgery on Tues, if I can't give it to myself. He wants to give me one tomorrow, just to practice on real tissue! God, the injustice of this whole situation. I know it is anxiety of the upcoming revision surgery, but I am teary and testy today! And the poor watermelon and banana! I have little bruises from each injection on my stomach and now the banana is turning black. Sympathy bruises?
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Lindsey: I would love to meet up with you! Not planning to leave until November or the end of October so we have time. They gave me blood thinners when I had my MX for blood clotting, too. Sounds like yours is worse then mine. I now always take lots of vitamins for that. I loved it when I lived at the beach, unfortunately that is now so out of my price range. I used to live in a 1920's building on Ocean Blvd. in Long Beach - 1000 sf for $500 a month. Those were the days! I remember struggling to make that rent, though. My DH and I have been married for almost 9 years and it is our first home. Just the thought of having a California mortgage left us both in a panic because we are both so artistic and it felt like too much hard work and no time to enjoy it when it comes to housing prices here.
Didel: Your house and property sounds gorgeous! We wanted a turn of the centry home but everything in our price range needed more repairs then we could afford. There was a gorgeous 1900 Colonial and the first two rooms, the DR & LR with 13' ceilings with a crystal chandelier was just stunning for $118,000 but when I ventured into the kitchen it was a gut and remodel with previous fire damage, same with the downstairs bath-just awful and then the entire upstairs and roof was a gut and remodel due to water damage. It was more then $100,000 worth of repairs and we would have had to work on it for at least a year to make it liveable. Maybe in the next 5 years we can move up to a Colonial that has the square footage we need-our current purchase has 2000 sf with the second story and basement. It's not easy to purchase a home when you are self employed-they look at your income after all of your deductions, which we have many, so it looks like our income is less then $2000 month! Oh well, really looking forward to a small, affordable mortgage in a beautiful place.
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Barbe - What a sweet little face and such a cute smile. No surprise that he is your sunshine :-)
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barbe - such a cute grandson!
Diane, yes we have poisonous snakes and spiders. I only seem to get the snakes. Also have biting ants and flies. Your place sounds wonderful
MBJ - sounds like you have bought a piece of heaven. The nice thing about brick houses is they don't show dirt and don't need expensive painting. Maybe like Barbe suggested, just the wood shutters and so-on, maybe a white?
Lindsey - I get you with the drop of house prices. Just had a friend give up his house to the bank and I'm sure this will destroy his credit rating.
My DH and I just recently applied for a credit card and were turned down! They wouldn't say why. Maybe it's because we show income of under $50M a year but we have no debt - house and cars are paid for and the credit card we already have is paid in full monthly. My DH says they would like us to probably make more and owe more so they know they will make interest off of us. I just wanted the fly-by points!
As to the crowds - I do think we are dealing with a form of PTSD. I also lost complete hearing in one ear 6 years ago, and really became a recluse then as in a crowd I couldn't hear clearly and it all became one big roar! Then as the years go along I get better and Bang, BC. Recently at a get-together a man I know looked at my boobs and said 'I thought you had a DM?" I said I did, with reconstruction. He then said 'those aren't real?' I have to say he didn't offend me as he seemed genuinely baffled and was nice. Then with a smile, he said 'well done'.
Diane, going away from home is always a challenge with a dog. My girl has never been boarded and is used to being where-ever I am. She sleeps along side me and is really my shadow. She would freak if she was put in a crate - though my brother has trained his two dogs to sleep in their crates with the gate open in their living room, so when they want to contain them the dogs think they are supposed to go to sleep. No one wants to house/dog sit for us because of my cat bringing in live snakes. If I shut the dog/cat flap, he opens a door or window screen. His latest trick to get my attention is to climb up the tree along side our house to the third floor and walk all the way around to the far side where my bedroom window is, and open the screen with his present for me. That's true love.
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Justagirl: Love your cat story! I want mine to be able to go outside but they are getting old so they will have to wait until spring in our new house so we have time to finish fencing in the back and side, and also fence in the front and plant flowers so they don't wander off. Mine have brought me birds so they now wear bells on their collars.
We are so lucky to have recon as an option-people are surprised when they see me, too. They hear MXC and their eyes glaze over and they take a step back and excuse themselves from the conversation. I got a chuckle over your man friend's response.
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No one told me how sad I might get, but after lumpectomy, I feel so sad. I'm a naturally joyful kind of girl, but man...
thanks for the great quote
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UGGGGGHHHH my internet is driving me nuts...one more try
bbffair...sorry you are sad..I felt like the worst part emotionally for me was when I was done treatment..it was like a frenzy of drs appts, test, treatment then you're done sorta flapping in the breeze..alone. We here certainly understand what you are going through and are here to listen anytime you need to vent scream or cry. Hope your day gets easier.
MBJ I can't wait to see pics! 2000 sq ft is HUGE!! When I bought my place I didnt want too much house for me or a fixer upper as I am NOT even a little bit handy.
Debbie....YUCK bllaaaaaahhh thats why my kitty doesnt go outside...I don't want any presents in my house of the dead furry kind...yuck! I wouldnt be able to sleep at nights if my kitty was up to that LOL
Lindsey ...I will be thinking of you tomorrow and sending you positive vibes for a smooooooth surgery and speedy recovery!! Good luck with everything and let us know how you are doing as soon as you can.
Hugs to all!
Diane
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bbfair: Didel said it the best-after all is said and done we are left with only our feelings and of course we are sad! Hugs!
Didel: My new house is 30' x 30' with the least amount of square footage in the half story above-some of it is still unfinished in the basement but my DH and I are going in and making it look like the rest of the house--drywall and such. It's a big project but since we can't really start gardening until spring, this will give us plenty to do through the winter. I am so lucky my DH is so handy. I'm afraid I won't be too much help except for making things pretty. We want to make a second bathroom downstairs in the basement, too. Lots to do and I am really looking forward to it.
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I LOVE IT!!!! MBJ it is just TOO sweet!!!!
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Nothing spectacular, but it is going to go through quite a tranformation by the time we get done with it. It will still be a Cape Cod but not so cookie cutter looking. Right now every other house here looks like this.
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Imagine this without the pool and it actually extends past the fence for a total of 45' wide by 182' deep!
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It is darling! I've always liked a smaller house finished to the nines, than a big, empty monster home. I have a longtime love for the Cape Cod style too. Our neighbours in Barrie had that style and we got to look a them! They had to look at our house! hehehehehhehe (Our outside was ugly, but the inside was gorgous!)
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Nice flat grass to mow. We have always been cursed with a hill of some sort!!
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Barbe: Half the grass is going to allow for a chicken coop and vegi garden and then we will landscape the entire right side of it to allow for trees, plants, flowers and a Koi pond.
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MBj it it so adorable!! I would kill for a flat yard!! and a handy husband!!!!!
Sounds like you have some good quality together time in the year ahead..very very nice..I hope everything works out!! So excited for you.
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Thank you Didel!!! Not as cute and old sounding as yours but totally doable. We were trying to find at least a 1940's witha fireplace but they were all in such bad shape!
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MBJ: you can always add a fireplace. Your back yard is huge! Like Didel said, the larger the house gets the more there is to do. Our place is too large and is always in need of work and $$. My DH isn't handy so it's up to me. He always says he is going to help me but I find it's easier on my own except since the DMX there are some heavy things I need help with.
When I lived in Playa del Rey, I kept my 2 cats in the house as I was afraid they would get run over. It's not mean to keep them inside if they have never know otherwise. My boy would go crazy if I tried to shut him in. That's how he learned to open the screens and taught our dog at the same time. I had to put a snap lock on the paddock gate because the dog kept opening the gate and letting the pony out so they could tear up my gardens together.
Thank you everyone as I'm in a better mood even though after seeing the PS yesterday I have #5 surgery in a month.
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